


On the Streets Where You Live

by secretkeeper



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Homelessness, Kid Fic, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, shameless retconning of football history
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2018-12-16 10:26:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 50
Words: 276,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11826816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretkeeper/pseuds/secretkeeper
Summary: When single parents Karl Mordo and Stephen Strange meet while bringing their children to school, a tentative bond is formed between the men and their children. But as time goes on, Karl's past as well as Stephen's secrets will challenge their families and their relationship in ways that neither imagined possible.





	1. First meetings

**Author's Note:**

> This is a first for me in several ways, not only is this my first work in this fandom, but it's also the first fic I've started with the full knowledge of how it will go through the very end.
> 
> I'm nervous about some of my narrative choices, and hope this will be well received.
> 
> Even though I came up with the general idea for the story prior to seeing this prompt (https://doctorstrangekinkmeme.tumblr.com/post/163371473745/strordo-dialogue-prompt-i-cant-give-you-what), it fits it pretty well and could be viewed as a fill of sorts. 
> 
> Last of all, there will be chapters that will need more specific warnings. I'm avoiding any tags now because spoilers, but just be aware that things will get rough.
> 
> All that being said, lets begin.

    “Don’t look yet, Daddy! Wait until I’m ready!”

    “My back is still turned, Astrid. I promise I will not look.”

    A momentous day, a momentous decision – what to wear on the first day of school? After having supervised numerous choices over the last few days, Karl Mordo had finally been told by his daughter that he was not allowed to watch her as she made the final choice. Karl had acquiesced to Astrid’s request on the condition that if she was not able to decide by the time breakfast was being eaten, then he would step in with an outfit of his own choosing.

    Listening to the sounds of Astrid preparing herself for the big day ahead, Karl began to reflect on how it seemed like so little time ago it had been that he had first held his baby girl in his arms. At the same time, Astrid’s birth felt that it had been so many years ago that her first cries appeared to be a distant echo of a long ago time, one that only held a faint effect on their lives together today. If Karl were to put his mind to it, he could still vividly recall Lilia telling him of her pregnancy, of the hours they spent planning how their not yet born child would live.

    “Alright, Daddy. You can look now.”

    Karl turned around from where he was standing in the doorway to Astrid’s room. She had picked out a blue peasant-style blouse that came with an attached necklace and a denim skirt. Her hair was still pulled back in the braids Karl had painstakingly worked on the night before, and not for the last time he was grateful for the class he had taken years ago designed to teach fathers how to style their daughters’ hair.

    “Oh, darling. You look perfect!” Astrid gave her father a big grin, and as she did Karl once again was reminded of her mother’s smile. Astrid had inherited her father’s complexion and curly hair, but her green eyes and facial features were the product of her mother’s genes.

    Karl gave her bedroom a quick glance. Like many other girls who were six years old, Astrid had a variety of possessions, including several Disney princess toys, beloved stuffed animals (of which Baloo the bear was king, as evidenced by his vantage point on her bed), a Lego spaceship set, and even a football poster hanging on the wall. The room was dominated by various shades of red, and even though Karl arranged for a cleaning woman to come and clean their apartment several times a week Astrid was still expected to keep her room in a reasonably tidy fashion.

    It may have been a small thing, but Karl was determined to ensure that Astrid did not reach adulthood in the same fashion he had. When Karl had first arrived in New York, bristling with anger over the revelations he had just learned, he did not realize that if he needed clean clothes or a meal that it would be necessary to do it himself. His mother and grandfather had always had servants to handle any of the tasks that were essential to daily life, and after leaving the confining structure of his family, Karl made it his mission to become independent. And even now while he could have been living in a luxurious mansion somewhere in Westchester or his family's estate in Romania, with staff that could take care of anything he found to be overly tedious, he remained in the city and handled the routine tasks of life on his own. Astrid and him may have lived in an apartment that was far more expensive than the average New Yorker could afford, but just having a great deal of money should not serve to insulate oneself from life. His mentor had taught him that, and Karl knew that by living the life he did now his daughter would also learn the same lessons. It was one of the reasons that while Astrid had attended a private kindergarten, she would now be going to a public elementary school.

    Karl could hear his mother's voice now. “A public school?! What kinds of people will she be around there? Astrid is of noble blood, at least on your side. She shouldn't have to spend her days with those who are so far beneath her!” _And that_ , Karl mused, _is why I am doing it_. The kindergarten he had chosen for Astrid had been a top-notch school, and there was no question about the quality of education she had received there. But in talking to the other parents of the children who attended, Karl had recognized that no one who went there had ever had to struggle in their lives. This did not mean that there were no problems to be found in the student's lives, but at the same time they did not ever really leave their safe bubble. Everyone around them could take vacations to exotic locations, purchase anything they wanted without a single thought towards cost, and knew that they would be able to succeed in the world. Karl has himself been eighteen when he first met people who had not had life handed to them on a silver platter, and the rude awakening he got at the time was an extremely humbling experience.

    Shaking himself from his thoughts, Karl followed Astrid into the kitchen. “What would you like for breakfast today?”

    “Cheerios. And a banana.”

    While Astrid went to get the banana from the fruit bowl, Karl dispensed out the cereal and milk. A glance at the clock showed him that they needed to eat quickly, because unless they left their building soon Astrid ran the chance of not making it to school with enough time to spare. Grabbing an apple and a container of yogurt from the fridge, Karl placed her cereal in front of her. “Don't take too long, Astrid. Remember, we want to get to school early.”

 

    Astrid nodded. “Okay, Daddy,” she said in between bites of banana. Karl went to the living room, checking to make certain that her backpack was ready to go. Picking out a backpack had been somewhat less of a challenge, as the choice had been narrowed down to two fairly early on: one bag with Wonder Woman on the front, and the other with Moana as the centerpiece. In the end, Moana had won the battle.

    “I'm done!” Astrid's voice rang out loud and clear. Walking back into the kitchen, Karl could see that she had only eaten about half of her Cheerios, most likely due to the excitement that the beginning of the school year brought.

    Deciding not to make an issue of it today, Karl then said, “Alright. Clean out your bowl and put it in the dishwasher, and get your lunch from the fridge.”

    As Astrid came to get her bag and put her lunch inside, Karl pulled out his phone. “Put your backpack on. I want to take a picture.” A smile and a click, and the first memento of the school year was in hand.

    Karl and Astrid left and waited for the elevator, and he couldn't help but say “My daughter's growing up so fast. Next thing you know, you'll be captaining the first manned mission to Mars or announcing the latest breakthrough in science or even being elected President, and I'll be telling everyone 'Oh, I remember when she was first starting school!'”

    Astrid laughed. “Don't be silly, Daddy. I'm not going to be grown-up for a long time.”

 _Soon enough_ , Karl thought as they journeyed down to the lobby. The doorman sitting behind his desk glanced at them and said “Good morning, Astrid. It looks like someone is going to school today.”

    “Yup! I've got my bag, and pencils, and a box of crayons!”

    “Well, it looks like you are prepared. Have a wonderful first day.”

* * *

 

     The walk to school only took fifteen minutes from their home. Karl only planned on driving Astrid if the weather was particularly bad that day. But today was perfect weather for early September in New York – sunny, temperatures in the upper seventies, and no sign of any storm coming. During the walk, he spoke with his daughter “Remember, I'll be coming to get you when the day is over. If I'm not there when you first get out, stay with your teacher until I arrive.” It was a touch of paranoia, but Karl didn't want to take any chances with Astrid. Not that any random strangers worried him; he knew the odds of something like that were extremely low. Yet the memory of when she had been four years old and attending preschool was a harsh reminder of the potential dangers his life brought. Karl had been late in coming to get Astrid one day, due to a charity luncheon running longer than he had expected. When he finally got there, Astrid's teacher had let him know that an older woman had come in saying that she was her grandmother and was supposed to take her out for the day. Thankfully, the policy at the school had been to not release students to anyone but their parents or whomever the parents had authorized, but the close call still frightened Karl. It had also been the last time he had spoken to his mother, with many words said on how she was not to even try to go near Astrid again. Nothing had happened since that day, but Karl knew the danger was real.

    At about the same time Karl and Astrid were arriving on the school grounds, another parent and child were also making their way towards the school. The boy appeared to be close in age to Astrid, had a mess of dark-brown hair, and wore a t-shirt with a shark on the front as well as a pair of jeans. While his clothes were clean, they looked to have been well-worn. The man who accompanied him was taller than Karl, although he appeared to be a fair degree thinner, with brown hair greying at the temples. He wore a pair of track pants, a red shirt, and a denim jacket, in which his hands were inside the pockets of. Even more than his son's, his clothing looked to have been used for perhaps longer than would be recommended. His sneakers, in addition to looking as if they were on their last legs, unusually had had the laces taken out, for whatever reason the man wanted or needed. But even more than his overall apparel what convinced Karl that the new man was likely living in poverty was his face. There was an overall weariness in his face that reflected a life filled with more stress than Karl could imagine.

    Oblivious to all of those things, Astrid bounded on over to the new arrivals. “Hi! I'm Astrid. Who're you?”

    “Donny,” he said.

    “Donny, do you want to play on the swings?”

    Donny looked at his father. “Go ahead,” he stated. Both children took off their backpacks and put them at the feet of their parents. Donny had a somewhat beat-up black bag that stood in sharp contrast to Astrid's brightly colored new bag.

    As Astrid and Donny both went off to play, Karl heard them talking “Who's your teacher?”

    “Ms. Minoru.”

    “Me too.”

    With no children underfoot, Karl turned to speak to Donny's father. “Karl Mordo,” he said, extending his hand in greeting.

    There was a clear moment of hesitation before he extended his own hand. “Stephen Strange,” he responded. But while doing so, Karl could see why the man had kept his hand concealed. As they shook hands, he could feel a very distinct tremor running through Stephen's hand, and Karl could also feel the numerous raised scars that marred the flesh.

    Stephen pulled his hand back quickly. “An accident, years ago. I know it's not something...” His words trailed off. “Is your wife working now?” he asked, shifting the topic of conversation to a less difficult topic.

    “I'm not married. Astrid's mother and I have a... unique relationship.” He wasn't ashamed of what had existed between Lilia and him in the past, but Karl felt that the details were something that only those close to him should know.

    “Yeah, I'm not married to Donny's mother either. In fact, she left when he was just a baby – I have no idea where she is right now or what she's doing.” Stephen seemed to want to talk more about whoever Donny's mother had been than he did about whatever it was had happened to his hands. (Karl had only seen the one, but if the other had been normal Stephen likely would have used that one to shake his hand.)

     With Stephen standing closer to him, Karl was able to note his unusual eyes. They appeared to shift between shades of blue and green. It took him some time to make any form of recognition of this particular feature, in large part because as more parents and children started arriving on the school grounds Stephen seemed to become more nervous. He alternated between looking at Donny who had stopped swinging and was now talking with a few other boys. Karl could still see Astrid on the swings with another girl next to her, so he felt secure in paying attention to the man he had just met. He wondered if Stephen was self-conscious about the state of his hands or if he was just not comfortable around people he didn't know.

    Making a choice to try and make some kind of conversation, Karl turned to look at Stephen and said “It was such a struggle for Astrid before coming to school. It took nearly three days for her to decide on her outfit! At one point, she said that having me watching her was making impossible to decide, so I was forbidden to look until she was ready.” He smiled at the memory. “She's got quite the spirit in her – something that I have to admit comes from my side of the family.”

    At first seeming surprised that Karl was striking up conversation with him, Stephen eventually stated “I didn't have that kind of trouble with Donny. He's content with not having much. I'm hoping I can get more work now that he's in school and I don't need to worry about who will take care of him. He deserves more than I've been able to give him.”

    Briefly, Karl wondered about his work. It couldn't be anything that was too regular, or the issue of Donny's care wouldn't come up like that. Most likely it was odd jobs that paid just enough to get the essentials of life – food, clothes, shelter. But it was also clear that by looking at Donny's outfit as opposed to Stephen's that his son was the first priority for him. This likely extended to food, given that Stephen looked as if he could stand to gain a few pounds.

    The sound of the bell ringing was like a homing siren for both the children and their parents. Those who did not come to either the school itself or to their parents' sides were retrieved by the ones who had brought them to school that day. Donny and Astrid were standing in front of their fathers, having picked up their backpacks as they ran over.

    “Astrid, hold still. One more picture.” As Karl finished the snapshot of his daughter, he could see a faint trace of longing in Stephen's face. Before he could think it over, Karl turned to Donny and said “Why don't I get one of you, too? It'll be great for your Dad to have a memory of today.”

    Donny smiled, and soon he too had a picture of the first day of school. “Thanks, Mr... What’s your name?”

    “Mordo.”

    “Thank you, Mr. Mordo.” It was clear that Donny had been taught good manners by Stephen, no matter how difficult their lives likely were.

    “It was no trouble at all. Now let's get you to your classroom.”

    As the four of them made their way to the first grade classroom, a woman was standing by the doorway. “Hello. Welcome to school! I'm Ms. Minoru. What are your names?” Her face was cheerful and engaging, the kind that could put children at ease with a smile.

    “Donny Strange.”

    “Astrid Mordo.”

    “Welcome to school, Donny and Astrid. Let me show you your desks and where to put your bags.” A glance from Ms. Minoru let Karl and Stephen know that their children were in good hands, and they could depart the scene.

    As they made their journey to the outside school grounds, Stephen turned to look at Karl. “You didn't have to do that. If I can't get enough money to be able to get a picture of my son's first day of school, then it's my fault. I'd have a way of taking a picture if I was better at things.” Stephen made this remark in such a matter-of-fact way that Karl suspected that it wasn't very common for someone to do a favor for him.

    “Maybe I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Everyone should have a reminder of when their child officially began school.” They had reached the sidewalk by this point, and Karl knew that their paths would likely go in different directions. “I enjoyed meeting you. We'll probably see each other again soon.”

    “Yeah.” Stephen once again appeared to be ill-at-ease with the situation. “I really need to get going now.” With those final words, he turned and walked down the street, with Karl watching as he blended into the crowd of New Yorkers going about their day.

* * *

 

    It was getting close to three o'clock, and Stephen Strange was still stuck on the subway. He'd tried to finish with the work he'd gotten early enough so he could have time to get Donny, as well as pick up the surprise he wanted to get for his son, but things had been delayed. After rushing to get Donny's gift, Stephen had known that if he didn't get on the train soon he would be late in picking up his child.

    Not for the first time in the last seven years, he reminded himself that he was the only one to blame in this situation. He had been reckless, which led to his accident and in turn to his dire financial state. His self-absorbed personality had left him without a support network after he was forced to sell everything in order to pay for his bills, for both the accident itself and the large variety of therapies Stephen had used in a futile effort to regain full-functioning in his hands and go back to his surgical career. He was selfish, and now Donny paid the price for his father's sins. In spite of this, Donny loved his father more than anything, even if Stephen was lucky enough if he could provide most of the basics in life.

    Finally, he reached his stop. With his bag slung over his shoulder, Stephen raced to make it school on time. Fortunately for him, he was only a few minutes late. Donny was standing on the edge of the playground, with Ms. Minoru and Astrid standing near him. When he saw his father, Donny took off at full speed, yelling “Daddy!” He wrapped his father in a giant bear hug.

    “Hey Don. I'm sorry I was late – I got a bit held up when I was working earlier.” The look of happiness on Donny's face told Stephen his son wasn't upset with him in the slightest. “So, how was school today?”

    “Great! Everything's bigger than the last school, and they've got a big library, and I got pizza for lunch. What did you eat?” Stephen tried his best to keep Donny from noticing when he had to forgo meals in order to pay for something else, whether that something was a subway pass, new-ish clothes for Donny, or any of the other expenses that popped up. But as his son got older, Donny became more aware of when Stephen was not eating with him. The excuses only went so far, and Stephen knew that he could never tell his child that when it came to himself, he was always going to be last on the priority list.

    “A sandwich.” After having gotten the money he had earned from work today, Stephen had stopped at a convenience store and gotten a turkey sandwich. He'd finished half then and saved the rest for tomorrow. It wouldn't be in the peak of freshness, but two meals from one purchase were always better. Besides, Stephen had found his appetite wasn't what it used to be; over the last few years, it had become more of a challenge to finish a meal.

    As they began to leave, Stephen could see Karl Mordo getting onto the school grounds. He went over to Astrid and lifted her up in his arms. Guilt and envy warred in the man: part of him wished that he could give the same kind of things to Donny that Karl could give Astrid. Everything Stephen saw indicated that he was quite well-off. His jeans and green shirt were well-made and served to compliment his features well. His black hair was cut short, and framed his face in the best light. The only thing that might have served as a negative was the scar on his forehead, but Stephen thought it added a certain touch to Karl's features. Astrid's clothing was clearly new, as was her backpack. His feelings of guilt grew stronger when Stephen thought about his own version of back-to-school shopping. Donny and he had picked out the best bag they could find at a thrift store, and Stephen had made certain to wash all their clothes at the laundromat the night before. Even then, the gap in Donny's life as opposed to many of the other children stood out in stark detail.

    Father and son made their way to the station, with Donny chattering about his day and the other children he had met. “I sit next to Diego, and he told how his family just got a dog! They went and got him from the animal shelter, and his name's Princeton. And you know, Daddy, Diego's got eight people living in his house – him, his mommy and daddy, two brothers, a sister, and his grandma and grandpa!” Yet another thing Stephen couldn't give to Donny – an extended family. “Maybe I can go play with him sometime, like if you have to work and I'm not in school. Could I, Daddy?”

    “Maybe. But remember, Donny, that Diego wouldn't be able to come and see you the same way. He might not want to have you over much if you can't have him visit.” The previous year, friends coming over hadn't been an issue, largely because the student body was mainly comprised of children living in situations that were similar to Donny's. That school had also been closer to where they lived before, but even after Stephen and Donny had moved around a month ago they still would not have been in the boundaries of Donny's current school if Stephen had not used a fake address that placed them within the range. The new school would give Donny a better chance in life because his education would be more supported.

    While they waited for the train to arrive, Stephen updated Donny on their plans for the rest of the afternoon. “We've got to go shopping for some food. I'm thinking tonight we can have a little treat to celebrate the first day of school.”

    Donny's face lit up. “Hot dogs and beans?”

    “Yup. And after dinner, I've got a surprise for you.”

    “Tell me what it is, Daddy?”

    “Nope. Sorry. If I told you it wouldn't be much of a surprise, would it?”

    Donny grumbled for a bit, but then the train was there and the two of them were on their way.

* * *

 

     Ninety minutes later, Stephen and Donny were on the train headed home. In addition to the hot dogs and a loaf of day-old bread to eat them with, Stephen had spotted a sale on canned vegetables. With those added to the tally for today's expenses, almost all of the fifty dollars Stephen's work had brought in was gone. But they had enough food to feed Donny as much as he could eat tonight, and if Stephen planned things just right the bread would be mostly gone by the time it started growing moldy. Yet there was a feeling of disappointment, because it might be some time before Donny got another “hot dinner”, as he called it. Stephen made a silent vow to check in with some of his more reliable work connections soon, in order to take advantage of the hours Donny was in school.

    The ride on the train was mainly silent. Stephen had brought Donny's action figures in his bag, and currently Batman was fighting the Joker in an intense battle. He fought to stay awake, a problem that seemed to plague Stephen most afternoons. He understood why he might have some problems sleeping at night, but in his old life he'd spent up to twelve hours working in the operating room with no signs of fatigue. It was probably tension, especially now that Donny was in school. It may have been a good thing to have his son in school, but it also increased the chances of them coming to the notice of the wrong people.

    As the subway pulled in to the station near their home, Stephen reflected on the best thing about where they had relocated: no one typically noticed you.

    Eight years ago, Stephen wouldn't have even gone near the neighborhood he and Donny now lived. There were crumbling buildings all around, and the only major signs of industry were liquor stores and an occasional payday loan place. The most important feature, at least to the Strange family, was a single story building that had once been some manner of store. It was around ten minutes or so from the station, and Stephen usually made certain to have them home before it got dark. Not that they would have much to steal, but losing any money or a subway pass could send Stephen into a financial tailspin.

    “Alright, Donny. Wait here while I go look things over, okay?” Donny nodded, and Stephen walked around the side of the building.

    No one would have guessed that anyone lived in the old boarded-up store. Out of all the places Stephen and Donny had lived in, barring the few months with a friend when Donny had been a baby, it was by far one of the best. Inside there were still some shelves from its previous life, perfect for storing canned goods and keeping the camping lantern when they needed light. Stephen looked inside via one of the boarded-up windows that had a gap. Empty. “Okay, Don, time to go inside.” In the past Stephen had shared living space with other homeless people, and while having others around wasn't always a problem, it was easier to be in control of what Donny saw if they were alone. Since they'd moved, in a manner of speaking, one month ago, it had been just the two of them every night.

    Most people who met Stephen and Donny would have been shocked to learn they were homeless. Stephen knew that a large part of this was due to their appearance – they didn't _look_ like what the stereotype of a homeless person was. One of the best bits of advice Stephen had received had come from a man he had only known for one night back when Donny was still a toddler. He had said that one of the best ways to spend your money if you were living on the streets was a monthly gym membership. At first this had seemed absurd in the extreme; after all, who had time to think about a workout when finding a meal was a challenge? Yet the explanation, when given had made sense. “You don't need to work out – just use the showers. If you don't want people to know you're living on the streets, then staying clean's the best thing to do.” Ten dollars a month was worth far more than the money as long as it meant Donny was with him. His son was the only source of joy in his life, and what would happen if he were to be taken away didn't even bear thinking about.

    Inside their home, it wasn't as bad as one might have initially feared. There was a sleeping bag that Stephen used placed off in a corner, and Donny had another that was placed on top of a cot along with a pillow. Shortly after they had moved in, Stephen had made the investment in a little something more for his son, which had consisted of the cot and a puzzle that when solved was a picture of Superman. Donny also counted among his possessions a stuffed tiger named Mr. Stripes, his action figures, a game of Sorry! that no one could play blue in due to a missing piece, a Lego castle, and several books. The object that Stephen thought of as being the most important right now was the camping stove that had been given as a Christmas present several years earlier. With it, Donny could enjoy an actual cooked meal as opposed to sandwiches and cold canned vegetables. His only experiences with hot food prior to the stove had been fast food burgers, pizza, and hot dogs. Stephen hoped that with the advent of the school year Donny would have the chance to try more new things.

    The hot dogs were slowly cut up, due to Stephen having to stop and take breaks when spasms of pain came from his hands. At least this was a task that could still be done, unlike so many other basic things that were beyond his abilities to accomplish. Clothing could not have any kind of buttons or zippers, laces were removed from his shoes due to not being able to tie them, and the only way that Stephen was able to keep himself somewhat clean-shaven was by enlisting Donny's help. At least working today had not left his hands in more pain than usual – denying Donny his favorite meal on such an important day would have added another item to Stephen's list of ways he failed his child.

    Before too long the hot dogs and beans were simmering, and Donny had gotten two plates out for their meal. “At least I don't have to take a shower tonight.”

    “Not tonight, but you will tomorrow. Remember; when you go to school you've got to look your best. I want your teacher and the other kids to think 'That Donny's a nice kid', not 'Donny sure smells funny!'”

    Donny laughed. “You wouldn't let me smell, Daddy. You always make me do stuff, like brush my teeth or eat my vegetables.”

    Stephen smiled. “That's what dads are for. Now, let’s eat.”

    Donny attacked his plate with extreme gusto. Stephen ate at a much slower pace, knowing that it would be some time before he could cook a dinner for Donny again. The propane used by the stove was an expense that needed to be carefully budgeted, and now that school supplies had to be purchased other things were put by the wayside.

    As Donny finished the last bite of his hot dog, he said “I'm done, Daddy. So now you have to give me my surprise.”

    “Yeah, it's time now. Go look in my bag.” Donny grabbed the bag and began to rummage through it. In a short time, he had pulled out a new book. “Can you tell me what it's called?”

    “The Grave-yard Book.” Donny looked pleased to have deciphered all of the words. “Can you read it to me?”

    Stephen nodded. “Before bed tonight I'll read a bit of it to you. I bet before too long you'll be reading it all by yourself.”

    His son wrapped him in a hug. “Thank you, Daddy! This is the best day ever!” And while Stephen was pleased he had managed to make Donny so happy, another part of him felt like a failure. What kind of parent made their child so happy from a hot meal and a single new book?

* * *

 

    It was hours later, but Stephen was still awake. It seemed like it was always a challenge to get to sleep at night, and with Donny peacefully sleeping nearby he couldn't turn on the lantern to read without awakening him. He pulled out his phone, hoping to have gotten something that would mean he could work tomorrow, but no offers had come through.

    His mind drifted back to Karl Mordo and Astrid. Karl had likely brought his daughter home to a real home, not just some space that provided shelter. Astrid would have all sorts of books and toys, like all children deserved to have. Whatever Karl did for a living, it gave him the flexibility to be there for his daughter whenever she needed him there. They probably had a large extended family, with grandparents and aunts and uncles. Astrid's mother didn't live with them, as Karl's remarks on their relationship made clear, but she was most likely waiting to hear all about her daughter's first day of school.

    In short, Karl had everything. Stephen was willing to bet that he was well-liked by all those around him, and if he were to suffer from some manner of accident like he had, people would leap all over themselves to aid him.

    Stephen shook his head. It all came down to what he was: he had once had the chance to give a child that kind of life, but his own selfish nature had taken all from him. Things going wrong for him was a form of karma, and now the only thing he could do was try and get his son a better life. If Karl were to learn anything about him, he would hate him and pity Donny for having such a terrible man for a father.

    Their lives would never intersect. Stephen was alone, just as he should be.

 


	2. Alone in the Crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid and Donny begin to form a friendship. Karl tries to be friends with Stephen, but things don't work as he would like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm sure glad for the positive reaction this has gotten so far!
> 
> I doubt I'll be able to keep to any kind of regular posting schedule, but I will try to get chapters out as quickly as I can.

    The friendship began slowly, as it usually does between children.

    Astrid and Donny both found themselves sitting together at lunch a few days into the school year. Astrid had brought her lunch and Donny was eating the meal provided by the school. She took the time to ask something she had been curious about. “How come you're always at school before Daddy and I get there now?”

    “I've got to come early so I can get my breakfast,” Donny said.

    “You get breakfast at school?” This sounded unbelievable to Astrid. She'd only ever had breakfast at home, or in restaurants when she and her father had gone on vacation. Schools didn't give breakfasts to people, as far as she knew.

    “Yup. And I get my lunch everyday too.”

    “Does it cost a lot of money?” Astrid liked eating out, it was different than just eating what her Daddy made for them. But he always told her they couldn't eat out too much, because it could get expensive. Daddy said there were better ways to spend your money, especially because they could cook on their own very well.

    “I don't pay any money. Daddy had to do some papers, and it took a long time, but I just go and get my food every day.” Donny didn't appear to be embarrassed by this; in fact, he seemed to take it in stride.

    Food without paying? Astrid had never heard of such a thing.

    That night, when she and Karl were eating dinner, she said “Donny gets breakfast at school.”

    Karl nodded. “I'm not surprised.”

   “Why?”

    “Because Donny and his daddy don't have a lot of money. When children and their parents don't have money, the schools can help by getting kids breakfast and lunch.”

    “Donny says he doesn't have to pay for his food at school.”

    “Right. It will make things easier for him and his father if they don't have to pay for Donny to eat when he's in school.” It was a lesson that Astrid needed to learn, that not everyone was as lucky as she was in life.

    Astrid seemed to be in deep thought. “Do we have a lot of money, Daddy?”

    “Yes. We do. Which is why it's good to know that there are people who don't have very much.”

    “Why do we have money?”

    “Because my Daddy and his family had money. And my mother and her family had money.”

    “Oh.” Astrid went back to her meal, not certain what to say.

 

* * *

 

    The next time Astrid and Donny talked, it was during recess. Donny sat down next to Astrid on the swings and said “I hope Daddy's hands feel better tonight.”

    “What's wrong with them?” Astrid had seen the scars on Mr. Strange's hands, but Daddy had told her it wasn't polite to stare at them. She wondered what had made them that way, but didn't know if it was okay to ask.

    “He got in an accident before I was born. Now his hands don't work right, and I have to help him sometimes. And sometimes when he works, they hurt real bad after he gets back. I like to rub them at night when they hurt to make Daddy feel better.” Donny seemed to be glad to help his father, but also looked sad at having to see him in pain.

    “Will he get better?”

    “No. Daddy says you can't fix things sometimes. He knows 'cause he used to be a doctor and helped people before he got hurt.”

    “That's too bad. I hope he feels better today.” They proceeded to start swinging, with no more words said.

    At the end of school, Astrid watched as Donny's daddy came to get him. Her daddy was talking to him as they walked over, but Dr. Strange (now that Astrid knew his proper title) wasn't really saying much. He looked sad, like he did a lot of the times she saw him go and get Donny. Astrid wondered why he was so sad. Was it because his hands hurt? And how come he didn't want to be friends with Daddy? “Hi, Dr. Strange.” Maybe he would feel less sad if she talked to him.

    Dr. Strange didn't look quite as sad anymore; he looked surprised. “Hello, Astrid. How was your day?”

    “Good. We got reading books, and I can read a lot of the stories right now.” Most of the kids she went to kindergarten with could read, but not as many could in Ms. Minoru's class. It was another thing Astrid didn't know if she should ask about. It might be okay to ask her Daddy, because he always tried to answer her questions.

    He smiled. “Donny likes to read too. I read to him an awful lot when he was a baby. Do you have a favorite book?”

    “I like Harry Potter, but it's hard sometimes. Daddy got me another book, _The Whipping Boy_. That's easier to read. But Daddy reads to me the stuff that's too hard for me.”

    “Do you have a lot of books? Daddy tries to get me books, but I like it when I get new ones.” Donny jumped in, interested in the conversation.

    “We've got _tons_ of books! Some of them are really old, 'cause Daddy loves to have old books around.”

    “You're a vintage book collector?” Dr. Strange was talking to her daddy now. Astrid noticed he didn't seem quite so sad anymore.

    “Among other things. I like to have some mementos of the past with the newer possessions I have. My father had a collection of his own, but he preferred the books that were unable to be read due to their age. I feel a bit closer to him by doing so, in a way.”

    “I used to have a lot of books myself. I wonder what happened to all of them.”

   “Perhaps someday you might come across them again. Come on, Astrid, we need to be going. It was a pleasure talking to you, Stephen.”

    As they began to walk home, Astrid told her father “Did you know that Donny's daddy was a doctor?”

   “No, I didn't know that.”

   “Donny says he can't be one anymore because of his hands. Do doctors need to have good hands?”

    “Some kinds of doctors do. He must have been one of them.”

    “Dr. Strange said he lost his books. Why did he do that?”

    “He might have needed the money from them if he couldn't work anymore. Old books can be pretty expensive.” As always, Karl was matter-of-fact in the answers he gave to Astrid's questions.

    “What happened to the money?”

    “He spent it. It might have been for food, or his home, or maybe to pay the doctors he had to see after he got hurt.”

    Astrid felt sad that Dr. Strange had lost his books and couldn't get them back. She wondered if he would ever find them again.

 

* * *

 

    Donny was full of excitement the whole day. He was going to go visit Diego's house after school today! Daddy had told him before school that he had to work this afternoon, so it was a good thing that Diego had invited him over. He didn't know if he could come back much, because Diego wasn't allowed to come see him. “We don't have any room for you to play with him, Donny. I don't think Diego would like that much,” Daddy had told him.

    They had to wait for Diego's brother and sister, who were both bigger than him (Carlos was a fifth grader and Gabby was in third grade), and then they all got on the bus and went to Diego's. Diego had a little brother, Robbie, but he was too little to go to school yet.

    The place was _huge_! They had four bedrooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a living room! Diego shared his bedroom with his brothers, and everywhere Donny looked he could see all kinds of cool games and toys. Diego showed Donny his Xbox in the living room, but he said they couldn't play on it today. “Mami's a nurse, and she had to work late, so she's sleeping right now. We can't watch TV either, but I've got lots of Tinker Toys and Superman action figures, so we can still play. If Carlos isn't busy, he might play basketball with us outside. Abuela's going to have a snack for us in the kitchen, so let's go!”

    Abuela was there with some apples and string cheese, and she asked Donny some questions about his family. He wasn't sure about what to say when he was asked about his mom, but he just said “Daddy said she didn't want to be a mom, so she left when I was a baby. Daddy says that he'll never leave me, so it's okay.”

    “Well, I'm sure glad you have your daddy. You seem like a very nice boy, Donny.”

    “Thank you, Mrs. Flores.” Donny thought it was kind of funny that there were two Mrs. Flores’s and two Mr. Flores’s in the same house.

    Donny and Diego ate, and Diego told Donny more about his family. “Abuela and Abuelo live with us now because it was too hard to get people to look after us when Mami and Papi were at work. We went to day care for a bit, but since Mami doesn't always work during the day it didn't work. And Papi has to work late a couple times a week, so we just moved and got a bigger place after selling Abuela and Abuelo's house. Now I can come home after school every day.” Diego had said his Papi was a jewelry manager at Macy's, and sometimes he had to stay late to close.

    And it was such a fun afternoon! First they went to Diego's room and built a whole fortress for Superman with the Tinker Toys, and then they had a big epic fight between him and the bad guys. And after Carlos finished his homework and Robbie woke up from his nap, they all went outside to play basketball. Donny and Diego were one team, and Carlos and Robbie were the other one. That way it was fair, because Carlos was ten and Robbie wasn't even three yet. After a while Gabby and Abuelo came out, and then it was three on three. Donny had played basketball a couple times at his old school, but it was way more fun with his new friend. Princeton hung around them while they were playing and even tried to fetch the basketball, and that just made it more fun.

    Pretty soon Diego's Mami woke up and came to watch them play. She asked Donny when his daddy would be coming to get him, and Donny said “I don't know. Sometimes it takes a bit before he can get me when he's working.” Donny hoped that Daddy would get home before it got dark outside. Sometimes it was scary going home when the sun had gone down.

    Mrs. Flores looked at Donny, and for a moment he thought she was going to say something, but she didn't.

    Donny and Diego were playing with one of his racing cars when the doorbell rang. Donny went over to the door, but Mrs. Flores got there before he did. It was Daddy! He looked okay, which was really good. That meant work hadn't been too hard. “Hello. I'm Stephen, Donny's father. I've come to pick him up.” Daddy stuck out his hand to shake hands, which was a surprise to Donny. Daddy said it was hard to shake hands because his hands shook all the time. Donny thought that he also didn't like people to look at them since they had so many scars. He didn't think they were bad, but Daddy said they were his fault and people didn't like to look at them.

    Mrs. Flores shook his hand, but she had a funny look on her face. She looked him over a couple of times, and looked at Donny as well. “Donny was very well-behaved. Diego enjoyed having him.” She sounded kind of upset, and Donny didn't know why. Didn't nurses see people who were hurt bad all the time?

    “He always is. Come on, Don, let's go.”

    They got on the bus to go to the train station, and Donny couldn't stop talking about how much fun they'd had. But as he talked about Diego and his family, he noticed Daddy wasn't saying very much. “Daddy, what's wrong?”

    Daddy tried to look like everything was okay, but Donny could see that he was upset. “It's nothing, Donny. I just wish I could give you the same things that Diego has.”

    “It's okay, Daddy. I know you love me, and I love you too. I don't mind not having stuff.” That wasn't really true, because Donny really did want to have toys and a real house, not just some place like they lived in now. But he knew that if he said something like that it would make his daddy upset, and Donny didn't want that.

    Daddy smiled. “You're a better kid than I deserve.”

    Donny was really happy to get to school the next day. Diego wasn't one of the breakfast kids, so he wouldn't be there for a little while. He saw Astrid and Mr. Mordo walking into school, and then he saw Diego come into school! Donny wanted to talk to him right away about when he could come over again, but when Diego came over to him he looked like he was crying. “My Mami says I can't have you over anymore!”

    Donny felt crushed. He started crying, too, and just said “Why? Why can't I come over?”

    “I think it might be because of your daddy. I heard Mami talking with Papi about him. She said that that must be why you don't have more stuff.” Diego didn't really know why it was a bad thing that Donny's father didn't have a good job. His clothes were old, but he seemed nice when Diego met him.

    “My Daddy's really nice, though! It's not his fault his hands don't work right and he can't be a doctor anymore!” The tears were falling freely from Donny's eyes now.

    “I know! But we can still play at school every day, and I'll talk to my Mami all the time about how nice your daddy is!” Diego was crying just as hard as Donny now.

    “Boys? What's the matter?” Ms. Minoru had come over to their desks, and she appeared to be worried. “Is there something I can help with?”

    “I can't go see Diego anymore because his Mami doesn't like my daddy,” Donny said in-between sobs.

    “I'm sorry to hear that, Donny. Remember, even if you can't go to see Diego at his home you can still see him at school every day.”

    “Yeah, but it was real fun going to see him.”

    “I like having someone to play with me besides Carlos and Gabby. It won't be the same if I can only play with Donny at school.”

    Ms. Minoru, wisely seeing that the situation could not be resolved by anything she could say, just nodded. “I know that it's hard if you can't go see your friend. But Donny, Diego, I want you to know that no one in the whole world can stop you from being friends with whoever it is you like. Now, let's try to have a good day, okay?” The boys nodded, their tears having lessened as their teacher spoke with them.

    Before class officially began, Astrid walked over to Donny's desk. “Donny, if you'd like you can come and see me after school some time. I know Daddy likes your daddy, so you wouldn't have to worry about not coming back.”

    Donny thought about it for a little bit. Astrid was pretty nice, and he knew she had Legos at home, so they could play with something. It wouldn't be fun if they didn't have anything to do. He wondered if Astrid had a home that was as nice as Diego's. “I can talk to Daddy. I hope he lets me go.”

    Astrid smiled. “I bet it will be fun! I've got lots of things to show you!”

    Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad not being able to go over to Diego’s house as Donny had first thought.

 

* * *

 

    Getting Donny after school was becoming a bit of a challenge for Stephen. It wasn’t that he found it difficult to make it there on time, although if he had work then it could be a problem. Rather, it was Karl Mordo.

    Karl tended to arrive at school either at the same time Stephen did or very close to when he did, and almost every time he tried to strike up conversation with him. Stephen made an effort to limit the amount of time they ended up talking, but with each time he ended up wanting more. Karl was polite, friendly, and shared many of the same interests that Stephen had had prior to his fall from grace. All of this added up to the type of person Stephen would have liked to know better, even if he knew that they could never be friends. If Karl had met him in his previous life, the man would have despised Stephen’s self-absorbed nature and his arrogance. He was certain that those aspects of his personality still lay within him, and even now Stephen could not see how anyone, especially someone like Karl, would see him as a friend. The only person who he could count in some ways as being his friend likely only was so due to Donny and pity for his living conditions.

    Taking his own horrible character into account, and then when Stephen added in the other factors… No one could ever be close to him, save for his child, and Stephen feared the day that Donny would reject him as well.

    Donny came out of school with a morose look on his face. Diego, the boy he had gone to see yesterday while Stephen worked, walked over to him and gave him a hug before going to join his siblings standing by the playground.

    “Hey, Don. What’s wrong? Did something happen at school?” A chill ran through Stephen as he wondered if anyone at school knew him, either in his past life or his present. The former would lead to some difficult conversations with Donny, but the latter would be an absolute disaster. He shook his head: the odds of that happening were pretty low, and Stephen had a few stories to tell Donny if he ended up learning something he shouldn’t.

    “Diego says his Mami won’t let me come over again because she doesn’t like you. Why doesn’t she like you, Daddy?”

    Well, this wasn’t entirely unexpected. Stephen had known that Diego’s mother was a nurse, and when he’d met Mrs. Flores he saw the look she gave him upon seeing his shaking hands and overly thin body. Given that it was also fairly clear that Stephen was not wearing clothes that were anywhere near new, it made sense that she had come to the conclusion that he was a drug addict. That wasn’t true in the slightest, and one of the biggest reasons Stephen had for moving Donny and himself had been the presence of drug users in the building they had lived in before (and the fact that the roof leaked, making it necessary to use even less space than might have been available to them). Donny was the biggest reason that Stephen had not even tried any kind of self-medication, even if he was in intense pain from his hands. Without his son, he couldn’t say that he would still do the same.

    “Donny, I think Mrs. Flores didn’t like me because she got the wrong idea about my hands. She thought that they were shaking for a different reason than them having been hurt.” Unless Donny outright asked what that reason was, Stephen would leave it unspoken.

    “Why didn't she just ask you, then?” Donny's view of the world was still colored by children's reasoning, in spite of the life he'd lived.

    “Even if I did tell her the truth, she might have thought I was lying to her. Maybe later on, you can see Diego again if his Mami knows that I'm okay to be around.” Stephen had no faith in this coming true. If she were to learn more about him, her opinion would not change just because she had been wrong on one thing. Stephen still was not someone you would want to have around.

    Just then, Karl and Astrid came over. “Donny, I heard about what happened to you today. I wanted to let you know that if you ever want to come play with Astrid, I'd be very glad to have you. If your daddy would like, he could come for a while too.”

    “Thank you, but it wouldn't be possible for me to come. I hope I can find a good time for Donny to see Astrid, though. Donny, say goodbye to Astrid and Mr. Mordo.”

    “Bye, Astrid. Bye, Mr. Mordo. See you soon.” Both groups went in opposite directions. Looking at Donny, Stephen made a decision to do a little something for his son tonight.

    “Donny, how about we go out to Burger King after we go to the library today? You can use the computers, and then we'll get dinner after. How does that sound?”

    “Great! You'll get a burger too, right Daddy?”

    “Of course.” If Donny hadn't mentioned it, Stephen doubted he would have eaten. He knew that his low appetite was partially responsible for his weight being so low, but there were days he just couldn't force food down his throat. And right now Stephen had noticed his shoes were getting holes, meaning he needed to get a new pair. Quickly doing some math, he guessed that if he only ate half of his burger tonight, and skipped a few lunches, then they would have a little money left over just in case. Stephen knew that if he was able to work more than once a day they might have more resources to draw on, but the idea made him feel uneasy. Four or five times a week was as much as he could handle.

    Well, tonight Donny would eat well, and even come out with a new toy. And at the library, Stephen could look at some medical journals or just sleep for a little while. It was the best he had to offer, and it was more good for him than he deserved.

 

* * *

 

    If the friendship between Donny and Astrid was growing, the relationship between Karl and Stephen remained at a standstill.

    Karl could have understood things better if he thought that Stephen didn't want to be friendly with him. There were always people who you either didn't like or who you simply could not connect with, and that was just the way it was. Yet every time Karl made an effort to reach out to Stephen, the man withdrew from any interaction even though he could see that Stephen really did want to become closer to him. In some ways Karl thought it would have been easier to handle if he had been angry and lashing out at him the same way he had done when he first arrived in New York. His sessions with Pat had been full of anger, along with frequently shed tears, but Karl's wrath had not served its purpose of keeping the other man from growing close to him. Kindness and patience had won the day, and Karl was proud to this day of the friendship he had formed with Pat even though he no longer needed to see the man on a regular basis. But how did you connect with someone who threw up walls in response to even the slightest kind gesture?

    The assumption Karl had made when they first met that people were not usually kind to Stephen had been confirmed when Donny had been told he could not return to the home of one of the boys in his class. Astrid had told him about how sad Donny had been after he had been given the information, and the next day after school Karl had gone over to Stephen and said “I heard about Donny and what happened. I'm sorry that Mrs. Flores thought the worst of you.”

    Stephen shrugged. “She's not entirely wrong. I may not be what she thinks I am, but I'm not the type of person you should want around.”

    His opinion of himself left Karl feeling dismayed. “I don't think that way. I think you're someone that anyone would be honored to know.”

    Stephen looked down. “Then I guess you don't know me well, then.”

    Karl didn't say anything to that. He wished he knew what made Stephen tick.

    Now, this morning Astrid and him were headed out to school early. Karl had a meeting with a financial planner around the same time Astrid's school began, so the best option was to drop her off early and then go to the meeting. It helped that he knew Stephen and Donny would be there at the same time, so Donny could get his breakfast. He felt better knowing that Astrid would be with someone she knew.

    Donny looked over at them as soon as they walked over. “Astrid! You're early! Why are you here now?”

    “Daddy's got a meeting early today, so he said I could come to school early. I can stay with you when you eat, because I got my breakfast already. Then maybe we can play on the playground.”

    “That sounds like fun. Let's go!” The two children took off inside.

    “It's nice to see you this morning, Karl.” The words coming from Stephen surprised him.It confirmed Karl's idea that Stephen really did on some level desire to know him better. He resolved to keep working at it.

     Stephen was holding a cup of coffee in one of his hands, and his other hand was rummaging through his jacket pocket. He put the cup of coffee down, and Karl watched as he took a bottle of pills out, shook two into his hand with much unsteadiness, and washed them down with the coffee. “Is something wrong?”

     Stephen looked as if he had been slapped in the face. “Oh, these? It's nothing. I've got a bit of a stomach bug, so I've got to take antibiotics for a little while. Don't worry, I'm getting better, I'll be finished pretty soon, and I'm not contagious. One I'm not sick I can get back to working. That's always the worst part about something like this.” Again Stephen looked away, although Karl didn't know why his illness would leave him embarassed.

    “Well, I'm glad you're going to be fine. I'll see you after school today. Goodbye, Stephen.”

    “See you, Karl.” It was the first time Stephen had wished him farewell. Karl hoped it meant the start of something.

 

* * *

 

    Later that evening, Karl made the decision to look up more information about Stephen. He had just finished reading an email from Lilia talking about her travels to Mongolia. Apparently Ulan Baator was not the most interesting city in the world, but once she'd gotten to the more rural areas things had picked up quite a bit. “I've sent you some of the pictures I took today, and I'm looking forward to Christmas – I don't know when I'll be able to come to New York again, but I do know I'll be seeing Mother for Christmas. Tell Astrid I'm hoping school is going well for her.” Lilia hadn't changed much over the years. She was still a person who sought out new experiences whenever possible, and Karl still felt the affection he had held for her prior to Astrid's birth.

    It only took a review of the first results he got by Googling “Stephen Strange” to learn more than he expected to know. Stephen hadn't just been a doctor – he had been one of the most highly regarded neurosurgeons in the country, if not even the world. Almost all of the links Karl followed were either references to surgical procedures Stephen had pioneered, papers for medical journals that were written by the man himself, or news stories talking about his success stories. And in reading more, two things became clear to Karl. First, how was it that Stephen was living in such poverty now? Clearly with the injuries to his hands he couldn't expect to return to the operating room, but there were other options. Stephen would still be a valuable asset to any major hospital's neurology unit, or he could take his expertise in to the realm of academia. Had the bills really been so much following his accident?

    Second was the complete lack of any presence online for the last eight years. The last thing Karl could find was a Facebook post where Stephen mentioned having to sell a piano in order to pay for the latest operation on his hands. “Fingers crossed that this time it gets me to where I need to be,” he'd written. And after that, nothing. Karl was surprised that he couldn't even see any mention somewhere of Stephen talking about Donny's birth. After Astrid was born, Karl had lit up the internet by talking about his daughter and how happy he was to be a father. Obviously Donny meant as much to Stephen as Astrid did to Karl, so why didn't he speak out?

    Well, now Karl felt he understood a little bit more why Stephen had said he didn't know him well if he admired him. The man that Karl was seeing laid before him looked to be one of the most selfish, arrogant, unbearable people he had ever met. Yet Karl knew that that couldn't have been all Stephen was. You couldn't change your overall personality so much that within eight years one would go from being a completely self-absorbed asshole to being a withdrawn person who loved their child more than they ever could themselves. Stephen had likely always held those attributes within him, even when he had presented a front of extreme cockiness.

    One picture out of all the ones Karl's search turned up stood out. It had been taken at some manner of medical conference, and from the angle of the shot Stephen hadn't realized his picture was being taken. In the photos where Stephen knew he was the center of attention, his manner of being was that of smug superiority. But this photo had been taken of a crowd of attendees, and Stephen was only incidentally in the shot. The main look Karl could see on his face was that of someone who had no one, even when they were surrounded by people. The expression was an echo of the man Stephen was today.

   Alone in the crowd. Karl had told Pat on numerous occasions that it was the story of his life prior to New York. In spite of all the people who were around him all the time at his grandfather's home, he had always felt as if there was no one who really understood or even cared about him. And now, when Karl saw that photo, he felt like he was looking into a mirror of himself.

    Karl shut his laptop closed. More than ever, he was determined to reach out to Stephen. He never wanted to have the knowledge that someone else was feeling as alone as he had without trying to help them. He would continue to push at Stephen's walls, no matter what.

 

 

 


	3. Dinner and a Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donny gets to visit Astrid. Karl gets to share a meal with Stephen, but the visit leads to questions from Donny about their life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting people know that I'm going away next Saturday, so I don't know when the next chapter will be ready.
> 
> Astrid's account of a football game is an accurate summary of the game she and Karl would have attended.

     Karl found himself waiting outside for two children today. Stephen had mentioned on Friday that he would be working after school today, so it would be a good time for Donny to come over for his planned visit. Astrid had been over to another girl's home since school began, but she had yet to have a visitor herself. Karl didn't think that it would be a challenge to look after two children, but he was concerned about Donny seeing the way Astrid and he lived. Stephen clearly already thought very little of himself, and if Donny were to go on and on about how much better everything Astrid had was compared to him Karl might be forced to say goodbye to any chance of developing a friendship with the other man.

    “Hi, Mr. Mordo.” Donny was as polite as always. Even though his clothes were most likely secondhand, he was always clean and well put together. Unlike his father, no one would have picked him out in a crowd of children as having little in the way of material possessions.

    “Hello, Donny. How was your day?”

     “Ms. Minoru brought in a map and pictures of Japan, 'cause that's where her family came from. We're supposed to learn about where our families came from, and then we have to bring in some food and learn a little of the language from the place they lived.”

     “Daddy, I don't know what to do for that. I'm German, Ghanaian, Hungarian, and Romanian. How can I say where my family is from when they're all from different places?” Astrid seemed to be worried about how she could complete the assignment properly.

     “I'm sure you're not the only kid in the class whose family is from different places like that. Tomorrow, you can ask Ms. Minoru if there's a way for you to show your class things from all of those places, instead of picking just one. If that doesn't work, how about you bring in a map for one, food from another, and teach the other students words from yet another place?”

    “The words part is the easiest, since I can speak Romanian already. It would be a real problem if you and me went to see Bunică and I couldn't talk to her!” Astrid's spirits were quickly lifted.

    “What's a Bunică?” Donny struggled to pronounce the unfamiliar word.

    “My mother's mother. She lives in Romania, and that's what you call grandmas there.”

    “Oh, like Diego calls his grandma Abuela.”

    Karl felt the need to ask a question. “What about your grandparents, Donny?”

    “They're gone now. Daddy says they died when he was studying in school. I had an aunt and uncle, but they're gone, too.”

    “I've got a grandma and great-grandpa, too, but I don't know them.” Keeping Astrid well away from the mess that was his family had been a priority for Karl from the first day of her life, and if neither his mother nor grandfather ever laid eyes on her it would suit him just fine.

    Donny's eyes had grown wide as soon as they entered their building. “You live _here_?” He kept glancing at his surroundings, seemingly unable to accept them as real.

    “Yup. Daddy's lived here even before I was born.” Karl had moved into his current address after he had learned he was going to be a father. Prior to that, he had lived in an apartment that had been just fine when it was only him living there, but wasn't really a place for a child to grow up in. Astrid should have space to be a regular child, not at all like Karl's own confining upbringing.

    Donny was quiet during the ride up in the elevator, but once he'd gotten off and first laid his eyes on the Mordo home, his jaw dropped. “Wow! You've got so much stuff!” There were paintings on the walls, a living room set, a fairly decently sized TV, and a flowering plant placed right next to the window. Donny could see three bookcases that were overflowing with all kinds of books, and on a coffee table near the TV there was a half-finished puzzle.

     “I guess we do have a few things,” Karl remarked. He felt sadness upon seeing the amazement on Donny's face. The furniture was more expensive than most of the families who went to their school could afford, and the artwork clearly showed Karl and Astrid were higher in the economic strata than the vast majority of people in the city, but those weren't what Donny looked at. He seemed to be awe-struck over the TV, which wasn't really a top end model.

    “You've got so many books! It's like the library!”

    “I've got some books of my own in my room.” Astrid had looked at her father while Donny was taking in the sights. She appeared to not know what to say in regards to Donny's reaction to their home. For Astrid, it was simply the place that she lived in, with nothing extraordinary about it.

     “Donny, would you like to have a snack?” Karl wished to avoid the awkwardness that could result from Astrid learning that she was an especially fortunate child. The children would go and play in Astrid's room at some point, but giving Donny more time to become used to his surroundings would make things flow more smoothly.

    “Yes, Mr. Mordo.”

    The kitchen didn't seem to hold as much wonder, mainly because the things that were in there were in most people's kitchens – a stove, microwave, dishwasher, and refrigerator. They did have some fine china, but Karl kept that in storage except on certain occasions, such as holidays. He went to the cupboard and brought out a box of crackers. Donny glanced inside and exclaimed “You've got so much food! How many people eat here?”

    “Just me and Daddy,” Astrid said.

    “Why do you have so much food?”

    “I don't know. Daddy makes the choices when we go shopping mostly. I can pick out some of our vegetables or what cereal I want.” Food shopping had never concerned Astrid; you went to the store and got what you wanted. But now she was thinking that it might be a lot harder for some people who didn't have a lot of money like her and her daddy did.

    Karl put out the crackers and poured a glass of milk for both children. “Wow, you get milk whenever you want it? I only get milk at school and when Daddy can buy me some.” With each word spoken, Donny revealed even more of the divide that existed between him and Astrid. Karl knew that there were a great deal of children who were unable to obtain simple things in life such as a glass of milk; after all, his charity work focused heavily on the issues surrounding children in contemporary society. Yet actually being face-to-face with a child who he knew well who lacked these things was an entirely different beast. If it wasn't for the fact that Stephen clearly tried to get as much for his son as he did, Donny would have been in even worse shape.

    Karl briefly wondered again about what Stephen actually did. If he was working now, then his schedule couldn't be very regular. Maybe he could only work if someone approached him with a work offer – it would make his irregular schedule fit in.

    Astrid and Donny had just about finished their snack. “Daddy, I'm going to show Donny around, okay?”

    “That's fine. Just remember, my bedroom is off-limits.” Karl didn't really feel too uncomfortable about them peeking in there, but he did want Astrid to have an idea about privacy and respect for others.

    “Let's go, Donny!”

 

* * *

 

    As they walked down the hall towards Astrid's room, she pointed out what each of the doors led to. “That's my mother's room, when she comes to stay. She doesn't stay too long, mostly.”

    “Why doesn't your mother live with you?”

    “Because she takes photos and travels all over the world. She says she's a better aunt than a mother, and you can't take a kid when you don't stay anywhere very long. I like her, but she's not like Daddy is.”

    Donny nodded. “I don't know where my mom is. Daddy said she left after I was born 'cause she didn't want to be a mom.”

    Astrid seemed to understand. “That's the guest room, if we have someone stay with us. Over there is Daddy's study. He's got his computer and so many books in there. I can go in to use the computer sometimes. When I get bigger I'll have a computer of my own.”

    “I use the computer at the library.”

    “I've done that, too. This is my bathroom. Daddy's got one that you can get in through his room, but it doesn't have a bathtub.” She looked at Donny and whispered “Daddy sometimes takes baths in my bathroom. I don't mind, as long as he doesn't take all of my bubble bath.”

    “I only take showers.” Donny wondered what a bath would be like.

    “You've never had a bath? They're fun. You can get clean and play with some of your toys at the same time!”

    Donny didn't say anything to that. He didn't know where he could get a chance to take a bath.

    “And this is my room.”

     It was the best room Donny had ever seen. Astrid had a whole bookcase of books just for her! She had a dresser and a table beside her bed. There was a stack of different games, a partially assembled spaceship, a container that was full of different stuffed toys, a dollhouse, a big teddy bear on her bed, and a poster on the wall of somebody Donny didn't know. Based on the uniform, he played football, but Donny wasn't too familiar with the game.

    “That's Malcolm. He's my favorite player. Daddy and I went to a game last year. It was real fun.”

    “I don't know much about football. I've never seen a game before.”

    “Last year was the first time I got to see one. At first we were doing good, but then one of our guys got hurt, and we were behind, but there wasn't a lot of time left, and we went down the field, and with just a few seconds to go we kicked the field goal and won! Daddy and I were screaming so hard! We've got some DVDs from old seasons. Maybe sometime you can come watch them. Why haven't you seen any games? Does your daddy like football?”

    “We haven't got a TV. Daddy likes to read stuff. He says sports aren't really his thing.” Donny thought it would have been silly to have a TV – they didn't have any place to plug it in. Most people had electricity, but everywhere he'd lived didn't have power. Daddy had said that they needed to get more money and a better place to stay before they could have electricity like everyone else did.

    Astrid was digging through her game pile. “What do you like to play? Guess Who? Connect Four? Monopoly, but that's better with more people. Operation?”

    “Daddy and I play Sorry! sometimes. I haven't played any of those other games before.”

    “I'll pick one, then. Connect Four.”

    Astrid began to set up the game, and Donny said “I sure hope Daddy gets paid this time.”

    “Gets paid for what?”

    “Work. A couple of days ago he went to go work, but he was sad when he came back because he didn't get paid. I was sad too, because we couldn't go shopping for food after.”

    “Why didn't he get paid?”

    “I don't know. He says that just happens sometimes. Since we didn't get to buy food, that meant Daddy didn't get to eat lunch. I wanted to give him my lunch, but Daddy said I needed the food since I'm a growing boy.”

    It felt funny to hear that Donny's daddy didn't have food to eat sometimes. The only times Astrid had seen her daddy miss meals were if he wasn't feeling good. She wished she could get food for Dr. Strange when he couldn't buy his own.

    As they played, Donny asked Astrid “Who's your best friend? Mine's Diego, even if I can't visit him anymore.”

    “Julie.” Julie Chang was a chatterbox of a girl who was known for being one of the friendliest kids in their class, as well as the best soccer player. Donny had played with her at recess one time, and she seemed like a good choice for Astrid's best friend.

    They played two games, and after the conclusion of the second game Donny got up to look at the bin with Astrid's stuffed toys. “Can I see what you have? I've only got Mr. Stripes, and sometimes I like to look at the ones in the store. I had a rabbit when I was little, but I lost him when Daddy and I had to go live someplace else.” They'd been living under an overpass then, and Donny was glad when Daddy found a place inside for them to stay. But as they had traveled to their new home, Donny's rabbit had been lost. He'd cried for a very long time, and Daddy had looked like he was going to cry too.

    “I'm so sorry, Don. As soon as I get more work, I'll get you a new toy.” He had done so, but Donny wished he could have both Mr. Stripes and his rabbit.

    “You only have one stuffed toy?” Astrid's voice was full of horror. Daddy had told her that she needed to give up the toys she didn't use anymore, so that they could be given to other people to play with. Now she wanted to give one of her animals to Donny, even if she still played with them. It wasn't fair that she had so many stuffed toys and he only had one.

    Donny pulled out various animals, before stopping on a sock monkey. “This one's cool. I've seen them before. At Diego's house, Princeton has one of his own!”

    “Her name's Jeckle. I got her from Bunică when I was three. I like that she's purple.” Astrid made a decision at that moment. “Do you want to keep her? I don't play with her much, and she gets lonely. She could keep Mr. Stripes company.” She did in fact play with Jeckle, but Astrid had so many others she could play with instead. Jeckle should live where she was needed more.

    Donny clutched the toy to his chest. “You mean it? Thanks! Well, Jeckle, I'll show you Mr. Stripes when I get home! He's a tiger, but he'll like having you there so he won't be lonely anymore when I'm not there.”

    Astrid felt all good inside seeing Donny with Jeckle. Daddy had said at Christmas that it was better to give than to receive when she'd asked too many times what she might be getting. But now she thought that it might be right, because it was real nice making someone that happy.

 

* * *

 

    Karl had settled down in his study, with only one ear idly turned to Astrid's room. He was confident that there would be no issues arising between her and Donny, and so he was able to work on the plans for the fundraising dinner he was responsible for. The charity in question this time was for the homeless animals of the city, one of the causes Karl supported strongly. His own cat, Ms. Maple, had been a rescue and had stayed by his side from when he was twenty-five until her death last year. Astrid wanted them to get another kitty soon, although Karl did not feel up to one yet. Maybe when more time had passed.

    He smiled as he thought about what his life was like now as opposed to the life his mother and grandfather had planned for him. For much of his childhood, Karl had told that he would become someone important in whatever field he chose. The fields presented as options were politics, law, or business, with none being seen as better than any of the others. And if it hadn't been for one fatefully overheard conversation one night, Karl had no doubt he would have gone into one of those walks of life.

    Instead, after completing his degree, Karl had done... Nothing. He lived off of his inheritance and the investments he made with it, and spent his days doing work for charity. The biggest sources of his time and money were organizations that helped children and animals, because neither one of them were able to help themselves. Unfortunately, children seemed to be a less popular draw than animals were, so Karl typically spent more time with the former.

    He heard a yell coming from Astrid's room. “The fortress is secure! Victory is ours!” It appeared that Donny and her were getting along very well, which made Karl feel glad as a father. Much of the times he had tried to make friends in his own childhood had been stymied before any relationship could develop. His grandfather had given many different reasons, such as the other boy not coming from a family as good as his own, Karl going to a different school next year, or no reason at all. He figured out later on in life that the real reason had been to keep him isolated, because then it would be easier to manipulate him and further the goals of both his mother and grandfather. The mental image of what his mother would say upon knowing that Donny was Astrid's friend caused Karl to chuckle.

    A glance at the clock showed him that he would need to get started on dinner soon. Since Stephen had not shown up yet, it looked like Donny would be eating with them. Even if Stephen arrived during the meal, Karl planned on asking him to join them as well. He suspected that the offer might not be well-received, but just putting the proposal out there might break through some of the barriers Stephen kept up.

    Knocking on Astrid's door, Karl said “Astrid? Donny? I'm going to start making dinner now. I'll need you to help with a few things, Astrid. Donny, you don't have to help since you're a guest, but if you'd like to I can give you something to do.”

    The door opened. Inside, it looked that the children had been waging some kind of battle involving a Lego spaceship against the dollhouse. The unusual team of Batman and Disney princesses had opposed some Lego creations Karl thought were intended to be alien creatures. “What are we eating tonight?” Astrid got up from her position kneeling by the dollhouse, while Donny moved the spaceship to the dresser.

    “Well, since you have a visitor, I thought we'd do a Taco Tuesday. How does that sound?”

    “Great!” Astrid turned to Donny. “Have you had a Taco Tuesday before? They're fun.”

    “I've had tacos before. Daddy bought some from a stand near the bookstore once. I liked them a lot. I want to help you with making them.”

    “We've got all kinds of stuff you can put on them, and taco shells, and tortillas that are soft. You make your own taco and put it on your plate. It's going to be fun having somebody new eating with us!” Her enthusiasm was hard to contain as the three of them entered the kitchen.

    Getting out a number of small bowls, Karl instructed Donny on shredding some lettuce and told Astrid to get out the tomatoes and cheese. He began to brown the meat and heat the oven for the shells to cook. The smell of taco seasoning filled the whole room fairly quickly, and soon the meat was ready to simmer. “I thought we could also have a Caesar salad. Do you know what to do in order to make one, Donny?”

    “No. Is it hard?”

    “Not really. You just take some of the lettuce you didn't use and put it in this mixing bowl, get some Parmesan cheese and sprinkle it in, and toss it all up. I bet you'll have no problems at all.”

    Donny, with the help of Astrid, was able to put the salad together as easily as Karl had thought he would. As the table was being set, a knock on the door could be heard.

    “I bet that’s Daddy! Now he can have dinner with us!” The joy Karl could see radiating off Donny offered clear proof of how much he loved his father. It made him more determined than ever to connect with Stephen. He clearly was able to care for his child as best he could, and that showed something worth knowing in Karl’s mind.

    Going to the door, Karl opened it to see Stephen standing there. “I’m sorry if I was late. I’ll get Donny and go. I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.”

    “There’s no need to be sorry. We were just about to eat dinner. Why don’t you come and join us? There’s more than enough food for all of us.” Karl tried to not let on how much he would like for Stephen to eat with them. Not only would it serve to make him feel that Karl desired his company, he could get the chance to have a good meal. How underweight the other man looked to be was an area of concern for Karl, but he didn’t know how he could approach the issue without causing Stephen to withdraw even more.

    “Oh, no. I don’t want to be any trouble. I can just wait for Donny to finish eating. I’ll be in the lobby downstairs.”

    Donny came charging over. “Daddy! You’re just in time. Astrid and Mr. Mordo are having tacos, and I helped make the salad! Come sit down.”

    Stephen looked around for a while. Karl had the impression that he was afraid. Why? What had made him so unable to accept a simple offer of sharing a meal? “I really can’t impose on Mr. Mordo, Donny.”

    “I must insist on you eating with us, Stephen. Your company would be wonderful to have tonight. It’s only me and Astrid most nights, and I would love to have a guest.” Karl didn’t know what he would say if Stephen continued to refuse. Yet something told him that if he let Stephen leave the apartment, he could say farewell to any chance of befriending the man.

    A long pause. “All right. I’ll come in.”

    As Stephen entered the kitchen, Astrid smiled at him. “Hi Dr. Strange. I hope you like tacos, because that’s what we’re having.”

    “I do like tacos. Your daddy was very nice to let me eat with you.”

    “It’s an honor to have you here. Now, let’s eat.”

 

* * *

 

    Sometimes after working, Stephen felt disconnected from the world around him. He would want nothing more than to be alone, since he felt that he could not be with other people. Today was one of those times, but he had pushed aside his feelings for the time being in order to get Donny and bring him home.

    Yet things didn't always work out the way you planned. He had shown up at Karl's home just as dinner was about to be served, and had been gently coaxed into eating with Astrid and him. There was no way Stephen would have ever denied Donny the privilege of eating a hot meal, so when he gave in he told himself it was only because Donny wanted him to stay.

    But dinner had been far better than he could have imagined. Normally when work left him feeling so low his appetite diminished to non-existence, yet Stephen was able to eat two tacos, loaded with all the trimmings, as well as a good helping of Caesar salad. He hadn't had a meal at a table like this since last Christmas, and it felt as if he had finally done something good.

    And the conversation! Karl started talking about a dinner he was planning to help raise money for shelter animals in the city, and shared how he had gotten his cat. “They found her near a maple tree, so she became Ms. Maple. She was close to five when I got her, and seventeen when she passed. I hope I can get another one at some point, but I think I'll know when the time is right.” Hearing these words told Stephen a great deal about Karl's heart, and left him in part wishing they could become closer and in part fearing what he would think if he knew the truth.

    Astrid and Donny talked about school, the battle with aliens they had fought earlier, and listening to his son be so carefree for once made Stephen more determined to try to get enough money to find a real place to live.

    Karl's apartment reminded him vaguely of his own place back during his days as a surgeon. The biggest difference was in the overall warmth that could be found here. Karl and Astrid loved each other so, and watching them interact reminded Stephen that he could have had the same kind of life, if he hadn't been so selfish. All of the furnishings in the home pointed towards Karl having perhaps even more money than Stephen had in the past. And unlike Stephen, he seemed to use his wealth to help others, instead of just indulging himself. The sense of shame he had felt when he had first walked into the building grew with that realization, and Stephen lowered his gaze, not feeling he should look Karl in the eye.

    It was almost seven and beginning to get dark when the meal was finished. Stephen suspected that Karl would have been happy if they stayed longer, but Stephen just said “It's a bit of a trip for Donny and me, so we'd better get going so he won't be in bed too late. Thank you very much for dinner, Karl. I hope I wasn't too horrible a guest.”

    “You were an ideal visitor. I hope you can come back at some point. Good night, Stephen.” The combination of Karl's words and the dinner sent a warm feeling through him that he couldn't quite define. It was something that reminded him of his childhood.

    “Good night, Mr. Mordo. Bye, Astrid. Thanks for giving me Jeckle.” Donny was holding a purple sock monkey in his hands, and went to stuff it in his backpack. He shouldered his bag, and the two of them were out the door.

    During the elevator ride to the lobby, Donny asked him “Did you get paid this time, Daddy?”

    “I sure did, Donny.” Not getting paid for his work was a hazard Stephen was well-used to by now. Most of the time, he was able to get the majority of pay that was agreed upon, but there were times when the deal was reneged on. If that was the case, Stephen had to rely on his small amount of savings or go without food so that Donny could get what he needed.

    While they walked to the station, Stephen noticed Donny appeared to be thinking about something. “Is something wrong, Don?”

    “Kind of. Daddy, why don't we have a home like other people?”

    It was a question Stephen had been planning for much of Donny's life. Ever since he had made the decision to keep his son, he knew that he would have to deal with the challenges of being homeless and raising a child. There had been a brief time when he had thought that they could get out of the trap they were in, but circumstances had aborted that plan before it could get off the ground. Now Donny was meeting other children, and it was no surprise that he wondered about the differences in his life as compared to theirs. “Well, Donny, after I got hurt, I spent all my money trying to get my hands fixed. Nothing I did helped, and I had to sell the place I lived in to pay for the things I tried. Then I had to go live on the street, and I met your mother, and soon you were born.” He conveniently left out any details about his mother. As far as Donny knew, she just hadn't wanted to be a mother – a partial truth. “Even when I work, I still can't make a lot of money, and in order to get a place to live you need a bit of money. In order to get us a home, I'd have to work every day, and we would have to be very careful with the money we had. But I could try to work more. Then, if we're lucky, I can get us a home before you finish school this year.” Working every day, maybe even more than once, made Stephen feel uneasy even with the thought of it, but if Donny would be happier in a real home, then he would have to just push his feelings down.

    “I don't like it when you work sometimes, Daddy. And I want you to have food, so it's okay now. When I get big, I'll get a nice job and buy you the best house there is.”

    They made it to the station just in time to catch a train, a stroke of good luck given how late it was. It was quite dark now, and the streets near where they slept were always riskier after night had fallen. “I'm not going to make you wait that long, Donny. From now on, I'll try to work more when you're in school. That way we can still be together most of the time.”

    As they sat down, Donny replied “I don't want you to work too hard. I get sad when you come back and you're hurting. I haven't had a home ever, so it's not so bad not having one now.”

    Stephen wasn't sure what to say. “You should have one. If it wasn't for me, you would have a better place to stay, and more toys. Like Diego or Astrid.”

    “I've got you. And I don't want to leave you.” Donny reached his arms out to hug his father. He yawned, getting tired as it was nearly his bedtime.

    The warmth Stephen had felt at Karl's bubbled up again. “And I won't leave you. No matter what, I'll always be there for you.” He didn't know if he could keep that promise. There was always the chance of the wrong person learning about how they lived or something about Stephen. In that case, he was certain his son would be placed in the care of the state. What would happen to him after that didn't bear thinking about.

    Donny was half asleep when the train arrived at their stop. Stephen wished he could carry his son, but the state of his hands made that kind of prolonged holding impossible. Instead he let Donny hang on to his arm as they began to walk home.

    The only other person who had gotten off with them was a teenager wearing a fast-food uniform. He looked to be uncomfortable with being out at this hour, and gave a terse nod to Stephen and Donny, viewing them as a source of support. They didn't walk together, and no words were exchanged, but both saw the other as allies in the struggle of daily life.

    Stephen didn't even bother to check for other occupants when they reached the building. He helped Donny change into his pajamas the best he could, opened a bottle of water for them to brush their teeth with, and made sure that Mr. Stripes and Jeckle were both securely tucked in, and gave him a good-night kiss.

    He looked around at the place they lived. Dust and debris were all over, and there was the danger of rats eating their food. The contrast between him and Karl Mordo seemed even larger than before, now that Stephen had truly seen how the man lived. This environment may have been what he deserved, but Donny shouldn't have to subsist in this world.

    “Welcome home,” Stephen whispered to himself. And as he said the words, a few stray tears fell from his eyes.

 

 

 


	4. A Nighttime Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen attends a meeting about Donny, and remembers the past. Karl sees an encounter one night that leaves him with more questions than answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I'm glad I could get this out today!
> 
> This is a link to the guest mentioned in the chapter. facebook.com/babyhowardbulldog/
> 
> Warnings for chapter: suicidal thoughts.

     Stephen made certain one last time before he entered the school that he looked presentable. It was time for him to have his first parent-teacher conference, and the last thing he wanted was to make a bad impression to Donny's teacher. It was always a problem to look good, largely because most articles of clothing that were less casual used buttons, zippers, or some other method that required manual dexterity to put on. Stephen might have been able to get help from Donny if he were desperate, but he felt bad enough that he needed his child's help to shave. Being dressed by your child crossed a line of what parents should have their children do.

     Well, his pants and shirt were both newly cleaned, and they were also the newest things he owned. While Stephen had made it a priority to try and save twenty dollars a week, luck had been with him last Friday when he'd found a ten-dollar bill. Knowing the meeting with Ms. Minoru was coming up, he had gone to an inexpensive store and gotten a new outfit, the first in many years. He may have not looked professional, but Stephen felt he at least looked like a man struggling to get by, as opposed to a homeless person or drug user.

     “Mr. Strange? I'm Tina Minoru, Donny's teacher. I remember seeing you on the first day. I'm glad to really meet you.” Tina was a petite woman who seemed to be in her element in the classroom. Stephen could see her keeping order among her class or caring for her students' needs without any trouble at all. She extended her hand to him.

    Stephen placed his own shaking hand in hers. “Thank you. You can call me Stephen.” Technically he knew that his title of “Doctor” could still be used, even if he was no longer able to practice medicine. But the use of the word felt wrong, since there was no chance he would do anything related to the medical field ever again. Only Astrid Mordo called him that, most likely because Donny had talked about his past career to her. Stephen didn't know what to think when she called him “Dr. Strange.” On one hand, it was an accurate statement. On the other hand, it was a link to the past that Stephen had put firmly behind him. Yet he couldn't tell Astrid to no longer call him that without giving a reason she would understand, so he let her address him as she chose to.

    Tina didn't remark on the tremor or the scars on his hand. “Well, now that you're here, we can review Donny's progress so far. He's pretty friendly with most of the other children, especially Diego Flores and Astrid Mordo. I know there was a problem with him visiting Diego, but they still appear to be friends on the school grounds.”

     “His mother got the wrong idea about me. I was in a bad car accident years ago, and my hands don't work properly anymore. They've got a permanent tremor, and I think she saw that and decided I was a drug user.”

    A understanding look passed over Tina's face. “I'm sorry to hear that. At least it hasn't kept Donny from being friends with Diego at school.” She paused for a time, most likely to let any lingering discomfort pass. “I can say that academically, Donny is doing very well. He's one of the best reader among the boys in his class, and he has a good grasp of basic arithmetic functions. The only real issue he's had is with his writing, but I've seen great progress so far. He can make all of the capital letters and most of the lowercase ones.”

     Stephen was glad to hear his son was doing so well. “I tried to make sure that Donny had a good basis for school before he began this year. He had a lot of workbooks that taught him some of what he needed to learn, and I made sure to read with him every day.” The memories were clear: Donny spending hours at the library working on his school preparation, learning the basics of language and numbers. It felt unfair at times that Stephen had to make Donny work so much on things that would be taught to him in school anyway, but the realities of their life made the work essential. Since he lacked the ability to give the same kinds of experiences that more fortunate parents could give, Stephen had to try to get Donny the best head start he could. It was a good thing that Donny had taken so well towards the lessons, looking at them as being a kind of job to do.

    “I know that it can be hard for some parents. Donny's on the breakfast and lunch program, as you know. Sometimes I've seen him taking bits of his lunch and putting them in his bag. When I've asked him about it, he says he's trying to save something for you.” There was no condemnation in Tina's voice, no reproach for Stephen making his son so worried about his welfare.

     “If I can't get enough work, then sometimes I don't eat lunch. Donny gets worried, probably because I make sure he gets three meals a day, no matter what.” He didn't mention that half the time he had no appetite for lunch even if he had the money to eat one. Stephen knew that it wasn't a good sign, but as long as he saw no evidence of more serious health problems it went by the wayside.

     “There are programs that can help you with getting enough to eat every day. Several of Donny's classmates have had their families use them. I'll give you a list of them at the end of our meeting. What kind of work do you do, normally?”

     “Odd jobs, here and there. Thanks for the information.” Stephen had no intention of using any of the resources Tina would be giving him. There was too much risk if he was to try and get help of someone seeing the type of home he was able to give Donny, and that would almost certainly lead to his son being taken away. He hoped his answer to the question of work would suffice, because right now Stephen doubted he could come up with something to say.

    “I can also tell you that Donny has been doing well socially. A few children at the beginning of the year picked on him a bit for having old clothes and a backpack that wasn't cool, but he made friends pretty fast and soon they left him alone. We have talked a bit in class about the things we have that others may not be as lucky to have themselves, and I hope that those kinds of lessons will make such things less likely to happen in the future.” Tina knew very well that Donny was one of the least affluent children in her classroom, but she could also see that there were no signs of neglect. Times may have been tough for Donny and Stephen, but she knew that there was a strong bond between father and son.

    “I've always hoped that Don could get out there and meet people who have a lot more than he does. Even if I can't give him a lot, I still want him to know that those things are out there, and if he's lucky he'll be able to get them for his family later on.” Stephen realistically saw no chances for his own lot in life to improve. The best he could hope for was giving Donny a better shot at the future. 

    “As you probably know, we just finished a unit on where we come from. Donny did well, but he did tell me that he wasn't sure about where his mother was from, because he didn't know her. He said she left when he was a baby. The only reason I'm asking is to verify what he said. Most of the time, we operate under the assumption that students will always have their mothers around, but I know that that isn't always the case.”

    “He's right. His mother and I had a transient relationship, and she had no interest in caring for him. It's been just the two of us for his whole life.” Stephen had chosen his words carefully, not wanting to sound too disparaging of the woman who had given him Donny. Despite everything that had happened, Donny alone would always make him think of her in a positive light.

    “Well, I'll make certain to tailor my references to the members of your family a little better. I wouldn't want Donny to feel that there's something wrong with him for not having a mother in his life.”

    “You're right.”

     “Well, that's about everything I think we need to cover. It was a pleasure meeting you, Mr. Strange. Donny is lucky to have you as his father.”

    “Thank you.” The praise, something Stephen rarely heard, made him blush and look away. He couldn't say anything else, so he got up and left the classroom.

     Walking away, Stephen almost wanted to laugh at the idea that Donny was lucky to have him. He was a terrible father, who couldn't give his child anything in life. There were a few times when Stephen wondered if it would have been better if he had just followed through with the first plan for when he was born...

   

* * *

 

    _It felt so sudden, the loss of his apartment._

_Stephen had known that there would come a time when his savings would be exhausted, but he believed that at any point soon he would stumble upon the treatment that would make it possible for him to resume his neurosurgery career. But after the savings had been depleted, and with no signs of any real change in his hands, he began to sell his possessions one by one._

_Now, he had been forced to leave his home in order to get the money to pay off the debts he had incurred over the procedures that had resulted in no change. Stephen only had four hundred dollars left to his name, and nowhere to go. He had never been one for making friends, and Christine had long ago grown tired of all of his selfishness. With no friends or family, Stephen had to see if he could make his own way on the streets of New York._

_It quickly became apparent that staying anywhere for any extended period of time would be too much of a drain on his finances. Stephen had managed to get a transit pass before he had sold his home, so he could go almost anywhere in the city. It was spring, so the weather wasn't really a factor in any decisions being made. Not that it made Stephen's options any better. The first night, he just rode the train all night, catching some sleep whenever he could. A part of him felt that the best option would be to just step in front of one of the trains, but the idea of making someone else be the cause of his death wasn't one he could handle._

_It was nearly a week in to his time on the streets when he met the person who would change his life forever. He had fallen asleep on a park bench, feeling too tired to care about what might happen to him. Stephen woke up to a voice saying “Hey, you!”_

_Still groggy from being awakened so abruptly, he took some time before he could register the woman standing over him. She looked to be close to Stephen's age, perhaps even older than that. She was overly thin, wearing dirty clothes, and seeming to have last bathed some time ago. Her arms were crossed in front of her chest, giving her a defensive posture. “Are you talking to me?”_

_“Of course I am. You've got to be new. Nobody's dumb enough to sleep out in the open like that unless they've been out here not that long. You've got to learn that if you want to last.”_

_“Out where?”_

_“The streets, of course. I can tell by looking at you that you're just starting out here. What was it? Divorce? Accident? Lost your job?”_

_Stephen was starting to become more aware of what was going on. “How do you know I'm living on the streets? I could have just fallen asleep here because I was tired.”_

_“There's a look to you. I've been here for ten years now. I know another street person when I see them. Come with me. I'll show you the ropes. There's a lot to know if you're going to survive, and I know that shit better than anybody. What's your name?”_

_“Stephen.”_

_“Well, Stephen, you can call me Starla. Guess I'm gonna show you how things work here.”_

_As the two of them made their way onward, Starla talked about how you could tell what a good place to stay was. “If the place is all boarded up, you're okay mostly. Try to keep an eye on it for a bit, know if the cops like to go in there. You don't want to have too many people in the same place – no space. But if there's a bunch of people stayin' there, then it's good. Summer's best, because then if you can find a bridge or something you can just stay outside.” Stephen took in every word she said, quickly figuring out that he needed to know these things if he was going to live from now on._

_From that day onward, Stephen and Starla spent most of their days together. Starla got most of her money via shoplifting and selling the goods later on or by selling drugs. She was a drug user herself; with crack and heroin being her substances of choice. Most of the food they got came from her stealing or Stephen's money. He managed at times to get work, but the work available to homeless people normally required one to be able to perform manual tasks. The outcome of the jobs he got was either to be told to leave without pay or being told not to come back for further work. “I don't know what I'll do when my money runs out,” he told Starla one night._

_She shrugged. “Leave it to me. All we need is some food and my stuff. You could go out and sell like I do.” Her favorite work was to sell, mainly because it gave her first pick of the drugs her body craved. The one thing she would not do, as she told Stephen the first night, was to sell her body. “I've got standards. Don't want to be that kind of scum.”_

_It was rare for them to stay anywhere longer than a few weeks. Starla had said once that she was used to moving, since she had been moved around a lot as a kid. It made Stephen feel sad for her. She probably wouldn't have been out here for so long if there was anyone in the world who really cared about her. Given those feelings, it wasn't as much of a shock as it could have been when they started sleeping together. He was pretty sure that he didn't really love her, but most days Stephen was so lonely he would have done almost anything for some sort of affection. She had no problem with their arrangement. “Been so long since I've done anything. I'm clean, I get tested for disease and shit whenever I can.” Her drug use was an issue that never was brought up. Stephen knew how much damage she was doing to herself, but the fear of losing the one person who tolerated him outweighed any concerns. And it wasn't like Starla pushed him to try anything. She had made the offer to “get him some good stuff” early on in their partnership, but Stephen had declined and it was never brought up again._

_They talked. Stephen spoke about his accident and aftermath. “I was texting and driving. My hands got trapped in the dashboard. Major nerve damage, spent everything trying to get them back to normal, or at least close to it. Nothing.” Starla spoke about how she had spent most of her childhood in foster care, and had been on the streets since the man she had been living with had died. Stephen didn't ask what had happened to him. It was as much as the two damaged souls could give to each other._

_The risk of them sleeping together never really crossed their minds. Starla never brought up the idea she might become pregnant, and in turn Stephen never thought that either of them would end up with a child. Therefore after over six months of living on the streets with Starla, it came as an utter shock when she came to him one afternoon and said “We've gotta talk.”_

_“Are you sick?” Stephen had known that she was leaving for an “errand” earlier that day. He assumed that she was making a run through some stores or was meeting up with a dealer somewhere. He never accompanied her for anything of either nature and she never asked him to go with her._

_“Yeah. I'm pregnant.”_

_Stephen felt as if he had been slapped. “Are you sure?”_

_“Hell, yeah. I've been gaining weight, and the tests all told me it was true. Went to see a doctor, and she said I'm nearly six months pregnant. Too late to get rid of it now.”_

_“What are you going to do?”_

_“I sure can't take care of a kid like this. Guess I just have to wait until it comes and find the best place for it.”_

_“What do you mean, the best place for it?”_

_“Like I said, I can't keep a kid. Can't get any kind of doctor's help, since I know damn well what they're gonna say about me. I'll just wait 'til I end up having it and then find a good place to leave them. Someone should find them, and babies are always real quick to get families.”_

_The idea of abandoning his child was abhorrent to Stephen. With no medical care, and the very strong chance that the child would be born addicted to drugs, he wasn't so sure that a family would be so willing to take in a baby with such challenges. “There has to be some other option.”_

_Starla snorted. “Like what?”_

_“Let me take care of them. I'll try my best to be a father to our child.”_

_“And what do I get out of this? Remember, I've got to keep this thing in me for almost three months. You better not expect me to play happy families with you. I swear, if you do I'll just find someone to end this.”_

_“I wouldn't dare ask you to do anything. I was thinking about what you said almost a month ago.” They had been talking about plans for the future. Stephen didn't really have any, but Starla had a dream. She wanted to go south, to Florida or someplace close._

_“Wouldn't have to worry about the weather, and I could do all the same stuff there I do here. Trust me, winter on the streets is no fun, even if you can get a roof over your head.”_

_Now she was looking at him. “You talking about Florida?”_

_“I am. I've still got some money left, and I could use it to get you a bus ticket south. You wouldn't have to take care of the child in any way.”_

_“Don't know how you could do it. It's tough enough for us. Babies make everything even harder.”_

_Stephen wasn't really sure himself how he could care for the child. But he knew that more than anything, he wanted to keep his child. It was a chance to do something right for once in his life. “I'll worry about that when the time comes. But if you're going to get that ticket, I need you to do a few things.”_

_She gave him a look. “What do you want from me?”_

_“First of all, we need to find a way to get you some kind of prenatal care. Where did you go to find out about your pregnancy?”_

_“There's a clinic lots of people I know go to. But if I go to see anybody, they're talking to people, and I'm getting the kid snatched the minute they come out, if they don't just lock me up until then.”_

_“That's the second bit. Starla, I can't have you doing anything until you have the baby. It's three months. That way, you can head off to Florida without any trouble. And I won't have to worry about anyone coming to take the baby away. Please, can you do this for me?”_

_There was a long pause. Stephen thought that he might never get an answer until she said “All right. But you'd better make sure that I don't have to worry about things I might need.”_

_“I promise, I will.”_

_The next three months were some of the hardest of Stephen's life. He had never spent any great length of time with a withdrawing drug user, and it became clear early on that Starla was not thrilled to give up her habits. At times Stephen was afraid she would vanish during the night, but every morning he woke to see Starla there. She was often verbally abusive, and physically lashed out at Stephen at times. “You're the one to blame for all this shit. If I hadn't met you, I'd still be doing what I like. You were stupid enough to get hurt, and then you blew all your shit on getting better when you could've lived like you were. You're an idiot, and this kid is going to have the worst life ever 'cause they're being raised by you.” He couldn't respond to her words. After all, weren't they all true? He was a selfish asshole, and how could he ever be the kind of loving person a child needed to have?_

_Stephen did keep his word, and provided as best he could for Starla. He tried to get jobs when he could, but they all ended up as they had before. With no other options, he was forced to steal food in order to get by. It made him feel terrible, but what choice did he have? They had to eat, especially with Starla's condition._

_They did go to the clinic, and it seemed that despite their circumstances the pregnancy was progressing fairly well. Stephen did have some concerns about the bill, but Starla told him “Don't worry about it. They'll try to get the money out of you, but since we'll never get the bill or the collection notice it's no problem.” They had given a fake address, something she said that she always did when she had to seek some kind of medical care._

_As best he could, Stephen tried to get supplies for his child. At times he was able to find things that were being thrown away, such as a few onesies that someone no longer needed. If he did get money, his first priority was to get formula or other things that were hard to find. This meant that he had to forgo eating from time to time, but what did that matter? The only important thing was his not-yet-born child, who needed the best of everything the world could offer. He had only thought of himself for far too long. Now, he told himself that his own needs were last on the list._

_When the day finally came, Starla checked into the chosen hospital under the name of Sheila Johnson. Stephen realized then that neither one of the names he knew her by might have been her real name, but he didn't think it mattered anymore. The only important thing was his new son, who in spite of what he had lived through in the first two trimesters was a normal weight and showed no signs of withdrawal from any substances. He named him Donny, after his sister._

_One of the good things that came from the three-day stay was the baby things that Stephen was able to get. Knowing that Starla and him were down on their luck (although their homelessness was not revealed), the hospital was able to give them a beginning supply of diapers, formula, and some bottles. Along with the clothes, formula, and a few toys Stephen had obtained on his own, it was enough to get the two of them started on their new life together._

_“Can't wait to get out of here,” Starla remarked on the day she was checking out. “Glad I don't have to deal with the kid being stuck in me anymore.” As they left, with Donny in Stephen's awkward grasp, she stopped. “When we get back, I've got something for you.”_

_The “something” was a sling wrap. It was perfect for carrying Donny around without placing unneeded stress on Stephen's hands. He didn't know what to say in response to the gift – it showed that on some level, Starla did care about her child having a good life. As he felt the heartbeat of his son, Stephen doubted he could ever love someone as much as he did right now._

_Stopping at the building where they had lived in for the remainder of the pregnancy, the only thing the two of them did was gather up their belongings. Stephen had a bag he had put all of Donny's things in, as well as the few clothes he now owned. Starla took her bag as well as the money for her bus ticket. There was no conversation as they arrived at the bus depot. Starla went to the counter, and soon came back clutching a piece of paper. “Here it is. My new life.” She paused, and looked at Stephen and Donny. “Good luck to you. Hope you can give him a better life than I had.”_

_“I'll try my best.”_

_“See ya.” And with those words, Starla walked out of his life for good._

_Walking outside, Stephen looked at his son. At that moment, he began to cry, and Stephen quickly rummaged through his bag to get out a bottle and some formula. The kind he had been given at the hospital didn't need to be mixed, so it was just a matter of getting it in the bottle. A larger amount than he would have liked went onto the pavement, but soon enough Donny was nursing away at his meal. “It's just you and me now, Don,” Stephen whispered. “I love you.”_

   

* * *

 

    It was hard to think that it had been over six years ago. For the first few months, they had been able to get by with what they had, and then Stephen had met someone who was willing to help them out. It would be the only time in Donny's life thus far that they had had a real home, and for a while Stephen had thought he might even be able to get back into medicine in some way. But those plans had come apart, and Donny and him found themselves back on the streets. Stephen still felt guilty about the times he had been forced to steal the things his son needed due to having no way of getting them. He had tried to go to homeless shelters, but most of them were not prepared for a single man with a baby. Facing the threat of having his child taken away from him, Stephen resumed the nomadic life he had lived with Starla.

    Things were a little better now, due to having regular work. He may have felt unhappy most days, and there were times that Stephen didn't know if he could bring himself to go out and work again, but Donny had food, toys, and clothes to wear. It was still a terrible life, but as Stephen thought, he was a terrible person. As long as he kept his son with him, even if it may not be the best for Donny, he would just have to deal with it.

     “Daddy! You're done!” Donny had been playing on the playground, and had come running when he saw his father.

     “I'm done. Ms. Minoru said you're doing really good. I knew you would be a real good student.” And as Donny smiled, Stephen was reminded of his selfishness in keeping his child in such a life. Donny would be better off with people who could give him a real home, but Stephen couldn't leave his child.

    In the end, all of his pain was self-inflicted.

    

* * *

 

     Karl could look back on his night as having been better than he had expected.  The fundraising dinner had gone extraordinary well, with the highlight of the evening being a visit from Baby Howard, who used his bulldog charm to bring smiles to the faces of all those attending. They had ended up taking in almost ten thousand dollars more than the plan had dictated, and at the conclusion he had been singled out for his contributions to the dinner. “I don’t think that anyone here isn’t familiar with Karl Mordo and his efforts on the behalf of the animals of New York. Without him, we wouldn’t be looking at the results we’re seeing tonight.” There was a round of applause, and Karl just shook his head and gave a quick smile to all those present.

    He was proud of that in more than one way. Yes, the fact that he had played a key role in making the night such a success was a source of pride, but Karl was more proud of his reaction to the praise that was sent his way. Twenty years earlier, when he had first left home, his response to any kind of compliment was to angrily lash out at whoever was doing such. It had taken a great deal of work with Pat in order for him to even have a neutral reaction to praise. “People who have a poor self-image don’t take praise very well,” Pat had said years later. “It’s threatening to their worldview. Since you didn’t really think that what was being said was true, you ended up angry with them for lying to you.” Pat was the biggest reason why Karl would proclaim himself to be a big believer in therapy. What kind of parent would he have been to Astrid if he was still prone to such fits of anger?

    Now, driving home, Karl was enjoying the quiet. He was an introvert at heart, and while he was able to go to events such as tonight’s without much trouble, it was somewhat of a relief to be able to just be alone with his thoughts.

   As he turned down a street heading towards home, he glanced out at a man and a woman standing in front of a building. It was past ten, so Karl wondered if they were just getting in from a night out. But as he drove past them, he was surprised to recognize one of them. It was Stephen! He appeared to be listening to the woman talking, even if what they were saying wasn’t clear.

    Karl didn’t think that Stephen lived in this area. Everything he had been able to learn about the man indicated that he was living in poverty, and this was one of the nicer neighborhoods in the city. Was he just passing through? Perhaps the woman was Donny’s mother, although that didn’t seem likely since on the first day they met Stephen had said he didn’t know where she was now.

    _What was Stephen doing?_

    With a feeling of guilt for being so nosy, Karl pulled over a distance away from Stephen and the woman. From here, he could see what they were doing without being noticed himself. The woman was counting on her fingers. She held her hand out to Stephen, bringing each finger on her hand out of the ball they had been curled up in. The gesture was repeated, and she then held her hand palm out at Stephen. His response was the same each time: vigorous shaking of his head. He finally pointed towards the building, at which time the woman shrugged and began to head inside. Stephen looked around for a bit before following her inside. As soon as the door shut behind him, Karl resumed his trip home, with a large sense of bafflement.

    There had been something vaguely wrong about what he had just seen. Was that woman a girlfriend of Stephen’s? He’d never mentioned seeing anyone, but he had never really shared anything with Karl if he wasn’t asked. Could it be that she was married? That would explain why Stephen had glanced around before following her. But if that was the case, then what had the counting been? And that still didn’t explain how the two of them had met. The only place he could think of them meeting was at school, but Karl hadn’t ever seen her before. Wouldn’t the odds dictate that at some point he would have seen this woman if Stephen had gotten to know her?

    Karl still hadn’t come to any conclusions by the time he had come home. He greeted the babysitter, listened to a brief summary of how Astrid had been tonight, and bid them farewell. The entire time, he was still puzzling over Stephen. On some level, Karl knew that nothing he had seen showed anything wrong. Yet there had been some element of the whole encounter which led him to worry. Stephen had showed himself in all of their meetings to be rather shut down and not the type to try and get to know anyone else better. And nothing Karl had seen tonight in his body language indicated that this had changed significantly. How had a stranger gotten to the point of inviting him inside, given that the offer of dinner had been so poorly received despite Karl having worked to become closer to him every afternoon?

    His musings bringing him no closer to an answer, Karl went to sleep, feeling that something was wrong but not knowing what it might be.

   

* * *

 

    The next day, when Karl saw Stephen, he could see two choices before him. He could ask the man about what he had seen last night. That could give him answers, but it was also likely to push Stephen even farther into his isolation and increase the already poor way he saw himself. Or he could say nothing, and be left wondering.

      “It’s always good to see you, Stephen.” And even though he looked at his feet upon hearing the greeting, Karl felt that he had made the right choice.


	5. A Friend in Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl meets someone who might help him to unravel the mysteries of Stephen.

    A few days later, Karl was greeted by another surprise as he and Astrid made their way to school in the morning. Donny was standing at the edge of the playground, accompanied by a man Karl hadn’t ever seen before. The two looked to be completely at ease with each other, so he guessed that while the man was unfamiliar to him, Donny clearly knew and trusted him.

    Walking over to the new man, Karl extended his hand and said “I don’t believe we’ve met before.”

    He smiled, and reached out his own hand. “Of course we haven’t met. You must be Karl. I’m Jason Wong. I’m a friend of Stephen’s. He’s mentioned you before.” The words made Karl feel good – in spite of how shut-off Stephen was, he did value his efforts at friendship. “Stephen had to stay overnight for work, so I took care of Donny last night and brought him in today.”

    “You’re out here today, Donny?” The adult stranger didn’t mean as much to Astrid as did the friend she already knew. “What about your breakfast?”

    “Uncle Wong made me breakfast today. Daddy was working last night, and he couldn’t come get me so I stayed over.” He turned to look at Wong. “You’re going to see Daddy when he gets back, right?”

    “I will, Donny. I’m sure he’ll be here after school for you. I know how much he hates it when he has to leave you.”

    Astrid grabbed Donny’s arm. “Come on. Let’s go play!” And the two of them went over to the swings.

    Karl was curious about a few things he had learned. “So, Jason…”

    “Wong, actually,” he interrupted. “You see, in China, where I lived as a child, the most important name is your family name. That’s what people call you, and it always comes first when your name is printed. After coming here, and learning that Americans use their own names as the form of address, I started telling people to call me Wong, and it stuck.”

     “Well, Wong, how did you meet Stephen?”

    “I work at a library. One day it was raining pretty hard, and I saw a man come in with a baby. They both looked like they were having trouble getting by, and after I saw them a couple more times I started to talk with Stephen. After a while, he started having me look after Donny if he needed someone. I don’t think Stephen’s really got anyone else in his life, so I’m glad he trusts me with his son.”

    “He does love Donny so much,” Karl agreed. “So you’ve known Stephen for how long, now?”

    “Six years, give or take. I wish he would find more people to be friends with, but I can tell that if you know him then you know how he can be. It’s hard to imagine that he used to be so outgoing – at least that’s what he tells me. You seem like the kind of person who should be his friend, Karl.” With that sentence Wong shot him a stern look. Karl wasn’t certain if he was being warned to be kind to Stephen or if Wong was implying that Stephen had friends who shouldn’t have been close to him.

    “Well, I think I should say thank you to that.”

     “Sorry. I know that didn’t come out very well. It’s just that I’m really the only friend that Stephen’s got. He needs to have someone else to rely on. I worry about him.”

    “So do I. He’s so closed off. I wish he would open up a bit more.” There was a certain feeling of relief for Karl in being able to speak about his concerns for Stephen. “I can tell he’s got it hard in life. Donny may have what he needs, but one does need to think of themselves from time to time.”

    “I’ve tried to get Stephen to treat himself a bit more. I always get the same answer ‘I need to provide for Donny first. I’ve already done enough for myself.’ Honestly, I think that he’s more likely to get something for me than he is for himself.” Wong appeared to be distressed at the way Stephen disregarded his own well-being. That made Karl feel more comfortable with him, since he could see they both had a mutual concern over Stephen.

    “So, how often is it that you look after Donny?” Karl said, changing the subject. While he very much wished to change Stephen’s perspective of himself, there didn’t seem to be any easy way to accomplish this. The topic of looking after Donny was one that was safer, and didn’t require any kind of resolution.

    “Like this, overnight? I usually have to take care of him maybe every two or three months. Stephen doesn’t like to leave Donny for too long, so he tries to avoid taking jobs that require him to stay over.  I do watch him more often on weekends. Sometimes he comes to my apartment for a while, and other times he just comes to the library. Donny’s pretty easy to take care of – all he needs are some books and his action figures.”

    “He calls you Uncle. That tells me a lot about how he sees you.”

    “Oh, Stephen’s always been nudging him in that direction. I think that since he doesn’t have any family left, he wants Donny to have at one other person in the world that cares about him. I’m surprised that he hasn’t tried to do the same with you.” There was a contemplative look on Wong’s face as he spoke, and he paused a bit before going on. “Well, it looks like school’s almost starting.” And just as the words came out, Donny came over to him and Karl. “Is everything alright, Donny?”

    “Yeah. I just wanted to make sure I said goodbye to you. Daddy always tells me to say goodbye to Astrid and Mr. Mordo when we leave them. You promise Daddy will come get me today?”

    “I promise he will. Your daddy told me he would see me after I got to the library today, so I know he’ll be there for you. Now, be good in school today, okay?”

    “I will. See you later, Uncle Wong.” Donny reached out and embraced Wong before heading off to begin his day.

    As Karl and Wong watched Donny join Astrid in entering the building, Wong then looked at his watch. “I need to leave now. If I’m not off soon, I’ll be late for work. It was nice to meet you, Karl. I’ll tell Stephen you were thinking of him.”

    “I should be going as well. I’m glad Stephen has a friend like you, Wong.” Karl still wondered why Stephen had been forced to leave his son with a friend for the night. He didn’t drive, so he couldn’t go all that far for work. Even if he took a train out of the city, how far would he have to go before coming home that day wasn’t an option?

     Knowing there would be no answers, Karl began to walk back home, still wondering. He felt that there had been a piece of the puzzle that was Stephen had been given to him. Yet what that piece consisted of remained a mystery.

    

* * *

 

    It was almost noon, and Wong could officially call himself worried.

    It was rare for Stephen to need to have Donny looked after overnight, and when it did happen he almost always returned by ten the next morning at the latest. If he still wasn’t here by now, it was a sign of trouble. The handful of other times he had been so late had never been for any good reason, and although Wong hoped this time the pattern would be different he didn’t hold out all that much hope.

    Trying to pay attention to his work while still glancing over to see anyone who was coming into the library, Wong wondered how different things would have been had he not ended up trying to help Stephen and Donny all those years ago. He’d certainly be spared the worry, but it would also have led to Stephen being forced to give up his son. And if that had happened, then his friend would have completely fallen apart. In spite of the worry Stephen was now causing him, Wong had to say that knowing him and his son had enriched his life beyond measure.

    Now, if only things could improve for the two of them.

     “I’m sorry for being late. Got a bit held up.” Giving Stephen a quick once-over, Wong could see that he didn’t appear all that different than he had last night. So things hadn’t gone as badly as he had feared.

    “I was a little worried, but I’m glad to see you now. Have you eaten?” Stephen had grown thinner over the last couple of years, and he said that it was hard for him to eat a full meal due to lack of appetite. This worried Wong, but Stephen said that he couldn’t see any signs of a physical problem, and if there was one he would have been seeing other effects by now.

    “I had some coffee and a bagel this morning. I’m fine, Wong.”

    “At least as far as I can see. How were things?” In addition to his poor appetite, Stephen had become more downbeat in his expression over the years. At least once he had said that it wasn’t for Donny, he didn’t know if he could go on. Wong knew that work was partially responsible for having beaten down his friend so much. He would have helped more, but his own salary sometimes didn’t cover his own needs, let alone his friend’s.

    “The usual. I’ll probably take a day or two off of working.” When Stephen had to spend the night away due to his work, he often would take time away from it. Even though Wong knew that more time off might help his state of mind, there was no way he could not work for any length of time. The money problem was just too dire.

    “Good. You know how much I worry about you.”

    “You shouldn’t. I’m not worth it. Anything happens, it’s just what I have coming to me.” Wong was the only person, as far as he knew, who knew everything about Stephen’s current and past life. He thought that while yes, Stephen had been an ass in the past; the man he knew was a caring father who wouldn’t deserve most of what he went through even if he were the biggest jerk known to mankind. But there was no way to tell him that without making him shut down and continue his own self-recrimination.

    “Well, even if I shouldn’t worry about you, I do anyway. You’re my friend, Stephen. I hate that whenever you go to work I have to wonder if you’ll be okay when you get back.”

    “Not dead yet. Besides, I was sick for a while and couldn’t work then. That really hit my savings hard. If I want to get a real home for Donny, I need to save up as much as I can.”

    The thought of how much work Stephen would have to do in order to get a place to stay and keep it made Wong shudder. Saying anything would have in all likelihood changed nothing, so instead he said “Well, I’m going to have to ask you to go get lunch with me today. It’ll be on me, so don’t worry about how much it will cost you.”

     “I did just earn sixty-five dollars. I can pay for my fair share. You already have enough trouble getting by on your own, Wong.”

    “I still have a roof over my head.”

    “So do I. And I nearly caused you to lose that roof at one point.” Stephen spoke of what had happened in a tone of voice that betrayed his guilt over that long-ago occurrence.

    “You know I don’t blame you for that. My only regret is that I couldn’t make things better for you and Donny…”

    

* * *

 

    _A public library is always a place for a wide variety of people to gather. Students looking for a quiet place to study, those who need to use the computers for whatever reason, and those who are just seeking a place to stay for a while._

_The man who had just come in was clearly part of the latter group. His clothes were filthy and had holes in them, and his hair and face both looked as if they had last been washed a long time ago. He had a straggly beard that was full of mats, similar to his hair. Wong didn’t think too much of it; there were always homeless people coming in to get out of the elements or to just entertain themselves for a little while. It was raining pretty hard, like it tended to in early May, so more people were ducking in for a while.  But there was one thing that marked the new arrival as being different than most of the others: the sling wrap in which a baby slept in. Unlike his father, the child was clean and the clothes he wore were as close to new as the man could likely get. He began to cry shortly after they entered the library, and he responded as quickly as he could. “Shh, Don. Let me check you out, okay? I’ll get you a bottle as soon as I can.” The two then walked over to the men’s room, and Wong went back to reshelving some books._

     _When they emerged, the man had opened up the duffel bag he carried with him and placed it by one of the chairs. He went back to the bathroom, with a bottle and a can of formula in his hand. The bottle was full after he went to sit down, and with shaking hands lifted it towards his son’s mouth. By propping the bottle against his chest, and not removing the baby from the wrap, he managed to get the feeding done without dropping anything. Wong was curious about the tremor in the homeless man’s hands. It wasn’t likely to be the result of drug withdrawal, since there were no other signs and the first priority of an addict would have been their substance of choice, not food for a baby. While it wasn’t permitted for food and drink to be had on the floor, Wong figured that since breastfeeding mothers usually got a pass that it was alright if this little one needed to eat._

_“Where did someone like that man get a baby?” One of the library’s older patrons was giving a disapproving look towards the new arrivals._

_Feeling in a somewhat cheeky mood, Wong replied “Well, you see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much…” With a snort, she walked away from him. Wong considered this a victory of sorts._

_It looked like the baby had fallen asleep, and his father was beginning to nod off himself. Neither was causing a real disturbance, so the library workers let them stay. If they were in fact homeless (and it seemed they were), then both man and baby deserved a safe place to sleep._

_As the day went on, Wong caught another glimpse of the man with a children’s book. He was reading to his son “Ten apples up on top! We won’t let them drop!” The boy may not have fully understood all the words, but he was clearly listening to the sound of his father’s voice._

_“You have a gorgeous son,” Wong said as he walked by the chair on his way to help a student with the books she needed._

_He looked startled. “Thank you.” His posture was stiff, and his eyes kept darting around, looking for the exits._

_“Are you worried about me talking to someone? Because I can promise I won’t.” The only times Wong would speak to children’s services was if a child came in showing signs of abuse or neglect. But it was clear that this wasn’t one of those cases. The baby boy was clean, and looked to be a normal weight. If it hadn’t been for his father’s appearance, no one would have pegged him as being homeless. Taking him away from his father would do no good for anyone._

_“His name’s Donny.” Some of the tension in his body language had eased._

_“Then hello, Donny. You’re lucky to have such a good daddy.”_

_He shook his head. “I’m not,” he whispered._

_Not knowing what he should say to that, Wong just walked away._

_It became a pattern. While the two of them didn’t show up every day, they were in often enough to be considered regulars. He read to his son, napped in the chairs, and was seen using the hot water in the bathroom to make bottles of formula for his child. On one occasion, he had been seen bathing his child in a bathroom sink. At times he would head over to the children’s section and place his son down on the rug. This served as a way to give Donny a chance to get to move around, and the man could be heard telling him “You can do it, Donny. Go get that over there!” He may not have succeeded in reaching whatever item he was trying to get to (normally a rattle or a small stuffed rabbit), but it gave him a chance to practice his motor skills. Wong took to bringing a bit extra in his lunch so that he could try and help out the homeless man, but that didn’t usually work out as the offer was typically rejected._

_“What do you do for a living?” He wanted to reach out to the man – living on the streets was difficult even for an adult. And with the clear problems he had with his hands in carrying or grasping things, life had to be even harder than it would be for a parent and child._

_“Right now, nothing. Most of the jobs people like me can get need you to use your hands for something. I’ve tried, but I get told to not come back looking again.” He looked embarrassed, as if he was expecting to be judged for his disability._

_“Have you always done odd jobs like that?”_

_“No.” The firmness in his tone told Wong to not press the issue any farther._

_It wasn’t until three weeks after the two had first shown up that anything changed. By this time, Wong had resigned himself to not being able to get anywhere in connecting with the man. Even with the reassurance that he would not try and get his child removed from his care, he still closed himself off from all efforts at being friendly. The circumstances may not have been the biggest issue – it could just be that the man did not want to be friends with anyone. If that was the case, Wong could accept it even though something about the man made him want to know him._

_There was a major difference in the man today. While his face was normally lined with worry, today there was a look of utter despair falling over him. When Donny began to cry, he seemed to fall apart, just standing and not doing anything. Tears welled up in his eyes._

_“Let me help you with him.” Wong walked over to the two of them and reached his arms out for the child. “Does he need to be fed?” A nod. “We’ve got a microwave in the back. I’ll get a bottle for him, okay.” Taking both Donny and the bag the man was carrying, he looked him in the eyes. “It will get better. I’m going to help you, alright?” No reaction, but the man did walk over to sit down in one of the chairs._

_As soon as Donny was being fed, Wong came over to sit next to his father. He had tears streaming down his face by this time, and was silent for so long Wong almost broke the ice himself. Finally, he managed to get out “I’m going to lose him. The only good thing I have now, and I’ll have to give him up.”_

_“You’re talking about Donny? Why?”_

_“Because I have absolutely no money left. Donny, he was sick a couple of days ago. He was having bad diarrhea, and I had to take him to see a doctor. The visit and the medicine I got for him took every last bit of my savings. My transit pass is going to run out soon, and then I won’t be able to go anywhere without walking. I need to be able to go places in order to try and get some type of work, but now I can’t do that. Without money, I can’t do as much for Donny as he needs. So I’m going to have to take him somewhere and give him to the state. I hoped I could handle caring for him, but I was wrong. I end up failing everyone in the end.” Each word came out punctuated by sobs._

_“What’s your name?” It seemed odd that even though he had interacted with the man so many times since the first day they had met, names had never come up._

_“Stephen Strange.”_

_“Jason Wong, Wong to all my friends. I think I have a solution for you.”_

_The tears had dried and Stephen was looking at him intently. “Which would be?”_

_“When I leave tonight, you and Donny come with me. I’ve only got a studio apartment, but I think I can fit the two of you in pretty well.” He was hoping that Stephen would accept the deal. Seeing the despair that was still very much evident in his face left Wong afraid of what would happen in the absence of any kind of help._

_“I guess I don’t have any other choice.” It wasn’t the unconditional “yes” he had been hoping to hear, but at least they could get shelter for a little while._

_“Well, I’m looking forward to having roommates from now on.” And for the first time Wong saw a trace of a smile on Stephen’s face. He handed Donny back to his father, and as soon as the hand-off was completed he began wiggling around._

_“We’re going to a new place tonight, Don. We’ll even have electricity, so I can feed you the right way. Maybe things will get better from now on.”_

_  
_

* * *

 

_After getting off the bus right in front of his building, Wong noticed Stephen was yawning a fair amount. “Why don’t you get some sleep when we get in. I know how babies can keep people up at night.”_

_“It’s not Donny. He sleeps pretty good. It’s just that we’ve been outside for a while, since I haven’t found a building where we can stay that’s safe. Most of the places I’ve found are full of addicts, and I don’t think that’s something Donny should have to deal with now. People can get real upset if they hear a baby cry.” The way he spoke made Wong suspect Stephen was speaking from experience._

_Unlocking the door, he said “That’s not going to be a problem here. Get some rest, and I can get anything we might need.” The apartment was an ordinary studio, with a kitchen set-up near to where one would sleep. Stephen walked over to the bed, and, after making sure Wong was holding Donny, hesitated for a moment before pulling the covers aside._

_“I’m only going to rest a bit. Donny likes to eat a bit later in the evening, so wake me up for that if I’m not…” His words trailed off as his eyes drooped shut._

_Wong had no plans on doing so. He looked at Donny and said “Let’s see what your daddy’s got for you.” Opening up the bag Stephen carried with him, he could see a change of clothes for a man, and at least three different outfits for Donny. There looked to be a somewhat adequate supply of diapers and formula, so for the time being those didn’t have to be purchased. There were two bottles, and both looked to be fairly clean. The rabbit that had made an appearance in the library was also inside, but no other toys could be seen. “Come on, Donny. We’re going shopping.”_

_It was around ten that they finally came back. Wong had bought a variety of staple foods so that he could stretch his budget a bit more to feed his guests. He also had a fold-up crib, an infant activity center, two new sets of clothes for Donny, and a sleeping bag for Stephen. His fellow shopper had been very well-behaved, only getting fussy near the end of the trip. Wong had remembered to bring a bottle, so after paying he sat down to give Donny his dinner._

_Stephen was still sleeping, and Wong knew that he wouldn’t disturb the man until he woke up. He put together the crib and lay a sleeping Donny inside. With a quick stop at the refrigerator to get some cold noodles, he unfolded the sleeping bag and turned in for the night._

_It was past noon the next day when Stephen woke up. “Oh God! How long was I asleep? Donny, he’s got to be hungry and I need to see if he needs changing and - ”_

_Wong put a hand up. “It’s alright. You needed the rest. I’ve fed Donny, and we went for a nice walk this morning. He’s playing with his new toy now. As for you, I’m going to get you some lunch. The bathroom’s over there. Take a shower, if you’d like.” While if that wasn’t something he wanted to do now, it would be fine, but Stephen did smell quite a bit. He would likely feel better if he were to look more presentable._

_Stephen did bathe, and even though his hair was still tangled he seemed to have rejoined the world in a way. His clothes still looked ratty, but that could be fixed by another trip to the store. The pasta and tomato sauce Wong had chosen for his meal was consumed rapidly and without any words spoken. After two plates full of food, he turned to look at his ally. “Thank you. I don’t know what to say. This is the first time in almost a year I’ve felt like I could get some kind of life again.”_

_“You needed help. I can give it. Besides, I want to be your friend, Stephen.”_

_“I don’t know if that’s a good idea. I haven’t been a very good person. Sometimes I think Donny shouldn’t have a father like me.”_

_“Everything I’ve seen with you and Donny makes me think you’re doing the best you can. I noticed that you have pretty much everything he needs. That’s an accomplishment seeing how your money situation is.”_

_“Yeah, well, lots of times in stores they don’t pay much attention to those things. I know that it’s wrong, but if I can’t get any kind of job…” Stephen trailed off, looking ashamed at have to resort to theft._

_“Well, that shouldn’t be necessary from now on. Let’s talk.”_

_And talk they did. Stephen told Wong the whole story about his career, accident, and life on the streets. When he spoke about Donny, his face lit up in pride. “Only good thing that’s happened to me until you came around, Wong.” In turn, Wong spoke about leaving his family to live and study in the US, and the challenges he face in learning to navigate a world that was different than the one he had known. As night fell, both men felt that they understood each other and began the process of friendship._

_The next three months would be the most stable of Stephen and Donny’s lives. Wong helped Stephen get new clothes that would be easy to handle with his hands, brought him to a barber so he no longer looked so ragged, and made efforts at looking for some kind of work Stephen could do. That turned out to not be necessary, because shortly after moving in he began to run errands for people who lived in the building and had problems in taking care of them on their own. Stephen also spent some time looking after some children when their parents were working, and with these little jobs he began to buy more things for Donny and himself._

_“I’m going to do something for you someday,” Stephen said to Wong one morning while he was spooning rice cereal into Donny’s mouth. “Now that I’m getting some kind of regular income, I think I might be able to get back into medicine.”_

_“What would you be doing?”_

_“Not operating, of course. I still could provide consulting services to the neurology department in some major hospital. I don’t think I could work at the same place I did before – it would be too awkward – but there’s no shortage of places to look in the city. After getting a job, it wouldn’t be too long before Donny and I could get a place of our own. You could even come with us, if you’d like.”_

_“I’ll think about it.” The idea wasn’t too bad to Wong. He got along with both of his guests, and with the cost of rent in New York having a roommate was nearly always a smart choice. “Might even put an end to my family asking me when I’m getting married.”_

_“Why haven’t you, if it wouldn’t be rude to ask?”_

_“I’m waiting for the right woman. I’m certain that when I meet her, I’ll know it. Met and been introduced to a few people that everyone says will be perfect for me, but none of those relationships have gone far. Why don’t **you** have a wife?”_

_“What makes you think I want to marry a woman?” Stephen’s voice was tinged with amusement._

_“Having a child with one is a big clue, I would say.”_

_“Being interested in women doesn’t mean I’m not into men. I’ve had a very large amount of partners over the years, male and female. I know that you didn’t mean anything by it, but there have been a lot of people telling me I need to pick a side and stick with it. Maybe if I meet someone who I really want to be with, then I’ll settle down. But I’ll still be bisexual, no matter which “side” I pick.”_

_Conversations like that were what helped the two men to become friends. It looked as if Stephen would be getting his life back together thanks to Wong’s friendship, but three months after Stephen and Donny moved in everything fell apart._

_Since there had been no reaction from his landlord in the first few weeks he had had guests, Wong had assumed that there would be no problems with them as long as they left before the lease was renewed. Therefore it was a shock when while heading out one day he was accosted by the landlord saying “Who are those people who are staying with you?”_

_“Stephen and Donny. They’re friends who are having a hard time. I told them to come stay with me a while.”_

_“They’re not on the lease. They shouldn’t be here.”_

_“It’s just going to be a few more weeks. Stephen’s looking for work, and then he can get a place of his own.”_

_“Well, if they’re staying you can afford to pay more rent. Should be easy if you have someone helping you out.”_

_There was no way Wong could afford to pay any more than he already did. It could still be some time before Stephen got work and his first paycheck. “Just give me two weeks.”_

_“One week. I’m not wanting to turn somebody out on such short notice. Find them a place, or I’ll raise the rent next month.”_

_This in effect would amount to eviction. Not knowing what to do, Wong didn’t bring up the issue until dinner that night._

_Stephen didn’t even hesitate. “If I’m causing trouble, I need to leave. I’ll get my things, and Donny and I will be gone.”_

_“I’m going to find a shelter nearby. If you can stay there until you get a job, then no one will have a problem with you keeping Donny.” He may not have been able to get them to stay, but there was no way he would turn them out onto the streets with no notice._

_“Thank you Wong, for everything you’ve done for us. I won’t forget it.” With those parting words, Stephen and his son headed out into the night, directions to the shelter in his hand._

_It was a few days before Wong saw them again. Stephen’s face had regained the fatigue it had lost during his stay, and his clothes looked rumpled. “How have you been? How’s the job hunt going?”_

_“The shelter we went to – it didn’t have a place for both me and Donny. They said they could find alternative arrangements for him, but I’m pretty sure they meant foster care. So we packed up and left.”_

_“What are you going to do, then? Where are you staying?” Wong had a feeling that things were not going to be changing anytime soon._

_“Same places we’ve stayed before. Without a real home, I can’t hope to get the kind of work I wanted. We’ll get by, just like we have before.”_

 

* * *

 

    “Get by” they did. Stephen had eventually managed to get his regular work, but there was never enough money to make ends meet. Thanks to some advice and a gym membership, Wong knew that neither Stephen nor Donny looked like a homeless person, and that they had a fairly good shelter right now. What did it matter that Stephen had lost any kind of pleasure in his life, and that each job seemed to take a bit of his humanity from him?

    “Well, let’s go out. Lunch is on me.” There was nothing in the world he wanted more than for his friend to be happy. Perhaps Karl Mordo could play a role in granting that happiness, but until then all Wong could give was child-watching services and lunch. It would have to do.


	6. Giving Thanks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Thanksgiving, and Karl has guests. Donny has concerns, and Stephen has guilt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was one of the chapters I've been most looking forward to writing, which is likely why I got this one out so fast.
> 
> This is the video Astrid shows Donny in this chapter:http://www.nfl.com/videos/nfl-cant-miss-plays/0ap2000000099384/WK-12-Can-t-Miss-Play-How-to-lose-a-game-in-60-seconds
> 
> The story Karl tells Stephen about Astrid's mother is a revised version of how they knew each other from the comics.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: shameless retconning of football history.

    “They're here! Daddy, get the door!”

    The smell of roasting turkey was filling the Mordo home. Thanksgiving hadn't been a holiday that Karl had celebrated until he had moved to New York. But after all of the years he had spent in America, he had come to appreciate the value of such an occasion.

    And for this Thanksgiving, there would be visitors. Karl had started talking about the day with Stephen around two weeks prior. “Astrid and I always have plenty of food, and Thanksgiving is a time to spend with others.” Stephen was fairly non-committal in his refusal, which emboldened Karl to keep trying. He spoke of how much Astrid wanted to see Donny, of the various dishes that were to be served, and of how much he had enjoyed Stephen's company during the dinner they had shared. Since that day, Donny had come to play with Astrid on two more occasions, but Stephen had always shown up after dinner was eaten.

    The gentle prodding had eventually borne fruit. “Alright, Donny and I will come over. I'll try to bring a little something for dinner. Just don't expect too much.” Karl had reassured him that even if the only thing he could bring was himself, it would still be what he wanted to see.

    With the sounds of football on the television providing a source of background noise, Karl opened the door to see Stephen and Donny standing there. Donny was wearing a button-down shirt and a pair of khaki pants, while Stephen was wearing a sweatshirt and his usual track pants. A pie plate was held in his hands, and the usual unease could be seen in his posture. Karl hoped to get rid of some of that during their visit.

    “Hi, Mr. Mordo. Daddy brought a blueberry pie. I like cherry pie best, but the store didn't have that kind. I haven't had turkey since last Thanksgiving, so I can't wait to try yours!” Donny was full of his usual exuberance as he looked for Astrid.

    “I can't wait to try it. Astrid is watching the game. I think that you'll want to join her. I'm so glad to see you, Stephen. Come in and make yourself comfortable.”

    Donny raced in, while Stephen moved more slowly. “Where should I put this?”

    “On the counter in the kitchen. You should see a pumpkin pie right there.”

    Astrid, with a new red dress, grinned when she saw Donny. “Hi Donny! I'm happy you're here, since we normally don't have anybody to eat with.” She glanced over to Stephen. “Hi, Dr. Strange. I hope you like turkey, 'cause we've got a real big one. And we have stuffing and rolls and green beans and mashed potatoes - ”

    Stephen raised his hand. “It all sounds good, Astrid. It smells really good, too.” Karl hoped that it meant he would eat a good deal. Stephen was clearly underweight, and while he had looked as if he had been able to put on some weight in the last month or so, there was a fairly good chance that the apparent weight gain was the result of wearing extra layers of clothing rather than any increase in the amount of food being eaten. Since the weight gain had come as the weather had been getting colder, Karl feared it was the former.

    Donny sat down on the couch next to Astrid. “I don't know a lot about football.”

    “Daddy and I watch games every Sunday. Thanksgiving games are real fun. Oh! I bet you haven't seen it!” Astrid looked at her father. “Daddy? Is it okay if I show Donny the butt video?” He nodded. “C'mon! It's really funny!”

    “The butt video?”

    “Yeah, I'll show you. Come with me.” The two went off to Karl's study. Stephen then moved to sit on the newly vacated couch, and Karl sat down next to him. He didn’t move, which gave Karl some measure of hope.

    “I guess you're a football fan.” Stephen had started the conversation on his own, a surprise to Karl.

    “I am. I wasn't really a fan until I came to the US and met Pat. He's a big fan, and he introduced me to the game.”

    “I didn't know you weren't from here. Where is your family from?”

    “Romania.” Karl knew that the answer wasn't completely true, but his messed-up family was not something he felt that he could share right now. Stephen clearly had his own problems, and dumping on him even more troubles felt like too much.

    “Ah. So you made a friend, and he got you into sports. Sounds like a good way to get to know people. Sometimes I wish that I'd done the same.” As was normal when Stephen shared anything, he looked down at his feet.

    “I'm not close to a great deal of people. You and Pat are probably the only ones I trust without reservation.” Karl hoped that Stephen would understand how much it meant that he was counted among those closest to him. “I've told Pat a few times that I bet he's only friends with me now because I got him Super Bowl tickets a few years ago.”

    “Have you ever been?”

    “Only once. Super Bowl XLII, in Arizona. I wouldn't have missed that one for anything in the world.” Karl smiled at the memory.

    A knowing look passed over Stephen's face. “Oh dear. You must have been crushed. That last-second pass... the touchdown... the win. You went all that way hoping to see an upset, and just had it in your grasp.”

    Karl started laughing. “You thought I was disappointed? I was ecstatic. What an ending to a perfect season.”

    “Wait. You're not a Giants fan?”

    “No. Pat's from Connecticut. His wife's a Bills fan, which hasn't been as difficult as it should be. But they were both cheering on the Patriots for that game. Anyway, the Giants got them back in 2011.”

    “I've never been one for sports. I guess I can't share that kind of thing with you.”

    “That's not important to me. What do you like to do?”

    “I read when I get the chance. I don't have a lot of leisure time, so my hobbies don't really exist. Before my accident, I used to play the piano. But back then I spent most of my time working.” It felt like a dream, of sorts. For the first time, Stephen seemed to be opening up to Karl about his life. This might have been due to the two of them being alone, and not having to worry about what Astrid or Donny might hear.

    “I took piano lessons when I was a child, but I never enjoyed playing. There are times when I think I should have kept it up, but there's too much bitterness tied into the memories for me to want to try again.” Karl was surprised at how much he was now willing to share with Stephen. Pat had been the only one who had ever heard about his music lessons, and he had said on occasion that unless Astrid truly wanted to play an instrument she would not be forced into learning one. Shifting the topic, he said “I haven't had guests for Thanksgiving since Astrid was a baby and Lilia came to visit then.”

    “Lilia? Is she Astrid's mother?”

    “Yes.”

    “You said that you had a unique relationship with her when we first met. If you don't mind me asking, what did you mean by that?” Stephen looked to be curious, but at the same time not wanting to pry.

    Karl was amazed that Stephen had even remembered that bit of their meeting. It went to show that regardless of how he acted, Stephen did value Karl's presence. “Well, that's a bit of a long story. I guess it started with my grandfather – my father's father. After his wife died, he met Lilia's grandmother. Her husband had left her not long ago. They both had children – my father and her mother. That was enough of a connection, and they became lovers. Because of that, both of them remained friendly as adults, and I knew Lilia well. When we became adults, we essentially upgraded our relationship to 'friends with benefits' as long as we weren't seeing anyone else.” Karl gave a brief smile at the memory. “Since Lilia was on the pill, neither of us had ever thought about children. Imagine my surprise when Lilia showed up at my door one day saying she was pregnant. She hadn't been seeing anyone else, so I knew I was the father.”

    “Well, I know that Astrid was born then. So what made things end up the way they did?” Stephen's honest curiosity made his questions flow naturally as part of regular conversation.

    “Lilia never wanted children. She's a photographer, and her work takes her all over the globe. 'An aunt, I could be. But never a mother.' I understood her, because it's not good for children to be uprooted constantly, to say nothing of some of the more dangerous places she goes to. But she knew that I wanted to be a father, and when she found out she was expecting she decided to give me what I wanted. She lived with me the entire time she was carrying Astrid, and I went along to all of the visits with the doctor. Our plan was simple: Lilia would stay until she had given birth and maybe a while afterwards. From that point onward, I would be the main parent in Astrid's life. And that was what happened, in the end.”

    “Does Lilia see Astrid?”

    “A few times a year. Mostly they see each other when we go visit her mother in Romania. Astrid likes her mother, but I wouldn't say they have a normal relationship. But it works for us, and I still think we made the right choices back then. As for our own relationship, we're still friends, but nothing more. Keeping up our old arrangement would just be confusing for Astrid.”

    Stephen seemed to have thought of something. “Why didn't your grandfather marry her grandmother?”

    “That would never have been permitted. It was bad enough that she didn't come from money, but that might have been overlooked if she wasn't Romani. The prejudice against them is still quite strong back home even now, so you can only imagine what it was like a few generations ago. People were shocked enough that he was even keeping her as a mistress.”

    “I guess I never would have thought of something like that. People's attitudes sometimes surprise me. Have you had any serious relationships since Astrid was born?”

    “Yes, two of them. The second one ended when she moved to North Carolina for her job. I did think at the time it was pretty serious, but we both agreed when she moved that if we were meant for each other than either I would have gone with her or she wouldn't have taken the position in the first place. The first one... that's a slightly more complicated story.” The memories still made Karl feel a mixture of anger and embarrassment.

    He had met Kaecilius Sorensen at an event for victims of child abuse in the city. Kaecilius was a top-notch lawyer, known for representing women in various family law cases. His vigorous defense of his clients had earned him the nickname of “the Zealot”. Karl had struck up a conversation with him, and the night had ended with Kaecilius giving him his phone number. He had called him back, and a date was made.

    Before too long, the men were spending more and more time with each other. Karl had thought that he had found the perfect person to spend his life with: someone who was passionate about many of the same things he was, generous, and caring. They weren't always in total agreement, especially on children's issues, but Karl enjoyed his ability to argue his case on the matter at hand. Kaecilius was also prone towards giving gifts, starting with an inscribed watch on one of their first dates and following up with assorted items Karl loved. He didn't bring his boyfriend to meet Astrid yet, believing that since she was not yet two at the time it would be better to hold off until he knew that it was serious. In hindsight, one of the first warning signs he should have seen was Kaecilius's seeming annoyance with children they encountered when they went out. But Karl felt like he was really in love this time, and was even planning on asking him to move in until everything fell apart one night.

    He had shown up at Kaecilius's apartment for the dinner they were going out to. He hadn't been quite ready, so Karl ended up sitting in the living room waiting for him. Since he had been running late due to a court appearance taking longer than planned, it could be some time before he was ready to go. Karl eventually got up and began walking around, but stopped after seeing a bottle of medicine on top of a piece of paper in the kitchen. Feeling a bit guilty for prying, he looked at the paper and had his heart skip a beat.

    The paper was from a doctor's office, confirming his test results. Kaecilius had tested positive for chlamydia, and the bottle contained the antibiotics he was to take until the infection cleared up. There was no way that he could have gotten the disease except by cheating on Karl. And when Kaecilius had emerged from his bedroom, Karl confronted him.

    He denied it at first. It had to have been Karl seeing someone else, not him. But Karl held steadfast to his own monogamy, and the denial wore down. It was frightening, seeing the change on the face of the man he had planned on introducing to his daughter. Kaecilius gave Karl a cold look, and as the mask he wore fell away, he then said “There are people you take home and there are the ones you fuck. Shouldn't you be glad you're part of the former?” The words had been chilling, not just for the content but also the tone. His superior demeanor accompanied by his cultured voice made Karl realize he didn't really know him at all. He had stormed out of the building after angry words were exchanged, and had tossed the watch he had worn since it was given to him in a far corner of some drawer.

    With the memories burning a hole inside him, Karl said “He was a lawyer I met at an event. I thought for a while that he might be the person I wanted to spend my life with, but that ended when I found out he was cheating on me.”

    “How did you find out?”

    “It's pretty obvious when you see a doctor's note telling him that he tested positive for chlamydia, and giving instructions on how to get rid of it. He tried to say I might have given it to him, but owned up to it in the end. I'm glad I never did let him meet Astrid, because having to tell your child that someone their father was dating is really scum isn't anything I wanted to do.”

    The conversation had brought back some of Stephen's uneasiness. He jumped up from the couch where he and Karl sat and began to explore around the room. He stopped on a framed photo of a man and child sitting on an end table. “Is that you, Karl?”

    “Yes. It's one of the few pictures I have of me with my father. He died when I was nearly five, and we never had the chance to become close. I always wish things could have gone differently for the two of us.”

    “I'm sorry to hear that.” Stephen wasn't looking in Karl's direction as he spoke. He suspected that at some point in the past Stephen may have been unfaithful to one of his partners, and hearing about how Karl had been betrayed reminded him of it.

    “Donny said that you don't have any family left. I do have a few relatives left, but we aren't really on speaking terms. They've never met Astrid, and I hope they never do.”

    “You shouldn't have to be so alone, Karl. You deserve all of the family in the world.” The sorrow that could be heard in his voice told Karl that his impressions of the man were correct: Stephen was a caring person, even if he didn't always show it.

    “What about you? Have you had any serious relationships?” There was nothing that could be said on the topic of families. And truth be told, Karl genuinely wanted to know if there had ever been someone in Stephen's life. Donny's mother, perhaps, or maybe a different person.

    Stephen sat down on one of the chairs flanking the television. He looked away for a moment before saying “I went out with a lot of people before I got hurt, but nothing was really serious. And now, I don't think I'll ever have any kind of relationship with anyone ever.”

    Was it because his past endeavors had given him no faith in finding someone, or had a past relationship soured him on love? Either way, it was sad that Stephen thought he would never be with anyone seriously. “I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you end up meeting someone who will change your mind on that.”

    “That's not going to happen.” His voice was so low he was almost whispering.

    Seeing the time, Karl remarked “I'm going to check on the turkey, and start peeling some potatoes. Make yourself at home.”

 

* * *

 

    “The butt video”, as Astrid had called it, was one of the funniest things Donny had ever seen. The quarterback for the Jets hadn't been looking where he was going, and ran into his teammate's butt. And then he dropped the ball, and a Patriot picked it up and got a touchdown. “Wow. I guess I see why you like it so much.”

    “Yeah. It happened when I was a baby. Daddy said he laughed so hard when he saw it that he woke me up, and I started crying since I didn't know what was happening. I hope we win the Super Bowl this year. I've seen all of the times we won, but four of them were before I was born. I still didn't see the last one until last year, 'cause I was little and didn't understand it. I can give you some of my football books so you can learn more.”

    “That sounds cool.” Donny wished he had a computer so he could see things like that whenever he liked. He wasn't going to ask Daddy about it, because last time he'd asked about them not having a real home he'd gotten real sad after. Seeing Daddy sad made Donny's heart hurt, because he couldn't do anything about it.

    Astrid was now pulling some books out of her bookcase. “Has your daddy got paid for work again?” She always wanted to know now if Dr. Strange hadn't gotten paid for working. She had asked Daddy if people always got paid when they worked, but he said that stuff like cleaning your room wasn't something you paid for. This was still confusing to her, since when they had somebody clean for them they got paid. How come Dr. Strange had to do work and think he would get paid but didn't? Astrid had wanted to ask her father about that, but she'd seen how his face looked when she'd told him that sometimes he didn't eat lunch like Donny did. Daddy had been real sad, and tried to get Dr. Strange to come to lunch with him some time, but he never did. He hadn't come back for dinner, either.

    “I'll get you your books back after we go back to school. I hope Daddy doesn't have to work too much while I don't have to go to school. I like being with him better.”

    “What do you do when he works? If Daddy goes out he gets me a babysitter.”

    “Sometimes I stay with Uncle Wong or just at the library he works at. I can go to McDonald's sometimes or some other place. The bookstore is fun, but they don't like it if you're alone and a kid.”

    “Why don't you have somebody stay with you?”

    “I don't think Daddy knows anyone but Uncle Wong who can stay with me.”

    Astrid didn’t say anything for a while. “You want to see another video?”

    “Okay.”

    This one wasn’t funny like the butt one, but it was still really good. There were only a few seconds left in the Super Bowl, and the Patriots were down by three. “If they lose, they lose a perfect season,” Astrid explained.

    “One last gasp. Brady throws the ball, long and deep, and… MOSS HAS GOT IT! HE’S IN THE END ZONE! The Patriots lead by three, with one second left! What an ending! What a season!”

    “That’s the radio guy for the Patriots. I like this video best of all. I’ve seen all the games from that year, even though I wasn’t born yet.”

    Donny wanted to see those videos. And he wanted to have a place to live like Astrid and Mr. Mordo did, and for Daddy to not have to work so he wouldn’t worry about him, and all kinds of things he couldn’t have. But he knew that he couldn’t talk about things like that, because when he had been in kindergarten a girl in his class had gotten taken from her mom and dad since they didn’t have a real home. Losing his daddy would be the worst thing to ever happen to him, and he told himself it wasn’t too bad where they lived now. They were inside, and nobody else was there and yelling or doing other stuff. Donny also didn’t want Daddy to work too much, since he got sad after he worked a lot of times. Sometimes, he heard him crying at night. Donny wanted to make his daddy happy, but he didn’t know how to.

    “Donny? Are you okay?” Astrid looked worried as she looked at Donny.

    “Daddy’s been sad lately. I think it’s because he has to work more since I’m in school. He gets sad after he works sometimes.”

    “Can you give him a hug? That’s what I’d do.”

    “I do, but I can hear him cry at night.” Donny looked at his feet. He wanted things to be better, but they didn’t end up that way.

    “Maybe it’s his hands. If they hurt him, he wouldn’t be happy.”

    Daddy had said his hands weren’t feeling all that good lately. Donny smiled, since he knew what was wrong. “I bet that’s right. As soon as his hands feel better, he should be happy again. Thanks, Astrid.”

    “Yeah. You want to go back out with Daddy?”

    “Yeah.” They left the study and walked into the living room. Both their fathers were sitting down, with Dr. Strange in a chair and Mr. Mordo on the couch.

    “Did you have a good time, Donny?”

    “I did, Daddy. I always like playing with Astrid.”

    “I’m glad. It’s good to have friends.”

    “Dinner should be ready soon. Astrid, can you help me set the table?”

    “Okay, Daddy.” They went into the kitchen. Astrid had a question for him. “Daddy, is Dr. Strange your friend?”

    “I hope so. It’s tough, since I don’t think he likes himself very much. When you don’t like yourself, then you don’t feel good about other people liking you.”

    “Why doesn’t he like himself?”

    “I wish I knew, Astrid. I hope if we’re nice to him, then Dr. Strange will be able to accept our friendship.”

    Donny was also talking to his father. “Do you like coming here, Daddy?”

    “Mr. Mordo is always nice to me, and Astrid is a good friend to you. So I guess I do like it here.”

    “How come you don’t come visit more, then?”

    “Because I don’t want to take advantage of Mr. Mordo being nice to us. He might think I’m only coming to spend time at a nice place like his.”

    “Isn’t he your friend?”

    “No. I’m not somebody he would want to be friends with.”

    “Why?”

    “Because I’m not a very good person. I’ve done things that aren’t good.”

    “I think you’re good, Daddy. I bet Mr. Mordo thinks that, too.”

    Before anything more could be said, Astrid ran in the room. “Time to eat!” And without another word they got up and headed off to dinner.

 

* * *

 

    When it was all said and done, Karl could look at Thanksgiving dinner as being a success. True, Stephen was still more quiet than he wished to see, and he ate less than would be desired, but the overall atmosphere at the table had been that of family. There was laughter, and Donny and Astrid got along as they always did. Part of Karl wished that things could always be like this. There was something to be said for having others around to share the joy of celebration with you.

    Most importantly, Stephen had seemed to be somewhat more at ease being around them. At times he still ended up pointing his gaze downward, but he was a part of all of the conversation that occurred. He even sat next to Karl while they ate, and initiated conversation between them. He hoped this could lead to them growing closer. Even with the distance Stephen had given him so far, he knew that he wanted the other man to be a part of his life in some way.

    They lingered over dessert, with both pies being sampled at different times along with coffee for the two men. Donny and Astrid brought out Monopoly, and before too long a game was underway. Stephen surprised everyone by acting as the banker, and when Karl had the misfortune to land on one of his properties that contained a hotel he said with a small smile “Pay up.” It wasn't much, but it was the first time that Karl had seen any joy in his face.

    The game ended in an essential draw between Stephen and Astrid, since by the time the two of them were the only ones left playing it was past eight PM. Donny and Stephen both got up to leave, and Karl said “Let me get you some leftovers to take home. We always have so much food left after the holidays, and it's a shame to waste it.”

    “That's fine. It'll be nice to not have to worry about meals tomorrow.” The admission of how hard it had to be for him and Donny to get by felt like another breakthrough.

    Yet that wasn't the final surprise. As Stephen and Donny were at the door, Karl said “I had a great time with you here. Come back soon.”

    “Thank you, Mr. Mordo. This was the best Thanksgiving ever, even better than when we went to Denny's!”

    “You liked having me, Karl?” The question was asked in a low tone, with Stephen not making eye contact as he spoke.

    “Yes, I did. I like to think of you as my friend, Stephen.” And as those words came out, a surprising thing happened. Stephen moved closer to Karl, and extended his arms out towards him. Reading his body language, Karl opened up his own arms and wrapped Stephen in a hug.

     It was strange. Karl could feel how little substance the man seemed to have, as well as the stillness of his body. He clearly wasn't used to such kinds of physical contact, but he in turn placed his arms around Karl and said “Thank you.”

     “It was my pleasure. Goodnight, Stephen.” He released him, and remained at the door for some time after the two of them had left. There was a feeling building in Karl that he'd only felt a few times before, and he hoped that if it was what he thought it was that he could continue to grow close to Stephen.

 

* * *

 

_Selfish asshole. Of course you made his problems all about you._

    The inner voice of Stephen Strange was lashing out at him, and he knew that everything it said was true.

_Karl is telling you all about how his partner cheated on him, and you got so out of sorts you couldn't be sorry for him. He should know everything about you. Then see if he ever talks to you again._

    Despite his efforts to keep Karl at a distance, Stephen knew that deep down he wanted to be closer to the other man. Karl was his superior in every way: he had had a friendship with his child's mother, as opposed to a person he slept with out of loneliness who could have been anyone; he could provide everything his child needed, rather than passing up on work that might give his child a better life because it was “too much”; and he was devoted to charitable causes rather than his own career. If Karl were to learn about how he and Donny really lived, he most likely would try to get Donny taken away from him. A part of him knew that it would be the right thing, as Stephen could not provide for Donny the way he should. He felt guilty that he had taken advantage of Karl's kindness today. They had gotten a meal, and had a day where neither one had to worry about what to do during the day. Even if his son never said a word, Stephen knew he wished to have a home like Astrid did. The only way that would happen would be if he got over his own stupid inhibitions on working and just went for as much money as he could in a day. Getting sick earlier in the year hadn't helped, because whenever Stephen became unwell he couldn't work for nearly two weeks at a time. That always took away his savings. Yet Donny had to be provided for, so he just kept going on.

     Work had been hitting him harder than usual. Stephen thought this might be due to Karl's efforts at friendship. After working, if he encountered the other man outside of school he felt as if he didn't even deserve to be standing near him. Donny had remarked on how sad he looked sometimes, and last week when Stephen had been unable to sleep, as tended to be his usual pattern, he had heard him crying over how things were.

_Suck it up. I'm only getting what I deserve. I'm horrible, so if people aren't the best to me it's only fair. Get more work, and get over yourself. Donny should have more, and he would if you could drag your ass off to work everyday, more than just once. He's suffering because of you._

    Looking around the building to make sure Donny was fast asleep, Stephen checked his phone to see if he'd gotten any offers of work today. And there was one, but it wasn't one he liked to see. Some of his work connections were not good to deal with, and this one was his least favorite.

    Well, it was Black Friday tomorrow. He could leave Donny at one of the stores where people were shopping, and go meet up with his connection. He was likely to get some money out of it, and Stephen hoped that he could maybe get some kind of treat for his son, as a reward for waiting patiently. He only hoped it wouldn't be too long – there were times when this connection had him working for nearly twelve hours. Stephen decided to give Donny a time limit, and tell him to go to Wong's if he hadn't come back by that time. And they had the leftovers Karl had given them. They would last a little while, especially the rolls and green beans. Some of the food would likely go bad before it could be eaten, but November was cool enough to make it last longer.

    With his plans for the next day in place, Stephen slipped into an uneasy sleep. The holidays were over for now.

 


	7. This Very Christmas Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas is here, but not everything about the season is wonderful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second holiday chapter in a row. We're getting closer to some of the parts I'm really excited to write, so hopefully it will be out soon.

    Everywhere one went in the city, you could see the signs of Christmas approaching. Stores were decorated, people selling wreaths and trees were found on almost every corner, and the biggest topic of conversation among children was what they wanted for the holiday.

    Astrid and Donny were no exception to this. Right now, as they were going out for recess, Astrid was talking about her and Karl's plans for Christmas. “When school gets out we're getting on a plane and going to Romania to visit with Bunică and stay at Daddy's home there. Bunică lives there, all by herself even though it's a really big place. I think my mother might be there too, and we'll have a Christmas tree outside in the gardens, and there'll be so much other fun stuff! I hope Santa gets me an American Girl doll. I really want one, but Daddy said I have to wait 'til I'm a bit older. What are you doing for Christmas?”

    Donny was preoccupied by fiddling with his shoes for a moment. “Daddy and I go to see Uncle Wong for Christmas. I hope I can get a Batman bag. Then I'll have one like the other kids. I want new gloves, too.” He stopped again to slide off one of his shoes. “Ow.”

    “What's wrong with your feet?”

    “My shoes hurt. I think they're too small now.” Donny had begun to remove the other shoe as well.

    “You should talk to your daddy. He'll get you new ones.” The matter seemed simple to Astrid.

    “I can't. Then Daddy might not eat. If we don't have money, then he doesn't get food. I don't like it when he doesn't eat, because I know he must be hungry.”

    Astrid was unsure of what to say. The idea of choosing between shoes and food was horrible, and she was at a loss as to how to correct the problem. “I can get him food from home.”

    “Daddy would just give it to me. He says I need it more.”

    A tentative resolution was forming in Astrid's mind. “Well, maybe you'll get shoes for Christmas.”

    “Yeah. Maybe.”

    During dinner, Astrid decided to ask her father about what she wanted to do. “Daddy? Can I get Donny a Christmas present?”

    “Of course you can. It’s always a good thing to get gifts for your friends. In fact, isn’t Julie coming over tomorrow? Why don’t we go out then, and Julie might be able to do some shopping of her own?”

    She nodded. “That’s good.”

    “Then it’s settled.” They went back to eating.

 

* * *

 

    A shopping trip wasn’t usually something Karl enjoyed very much. He liked getting gifts for the people in his life, but the hassles of holiday shopping added a sour tinge to the pleasure he got. But with Astrid and Julie in tow, giggling over something that had happened in school that day, he felt he would be able to have a good time today.

    “Julie, who are you getting gifts for? I’ve got to get something for Daddy, and Donny, and Bunică, and Dr. Strange.”

    “My mom and dad, and my baby sister, and my grandparents. I don't know if I should get presents for my aunt and uncle since I don't see them very much. They live in Wuhan, and that's in China so it's really far away. Even if I get them a present I'm not getting one for my cousin. Last summer we went to see them and he made fun of me for not knowing more Chinese. It's not my fault since my parents don't speak much Chinese since _their_ parents made them speak English all the time so they could be more American. My aunt made him stop, but I still don't like him. When I grow up I'm going to learn a dozen languages and teach my kids every one of them.”

    “If you don't see him much, then I don't think you need to get a present for him.” Karl was eager to put a halt to Julie's verbal overflow. Her outgoing nature made her easy to become friendly with, but like many other children she didn't always know when to remain silent. “Who do you want to shop for first, Astrid?”

    “Donny. I'm going to get him new shoes.”

    A surprising choice. “Why are you getting those?”

    “His shoes hurt his feet. I think they're too small, and he said that if he tells his daddy, then he won't have anything to eat for a while.” There was a grave look on Astrid's face as she spoke.

    Karl wished he could say he was surprised. He had seen both Donny and Stephen's winter coats as the weather grew cooler. Donny wore a fairly normal jacket that was plain but still in good shape, but Stephen's own coat was wearing thin, and at one point he had seen a hole in it. And even with the state of his hands, he didn't have any gloves to wear. He had once mentioned to Karl that he felt hot and cold more acutely in his hands now, so as it grew closer to January and the worst of the cold Karl knew that the pain Stephen was in would grow.

    But it didn't have to be that way. With the holidays coming closer, if Karl were to get a coat and some gloves for Stephen it could be a gift as opposed to an act of charity. He had tried at times since Thanksgiving to bring food for him and Donny, but Stephen refused. “I should be responsible for feeding myself. If I can't, then it's my fault.” The words once again told Karl that Stephen did not like himself very much, but he still didn't know why that was the case.

    The children's shoe department was located right in the middle of all the other items for children, which served both Astrid and Julie well. Julie picked out a blanket and Christmas outfit for her sister, because “It's her first time having Christmas. She needs something new for it!” For Astrid, it turned out to be harder than she had first thought. It was easy to pick out a few pairs of shoes that Donny would like, but the real problem came with getting the right size. She hadn't thought about that before planning on getting a gift.

    “Do you have any idea how big your friend's feet are?” asked the salesperson.

    “My size, I think. Maybe a little smaller.”

    “Then let me measure your feet. And if you still aren't sure, we can just get you a gift receipt. Then he can bring them back and get the right size.” These words served to ease some of the distress Astrid had over the situation, and she took off her shoes to get her feet measured.

    The pair that ended up being chosen was one that was black with markings of red and blue. Karl paid for half the price of the shoes, and Astrid pulled the rest of the money out of her change purse, and took the bag with a big grin on her face. “Donny will be so happy to get this! Now he doesn't have to worry about his feet hurting, and Dr. Strange can still eat his meals. I can't wait to give him his present.”

    Their next stop was a sports apparel store for Julie, as she wanted a Mets shirt for her father. “He always likes to watch them, so I know he'll like it.” The two girls then began to talk about their fathers' respective love of sports, and the games they had gone to. Karl used this time to plan what kind of coat he would get for Stephen.

    The first priority had to be ease of use. He knew there were clothes specifically made for people with mobility impairments, and when he got home he would research where to find them in New York. Karl also needed to get a coat that wasn't too obviously expensive. Given how he knew Stephen, it was a sure thing that anything overly pricey would be turned down over not deserving to have that much spent on him. And of course, it had to be warm enough for the winter.

    Julie and Astrid were now holding new bags containing their purchases. It didn't take much guessing to know that Astrid had gotten his present in the store, but Karl hadn't been paying attention to what was in her hand so it was still going to be a surprise on Christmas day.

    Returning to the department store where they had gotten the shoes, the next stop was the jewelry counter. Astrid got a pair of earrings for her grandmother, and Julie after much deliberation picked a watch for her mother. That took almost all of her remaining money, so Karl gave her another five dollars so she could continue to shop for the other members of her family. “Thank you, Mr. Mordo. I'll try to get stuff that's not so much money now.” Karl assured her that it wasn't uncommon for someone to spend too much when they first got money to spend, and even more so at Christmas time.

    When they had finally finished their run through the stores, Karl and the children got into his car and dropped Julie off at her home. She waved to Astrid as her father stood at the door to greet her, and ran inside babbling away about her successful shopping venture. For the most part, the ride was silent, until Karl was parking. At that time Astrid said “I hope Dr. Strange likes the gloves I got him.” She had chosen the gloves last of all, and they were a fine pair, leather with a cashmere lining. “Now his hands won't be cold anymore.”

    “You're right. That's a good present, honey.” Karl was also glad that they would complement his planned gift quite well. And it would be much harder for Stephen to reject Astrid's present, which might make him accept Karl's gift as well.

    “Are you getting Dr. Strange a present, Daddy?”

    “Yes. I always get gifts for my friends. It would make me feel bad if I couldn't give Dr. Strange something to show him I like him a lot.”

    “I think I know how you feel. I liked getting a present for Donny. It made me happy when I gave him Jeckle. He'll really like having new shoes.” The solemn tone of her words made Karl suppress a smile, but knowing how important Astrid's gift was to her he kept a straight face.

    Later that evening, Karl began his search for the perfect coat. There were more options in clothing for people who had problems similar to Stephen's than he had ever imagined. The coats he found to be the best all had magnets for their closures, so fastening them was a matter of simply drawing the ends close enough to engage. But there was far more, with a variety of shirts and pants done in a manner close to what the coats used. For a brief while Karl entertained the idea of filling his shopping cart with an entire new wardrobe for Stephen before he came to his senses. Giving too much would just overwhelm the man. During the earliest period of his life in New York Karl had also felt uncomfortable with receiving gifts, despite both his mother and grandfather being extremely generous materially. The day that accepting such gifts had been a source of joy for him had taken time, and Stephen as far as he could tell was not at that point.

    The coat that he chose was a long coat made of wool and a grey color. Fastening it looked to be simple, and unlike some other designs there was no sash or belt around the waist. Not knowing what size Stephen wore (although he suspected it was small), Karl went with the medium. It might have been too big, but it was better to go for too big a size as opposed to too small. The price was nearly four hundred dollars, but since it was an online order there would not be a price tag so the recipient could see how much was spent on them.

    Putting in his credit card information, Karl glanced outside to see a few stray flakes of snow falling. He thought of the home of his early childhood, and how it would look all dressed up for the Christmas season. Soon he and Astrid would be going there, and he could talk more about Stephen with someone who would listen.

    Perhaps then, he would get some answers.

 

* * *

 

    It was the final day of school before Christmas vacation. All of the students in Ms. Minoru's class were chattering about their plans. Donny kind of wished that he and Daddy could go to Astrid's again, but she had told him they were going away. “We go see Bunică, and you should see our home there! It's the biggest place I've ever seen! I like going places, but when we go to Romania it's not like going someplace because it's like another home. But last year we went to Jamaica in February, and I really liked it. I got to try some spicy chicken, and Daddy and I went swimming every day. Have you gone on vacation?”

    “No. I went to New Jersey once with Uncle Wong, but I've never been anywhere else.”

    Astrid fell silent. “Maybe you'll get to go somewhere someday. I've got a present for you.” She went over to her bag and pulled out a shoe box. “Merry Christmas.”

    Donny couldn't believe it! For the first time, he had shoes that were new! Everything Daddy got him had been worn by somebody before, and now he could have new stuff just like everybody else. He put on the shoes, which were a little big but he hoped his feet would get bigger soon. “Thank you, Astrid. I really like them.” He hugged her close. “I'm sorry I don't have something for you.”

    She shrugged. “I've got lots of things, and I'll get gifts from everybody else. I have a gift for your daddy, too. I'll give it to him after school.”

    Donny had never seen Daddy get a Christmas present. When he asked Uncle Wong why he never got a gift, he said that Daddy had asked to not get anything from him. “You can't always do the same things for people, because sometimes happy things make them sad.” He didn't know why presents made Daddy sad. Maybe it would be different if Astrid gave him something.

    “I hope he likes your present.”

    “I do, too.”

    The school day was way more fun than usual, because they had a big party with all kinds of treats. There were cupcakes, cookies, candy, and brownies as well as fruit punch. Both Donny and Astrid ate so much they didn’t know if they could eat anything else. For Donny, it was even more special since he’d never had that many sweet things at once. Sometimes Daddy got him a cookie or a candy bar, and he got cake when it was his birthday. Donny made sure to put some stuff in his bag so he could get Daddy a treat as well.

    It felt like no time had passed when the bell rang and everyone dashed out the door to their parents. Cries of “Merry Christmas!”, “Happy Holidays!”, and “See you next year!” echoed through the halls and out to the playground. Astrid made sure to look for Dr. Strange, so she could give him his present right away.

    “There they are!” Donny pointed towards their fathers who had both arrived together. Both children ran to meet them, but stopped as they saw them talking.

    “I just wanted to let you know how much I’ve enjoyed getting to know you, Stephen. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.”

    “I hope you have a good Christmas as well, Karl.” Stephen looked more comfortable than he ever had speaking to him.

    “Before you go today, I wanted to give you something. Merry Christmas.” From a shopping bag in his hand Karl produced a large box. Stephen reached out to open the box, but dropped it as soon as he saw the contents. “Is something wrong?”

    He looked stricken. “Karl, I can’t take this.”

    “You need a new coat. And this one has magnets, so it will be easier for you to put on.”

    He walked away from the box. “No. I can't... Why did you get this?”

    “Because I think of you as a friend, Stephen. If I see you need something, I want to help you with it.” Karl picked up the box from the ground. Stephen was clearly in distress: his breath was coming in short pants, and the ever-present tremors in his hands were more pronounced than usual. His face was a deathly pale color, and Karl feared he might even pass out.

    “You can't get a gift for me, Karl. I – I think I – please, don't make me take this.” This was turning out to be a disaster. It had seemed likely that Stephen would reject the gift due to the way he responded to virtually everything one did for him, but this reaction went far beyond anything that had happened before.

    “If you don't want it, I'll take it back. I'm so sorry, Stephen. I never meant to cause you harm. I hope you understand that I was trying to be a friend to you.” The box was picked up and put in the bag. This eased some of Stephen's distress, but he still seemed pained by the whole experience.

    “I should be able to take a gift, but...” The words trailed off. There was something behind them, something Karl didn't understand. What was it about gifts that caused such panic?

    Donny and Astrid were standing at a distance from their fathers. Astrid had been digging in her bag for her own present, but seeing how Daddy's gift hadn't gone well she wasn't sure if she should take it out. “Why didn't he want his present?”

    “He doesn't like presents. Uncle Wong says it's because they make him unhappy. One of his friends got him a scarf once, but Daddy gave it to somebody else. He said it was too much.” Donny, in spite of his words, seemed to know little more about why his father could not accept gifts than Astrid did. He took the chance to run over to his father and yelled “Daddy! We had a party at school, and Astrid got me shoes! Look!”

    “They look like real nice shoes, Don. I'm glad you got an early Christmas present.” He looked at Karl. “What are your plans for the holidays?”

    “Tomorrow Astrid and I are flying out to Romania. We'll be spending Christmas at my father's home there. We've been doing this ever since she was a baby. Her grandmother – Lilia's mother – lives there, so we get to spend time with her as well.”

    “It sounds nice. I hope you have a good vacation. Merry Christmas, Karl.” He walked over to the other man, and for a moment it looked as if something would happen. But in an instant the moment was gone. “Let's go, Donny. Merry Christmas, Astrid.” And they walked to the station, Donny chattering about the party.

    Karl and Astrid were alone now, and they too began to walk home. Astrid asked her father “Why didn't Dr. Strange like your present?”

    “I don't know if he didn't like it, or if he just thought he couldn't take it. I think getting a gift made him upset.”

    “Why?”

    “I wish I knew, Astrid. I wish I knew.”

 

* * *

 

    As he walked up the path towards his home, Karl was carrying a sleeping Astrid. Even with the time difference, it was still late by New York time when they arrived at their destination. There were lights on in the windows that glowed with Christmas colors, and a wreath hung on the door. Karl may not have chosen to live here, despite his inheritance, but coming home always made him feel loved and secure.

    With the snow crunching under his feet, Karl knocked on the door. The woman who opened the door greeted him with a large smile on her face. “Karl. It's so good to see you.”

    “The pleasure is mine, Soacră.” Given that he had never married Lilia, the title for her mother wasn't the most accurate, but he never felt comfortable calling her by her first name. Simply using the last name felt far too impersonal, so Karl stuck with calling her “mother-in-law”. 

    Anyone who looked at Lilia Morgu could tell she had lived a hard life. She had been abandoned by her father in infancy, watched her mother fall for a man who could never marry her due to his title and her Romani blood, found love only to have him murdered in what was called a botched robbery but was more likely to have been an act of hate. Lilia M. was then left to raise her young daughter by herself, a task made much harder when Nikolai Mordo had died and was no longer able to send a generous stipend of money to support someone he had known as being like a sister to him. She had worked as hard as she could, getting her daughter the best education she could receive until Karl had fully come into his title at the age of twenty-one. From that day onward, her material needs were covered in full. And since he was living in New York, Karl had also allowed her to live in the Mordo family home. This led to talk among those who lived in the area, about how a fine old home was now being ruined by an old gypsy woman. To Lilia M., the words meant nothing. She was not willing to hire any servants to handle household jobs, so all the work was done by her alone. Her daughter was well-off, she had a beautiful grandchild, and she was healthy. All of these things made her one of the richest people Karl knew.

    “Go and put Astrid to bed. Then we can catch up with each other.” The Romanian words reminded Karl of the few times he had been able to spend with his father, and sent a familiar wave of regret throughout his body.

    Astrid did not stir as she was placed in bed. Their bags were waiting outside, and Karl went to grab them accompanied by Lilia M. “Do you know when Lilia might arrive?”

    “Some time tomorrow. She said when we last spoke that her plane might get delayed because a storm was coming in. There are days when I wish Lilia didn't travel so much, but I know how happy that makes her.” During his childhood, Karl had found it strange that mother and daughter shared the same name. Lilia had told him that when she was born, her father had wanted to give her the finest name he could. And he saw no finer name than that of her mother. “And what of you, Karl? How have you been?”

    “Right now I'm dealing with a problem. Do you remember the man I told you about, Stephen? He's the father of one of Astrid's friends. I've been trying to get to know him better, but he's so closed off. Yet there's something that tells me he does want to be my friend, but he holds back. And when I got a coat for him as a Christmas present, Stephen seemed to have a panic attack over the gift. I know he has problems making ends meet, but there's something I can't put my finger on. He always thinks the worst of himself, but I've only seen him as a loving father and kind man. Something is wrong here, but I can't figure out what it is or how to get closer to him. I wonder if I should just give him space.”

    She shook her head. “It seems to me that this man is crying out for your friendship. If he truly wished to not be close to you, he would avoid you. Whatever it is he hides must be something that could ruin your friendship, or at least he feels it would. Don't impose upon him, but this Stephen is in need of what you can give. Don't offer charity – just be there for him. In time all things will come to light if you can gain his trust. I see you care for him. I hope he can learn to understand that in time.”

    Her words soothed Karl, and made him feel better about his actions in giving Stephen the gift. The coat was now tucked away in his closet at home, and perhaps one day he could accept it.

    He wondered how Stephen and Donny's Christmas would be this year. Would they be able to enjoy the holiday? Were they alone? He hoped they could be as happy as he was right now.

 

* * *

 

    Donny had his eyes firmly closed. He and Stephen were standing at the door of Wong's apartment, and Donny didn't want to take any chances of getting too early a glimpse of his Christmas gifts. Stephen wished he could share his son's enthusiasm for the holiday, but getting gifts was something he could no longer enjoy.

    “Merry Christmas! Come on in, you guys.” Wong was smiling as he opened the door. It was always good to spend holidays with friends. “Why don't you go look under the tree, Donny. I bet you'll be real surprised.”

    Donny looked under the small tree. There were two packages for him, and a Batman backpack. “Wow! Now I've got a bag like other kids!”

    “Open it up and see what else you've got.” The bag and its contents were from Stephen, courtesy of being able to work a few extra times leading up to Christmas. On one of those occasions he had to go and sit down by himself before going to get Donny so he could appear more composed. But the happiness Donny was showing made it worth it. Besides, if he was a better person work would be better for him.

    “New gloves! And look at all this candy! Thank you, Daddy!” Donny looked at the other gifts. “These must be from Santa and Uncle Wong.” The first he opened was a racing car like the one Diego had.

    “I've got some batteries so you can try it out today. Just be careful, because if it hits something it might break.” Wong was glad to see Donny getting to enjoy Christmas like other children. There had been holidays in the past when Stephen had been unable to get any kind of gift for his son. Donny didn't remember those times, but his father certainly did. “Now, you can see what I got you.” Wong's present was a book, _Roller Skates_. “I don't know if you've heard of this book, but it's very good. It's about a girl who lives in New York over a hundred years ago and all the people she meets and makes friends with. Your daddy can help you if it's too hard for you.”

    “I'm going to try and read it now. Thanks, Uncle Wong.”

    Donny began to read through his new book. While reading, he heard Daddy talking with Uncle Wong. “You know that wasn't why he got you a gift.”

    “I know, but when I saw it it was like something snapped in me. Karl doesn't know anything about me, so he couldn't have been thinking – ” and Donny couldn't hear the rest.

    “I've only met him once. From that meeting I saw Karl's not going to be put back if he knew anything.”

    “Most people would be.”

    “I'm not.”

    “It's different. I think of you and Karl in a different way. I'm not sure what he is, but I want to know him better. All I've done so far is to hurt him, so even without everything else he shouldn't be my friend.”

    “Stephen, I wish you could see you the way I do.”

    “I see what I am. You just manage to ignore those parts.”

    “I'm going to check on dinner.” It was an old argument. Wong knew deep down that Stephen's problems couldn't be fixed just by being his friend. His self-image would have been bad enough without taking work into account. With that, he was watching Stephen be destroyed each day. 

    After a while, Donny put down his new book and began to play with his car. The car may not have been a Batmobile, but that didn't matter much to him as he took his Batman and managed to get him attached to it in a fashion. Stephen sat down next to him, asking a few questions about what Batman was doing, and Donny was more than happy to provide answers.

    Christmas dinner was ready and all three of them were sitting down when Stephen felt his phone vibrate. He let it ring for a time, and debated over whether or not he should answer it. It was Christmas, so he might be able to get by without taking advantage of a work opportunity. But the prospect of getting a little extra was just too good to pass up, so he said “I've got a call.”

    Donny's face fell. “You have to work? But it's  _Christmas_ , Daddy! Tell them you can't go!”

    “Sorry, Don. If I don't go, it might be harder to get more work later. I'll try to get you some candy or something after, okay?” Stephen placed a quick kiss on Donny's forehead. “Be good for Uncle Wong while I'm gone.” The door slammed shut.

    “I wish Daddy didn't have to work on Christmas,” Donny said looking down at his dinner. “I want him to have fun.”

    “I wish he didn't have to work at all,” mumbled Wong. “Maybe your daddy will be back soon. Until then, we'll eat our dinner and I'll put in a movie for you. How about _Cars_?”

    “Yeah.” Donny felt a little bit better, but he wished Daddy could have stayed. He hoped he wouldn't have to work too hard.

* * *

 

    It was well past Donny's bedtime when Stephen came back. One look at him told Wong things hadn't been so good. He looked utterly crushed, and there may have been tears in his eyes. “Were things okay?”

    “Not as bad as it could have been. Didn't get all the money. I got Donny some M'n'Ms. Hoping I don't have to do it again tomorrow.” The mental strain Stephen was under was clear in his short sentences. He sat down in a chair, slumped over and looking at Donny who was sleeping on an air mattress. “Don't really want to wake him up.”

    “Then don't. Stay here tonight.”

    “I don't want you to get in trouble, Wong. I know that it's tough enough for you to get by, and I'm not going to take chances I'll lose your home for you.”

    “It's one night. Donny stays for a night and nothing's happened then. Please, Stephen. Think of it as your Christmas gift to me.”

    Not having the strength to argue any longer, Stephen opened up the closet and pulled out some blankets. Wong gave him one of the pillows from his bed and he was asleep in no time at all.

    Wong looked over his two friends, both of whom had far too many burdens on their shoulders. “Merry Christmas,” he whispered. If the only gift he gave them was a night safe inside, then that gift was the most valuable thing to give.

 

 

 

 


	8. Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catalyst: an agent that causes a reaction to occur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the fastest I've written a chapter, and it might be the one that goes over least successfully.
> 
> As a note, in all of my other chapters warnings are placed at the beginning of the chapter, but this one has the warning at the end to avoid spoilers. If you're concerned, scroll down before reading.

     It was the final day of Karl’s visit to his old home when he made his annual pilgrimage. He carried a poinsettia to serve as an adornment, and snow crunched under his feet as he walked down the path. At times in the past Astrid had gone with him, but now Karl needed the time alone.

    The familiar stone sat amid the various monuments and markers that served to mark the past of the Mordo family. Karl paused before reading the inscription he knew so well.

**Baron Nikolai Mordo**

    “Hello, father.” He never had known what the best way of addressing his father was. During his life, his mother had always worked to keep as much distance between father and son as possible. “He doesn’t care for children,” had been the mantra repeated until Karl had gotten the news of his father’s untimely death. It was only as he grew to adulthood that he started to learn more about the man Nikolai was – a lover of literature, history, and one who had always felt pride in his only child. Karl had lost out on knowing him in life, and now it was only at his father’s grave that he felt close to the man.

    “Astrid has started school. You should see how much she’s grown! It’s a public school, but I think that it’s better for her to go there. She’s made friends, and I’ve met one of the parents of them. His name’s Stephen. He’s having a hard time.” He paused to compose himself. “I gave him a Christmas present, but it went badly. I thought that he just didn’t want to accept charity, but now I don’t think that was his problem. Something about it frightened him. Stephen is hiding things. He never opens up. I don’t know if it’s something from the past or something now that keeps him so distant. I’ve learned about him – he was a doctor, a very-well known one, before he was in an accident years ago. He loves his son so much. I want to help him in some way, but I don’t know what I need to do.” A sigh. “I wish I knew what to do. Maybe you could help me if you were still here.”

    Like many other times before, Karl could almost swear he felt a hand on his shoulder. This was something he did not share with many people. Whether or not it actually came from his father's spirit or it was just wishful thinking, Karl knew that when he felt it, he needed it.

    “I hope you like what I brought you.” He smiled. “Same time next year, right?” He placed the plant down and walked off. Soon, he would be home. Then perhaps he could work on helping Stephen and Donny in whatever way they needed.

 

* * *

 

    Things did not go as Karl wanted them to after the holidays were over. Stephen wasn't any more distant than he had been in the past, so the ill-advised gift hadn't permanently damaged the relationship before the two of them. Yet the ever-present strain one could see on Stephen's face was growing more prominent. Even Donny appeared to be concerned about him, as was told to Karl by Astrid. But no matter how Karl tried to bring up how he was, the answer was always the same. “I'm fine. Worry about someone who's worth your time.”

    It was now halfway through January, and some of the mornings were now cold enough for Karl to take Astrid in his car. No matter what the weather, he always walked in the afternoon. He never deceived himself as to why this was the case: it was a chance to see Stephen. Earlier during the week, he noticed the man looked slightly paler than usual, and was also coughing on occasion. “Are you feeling all right?”

    “No. I've got a bit of a cold. Hope it won't end up sticking around too long. And I hope I don't wind up infecting you.” They both laughed, and Karl said it wouldn't be a problem if he did.

    Now it was Friday. The end of the school week was a happy occasion for the students, and Donny and Astrid both bounded out of the building as fast as they could. Karl was surprised that he had beat Stephen to school, but within a few minutes he could be seen coming into view. His concern grew when he heard the hacking cough coming from his friend. “Stephen, that sounds bad. You should go see a doctor and get checked out.”

    “I'm going to the clinic on Monday. They don't charge that much. I just hope that it doesn't keep me from working too long.” Mentions of work had become more frequent over time, but one question was never asked or answered: what do you do for work?

    It didn’t occur to Karl until he got home that he should have asked Stephen for his number. He’d never thought of asking him for any way of reaching him, and now that he thought about it he realized he didn’t know where he and Donny lived. Karl wasn’t planning on dropping in unannounced even if he had known the address, but given that Donny came and visited them it was ideal if he could get a hold of Stephen if something were to happen.

    Vowing to ask on Monday, Karl went to his office.

 

* * *

 

    Astrid and Karl had just started to eat their dinner when there was a knocking on the door. Not certain who could be visiting at this hour, Karl went to answer the door.

    Standing in the doorway was Stephen and Donny. Donny was holding a stuffed tiger in his arms, and was wearing his backpack. Stephen looked to be glad to see Karl. “Karl. I’m so sorry. I need you to look after Donny for a while.”

     “Why? Is there some problem?” Was it because Stephen was sicker than he thought? Did he need to go to the hospital?

    “No problem. It’s work. I’ve got a good opportunity right now, but there’s no one who can take care of Donny tonight. Wong’s gone to see his family in China, and you’re the only one I trust. I promise, I’ll be back before the end of tonight.” Stephen had such a desperate look on his face that Karl knew there was no way he could say no. He turned away to cough as he awaited a response.

    “Of course I can look after Donny. Come on in. Astrid and I just started dinner. Take a seat and join us.” Donny dropped his bag and toy and walked into the kitchen. “Do you know when you might be back?”

    “No. It shouldn’t be more than a few hours. It’s six now, so by ten would be a good guess. Thanks, Karl. You don’t know how much this means to me.” Stephen went over to Donny. “I’ve got to work now, okay? Be good for Mr. Mordo.” With those words, Stephen went out the door.

    “Hi, Donny. I’m glad to see you. We’re having spaghetti for dinner. I love spaghetti almost as much as ice cream!” Astrid didn’t think twice about seeing her friend show up for dinner. She was just happy to see him.

    Donny sat down, and Karl started to get him a plate of pasta and salad. As Donny began to eat, he felt that now he could ask one of the questions about Stephen that was on his mind. “Donny, what kind of work does your father do?”

    The answer was not one he had expected. “I don’t know. He doesn’t tell me.”

    “He doesn’t tell you?”

    “No. Daddy just says he has to go work and he does.” Donny’s words came from around a mouthful of spaghetti.

    “Do you know how he gets work?” It seemed bizarre to Karl that Donny knew nothing about how Stephen made a living. Children always wanted to know about what their parents were doing, so either Donny was remarkably unquestioning or Stephen was keeping the knowledge from him.

    “His friends give him work.”

    “His friends?” Now this sounded wrong. Stephen wasn’t close to anyone but him and Wong. Wong worked for a library, as he had been told once, so the odds of him having work tended to be low. Besides, Donny had referred to “friends”, as in the plural. How had Stephen gotten multiple people close enough to him in order for them to trust him with some manner of work? “Who are his friends?”

    “Don’t know them. Daddy gets phone calls from them, but I’ve only met a couple.”

    Karl was now seriously concerned. He had a sudden thought on Stephen's friends: could they be supplying him with drugs? “Does anything happen if he doesn't see his friends?”

    “He doesn't get money, and we can't get stuff.” Donny clearly hadn't understood the question.

    “Does anything happen to him? Does he get sick?”

    “No. Daddy only gets sick sometimes. Then he can't work. He has to take medicine then, too.” Judging by Donny's statements, Karl felt he could rule out Stephen having some kind of drug problem. He'd never seen anything indicating withdrawal symptoms in the other man, but given that Karl didn't know anyone who used hard drugs he could have missed something. But Donny would have had some idea, so if he didn't say anything then chances were drugs were not the problem.

    “What kind of medicine does he take?”

    “The kind the doctor gives you. Daddy has to take it until it's gone. Then he can work more.”

    “How much does he work?” Maybe a question not relating to the nature of Stephen's work would yield more answers.

    “Mostly he works when I'm in school. He works on weekends more now, 'cause he wants to get us more money. I wish he didn't work so much. Sometimes he goes to work but doesn't get paid.” Donny looked bothered by this.

    If Stephen wasn't always being paid for his work, then he was likely working off the table. Karl had felt that whatever he did couldn't pay much due to his clear poverty, but now it seemed that it was worse than that. Stephen, if he wasn't on the books as being employed, had none of the protections an ordinary employee would. Karl remembered Astrid having asked him months ago about whether or not you always got paid for work. He had told her that the type of work she did didn't get you any money, but now it dawned on him that she had asked the question because Donny had told her his father didn't get paid. “Most people have to work to get enough to live on, Donny.”

    “Yeah. But Daddy's sadder when he works more. And sometimes – ” His words cut off.

    Karl was now more convinced than ever that something was very wrong. “Sometimes what, Donny?”

    “Nothing.” He looked as if he had said something he shouldn't. The rest of the meal was consumed in silence.

    When they were done, Astrid took Donny to her room. “I've got to show you Josefina. I got her from Christmas. And I got some Wonder Woman toys, so we can play with them and your Batman.” Karl ended up in the living room working on a crossword, keeping his ears open for Stephen's arrival. By the time he had finished, it was almost eight and there was still no sign of Stephen.

    Even though it wasn't quite time for Astrid to go to bed, Karl knew that unless Stephen showed up fairly soon he might end up needing to put Donny to bed as well. Knocking on Astrid's door, he said “Donny? Did you bring anything for bedtime? It's not time to go to sleep yet, but I think your daddy might not get here by then.”

    “I've got my pajamas and toothbrush. Oh, and Mr. Stripes and Jeckle. Daddy told me he might come back after I'm sleeping, so he told me to bring that stuff.”

    “All right. I'll be back in a little while, so I can help you get ready for bed. I'm going to have you sleep in our guest room, okay?”

    “I get my own room? Cool. Daddy and I sleep in the same place.” Donny indicated that Stephen and him shared a room, so Karl was willing to bet they had a studio somewhere.

    “Well, there's no reason to have you stay with Astrid when we have an empty room no one's using. I'll go make the bed for you, okay?”

    Donny nodded, and Karl went to get some spare bedding.

    Bedtime came, and no Stephen. Astrid and Donny both went into the bathroom to brush their teeth, and Karl first came into Astrid's room to tuck her in like he did every night. “Daddy, why isn't Dr. Strange back yet?”

    “He must be still working. He said he would be a few hours, so I hope it won't be too long.” But “a few hours” wasn't much of time frame. How many hours qualified as a few to Stephen? Another notion came to Karl: what kind of work could you do at six in the evening on a Friday night? Was whatever he was doing for a living illegal? Selling stolen goods? None of the options seemed to be good. Karl gave Astrid a good-night kiss and went to the guest room to see to Donny.

    He was sitting up in bed, with Jeckle and Mr. Stripes on opposite sides of him. “I like your bed. When I stay with Uncle Wong, I sleep on the mattress on the floor.”

    “I think I have a bigger place to live than your Uncle does. That's why I have a spare room for people who come to visit.”

    “You have the biggest home I've ever seen. I never knew people lived in places like this before.”

    Karl knew that he did in fact live in a luxurious apartment as compared to most of New York, but Donny's experiences with places to live was likely worse than the average home in the city. “Well, now you do. Good night, Donny.”

    Now Karl was trying to think of what he could do. He could just go into the office and use the computer for a while, or he could sit in the living room with a book. He chose the latter because he knew that he was going to be thinking about Stephen no matter where he was, so it was better to just remain close to the door for when he came back. Karl vowed to try and get him to stay for a little while, just so he could ask some questions.

    It was now just after nine, and Karl was trying to think of whether he should be worried or not. Right now, the answer was probably no. Stephen didn't drive, so Karl had to factor in travel time into how long it would be before he came back. After a while, he decided that ten or so would be the best time for Stephen to come back. That decision being made, he settled down with his book.

     When Karl eventually finished his reading and looked at the clock, he saw it was ten-thirty. A sense of panic began growing in him. Where was Stephen? He didn't know what Karl's phone number was, so if he was delayed in some way he wouldn't be able to let them know. Karl wondered if it would be a good idea to let the police know about it, but he thought that you normally had to wait at least a day before reporting someone missing. Even if that wasn't the case, being gone a few hours wasn't a matter of concern for most people. Karl wasn't sure if he should be worried, but there was a certain element of the situation that made him anxious. Eventually, he decided that if Stephen wasn't back before midnight he would alert the authorities.

    His mind made up, Karl began to pace around the room, watching the clock.

 

* * *

 

    It was only a few minutes before the time limit that Karl finally heard a knock on the door. Feeling relief that he didn't have to take any further action, he went to greet Stephen. He now planned to ask him to spend the night here – it would be better to not have to wake up Donny, and it was harder getting around this late. But upon opening the door, Karl found himself in a state of shock.

     Stephen looked terrible. His clothes were disheveled, and there was blood running down his temple. It looked as if part of his hair had been torn out, which may have accounted for the bleeding. His demeanor was entirely apologetic, with the first thing out of his mouth being “I'm so sorry for being late. I didn't want to cause you any trouble, Karl. I'll be out of your hair soon enough.”

     Karl cut him off. “Stephen. What happened?”

     “Just a little bit too much, but I got the money. Donny gets his meals, that's what's important. It's alright.” As he spoke, Stephen turned his head to cough again. When he was done, Karl noticed a red streak on his hand where he had held it against his mouth.

    “I'm taking you to the hospital. You need to see a doctor, now.”

    He looked alarmed. “Karl, no! It's okay. I'm – ”

    “You are coughing up _blood._ This isn't up for debate.” Karl was hoping he did not have to get an ambulance to get Stephen the medical help he clearly needed. The injury to his scalp might not be serious enough for any intervention, but it was clear that his cough was not the result of just a cold any longer – if it ever had been.

    Stephen looked at his feet. He was silent for some time, but he ended up saying “Fine. I'll go. But can I take a shower first? You know, get this cleaned up a bit?” He pointed towards his head.

     Karl thought about it for a moment. It may have been a delaying tactic, but Stephen probably would feel better with his wound cleaned up. Also, they were on the seventeenth floor. There was no other way out besides the door, so it couldn't hurt. “That's fine. You can use my shower. My room's the last one down the hall. While you do that, I'll get Astrid and Donny ready. They don't need to dress or anything. When you're ready, I'll be at the door.” Stephen nodded, and he went off toward the bathroom.

    Karl chose to wake up Donny first. He would need to know a bit more, given that it was his father who was so sick. “Donny?” He spoke softly, and watched his eyes flutter open. “Your daddy's come back. But he's very sick, so I'm going to be taking him to the hospital so a doctor can see him. I need you to get out of bed now, okay? Get your coat on. Your daddy's taking a shower right now, and when he's done we'll go.”

    Donny rubbed his eyes, and pulled back the covers. “What's wrong with him?”

    “He has that bad cough. It's gotten bad enough he needs a doctor now. I'm sure they'll have him better in no time. I'm going to get Astrid, and then I'll wait with you.” Donny followed Karl to Astrid's room. Karl didn't mind, thinking Donny was mostly likely worried about how Stephen was.

    Astrid was fast asleep when Karl opened the door. He said her name a few times before she seemed to realize he was there. “You're awake now? Good. Dr. Strange is back, but he's pretty sick. So I'm going to take him to the hospital, and you need to come with me. Just get your coat, and you can sleep in the car if you like.” Astrid nodded, but still seemed to be in a twilight state of sleep and wakefulness.

    Donny was now sitting on the couch, looking to see if his father was coming. Astrid sat down, but looked as if she would fall back asleep if the chance came about. Karl decided to carry her out if he had to do so, understanding that being awake so late was enough of a challenge. He went over to Donny and said “Don’t worry. Your daddy will be just fine once he sees a doctor.”

    “Yeah, but it costs money to see a doctor.”

     “You don’t have to worry about that, either. I’ll take care of anything you have to pay. The only thing that matters right now is seeing him get better.” If it was necessary, Karl would happily pay a million dollars so that Stephen could regain his health. He doubted that the visit to the emergency room would set him back that much, but it still could add up if Stephen had to spend the night there.

    Going over to where the coats were hung, Karl had an idea. He went to his room, and fished out of his closet something he thought might be needed. He could hear the shower still running, and he asked “Are you almost done?”

     “Just a little bit longer.” There was a sad resignation in Stephen’s voice. Karl suspected that he was embarrassed over needing help.

    “That’s fine. I’ll be waiting.” His errand done, Karl went to wait for Stephen.

 

* * *

 

     As the hot water ran down his skin, Stephen castigated himself for having wound up in this situation.

_Stupid. Stupid. You knew something would happen._

    When he’d gotten the message about work earlier, his first instinct had been to not respond until tomorrow. Not only was the number from one of his least favorite connections, it was always a sign of trouble if he contacted Stephen later in the day. But two things had made him accept the offer: his cough, which he knew had become critical when he started bringing up blood earlier in the day, and the other health issue which meant he would be unable to work for a while.

    The problem of what to do with Donny was one that at first seemed to be a major one. Normally he would have left him with Wong, but he was away visiting his family. Stephen knew from experience that he almost always spent at least three or four hours with this contact, and usually much more. So just bringing Donny to a fast-food place and telling him to wait wasn't an option.

    Involving Karl wasn't really an idea Stephen felt good about. So far, he had never been asked any questions about his job, but showing up on a Friday night and asking to look after your child while you worked had to bring up some inquiries into the matter. Yet what else could he do? He would most likely not be able to work for two weeks or so until he was free of his other symptoms, and that little extra to their savings might make a big difference. Stephen still wanted to have a real home for Donny before the end of the school year, and he needed to work in order to do that. So he'd gone to where Donny was sitting and playing with his car and said “Donny, it looks like I'm going to have to work tonight. So I'm taking you to Astrid's. That way you can have dinner and a place to be if I take too long. Bring your bag, and your nighttime things. You may have to sleep there, so be ready.”

     Donny had been excited about seeing Astrid and Karl, as well as getting another hot dinner. Stephen had been surprised that Karl asked no questions about what he was doing, and had just agreed to watch Donny until he got back.

     The shower felt like a rare luxury. Stephen was able to go to the gym enough so he was never really unclean, but he would have felt better bathing even more often. After working recently, he had taken to showering when he was done. Sometimes it helped him feel better, other times it did not.

     He avoided looking at the water going down the drain, as he had when he had undressed for the shower. At least now he was able to be honest at the hospital. If Karl hadn't let him take a shower, then he would have to wait before he talked about his other symptoms due to not wanting trouble. He'd thrown away the pants he had been wearing and replaced them with another pair before arriving at Karl's, so there was no chance of what happened going anywhere. It was just a risk Stephen had to take.

     Not wanting to take much longer, Stephen turned off the water and stepped out. Now he felt that he could look at himself, and noticed just how thin he had become over the last month or so. It wasn't the usual problem of not being hungry. Now, Stephen found himself getting sick if he ate at any point soon after working. Nausea once again went through him as he remembered the events of earlier tonight, and he steadied himself on the sink for a moment.

_You just got what's coming to you. Get back in the saddle before too long. Once you've cleared up your problem and gotten the cough taken care of you have to go back to work. Donny needs a home, and food, and all the other things his friends have. You're a selfish bastard who's reaping what they sowed from before. You deserve this._

     His own condemning thoughts played through his mind as he dressed. Stephen wonder what Karl would think if he knew what he was really like and what he did. Probably think he got what was coming to him. He used people in the past, and now people used him. It was only fair.

    Stephen only now began to think about what would happen if he had to stay in the hospital any significant length of time. Donny had only brought his pajamas, so unless Karl just bought some new clothes for him he would have to collect some things if he allowed Donny to stay. And if Karl saw where they lived, it was almost certainly going to result in social services getting involved. He knew that in the end it would be better for Donny to find a new home – it was disgraceful that Stephen had been unable to provide a real home for his entire life save the months with Wong. And while there was a chance that they would have worked with Stephen to keep Donny if the sole issue was not having a home, once his work came out in the open the chances of keeping his son were non-existent at best. 

    Stephen, in spite of their living situation, had never told Donny to not reveal their homeless status to anyone. Up until kindergarten, it hadn't been an issue because the only people Donny knew were other homeless people who lived in the various shelters they had had over the years and Wong. One day, after school had ended, Donny had told him about what happened to a classmate of his. “They took Nina out of school.” Nina was a girl who sat near him.

    “Who took her out?”

     “Some people who said she couldn't live with her mommy and daddy anymore. They didn't have a home anymore, so Nina went to live somewhere else. Daddy, are they going to take me away from you?” The worry on Donny's face made Stephen wish things could be better for them.

    “I don't think so, Don. They usually only take kids whose parents can't look after them right. Maybe Nina will go back to her parents when they get a place to live.”

    “What if they don't? She might never see them again.”

     Stephen was at a loss as to explain things to Donny. “Let's not think about that right now. Tell me about your day at school.” Donny had then launched into a summary of how things had gone, with Nina being pushed by the wayside. He still suspected that being taken from his father was something Donny worried about, or by now he would have told Astrid or Diego about what his home was really like. 

     But wasn't it selfish to try and keep Donny? Wouldn't it be better to have his son in an environment where he didn't have to worry everyday about Stephen providing what he needed? If Stephen was a truly good man, then he would have given up on taking care of Donny when his plan of getting back on his feet failed. Now there was no going back. Even if Stephen were to come into enough money to make himself presentable again, he knew that any respectable line of work was permanently ruled out for him. He no longer was able to be a part of regular society. He had fallen too low.

     When he made his way back out to the living room, Karl was standing near the couch. Donny was sitting there, his eyes looking for the first sight of his father. Astrid was slumped over one of the arms, with her coat on. Karl looked at him and said “Are you ready?”

     Stephen nodded. He dropped his gaze down to his feet, feeling that somehow Karl knew what he had been doing and what had happened tonight.

    “Then we can go. Donny, get your jacket.” He got up and went to put on his coat.

    Stephen looked for his own coat, but couldn't see it. He knew that he desperately needed a new one, but saving up for a home was more important for now. His own needs were not a priority anymore.

    It was now Karl's turn to look nervous. “I thought you might need these.” In his arms was the coat he had tried to give Stephen for Christmas.

    There was a pause. A part of Stephen still felt the fear that a gift sent in him, for what it meant if someone was giving him something. But another part of him felt as if his life as he knew it was likely over, so why not get something to make it easier when he lost his biggest source of joy. He reached out his arms, and with the usual shakiness he donned his new coat.

    “This was from Astrid.” Karl had a pair of leather gloves with him, and this time Stephen didn't hesitate before putting them on. The idea of being able to keep his hands safe from the winter cold was something too good to pass up right now.

    “Thank you.” His word were whispered, both due to the warring feelings in Stephen right now, and a desire to not wake Astrid.

    Karl smiled. “Let's go.” He picked up Astrid from the couch, and with Donny and Stephen following he opened the door and they headed out into the night.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: implied rape/non-con.


	9. A River in Egypt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen learns what is ailing him, and Karl is not ready for the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the point of some revelations here.
> 
> The PSI mentioned in this chapter isn't the type Roger Goodell doesn't understand, but rather is the Pneumonia Severity Index, which is used to determine how serious a case of pneumonia is.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: brief talk of eating disorders and self harm. Discussion of rape/non-con.

    The ride to the hospital was a silent one. Stephen kept expecting Karl to say something to him about what had happened tonight, but other than a few glances in his direction Karl kept his entire attention on the road. He felt relieved, because he didn’t know what kind of story he could tell him. There was always the option of just telling the truth, yet Stephen knew that if he did tell Karl the truth then he would hate him. Even with the distance he tried to keep between them, completely losing his friendship would hurt almost as much as losing Donny would.

    Astrid and Donny were both in the back seat. Donny had been somewhat alert when they had gotten in, but now he appeared to be on the verge of returning to sleep. Astrid hadn’t woken at all from when she had been carried in by her father, and now leaned against the window, unaware of what was going on.

    The hospital Karl had chosen came into their sight, and Stephen was grateful it wasn’t his old workplace. Ever since he had lost his home, he had made sure that on the occasions when it was necessary to get emergency care that he avoided that location. His old colleagues might find it amusing to see such a selfish, arrogant man brought down so low, but the shame Stephen would feel upon people he once knew learning how far he had fallen might push him over the edge.

    When they pulled into the parking lot, Karl finally spoke. “Once I’ve stopped, we can all go in. At the very least, I want to drive you back if it doesn’t take too long to get seen.” Stephen wasn’t sure whether or not back meant his home or Karl’s, but he just nodded as another cough went through him.

     Walking up to the ER, Stephen had to admit that it was much nicer with his new coat as opposed to what it had been like before. It was a fairly cold night in January, but it felt almost nice with the coat and gloves keeping him warm. His old coat had been adequate for late fall; however as winter came it wasn’t nearly enough to make being outdoors bearable. The cold also made nighttime dangerous for sleeping. At times, he had just taken Donny and rode the trains at night in order to keep from freezing. On slightly warmer nights, they shared a sleeping bag in order to benefit from the shared body heat.

    Both children were awake and holding Karl's hands. Neither one looked as if they were fully aware of what was going on, and hopefully once they got in the ER they could return to sleep.

    The ER didn't appear to be too crowded, but Stephen knew from experience that this could just mean there were a lot of patients in the back being treated. His coughing was likely to put him at the front of the line, and as Karl sat down on a bench with Astrid and Donny on each side of him Stephen approached the desk.

    “Hi. Can I help you?” The woman who was checking in people had the usual unflappable demeanor of an ER worker. It was all something that had been seen before, so little could shock her.

    “Yes. I've been having this cough since Sunday, but earlier today I started bringing up blood. I'm not sure if I just broke something from my coughing or if something more is going on, but my friend brought me here to be checked out.” Stephen planned on mentioning his other symptoms when he was able to get back and see a nurse. He wanted no one else to hear what was wrong with him.

    “Okay. I'm going to take you back to get triaged, and we can get your vitals then. Just wait a moment, and someone will come get you. Can I have your name?”

    “Stephen.”

    “Well, Stephen, have a seat. We'll be with you shortly.”

    He sat down near Karl, but not next to him. Astrid and Donny both looked to have gone back to sleep, and Stephen hoped they wouldn't be interrupted for some time.

    “Stephen?” A woman wearing scrubs had just come in. “I'm Lia, and I'll be checking you in. Come follow me.”

    He walked into the room, and sat down. Stephen knew the procedure: take vitals, ask about what brought you here, and get a history of the symptoms. He knew that with his initial complaint he would likely be brought back pretty quickly, since in the event he happened to be contagious they wanted to keep him from spreading his germs to all waiting.

     “I need you to roll up your sleeve, okay?” Stephen did so, and the blood pressure cuff was placed on his arm. Lia also brought out the thermometer, which was put in his mouth. “Hmm. Your temperature's 101.2. Not too high, but definitely elevated. Blood pressure looks to be low. Is that normal?” He shook his head. “I don't like your O2 sats, and you've got a higher pulse than I like to see. Not too good.” She removed the cuff and thermometer. “Now, Stephen, can you tell me what brought you here tonight?”

    Stephen took a breath before speaking. “I've had this cough since Sunday. I hope it wasn't anything too bad, since I couldn't afford to see a doctor. But today I started to bring up blood sometimes when I was coughing. I didn't want to come in even after that, because no one was able to look after my son. But a friend took me here and is looking after him now.”

    “I see. Have you been having any other problems? Shortness of breath? Chest pain?”

    “Sometimes I've been short of breath if I'm walking around a lot. There's no chest pain, at least not so far.” He paused, and steeled himself to speak. “And there's something else. I was... attacked.... earlier on tonight.” He hoped she would understand what he meant. “Just to let you know, I've showered since it happened and I've gotten rid of the clothes I was wearing then. There's no evidence to collect, and I'm not reporting anything, so don't expect me to speak to anyone.” It was now time to talk about the issue that would have led to him seeking medical attention even in the absence of his coughing. “Also, I've been having some other problems over the last few days.”

    Lia nodded, and looked down at the computer she was taking the notes on. “And what would the symptoms be?”

    “Painful urination, and discharge from my penis.” The familiar signs were easier to talk about now than they had been some time ago.

    “I see. I'm going to request an STD panel for you, then. In regards to the issue you talked about before: do you want to do an internal exam?”

    Stephen was fairly certain that there was no real damage, because if there had been he would have noticed more pain than usual. But it couldn't hurt to have it checked. “Go ahead.”

    “I'll put in for all that. I'm going to take you in the back now, and someone should be in to see you before too long. Let me get your information, and then we'll go.”

    He gave his normal fake address, but was honest about everything else. The only thing he hesitated before answering was about how much he weighed. “I think around one-hundred thirty or so. Maybe a little more.” Stephen knew that the number was far too low from what it should be, but with the difficulties in eating he had it seemed nearly impossible to get more. Besides, if he had extra food he usually gave it to Donny, since he was growing and needed it more.

    There was no real reaction to the number given. She just kept taking notes, and after everything was put into the system Lia stood up and gestured for Stephen to follow her in the back.

    The room was the usual set-up for an ER: a bed, TV, and a variety of equipment for all the different medical problems that might come up. Stephen went to sit on the bed, and waited for a doctor or nurse to come in and see to him. He could have turned on the TV, but it had been a long time since he'd had access to a TV and wasn't even sure what programs were airing right now.

    “Stephen? I'm Dr. Sinha. I'm going to be seeing you tonight. I can see you've got a couple of tests on order – an internal exam, and an STD panel. I'm also probably going to get a chest x-ray, but first I want to listen to your breathing to see if I can get an idea about what's going on with you.”

    “I'm thinking it's bronchitis or something like that. I know I should have gone and seen someone before now, but I didn't have the money.”

    “There are quite a few people who have the same issue. Right now we're just going to focus on what's wrong.” She pulled out her stethoscope, and said “Let's see if we can see anything unusual. Take a deep breath.” Stephen obeyed her request. “It sounds like there's some congestion there. I'm hearing a bit of crackling, which isn't good. Your respiratory rate's also high. Since you've reported bringing up blood and your sats are not where they should be, I think it's a good idea to get that chest x-ray. First, I think we'll get our other tests taken care of.” She looked him in the eye. “Do you have a preference for a male or female doctor?”

    “It doesn't matter to me.” In a medical context, Stephen had no issues with anyone seeing him. When it came to encounters in other arenas, it still didn't matter much. He only felt fully safe around one person: Wong. Karl was moving into the safe category as well, but since he wasn't aware of everything about Stephen's life he couldn't be completely placed in there. If Stephen were to admit it to himself, he very much wanted Karl to be someone he could trust. He felt so tired of always having to look out for people, people who might hurt you or go back on the deals they made. Maybe (almost certainly) he deserved to be treated badly, but the selfish part of him that was always there wanted everything to just stop for a period of time. “Whoever's available will be fine.”

    “Then I'll go get a nurse to work with me. Sit tight, and we'll be with you before too long.”

    Now Stephen was alone with his thoughts. He was worried about what might happen if he had to spend the night in the hospital. Karl might be willing to look after Donny for a while, but what would happen if he wanted to take them home afterwards? Stephen knew that there was a good chance that no matter what ended up happening Karl would find out the truth, if he didn't know part of it already. And this didn't take into account how he would be taking advantage of his kindness once again. It had been bad enough on Thanksgiving, but that was a holiday and visiting was a normal social convention. Stephen hated the fact he used Karl so much. Even his new coat had come about because he'd felt bad for him having such a tattered old one. In a way, by staying close to Karl he had been making his own economic status clear, and knowing what kind of person he was should have let Stephen know that he would try and help in some way. He'd rejected any offer of food or more visits to the Mordo home, but wouldn't it have been better if he'd just stopped being around Karl at all? It wouldn't have been difficult to avoid him after school, and if he responded to his overtures with rejection then he would no longer try to be close. Stephen was unworthy of being friends with someone as good as Karl, and him using the other man only made it worse.

    “Stephen? This is Imani. She's going to help me with the exam. Just so that we're clear before we start, you don't want us to get a kit for you?”

    “No. There's nothing to collect, and like I said before I'm not going to report anything.”

    “Very well. Let's get started.”

    Stephen tried to pretend he was someplace else while Dr. Sinha and Imani looked him over. Most doctors weren't going to provide some kind of moral judgement on someone during a procedure like this, but on some level he wished they would. It would make him feel better, oddly enough.

    “That's all done. Just so you know, we've got information for people you can talk to about this. It can be a big help.”

    “That's not needed.” There was a time when such services were needed, but Stephen hadn't been able to access them then. Now when things happened to him, he just looked at them as being part of his lot in life. You reaped what you sowed, or as Karl had once said “The bill comes due.”

    “We're going to get you in for your x-rays in a little bit. First, I'm going to take some blood from you. I need to know what your blood gas levels are like. I've got a pretty good idea of what's going on, but these tests should confirm it.” Dr. Sinha went to go get a blood draw kit, and Stephen and Imani were left in the room.

    “Are you worried? I know it can be pretty scary to be sick like this.” The nurse showed the usual empathy for someone who was dealing with an unknown health issue.

    “Yeah.” It wasn't just what was wrong with him that worried Stephen. There was the matter of who would look after Donny if he needed to be admitted (a prospect that seemed to grow more likely as time went on), whether or not Karl had figured out anything and what he would do if he did, and the overwhelming issue of how to pay for the visit. Stephen knew that with his fake address he wouldn't get any of the bills or collection notices sent to him, but he hated taking up resources with compensating anyone for them. Everything about his life now was his fault, and he needed to pay the price for having made such a mess of things earlier.

    Imani smiled at him. “Well, if you need to talk, I'm here. I'll try to see what I can do for you.”

    Could she remake a person to be good? Stephen sometimes wonder if he had ever been a good man, or if he had just hidden the unsavory elements of himself for long enough that people saw him through rose-colored glasses. Now, even Karl and Wong still seemed to think that he wasn't a selfish bastard who only gave pain to those around him. The negative karma he'd accumulated over the years hadn't even come close to being erased with how people treated him now. Most likely, it never would.

    He stayed silent. There was no way he could share that with someone caring like Imani.

    Dr. Sinha came back in. “Let's get your blood taken. Roll up your sleeve again.” She tied the band around his upper arm, and worked to express the vein. “Stephen, I have a question for you. Do you ever find yourself restricting your food intake for any reason, or making yourself sick afterwards?”

    Well, it wasn't much of a surprise that the overly-thin state of his body brought up concerns. He knew that he didn't have an eating disorder, at least not in the way it was commonly thought of. Lack of appetite in and of itself didn't mean you were sick in that way, but it was easy to understand how someone could draw that conclusion. “No. I just don't always get enough, because I need to feed my son first. And there are times when I just don't feel very hungry, and it can be hard to make myself eat.”

    “Well, while you're here we can make sure you have enough to eat.” This sounded ominous, and now Stephen was more convinced he would be spending at least one night in the hospital, perhaps even more if his tests weren't good.

    Another nurse came into the room. “Stephen? I’m here to take you down to x-rays. So come with me, and we’ll get this finished up.”

    He followed her, and stood still while the pictures of his chest were taken. Stephen now suspected he had some manner of chest infection, and that it had gotten bad enough to warrant an overnight hospital stay so they could make sure he was responding to treatment. This brought up the issue of Donny’s care. What if Karl didn’t want to care for him? Then he might wind up being taken away, and then Stephen couldn’t see how he would ever be able to get him back.

    His mind was still a morass of concern as he returned to his room. The nurse who’d taken him for the x-rays said “We should have some results for you soon. Make yourself comfortable while you wait.” But with all of the things running through Stephen’s head, he couldn’t relax for even a second. If it wasn’t for the fact he needed treatment in order to work, he would have just left AMA by this time.

    It was around fifteen minutes later when Dr. Sinha came back. “Stephen? I’ve reviewed your x-rays. It looks like you have a pretty serious case of pneumonia in both your lungs. With your PSI score being what it is, I'm afraid we're going to have to admit you for a while. As soon as I get word of a room being ready, we'll get you up there.”

    He'd expected something like this, but he had to talk about what this would mean for him. “My son. I can't leave him. There's no one but me to look after him.” Maybe if Stephen made clear how important it was for him to be available to take care of Donny, then they would be less likely to keep him.

    “You mentioned earlier a friend had brought you here. Do you think they could look after your son? I understand that you want to be with him, but you are a very sick man right now. I'm afraid that you need to be in a hospital to get treatment. Your blood gas levels aren't bad, so I'm willing to bet that we can have you out of here in a week or so.”

    It would be too much, asking Karl to look after Donny that long. “My friend... I don't know if he can take care of Donny for that much time.”

    “Why don't I go and speak to him about it. Do you know if he's still here?” Stephen nodded. “Then let me tell him about your condition, and ask him if he can look after your son. If he's a friend of yours, he should be willing to do so.”

    “Then you can talk to him.”

    “I will. What’s his name?”

    “Karl.”

    “Well, then, I’ll be right back.”

    Before she could leave, Stephen put up his hand. “Wait.” She stopped. “Just tell him about the pneumonia, nothing else. He can’t find out.”

    “I promise that will be all I tell him.”

    As Dr. Sinha went to speak to Karl, Stephen offered up a prayer, wish, or whatever you chose to call it.

_Please… let him agree to this. If I only get one more good thing in my life, let it be Karl helping with Donny. It’s all I can ask for…_

 

* * *

 

    Karl did not like having to wait in a hospital. He supposed that no one really liked that, except if you were waiting for a baby to be born. Otherwise, the only reason one would be waiting was that something was wrong.

    Astrid and Donny were sleeping on both sides of him. A nurse had come by soon after they got in and provided pillows and blankets for both children, for which Karl had thanked her profusely. It was now two in the morning, far beyond any time they could be expected to be awake. It wasn’t easy for Karl to keep his eyes open, either. The only real distraction he had from his worries about Stephen was the TV currently airing some kind of infomercial, which was about as good as having nothing on at all.

    “Excuse me? Are you Karl?” A woman wearing a white coat was standing him front of him. He hoped that she was going to be able to update him about Stephen.

    “Yes, that’s my name.”

    “I’m Dr. Sinha. I’ve been seeing to Stephen Strange tonight.”

    “How is he? Will he be okay?”

    “I’ll give you a quick run-down. Stephen’s got a pretty serious case of pneumonia, and we’re going to be admitting him as soon as we can get a room. He’s worried about his son – I presuming he’s right here?”

    “Yes. I was looking after him tonight.”

    “Stephen’s afraid of what will happen if he stays here because he won’t be able to take care of him. He wanted me to ask you if you could look after him until he can leave the hospital.”

    “Of course I can. Tell him I’ll be more than glad to look after Donny. Also, he won’t have to worry about the bill. I can take care of all his expenses.”

    Dr. Sinha frowned a bit. “You are aware an in-patient hospitalization for any length of time can run to hundreds of thousands of dollars? Stephen has said he has no insurance, so you wouldn’t get any discount.”

     “I can pay that with no trouble at all. All Stephen needs to think of is getting better.” Karl paused as another thought came to him. “What about his head?”

    “His head?”

    “He had a head wound earlier tonight. It looked like he’d had his hair pulled out. Do you know anything about that?”

    There was a brief look of something on her face that Karl couldn't quite define, but it could tell it was not good. “I'm sorry, I can only release what information a patient has authorized me to disclose.”

    Karl felt the sense of uneasiness he had felt since arriving growing. He now wondered if the injury was a sign of something more serious. The problem with that idea was that he didn't know of anything seriously wrong with someone that would evidence itself via an injury like that. Had Stephen been drinking, and ended up hurting himself that way? Karl dismissed the idea: he hadn't smelled any alcohol on his friend when he'd arrived, and there hadn't been any unsteadiness in his movements. It could just be that the cause was something embarrassing, and Stephen didn't feel comfortable sharing it.

    He finally replied “I see. Just let him know that I'm thinking of him, and I hope we can come visit tomorrow.” Tomorrow was technically today, but such semantics didn't really count.

    “I'm confident you will be allowed to visit. Call after you've gotten up, and find out what room we've got him in. The only way there might be an issue is if his pneumonia's one of the types that can be spread from person-to-person, but we still might be able to find a way for his son to see him. Thank you, Karl, I hope Stephen will feel better after hearing this.” She turned around, and Karl began to prepare to leave.

    “Donny, Astrid? You need to get up now. We're going to my home, okay?”

    Donny rubbed his eyes. “Is Daddy alright? Is he coming with us?”

    “No, I'm afraid he's not. He's got something called pneumonia, and the doctors here want to keep him for a while until he gets better. You're going to stay with me and Astrid while he's here, okay?”

    Donny looked a bit sad and confused. “I'll miss him. How long will he be here?”

    “I don't know. When we get up tomorrow, then I can call the hospital and find out where he's staying and when we can see him. I promise you we can go see him everyday if you want.” Karl knew that being separated from a parent was a frightening thing for a child. Even though his mother could never have been seen as loving, he had still missed her very much when he was sent away to school.

    This eased the worry on Donny's face. Astrid had sat up listening to the conversation, and added “Can I get a card for Dr. Strange tomorrow?”

    “Of course you can. We'll see about it as soon as we can. Now, let's go back. It's way too late for us to be up.”

 

* * *

 

    Stephen was in a half-awake state when he heard the sound of the door being opened. “I have good news for you. Karl said he would have no problems looking after your son, and he also said that you shouldn't have to worry about the costs of this visit – he'll be taking care of everything.”

    It should have been a relief, having his two biggest concerns taken care of, but it only made Stephen feel worse. It was always like this whenever someone did something nice for him. There was always the question of what price that kindness would require. And even if there was no repayment demanded, he still felt as if there was something wrong with someone who helped him. Couldn't they see what kind of man he was?

    “That's good,” he replied, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible.

    “And I also got word that we now have a room for you. I'll be getting a chair for you, and then you can get some sleep after we've gotten your first round of medicine ready.”

    For the first time in years, Stephen allowed himself to relax. He had a roof over his head, would be getting three meals a day, and Donny was going to have all of that and more. He fell into a twilight state of sleep as he made his way to his hospital room, and took the pills he was given without even thinking twice.

    They had him change into a hospital gown, and Stephen found himself actually in a bed for only the purpose of sleeping for the first time in a long while. He no longer tried to stay awake, and before he fell into slumber he wondered what Karl was thinking right now.

 

* * *

 

    At the same time Stephen was settling in, Karl was driving back home trying to make sense of what had happened tonight.

    Stephen had clearly hurt himself. There was no way that a wound of that nature could have just happened, which meant it either had resulted from some kind of accident or it had been inflicted deliberately. But which was it?

    If it had been accidental, then Karl's first impression that his hair had been yanked out couldn't be right, because try as he might there was no feasible way for that to happen without losing a piece of one's scalp as well. And that would have meant a much more serious injury, one that would have required stitches or more. Furthermore, Stephen had looked better after he had showered, which wouldn't have been the case if he had been that badly hurt. So an accident wasn't on the table.

    That left Karl with the wound having been caused on purpose. Could Stephen have done it to himself? From what he knew of the man, it was clear that he did not think highly of himself, which made it more plausible that he would self-harm. Yet there were problems with this idea as well. During the entire time they had known each other, Karl had never seen Stephen hurt in any way. The only issue he'd seen up until tonight was the stomach bug he'd taken the antibiotic for back in September. In no way would Karl call himself knowledgeable about self-injury, but from the little he did know sufferers mostly hurt themselves in ways that were not visible to the eye. It was possible that Stephen did not fall into that category, but in that case Karl felt fairly certain he would have seen some kind of marks on the man. Stephen always did wear long sleeves and pants, so it could just be that this time he'd hurt himself in a visable location. That could explain it.

    One other thing kept running through Karl's head: Stephen's words upon coming back. He'd said “I got the money.” The nature of the remark caused him to think that Stephen had been attacked in some way. The question then remained: why? Stephen wasn't the first choice for someone who was looking to rob someone. He didn't carry any valuable items, clearly did not have much money, and he had said that he'd gotten money which likely would have been the first thing a thief would have taken.

    With his thoughts meandering along, Karl recalled a conversation he'd overheard between two hospital workers. They had been talking about calling someone, but one of them had shaken her head. “No. No point, nothing to collect, showered. They don't want to file any kind of report about this, so contacting someone would be the worst thing to do right now. Just get some leaflets about counseling and leave it at that. It's hard enough to just mention it to us.” Karl really hadn't intended to overhear them, but with nothing else to distract him it was hard not to pay attention.

    A dark thought came to his mind: had they been talking about Stephen? He had taken a shower before they left, and it wasn't too hard to guess what kind of problem the workers had been discussing. It would make a horrible kind of sense, and might even be the reason he'd not wanted to get help right away.

    Karl shook his head as he pulled in to park. There were bound to be dozens of people visiting the ER that night, and what were the odds of him hearing someone talk about the person he was waiting for. The most likely reasons for Stephen not wanting to go to see a doctor were not having enough money and no one being available to look after Donny. He had probably been right when he'd first thought that Stephen had been mugged. They could have taken his phone or something else that was thought to be expensive, and given the tremor in his hands he would have been seen as an easy target.

     The solution having finally come to him, Karl went to wake Donny and Astrid so they could come inside. Tomorrow he would find out what room Stephen was in, and make plans for when to visit. He would also talk to Donny about getting some more things from his home, because he only had the one outfit he had been wearing when he showed up tonight. A few touches of home would make staying with them easier to handle.

    His agenda being set, Karl took Astrid and Donny's hands and headed inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after leads to revelations from both Donny and Stephen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is. The moment of truth. I think that by this point everyone knows what's coming, but now it's all out in the open.
> 
> If you don't know, you'll be learning along with Karl.

_See it’s easy to ignore trouble_

_When you’re living in a bubble_

    Paramore, “Ain’t It Fun”

    Karl didn’t end up waking up until past nine in the morning. Given that he’d been awake for so long last night, he’d expected as much. It being Saturday, there wasn’t any real urgency in any of his actions. The two main things he needed to do today, visit Stephen and get Donny’s things, could wait until after lunch or even later.

    Heading over to the kitchen, Karl could hear the sound of the TV. Donny and Astrid must have been awake, but it didn’t look like they’d caused any trouble. He didn’t feel too hungry, and so opted for some toast.

    As breakfast was cooking, Karl decided to call the hospital to see what room Stephen was in. He also wanted to ask if there was a good time to come and visit him.

    “Hi. I’m calling to find out where a friend of mine is staying?”

    “Sure. What’s their name?”

    “Stephen Strange.”

    “Hold on. Let me check.” There was a pause as presumably the records were being checked. “He’s in room 312. Do you want me to put you through to him?”

    “No, that’s fine. What would be a good time to visit?”

    “Let’s see… he didn’t get admitted until nearly three in the morning, so I’d recommend waiting until this evening. Give him a chance to rest.”

    “We’ll be there this evening, then. Thank you.” He hung up, and took his toast out of the toaster.

    While eating, Karl decided he would wait until after lunch to go get whatever Donny might need from home. They had enough to keep him entertained without getting anything else, and one day wearing the same clothes wouldn’t hurt him. He had to admit to himself that he was also still tired from last night’s run to the hospital and all of the worrying he had been doing about Stephen. Spending a few hours doing nothing much would give Karl a chance to recoup his energy.

    “Morning, Daddy. Donny and I got breakfast already. We had Rice Krispies.” Astrid updated her father on the morning as he entered the living room.

    “That’s good to hear. How did you sleep last night, Donny?”

    “Okay. I missed Daddy, though. We’re going to see him today, right Mr. Mordo?” Even though Karl had told Donny before they would go and see Stephen, he still needed the reassurance.

    “I promise we will. We’re going to go a bit later today, so your daddy can get some sleep. He’s probably tired from last night.”

    “Good. I can't wait to see him. Do you think he got breakfast?”

    “I'm sure he did. Hospitals always give people meals if they have to stay there.”

    “I hope so. Daddy doesn't eat breakfast much. I wanted him to come and eat with me at school, but he said it was only for kids. Sometimes I get scared that he's hungry.”

    Donny's words betrayed how much of a challenge life was for him and Stephen. Karl wasn't surprised that getting enough food was a struggle for them, and wonder why he hadn't tried harder to help his friend in some way. Stephen would have rejected any direct offers of help, but there had to be programs that were able to help out with getting by. Soup kitchens, food banks, all of those things could help make sure one had enough to eat. Stephen almost certainly knew of their existence, so why did he not go to them? A misplaced sense of pride? The idea that he wasn't worthy of any kind of help?

    Given how Karl knew Stephen thought of himself, it seemed like he knew what the answer was.

    “As long as you’re here, you won’t have to worry about your daddy getting enough to eat.” Donny smiled. “After lunch, I want to go get some of your things, because I’m pretty sure you don’t have any extra clothes with you.”

    “I’ve only got my pajamas.”

    “Then we definitely need to get some of your clothes. You can bring some of your toys too, anything that makes you feel more like you’re at home.”

    “Okay.” Donny didn’t seem to be too happy about this, but Karl thought he was likely to still be thinking about Stephen.

    “So after we eat we’ll get in the car and go to your home, okay?” Karl doubted Donny was used to riding in a car, and wanted him to know that that was how he and Astrid got around in the winter.

    “I’ve never been there in a car. Daddy and I take the train.”

    “Well, all I need is your address. I can get the directions from that.”

    Donny didn’t speak for a while. “I don’t know what my address is.”

    This was unexpected. Astrid had learned her address by the time she started preschool, and Karl was pretty sure that most children learned it before first grade. Maybe Stephen and Donny had moved recently, and Donny didn’t know the new one yet. “Tell you what. Why don’t you tell me what train stop you get off at, and I’ll get directions to there. Then we’ll go slow until we get to your home, okay?”

    “Sure.” Donny told him what the station was, and Karl went to get the directions. As he left, he heard Astrid asking “How come you don’t know where you live?”

    He didn’t hear whatever Donny said next.

 

* * *

 

    Over a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches, Donny told Astrid all about the book he’d gotten for Christmas. “It’s all about a girl named Lucinda, and what happens when her parents go away for a year. She lives in New York a long time ago, and gets to meet all kinds of different people. It’s a little hard sometimes, and there’s sad bits, but it’s real good. When I finish it I’ll let you read it.”

    “I can’t wait. Did you finish my football book?”

    “Yup. I didn’t know that it took so long for Brady to be a big star – I thought he was always great. I can get it for you when we get my stuff.”

    Karl had reviewed the directions to the station, and it didn't surprise him in the slightest that Stephen and Donny lived well outside of the area of their school. It wouldn't be the first time that someone had lied about where they lived in order to get a better education for their child. For Karl, what it really showed was that Stephen was willing to do whatever it took to get Donny the best start in life he could. He reminded himself to mention this to him at some point.

    “These sandwiches are real good, Mr. Mordo. I've never had grilled cheese before. I like cheese, but Daddy says we can't have too much because it'll go bad. He doesn't want to waste food.” Donny had eaten two of the grilled cheeses already, and the look on his face when he first took a bite was one that made Karl wish he'd had his phone ready to take a picture. It did make him wonder why cheese was such a rare thing, since he knew that people who needed help in getting enough food could get government cheese. The most likely answer was that Stephen was too proud to seek out that kind of help, or perhaps he just didn't qualify for some reason.

    “Grilled cheese is even better with tomato soup. Next time you come over, maybe we can have that. Daddy, can you make it next time Donny visits us?”

    “I may even be able to do it in a few days if Dr. Strange isn't out of the hospital yet. Once you’re done, put your plate in the dishwasher and we can go to Donny's.”

    “How long will he be staying with us?” Astrid wanted to know: whether it was because she liked having Donny stay with them or concern for Stephen's health was uncertain.

    “At least a few days. Maybe until sometime next week.”

    “Did the people at the hospital tell you that when we were there?”

    “No, Astrid. But I can guess that since Dr. Strange has pneumonia, and it's bad enough for him to have to be in the hospital, they won't just let him out in a day or two.” How accurate this was Karl wasn't sure. He did suspect that it would be at least Monday before they let Stephen leave, and it would be a good idea to ask him if he had been given a time-frame when they visited later tonight.

    Donny and Astrid both went to put their plates away, and Karl grabbed his keys as well as his phone. He had printed out the directions to the station, but it still seemed like a good idea to have some form of backup if they got confused.

    “I can't wait to see your home, Donny. I've been to Julie's, but you're my friend too and it's nice to visit people. Well, we aren't really visiting, but maybe I can someday.”

    Donny didn't answer Astrid, instead focusing on getting his coat on. Karl pulled aside his daughter and said “Astrid, it might not be good to talk about Donny's home or visiting him. Remember, he and his daddy are pretty poor. Donny might feel bad about how his home is next to ours. So wait and see before asking him about coming over, okay?” Astrid looked embarrassed at having said the wrong thing. “I know you didn't mean anything by it, but sometimes we need to be reminded how lucky we are to have so much. You're a good friend to Donny, so don't worry about it, right?”

    “Okay, Daddy.” The ill-feelings had dissipated, and Astrid put on her own coat.

    The novelty of riding in a car was not lost on Donny. “It must be cool to go anywhere when you want to. Daddy and I always have to know what buses and trains take us places so we don't get stuck.”

    “Having a car in the city isn't something a lot of people can handle. It's easier for most people to just get around like you and your father. But you're right, you do have more freedom this way.”

    Driving up to the station Donny had mentioned, Karl took in his surroundings. The neighborhood where Stephen and Donny lived was fairly close to what he expected. Many of the buildings were boarded up, and those that weren't still showed signs of age as well as wear and tear. There had been a fried chicken place Karl hadn't recognized a few blocks back, but the only other business he saw was a liquor store across from the station. The people he saw out and about mostly looked to be tired, the strain of life showing on their faces. Broken glass was visible on the sidewalks. Even without seeing the interior of the buildings around him, he could guess what they were like. Dingy hallways, heat and water not working properly if they worked at all, and rodents plaguing the inhabitants. The sight of people being forced to live like this made Karl wish there was more he could do to help. Realistically, even if he were to give up all of his money and funnel it into the areas of the city that needed it most, it would only fix the problem in New York. Most major cities had places like this within their borders, and some might have had even worse conditions. He did make a promise that when he got back he would look into some manner of outreach program for those who lived on these streets. Every little bit could help to make a difference.

    “Remember, Donny, you need to tell me when we get there.” Karl was carefully driving at a speed that was slow enough so he could easily stop when the time came.

    It was only a short time after passing the station that Donny shouted “Here! There it is!” He pointed to the right as he spoke.

    Karl turned to look where Donny was pointing. There had to be some mistake. The building they were parked next to was one of the ones that was boarded up. He thought it might have been a store at some point, but it was clearly not a residence for anyone at this time. “Donny, this can't be your home.”

    Donny looked surprised that Karl didn't believe him. “It is.”

    “This isn't a place where people live. This is an old building no one uses anymore, not a home.”

    “It's not really a home. It's where Daddy and I live.”

    Karl felt like he had been smacked in the face. It didn't seem possible that Stephen and Donny lived here, but Donny seemed so sure of himself. “Well, can you show me inside?”

    “Yeah. There's a place where you can get in in the back.” Karl turned off the car, and followed Donny to the back with Astrid looking around with a worried expression on her face.

    Inside, it was worse than Karl could have imagined. He saw two sleeping bags in a corner near some shelves with cans on them. One was on top of a cot, and had a pillow. He thought that must be where Donny slept. There was a fair amount of debris scattered throughout the structure, although the part with the sleeping bags appeared to have been cleared out. The only real kind of furnishing besides the bags was a camping stove tucked away under one of the shelves. Cobwebs and dust could be seen everywhere he looked. The idea that Stephen had been living like this for however long they had been here was appalling. How had he missed this? “Donny, how long have you and your father lived here?”

    “Since school started.”

    “Where did you live before that?” He wondered if something had changed to make Stephen be forced to live like this instead of in some manner of actual housing.

    “An old house. It wasn't as good as here, though.”

    “Not as good as here?” This seemed impossible. This was the last place you would want to live in. How could a house be worse than a condemned building?

    “Yeah. Here the roof doesn't leak, and nobody else is here but Daddy and me. There's no needles around, either. Daddy used to try and get them picked up, but other people got mad if he did.”

    It sounded like Donny wasn't talking about a normal home. “Was the house owned by one of those people?”

    “No, nobody owned it. That's why we were there.” Donny seemed to not really understand why Karl was asking him these questions. He had grabbed the duffel bag Karl had seen Stephen with before, and was taking out some books as well as a Lego box. “My car's around here somewhere. I've got my action figures in my backpack, so I just need to find my clothes.”

    Karl noticed a trash bag by Stephen's sleeping bag. He looked inside and saw clothing, mostly things Donny wore but some things for Stephen. He looked at Donny again and said, “Donny, when did you last live in a real home, like Astrid and I do?”

    “We lived with Uncle Wong for a while when I was a baby. But the guy who owned his home said we couldn't stay anymore, so we had to go.”

    Karl had to go over to the cot and sit down. He couldn't believe that Donny had never lived in a real home for his entire life. Suddenly Stephen's financial situation made more sense: it was not too much of a challenge for a homeless person to find some menial work under the table, but the risk of being exploited ran high. No wonder he'd said that his father didn't get paid for work at times. His respect for Stephen had risen a great deal in spite of the shocking news, because in the entire time he'd known the man they had always both been well-put together, and Donny had never lacked any basic things. “Where do you go to get clean?” It was clear that both Stephen and Donny had to bathe somewhere, since they never looked dirty.

    “The gym. Daddy never works out, he just takes showers. We go to the laundromat sometimes to wash our clothes, but sometimes we have to wash them at the gym. They don't get as clean there, but Daddy says we can't afford to go get them washed too much.”

    “What about water, or when it gets cold?”

    “Daddy gets water at the store, and when it runs out we try to use the sink at the library to fill them up again. That's how I brush my teeth at night. I do a good job, 'cause my dentist says I don't need to get my teeth filled.”

    It was another surprise for Karl. Stephen must have tried so hard to get Donny everything he needed, and with every challenge they faced the fact that dental care for his son was still on the table spoke volumes about how much Stephen loved him. “That's good to hear your teeth are in good shape. But what about when it gets cold like now, Donny?” There was clearly no method of heating to be found in the shelter, but since they hadn't frozen yet there must be some way of keeping warm.

    “Daddy and I share his bag when it's cold. Sometimes, if it's real cold, we go on the trains to stay warm.”

    Astrid, who had been silent during the entire exchange with a look of horror on her face, finally said “Daddy, I don't like this place.”

    “It's not that bad. The rats don't come out much when it's winter, and you can keep more food around.” Donny's comments earlier about not getting to eat cheese much now made far more sense. Since they didn't have any electricity, then keeping perishable food for too long wasn't any option, explaining the canned goods. It also likely meant that cooking food didn't happen too much, because the money that would be spent by using the stove too often could more easily be spent on other things.

    “Rats? There are rats here?” Astrid had never shown signs of being scared of rodents, but the idea of having them live with you wasn't something most people would like.

    “Don't worry. They don't come out during the day much. It's worse if you're outside, because then there are squirrels and stuff that try to take your food. And you always get wet when it rains.” The matter-of-fact tone in Donny's voice stood in sharp contrast to his words.

    “Donny, have you ever lived outside?” Karl pretty much knew from what he'd said that there had been times when Stephen must have been unable to even keep a roof of some kind over their heads. His stomach turned as he thought about how it must have been for him, trying to survive in a dangerous world while also caring for your child. It had been hard enough for Karl to handle the challenges of parenting with Astrid, and he had all the financial resources to cope with any problems. How had Stephen managed to not only raise Donny, but to care for him in such a way that no one suspected their homeless status?

    “A couple times. It's scary outside. Daddy always tries to make sure we have a place inside. I think we've lived here longer then we've lived anywhere. I don't like to move, because you can lose stuff if you forget something. I lost my rabbit once, and Daddy got me Mr. Stripes instead but I still missed him.”

    Karl was now trying to think of what to do next. Eventually, he ended up saying “Donny, why don't you and Astrid help me to get all of your things and your daddy's things into my car. That way, you won't have to worry about what's going to happen to anything you have.”

    “Okay.” Donny grabbed the duffel bag and Astrid picked up the sleeping bag on the floor. Karl took the trash bag with the clothes inside, and they walked out to the car. He opened the trunk, and put the bags inside. Astrid tossed the sleeping bag on top of the bags, and Karl thought about what he should do next.

    “Donny, Astrid. I’d like you to stay in the car for now. I can get all the other things, and it’s easier to do it by myself.” Both of them nodded, and climbed into the backseat. That being done, he went back inside. Karl folded up the cot, took the sleeping bag and pillow, and tried not to think about what he could do to get Stephen and Donny out of this place. As long as Stephen was hospitalized, the problem could be put by the wayside.

    So much of what Stephen did now made far more sense. It was no surprise that he didn’t want to be close to anyone – he clearly thought that if anyone got to know him they would find out how he lived. Likely the fear of what would happen to Donny if people knew they were homeless also played a major role. Karl wasn’t certain that being homeless in and of itself would be a factor in whether or not to remove a child from their parent’s care. Stephen took excellent care of Donny even if one didn’t take their homeless status into account. With that, Karl saw him as being an exceptionally good parent. How many people could live on the streets for nearly six years but still manage to ensure their child had everything they needed, save for a real home?

    It wasn’t too long before everything was packed up and ready to go. With one last look at the place his friends had called home. Karl turned to get in the car.

    The first thing he heard when he sat down was from Donny. “Mr. Mordo? Am I going to be in trouble since I showed you our home?”

    “Of course you’re not going to be in trouble, Donny. Why do you think that? Did someone tell you that?” It didn’t seem like Stephen would have said something like that, but if he was worried enough about the prospect of losing Donny who knows what he might do or say.

    “No, but I knew someone who got taken away from her mom and dad because they didn’t have a home. I don’t want to be taken from Daddy, even if I got to live in a place like yours. You won’t tell anybody, right?” It was likely that more had happened with the girl Donny knew than simply her parents not having a home, but Karl didn’t think he needed to explain that right now.

    “I don’t think I need to tell anyone about that, Donny. If your daddy wasn’t taking good care of you I might have to talk to someone, but I know that he loves you very much. I am going to try to get you a place to stay, though. Your daddy shouldn’t have to worry about where you’re going to live anymore.”

    “Mr. Mordo? Thank you. I don’t want to leave Daddy, ever.”

    “And, Donny, I want you to know that if somebody does come and say you shouldn't live with him anymore I'll do my best to help you out then. I don't think it will happen, but if it did you should know that I'll make sure they know how well your daddy takes care of you.” The extra reassurance made Donny visibly relax, so Karl knew he'd done the right thing in saying it.

    “You're a good friend for Daddy. I'm happy you know him.”

    When they returned to Karl's home, Astrid seemed to want to say something, but held her tongue as they unloaded the car. Upon finishing, he pulled her aside and said “Is something wrong, sweetheart?”

    “Daddy, I didn't know that there were people who didn't have places to live. Can we help them out?”

    “We can do some things. But even if we gave all our money away to people who needed homes, we still wouldn't be able to make sure everybody had one.” It felt a bit harsh, but Karl knew Astrid might feel guilty over having a place to live in when so many could not. Reminding her that she alone could not change everything would ease the feeling to a degree.

    “It makes me sad. Why don't more people do something?”

    “I wish I knew, hon. I wish I knew.”

    Donny had taken his own things to his room and was now apparently playing with his car, judging by the sounds. Astrid gave her father a hug before heading into her own room. Not sure at first what to do with the other things, Karl finally put some of them in Lilia's room and the rest in his own.

    With that being done, he went to the office. He needed to do some research, because he was now planning on making two substantial donations to charity: one for improving neighborhoods in the city, and the other for support of homeless families.

    In doing so, he hoped it would serve as an apology to Stephen: for having been so blind over the last few months as to how bad his living situation really was.

 

* * *

 

    At around six that evening Karl went to get Astrid and Donny and said “Okay, it's time for us to go to the hospital. Astrid, I know you wanted to get a card for Dr. Strange, but we aren't going to have time today. I promise we'll get one tomorrow, okay?”

    “Okay, Daddy.” Astrid wasn't bothered by not having the desired card right now since she knew she would have it soon.

    “I hope Daddy's feeling better now.” As before, Donny's greatest concern was for Stephen's well-being.

    “I think he'll be feeling better, but he may not be feeling good yet. We can ask him about what the doctors have told him when we see him.”

    As they headed off, Karl felt a bit bad for leaving without giving the children dinner. He had an ulterior motive in doing so: he wanted a chance to talk with Stephen privately, or at least without Donny and Astrid there. They could get themselves dinner in the cafeteria while the adults talked.

    Donny had multiple questions as they drove. “Do you know what room Daddy's in?”

    “I called the hospital after I woke up today. They told me which one it was then.”

    “What if they moved him? Then we might not find him.”

    “If they did move him, then we'll ask where he is now.”

    “What if they don't let us see him? What if he's too sick?”

    “If he were too sick to have people see him, the people at the hospital would tell us. I'm sure he'll be fine with seeing us.” Karl hoped that by visiting Stephen and seeing he would get better would help to make Donny less worried about his father. He doubted the two had ever spent any serious length of time away from each other.

    “What if his hands hurt? I won't be there to rub them then.”

    “They can have a nurse do it, or they can give him something for the pain. Everything is going to be alright, Donny. You don't need to worry about your daddy now.”

    When they pulled into the parking lot, Astrid said “We didn't come here last night.” While she had been only half-awake when they'd gotten there, the main entrance was different enough from the ER to be noticeable.

    “Last night we had to go to the emergency room. Now we can just go in the regular way.”

    Walking in through the lobby, Karl could feel the nervousness of both Donny and Astrid. He couldn't blame them. Hospitals were scary places for most children, and with the circumstances surrounding their visit today it probably felt even more frightening.

    They went up in the elevator, and Donny said “I hope Daddy isn't upset we didn't bring anything for him.”

    “He won't mind. I don't think he likes presents very much.”

    “Daddy always gets me something when I'm sick, like some ginger ale or a candy bar. I asked him once why he doesn't get something when he's sick, but he said he doesn't get sick the way I do.”

    In hindsight, Karl would later realize the significance of what Donny was telling him. But at the time he was only thinking of getting in to see Stephen.

    Donny counted down the numbers on the rooms until they reached the one Stephen was in. The door was ajar, and Donny ran in yelling “Daddy!”

    Stephen was sitting up in bed, wearing a hospital gown. He had a cannula in his nose, and there was some bruising on his cheekbone. His hair looked even more like it had been pulled out, and Karl was alarmed at how thin the man truly was. He sincerely hoped that Stephen would be getting some good meals while he was staying here.

    “Hey, Don.” In spite of all that was going on, Stephen looked happy to see his son. “I'm glad to see you again.”

    Donny wrapped Stephen in a hug. “I was so scared. I thought I might never see you again.”

    “Well, you're seeing me now.”

    Astrid took the time to ask a question. “What's that thing in your nose?”

    “It helps me to get enough air in my lungs. Because I've got pneumonia, I can't get as much air as I should, so this helps me to breathe better.”

    “Daddy, when do you get to leave here?”

    “The doctor I talked to today said I'll be here until next Saturday, probably. But Mr. Mordo will take care of you until then, right?” He looked at Karl with such uncertainty in his eyes that Karl felt his heart break.

    “I'll be more than glad to.” He was going to try and do more to meet Stephen's needs, things he should have done earlier but avoided for whatever reason.

    “Are you okay now?” Donny had released his father from his grasp, and now sat on the bed with him.

    “I'm not better yet. I'll be taking some of my usual medicine when I leave here, but by then my lungs should be okay then.”

    Astrid interjected at this time with “Daddy, I'm hungry.”

    “Oh, I forgot about dinner before we came here. Why don't I give you and Donny some money so you can go to the cafeteria and get what you want there. Within reason.” This would be the perfect chance to talk with Stephen. He was alone in his room, so no one would be there but the two of them.

    “So I can't just have ice cream?” There was a teasing expression on Astrid's face.

    “I think you know the answer to that. Here you go, and run along.”

    “Come on, Donny! Let's see what they have!” Both children took off from the room, jabbering all the way.

    Even after they were gone, Karl didn't speak for a while. While he had planned what he was going to say, nothing felt right at the moment. He finally just said “Donny showed me your home.” It felt inadequate, but no words seemed to be enough right now.

    Stephen's face fell, and in a flat tone he said “Well. I guess you know most of it, then.”

 _Most_ of it? What else was there to know? “He told me that you've never had a home as long as he knows, and that you don't get paid enough to have one – ” His words were cut off.

    “He talked about work? What did he say?” There was a wild look in Stephen's eyes, a mixture of fear and anger.

    “He told me you get work from friends, and sometimes you don't get paid. I would guess it's because you're homeless, and people take advantage of that.”

    The look had changed to one of simple shock. “You don't know.” Stephen appeared to have thought Karl knew more than he actually did.

    “I know you're not able to make enough money, and you can't find a place to live, so I guess you work under the table.” Karl was barely able to finish his sentence before Stephen interrupted him. The words would bring even more revelations into who he was.

    “You don't know by now? Goddammit, Karl! I'm a _whore!_ ”

 

 

 

 

 


	11. The Price of a Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen tells his story, Donny sees a familiar face, and Karl makes plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And things start to come together here.
> 
> Warnings: talk of rape/non-con, suicidal thoughts.

         There was a long pause after Stephen spoke. He’d half expected for Karl to get up and leave the room the second after he told him the truth, but all he did was sit down in the chair near the bed. After the silence grew too much for him to bear, Stephen finally said “I guess you’re wondering how things got this way.”

    “It came to mind.” Karl’s voice was completely neutral, with none of the anger or disgust that Stephen had felt certain to hear.

     “It all started after I got hurt. I tried everything to get my hands working properly again. Nothing worked, unless you count draining my savings. I kept thinking that the next thing I tried would bring the nerves back to life. I should have known better, but I’m an arrogant bastard. Before too long I had to start selling my things to pay for treatment. It wasn’t too long before I had to sell my apartment to pay the bills. So there I was, with useless hands and four hundred dollars in my pocket. There was no way I could stay anywhere without draining my money too fast, so I started to live on the streets.” He stopped. He made sure that he did not look at Karl as he kept speaking.

    “It wasn’t too long before I met Starla. She’d been living on the streets for a long time, and she knew how to get by. We started roaming around together, and before too long we were sleeping together. I know it was stupid, but I just needed something. Some way to have someone close to me.”

    “Most of us need that once in a while.”

    “Well, as you can probably guess, she became pregnant. Didn’t want to have a child. From what she told me, her life wasn’t that great when she was a kid, and she also used drugs. It was too far along for her to terminate the pregnancy, so we had to find some other way. In the end I told her I would take care of our child with no need for her to help me. I promised to give her money for a bus ticket to Florida if she stopped using drugs for the rest of the pregnancy. So Donny was born, and the last I saw of his mother was when she was walking into the bus station with her ticket in hand.”

    He went on. “It’s tough to get work living on the streets. Most normal jobs require you to look respectable to get them, and you can guess how hard that is. The work that people will hire homeless people to perform almost always requires you to be able to do manual labor, and that’s not something I can do either. I still tried to do my best to get by with Donny, but before too long my money was all gone. Sometimes, when Donny needed formula or diapers I had to go steal them from someplace. I hated doing it, but I couldn’t let him go without.” Stephen still felt the shame for resorting to theft in order to survive. In some ways, it had been the beginning of his downward spiral.

    “One day we wound up in a library, since it was raining pretty hard outside. That was the beginning of the best time in our lives. I met Wong there, and when I'd reached my limit and had no money left he took us in for a while.”

    “Donny mentioned you lived with him when he was a baby.”

     “Yeah, we did. Things were good then. We spent a couple of months there. I did some work for people in the building, started saving a bit, and even planned on going back into medicine. I should have known it was too good to last.” Stephen felt guilty for both the trouble he'd caused his only friend and for how he'd failed at making things better for Donny. “Since we weren't on the lease, the landlord told us to get out or he'd raise the rent. It's hard enough for Wong to get by on what he pays now, so we left one night. I tried to go to a shelter for a while, but that didn't work out either.”

    “What was wrong with the shelter?” It was odd, Karl not being angry at him. He'd lied the entire time they'd known each other. He knew what he was. What made him stay?

    Stephen sighed. “Most shelters aren't prepared to handle a single man who's got a baby. They had a policy of not keeping kids in with the men, but they said they could make some alternative arrangements for Donny. I suspected that meant they'd put him in foster care. What with the way my life is, I'd never get him back. So we left, living off the money I'd saved up until there was nothing left.”

     “But you did make it. What happened next?”

     “One day, I was begging for money. Starla always said that begging was a bad way to make a living, because most people don't even pay attention to the homeless unless they're causing trouble. I thought maybe if Donny was there it might make people give a little bit, but nothing happened for a long time. It had been two days since I'd been able to get any food for him, and he finished off what I had earlier that day. I was about to give up when something happened.” He stopped. Stephen wished he didn't have to tell the next part, but Karl had to know everything now. “Finally, someone stopped. He was a well-dressed guy, fancy business suit and all that. He looked at us, and I thought I might get something out of him.” Another pause. He forced himself to go on. “He knelt down by us, and said he'd give me fifty dollars if I let him fuck me.”

    He left out some details, such how hearing the cultured voice had sent shudders down his spine, how he'd barely hesitated before accepting the offer, how he'd thought it couldn't be too hard. “So that was that. Afterwards, he asked for my phone number, and said he'd tell people he knew about me.”

     There was more. The feelings of shame Stephen had felt after the transaction was complete, how just as they had finished up the man had looked at his watch (the only memento of his previous life) and had taken it from his wrist commenting “Time's telling you now _no one_ loves you.” But he'd gotten the fifty dollars, and could get more food for Donny and himself.

     And all it had cost Stephen was his soul.

    “He was my first contact.” The word somehow made it easier to talk about, as if saying it instead of client hid what Stephen was doing. “He kept his word, and referred people to me. Some of them brought others in, and soon I had a base. I keep to a flat rate for the most part – twenty-five for oral, fifty for penetration, by or of. I’ll tack on fifteen for anything too out there. That doesn’t mean quite as much anymore. I don’t think there’s a sex act I haven’t done over the last six years or so. Sometimes I can get half the money up front, but usually I get paid after we’re done. So I sometimes don’t get the money we agreed on, or don’t get all of it. That always makes it harder.” There had been times in the beginning when he had tried to get the sum he had been promised. Normally it led to verbal abuse, and remarks about how if he liked he could go and report them. But it could also lead to physical violence, and once it had been worse than that. After that time, Stephen learned to never demand pay if it wasn’t offered to him. “The person I was seeing yesterday – he was the first one I had.”

  “He’s the one who gave you that bruise?” Karl still might not have gotten what had happened last night, or he didn’t want to say it.

    Stephen looked away from the wall and down at his hands. “Karl, I think you know what really happened yesterday. Why do you think I wanted to take a shower before we left?”

     Karl didn’t respond immediately. “Has that happened to you before?”

    “Yes.”

     “How often has it happened?”

    He debated whether or not to tell the truth. Stephen hoped that Karl would still want to be around him after learning the truth about him, and giving him the real number would most likely push him away for good. “Getting beat up a bit? That’s happened more times than I can count. The rest? Ten times.”

    “Ten times.” Karl’s voice was completely flat. That settled it – there was no chance of Karl wanting anything to do with him anymore. Stephen hoped that he would at least be able to keep in contact with Donny after all this was done. “You mentioned to Donny about your usual medicine?” The question looked to be an effort to change the subject.

    “Antibiotics. I’ve got to finish a course of them when I leave here.” He knew that by this time Karl had realized that his story about the stomach bug hadn’t been the truth. Stephen wondered how disgusted he must feel knowing what he knew now.

    “Is this work-related?”

    “Yes. Gonorrhea. Again. That’s the real reason I was going to the clinic on Monday. I might have seen someone earlier about the cough, but it was more important to get this cleared up.”

     “Do you not use protection, or did it just not work?”

    Stephen sighed. “Look at me. I'm not exactly a high-demand commodity. I can't charge too much, or make sure that I always use protection. Some people do want me to use something – pretty much all the women and some of the men. But getting diseases is just one of those job hazards I have to deal with. Thankfully I've never gotten something that can't be cleared up.”

    “How often do you get sick?”

     “On average a couple times a year. I hate it, because that means until I've finished my medicine I can't work. Kills the savings a lot.”

     Karl took in several deep breaths. Stephen waited for the explosion, but the first thing out of his mouth was “Donny. What does he know?”

    “Nothing. He has no idea what I do. The few times he's met connections of mine I just call them my friends. I normally get work over the phone, so Donny doesn't have to hear anything he shouldn't. There have been a couple of times I've had to take him with me, but I would send him to a fast-food place or something like that before anything happened. I hope he never does know what I do.” It was a fear of Stephen's. He didn't want to deal with Donny learning that his father was such a disgusting person, someone who had been too deeply tainted to ever return to the regular world. “Occasionally I have to spend the night with someone. Those times I get Wong to look after him for the night. Gives him a real place to stay for a while.”

    “How much do you work, usually?” There was something about how Karl called what he did work that made Stephen feel ashamed. He thought of what he did as work in part to keep a bit of distance between him and what he was doing, but deep down inside he knew what he was. Streetwalker. Whore. Scum. Plaything. Toy. He thought that what he did must have been so appalling to Karl that he couldn't even say the words.

     Stephen shut his eyes to give him the strength to carry on. “Before school started I did it around four times a week. Could be anywhere from an hour to over twelve hours – that's the record. Now I try to work everyday Donny's in school. If I can get something on the weekend then I try to do it then, but I need to make sure Donny's safe before I accept anything.” The amount of work he'd been doing was causing no end of problems. Besides the getting sick, Stephen also found himself thinking about ending it all more and more often. Since he had to take care of Donny, he knew he could never go through with it, but the idea was there. He also had more and more injuries on his body, which Donny had noticed. None of them were to a level that would require medical care, but Stephen felt sore and in more pain than he usually was with his hands. It being winter, he could conceal any marks fairly well, but every time he looked at himself he felt like filth. All he was now was something to be used as others saw fit, not a good man like Karl was.

    “So. Now you know.” Everything had been laid before Karl. Stephen wondered when he would reject him, report him for not taking proper care of his son, feel angry that someone like him had ever gotten close to him. It was only a matter of time.

    There was a long silence. Karl took a deep breath.

   

* * *

 

    Astrid and Donny had sat down with their meals. Donny had picked out a cheeseburger, and Astrid decided on the fish. They'd both chosen carrots as a side dish, because as Astrid had said “Daddy always makes me eat vegetables with my dinner. I like carrots, so that's okay.”

    “My daddy does the same thing. I don't get carrots much.” Astrid thought that had to be because Donny didn't have a real place to live. It made her sad to think about it, so she tried to just focus on her food.

    They ate in silence for a while. At one point, Donny started looking around the room, focusing on one person in particular. Astrid asked him “What are you looking at?”

    “That lady over there. I think I know her.” Donny pointed towards a table.

    Astrid glanced in the same direction. The lady sitting there was wearing a doctor's coat, and was eating her own dinner. “Who is she?”

    “Don't know. She's one of my daddy's friends. I met her once.”

     “How did you meet her?”

    “Daddy had to do some work for her. There wasn't anybody to look after me, so I came with him. She was nice. She talked to me about all the cool toys and stuff she had. She asked me about the stuff I had and what I liked to play with. She said maybe sometime I could come play with her toys and Daddy could play with us too. I wanted to go play, but Daddy talked to her for a bit outside and then he gave me some money. He said I should go to McDonald's and wait for him. I had to wait a while. When he came to get me, he said I wasn't going to go back and see her again. He wouldn't tell me why. Wish I could have seen those toys.”   

    “Does your daddy have a lot of friends?”

    “Yeah. They all give him work. I don't like a couple of them, though.”

     “Why don't you like them?”

    “They don't like me. They call me kid and say I should go away. The suit guy's the one I really don't like, but Daddy gets a lot of work from him.”

     “Who's the suit guy?” Astrid was intent on learning more from Donny.

     “Don't know his name. He always wears suits. I've only met him a few times. I don't like how he looks at Daddy. He smiles funny, too.” Donny stopped for a bit. “Sometimes, after Daddy goes and sees him he's hurt.”

    Astrid felt a bit funny in her stomach. “He's hurt? Why?”

    “I don't know. When he comes back he's got bruises on him sometimes. I don't know why Daddy sees him if he gets hurt then.”

    Astrid was at a loss for words. “That suit guy shouldn't hurt people.”

    Donny nodded. “I don't know why he wants to give Daddy work if he's going to hurt him. Once when I met him he said Daddy was real good if you had a bad day. I don't know why he said that. It made me feel a bit scared.”

    “I think Daddy's going to help you and your daddy now. I bet he'll get you a good place to live and he might get some good work for your daddy. I don't like it that you had a bad place to live.”

    Donny smiled at Astrid's words. “I bet he will. Your daddy's nice. I'm glad he's Daddy's friend.”

    “I'm glad our daddies are friends, too.” Astrid then asked another question. “Donny, why didn't you tell me you didn't have a home?”

    “I thought you'd tell somebody, and they'd take me away from Daddy. The only person who knew about us 'til you guys was Uncle Wong, and I know he wouldn't tell. But now you know, and you're not taking me away.”

    “I'm going to try to get more toys and stuff for you now that you're staying with us.” Astrid had seen the small number of possessions Donny had when he'd brought his things to their car. She felt a bit bad that she had so much more stuff than he did.

    “I don't want you to give me your things. Don't you like playing with them?”

    “Yeah, but maybe Daddy can get you some toys. And while you stay with us, you can read any of our books, whenever you want!”

    “That'll be fun. Do you still have the rest of the money?”

    “Yup. What do you want to do with it?”

    “I'm buying a cookie for Daddy. He likes cookies, but he doesn't get them much. I bet it will make him happy if he gets one. Daddy always gets me a treat if I'm sick.”

    “Okay. Then we can go back and visit.”

    With the cookie in hand, Donny and Astrid made their way back to Stephen's room.

   

* * *

 

    Karl didn't say a word during the entire ride home. He knew that if he allowed himself to linger on everything he'd learned today then he would have a complete breakdown.

    _I'm a whore._

   He had planned on talking more with Stephen after he finished his story, but those plans had been interrupted by the return of Donny and Astrid. Donny had bought a cookie for Stephen, and he asked “Is it okay if you have this, Daddy?”

    “It should be fine. The doctors say I can eat whatever I want. They want me to eat more, so I can be healthier.” Donny had then launched into telling his father about everything he had done today, and asked Stephen what his day had been like. “I've been sleeping a lot. When you're sick, you need to rest.”

    This satisfied Donny, and they resumed talking. Karl wanted to say something, more than anything, but with the children present he wasn't sure how to bring anything he'd found out up.

    Eventually Donny had started reading to Stephen, and before too long it was eight PM. It may not have been a school night, but Karl still wanted to try and keep everyone on a regular schedule. “It’s getting late, guys. Donny, say good-bye to your dad.”

    “Bye, Daddy. We’ll come and see you tomorrow.” Donny gave his father a kiss.

    “You will, I guess.” Stephen had seemed so uncertain of them coming back that Karl jumped in.

    “We can come back tomorrow, around lunchtime. I’ll have to look at what times we can go when school begins, but I’m sure we can get in at some point. Have a good night, Stephen. Get well soon.”

    “See you Dr. Strange. I hope you get better real soon.” Astrid joined her father in wishing Stephen well, and the three of them walked out of the room and to their car.

    _Ten times._

    How had he missed all this? In just one day, he'd gone from thinking Stephen was just a man struggling to make ends meet to learning he was a homeless prostitute. He had no idea what kinds of things had happened to him, but in hindsight so much made sense. Stephen's distance, his discomfort at learning of Kaecilius's infidelity, how he had said there was no way he would ever have a relationship with someone, and perhaps even how he responded to being given a gift. The whole time Karl had known him, he was being hurt and had never let on how terrible things truly were. What had such things done to Stephen's own opinion of himself?

    _I'm not exactly a high-demand commodity._

    The detached way Stephen spoke of his work frightened Karl. Was the only way he could cope with what was happening to him by removing himself in some manner? He'd been so blasé about how he'd been attacked and how much he had to work that it might have appeared that the incidents hadn't had any impact on Stephen at all.

    But there was one thing that Karl noticed, which was maybe the most frightening thing of all: the fact that following his outburst and throughout the telling of his story, Stephen had not looked at him even once.

    In the back, Donny and Astrid were talking about what they could do now that they were staying with each other. Karl wished he could join in, that he’d never heard all of the things Stephen had shared with him today.

  “Daddy? Can we bring pizza to Dr. Strange tomorrow? I bet he’d like that. He needs to eat more, I think.” Astrid’s voice roused Karl from his thoughts.

    “I think we can do that. It’ll be a nice change from hospital food.” He didn’t think that you were always allowed to bring food from the outside in the hospital, but Stephen had said he was allowed to eat whatever he wanted. Given how emaciated Stephen had looked when Karl had seen him in his bed, the more he ate the better.

    As they got out, Karl was trying to formulate some kind of plan. He had already known there was no way he would let Stephen and Donny return to their old life on the streets, but with what he had just learned it became imperative to help them at all costs. What he wanted to do and what he would be able to do may be very different things. What Karl wanted was to have Stephen and Donny come and live with them for a while. Stephen had talked about how when he lived with Wong that he’d planned on getting his life back together, so it would be possible to do so. The biggest advantage this time would be that since Karl owned his apartment, he didn’t need to worry about the rent being raised. Even if he’d been renting, he could have easily afforded to pay more without worrying about losing his home.

    The question remained: how would Stephen react to his proposal? He doubted that he would accept immediately, since any other offer of help Karl had put before him had been soundly rejected. Maybe the best way of going about it would be putting the idea forward as something that would help Donny out. Stephen so clearly loved his son and wanted what was best for him, so that might do the trick.

    All the way into his home, Stephen's words kept replaying in his head. _I'm a whore. Ten times._ Karl was only able to get out when they got in to Astrid and Donny “It's about bedtime, so both of you go and get ready, okay?” They nodded and went to do so, seeming to know on some level that Karl was not in a good place right now.

    Sitting on his bed, Karl had expected to completely break down the minute he had a moment to himself, but it seemed that everything was still too overwhelming. He wanted to cry, scream, and to offer all the care and support in the world to Stephen. He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear the door opening.

    “Daddy? You forgot to come tuck me in.”

   Karl turned to see Astrid standing in the doorway. “Oh, I’m sorry sweetheart. I guess that I’ve just been thinking about Dr. Strange so much that I forgot about you.” He felt guilt for having forgotten about their nighttime ritual. “I’ll go and do it now.”

   Astrid asked him “Is Dr. Strange going to be alright?”

   “I’m pretty sure he will be, hon. They usually tell you if they’re worried about somebody.”

   “Daddy, I don’t want Donny and him to go back to where they were before. People should have real homes.”

    “Astrid, I promise you no matter what happens, that Dr. Strange and Donny will not have to go back to live there. You’re right – nobody should have to live like that, and I’m going to do everything I can to make sure they’re safe.” Karl knew that even after Stephen and Donny had a real home, he still wanted to try and do more to help the homeless members of the city. It was a problem he hadn’t been faced with until now, and having learned such he could no longer ignore it.

    “Good. It makes me sad that Donny’s never had a home. I hope he likes staying with us.”

    Karl finished putting the covers around Astrid. “I’m pretty sure he does. He likes us, and he knows his daddy is safe while he’s here.”

    “I like having him here too. Goodnight, Daddy.”

    Karl smiled. “Goodnight, Astrid.”

   “Don’t forget, Donny needs somebody to say goodnight to him too.”

    “I’m going to see him right now.” Karl turned off the light and made his way down to the guest room, a room he hoped would be Donny’s very soon.

    Donny was sitting up in bed when Karl came in. “Donny? I just wanted to say goodnight to you. I know it’s hard without your daddy here.”

    Donny looked down for a moment. “Mr. Mordo?”

    “Yes?”

    “Did one of my Daddy’s friends hurt him?”

    It was the last question Karl had expected. He wasn’t completely sure how much Donny really knew about Stephen’s work, but it was clear that the dangerous nature of it hadn’t escaped him. And what could he say? _Yes, one of his friends hurt him. But they weren't his friend, they're an animal, a monster who uses people for their amusement_. But that answer wouldn't work well, and it would likely be too much for Donny to hear. He settled for saying “I didn't ask him, Donny.” He sat down on the bed next to him. “Have his friends hurt him before?”

    A nod. “Yeah. Sometimes Daddy goes to work and comes back bruised up. He's had a black eye a few times. And once, when I was staying with Uncle Wong, he didn't come back for a real long time. When I saw him Daddy said he'd been so long because he had to get stitches. I wanted to see them, but Daddy said they were inside stitches so you couldn't see them.” His voice trembled as he finished talking.

    Karl felt his stomach turn again. He knew what Stephen had meant by inside stitches, even if Donny hadn't. It was clear that regardless of what he knew exactly, Donny still experienced fear from Stephen's work. “I'm sorry to hear that your daddy's been hurt. It must be pretty scary for you, huh?”

    “I get real scared when Daddy works. He's sad a lot after he works, and at night I can hear him cry sometimes. I don't want his friends to hurt him anymore. They give him work, but what if they hurt him so bad he can't work again?” Donny was now openly crying.

    “You shouldn't have to worry about that, Donny.” Karl placed his arm around him. “And your daddy shouldn't have to have those things happen to him. I promise you, no matter what, I'm going to try my best so that the two of you are safe from now on, okay?”

    Donny leaned against Karl. “Daddy's so nice. Why do his friends hurt him sometimes?”

    There was no answer Karl could give that he would be able to understand. “Some things that people do aren't things we can understand very well. I wish I could tell you more.”

   Donny sat for a while, not saying a word. His tears soaked Karl’s shoulder. Karl in turn allowed Donny to let out some of what he had been keeping inside. In a short while, he lifted his head up and said “I’m sorry I got your shirt wet.”

    “That’s fine. It’ll dry. Feeling a little bit better?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Sometimes it can be tough if we’re worrying about things. I’m going to try to make it so you don’t have to worry anymore about your daddy.”

    “Thank you, Mr. Mordo. Daddy’s lucky you’re his friend.”

    “The luck’s all mine. Goodnight.”

   “Night.”

    Karl finally returned to his room. He barely made it to the bed before collapsing into tears. There was something about his talk with Donny that made it possible for all of his emotions to come to the surface. As he cried, Stephen’s words kept echoing in his head. _I’m a whore. Ten times._ He cried for Stephen and all the pain he’d been through, for Donny and his never-voiced fears, and for himself for not having known the truth.

    When he stopped crying, Karl knew it had been some time. He got into his night things, and fell into an uneasy sleep.

    His dreams that night were dark, consisting of a shadowy figure attacking Stephen in front of his very eyes. Stephen didn’t look in his direction, just repeated the phrase “Guess it’s eleven now.”

    Karl woke up in a cold sweat. He didn’t get any more sleep that night.

    

 


	12. Fallout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl hopes he's found a way to fix Stephen's life. A old face shows up to apologize.

    The rest of the weekend went essentially without a hitch. Donny fell into Karl and Astrid’s lives seamlessly, and there were no other issues that came up. Given everything that he had learned over the last two days, Karl counted his blessings that it was so.

    As planned, they went to visit Stephen, bringing along the planned pizza as well as Astrid’s card. Stephen looked genuinely surprised to see them, saying “I hadn’t expected you.”

    “Mr. Mordo promised we’d come! And we got pizza!” Donny was just as glad to see his father today as he had been the day before. “I brought Sorry! so we can play it today. Don’t know who can’t play since the blue pieces are missing.”

    “I’ll make the sacrifice.” Karl was trying to pay attention to Stephen. He wondered if he had really thought that he wouldn’t see Donny again. His gaze only went in Karl’s direction seemingly accidentally, and he didn’t respond to Karl stepping out of playing the game. He wished he could talk to Stephen about certain things, but with children present it wouldn’t be a good idea.

    Stephen was looking at the pizza. “I can’t believe you brought me food.” It was like such a basic kindness directed at him was a rare gift. He reached for a piece, and looked for something to place it on.

    “They gave us napkins when we got it. And I got you a card!” Astrid pulled some of them out of the bag the pizza box had been inside, and handed them over to Stephen.

    For a while, there was no conversation as they all began to eat. Stephen ate slowly, most likely due to the tremor in his hands making holding the slice difficult. Karl wished he would take more, but one piece was all he allotted himself. “It’s been a long time since we had pizza, isn’t it Daddy?”

    “Yeah. The last time was for your last birthday. It was really good, huh?” The memory appeared to be a pleasant one for Stephen. “I wish I could treat you like this more often.”

    Karl felt sadness at the fact that even such a happy memory was tainted with sorrow for Stephen. The reality of his friend’s life had haunted him since he had woken up. His dreams had been bad enough, and he’d just heard about some of the things that had happened to Stephen. How much worse could it be to actually have lived through them?

    The game was played, and even though Karl was not one of the players he still tried to be a part of the visit. He asked Stephen “How have you been doing?”

    He seemed startled. “I’ve been sleeping a lot. Usually I can’t get to sleep at night, but I guess since I’m sick now my body’s just shutting down more. The doctors are trying to make sure I get enough to eat here. I think that’s been the second biggest issue I’ve had since I came here.”

     “What’s the other one?” Donny reacted to his father’s statement only seconds after he finished making it.

    “Just about how I’m doing. They’re sure I’ll be able to get out of here by Saturday, because it looks like I’m doing really good with the medicine I’ve been getting. I’ll get some stuff to take when I leave and I’ll be healthy again.” Stephen once again turned to face the wall, and Karl felt his anger growing. It wasn’t Stephen’s fault that he felt using protection would make him too undesirable to his clients. Getting diseases was inevitable when you were having sex with multiple people, many of whom probably weren’t being monogamous themselves. He wondered if any of them had gotten angry at Stephen for getting sick from him. The type of person who sought out someone like Stephen as opposed to going through a legitimate escort agency or just someone online wasn’t likely to be an understanding type.

    He remembered how Stephen had said he’d been beat up more times than he could count, and Donny saying his father’s friends hurt him, and Karl fought back rising nausea.

    At the end of their visit, Karl made sure to look directly at Stephen and say “It's been a pleasure to see you. I hope you enjoyed having us here.”

    Stephen didn't say for some time. Eventually he said “It was a pleasure,” in a quiet voice. Karl could feel his heart break. Stephen was even more closed-off than he had been on the first day of school, and the cause of this had to be the revelations he had shared. He wanted, more than anything, to convince him that nothing Stephen had shared made him think any less of the man. But not knowing how to do so, Karl could only smile and wish him well.

    Now it was Monday, and with it came the chaos of getting back into the work week. Breakfast had been an interesting time, largely because Donny was surprised at the variety of food he could eat. “At school I've got to eat what they give me,” he said. The novelty of picking one's own cereal delighted him to no end, and Karl couldn't help but feel pleased at bringing it about.

    Hoping that his plans would work out, he told Astrid and Donny as they were getting their bags “I'm going to talk for a little bit to your teacher today. I want her to know that Donny's staying with us while his daddy is sick.” This was accepted without any real fuss, and they were off to school.

    Ms. Minoru was the only one in the classroom when Karl came in, having left both children on the playground. Astrid had asked him before he left “Are we going to see Dr. Strange after school?”

    “We'll see. We might have to go out then, so wait and see how things go. No matter what, if we don't get to visit him Donny can call him tonight. And I'm certain we can go tomorrow.” Astrid gave her father her usual hug before joining the other children.

    “Hello, Mr. Mordo. It's a surprise to see you here. I hope there isn't any problem with Astrid?” Like in all other encounters Karl had had with Astrid's teacher, Tina Minoru was focused on the well-being of her students first and foremost. It did make sense that Karl would be coming in to talk about Astrid, so the question didn't surprise him much.

    “Actually, I'm not here about Astrid. I'd like to talk to you about Donny Strange.”

    “Donny? I know he's friendly with Astrid. Has there been trouble between the two of them?”

    “Nothing like that. It's just that Donny's father is sick and in the hospital, so he's staying with us for now. While he's with me, he won't need to come in early to eat breakfast. Just in case you missed him earlier.”

    “I did notice Donny wasn't there. He's said his father works too hard sometimes, so I guess it's no surprise that he got so ill.” Tina certainly didn't know anything about Stephen's work, but for Karl it was another reminder about how his friend had suffered.

    “Yes, well, I'm hoping to ask Donny and his father to move in with Astrid and me. They're having a hard time making ends meet, and I've become friends with Stephen over time. I just felt it may be important to let you know what was going on.”

    “It may not be essential, but now if Donny talks about staying with you I'll understand better. He's a good kid. I think that things cause him to worry a bit too much, so hopefully his father will take you up on that offer.”

    “So do I. I'll see you when I come to get Donny and Astrid.” Karl left the school and began his walk home. He had to decide what, if anything, he wanted to bring with him on his second stop of the morning. Thinking on how a Christmas gift had turned into such a disaster, he opted to not get anything for Stephen this time around.

    Unlike his tense wait in the ER when Stephen had come in hurt, Karl felt relaxed as he walked into the hospital. He was still unsure of how Stephen would take his proposal, but without anyone accompanying him this time around it would be easier to talk about what Stephen had told him. Now, it was very challenging as opposed to impossible.

     Stephen looked better than he had in the previous two visits. The cannula had been taken out of his nose, and he was sitting on top of his bed as opposed to under the covers. When he saw Karl, he inhaled sharply. “You came to see me.” The tremor in his hands grew, and he appeared to want to be anywhere else but here.

    “I wanted to talk to you alone. It’s not easy to breach certain subjects when you have children listening in.” Karl tried to keep his voice on an even kneel. Stephen was already so tense that it was important to make sure he was able to relax a little.

   “Well. I think I can guess what you want to tell me.” The resignation in his voice told Karl that Stephen wasn’t expecting anything good.

   “I’ve been thinking about how I can help you and Donny. It kills me to know that the whole time I’ve known you, you’ve been homeless. I feel like I’ve been failing you.”

    Stephen shook his head. “It’s really all on me. If I hadn’t been selfish and kept Donny with me, I might have been able to get help. And if I’d been willing to try harder, I could have gotten some other work. You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

    “Finding out my friend has been suffering the entire time I’ve known him is something I’d better feel sorry for. And I think I have a way to make it up to you.”

    “What would that be?” Stephen was now looking in Karl’s direction, but he kept darting his eyes towards the wall.

    “I want you and Donny to come and stay with Astrid and me.” Karl stopped to let his words sink in. “I own the place, so you wouldn’t need to worry about violating the lease. You’ll be close to Donny’s school, and I know I would be happy to have you there.”

    Stephen’s next words were entirely unexpected. “How much?”

    Karl blinked. “How much? What do you mean?”

    “I mean how often am I going to have to do anything. Are we talking daily? Couple of times a week? Whenever you feel the urge?”

    The full horror of what Stephen was implying sank in. “You think I want you to move in because you’ll give me sex? That’s why I want this?”

    Stephen voice dropped a notch. “You know what I am, Karl. Why else would you want someone like me in your life? Anyone else who’s put the offer on the table doesn’t want Donny around, but you like him so that’s not a problem.”

    Once again Karl was confronted with evidence of just how nightmarish Stephen's life in the past few years had been. “I didn't mean for you to think of it that way. You're my friend. I don't want anyone to have to live like you were, and since I can help you, I want to do so.”

     “The problems in my life are all because of me. I should have to face the consequences of what I've done.” He still seemed to think that his life was just the result of whatever terrible things he thought he'd done.

    Karl didn't want to do this, but he had to get Stephen into a safe environment. “Fine. Maybe things are as they should be for you. But what about Donny? He's told me he hears you cry at night sometimes. You love him, and you want to stay with him. I'm giving you the chance to give him a better life and still be able to care for him. Please, Stephen. Let me in, this once.”

    Stephen looked down. His voice was unsteady as he said “I guess there isn't another option.” Karl thought he saw a tear in one of Stephen's eyes. “Where will I be staying?”

    It wasn't the complete acceptance he'd wanted, but Karl just went on to say “Lilia's room.”

    “What about when she comes to see Astrid?”

    “If you are still living with us, then she can stay in a hotel. I want you to feel at home with us. Do you want anything in particular in your room?”

    “Just leave it as is. You don't have to do anything for me. I never like it if I get something from anybody, anyway.”

    “Is it because of what getting a gift means?” Karl wondered if any of the people who saw Stephen had given him any gifts. If they had, it might explain why the coat had been so badly received.

    “I've gotten a few gifts from work. They all came with strings attached.” Stephen didn't say more on what those strings might have been.

    “I promise you, I won't be giving you anything unless you want something. There is nothing you would owe me for anything I give.” The words might not be enough for Stephen to trust him on this, but Karl felt they needed to be said.

    Stephen yawned. “I'm feeling tired right now, Karl. Are you coming back later on?”

    “Not sure yet. I want to go out and buy things for Donny after school. We need groceries as well. Depending on when we get back it might be too late for Donny and Astrid to be out. No matter what, Donny will speak with you tonight. If he can't come, then I'll let him call you. And tomorrow we'll be in after school.” A question came to mind. “Have the doctors given you a time-frame for when you'll be discharged?”

    “Saturday. They want me to stay a bit longer than normal so I can get a bit more weight on me. They say I should get at least thirty more pounds on me.” The extra weight would be well needed, as far as Karl could see. He was genuinely frightened that Stephen ran the risk of more health issues if he stayed so thin.

     “I’m going to leave you to get some rest, then. I do hope we can come see you tonight.” Stephen was now getting under the covers, and Karl took this as his cue to leave. He wished there was a way to let him know that it was enough to just have the knowledge that Stephen was safe and well, but how this could be done remained a mystery to Karl.

    Karl opted out of going shopping for food, because Donny was now with them and he wanted to make sure they had food he liked. He wouldn’t end up just stocking the kitchen with junk, even if that was what Donny wanted, but he’d read about how it was helpful for children to get some degree of control over what they ate. And since Donny had never likely been able to get a wide variety of foods to eat, giving him a choice would make introducing new things into his diet easier.

    Well, he would go home, have lunch, and start getting Lilia’s room ready for when Stephen occupied it. Hopefully by the time Karl was done it would be time to get Astrid and Donny, and they could go out.

    With a final glance at Stephen, who now had his eyes shut, Karl made his way out.

   

* * *

 

    Even if Stephen hadn’t been truly tired, he still would have let Karl believe that so that he could end the visit.

    It wasn’t so much that having Karl around was a bad thing – Stephen could no longer pretend he didn’t enjoy having the other man around. The bigger issue was whether Karl should be around _him._

    He’d wondered for a while after the proposal for moving in had been given if he had misjudged Karl, and the man was not the person he thought he was. He had rapidly shot down Stephen’s idea for why he wanted him there – a live-in plaything he could use as he saw fit. One of his connections had toyed with doing something similar to Stephen, with only Donny putting a wrench in that idea. “Get rid of the kid, and we can work something out.” Of course, if Donny hadn’t been an issue he still wouldn’t have accepted the deal. This connection was always at the very least verbally degrading to him, and often did more than that. Living with him would be a nightmare.

    He felt guilty for having ever thought Karl would do something like that. He probably couldn't even stand the idea of touching someone like Stephen in an intimate way. He had done far too much for a good man like Karl Mordo to ever want him.

    There was a part of Stephen that wished he could be that kind of person for Karl. Before, he'd always enjoyed the physical elements of his many relationships, as well as encounters with people for fun. It had been one of the reasons he'd thought work wouldn't be too bad. But from the start, his desire had ebbed away. Now the very idea of anyone touching him in such a way made him feel sick. He could maybe withstand his revulsion for a while if the other person was one he really cared about, but that would also mean that whomever it was would want to touch him. No one who Stephen cared for should have to put their hands on him. He was tainted, and nothing could fix that.

    “Mr. Strange? Lunch is here.”

    He looked at the nurse who had just come in with a tray of food. It smelled like chicken, but it didn't really matter what he was served. He ate as much as he could, since there had been no major changes in his level of hunger since coming to the hospital. Stephen had been questioned by various medical personnel about his weight from the day he came in, and while he had told them that he didn't engage in disordered eating his meals were still monitored. It made sense – they had to be sure he wasn't lying to them.

     The woman seemed familiar. Stephen was certain she wasn't a connection (he had already seen two of them while here, one doctor and one patient). But he couldn't place her anywhere he knew. “Thank you,” he said as he began to eat. It was a slow process, because he always ran the risk of spilling food on him with his hands. Sometimes holding a utensil for too long would also leave him in pain, so taking his time was the best way to go about it.

    She waited for a second before speaking. “Do you remember me? I'm Laura Flores.”

    Now Stephen could place her in his head. This was Diego's mother, the one who'd forbidden Donny from visiting at the beginning of the school year. He still didn't blame her. Stephen may not have been a drug user, but he was still a bad person. People should want to avoid him, unless they had a use for him. “I remember you now.”

    “Yes, well, I'm here to apologize. When I first met you, I thought you were a drug addict. It's not hard to guess why – you've got a tremor in your hands, and you're really underweight. Seeing how Donny thought our home was the best place ever, I guess I jumped to conclusions about why things were so tough for him. Knowing what I know about people who are addicted, I was afraid of what might happen to my family if you became too involved with us. But I've spoken with some of the other nurses here, and I learned about your accident.” She sighed. “Look, even if you were an addict I still should have let Donny play with Diego. He still talks about what they did in school all the time, and every time I hear it I feel like a real shitty mother.”

    Stephen wasn't sure how to react. When he'd found out that Donny couldn't visit Diego anymore because of him, he'd felt bad for his son, but didn't see why it would matter if Laura had been right or not. He wasn't an addict, but he was a bad person for other reasons. It felt worse now that she was apologizing to him. Stephen didn't like it when people lashed out at him, but that was at least what he deserved to have happen to him. Kindness was something for other, better, people. At last he was able to say “Don't worry about it.”

    Laura seemed surprised. “Really? You're a far better person than I am. I'd be so upset if someone made some kind of assumption about me like that. Well, I can tell Diego when I get home that he can have Donny over whenever he likes. I'll also be talking to him about how adults can make mistakes, and how that can hurt people even if you weren't meaning to.” She sat with him until most of his lunch was gone, and then left to continue her rounds.

    The talk about Donny made Stephen think about why he'd ended up accepting Karl's offer. He knew that if he hadn't done so, it would lead to social services getting involved and his son being taken away. It still boiled down to how selfish he was – he kept his child from having a good life simply because he wanted him there. With Karl, he could still be around Donny. But Stephen still wasn't certain of what to do next. What if Karl wanted him to bring in some money? Even if he got into a place where he could look respectable again, there was no way he could ever go back into medicine again. And as for his work now, he guessed that it wouldn't make Karl too pleased to learn he was still so dirty. So that could be ruled out.

    Of course, given that Karl appeared to be very rich he might not ask for anything. That seemed to be worse than having strings attached to his generosity. Stephen wanted to scream at him “Don't you know what I am? I'll drag you down by being with you, and to make matters worse I'm – ”

     But that was a thought that couldn't be completed yet.

   

* * *

 

    When Karl went to get Astrid and Donny from school, he was a mess of emotions.

    While it was good that Stephen had agreed to his idea, he was still disturbed by the overall reaction. It still sent chills through him that Stephen had ever momentarily entertained the idea that Karl wanted him to be around because it would give him a convenient sex partner. He was now wondering how much more challenging it might be to help Stephen than he'd first thought. At first, all that had seemed necessary was a safe place to stay and friendship. But he was beginning to think he was in over his head.

     Astrid ran over to her father. “Hi, Daddy. What did you do today?”

     “Not too much. Where's Donny?”

     “He's talking to Diego. His mami came to get him, and she wanted to see Donny. I hope she's figured out Dr. Strange is nice, now.”

    Donny came over with a giant grin on his face. “Guess what? I can visit Diego again! His mami wanted to talk to me, and she said she was sorry about what she said about Daddy. I can't wait to see Princeton again – Diego says he's been learning all kinds of tricks.”

    “It's good that you can see your friend again. We need to get going now.”

    “Why? Aren't we just going back to your house?”

    “No, Donny. We're going to run some errands today. I've got the car here, because we need to go out of the city to get to where we need to go.”

    “Mr. Mordo, where are we going?”

    “A place called the Palisades Center. Have you ever been there?”

    “Nope.”

   Astrid reacted to Donny's negative answer. “It's a mall, and it's real big! You can buy everything there, and there's lots of restaurants you can eat at. I bet you'll like it.”

    Donny was fascinated by the car ride. “I've never seen so many trees before.” With the way he and Stephen had been living, Karl had a pretty good idea that they hadn't gotten out of the city much if at all.

    “When you get further upstate you can see some pretty impressive forests. Some day I'll try to take you there. If it snows, then you can go cross-country skiing. I bet you've never done that.”

    “I don't really know what that is.” Donny looked like he wanted to know as he kept glancing out the window.

    Karl wanted to show Donny what it was, but he knew it would be better to allow Stephen to be with them when he did so. Given the already low opinion Stephen had of himself, introducing too many new things into Donny's life would just reinforce the idea he was a bad father who failed his child. “Maybe your daddy would like to come with us sometime. He might like it, too.”

    The mall soon came into view, with the drive over the bridge being another new thing for Donny. “I like that river. It's so different than the one we see.”

    “Believe it or not, it's the same one we see in New York. Come on, let's go. We've got places to be.” Karl guided both of the children towards the entrance.

     “Daddy, where are we going?” Astrid hadn't appeared to care much while they were enroute, but after getting there questions came up.

     “A couple of places. First, we're going to look for some clothes.” Karl had seen the state of Donny's wardrobe after he had come back from seeing Stephen. He looked to need some more pants and shirts, plus a few extras that wouldn't hurt. Stephen also needed to get more, but right now Karl didn't want to force him into accepting anything.

    Donny wasn’t sure about what to do once they got to the children’s department in the store. He shook his head when Karl asked him about some shirts. “They cost too much money. Daddy and I go to places where clothes don’t cost that much.”

    “Consider it my treat to you. You don’t have a lot of clothes, Donny. I’d like to get you some more things to wear.”

    After some time of looking and trying on new things, Donny left the store with three new shirts, two sweaters, two pairs of jeans, one pair of khaki pants, and one package of underwear. “I’ve never had this much stuff, ever.” His eyes were wide as he looked at the shopping bags with his new outfits in them. “Thanks, Mr. Mordo.”

    The next stop was a children’s store, where Karl looked over various bed sheets. “Is there any kind you want, Donny?”

    “Do they have Batman ones?”

    “I think they do. Let’s take a look around.”

    The sheets were purchased, and Astrid asked Karl “Daddy, am I going to get anything?”

    Karl looked at her. “No, Astrid. You’ve got enough things of your own right now. Donny’s never had as much as he needed, so it’s his time now. Some other day, you’ll be the one getting treated.” He didn’t think Astrid was entirely happy about this, but she didn’t say anything else as they entered their final stop, a toy store.

    “You can pick out one toy, Donny. Just don’t pick the most expensive one.”

    Donny looked over a few items, finally lingering over a Lego Batman set and a teddy bear that was dressed like a doctor. Finally he chose the bear. “I’m going to give this to Daddy when I see him again. He’ll like it, I hope.”

    Karl was touched by Donny’s care for his father, and was even more proud when a second later Astrid said “I’ve got some money at home. Is it okay if I get the Legos and give you the money later?”

    “That’s perfectly fine, dear.” He was only going to accept half of the money, because Astrid had demonstrated something wonderful by thinking of her friend then.

    Both toys were taken, and the last stop was a restaurant for dinner. While waiting for their food, Karl asked “Donny, do you know why I’ve gotten you these things?”

    “No.”

    “Well, guess what. Today I went to visit your daddy, and we decided that you guys should come and live with Astrid and me for a while. How does that sound?”

    Donny’s jaw dropped. “Really? Daddy and I are going to live with you? Are you going to get him stuff, too? Daddy doesn’t have much stuff. He always gets me things first. And are we seeing him tonight?”

    “I’m going to wait until he gets out of the hospital before I buy him anything.  And it’ll be too late tonight once we get home to see him, but while we’re in the car you can call him on my phone. He’ll be happy to speak to you.”

    Astrid yelled “Yay! Donny and Dr. Strange are going to stay with us! I can’t wait!”

    As they began to dig in to their meals, Karl couldn’t help but feel things were going to be alright.

    He was wrong, but for the moment all was well.

 


	13. New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen and Donny begin a new life, but Stephen is not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are a bit dark here, but it will get better to some degree.
> 
> I will add that there will not be any character death in this story, so no one has to worry about that.
> 
> Warnings: Suicidal ideation.

    It was time for Stephen to be released from the hospital. He wasn’t quite certain of what to think about it. On one hand, he no longer had to deal with the stresses of being under constant medical surveillance. But on the other hand, it meant that now he was going to be around Karl much more often. Pleasure at being able to be with someone he enjoyed very much battled with the guilt over a person like him staying in the same home as someone as good as Karl was.

    The sight of the medicine he would be taking with him along with the pamphlets he’d been given caused Stephen’s stomach to clench as Karl entered the room. “Ready to go?” He nodded. “Donny’s waiting for you in the lobby with Astrid. Last night he couldn’t stop talking about seeing you. ‘Daddy’s coming home tomorrow.’ ‘I can’t wait to show Daddy his new room.’ Truth be told, I’m glad to have you here as well.”

    Stephen knew he should have felt relieved at Karl’s words, but they only served to make him feel worse. Kindness felt like a form of cruelty after having only been given pain for so long. “Thank you,” was what he said. No matter what, it was important to be respectful to Karl.

    A nurse came in. “I’ve got your discharge papers right here. You should follow up with your PCP in a few days, make certain those lungs are cleared up. Don’t forget to take your antibiotics until they’re all gone. And I hope you can use some of the resources we’ve directed you towards.” Nothing she said was a real surprise to Stephen, what with his medical background. He indicated that he’d heard and understood everything he had been told. “Well then, Stephen, you’re free to go. I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”

    Karl walked beside Stephen as they got in the elevator. “What resources did she mean?”

    “Just people to talk to about what happened. I’m not going. It’s not a big deal anymore.” He heard Karl inhale sharply, and Stephen knew he’d said the wrong thing. It may have been true – being attacked in that way was by now just one of the hazards he risked when he worked – but Karl must have thought he was like other people. Yet even if something were to happen after he left the hospital Stephen knew that the right thing to do would be to accept it as just what he deserved for being the man he was.

    “Daddy! Daddy! You’re here! Wait until you see your room!” Donny had been sitting on a bench with Astrid when Stephen and Karl came out. On seeing his father, he’d run over to hug him. It was the only kind of contact that Stephen didn’t mind anymore.

    “Yup, I’m feeling a whole lot better. Have you been behaving for Mr. Mordo?” Except for Monday, Donny had come to visit him each day. He’d gotten updates on how school had been going, his planned visit to Diego at some point next week, and some of the things he had done with Astrid. He doubted Donny had been too much trouble, but felt asking couldn’t hurt.

    “Yeah. I’ve tried hard to be good.”

    “I know you always do.” Stephen noticed the jeans he was wearing. They looked brand-new. “Those are nice jeans, Don. Where did you get them?”

    “Mr. Mordo got them for me.” This was not a surprise. Stephen had been certain that when Karl saw the limited amount of items he had been able to provide his child that he would go on a shopping spree. As always, he felt like a terrible parent for not providing for his child the way he should have. If he’d been able to get over himself about working more, then Donny might already have a home to live in without taking advantage of someone else's charity. Now he had to rely on Karl for the basics.

    “I’m glad he got them for you. You look great, Donny.” There was no need to let Donny know how his father had failed him yet again. Stephen kept his thoughts to himself, but he knew that it was yet another tally mark of the reasons he deserved to suffer in life.

    When he entered Karl's home he could smell something freshly baked. Astrid took it upon herself to say “We made you a chocolate cake. Daddy did most of the work, but Donny and I did the frosting.”

    The cake was covered in lopsided vanilla frosting, but Stephen knew that it had been done with love. A lump grew in his throat, and the familiar feeling of guilt went through him again.

    Karl had been looking at him the whole time they had been home. He just said “If you don't want any now, that's fine. Do you want me to show you your room?”

 _Your room._ Stephen wanted to scream, to say that it could never be his room, that it would just be a space he occupied for a time. All he could do was nod, and hope that Karl didn't notice how he felt.

    Stephen hadn't seen Lilia's room during his Thanksgiving visit, so it was a new sight. There were blue sheets on the bed, a desk with a chair next to it, a dresser, and a mirror located next to the closet. He didn't see any major adornments, which meant Karl hadn't decorated the room for him. The idea made him feel a little better.

    On top of the bed was a teddy bear wearing a doctor's coat. He walked over and touched it, and heard Donny say “I got that for you as a present. I know you'll like him.” The words seemed to be coming from a distance, and Stephen found himself taking ragged breaths as he tried to gather himself together.

    He could feel the presence of someone next to him, and quickly realized it was Karl. Neither said anything for a while, until Karl broke the silence by saying “It's harder to receive than it is to give sometimes.” There was an undertone of knowing exactly how Stephen felt right now, and he couldn't help but feel grateful for it.

     After a moment, he said “I'd like to take a shower. Where can I do that?”

    “Go through my room, same as you did before. Take as long as you need.”

    As Stephen walked away, he heard Donny saying “Why did Daddy get sad at my present?”

    “It’s just a bit too much for him right now. Give him some time.”

    The shower felt wonderful. There was a certain peace in being able to bathe for as long he wanted without raising any kinds of questions. Stephen hoped that he would feel better after having bathed, but there was no real change in how he felt. He still felt out of place in Karl’s home, as if he was bringing down the entire place by living there.

    Karl was in his room as Stephen emerged from the bathroom. “Donny and Astrid are putting a puzzle together. How are you?”

 _Disgusting. Unworthy._ Those were the real answers he could have given. He settled for saying “I’m not sure.”

    “I know it might take a while before you get used to being here. Is there something you’d like to eat for dinner tonight? I asked Donny what you liked, but he wasn’t sure.”

    Stephen didn’t think he really liked anything anymore. Food just wasn’t a thing he even thought about anymore unless his stomach was cramped with hunger. And then if he did eat, he couldn’t eat much before losing interest in what was in front of him. “Whatever you want is fine. I don’t really have any favorites, not anymore.”

    “Well, I’ll just make up something I know most people like. Get yourself lunch whenever you like. Make yourself at home.”

    Stephen nodded in agreement, because if he were to speak then he ran the risk of bursting into tears. He was able to wait until he’d shut the door in his new room before he broke down.

    Why was this so hard? Most people would be overjoyed to have what Stephen now had – a safe place to stay, the company of someone he liked very much (he knew it wasn’t true, that wasn’t the right way to put it), more than enough food to eat, and his son was now able to get all the things in the world he should have. He was ungrateful, that was his problem. He should have been on his hands and knees thanking Karl every moment of the day.

_Tell me what you are._

    He blinked a few times, not certain as to why the familiar voice echoed in his head now. Pushing those thoughts aside, Stephen looked to make sure he was composed enough before going to get something for lunch.

 

* * *

 

    The day had gone about as well as Stephen hoped it might. He had some soup for lunch, while Karl and the children had grilled cheese in addition to the soup. He’d almost had part of a sandwich, but he wasn’t sure he was up to eating that much.

    Karl kept an eye on him as he finished what he was able to eat. “Do you want something else?”

    “No, it’s fine. I’m just going to go lie down for a while.”

    Donny asked “Why, Daddy? Don’t you want to play with us?”

    Karl answered before Stephen could. “Your daddy’s been pretty sick. He needs to get more sleep for a little while until he’s all better. Remember, he still has to take some medicine.”

    The answer appeared to satisfy, because Donny left him alone for the majority of the afternoon. Stephen did manage to get some sleep, but like most of the time he ended up waking and not being able to fall back asleep.

    He wondered what it would be like to sleep in a bed the entire night.

    Dinner was a chicken and pasta casserole, and Stephen went in the kitchen when he saw Karl go in. “Is there something I can do to help?” With his hands, he wasn't sure if he could handle any major tasks in cooking, but he had to pay Karl back in some manner for all he had done for him.

    “Well, actually, if you want to help I'd like it if you would wash the dishes afterwards. I've always liked cooking, but I hate cleaning up after. It would be a big help.”

    Stephen felt doubtful about this. “My hands... it'll take me a while to do any dishes. And if I drop one – ”

    “None of the things I'm using for dinner are breakable. Even if it takes you three hours, I'll be happy you did it at all.” Karl smiled at him, and Stephen felt the warm feeling that he got so much of the time he was around the other man.

    During the actual meal, Stephen found himself plagued with uncertainty. On one hand, Karl probably wanted him to gain more weight, so it would be better if he took a fairly large portion. But the chances of him being able to finish all that weren't that good, so then he would be wasting food. And there was the chance of Karl thinking he was greedy if he helped himself to more than the others did. Eventually he took slightly more than either Donny or Astrid had been given, and ate with his usual slowness. That had little to do with appetite, but was a consequence of his accident. After one too many times of spilling food on himself or the floor, it became clear that eating was going to take far more time than it ever had before. Stephen wondered sometimes if this was the reason he had problems with eating.

    “Do you like it, Dr. Strange? It's real good.”

    “I do, Astrid.” And he did.

    Karl then said, “Don't be afraid to take more. I always hate having leftovers.”

    “This should be enough for now. I have to save room for dessert. I can't wait to try that cake.” Stephen wasn't really all that eager to eat more, but he knew that the children would be disappointed if he didn't have at least a small piece.

    He just had a small piece of cake, but it was enough to satisfy Donny. “I didn’t know if you liked chocolate or vanilla best, so we just tried to get both of them there. I’m so glad you’re back home with us.”

    Stephen was glad to be back with Donny as well. He was the only thing that kept him going most days, and during his hospital stay they had been parted for longer than they ever had been in the past. “Nothing makes me happier than being with you again, Don.”

    Karl listened with a pleased expression on his face. “I’m glad everything’s going alright so far. Astrid, why don’t you and Donny clear the table?” They both proceeded to do so, and soon Stephen and Karl were alone. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m glad to have you here with Astrid and I. Do you know what you might want to do next?”

    It wasn’t clear whether Karl was talking about just the near future or if he was thinking of Stephen’s long-term plans, but either way the answer was the same. “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

    Karl reached out his hand to touch Stephen’s own. It was funny, because he never liked to have anyone touch his hands, not even Donny. But it was different with Karl. “Don’t be. Take all the time you need.”

    Abruptly Stephen could feel the sensation of a hand moving from his hand farther up his arm. The feeling went lower down his body, and panic began to overtake him before he looked and saw that Karl had removed his hand from him entirely. The sensations evaporated, but he felt disturbed by what had happened. Why had he felt that? “I’ll get to the dishes now.” He wanted to get away from whatever had caused his strange reaction to a basic touch.

    He was successful at washing the dishes, and was glad that Karl didn't join him while he did it. It was awkward enough to find himself dropping the pans in the sink at times or not be able to properly hold the sponge. Stephen still felt like he'd paid back a tiny portion of the debt he owed Karl.

    Until it was time to go to bed, Stephen opted to read. It had been hard to get books while being homeless, because while there were places to get cheap literature there was no guarantee he could find something that interested him. Now that he was living with Karl, Stephen could choose from more books than he had imagined he could. Best of all, they appeared to share some of the same tastes in books, so the selection was even greater. He picked an old favorite and settled down on the couch.

    He only managed to get a third of the way in before starting to yawn. Karl had gone to his office shortly after dinner, but now he had emerged and was entering the room when Stephen got up. “Turning in for the night?”

    “I guess. I'll see you tomorrow.”

    “Goodnight, Stephen.”

    That night was a challenge, but not for the usual reasons. Normally Stephen had problems falling asleep, even if he felt exhausted. But there wasn't any real reason for that; his body just couldn't seem to shut down.

    Tonight he listened carefully to any sound he heard that might be those of footsteps approaching his room. He told himself again and again that Karl wasn't that kind of man, that nothing would happen.

 _This is what you're good for._ He tried to keep his mind away from the memories of that voice saying those words to him, but he kept coming back to them.

    In the end, Stephen moved the chair so that it would prevent his door from opening. His heart pounded loudly as he did so, and even with the safeguard in place he still couldn't relax. At some point, he must have fallen asleep because the next thing he knew it was daylight.

 

* * *

 

    Monday was the most similar to how days had gone before moving in with Karl. Stephen got up, and walked with Donny to school. Of course, now he didn't have to go as early due to no longer needing the school breakfast. Donny was also happy to have had a lunch made for him instead of relying on the school food. “I like having something to eat that I like. Sometimes the stuff I got for lunch wasn't good, but I ate it anyway.”

    Stephen wished he hadn't said that. He already knew that he'd made his child's life harder than it had to be because of what he did and had done, but being reminded of such made it worse. It was a bit of good fortune that Karl had told Donny “Most people have to eat something they don't like very much sometimes. And if we didn't try those things sometimes, then how would we know if we might end up liking them?”

    The response was enough for Donny, and in no time they were at the school. “Bye, Daddy. Bye, Dr. Strange.” Astrid issued what was likely to be a joint farewell as she and Donny made their way inside.

    Now it was time for Stephen and Karl's planned trip. On Sunday, Karl had asked him “When's the last time you saw a dentist?”

    “Before I had my accident.” Stephen had planned on going once he had regained more motor control in his hands, but since that never came about he never made an appointment. Once he'd begun living on the streets, oral care wasn't a priority any longer. Donny went to a dental clinic, but visits cost a bit more than Stephen wanted to spend most of the time. He knew his teeth weren't that great, even though he tried to brush them.

    “Would you mind if I called my dentist and made an appointment for you as soon as possible? If there are any problems, I'd like to get them taken care of.” Karl was his usual giving self, which never failed to make Stephen know how unworthy he was of being in the same room as him.

    Karl’s dentist, a man called Dr. Robinson, was cheerful in spite of the dislike most people had of seeing a dentist. He didn’t react negatively to Stephen’s report of how long it had been since he’d had a check-up, just saying “Believe or not, that’s not the worst answer I’ve ever gotten. Have you been at least trying to keep up with your brushing and flossing?”

    “Brushing, yes. I have problems with flossing because my hands don’t work right. I can’t get a good grip on the floss or work it between my teeth.”

    “Well, we can try to see how we might be able to help with that. Now sit down, Stephen, and I’ll take a look at what’s going on.”

    Stephen had never considered himself to be particularly afraid of dental visits. He wasn’t all that fond of them, but then again who really was? But as Dr. Robinson told him to open his mouth, a wave of panic went through him.

    “Just told still. Keep your mouth open wide.”

    Was it the dentist saying that? Or was it someone else? _Use your tongue. That’s the spot._ Stephen could feel the presence of something blocking off his airway, and a sour taste spread in his mouth. He kept telling himself that he was just getting his teeth looked at, and nothing else was going on. His heart kept racing along, and it took a moment to realize that Dr. Robinson had removed his tools from his mouth.

    “That’s enough for now, I think. We are going to get some x-rays soon, but I see you’re pretty anxious. Do you have a history of dental anxiety?”

    “Not really.” He still wasn’t sure as to why he’d reacted so badly to just an exam.

    “Well, from what I can see, you’ve got to get a deep cleaning at some point soon, or you could be at risk of infection and losing some teeth. I think you’ll need a few root canals, but I’m confident we can save the teeth. Are you familiar with sedation dentistry?” Stephen shook his head. “Okay. Basically you take some medicine before getting work done and you should be completely relaxed for the whole thing. Typically we would do that for a root canal, but I’m going to put you in for it even during a cleaning. Don’t want to run the risk of getting my fingers taken off.” He chuckled.

 _You bite, I choke._ More words from the past echoed back. “That sounds fine.” He now hoped that the visit would be over soon so he could stop feeling like his heart was going to jump out of his chest.

    Thankfully, the x-rays were taken without trouble. Dr. Robinson gave him a quick update on which teeth needed treatment, and another appointment was set up. Stephen was glad to step out into the waiting area, where he saw Karl talking with the desk worker. It wasn't too hard for Stephen to figure out he was talking about how to pay for the treatment he needed. He knew he should have been grateful for Karl doing so much, but it only made him feel like scum.

     When they had gotten into Karl's car, he turned to Stephen and asked him “How would you feel about getting some new clothes?”

    Stephen was silent for some time. He didn't want to reject the offer outright, because he didn't want to see Karl get angry. Eventually he said “That's not necessary.”

    “I've already gotten Donny things he needed. I can imagine you must need some things of your own.”

    “It’s really not important. I shouldn’t have to make you get me anything.”

    “It’s not a question of _should_ , it’s a matter of _want_. When I got your things as well as Donny’s, I saw what you had. A few more shirts and pairs of pants wouldn’t hurt. Also, you need socks and underwear.”

    Stephen responded quietly with “I have two pairs of socks I can use. And I normally don’t wear underwear.”

    Karl started clearing his throat. “Okay. Okay.” His agitation made Stephen feel guilty for not just giving in to getting new things. But inside his head, he knew that he wasn’t worthy of having anything more devoted to him than what he had already been given.

    “I’m sorry. If it would make you happy, I’ll go.”

    “No, if you don’t really want to, that’s fine. Do you want to go anywhere and get lunch?”

    Once again Stephen had to turn him down. “Back to your place.”

    “Then that’s where we’ll go.” Karl looked as if he might cry, and Stephen felt horrible he’d made him so upset. Even when something good happened, he ended up ruining it.

    Lunch was a can of soup. Stephen knew he’d gotten a larger bowl than Karl had, and he was given a few slices of bread to accompany his meal. He did add some butter to the bread before eating a slice, since he was pretty sure that he was being given more food in order to increase his weight. Stephen ate most of the soup and two pieces of bread before feeling he could not have any more.

    Karl ate alongside him, but was silent the entire meal. He paid attention to how much Stephen was eating but did not ask him to eat more than he did.

 _You’re wasting his food. You’re so selfish._ Stephen got up from the table, and said “I’m going to take a shower.” He’d had one in the morning, but now he suddenly wanted to feel clean again.

    “All right. Just let me know if you need something. I’ll be in the study.” Karl took Stephen’s statement in stride, unlike what he’d expected.

    “Can I ask what you’ll be doing?”

    “I’m making plans for a luncheon. It’s for a charity that helps homeless families get back on their feet.”

    It wasn’t too hard to guess why Karl was doing such a thing. He may have always been involved in charitable efforts, but this specific one clearly had been inspired by Stephen and Donny. Stephen almost wished Karl didn’t feel so guilty about how he had lived prior to this. The only person to blame was him, and the people who would be helped by the charity in question were ones who should be living here now, not someone like Stephen who had ruined everything himself.

    He didn't see Karl again until they went to get Astrid and Donny. In truth, Stephen had been trying to avoid him, still not certain of what would be best to do.

    “What did you do today, Daddy?” Donny was curious for an update on his day.

    “Well, Don, I had to go see the dentist.”

    Donny's face scrunched up. “Yuck. I hope you did good.”

    “It's been a while since I saw a dentist, so he's got to do lots of work to get my teeth in good shape again. But it'll be worth it.”

    “My dentist has a dog in her office. She's a pug, and she sits in your lap when you get a check-up.” Astrid piped in with her own experiences.

    “That's sounds nice, Astrid. I'm glad you can do that.” And as they made their way back, Stephen looked at Karl and hoped all would be well soon.

 

* * *

 

    Naturally, things didn't work out as Stephen planned.

    The problem that had happened at the dentist was continuing to happen. The first time, it had been during the preparation for dinner. Stephen was assembling the ingredients for rolls while Karl was cutting up some chicken.

    He'd turned to say something to Karl, but as he saw the knife he felt himself going back. A different knife was cutting crimson lines on his chest, and a tongue reached out to lap the blood away. Stephen was frightened and confused: he'd seen people cutting ever since that had happened, so why was it affecting him now?

    He repeated to himself “You are here, not there,” until the kitchen came back into focus.

    Karl was looking at him with a concerned expression. “Are you okay?”

    “Just felt a bit light-headed. I'm fine now.” He hoped that wasn't a lie, and that it wouldn't happen again.

    But it did. Over the last couple of weeks, Stephen found himself stricken with either panic or the past more and more often. It now felt like life was full of potential landmines, waiting to go off every day. None of the things that set him off had bothered him before, but they all had been part of something during his work. He also found himself waking up from nightmares most nights, when he was able to sleep at all.

    Yet that wasn't the biggest problem. For some time now, Stephen had felt the only thing keeping him going was Donny. He needed to provide for his son, so he needed to keep going.

    Now it was Karl who fed him, Karl who bought him things he needed, and Karl who took him places he'd never been. Donny was full of delight over his trips, and Stephen was always asked to accompany them.

    He couldn't. Part of it was fear at what people might think of Karl if they saw him with Stephen. One day, after his second dental visit, Stephen had spotted a work connection. The connection had looked at Karl and given Stephen a knowing smile. He felt embarrassed because he knew what they were thinking. So Stephen stayed home.

    Again and again, he looked over what he should do. It seemed like now he was in a pit of despair, one he had been kept out of by the need to live through everyday. Looking at his choices, it was clear what he had to do.

    Donny might feel a bit sad for a while, but he had Karl now. Karl was doing a better job being a father than Stephen had ever been, and he was willing to bet that soon Donny would see him as a real parent to him. Astrid had Karl and Donny, so she wouldn't be too put out if he wasn't there anymore.

    As for Karl, Stephen could bet he would be relieved. He had apologized to him for being such a terrible guest, because anything Karl suggested they do together Stephen shot down. Karl knew he had problems with sleep, because he had seen him awake at all hours of the night. Stephen didn't know if he was aware of the nightmares – hopefully not, because it would mean he was creating a disturbance for everyone else. Living in close proximity with such a good man only served to remind Stephen that he was a filthy whore, and no longer part of the normal world. 

    Watching Donny talk to Karl about what he was building with his Legos, Stephen repeated his mantra: _They're better off without you. They're better off without you._

 

 


	14. The Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen hits the bottom. Karl finds someone who might be able to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to look forward to when I can bring in other canon characters here.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: Stephen considers what is described as having happened to be consensual, but Karl has a very different opinion on the matter. At best I would call it very much dub-con. Attempted suicide.
> 
> Also, some more football because I'm a fan. No retconning this time, though.

    Karl had been trying not to think about it too much, but he was growing more concerned about Stephen every day. It had been over two weeks since he came to stay with them, but he was not any more open than he had been prior to moving in.

    He had been trying to give Stephen and Donny a chance to do things they had not been able to do while they had been homeless. Visits to museums, a weekend venture upstate for a winter hike, and a meal at a restaurant that was likely fancier than any Donny had been in his life. For his part, Donny loved all of the new experiences, and if it hadn't been for Stephen Karl would have felt wonderful about their new guests.

    Stephen had gone on a few of the trips, but he was more likely to just say “I don't feel like going out now. Have a good time, Donny.”

    Karl made an effort to get Stephen out more. He talked about how much better it would be if Stephen accompanied Astrid and Donny when they went out with Karl. He offered to take Stephen out for lunch multiple times during the week, normally after one of his appointments. There was the dental issues which were being fixed slowly, because the dentist said he liked to go with fewer visits in anxious patients. Stephen had also gone to see a doctor. Dr. Hamza had said that the biggest issue was Stephen's weight, and had given him a list of things he should eat to put on the pounds he needed. Karl had been making him smoothies every morning to help the process along, but Stephen still wasn't eating as much as he should. This was explained by him as being due to lack of hunger.

    Karl had asked him “Is there any particular reason you've noticed for that?”

    “No. I just don't feel like eating.”

    Karl didn't push him on the issue, hoping that it would resolve itself in time. But that wasn't the only problem he saw.

    At one point, while he had been preparing some chicken for dinner, he'd turned to see Stephen staring into space and his lips moving again and again. “Are you okay?” he'd asked.

    Stephen said he'd felt a bit light-headed, but Karl was pretty sure that hadn't been what really happened. Not knowing how to breach the issue, he'd just gone on as he had.

    He'd even tried to get Stephen excited during the Super Bowl. Karl and Astrid had both planned their menu, decorated the place in red, white, and blue, and had donned all the team apparel they could. Donny was still a bit of a novice to football, but he'd gotten caught up in the planning. The game had been beyond anyone's wildest expectations – a thrilling comeback, overtime in a championship game (only the second time ever!), and the final push into the end zone. Astrid had gone to bed at halftime, distraught over how badly things were going, but she'd been awakened by Karl's screams when the game was finally tied. And how they'd celebrated upon victory, with a loud chorus of boos for the commissioner when he made a very quick appearance. Stephen had said he wasn't a fan of the game, but Karl had hoped he would join them at some point. But he had remained in his room the whole time.

    Karl was now wondering what else he could do. His attempts at getting Stephen more had all been rejected. The first time had stood out in his mind more than the others, due to what had been said. Karl had seen what Stephen had for clothing, and it was pitifully small. Furthermore, there were no socks nor underwear. Stephen had said he had socks (presumably he was wearing them), and he didn't normally wear underwear. It took a moment for it to sink in: _easy access_. He was able to keep himself from breaking down, but a glimpse of the expression on Stephen's face caused him to realize that he hadn't kept his face as neutral as he wished. Karl even thought that he looked guilty. Did Stephen blame himself for Karl's sadness over what had happened to him?

    The question of what Stephen would be doing with his life now still hadn't been answered. Karl had spoken with him about his plans on more than one occasion, asking “What do you want to do with your life now? Have you thought about getting back to work?”

    Stephen had visibly sunk into himself with the question. “I didn't know you wanted me to bring any money in. I guess I could check the messages on my phone.” His voice never went higher than a whisper.

    Realizing that he'd given the wrong impression, Karl said “I didn't mean you need to earn money. I just thought that you might want to see about maybe doing something in the medical field again. Someone with your knowledge would be a godsend to any hospital or college.”

    He shook his head. “That's not possible.” Afterwards he had seemed even more shut down than usual, eating next to nothing at dinner.

    It had gotten to the point that Karl was seriously contemplating calling Pat and asking him for advice. If Stephen was depressed (and Karl feared he was), then professional intervention would be needed.

    He'd just come back in from the luncheon he'd been planning that first Monday. The discussion had been enlightening in many ways. Karl had heard about the challenges faced when one became homeless but also had animals to take care of. Most shelters didn't have a place for pets, so people either were forced to give up their companions or to forgo having a roof over their heads. The connections he'd made years ago in the field of animal welfare were ones he now wanted to use on the behalf of homeless people. “If we can frame it to them as a way of reducing the numbers of animals turned into shelters, then we could get a greater level of cooperation. And then it would give us access to some of the major donors they know. People are always more willing to give if they feel they are working towards something close to their heart, so bridging the gap is of top priority here.”

    There had been agreement with the ideas Karl proposed, and some of the organizers had told him they were thankful to have someone working with them who had the crucial features the group sought out: money and experience. As for himself, he enjoyed getting his hands into a new cause and seeing what he could do to make the situation better.

    He was going to put his coat away in his closet when he heard a faint voice saying “Dammit.” It was coming from the bathroom.

    Karl knew that it had to be Stephen who was talking. It was another area of concern for him: Stephen's bathing. Starting from the day he first came to live with them, he'd been taking showers two or three times a day. The cause was easy to figure out, but Karl didn't know what to say about it. “Stephen, you're taking too many showers?” He never used up all the hot water, and it didn't look like he was scrubbing himself raw, so Karl let it slide. He'd read on how people who had been attacked like Stephen had often resorted to washing themselves compulsively, even to the point of making their skin bleed.

    (He knew that attacked wasn't the right word to use. But if he didn't say it, maybe it wouldn't hurt as much.)

    For some reason unknown to him, Karl decided to knock on the door. “Stephen?” There was no answer. While a part of him felt it was better to leave things be, another voice told him he needed to get in there now. Taking the second option, he opened the door.

    The sight before him would haunt his nights for a long time. Stephen was sitting on the toilet seat, his sleeves rolled up. In one of his hands was a razor blade, and there were several discarded blades at his feet. He looked up at Karl, at first in shock, and then let the razor fall from his shaking hand as he finally burst into sobs.

    He walked over, and kneeled by Stephen. For a while they stayed as they were, with only the sounds of tears between them. After he'd gotten himself together, he asked “Why?”

    “Why now, or why I was doing it?” The pure misery in Stephen's voice made Karl realize he had failed. He'd tried to get Stephen help with his physical needs, but he'd never done anything about his mind. Seeing how utterly broken he now looked, Karl could only hope he wasn't too late.

    “Both, I would guess.” Karl hoped he could get Stephen to finally talk and begin to start helping him.

    Taking a deep breath, he said “I just can’t take it anymore. All I’m doing is making things worse for everyone. I’ve failed at taking care of my child, at being a good person, and at just being grateful for your help. No matter how I look at it, everybody is better off without me.”

    Karl wasn’t sure what to say. “What about Donny? What would he think?”

    “He’d be glad in the end. At some point he’s going to find out what I’ve been doing. Can you imagine how it will feel when he knows I’m a whore?” He trembled all over as he spoke.

    “Children can love their parents no matter what they’ve done. I’d bet Donny would still want you in his life even if he learns you had to sell yourself to survive.”

    “But it’s not just that. For a while now, I’ve felt like the only thing keeping me going was needing to take care of Donny. And now you’re doing that. I keep thinking about just ending it more and more. Then there’s my other problem.”

    By this point Karl had realized that he needed to get some kind of professional help for Stephen. He’d hoped that by giving him a roof over his head and the chance to get back on his feet Stephen would be alright, but this had clearly been misplaced optimism. “What would that problem be?”

    “It feels like everything is a potential threat. Things that never caused any trouble before are now sending me into a tailspin. I can guess a bit of why – some of them were part of my work – but there’s things that don’t have any connections at all. I panicked when you touched my hand, kept hearing stuff I’ve heard before at the dentist, and I’ve been having nightmares. I can’t understand it. None of these things have been an issue until now, and I can’t see any cause for it.”

    Getting uncomfortable from kneeling on the tile, Karl suggested “You think we should go to the living room? It might be easier to talk there.”

    As they sat down on the couch, Karl could see at least part of Stephen’s problems. It looked like he was having traumatic reactions to various things that reminded him of what had happened when he was working, but why this was happening now as opposed to when it had happened remained a mystery.

    Stephen looked defeated. He had his head hanging down and his shoulders slumped. Karl thought about reaching out for some kind of contact, but knew that it would be a mistake. Instead, he waited for him to speak. At last he said “I don't understand. How come you still want me here? Do you not realize what I am? What I have done?”

    “You're a person who did what they had to do to survive. It doesn't matter to me. I wish I'd met you earlier, so I might have been able to help you and Donny. It hurts me to know that you've been suffering for so long.”

    Stephen laughed. “Suffering? I've just been reaping what I've sowed. You'd have hated me if you met me before I got hurt. I was an arrogant asshole who used people and thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. I still am, most likely. You want to know why I ended up on the streets? Because everybody I knew was glad to see me lose everything.”

    Karl wanted to refute Stephen's statements, so he said “I saw a picture of you from some medical thing. You looked like you were alone in the crowd. I know how that can feel.”

    “Trust me, if I looked alone it was a good thing. You really want to know what I'm like? Let me tell you a story...”

 

* * *

 

_It was the middle of the afternoon._

_Stephen was waiting by a coffee shop for his connection. This was a fairly typical pattern for them: he would get the message on his phone and go to the appointed spot until they arrived. He would sometimes pick up people he met on the streets, but only if it had been a while since a connection had contacted him._

_Today it was his first connection. He sometimes thought he could look at him as being responsible for what his life was like now, but Stephen knew deep down that only he was to blame. It wasn't too late in the day – a good thing, because if he got the call at night it always meant he was going to get beat up in some way. The best reason he could think of for this being the case was that he'd had a bad day at work and was taking out frustration on an available source. What the man did for a living Stephen wasn't certain, but it had to be something that made a great deal of money. The connection always wore expensive suits and drove a fancy car. Sometimes Stephen would think about how much he was likely like this man and feel overwhelming guilt. It made the verbal abuse he always endured during their encounters seem like karma._

    “ _Get in the car.” The familiar cultured voice rang in his ears. He got in as quickly as he could, and wondered where they would go. He'd been to his home on several occasions, and remembered once being tied to the bed and left there for nearly five hours. The pain in his hands had been almost unbearable afterwards. Donny had given them a good rubbing, but it hadn't really helped with the pain._

_Thoughts of his son reminded him why he was doing this. Donny needed pants, and they were almost out of food. Stephen had been going without for the last few days, but Donny required food everyday. He just hoped that things wouldn’t be too hard this time._

_They drove until they reached a stylish town home. Stephen knew the place pretty well by now, but he still didn’t know what he would be doing. The contact didn’t seem to be upset, so that was a good sign. If he were angry, then sometimes he’d barely gotten into the car before he was struck._

    “ _Follow me.” Stephen followed, making certain to not step anywhere but in the footsteps of the man before him. It wasn’t a shock that they ended up in his bedroom, but what was on the bed was a genuine surprise._

_It was a women’s blouse and skirt. Stephen had dressed up like that for some of his connections, but with this one he didn’t expect it. As far as he could tell, the man was only interested in men, so why he would want this was a mystery._

    “ _Go on. Get dressed.” The connection was more curt than he usually was. Stephen did his best to comply with the order, but his hands made it hard. There wasn’t much of a surprise as he felt fists raining down on his back. “Go faster, you stupid whore. It’s no wonder you make me sick. Can’t listen.” He grabbed Stephen’s arms and forced him into the clothes. One of his hands stayed under the skirt, feeling its way around. “Just as I like it. Come along.”_

_They weren’t staying in the bedroom? Stephen followed along, suddenly nervous about what was to come. He hoped they weren’t going out somewhere._

_The man entered the living room. “Sit down and wait.”_

_He sat on a chair, not daring to say a word. He preferred when he didn’t have to talk. Stephen had been asked on some occasions to talk about what he had done with other connections, and while sometimes he appeared to be pleased at others he grew angry upon learning what was done. Stephen still didn’t know what was coming. With this connection, what was going to be done was never discussed prior to the acts themselves. The waiting for what was to come could be nearly as bad as what they ended up doing._

_Before too long, the doorbell rang. “Our guests are here. Don’t get up, or you’ll regret it. Do you understand?” A nod. “Good.”_

_There were three of them; two men and a woman. One of the men was the first one to speak, saying “Looks like we've got some entertainment tonight. Where'd you find them?”_

    “ _On a street corner somewhere. I thought that we could have a little fun tonight to celebrate our success, so I brought it for us to play with.”_

_The woman laughed. “You've outdone yourself. Pity those clothes aren't more flattering.”_

    “ _It didn't look any better when I found it. But I can assure you, it's skills are more than meets the eye.”_

_The second man joined in. “So which of us gets to go first? Me, you, L, or B?”_

    “ _Draw straws.” Stephen sat with dread growing in his stomach, awaiting what would happen next. “Looks like you're our winner, P.” It wasn't a surprise that no one was using their name. Stephen knew none of the names of his regular connections, and the one-off ones normally didn't share them._

_P and the others sat down. B and L were on the couch with the connection, and P was in a chair near Stephen. “Alright. Come to Daddy.”_

_L made a face, and B rolled her eyes. “P, you're killing the mood here. Try thinking about the rest of us here. I want to have a good time, so cut it out.”_

_P changed tactics. “Come sit on my lap.” He went over and sat down, hoping this would be over before too long. P put his hand up Stephen's skirt and said “We've got a bit of a surprise here.” He started to stroke his groin._

_B smiled. “That's what I like. How does it feel down there?”_

    “ _Not all that big. Bet it'll fail at making you happy. You like a good man, not this street trash.”_

    “ _It isn't what it's got, but what it does with it. Let me see. Flip up that skirt.” Stephen did so, feeling his abject humiliation at being put on display. “Doesn't seem too bad. When it comes time for the main event, then we'll see if it has what it takes.”_

_Stephen was passed around among the three guests, being groped and touched and poked. His connection didn't get involved, merely opting to stroke himself through his pants. He wondered if this was all that would happen. The commentary continued throughout, with remarks such as “It's not talking – show me your tongue. I want to make sure you can use it” and “So you and me double-teaming it, L? We always work well together.” He soon had the skirt taken off and L was working on getting the shirt off._

_P interjected “We are going to get down to business soon, right? This isn't bad, but if that's all you're letting us do with it then I'm leaving.”_

_The connection smiled. “Of course there's going to be more. All I ask is that you give me the honors. At least in the beginning.” He stood up and walked over to Stephen. “Now, time for the main course.” He undid his pants._

 

* * *

 

    By this point Karl didn't think he could speak. What he'd heard so far was horrifying, and even though Stephen had stopped he sensed there was more to tell.

    “For the rest of the night, it was me and them. Pretty much every combination, and pretty much anything you could think of. Only limit was they couldn't make me bleed. My connection didn't want to have any attention brought to them. And when the guests finally left, it was just the two of us. He told me 'I'll give you a present for the road.' He got me off. He's always been one for doing that. When it came to pay, he told me 'You get a bit extra. I think you'll agree that this is what you're worth.' I got fifty-one dollars. It was enough for food and Donny's pants.” Stephen had had his head down for most of the telling, but now he looked up with tears streaming down his face. “And guess what. Next time he called, I came running. Even after all that. And that wasn't even the worst of it, by far.”

    The last sentence was what hit Karl the hardest. For hours, Stephen had been made to perform sexually for a group of people, who had called him an it throughout and the only limit on their behavior was that they couldn't make him bleed, and that _wasn't even close_ to being the worst thing that had happened to him? He'd thought he knew how bad things had been, but this was far beyond his worst nightmares. “If that wasn't the worst by far, I'm afraid of what the other nine times were like.”

    “This wasn't one of those times. No one forced me or held a weapon to me. I did it willingly.” If it was possible, things had gotten even worse. Karl was beginning to suspect that Stephen had been attacked in some way far more times then the ten he had admitted to, and worst of all he didn't realize that this was the case.

    “Well, no matter what, those people shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

    “Trust me, I wasn’t any better than they were. Back in the day there wasn’t a thing I wouldn’t do with people, male or female. I was a slut even before I started my work. It might as well have been payback.”

    “Stephen, I know you. You’re a good man.”

    Stephen was borderline hysterical by now. “Oh really? Let me tell you something else. One of my connections once told me it was okay to bring Donny, and then she wanted him to come play with her and her toys. I got him out of there, but I ended up going back a few times. It was bad enough having to play at being a little boy for her, but every time she kept raising the amount of money she’d give me if I let her spend some time with Donny. The last time it was five hundred dollars. And you know what I thought when I heard that? ‘That’s a lot of money?’ A lot of money, for what? For thinking even of taking it for a second, thinking about killing my son…” Stephen couldn’t finish his sentence, and dissolved into tears again.

    Karl wished he had a better idea of what to do. He wanted to embrace Stephen, to tell him he wasn’t to blame for any of that. But he suspected that would be a mistake. “Stephen, can you listen to me?” He nodded and gasped a few times. “I want to get you an appointment with a psychiatrist. Keeping all this inside you isn’t good. I don’t want to have to tell Donny one day that you won’t be able to see him ever again because you were hurting so much. Let me say this now: nothing that happened to you was warranted in any way. No one should have hurt you in the ways they did. I know you might not believe me, but if I don’t say it then I’ll regret it.”

    Stephen shook his head. “I’m so disgusting. How can you want to be around me, knowing what you know about me?”

    “I know that I care about you. And nothing I hear is going to make me think any less of you.”

    There was silence. “I guess I should see someone. But I’m pretty sure they won’t think like you do the more they learn about me, Karl.” He looked him straight in the eyes. “Do you know why I haven't tried to go back into medicine? Because of everything I've done over the last six years. You really think I could go back and deal with respectable people with the knowledge that I fucked strangers for money? I've done it all, and I can't go back.”

    It wasn’t really what would have been ideal, but Karl knew that there was little chance he could fix Stephen with just a conversation. “Then I’m going to start looking for someone. It breaks my heart to know you’re suffering, Stephen. And as for going back to work, you can stay here without doing anything if that feels best. Someday I hope you won't feel so ashamed.” He went to get his phone.

 

* * *

 

    There had been a part of Stephen that had known the danger of Karl coming back before he was able to kill himself. The best method he was able to use was slitting his wrists, since there were no other ways in the Mordo home for easy use. The second option he had involved throwing himself out of the window, but that required a bit too much contorting in order to work.

    If he were honest with himself, he'd wanted to die for quite a while now. The days when work had been harder than usual, the times when Donny had gone without some little pleasure because there was no money for it, or any other small thing that snowballed into something larger over time. Most days were filled with misery prior to moving in with Karl, but Stephen had rationalized it by pointing out that given the circumstances who wouldn't be unhappy? Now it was clear: the problem was with himself, not his surroundings.

    Once again, Karl had proven himself to be far better than Stephen could ever hope to be. After seeing Karl barge in as he was making yet another attempt to hold the razor steady, he was certain that he would be yelled at for being so selfish. He should be forced to live on and in pain, not get the easy way out via death. In another surprise, Stephen had almost wished Karl would put his arm around him as they sat together. The most likely outcome of this would be a triggering of past memory (as had most touches since he'd moved in), but even if it was just a second of peace it would be worth it.

    “So you have nothing now. Do you know the name of anyone who might have an opening soon?” This was the fourth psychiatrist that had been called, and it appeared this one couldn't see Stephen soon either. The second one had promised to have something within a month, but Karl had rejected that as being too long. “Alright. Can you repeat that number again?” He scribbled down something on a piece of paper. “The name's Drumm? Correct? Thank you, I've got all of it. I hope this one works out for us.” He hung up. “Dr. Samson is currently booked throughout the near future. He did give me the name of a Dr. Drumm who he says is very good. He thinks he might be able to see you soon. Is that okay with you?”

    “It's fine.” Each time a call was made, Stephen was asked if it was okay to speak to this particular doctor. He wasn't certain if it really mattered. The first thing any of them were likely to do was to have Stephen look at how he'd messed up his life and how to make amends to the people he'd hurt in the past. He couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to revisit those moments. If he had to go back as far as his sister's death, then he wondered if he would make it through another day.

    “He's here right now. Should I put him on?” This call seemed to have more promise than the prior ones had. Karl put down the phone and spoke to Stephen. “Dr. Drumm wants to talk with you now. Is that okay?”

    “Fine.” He still felt a tinge of fear over what would be said, but maybe this Dr. Drumm wouldn't see him for what he really was quite yet. “Let me talk to him.”

    He was handed the phone. “Stephen?” The voice on the other end had a calming tone to it. It was easy to imagine patients feeling comfortable with this man. Stephen also noticed a cadence to his voice indicating he was a native French speaker. It was fairly subtle, and unless you knew the rhythms of the language you might not have even picked it up. “I'm Dr. Drumm. I've heard that you've been having a bit of a hard time?”

    That was one way to put it. “I guess so.”

    “Well, I'd like to try and help you. I have an appointment tomorrow at ten. Would you be able to make it?”

    This was rather sudden. “How come you have an opening so fast?” Stephen hoped he wasn't forcing some needy soul out of their time. Someone who deserved to be helped, not like him.

    “The patient I normally see then is out of town for a few months. And from what I've heard from your friend, I believe that it's better to see you as soon as I can. Should I pencil you in for tomorrow?”

    He had nothing left to lose. “Yes.”

    “Then I'll see you then. I look forward to meeting you.” The call was ended, and Stephen wished he knew how to feel right now.

    Karl was waiting for him to finish. “What did he say?”

    “He wants me to see him tomorrow, at ten.”

    “Then I guess I know what we're doing tomorrow morning. Dr. Drumm seemed like a nice man, but I don't know if that means he's also a good doctor. If he doesn't work out I'll try looking for someone else.”

    Again with the kindness. “You shouldn't do so much for me. What have I ever given you but trouble?”

    A somber expression fell over Karl's face. “Just being my friend is enough for me, Stephen. And even if you'd given me nothing, I would still want to help you. Life isn't about what people can do for you. I've known people who think like that, very well unfortunately, and that's no way to live. Seeing you start to feel better is all I need.”

    Stephen had words on his tongue that he'd wanted to say for a long time now. But saying those words would ruin everything. “I don't know what to do now.”

    “Then don't do anything.” They sat together, not saying a word, until it was time to go get Astrid and Donny from school. Karl asked him “Do you feel okay with going out?”

    “Don always wants to see me when he gets out. I want to go.” Stephen wasn't certain his words were the right thing to say, but if they were wrong Karl didn't show it.

    Both Astrid and Donny were full of excitement, talking about the upcoming Valentine's Day and the card they were getting for their classmates. Astrid told them “I want to get those little bags of M&M's for everybody. I think they should be the chocolate kind, since Katie and Deshaun can't have peanuts. I like the peanut kind best, but I'm only giving out ones that people can eat.”

    Stephen envied Astrid's carefree life, with the only problems being those of a six-year old. He could sometimes look back at his life as a surgeon and see it as being much more worry-free, although the chances taken in trying to help a patient could be a huge burden.

    Once they got home, Stephen went to his room to check his phone for the first time in weeks. _Fifteen missed calls._ He sat on the bed, not wanting to delete the messages but fearing having to hear them. At last he put his phone in the dresser, vowing to not check it again.

    As he sat, he wondered if this Dr. Drumm would see what he was, as opposed to Karl and Wong who thought he was a good man. Tomorrow he would see.

 

 


	15. Damage Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen and Karl get some much needed help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here can be seen a bit of an upward swing, but things won't get better for quite some time.
> 
>  
> 
> [This](https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:VoodooValris.jpg) is what Jericho is wearing on his necklace.
> 
> Hope that this is well-received.

 

    Like most nights, Stephen had trouble falling asleep. At least this time he knew the reason: his appointment with Dr. Drumm the next morning. What would the man say or do? Was it possible Karl might be told to leave him, due to his past actions? There were no answers forthcoming, and eventually Stephen wound up in the living room reading. When he finished, he sat and waited for daylight to come.

    When Karl walked into the room, he looked to be struggling to find the right words. “Nervous?”

    Stephen nodded quickly, not sure if that was the right answer. He was worried he might be sick.

    “It’s hard to get help. You have to admit to yourself that things aren’t good, and then work on changing them. It’s easier to just cling to the old defenses and barriers that look to have served you well.” Karl showed a degree of insight that Stephen wondered about. Perhaps he’d had a friend or family member in the past that needed help.

    Breakfast was difficult. Stephen only had a small amount of food before having to leave the table to be sick. He wasn’t sure he would make it through his appointment today. Maybe there was no help to be found for him.

    Returning to the kitchen, Donny asked “What’s wrong, Daddy?”

    “I’m a little nervous today. I’ve got to see a new doctor today.”

    “Are you sick again? You haven’t been sick for a while.”

    There was no way to tell Donny that he wasn’t likely to get sick like he had so often in the past due to lack of exposure to the risk factors. “No. This is a different kind of doctor. He helps people out with their feelings.”

    “Oh.” Donny didn’t look to be happy with the answer, but he went on eating breakfast without a further word.

    When they were dropped off at school, Astrid told Stephen “I hope your doctor tells you you’re okay.”

    He smiled in spite of himself. “I don’t think that’s going to happen, Astrid.”

    There was a brief lull in between going to school and the doctor’s visit. Stephen tried to occupy his time in some way, but he couldn’t focus on anything. Karl didn’t seem any better off, picking up and putting down a magazine until it was time to go. He wondered if he’d caused the added stress for Karl. Given how everything in his life had seemed to be made worse by his presence, it was most likely true.

    In the car, Karl only had one thing to say. “Do you want me to go in with you this time, or should I stay in the waiting room?”

    He did want Karl there for some kind of support, but since he didn’t know what would be said in the first meeting Stephen replied “Stay outside, please.”

    “That's what I'll do, then.”

    The waiting room of Dr. Jericho Drumm was essentially the same as most other doctor's offices around the world. There were magazines, several different chairs, and a few pamphlets for people to take. Stephen's eyes darted around nervously as he waited for the doctor to make his entrance.

    “Stephen Strange?” He looked up at the sound of his name. Dr. Drumm was roughly the same height as Stephen, and was wearing a plaid button-down shirt along with black pants. His face was carefully neutral, seeming to be waiting before judging the situation too much. He extended his hand as Stephen walked towards him and said “I'm glad to meet you.”

    The handshake was filled with the usual awkwardness, but no comment on it was made. They made their way into the office itself.

    Stephen sat down on a chair that faced at an angle from the one Dr. Drumm was sitting on. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be the one who spoke first.

    “Now, Stephen, can you tell me what brings you in here today?” The question felt somewhat unexpected, because he had thought Karl had told him what had happened over the phone.

    “I think Karl told you already.”

    “He did give me a bit of a summary, but he’s not the one I’m seeing today. You are, so you’re the person who needs to tell me about it.” Stephen tried to focus on a necklace Dr. Drumm was wearing instead of his face. It was a standard silver-colored chain with a square hanging from it. The symbol on it was unfamiliar to him, but he doubted that it would be a good time to ask about it.

    Stephen sighed. “I tried to kill myself yesterday.”

    Dr. Drumm picked up a pencil and a notepad, and started taking notes as he said “I see. Can you tell me about what led up to that?”

    So far nothing too personal was being asked. This helped him to relax as he said “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time now, I guess. Before yesterday I had to think about what would happen to my son if I died, so I couldn’t go through with it. But now I don’t have to worry about that anymore. So I just kept going until it was too much to handle anymore.”

    “Would you say there was anything that served as a particular catalyst for it, or was it just a combination of little things adding up?”

    “Little things. Like seeing Donny – he’s my son – being able to have a life like other kids do, unlike before. And how there are so many things that bother me nowadays.”

    “Did you have a specific plan in mind, or was it more of a spur-of-the-moment type thing?” Dr. Drumm appeared to be interested in Stephen’s answers, but he didn’t look overly concerned about the content of said answers. It might have just been that he didn’t care, but the neutrality of his manner made Stephen feel like he could speak with him.

    “I did think at some point about how to do it. I settled for slitting my wrists, because there wasn’t any other way to do it in the immediate vicinity. As you can guess, it didn’t work so well.” Stephen held out his hands so Dr. Drumm could see the scars and tremor. “Karl found me before I could hold a razor steady enough to make any kind of cut.”

    “How did you feel when you were found?”

    “Surprised, a bit. I didn't think Karl would be there then. Mostly I just kept thinking about how all I do is cause trouble for people, and wanted things to just stop for a while.”

     “Do you think the chances of success versus being found made you try suicide then?”

    “I don’t know.” Stephen slumped his shoulders. “I’m sorry. I wish I could tell you more.”

    “It's okay. Most people don't fully understand why they choose a certain time to kill themselves.” He jotted down a few notes. “Let me ask you a few questions, Stephen. Can you tell me what you do for a living?”

    He wanted to get up and run out of the room. Some unknown force made him stay. “Right now I'm unemployed.” Should he go on? “Before the last few weeks, I was working.” He couldn't bring himself to say more. It was too hard.

    Dr. Drumm put down his pencil. “I noticed that you seem to be uncomfortable with the question. Can you tell me why?”

    He had to know. That was why he was asking – he needed confirmation for what a terrible person Stephen was. “Karl told you, didn't he? He said I was a whore, right?” He was breathing heavily, and wonder if he would pass out.

    “Stephen, listen to me. I need you to take a deep breath.” Stephen obliged as best he could. “Now take another. And another.” Soon, he was able to regain some kind of control over his body. “Better? Alright. I want you to listen to what I have to say: first of all, your friend didn't tell me anything about you other than you were having a hard time with things and tried to kill yourself. Second, I was trying to get an idea of how you're functioning today, and if you're able to work is part of that. I apologize for causing you such distress with that question. So for now, we can just leave it here.” He went on with his questions like nothing had happened. “You talked about other things bothering you earlier. What kinds of issues are you having?”

    “Well, I've had problems eating for a while. I either don't feel hungry, or I can only eat a little bit. I've had sleep problems, too. Sometimes I can't fall asleep, and I wake up during the night a lot. Usually I can't get back to sleep very easily.” This question wasn't hard to answer, but Stephen knew he was crying now. He wondered if Dr. Drumm thought he was being pathetic, not being able to keep control over his emotions.

    “Over the last few months, how would you describe your mood?”

    “Tired. Unhappy. I always thought I was unhappy because things were so bad for me and Donny.”

    “How were things bad?”

    “Up until three weeks ago, Donny and I were homeless. I lived like that for almost seven years, six of those with a child. I tried to take care of him as best I could, but I knew I didn't do enough for him.” He suspected what the next question would be, and opted to preemptively answer it. “You've noticed my hands. I was a surgeon before I got into an accident that ruined the nerves. Then I spent all my money trying to get them working again. I ended up with nothing, living on the street. I spent some time with a woman who became Donny's mother, and I couldn't get the kind of work homeless people normally do.” Stephen couldn't believe he'd talked about anything related to work. Dr. Drumm had a manner about him that made Stephen think he could be trusted with almost anything, but he still hoped he wouldn't have to share too much.

    “I can see why you might have thought that any unhappiness you were feeling was because of circumstances. Did you feel happier if things were working out for you? Like having a little extra spending money, or doing something with your son?”

    Stephen paused to think about it. “Not really. It always ended up being tinged with sadness. The closest I felt to being happy was when I spent Thanksgiving with Karl. He’s the one you talked to yesterday. He took me and Donny in when he learned we were homeless.”

    Dr. Drumm nodded. “I’m going to give you a questionnaire when you leave today. I’d like you to fill it out as best you can, and bring it back next time we see each other. One other thing, Stephen. Can you give me a ranking for how much you feel like hurting yourself? One to ten, with one being you think about it sometimes but won’t do anything and ten being as soon as possible you plan on doing it whenever you can.”

    He’d never had to put a number to what he was feeling before. “Seven,” he eventually decided on as what the best answer would be.

    “I see. I’m going to ask you to agree to a contract with me. It says that if you feel like trying to kill yourself again that you’ll call me before doing anything. I’ll give you my number, and if you need to reach me let the phone ring once and hang up. Then call back, and I’ll speak with you right away.”

    Stephen looked at his feet. “Okay.”

    “I’ll get that written up as soon as I can. We’re almost at the end of our time here.” Stephen was surprised to see nearly an hour had passed. “I’d like for you to come back on Friday, the same time as today. That’s two days from now. Is that a good time for you?”

    There probably wasn't any time that could be called good, but there was nothing preventing him from making it. “I can be there.”

    “Very well. I'm glad to have met you, Stephen. I hope we can work out your problems here.”

    Stephen was still weighing what he thought of Dr. Drumm while he went out to meet Karl in the waiting room. He'd seemed like a good listener, but he hadn't really heard anything yet. When he did learn more, then it would likely change.

    Karl was looking at one of the magazines when Stephen emerged. “How was it?”

    Not certain if Karl wanted to know specific details or just a general overview, he said “Dr. Drumm wants me to come back Friday at the same time. He gave me a questionnaire to fill out for him.” As they made their way to the car, Stephen caught a glimpse of himself in some glass. His eyes were red and it was clear he had been crying. He shrank into his coat, hoping that no one would pay attention to him.

 

* * *

 

    Karl could guess that it had been a difficult experience for Stephen as soon as he came out. He'd asked about how it went, and got an answer that didn't tell much. Not that he felt disappointed with the response. From his own time in therapy, he recalled how it had felt that most of his sessions ended with either tears or anger. Normally, it was a mix of both.

    Given that Dr. Drumm wanted to see him again soon, he either hadn't gotten enough information to form a treatment plan yet or he felt Stephen needed immediate help. Karl prayed it was the former option.

    The silence in the car was broken fairly quickly by Stephen, who said “I made a contract.”

    “For what, if you don't mind me asking?” He was confident he knew the nature of the therapeutic contract, but it might make a difference if Stephen was willing to share details.

    He inhaled. “So I don't kill myself. If I start thinking about it really hard, I should call him instead. I hope if I need to it's not too late or he has an important patient or something.”

    “If he told you to call him then, he means whenever you need to.” Pat's words from early on echoed in Karl's mind. _If you need a listening ear, call me. You're not in this alone._ The biggest difference here was that Karl had never considered harming himself. His family, yes, but not himself. The risk of him doing so wasn't very big, since he would have had to fly out to Germany in order to do so, and by the time he got there the anger would be mostly gone.

    He wondered if he should tell Stephen about Pat. He'd mentioned him at Thanksgiving as being his first friend in America, but how they'd met hadn't come up. It might make things a little easier knowing Karl had had problems himself that he couldn't fix alone. But Stephen could also end up thinking that he hadn't had things that bad in comparison, and that would worsen his guilt.

    Stephen was hunched over in the seat, not paying attention to the road or Karl. The overall morose demeanor reminded Karl that he should have tried to get professional help sooner. He was only human, but it should have been clear the minute Stephen had told him he'd been – attacked – at least ten times is when it became clear he was in over his head in trying to help.

    It was about time for lunch when they got back, and Karl made tuna fish sandwiches. He'd asked Stephen at first what he wanted to eat every day, but when he never expressed a preference for anything Karl just began to make meals without asking. Stephen normally ate what he was given, so it seemed to be okay thus far.

    “Hope you like tuna,” Karl said as he put down a plate in front of him. He liked making meals for people, but there was always a bit of nerves when you gave them your food.

    “Tuna’s fine. I used to eat a lot of it,” was Stephen’s answer. Karl wondered where he’d gotten to eat tuna. Since making a sandwich required mayonnaise, and that needed to be refrigerated, then it was surprising Stephen ate them on a regular basis. Well, it was possible to eat tuna plain, and that might explain things.

    Stephen took a bite, and chewed slowly before swallowing. Karl asked him “Does it taste alright?”

    “I think so.” He went back to eating, but abruptly his face went pale. Stephen jumped up and covered his mouth, and ran out of the room.

    Karl went right after him. Stephen was in the children’s bathroom, hunched over the toilet being sick. After some time, he lifted up his head and repeated “Oh God, oh God…”

    “What happened?” He was afraid of the answer. Was it nerves, something about the taste of tuna, or something else entirely?

    “One of my connections… They used to get lunch at Subway every day. Tuna was their favorite. Sometimes I got a piece of the sandwich. When I started eating it, I felt like I was back there. He liked to see me bleed.” Karl didn’t need to hear anymore. He was already planning on donating all the tuna in the home to a soup kitchen or some such. But even doing that wouldn’t erase whatever it was that had happen to Stephen that made the taste of the sandwich turn into a source of fear.

    “I guess I won’t be making that again.” Karl wasn’t sure if he needed to say anything, but the silence after Stephen’s disclosure was too much to handle.

    “No.” He rose to his feet shakily.

    “What do you think you might like instead?”

    “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get it myself. I already wasted your food. I’m not making you cater to my whims.” Stephen was resolute in his determination to not put Karl through any trouble.

    “That’s fine. Have what you like.” Karl had no issues with making a replacement lunch for Stephen, but like almost all of his efforts at kindness it was likely to be pushed away.

    It was later on that Karl thought of something he might be able to do. Walking to school, he asked Stephen “How would you feel about a movie night?”

    “A movie night?” Stephen had pulled himself into his coat in such a way that it enveloped him all over. The tension in his body was so profound Karl wondered if it might have been better for him to stay home.

    “I'll make popcorn, and pick out a DVD everyone can see. We can just have a relaxing night home, and not have to do anything. Does that sound good to you?”

    Some of the tension in Stephen's manner was released. “I guess it's fine. I'm not familiar with a lot of movies, though. Before I got hurt I was always too busy and after... Well, I never got the chance.”

    “Then we've got catching up to do. It'll be something new for all of us.” Karl hoped to see the rare smile on Stephen's face in response, but he didn't get one. Instead he looked more like he felt comfortable being out in the world, which was progress of sorts.

    This one good moment wasn't going to fix all of the problems Stephen had, but being able to take away some of his pain for a while sufficed for Karl.

    Perhaps someday such things would be enough for joy.

 

* * *

 

    There is always something in the way a patient sits that tells you about them.

    This was one of the mantras that Jericho Drumm had learned while in residency for his psychiatric career. If they take care to sit in what is normally thought of as a proper way, then they likely had a strong focus on how to conduct oneself in public. Being fidgety could mean problems with focusing, or signs of drug withdrawal. And if you were making yourself as small as possible, then it was likely you were either nervous or had self-esteem issues.

    Stephen Strange, in Jericho's mind, fell into both of the last two categories. He'd come into the office wearing his winter coat and a pair of gloves, and made no effort to remove them. His first impression of the man was that he looked to have been defeated by the world, and now could see no good in anything.

    The first words out of his mouth were “I answered your questions. I had a problem with some of them, and left them blank. I'm sorry if that's an issue.” Just as his demeanor told something, his words helped to make the picture clearer. Given his response to not completely performing the task he was assigned, Jericho suspected that the man had been abused at some point in the past. It wouldn't be a surprise to have a patient be sorry about not being able to provide information, but Stephen clearly thought it would be seen as a failing on his part.

    Of course, what with what he'd been told in the last session about how he'd earned a living, it sadly would be expected that abuse was involved. Jericho personally didn't have an issue with the idea of a person making a living via sex work, but with the way it worked now people who did such were at risk for exploitation.

    Stephen's terrified reaction to the question of work had made it clear that there had been trauma involved, and the issue was likely to be a challenge to bring up. Jericho's plan for now was to let Stephen dictate how much to share about what had happened to him, and work with what came out.

    The questionnaire results, from what he could see, weren't a shock. Stephen had answered in a manner indicating a serious level of depression, and taken with his attempted suicide it meant that more proactive measures needed to be taken. The fear of how severe Stephen's depression might be had been the biggest reason for Jericho to arrange for their next appointment to be so soon. He looked up from it and said “Whatever you could answer should work for me. I know some of those questions aren’t that simple to answer.” He smiled, hoping to ease Stephen’s nerves.

    The attempt didn’t appear to be effective. Stephen looked down before saying “Something happened after I left on Wednesday.”

    “Was it something you’d like to talk about?”

    “I think so.” Despite the affirmative response, it was a few minutes before he was able to share it. “I was eating lunch. It was a tuna sandwich. I used to eat them a bit, because someone I worked for ate them a lot. He’d share at times.” Another pause. “He liked to make me bleed.” Jericho didn’t say a word, waiting for Stephen to finish the telling on his own. “The taste of the sandwich… I could feel the knife on my skin. I ended up getting sick.” He was able to look up and say “I’ve had sandwiches after it happened, so why did it bother me now?”

    “I have a theory as to why this might be the case. Would you like to hear it?”

    “If you want.”

    It was enough for now. “You’ve said you were homeless before, correct? I think that before your mind was focused primarily on surviving, instead of what was happening. So your mind didn’t fully process the incidents until you were in a safe place. And this means you might find things bothering you that weren’t an issue before.”

    Stephen appeared to be taking in this information. He remained silent, his eyes darting around the room.

    Silence had suited the situation just fine until now, but Jericho knew that you had to push boundaries at some point in order to make progress in therapy. “Have you had any similar experiences recently?”

    “Yeah. Sometimes I can relate it to something that happened when I was working, but other times it's not because of anything I can see. Like when I first moved in with Karl, he touched one of my hands. Then I could feel like I was being touched elsewhere, but he didn't even have his hand on mine anymore. That can't be work-related. None of my connections touched my hands much – normally I got comments about how I should cover them up. I wore gloves all the time for a while, but people kept staring so I stopped.”

    There was quite a bit to digest in what Stephen had said. First of all, he had admitted to having flashbacks related to traumatic things, which was leading Jericho to think that he had a serious case of PTSD. Second was the way Stephen referred to his history of prostitution as “working” or “work”. Taken with the fact he called his clients work connections or people he worked for, it showed that he was trying to keep some kind of distance between himself and what he did. This likely meant that Stephen had not chosen what he did entirely on his own, which could make even more ordinary encounters exploitative. That would compound the trauma, as even if a client had been non-violent during a meeting he still might leave feeling used. Wanting to explore the issue a little bit more, Jericho asked “I want to look at your work a little bit here. Can you tell me something about it, like how you became involved with this line of work?”

    His voice was flat as he intoned “I was begging. Needed to feed my son. Someone said he'd give me fifty bucks if I let him fuck me. Don't worry, I really got around even before then. It was just the kind of work someone like me should be doing.”

    His fears were confirmed. Stephen may not have been forced into sex work like it was commonly thought to happen, but he'd clearly been in a situation where there were few other options. “Did anything further happen with them, or was it a one-time thing?”

    A laugh. “He became my best customer. Referred people he knew to me. I normally saw him once a week or so. He even said sometimes that if Donny wasn't around, he'd keep me for good. Just lock me away and use my services whenever he liked. I heard him talk about how all he'd need to do was get a doctor who knew how to keep their mouth shut. Once, he cut some lines in my chest. Licked up the blood. Said it meant he'd tasted all of me. He wasn't the tuna guy. That guy I saw maybe once every few months.” The answer was more than Jericho had expected him to share. It cemented the fact that the work Stephen did had been abusive, if his first client was any indication. Since the man had sent other people in Stephen's direction, it could be inferred that they also would have a similar perspective on what you could do to people. This wasn't a certainty, as friends could have vastly different beliefs on a variety of things, but if they did it meant further mistreatment for Stephen.

    “That must have been frightening for you.” Sympathy for what had happened to his patient needed to be expressed, even if he wasn't in a state to accept it right now. Most people who had been abused in any manner ended up thinking they deserved whatever had befallen them, and Stephen's overall demeanor indicated that he blamed himself for the problems life had thrown at him.

    “Shouldn't have put myself there. If I wasn't so selfish by trying to keep Donny with me then I might have been able to get some shelter and put my life together. I let him suffer for years by not giving him a real home. Anything that happened to me was just what I deserved. Doesn't help that I was such an asshole before I got hurt.”

    The last statement gave another springboard for discussion. “How come you say you were an asshole? What was the biggest problem you had then?”

    “I thought I was the best there ever was. I talked all the time about all the things I did. I slept around, with men and women. I insulted people for not being as good as I thought I was. Then I ended up texting and driving. Ruined my hands, ended my career. And you know what? Everybody around me was glad. They all thought I got what was coming to me, and if they knew what happened next then they'd be even happier. Only one who cared for a bit was my girlfriend then, and even she got sick of all the things I kept doing to get my hands working again. After I kept on being a jerk to her she left, and then I was alone.”

    Not everything Stephen said could be true. Jericho didn't doubt that Stephen had been arrogant in the past, and that he'd been short-sighted in his dealings with others, but in order for him to be the person described he would not be that much different now. Hard-grained personality traits were notoriously difficult to change, mainly because there was often a lack of desire to change them. The fact that Stephen was sitting before him now with tears in his eyes gave Jericho a good deal of hope. There was still a great deal of work to be done, but it was cause for some hope. “Is it possible that some of your behavior was a cover for any feelings of doubt or self-image problems?”

    “The only people who say something like that are the ones who don't like to think there are real jerks in the world. Your behavior is a clue to who you are. And what you are can't be changed. You can only make people think you can.” Stephen was now looking down again.

    Jericho suspected he'd hit a nerve. It was funny how he could be so adamant that he was an asshole, a terrible person, but if you suggested he might not think all that well of himself he responded by saying that he really thought he was great. Why? Because he acted that way. And why did he act that way? Because he thought he was great. If Stephen were in a better place right now it would be a good time to work on some cognitive techniques for dealing with these negative thought patterns, but right now the biggest concern was stabilization. “Let's move on to something else. I've looked through the questionnaire you gave me, and I think it looks like you're pretty depressed.”

    Stephen didn't say anything for a moment. “I guess I should be. Time for me to feel some of the pain I've given to others now.”

    Disregarding his words, Jericho said “Normally I would like to try some talk therapy before seeing if other methods are needed. But with what I've heard from you so far, I'd like to start you on a small dose of an antidepressant. I'll give you the prescription in just a moment.” He grabbed his pad, and wrote out the information needed. “I understand that you think everything is your fault right now, Stephen. But I don't agree with that, and I want to help you feel better.”

    Stephen was looking at him now, still silently crying. “I'm sorry,” he whispered.

    “That's fine with me. You can feel whatever you like here. I'd like us to keep to the same schedule we had this week, on Wednesdays and Fridays at ten. Will that work for you?”

    “I have to ask Karl about it. He's the one who drives me here.”

    “We can go talk to him now. Our time is just about up. And I'd like you to know that if you need to speak with me for any reason, you can call me. It might take a bit for me to get back to you if it isn't an emergency, but I promise I will return your call.”

    Walking into the waiting room, Jericho saw Karl look up from a book he was reading. “Is everything okay?”

    “Dr. Drumm wants to see me on Wednesdays and Fridays. Same time. Is that alright with you?” Stephen sounded so uncertain of getting a yes answer. It was another sign of the damage done.

    “There hasn't been an issue so far, so I think that will work just fine.” Karl went to put on his coat.

    “Good-bye, Stephen. I'll see you soon.” Stephen nodded, but did not respond, merely following Karl out the door.

    There was something about the way that he looked at Karl that told Jericho he might be dealing with another issue in the near future. He vowed to call Daniel tonight.

    If things ended up being as complicated as they promised to be, he would need all the physical and spiritual support he could get.

 


	16. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl shares his story, family bonds are built, and Stephen admits a truth to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We get a little more background on Karl in this chapter.
> 
> Warnings: talk of past rape/non-con. Stephen tells about some of his clients, and they aren't nice.

    Karl had noticed when Stephen came out from his appointment he looked to have been crying again. He supposed it shouldn’t have been much of a surprise, since from his own experiences tears were a common thing in therapy. However, Stephen looked to be ashamed that he had reacted that way. Karl asked “Was it hard today?”

    “No. I just end up bringing problems wherever I go. Hope you’re paying Dr. Drumm a lot of money so he won’t just give up on dealing with me.” Karl felt his heart break as he listened to Stephen’s self-loathing. How could he convince the other man that he was valuable to those around him?

    The best way might be to share something. He said “You know when I was in therapy, at first it felt like I cried every time I was there. I think after around four years I stopped needing to bring tissues with me whenever I went.”

    Stephen seemed shocked. “You were in therapy? Why? You’re so… good. You needed help?”

    “I did. It was after I came to the US. I was having problems in my classes and with people around me. Someone gave me the name of a counselor who could help, and that was how I met Pat. With everything that was happening then, I would have ended up a very different person if I hadn’t gotten some help.”

    There was still a great deal of surprise in Stephen’s expression. It seemed that he couldn’t even imagine Karl having had problems too big to handle on his own. “What was wrong? Or should I not ask that now?” As soon as he first asked the question Stephen shrank back into himself. Karl wondered what he thought might happen if the question was unwanted.

    Taking a deep breath, he said “Because I had found out my father had been murdered when I was a child.” It was the biggest secret of his life, and now he had shared it for the first time outside of therapy or one who already knew the truth.

    The gravity of Karl's statement took a moment to fully sink in. “How? What happened? Was it random?”

    He'd already started with the hard part. The rest felt a little easier. “In order to really understand what happened you need to know about my family. My mother married my father because he had land and money. And both of those my grandparents wanted. It wasn't a matter of need – they both had more than enough money to live a lavish lifestyle without getting more. But my grandfather is always looking for more. He looks at people and thinks about what they can do for him. From what I've heard, my grandmother was the same. They raised my mother to think the same way, so she had no problems with marrying a man just for what he had.”

    The next part was more personal. “Shortly after they were married, my grandmother died. After I was born, my grandfather spent a lot of time at our home with me. I remember thinking for much of my childhood how much he must love me because of that. But there were cracks in the facade. To start with, I was only praised for doing things he approved of. Learning music was acceptable, but not learning about plants. And I was always supposed to display no emotion to others. 'It is important to show no weakness,' he told me. In fact, one of the few times I ever heard anything from my father was when I'd fallen riding a bike and hurt my knee. My grandfather told me to stop crying, but Father didn't let it go farther. 'You can have whatever feelings you like, Karl.' We weren't close, mainly because my mother and grandfather told me over and over that he disliked children. So that moment was my only real thing I had of him for much of my life. He was dead two weeks after that.”

    Stephen seemed to have guessed what had really happened. “How did you think he died?”

    “Riding accident. Father loved horses, and he made it a priority to go out riding most days. One day, he didn't come back, and they found him later with his skull smashed in. Since he was near a fairly large rock, officially it was put down as an accident. But it was my mother who killed him.” Karl paused, trying to think of how best to talk about what came next. “I never would have suspected a thing. My mother is cold, distant, and manipulative. I can't recall a single time when I was a child that she ever showed any real affection to me. It probably isn't a shock that I ended up thinking my grandfather cared so much for me. But he only cared because my birth meant he now had access to Father's assets. When he wants something from someone, he is one of the most charming people you'll ever meet. But once he gets it, you will be stabbed in the back in some way or another. As for me, he saw another pawn he could use to get what he wanted in life. He and my grandmother had brought up my mother the same way, and if I hadn't overheard a conversation between him and my mother shortly before I was going to come here I would have been very similar.”

    The pain in Karl's voice was clear, and Stephen said “That's horrible. I wish you hadn't had to live like that. What did you hear, and what happened next?”

    “They were talking about me leaving for college. My mother said I was a lot like my father, but that I certainly wouldn't have pleaded for my life before someone killed me. They laughed, and talked about how they'd planned for him to die before they even were engaged. I was in shock. That night I took money from my own bank account, and left my grandfather's home. My mother and I came to live there after Father's death. I left them a note. _I know everything. You are murderers._ I went to school as it was planned before, met Pat, and gradually became the person I am today.” There was a liberating feeling in being able to share his story with someone else. A burden had been lifted from Karl's shoulders.

    Stephen glanced at his feet. “Have you seen them since?”

    “No. My mother has tried to see Astrid at times, starting with when she was born and most recently attempted to take her from her preschool. I had words with her over that, telling her I never want her near my daughter. Fortunately, Lilia knows the truth and agrees with keeping my family away from Astrid.”

    After Karl finished speaking, Stephen looked him directly in the eyes. “I'm sorry. None of that should have ever happened to you. You should have had people who loved you no matter what.”

 _And you shouldn't have had to live on the streets, and be used by people who saw you as being less than human._ Karl didn't think of what had happened to either of them as being an issue of who had it worse. He'd argued with Pat on this same issue in the beginning, pointing out there were plenty of people who dealt with worse things in their lives. His answer to that had been “True. But just because someone has it _worse_ doesn't make things _good_ for you.” At the time, he had disregarded the words, but now in hindsight he understood the message being sent.

    Deciding that it would be pointless to say anything like that right now, Karl said “So I understand that things can get rough when you're looking into yourself. I want you to know I'm here for you.”

    Stephen didn't react to what was said. Karl noticed a piece of paper in one of his hands. As they arrived back, he said “Dr. Drumm wants me to start taking an antidepressant.”

    “What do you think of that?”

    “I don't know if it will help. Some days just feel like there's no happiness anywhere, and that there never will be. I'm not sure if any pills can help with that.”

    “I suppose you could just try it for a couple of months or so. If it doesn't make a difference, then he probably won't mind if you stop taking it.”

    Stephen took several short breaths. Karl thought he might be on the brink of tears again. “Sometimes I wish you weren't so kind to me. I don't deserve you.”

    Karl said nothing. He knew that there would be no point in trying to convince Stephen that he was a good man. Whether it was just because of the challenging circumstances he had found himself in or if it came about due to something within him, Stephen clearly had serious issues with his own self-worth. He hoped that Dr. Drumm would be able to help with that.

    As soon as they got inside, Stephen headed off in the direction of his room. Before too long, Karl could hear the water running, and he knew Stephen was taking another shower. He sighed, and wondered if he should ask Dr. Drumm for advice on what to do next.

 

* * *

 

    Dinner led to another change that may have been relatively mild, but showed a shift in how the two families had grown to see each other.

    It started with Donny saying to Karl, “You know, it’s kind of funny that we’ve been living here for a while, but I still call you Mr. Mordo. It’s okay to call your teacher by their last name, but it doesn’t feel right with you.”

    This hadn’t been something Karl had thought about. It was growing harder to look at Stephen and Donny as being just guests, because it felt as if they were a part of the household now. So it was difficult to continue being addressed in a formal manner, by someone who was part of the family now. “Well, Donny, I guess you can call me Karl if you want to.”

    Donny thought about it for a moment. “That’s okay… Karl.”

    Astrid then added, “If Donny is calling you by your name, Daddy, then is it okay if I call Dr. Strange Stephen now?”

    “That depends on what he wants.” Karl waited for an answer.

    “Well, if Donny’s calling Karl by his name, then it’s only fair you can do the same. So I guess I’m Stephen now.” There was a tiny smile on Stephen’s face, one that made Karl’s heart sing.

    “Thank you, Stephen.” Astrid went back to eating her dinner, but there was a change in the atmosphere in the room. Everyone present had made strides towards becoming a family, and that wasn’t the kind of thing to be taken lightly.

 

* * *

 

    “Hello again Stephen. How have you been doing?”

    It was the third time that Stephen found himself sitting in Dr. Drumm’s office. He still made no effort to remove his coat, even though the room was warm enough. He wasn’t certain why. It just felt a bit easier to deal with everything if he was covered up. “The same, I guess.” He looked away, hoping the doctor wouldn’t be disappointed in him.

    If he was, there was no sign of it. “Have you started taking the medicine yet?”

    “Yes.” Stephen had felt ashamed as he’d gone to get the prescription filled. He knew that most people who needed medication weren’t bad people. They just had problems with their brains that people like he had been before couldn’t fix. But Stephen _was_ a bad person, and he knew that it would take more than some pills to make him better.

    “We’ll look at how it’s working in a month or so. If you aren’t seeing any improvement, then we can look into increasing the dosage or trying something else.” Dr. Drumm picked up his pen. “Is there anything in particular that’s bothering you right now?”

    Stephen shook his head. “The usual things. I had a bit of a freak-out when I saw someone who I used to know. They didn’t see me, but I wasn’t sure what would happen if they did.” Would they go up to Karl and tell him about all the times they had spent together? He had said nothing would make him think less of Stephen, but that couldn’t be true. There were so many terrible things he had done to get money, and there was no way one could hear them without being disgusted.

    “What did you think could happen?”

    “Worst case scenario, they’d go up to Karl and tell him about what we did.” He found himself paying a great deal of attention to his hands.

    “Why would that be such a bad thing?”

    “Why do you think?” Stephen snapped. “How would you feel if someone came up to you and started telling you about the sex they had with someone you knew?”

    Dr. Drumm smirked and said “For starters, I’d wonder why they felt the need to go and talk about such things with random strangers.”

    “You wouldn’t think there was something wrong with the person you knew? Even if they did some off-the-wall stuff?”

    “I normally don’t consider my friends’ sex lives to be something I concern myself with. Does it matter to you what Karl might have done in the past?”

    “Karl’s different. He didn’t do anything for money. And I can guarantee he’s never done some of the things I’ve done.” _And he’s good, kind – not dirty and disgusting like me._

    “But you've never asked him about anything like that, correct? So how can you say that he wouldn't do what you did?”

    Stephen decided that the best way to prove his point was to share one of the many horrible things he had done. “Let me tell you something. One of my connections, one that I met up with ever couple of months, had a thing she liked me to do. You know what that was? I had to be her pet. Not in the way you might think. I was literally supposed to act like her dog. I had a leash and collar and all that. Sometimes I had to be a new puppy – run around, chew things, and act up. Other times I was her old faithful dog who came to greet her at the end of the day. I ate and drank from bowls too. I might get some real food tossed in there or I'd be made to eat real dog food. If I didn't do what I was told, I'd get punished. Sometimes she'd just hit me with a newspaper or something, but other times it'd be something like a broom. Eventually she'd tell me to take care of her, and I'd do what she wanted.” He waited, wanting his words to sink in. “Can you imagine someone doing something like that?”

    Dr. Drumm leaned forward. “Stephen, did you talk about what you were going to do for this woman before you went with her?”

    What a ridiculous question. “No. I never talked about what was going to happen ahead of time. I tried at first, but people got mad if I asked. 'I'm paying you money to do what _I_ want, so you should be grateful I'm giving you work at all.'” He left out the names that he had been called, or how talking about pay was just as bad.

    “Stephen, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm saying now: you could not have been entirely a willing partner in whatever it was you did if you were never informed what might happen. Was there ever a chance for you to refuse to do what a client asked you to do?”

    Stephen could feel his chest grow tight. Of course he couldn't refuse anything. The money he might get was too important. No matter what was asked of him, he had to do it. “Not unless I wanted to not have food for Donny.”

    “Well, what if someone had you do something you hated? If after you'd gone with them, they told you what they wanted, could you back out of the deal then?”

    This had to be a trick of some kind. “That could lead to a worst-case scenario.”

    “Which would be?”

    Why was Dr. Drumm making him say it? “What do you think? I'd get beat up, sometimes I'd still have to do what they wanted, and leave without any money to boot. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”

    “Stephen, why do you think I'd be happy to hear that?” There was no condemnation in Dr. Drumm's face, merely an open look that couldn't quite be determined.

    “Because...” He wondered if he had the right answer. “Remember, I was an asshole before. 'Was' probably isn't the right word. I think I still am one. The only real difference is that now instead of me treating people badly, they get to pay me back.” Oh no, he was crying again.

    Stephen felt tears running down his cheeks as he waited for an answer. “You keep talking about what a bad person you are. How did you become that way?”

    “I was born like this, I think. Nothing bad ever happened to me for a while. I grew up in Nebraska on a farm. Had the whole family – mom, dad, brother, and sister. They're all dead now. Straight A's in school. Full scholarship to college. Never lacked for dates or just sex partners. Now tell me, what kind of man do you think I am hearing that?”

    “Right now I don't think it matters what I think. From what I'm hearing, you think that you're a bad person and you deserve to suffer. There isn't anything I can say, because I doubt you would accept any answer that isn't agreement with what you feel. Can you pinpoint a time that you began to feel this way?”

    If Stephen looked back, he might have been able to say a time earlier than the one he gave. “When I started living on the streets.”

    “Can I ask you another question? While you were working, did anyone tell you that you were a bad person, or call you derogatory names at any time?”

    Now he was sobbing. “Yes,” Stephen choked out before weeping uncontrollably.

    Dr. Drumm handed him a box of tissues. “I'm sorry. I can see that this is hard for you.”

    He tried to compose himself, saying “Don't be sorry. It's my fault. I got myself into this, and I should accept the blame for it.”

    “Can you tell me how it is you are to blame for people mistreating you?”

    “I wouldn't have ended up on the streets if I hadn't tried so many different treatments to fix the damage done to my hands. All they ended up doing was draining my finances. I had to sell everything in order to pay for them. And if I wasn't on the streets I wouldn't have had to –” Stephen didn't want to say the words. “Also, since I've been such a rotten person my whole life, it's only fair that people treat me the way I treated others before.”

    Dr. Drumm frowned. “Were you ever violent or verbally abusive to your sex partners?”

    “I never hurt anyone unless they wanted me to try something. Not a fan of that sort of thing, giving or receiving. But I did insult my co-workers all the time. Kept saying how much better I was than them.”

    “That wasn't what I was asking, Stephen. Did you tell your co-workers they were terrible people who deserved to fail at what they were doing? Did you imply they were less than human because of that?”

    “Yes, I did. Are you happy? Do you understand now?” Stephen wasn't sure if he'd ever actually said those things, but he might as well have. He probably thought them all the time. He could no longer hold in his feelings, and just let himself cry yet again. Dr. Drumm must think he was trying to get him to feel sorry for him. Most people didn't cry this much unless they were having something truly terrible happen to them or if they were playing on other people's feelings. Stephen had to fall in the latter group, because his life was now good. It was the same problem he always had: he was a bad person.

    “Stephen, even if you did say things like that in the past, your reaction right now tells me that you really regret doing it. That tells me you aren't stuck in that pattern of behavior. It's a good sign.”

    Stephen wished he hadn't fooled Dr. Drumm so easily. There was no other reason he thought there was something good in him. He didn't answer, not wanting to make things worse.

    “Unfortunately we're almost out of time here today. Do you think you're okay with leaving here today?” There was a clear level of concern on the doctor's face.

    “I will be.” Stephen didn't have any plans to do anything to himself right now. He felt guilty enough for having left open the possibility of Karl finding him dead. No matter what he thought of him, it wasn't fair to put someone in that situation.

    “That's good. I'm going to give you an assignment before you leave today. I'd like you to tell me next time something good you've been able to do since we last saw each other. Can you do that for me?”

    “I'll try.”

    “Then I will see you again soon, Stephen. I hope you have a good day.”

    As it was before, Karl was waiting for him. He gave Stephen a glance and said “Hard today?”

    “I guess.” He knew he looked pathetic, with his eyes all red and tear tracks all down his face. And he had the nearly impossible assignment before him. What good thing could he do, especially for anyone else?

    (Stephen had thought about trying to do something for himself that was good, but since he was a terrible person it would be pretty much useless to do so.)

    The best option would be to try and pay back Karl in some kind of way ( _not like that he thinks you're disgusting and dirty and would never want you near him_ ). Maybe he could try and make a meal for him. That would be a good thing. It would do.

 

* * *

 

    Notes from Dr. Jericho Drumm:

    Patient's name: Stephen Strange

    Diagnosis: Major Depressive Disorder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

    Session notes:

    Stephen came in saying he was unable to complete the assignment I gave him in our last session. He says he tried to make a meal for his friend Karl, but after too many tries ending in food falling on the floor he ended his efforts. When asked about other things that he might have done, he says that the only other person he could do something for is his son, and that doesn't count.

    Talked a bit about seeing a car of the same make as one of his reoccurring clients. He does not think it was the same person, but the sight was enough to trigger past memories. Did not go into detail about what the memories were. It was implied that there may have been violence due to statements made about worrying about what shape he would be in after.

    Discussed how he had cared for his child all the years he did in spite of circumstances. Said that he was selfish in keeping his son because he could not provide a proper home for him, in addition to being involved in sex work. Noted that he still does not directly say what he did for work – likely to be still distancing himself from the job.

    Overall demeanor is still withdrawn and shut down. Stephen is frequently in tears, and does not remove his coat while in the office. Has yet to say anything positive about himself or something he has done.

    My overall impression is that there has been no improvement thus far in mood. If no improvement is seen within a few weeks then the medication regime will be reviewed.

 

* * *

 

    It was a few weeks into therapy when Stephen finally worked up the courage to share something without any prompting. He'd told Dr. Drumm about some of the things he had done with his connections, but there was never any reprimand given following the stories. Stephen was told that even if he felt bad about it, that it wasn't his fault. That couldn't be true, but nevertheless he said today “I'd like to tell you something I haven't told anyone before.”

    “Then I'm here to listen.”

    “It's about the first time something bad happened while I was working.” He swallowed. “Could you maybe... not look at me when I say it? It's stupid, I know, but I just can't...”

    “That's not a problem. Let me turn around.” Dr. Drumm moved his chair so that his back was now facing Stephen. “Is this okay?”

    It was easier to talk now that he could pretend no one was looking at him. Stephen still lowered his head and softly said “He was just a guy I met on the street. Normally I got people via phone calls, at least if they were regulars. This guy was new. 'So how much for some of your time?' he said to me. I gave him my rates, and then he told me 'Come on. I think you're worth fifty bucks.' I l-liked it better than I sometimes did, because I had an idea of what was going to happen. So he took me to his car, and when I got in there was someone else there. She was sitting up front, and looked over at him and said 'For me? Honey, you shouldn't have.'” It was funny to hear a term of endearment from a person who would do what they did. “I looked at her, and asked if she was the one I was supposed to be with. He laughed. 'Oh, no. You've got both of us.' Then I told him 'I didn't agree to this.'” The words felt so foolish in hindsight. “And then… he p-pointed a gun at me and said ‘Well, that’s what you’re doing now.’” Stephen’s breath was coming in short gasps, and he felt disconnected from his own body. He wondered if he would pass out. “I did get the money we talked about beforehand. It wasn’t as much as I could have gotten, because I was with both of them, but it was something. Good thing, too, because I couldn't work for a while afterwards. I was all shaky and had a tough time doing anything, even getting food for Donny. It was nearly a week before I could get back to working. And I only did so because Don was hungry. I’d have had a bit more money if I’d gotten my head on straight and got back in the saddle sooner. Just another time I failed my child.”

    Dr. Drumm didn’t turn around before speaking. “Was that the only time that you were sexually assaulted while working?”

    He hated hearing that term. He wasn’t the kind of person you could do something like that to. Even before he’d started in his field of work, Stephen could safely say he’d really gotten around. His only real inhibition had been that he wouldn’t sleep with anyone who was married or in a serious relationship (and he wouldn’t cheat if he was seriously involved with someone). In the broadest sense, he supposed that the times he had either had a weapon held to him or he’d been physically forced into performing some kind of sexual act might qualify, but Stephen knew he bore some of the blame himself. He thought about lying and saying yes, but he opted to go for the truth. “No, it wasn't.” Stephen suddenly felt like adding “The only person who knows that is Karl. Wong suspects, but I've never talked about something like that with him.” Wong was a good man, and shouldn't have to hear about the various ways Stephen had degraded himself as time went by. Karl also shouldn't have known, but he had asked the question and truth had seemed like the best option then.

    “It sounds like you trust Karl a great deal.”

    “Karl's wonderful. He always wanted to do things for me even before he found out I was homeless. Even after he learned what I was he still wanted me to come live with him.He bought me a Christmas present – the coat I've got. I didn't feel good about getting it at first, but after I wound up in the hospital it was easier. I don't like getting gifts all that much.”

    “Can you tell me why that's the case?”

    “Some of my connections would give me gifts sometimes. Usually it was because I'd done something I normally wasn't asked to do. The gifts felt dirty.” _Like me_ , Stephen mentally added on.

    “It says a great deal about what you think of Karl that you were able to accept a gift from him. He should feel honored about that.” Dr. Drumm clearly hadn't understood very well – there was nothing about Stephen that could make Karl feel honored.

    “Sometimes I think he's a better father for Donny than I ever could be. I wonder if I have a place in his life anymore.”

    “Children love their parents, in spite of any flaws they might have. Donny likely sees you as giving him all the important things in life.” Dr. Drumm turned his chair back to face Stephen. “I wanted to ask you a question: what do you think of Karl?”

    The question was unexpected. It also wasn't really one he wanted to answer. “Why are you asking me that?” He knew his emotions were written all over his face now. Maybe Dr. Drumm would laugh at how foolish Stephen was being.

    “You've talked about Karl quite a bit. And you live with him, so I'm assuming he's a close friend of yours. But you've never said he's your friend or indicated any emotions directed towards him at all. So I was trying to get some more information on your relationship.” Dr. Drumm looked to be somewhat embarrassed at having brought the issue up.

    Stephen shut his eyes. He didn't want to say it. “We aren't friends, really. I shouldn't be anyone's friend, especially since...” No, he couldn't voice it now.

    “Since what, Stephen?” He was staring at him with an intent look on his face.

    He swallowed and forced out “Since I think I'm in love with him.”

 

 


	17. Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen writes to Karl, Karl responds, and someone is watching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes the fallout from the admission.
> 
> Warnings: discussed rape/non-con.

    Stephen’s words weren’t that much of a surprise to Jericho. Judging by the way he had looked at Karl on past occasions, there clearly were feelings present that were different than friendship. The problem was now what to do about those feelings. It was a pretty safe bet that Stephen was not ready for things to go too far, even though he may think that he needed to in order to gain Karl’s affection. Trying to be careful, he said “You think you might be in love with Karl. How long have you felt this way?”

    “I’m not sure. It was even before I moved in with him. Just one day I was getting Donny from school, and I saw Karl with Astrid. And then I realized that I had feelings for him, but I knew there was no way they could go anywhere. Back then it was because he couldn’t find out how I lived. Now it’s because of me.” Stephen had drawn back into himself, trying to take up as little space as possible.

    “What would you say is the biggest obstacle in regards to you having any kind of relationship with him right now?” At least part of the answer was likely because of the way Stephen saw himself. Jericho had yet to hear Stephen say a single positive thing about anything he had done, and clearly he saw Karl as being an exemplary human being. If he really were such a bad person, why would someone who was so good want anything to do with him?

    “You’ve heard what I’m like, what I’ve done. Why would anyone want to be with someone like me?” He looked out the window. “And what if Karl did want to be with me? Then he’d want to…” He trailed off.

    Guessing what might be desired, Jericho said “Are you worried that Karl would want a sexual relationship with you?”

    A nod. “I can’t… The idea of doing anything makes me feel sick. I mean, I should – I sure didn’t have a problem doing anything with tons of other people, so shouldn’t I just get over myself and push on with someone I love?”

    Knowing it was important to be careful, he asked Stephen “How did you feel about doing something while you were working?”

    There was silence. Jericho could guess what the answer was.

    Now having a springboard to work with, he went on to say “If I'm taking this the right way, you didn't feel all that much different when you were performing sexual acts in order to survive. So I can't see Karl as feeling that upset that you don't want to go that far yet.”

    “But it's not about just not wanting to do anything yet. I can't imagine ever touching anyone like that ever again. I'm sure that he'll eventually want things to become physical. And I can't give that to him.” The despair in Stephen's voice was so clear Jericho could feel his own heart break.

    “You haven't talked about anything with him yet. So how can you know how he'll react?”

    “It doesn't matter. He'd never want anything to do with me anyway. I'm too rotten.”

    The same problem of Stephen seeing himself as having little to no value reared its head. It would likely be a long time before he was able to break out of that pattern. “Do you feel you could talk to Karl about the matter?”

    “No. I couldn't handle seeing him hate me once he learns how I feel. I wouldn't know what to do then.”

    “Here's an idea that's worked for quite a few people. Why don't you write a letter to him saying how you feel, instead of going and talking to Karl directly? If you want, you can say in the letter that he should write back a response so you don't have to talk about anything yet. That might make his answer easier to hear.”

    Stephen sat still, contemplating his options. “I can't write properly with my hands being the way they are.”

    “Do you have access to a computer or tablet where you could put something down on?”

    “I do.” He sighed. “I'll try. But what if Karl gets so angry after finding out he tells me to leave? What could I do then?”

    “Based on what I've heard about Karl thus far, I strongly doubt he will be upset even if he doesn't return your feelings. But if there are problems, I can look into finding you a place to stay with your son.” Stephen hadn't said anything about Donny being asked to leave with him in this scenario, which made Jericho think that Stephen thought his son would be able to stay without him. Given the improbability of this actually happening, it might be better to just ignore what lay between the lines here.

    “Fine. I'll send him something. Guess it was too much to hope I might have a friend now.”

    “Don't decide what Karl thinks or feels without hearing from him first. And remember, you can call me if you need help at any time.”

    Stephen prepared to leave, and said “I'm so selfish. Shouldn't I be happy with what I've got now?”

    “Being honest with people isn't a selfish thing. Good-bye, Stephen. I hope things go well for you.”

 

* * *

 

    It wasn't until late that night that Stephen was able to finally put a letter together.

    There were two challenges in the crafting of said letter: one was that while typing was slightly easier than writing, it still took a good deal of time to put words to paper. The second was not knowing how to put his feelings down. He tried out various phrases before discarding most of them, not feeling that they managed to convey what Stephen wanted to tell Karl. After hours of effort, he finally had something that he thought would suffice.

_Karl,_

_This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. I've chosen to give this to you instead of talking because I don't think I can handle what might happen. This is about a problem I'm having that involves you._

_Karl, I think that I might be in love with you. I hope that doesn't come as a huge shock to you. But ever since one day at school when I saw you, I knew that you were one of the most important people in my life, second to Donny. When you're happy, I feel glad for you. I love seeing how caring you are with Donny and Astrid, and I love all the work you do for those who have so little. You have one of the most handsome faces I've ever seen, and the time we hugged is one I'll never forget._

_I 'm pretty sure that you aren't going to be interested in me after all the things I've done. I understand – I wouldn't want to be with me either. The only thing I'm hoping for right now is that you can ignore this letter and we can go back to the way we've been so far. It's too much to think someone as good as you would ever have feelings for someone as bad as me. You've done so much for me thus far, and if I had a thousand years I don't think I would be able to pay you back._

_One last thing: I'd prefer if you would write a response back to me as opposed to talking about it. Not healthy, I know, but just putting this down is hard enough. And if you don't want me around any longer, then I'll go. But in that case please take care of Donny. I can't let him go back to life on the streets, no matter what._

_Sorry for any trouble I've caused by saying this._

_Stephen_

 

* * *

 

    Karl was just getting out of the shower when he saw the piece of paper on his bed. He picked it up, wondering what it could be. He ended up reading the letter several times, letting the words sink in.

    Two contradictory emotions were warring within him: on one hand, he was delighted beyond compare that Stephen had feelings for him. Karl had been aware of his own feelings towards him for some time now, but he'd been held back initially by Stephen's withdrawn nature and later on by not being certain how to deal with everything that had happened to him. Learning these feelings were returned made Karl want to dance with joy. But the second emotion in him was concern. Stephen's words had shown that he did not believe he was a worthy potential boyfriend for anyone. Karl wanted to take Stephen in his arms and tell him over and over that he was a good man, that he deserved to be loved. He was able to be somewhat realistic, and know that doing so wouldn't change Stephen's view of himself. He needed to know what to do next, how he could move forward without causing more pain to the man he loved.

    Before doing that, Karl was able to write out a quick response to Stephen.

_Stephen,_

_I can't describe how I felt when I got your letter. I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, and I'd like to take some time to compose a response that is worthy of what you were able to share with me. I'm proud of you for that – I know that it must have been difficult to put down your feelings for me to see._

_I do want to tell you one thing: nothing that you are afraid of is going to happen. I will not make you leave, and I'm not angry with you in the slightest. I promise I will have a longer letter in a day or two._

_Thank you for putting your trust in me._

_Karl_

    He had to wait until after dinner before he could begin. Sitting in his office, he dialed the number he'd only used once before.

    “Dr. Drumm's office.”

    “Hi, is this Dr. Drumm? This is Karl Mordo speaking.”

    There was a moment's pause. “Karl? You're the one who's Stephen's friend, right?”

    Feeling glad he didn't have to explain who he was, Karl went on to say “Yes, that's me. I'm calling now because I want to talk with you about Stephen.”

    “Ah. I guess he gave you the letter I suggested he write? How did it go?”

    “I wrote a very brief note back telling him I wasn't angry, and was proud of him for taking such a risk. I'm going to write something more later on, but I need to get some advice first. I'll tell you right now that I know I'm in love with him, and I'm happy beyond belief that he feels the same way. But I'm scared. I don't know what to do or how I can go about having a relationship with him. I want to help Stephen, but I'm afraid of hurting him more.”

    Dr. Drumm seemed to absorb Karl's concerns fairly well. “I can tell you that if you're looking for a relationship that's easy to fall into and doesn't come with baggage, then you're in for quite a shock. I'm pretty sure you don't think like that, or you wouldn't be calling me. But I do need to tell you, Karl: Stephen has been very badly hurt by people. There are things he's had to do that may horrify you. If he is able to share them with you, you need to be prepared for what you need to do.”

    Karl didn't know what he should say. “How should I react? Honestly, I know that hearing what he went through is going to make me angry. But I'm afraid that won't be good for him.”

    “Anger is a perfectly valid emotion to have under the circumstances. With Stephen's state of mind, he's likely going to feel you're angry with him as opposed to what happened. So one thing you can do is let him know where that anger you feel is directed.” He took a deep breath, and went on to say “Stephen says he told you he was sexually assaulted?”

    Hearing those words was like a dagger in Karl's heart. “Yes,” he said while holding back tears. “He did. Multiple times. I think maybe even more than the number he gave me.” The exact number he didn't share, feeling it was Stephen's decision to disclose it.

    “He was able to share one of those times with me, but no more than that. Stephen did say it wasn't the only time, but I doubt he feels able to share more than that. He's indicated that his clients were often abusive towards him, and he also feels their actions were justified because he's not a good person. You've known Stephen for a while now, and I think you have a good idea of how he sees himself. Giving him compliments isn't going to work well, because right now he's so caught-up in his own shame that he simply can't accept anything that challenges that belief.”

    Now that was something Karl could understand. “I've had my own issues with that. I can't really expect that I'll never say anything nice to Stephen, but would you say there's anything I should avoid?”

    “The challenge is going to be learning what things are triggers for him. Before, Stephen was entirely focused on getting through each day and providing for his child. He still felt some effects from what he was doing, but the full impact didn't sink in until he was in a safe place. You might see after-effects from processing what happened.”

    “I have already. One time at lunch Stephen ended up getting sick because the sandwich I made reminded him of a client. There have been times when he'll just stare off into space for a while. I never know what to do then.”

    “If Stephen stays like that for a lengthy period of time or shows distress, try getting an ice cube and touching his face with it. That's worked for people in the past.”

    “Another thing I'm worried about is what Stephen thinks of me. He's put me on a pretty high pedestal, and I don't know what will happen if he thinks I've fallen off it.”

    Dr. Drumm sighed. “One of Stephen's problems is that he sees other people as being better than he is just because they aren't him. I don't know how he might react to learning you aren't as perfect as he thinks, but there's a good chance he'll think he's to blame.”

    “There's also a more concrete problem I'm concerned about. Stephen bathes two or three times a day, and I know that's not good for him. Is there something I can do about that? I know why he does it, but it's not getting any better.” Karl knew that he couldn't hope to fix all of Stephen's problems with one conversation, but this was an issue that might be fixable in the here and now.

    “The bathing issue is a problem for two reasons. First of all, it's not good for your skin to wash so much. Even more important than that is the mental aspect: it's a self-reinforcing behavior."

    “Self-reinforcing? What do you mean by that?”

    “Each time Stephen bathes, it makes it easier to do it again. He bathes because he feels dirty, and thinks that by washing himself he'll feel clean again. But why do people bathe? Because they need to get clean. So each time Stephen bathes, it sends the message that he must be dirty, because if he weren't he wouldn't need to get clean. And that makes him more likely to want to bathe, which starts the cycle again.”

    “So what should I do about it?”

    “If he tries to take more than one shower a day, talk to him. Say he's clean enough, and ask if there's something in particular that's bothering him. Encourage him to share if he says that's the case. If Stephen ends up doing it anyway, remind him you're willing to listen whenever he needs help.”

    Karl had been worried that by trying to pursue a relationship with Stephen he might end up causing him irreversible harm. But Dr. Drumm seemed to think that things could work out as long as he was aware of what problems he might be facing. “Thank you. You've made me feel a lot better about moving forward with this.”

    “I'm glad I was able to help you out. Oh. And, Karl?”

    “Yes?” He wondered what else needed to be said.

    “I think you are a very lucky man to have someone like Stephen in your life.”

    Karl felt touched by those simple words. Most people would have told him that Stephen was lucky to have him in his life, but Karl knew that he was the one who should be counting his blessings for getting to meet someone like him. “I know that I am. Goodbye.” He ended the call, and started to work on his own letter.

_Stephen,_

_I don't know if you've figured out what I'm going to say yet, but here it is. I was so happy to see you say you thought you loved me, because I've been feeling that way for quite some time now. I didn't want to act on my feelings because I didn't see you as being able to accept them. This shouldn't be taken as a problem with you, but more to the fact I felt you would see yourself as not being worthy of my affections._

_It breaks my heart when I see you say that the best you can hope for is for everything to go on like nothing was ever said. I wish you could see how wonderful you are in my eyes, but that is something beyond my ability to do. I hope you have no objections to me telling you this on a regular basis from now on. And I will tell you now that I love how well you take care of Donny, even when everything was against you. I love how you show affection for Astrid even when you are in your lowest moments, and I love the times you display your knowledge of so many different topics. I even look at your scars as being a gift: without your accident I never would have met you. Selfish, I know, but love can be that way at times._

_Stephen, I know that you've done things you aren't proud of while you were living on the streets. Please know that I hold none of that against you, and wish that there was some way I could have spared you all the pain you endured. Your past work means nothing to what we are today._

_I'm going to leave this note for you, but I would like to talk with you after you've finished reading it. If that's still too much of a challenge for you, then you can just write me back. At some point I know we will have to speak face-to-face, but that can wait until you are able to do it._

_Until then, know I am thinking of you._

_Karl_

 

* * *

 

    The next day, after dropping off the children at school, was when Karl and Stephen were finally able to talk about what they had said in their letters. Karl was the first to break the silence, saying, “Do you want some coffee?”

    Stephen shook his head. His overall posture was guarded, but he was looking in Karl's direction.

    “Then I'll speak first: I'm pretty sure that I'm in love with you, Stephen, and finding out you feel the same way is something that makes me happier than I ever could imagine. I want to work on having a relationship with you, but I need to know what you think.”

    Stephen spoke in a quiet voice. “Karl, I don't know if I can do this.”

    Karl felt dejected upon hearing those words. Trying his best to keep himself neutral, he said “Is it because you don't want to be with me, or because you do?”

    “The latter. I need to say this now: I can't give you what you want. I can't give you a normal relationship. Even if I could give you everything you deserve, I still would feel guilty that someone like me is involved with someone as good as you.”

    Karl wanted to tell Stephen how wrong he was. He was wonderful and perfect for him, and nothing could change that. The best course of action here was not to try and change Stephen's mind but to say “What makes you so bad for me?”

    “I'm selfish. I use people. And that's not even taking into account what I've done while working.” Stephen's voice was becoming louder. “Do you know how many people I've been with, Karl? Hundreds. I slept around even before I was a whore. Once I had sex with three different people in one night, back when I was still a surgeon. I'm arrogant, foolish, and I cause people pain. You're a good man, Karl. You shouldn't have to be tainted by me.” Stephen slumped down, and Karl thought he may have been crying. “See, look at me now. I'm trying to get you to feel sorry for me.”

    The number of sex partners Stephen had had did surprise Karl at first, but thinking about it it made sense. If he had four clients a week before Donny began school, that meant over a hundred assuming no repeat customers. Even if half of the people seeing him were ones who had come before, the numbers would quickly add up over the years. “When you say you had sex with three people in one night, were you in a relationship at the time? And did they know they weren't your only partners?”

    “No. I never could sustain any kind of relationship with anyone. And well, everyone was hooking up with everyone at the party it happen at, so I guess they may have known, but I never told them outright.”

    “If you weren't cheating on anyone and you were honest with the people you were with, I don't see why it should be a big deal.” Karl hoped he could bring some peace to Stephen with his acceptance of the past.

    “That's not all of it. The worst part is that I can't ever see myself doing anything with you or anyone else ever again. The thought of someone touching me makes me feel sick. I know you, Karl. I know what you would want in a relationship. How must you feel knowing I did all kinds of things with hundreds of other people but can't even think about you touching me in an intimate way?” Stephen seemed to be so distraught over his dilemma that Karl wanted to cry himself.

    “Stephen, can you listen to me?” A nod of agreement. “I'll be honest with you: I would very much like to have a sexual relationship with you. I would enjoy that very much. But you are afraid of that. There's too many memories caught up in the act, and I'm guessing a lot of them are bad ones.” He made sure to keep his eyes focused on Stephen as he spoke. “No matter how much I enjoyed being with you in that way, if you were uncomfortable or afraid I would hate myself for doing that.”

    Stephen got up and began to pace around. “But that’s not good for you. Any relationship should involve some degree of give and take. If you want sex, then I need to give in on occasion so that it’s not a one-sided affair. And if you’re thinking that this is something that one day will change, you need to know that that’s wrong. I can’t ever imagine wanting to touch you like that ever. Going into this expecting you’ll be happy to remain celibate for the rest of your life because I’ve gone out and whored myself out is unfair to you and your desires, Karl.”

    Karl decided to be more firm on his stance on the issue. “Stephen, if I made you do something you really didn’t want to do, I would be a rapist. I won’t let myself do anything like that. I’m more than capable of taking care of my own needs, even if you can’t touch me.”

    The effect was profound. Stephen looked like he’d been slapped. His shoulders slumped, and he said “I’m sorry. I should have known better. I never meant to imply… It wouldn’t be like that with me. Nothing you would do would be something I haven’t done before, I promise.”

    The words were heartbreaking. Stephen saw himself as having so little value that he felt it would be fine if someone in a relationship with him forced him to have sex with them because it would be selfish to refuse them. It made the damage that had been done by the people who’d used him crystal clear. Karl reacted by saying “I didn’t think you were saying that I was someone like that. What I wanted to say was that there are some things in which compromise isn’t possible, and while I might not be entirely in favor of not being intimate, even if I’m not it won’t cause me any real harm. Pushing you into something when you don’t want to would end up hurting you.”

    While Stephen still appeared to be shut down, he also looked willing to listen. “I just don't want to be selfish anymore. I don't know if I can change that part of me. I've tried, but I don't know if I've been able to succeed. Maybe I never will. Is that really the kind of person you want a relationship with?”

    “Well, I'd like to try to have something with you. We can start slowly. How about we have dinner together next week? It gives us a place to start from, and let's go from there.”

    The silence that followed wasn't nearly as long as might have been expected. “Okay. But I don't think I have anything that would be nice enough for dinner.”

    “I can buy you some new clothes. That shouldn't be a problem at all.”

    “I feel so guilty when you do something for me. Haven't I gotten enough from you already?”

    Karl gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “I never have any problem helping out people. You deserve far more than you have, Stephen. I hope you can realize that some day.”

    Stephen looked down. “Can I hug you?”

    Karl reached out his arms. “Of course you can.”

    The embrace this time was different than the one following Thanksgiving dinner. Karl felt like he could hold Stephen forever, and Stephen was less stiff than he had been then. He was careful to keep his hands away from any areas he thought might be fraught with risks, and just listened to the sound of Stephen's breath.

    Stephen had put his head on Karl's shoulder, and he could feel the traces of tears on his cheeks. “I don't know why I've been crying so much lately. I feel like everything is making me sad now.”

    “It could be just because you haven't been able to cry until now. Or it could be that you're just starting to feel some of the things that have happened to you.” Karl loosened his grasp of the other man. “Tonight I'm going to look into places we can go eat. Nothing too fancy, but nice enough.” He was rewarded with one of Stephen's rare smiles.

    “I hope I can be a good date for you.” It was as close as he could get to any form of positivity. Karl saw it as enough for now.

    Both of them went off to do whatever it was they wanted. Karl had initially planned to go to his office for a while, but after their conversation he wandered into his bedroom.

    He rummaged through the dresser, looking for something he'd never thought he'd see again after the giver had betrayed him. It was a none-too-fancy watch, with a simple inscription on the back. _Time will tell how much I love you._ Kaecilius had given him the watch after their second date, and Karl could still remember how touched he had felt by it. Learning the man he had considered spending his life with had been cheating on him had stung to the point he no longer could tolerate wearing the watch.

    Now things were different. He hoped that he would be able to give the watch as a gift to Stephen some day, and that this time the sentiment would be fully returned. For now, he would start to plan for their date next week.

 

* * *

 

    The gray car that was parked near the Mordo home had been there off and on for about a week now. The driver hadn't been sure what or who he was looking for at first, but when he'd seen the two men leaving with their children he'd suspected he had his target.

    Surveillance of this sort wasn't all that common for an investigator, despite popular belief. It took too much time away from other cases one could work on. But his client was apparently extremely weathy, judging by her clothing and the sums of money she promised.

    The last time he'd spoken with her was to confirm that Karl Mordo was the one he was to be watching. With the object of his investigation confirmed, the job now was to gather more evidence. Who was the man that was living with the target now, and what was their relationship? What had Karl Mordo done to warrant such scrutiny? And what would be done with the information he was gathering?

    He shrugged. A job was a job, and he was getting paid real good for this one. Unless he was asked to break the law, who cared?

    And as Karl made plans for dinner, he had no way of knowing what would erupt from one observer.

 


	18. A Fateful Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen and Karl go out to dinner, but an observer could change everything.

    The library were Wong worked was one of the few public places Stephen could say he felt completely safe in. In most other locations, he was afraid of meeting someone from any prior stage of his life. But there was a particular serenity in the library's walls, and it gave him a sense of strength as he looked for his friend.

    “Stephen! It's good to see you. You're looking a lot better. How are Donny and Karl doing?” Wong had learned of Stephen's new address shortly after his release from the hospital. His reaction had been “Thank God.” Stephen had always known how much Wong worried about him, and even though the worry wasn't necessary ( _he wasn't someone you should worry about_ ) causing that kind of concern wasn't something Stephen wanted to do.

    “Donny's doing great. He's calling Karl by his first name now. Astrid's doing the same for me. As for Karl, that's the reason I'm here.”

    Wong put down the books in his arms. “Is there some kind of problem here, or do you just need advice? I'm almost getting off for lunch, so if you'd like we can go get something and talk.”

    “That's fine.” Stephen wasn't sure he wanted to go out for food, but it would make talking about Karl easier.

    Wong's choice for lunch was a pizza place, and as their slices were served he said “Okay. So what's going on with Karl?”

    Stephen began to pay attention to his food. “I told him something I'd been thinking about for a while.” He waited a moment before saying what it actually was. “I told him that I'm in love with him.”

    The smile that came over Wong's face could have lit up the whole room. “You did? That's wonderful! I'm thinking he was receptive?”

    “We're going out to dinner next week. But I'm afraid.”

    “Are you afraid of the date itself, or of what Karl might do?”

    “Both. I don't know what might happen during dinner, if something will set me off or I'll see someone I used to know. And what if Karl get upset with me because I won't let him touch me? At least not in the way I should.”

    Wong took a bite of his pizza before answering. “Stephen, I know Karl fairly well now. When you were sick he came to see me and tell me what was going on. Mind you, he didn't even know which library I work at. So he had to go searching through all the branches in order to let me know that you were safe. That tells me about his priorities. I doubt that Karl's going to be mad because you're not putting out after the first date.”

    “If it was only the first date it would be one thing. But I don't think I'll ever be able to do anything with him, no matter how long we go out. Karl's the type of person who deserves someone who can give him everything in a relationship, not a used former whore.” It hurt to admit something like that. Stephen wondered if Karl would figure out soon enough that he could do so much better than what he had.

    “I can understand why you might not be able to be intimate with him. I'm sure if I'd been through the things you have I'd want to stay away from sex myself.” Wong shouldn't have to do any of the things Stephen had done. He was a good man, and Stephen was not. “Once again, I can safely say that Karl doesn't seem like he's the type who's going to demand that you meet all of his needs or else. And let's just say that that's how things work out, and he feels that there's a physical component to a successful relationship. It still doesn't mean that you can't have a good dinner with him.”

    “I guess. But what about some of the things that bother me? How can I tell Karl that he can't dress in a certain way because it reminds me of how things were before? Won't it sound too demanding?”

    “That would depend on why you're asking him to do it. Just explain things, and then see how it goes.” Wong seemed to be so confident that Karl would be understanding. Stephen wished he could have that same confidence.

    He looked at his mostly uneaten food. “I wish I could feel the same way you do.”

   Wong placed his hand on Stephen's arm. “I wish you could feel that way, too. If all else fails, I can tell Karl that I'll get him if he ends up hurting you in any way.”

    The mental image of Wong trying to intimidate Karl made Stephen smile a bit. His friend wasn't the type one would call physically imposing at first glance, but from experience in seeing him deal with unruly patrons made Stephen know that his threats weren't idle. “I don't think it will come to that.”

    “That's what friends are for.”

    “There was one other reason I wanted to talk to you today. Would you be interested in looking after Astrid and Donny when Karl and I go out? You can say no, but I thought you might want to.” He waited for the expected refusal.

    “Sounds like a plan to me. Just let me know a few days beforehand, and I'll be there. I'm really happy for you, Stephen. I hope things are finally getting better for you now.”

    Stephen paid for lunch, having been given some money by Karl. It was another thing that made him want to give the other man everything he was able to give, but could not grant. Walking towards home, he hoped that their dinner wouldn't end too badly. If he was lucky, then nothing would change between them.

 

* * *

 

    Karl was waiting for Stephen to finish dressing for dinner. He had purchased a new outfit so that Stephen would not have to wear his usual sweatpants or track pants for the night out. The restaurant he'd chosen wasn't the fanciest one around, but Karl knew that people might give him some strange looks if he showed up dressed as he normally did.

    The new clothes consisted of a red shirt that looked to be a button-down type but was made so that someone who had mobility impairments could easily get in and out of it, a pair of black pants in a similar style, and some boxers. While he'd openly presented Stephen with most of the clothes, the last part Karl had just left in his room without any fanfare. He doubted that it would be something that would be comfortable, and so simply saying nothing was the best course of action.

    His own outfit was a purple shirt with gray pants, as well as a tie with gray and purple stripes. Stephen had asked him after going to see Wong “What are you wearing for dinner?”

    Karl hadn't expected to be asked that. “Normally if I go out to a somewhat more upscale place I wear a shirt and tie. Is that a problem?” Dr. Drumm's words about things setting him off seemed to be lingering in his mind.

   Stephen looked away, and said “That's fine. But, is it alright if I ask you to do something?”

    “Of course it's fine. What would you like?” He hoped that the request wasn't going to be something that would be hard to grant.

    “First of all, can you not wear a suit jacket that night? I used to know someone who always wore suits, and seeing you in one would be...” He trailed off, but Karl got the message loud and clear.

    “That's okay. No suits. What else would you like?”

    “I'm okay with you wearing a tie, but if you do please don't loosen it or take it off. I've had some experiences with ties, and it makes me feel not so good.” Stephen seemed embarrassed by his request. Karl felt a flash of anger at what must have happened to turn two common items into sources of fear for Stephen. He hoped he never ran into whomever had worn the suits that now served as triggers for the man he loved.

    “Karl? I’m ready now.” It felt like he was seeing Stephen for the first time. While he had yet to gain all the weight the doctors had wanted him to, he had filled out to a good extent. Seeing him in a more formal outfit than he had worn before reminded Karl of how good-looking Stephen truly was.

    “You look great. I want to say goodbye to the kids, and then we can leave.”

    Astrid and Donny were eating their own dinner with Wong. Astrid looked over at her father and Stephen, and asked “Do you know when you’ll be home?”

    “Most likely after you’re in bed. So be good for Wong while we’re gone.” Karl knew his daughter usually behaved when he had to go out, but Wong was a new person in her life. It wouldn’t be a surprise if she tested his limits.

   “I’ve never seen you go out for dinner, Daddy. I hope you and Karl have a good time.”

    “I’m going to try, Don.” Stephen didn’t look to have that much confidence in things going well. Hopefully tonight would change that outlook to some degree.

    As they were getting into the car, Karl informed Stephen about what the night would entail. “The place I’ve chosen is a Thai restaurant. I’ve gone there before, alone and with others.” He didn’t say that those others had been people he’d dated. Stephen could most likely figure it out, and it was irrelevant to right now. “I asked them to give us a table in the back. That might be a little easier to handle.”

    Stephen nodded and looked at his hands. He’d told Karl about how he felt afraid in public places, because at any time he could meet a former client. “I've had Thai before. Not much, because I used to work so much it didn't give me time for anything else.” He paused a moment. “Dr. Drumm wants to increase my medication, but he says it's up to me if I want to try it.” He didn't appear to be asking Karl directly about what he should do. Instead, it was merely being put forward as an opening for him to voice his thoughts if he chose.

    “I can understand why you might feel uncertain about that. It's funny, how taking medicine for any number of health problems is seen as being okay, but if the problems are with your mind then it's treated like a shameful secret. I occasionally took something for anxiety during my college years, but I'd like to hope that I'd just see it as a necessity if I'd needed the medicine for longer than that.” Sharing personal things with Stephen always felt so easy to do. He never judged him, although Karl wished that he would display some kind of disapproval of something he'd done. No one could be perfect all the time, and the words about how Stephen saw him as so much better just by not being him served as a reminder of how daunting the task of having a relationship with him would be. But Karl had never known himself to back down from a challenge.

    “The biggest problem is that I can't see pills as being enough to fix me. There's nothing you can do to fix being a self-centered asshole.”

    “Stephen, I can safely say the entire time I've known you you've never seemed that way to me. Maybe the medicine can help you realize that might not be the case.”

    Stephen appeared to have no response to that, and was quiet the rest of the drive to the restaurant.

    Getting out of the car, Karl noticed that Stephen was wearing Astrid's gloves. It wasn't really cold enough for them to be needed, so he suspected it had to do with the state of his hands. Karl had just accepted the scars that marred his hands as being one of the things that made Stephen unique, but not everyone would see it that way. He wondered if his clients had said anything about them. If the answer was yes, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what had been said.

    Extending his hand towards Stephen, he asked “Shall we go in?”

    Stephen took Karl's hand in one of his own. The constant tremors that ran through his hands were clear as their fingers interlaced, and with a feeling of accomplishment they made their way inside.

 

* * *

 

    Stephen could tell from when he first walked in that this was a much more upscale place than he had eaten at ever since he'd gotten hurt. It wasn't at the level where if you weren't taking in at least seven figures a year you'd have no hope of getting through the door, but it looked to be both nice and fairly popular.

    Karl went to the host and said “Reservation for two, under the name Mordo.”

    “Yes, it's right here. Come with me.” They followed the man to the back of the restaurant. Stephen could see quite a few tables that were occupied, but none of the faces were familiar to him. He wondered what it would be like if he ran into someone from his days in medicine. Since he no longer looked as ragged as he had before moving in with Karl, how far he had truly fallen wouldn't be clear at first sight. “Your server will be with you shortly. Let them know if you need anything.”

    They were alone now, in a manner of speaking. Stephen had felt for a long time unsafe whenever he was alone with someone, especially in a private location. Things were always worse if no one was there to hear you. But being with Karl almost felt safe. He still held himself on guard for anything that might happen, but the overwhelming fear that came with others was absent for once.

    Karl asked him “Is there anything you'd like to drink?”

    “Ginger ale, if they have it.” Stephen wasn't really much for alcohol, a lingering trait from his medical days. There was no way you could go and operate on someone if you'd had a bit too much to drink, so it was better to go without. Besides, the taste had never really appealed to him.

    “That's fine.” The waitress came by, took their drink orders, and left them with some menus. Stephen felt uncomfortable with the silence that came after, but he didn't know what to say to break it. A man was brought to a table near theirs, and pulled out a pad of paper. He wondered if he was writing a review of the place.

    Finally coming up with something that felt right to say, he told Karl “I still don't really understand why you wanted to take me out tonight.”

    Karl smiled. “I like spending time with you. You're intelligent, you have an endearing personality, and I think you're good-looking. So why not go out with you?”

    Stephen wished he hadn't said the last bit. His own appearance was a touchy subject. He'd heard enough about how he was attractive from other people over the years. _Hey good lookin'. Come here, you handsome slut. You're beautiful on your knees. Don't want to have to hurt that pretty face of yours._ He knew that Karl would stop saying such things if he asked, but Stephen felt bad enough having to tell him what he could and couldn't wear during their night out. Making too many demands was a sign of selfishness, and Stephen was determined to avoid being such anymore. (If he could.)

    He hadn't made his expression as neutral as he'd hoped, because Karl frowned and said “I'm sorry, did I say the wrong thing? I didn't want to upset you.”

    “Don't worry about it. Say whatever you want to say.” It wasn't fair, making Karl do all these things because he might panic over them.

    “Technically you could tell me that all of my remaining family members are murderers and won't see me again. But you wouldn't, because even though it may be true you don't want to hurt me by saying it. If I say something that causes you pain, Stephen, I want to know I did it.”

    “I keep telling myself that it's only fair. I caused a lot of hurt to people in the past, and now it's my turn.” Karl looked to be upset at hearing that, so Stephen tried to change the subject. “What do you normally get here?”

    It didn't work. “You can't go through life thinking of pain as a zero-sum game. When you think about how you hurt people in the past, the best thing is to try and do good in order to make up for it, not expecting to be hurt because of it.”

    Every word from Karl made him realize how unworthy he was of the man's affection. “Karl, you don't understand. You're so good. You would never end up in the same place I was. And the only reason I was there was due to being a terrible person. Look at the differences between us. You have a child with one of your close friends. My son was born because I ended up sleeping with someone to get some pleasure out of life. If you were hurt, there would be people who would be willing to step up to the plate in helping you. I was alone, since most people thought I got what was coming to me. Everywhere I'm wrong, you're right. That's a big reason I don't understand why you want to even just go out with me. What could I possibly offer you?”

    Karl seemed to gather his thoughts together before he responded. “I could also point out that while I had all of the money and resources in the world when I became a father, you had nothing. But you never gave up on Donny. In fact, no one would have realized how bad things were for the both of you since you managed to provide for him so well. You kept him from knowing what you did, and never resorted to drugs even when I bet it felt like a good way of dealing with the pain.” Stephen was surprised that Karl knew that he'd felt that way. He looked over towards the man who was still taking notes down, not liking being exposed in that way. “Donny even told me that you moved out of the house you were in because there were too many drug users there. He didn't really say it outright, but he said that there were needles around and you tried to pick them up. And while you may not like hearing this, I looked up some of the things you did as a surgeon. You saved a lot of people's lives, not to mention their minds. And some of the methods you developed are going to keep helping people even after you've left the medical field. Yes, you did seem to be an ass back then, but your body of work was stellar. How many people are spending time with their families today because of you?”

    Stephen normally tried not to think about any good he might have done as a doctor. It only served to remind him that he was selfish at heart. There were a good deal of others who were just as skilled as he was but didn't alienate everyone around them. In the past he had taken a huge amount of pride in what he was able to accomplish professionally, but he'd never had any compassion for those he was helping. “Let me tell you that I never cared about who I was helping. I only cared about being the very best there was. So don't get any ideas about me helping people via my career. That's not what I was.”

    “So you never cared if something happened to a patient of yours?”

    A memory hit Stephen. It was early on in his surgical days, and he'd fought with another doctor over how best to treat a patient with an intercranial aneurysm. Stephen had thought the situation was bad enough to take them into surgery right away. The other had disagreed, pointing out the rather small size of the aneurysm which meant the risks of rupture were low. Stephen hadn’t liked the way it had looked in the images, and felt that the patient would be in danger if they waited, even with the risks of surgery.

    In the end, Stephen had been proven right, but it came tragically. A few days after the patient had gone home, the aneurysm ruptured. The woman never regained consciousness and died a week after. From that day forward, Stephen had typically gone with his instinct when a similar situation came up. The other doctors didn’t like how he would run over them to do what he thought was best, but he’d always been able to point to the results he obtained.

    “Early on, I wanted to be more proactive in terms of treating a patient, but a doctor who was more experienced thought it would do more harm than good. I was right, which we only found out after she died. If we’d operated, there was a good chance she would have turned out fine. So I always tried to make sure after that I got my way in regards to medical decisions. Sums me up pretty well – even in something that should have made me more humble made me more of an ass.”

    At this time, their menus were brought out. The conversation was halted as both men looked them over. Karl said to Stephen “You asked earlier what I liked to get here. My favorite dish is the khao soi kai. It’s got egg noodles, boiled and fried, in a soup with chicken. I’m going to get that today.”

    “I think I’ll have that too.” The orders were placed, and Stephen resumed what he had been saying to Karl. “You may think you want to have a relationship with me, but I guarantee that would change if you heard some of the things I’ve done.”

    “I don’t think that I’m going to decide I don’t want to be around you any time soon, but if you’re so convinced that I’ll leave you, then you tell me something you think I’ll be shocked by. Nothing too extreme, but what might be something you regret.”

    Stephen didn’t know what to say. His first thought was to tell Karl about the woods, but that would certainly be too much to handle. He settled for generalities. “You want to hear about all the different stuff I’ve had stuck inside me? Mostly things you shouldn’t be doing that with. I got afraid sometimes whatever it was wouldn’t come out. I remember that one of the people doing it said if it did then I should go to the ER and tell them everything. Talked about how they’d laugh at me later.” He turned towards the man who was writing, trying not to meet anyone’s eyes. “You know what the worst bit was? I enjoyed it most of the time.” The comments that had been made to him had reminded him of how disgusting he was. _You get off on this? Filthy whore._ His face turned red in shame. “I've had sex in alleyways, cars, public bathrooms, cheap motels, parks, and sometimes people's homes. I'm filthy, and I know you'll figure that out eventually.”

     “Stephen, you know it's normal to have a physical response to certain stimuli. It doesn't mean that you enjoyed doing it.”

    “I did enjoy it.” Doing something like that typically made him feel sick, but deep down he knew he liked it. After all, why would he keep going back to the ones who did such things otherwise? Stephen had experimented with a variety of different acts before becoming homeless, so how different was it just because he was being paid for it?

    He turned his eyes towards Karl. He could see the traces of tears in his eyes as he said “If you really enjoyed it, then you wouldn't think I'd want to leave you after hearing it. I'd expect then you might be embarrassed, or just to think of it as not a big deal. And I can tell you that learning this hasn't changed my views about you in any way. I still love you a great deal.”

    Stephen felt a mix of emotions. He wanted to scream “I'm rotten! I've done so many bad things, and there's no making amends for them! Can't you see that?” Another part of him wanted to go over to Karl and ask him to hold him and never let go, while keeping his hands far away from his face or anywhere below the ribs. All he said was “I don't deserve you.”

    “Believe it or not, I feel the same way about you. Maybe we can find ways to deserve the other together.”

    The food arrived, and Stephen enjoyed the new dish before him. Since he'd started taking medication, his appetite had increased but remained below what it had been in the past. Karl smiled at the sight of him eating, seeming to be pleased that he liked the food. The smile made him feel warm inside.

    He hoped the feeling would last for a while.

 

* * *

 

    All and all, Karl thought that dinner had gone fairly well. Both of them had enjoyed their meals, there were no major upsets, and he thought Stephen had been pleased to see him happy. The parts that he wished had gone differently were all about how Stephen saw himself. His heart had sunk when Stephen had spoken to some degree about the things he was made to do, as well as how he had responded physically to them. He'd claimed that he enjoyed it, but Karl had noticed his face turn red and the shame in his eyes.

    Now they were headed back, and he wished there was more he could do to help. If what he'd heard tonight was normal for what Stephen's clients expected him to do, it was pretty obvious why so many things might serve as triggers for him. Karl made plans to look up how to cope with PTSD, because if Stephen didn't have some degree of it he would be very surprised.

    Turning to look at the passenger seat, he said “I had a good time tonight.” Following their meals, they'd talked about their children, the books they were reading, Karl's charity work, and the most recent advances in neurology. The later hadn't been easy to follow, because the terms that Stephen used so freely weren't ones the average person would know off the top of their head. But Stephen took the time to explain what a term or concept was if Karl asked him about it. In spite of how his life had been for so many years, he had clearly kept up with what was happening in his field.

    “I – I liked it too.” Praise was still obviously not something he was used to. Karl vowed he would try to find some small thing to compliment Stephen on every day until accepting kind words grew easier.

    They were now standing by the entrance to the building. Karl wondered what his next course of action should be. With anyone else, depending on how he felt about them, he might ask them to come up for coffee with him. If things escalated from there, he took a level of confidence from having been told that he was good at pleasing his partners, male and female. But he knew that with Stephen that wouldn't be an option. The idea of doing anything to hurt the other man was so abhorrent to him, he felt guilty for even thinking about how things could be. Stephen would undoubtedly allow Karl to do whatever he wished with him, no matter what his own desires might be. For that reason, Karl could not entertain the idea of going too far.

    There was one thing he thought might be okay. “Stephen? Would it be alright if I gave you a kiss?” Regardless of what the answer turned out to be, he would stop if even the slightest degree of discomfort was displayed.

    He thought about it for a while. “I think it's okay. But don't put your hands on my face, or too far below the shoulders. And if you can, don't use your tongue.”

    The restrictions struck Karl as being pretty fair. He placed his hands on Stephen's shoulders, and brought their lips together.

    While Karl had been afraid of how it would turn out, things didn’t end up being all that bad. Stephen leaned into the kiss, and he didn’t show any signs of panicking or shutting down. He also didn’t appear to be too enthusiastic about kissing Karl, but when he took into account how difficult any form of physical contact was for Stephen it was a good sign.

    As they moved away from each other, Stephen commented “I can’t even remember the last time I did that was. It’s been so long…” He trailed off.

    Karl asked “Do you think we could do this again sometime? The date, I mean, not the kiss.” Now it was his turn to feel awkward.

    “I think so. I don’t know when, though.” Stephen tilted his head down, clearly just as uncomfortable as Karl was feeling.

    “We can plan for a good time to do it soon.” He had to add in one last thing before they went inside. “Stephen, I want you to know that even with the things you told me tonight I still think you’re a wonderful person and someone I would be proud to know no matter what. I hope that one day you can figure that out as well.”

    There was no reaction from Stephen. He guessed his words were too much for him to handle right now.

    “Shall we go inside?” Karl extended his hand towards Stephen. There was some hesitation before he reached his hand out. Holding hands, they entered the building and headed upstairs.

    Wong was waiting for them by the door. “I hope you had a fun time out.”

    Stephen answered first. “I think we did. How was everything here?”

    “Donny and Astrid were good. We did a puzzle together, and Astrid showed me some of your books. I think she thought that since I work in a library it was something I needed to know. They went to bed at a reasonable hour, and I watched a little television.” Karl was glad that Wong had had a good night as well. He’d been a little worried about having a friend look after the children as opposed to the normal babysitters he got for Astrid.

    “Well, let me give you something for your time.” Karl pulled out some money from his wallet.

    Wong seemed surprised by the amount of cash he was given. “Karl, I think this might be a little too much for one evening.”

   “It’s about what I normally give someone I hire to look after Astrid. If anything, I should give you more because you had to take care of two children instead of one.”

    Wong shrugged. “I guess if you want to give me this much, then I’d be an idiot for refusing. I’ll see you later, Stephen.” With his farewell to his friend, Wong left for the night.

    Stephen went to his own room shortly thereafter. Karl did the same, stopping at his dresser, hoping that soon he could give Stephen the watch as a token of his affection. And he could guarantee that this time it wouldn’t be betrayed.

 

* * *

 

    The investigator arrived later that same night to the hotel where his client was staying. He’d learned quite a bit about the stranger living with his target, and now it was time to report his findings.

    The room was impressively opulent, and served as yet another reminder of how much money his client had. Like before, she was dressed in a fashionable outfit, with a necklace and several bracelets that were adorned with real gemstones. “Tell me what you know.” Her words were curt and to the point.

    “The man who has been living with Karl Mordo is named Stephen Strange. He was a surgeon before an accident damaged his hands. He hasn’t left much of a trace of his presence for the last seven years or so, but he has a son. Tonight I observed them on an apparent date. They talked quite a bit, but I couldn’t tell what they were saying. There wasn’t much open affection, but the looks on both their faces spoke volumes.”

    And as the words were spoken, Sara Krowler’s face erupted in an enormous smile. “Thank you. I believe this is _exactly_ what I needed to know.”

 

 


	19. A Fight Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sara Krowler meets someone who will help her fufill her plans, and learns a truth that will help her agenda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we're getting into the real meat of the story. I hope it meets expectations.
> 
> Writing the first parts was weirdly disturbing, because I've never really gone into the head of someone like this.

    Appearances are everything.

    This was one of the first lessons Sara Krowler could remember being taught by her parents. It was always best to look your finest, to carry yourself with dignity, and to make those around you see you as trustworthy. “Then, no matter what you are going to do, you will be able to do it.” Her mother had drilled the lessons into her head up until the day she died. And Sara looked on them as having made her a better person.

    Her mother had also taught her how to ignore what people said about her. The overall shock that had come from the Viscount Krowler marrying a woman from Africa had been a major surprise back then. “Just ignore them. Your father will handle it.” She smiled at the memories of how they had gone to ruin in various ways. That was something her father had taught her. “Take note of what people do to you. Then when they least expect it, strike!”

    These thoughts always made her think of her foolish, dead husband. It had been a simple task to get Nikolai to fall for her, and shortly after their wedding she was pregnant with Karl. Her plans for her son's life had been disrupted from the start. Nikolai was always trying to be with him when he cried, even though she had said again and again that as long as he was fed and changed there was no need to give in to his demands. Her parents had told her they raised her this way, and Sara was stronger for it. But Karl... it was so hard to keep him like she wished. His father had coddled him, always letting him do what he wished as opposed to what was expected and proper.

    Not that Nikolai Mordo had been a beacon of proprietary during his life. Sara thought of that as being a curse from his own father. The man had fallen for a gypsy woman, and even though they never married he provided for her her entire life. And as an adult, he maintained a relationship with the woman's daughter, at one point telling Karl to call her aunt. She'd put a stop to that quickly.

    Well, just a few months before she finally became a widow, Lilia Morgu lost her husband in an act of violence. The authorities had investigated, but after a short time said that because his wallet was gone that was the reason he'd been killed, and with no witnesses or suspects they simply closed the case.

    (She wondered if the men who'd ambushed him were still living abroad, or if they'd felt safe returning to Romania. They'd gotten enough money prior to the killing to sustain themselves for a while, so they could still be elsewhere.)

    After she was finally free of her husband and all his lands and title were Karl's, they had gone to live with her father. There he would be raised as the proper heir to the Viscount, and until he was eighteen it had looked as if Karl would fill the role perfectly.

    Sara still couldn't understand why he'd been so upset over finding out what had really happened to his father. It wasn't like they were close, because she had told her son over and over how much he didn't like children. This was a lie, but as her father had taught her lies could do more than the truth ever could sometimes. And what had become of her perfect heir! Not only had he not gone on to a prominent career in a field that would make the Krowler name proud, he'd had a child with the gypsy woman's daughter! They lived in New York, not even in the Mordo home in Romania!

    It was Astrid that was the motivation behind her travels today. She had never seen her grandchild, in spite of her efforts. Karl had told her when she tried to send him something after her birth that she was never going to meet Astrid. Sara had made efforts at gaining some kind of contact, but those had been stifled. Her last try had been to simply go and meet Astrid at school, before her father could stop them. The teacher had stopped her, saying she could not release a student without permission from their parents. It had been disappointing, returning home without her grandchild. If she could be responsible for Astrid, then her and her father would have a second chance at a perfect heir.

    The taxi Sara was in was taking her to a lawyer's office. She'd given up any kind of hope that Karl would permit her contact, so the only option left was to pursue legal action. Before that could be done, she'd needed something to work with. Learning her son had a boyfriend he was living with was a good place to begin from. Not that his lover being a man was an issue; that wasn't something Sara thought too much about. But she could argue that if Karl had time to go out with someone, then certainly he could let her spend time with her only grandchild. She planned to only speak of visitation, knowing it would be too much of a challenge to gain full custody of Astrid. Karl was a good parent (a fact she reluctantly conceded), and from the bits she'd learned about Stephen Strange he seemed to be the proper sort. Unlike the lesser woman who had carried Astrid, he had been a famous surgeon that only appeared to have left his work after an accident. It was rather odd she couldn't find out anything about his son, or what he had been doing in the years following his accident. No matter, the important thing was to get to see Astrid.

    And hopefully, one day take her home.

    She gave a reasonable tip to the cab driver (it was important to make sure that some people who were below you thought well of you) and headed towards the offices of her chosen attorney.

    There had been two major criteria for picking who she wanted to represent her. First of all was having a reputation for winning cases. Sara was not planning on taking chances with someone incompetent. Second was a certain ruthless quality when it came time to go to trial, if that was needed. Every bit of her research had pointed her in the direction of one Kaecilius Sorenson.

    She paused for a moment in front of a mirror to assess her appearance. Make-up perfectly accenting her features, jewelry exactly in place, and just the right expression on her face. Confident that she would be judged appropriately, Sara made her way towards her meeting.

 

* * *

 

    “Hello Ms. Krowler. And how are you today?”

    Sara's first meeting with Kaecilius gave her a fairly good idea of what kind of man he was. His voice was cultured, telling her he came from the right background or at least knew enough to fake it. The smile that came on his face upon meeting her was the same type of controlled expression her father would so often wear when he wished for others to do what he wanted. Most important of all, his eyes had a ruthless shine to them that led her to guess he would do anything to win, even if it meant going outside the boundaries of law.

    “Oh Mr. Sorenson. I'm so glad you agreed to meet with me. You're my only chance.” Her voice maintained the tone of a beleaguered grandmother, who was being denied the pleasure of her grandchild's company during her formative years.

    “I can see that. I heard your story. It's such a terrible injustice, being kept from your granddaughter. And by your own son, nonetheless! Honestly, the way children can treat their mothers is so outrageous. A mother is the most important person to ever be in a child's life, and never should be taken away. Now tell me more. What made you come in today? Has anything happened to make you decide to fight for visitation rights?” There was a hint of malice in his eyes, but for Sara that just made him an even better choice.

    “Oh, it was a bunch of little things. First of all is my father. He's getting older, and it's just not fair for him to never meet his great-grandchild. And I feel so terrible that Karl won't see or speak to me. I don't know why. I was always there for him, more than his father ever was. And I just learned that he's seeing someone, fairly seriously. Wouldn't you think if he has time to date he could let his mother spend time with her only grandchild?”

    The expression that was now showing on Kaecilius's face proved to Sara she had the right man. “That sounds terrible. Can you tell me about your son? What kind of a parent is he? Who is the child's mother?”

    “Karl is a very good parent, at least as far as I know. Astrid is a healthy child that everyone who knows says is quite happy. If I were only able to see her I could tell you more. But every gift I've gotten for her has been sent back unopened. I think that the trouble with Karl started when he went away to school. He met up with people far below his standing in society, and that caused him to reject us. It doesn't help that he had some kind of relationship with a woman who's mother hated me. Lilia was a friend to my now deceased husband, and she never was happy with me. She even told Nikolai that I was seeing other men! The nerve! To make matters worse, Lilia's daughter is the mother of Astrid, and Karl lets her live in my husband's home! I just know she bad-mouths me to Astrid. I think she sees more of her than her own mother does. Lilia – her mother gave her her own name; how self-centered can you be – is a photographer and travels so much she can't raise her own daughter. That's another reason I would like to see Astrid. She needs a female influence in her life.” She gave a pointed frown and shook her head. She doubted that such gestures were necessary for Kaecilius to be on her side, but it never hurt to throw them in.

    There was a slight look of surprise on his face. “Karl and Astrid? Sara, is your son Karl Mordo?”

    “Yes. I use my maiden name. It didn't feel right to keep using Nikolai's name after he died.” (And there was the fact she'd never wanted the name in the first place.) “Why are you asking? Do you know him?”

    Kaecilius sighed. “We saw each other for a brief time several years ago. But he didn't understand how it is with other people. Karl's a fine man, the kind you take home and have a real relationship with. Others... well, they serve their purpose.” He smirked, and Sara knew she liked the man already.

    “Karl is very bad at associating with people below his standing. He lets Astrid go to a public school. When Karl was her age I was sending him to the finest boarding schools in all of Europe.”

    “May I ask where you are from? Your accent sounds German, but there are traces of something else there.”

    “My father is from Bavaria. My mother was born in what is now Ghana, and she taught me English as a child. So I would guess that I still have a touch of her voice in me. My husband was from Romania, but his family was Hungarian.”

    He nodded. “Well, it certainly seems that you have a refined background. Karl did say he was descended from nobility one time, and meeting you proves it.”

    “Oh yes. My father is a viscount, and my husband was a baron. Karl's never taken up his title. A pity. He could do so much with it.” So much was lost by her child not taking his proper place in the world. He did nothing but charity work, rather than politics or law, which would have given him the power that was important to her.

    “Let me ask you some things. First of all, would you want to take Astrid to Germany at any point?”

    “Yes, she should see the kind of home she deserves. And my father would love to see her as well.”

    Kaecilius's grin would have sent a shudder through most who saw it, but Sara felt pleased. “Then let me give you a little advice. Make sure the first time you bring her back as planned. Then you'll be sure to get another chance.”

    Realizing that he had figured out her plans and was willing to help her achieve them, Sara said “I certainly can do that. Besides, it would be good to get a little time to fix up her room.” They both laughed. Sara went on to say “I can say that at least this time around Karl picked someone who is closer to his standing. The man he’s seeing is a former doctor. I heard that he was in some accident and then couldn’t practice medicine any longer. He has a child, but I don’t know who the mother is or why she’s not around. I’ve wondered if I went and talked to him he could help convince Karl to let me see Astrid.”

    Kaecilius had a grim expression on his face as he listened to her. “I would advise against doing that. You don’t know what Karl might have told him. I do wonder if we could look into finding the mother of his child. Maybe she’d be interested in going to court as well.”

    That could work out. The threat of her son’s partner losing his own child might make him malleable towards Sara’s agenda. “That sounds like an excellent plan. I hired an investigator to tell me what Karl was getting up to and how Astrid was doing. I could just go back to him and ask if it would be possible to look up records of any divorce for Stephen Strange, or birth records for his son –”

    Kaecilius cut her off. “Stephen Strange? That’s the name of the man your son is seeing?” His voice was filled with alarm.

    Sara wondered why he’d reacted the way he did. Had they also dated? “Yes, that’s who is living with Karl now.”

    His face turned grave, and he said “I think you need to change your plans. Don’t just go for visitation – you should be filing for full custody of Astrid. She is being put into a terrible situation as of now.”

    Confused, she asked “What’s wrong? What is it about him I should know?”

    Kaecilius reached down to open a drawer in his desk. “There is something you need to see.”

 

* * *

 

    Karl could say that his day hadn't been going all that well even before the phone rang.

    The first real problem had come last night. It had been close to three in the morning when he had been woken up by a blood-curdling scream coming from Stephen's room.

    Karl had raced to get there, only to find himself unable to open the door. Rapidly being consumed by panic, he had been forced to talk through the closed door. “Stephen! Are you okay? Please let me in!” He'd felt frightened that he would never get in, but after several agonizing minutes the door had opened and he was faced with a completely broken Stephen.

    Stephen only made it a few steps before falling to his knees, his breath coming in rapid pants. He was shaking all over, and from the doorway Karl could see that the chair in the room had been moved close to the door. He suspected that it had been blocking his entrance.

    He wanted to put his arms around him, but waited for cues as to what the best course of action would be. When Stephen inched his way towards him, he slowly moved his arm around him. In a more positive reaction than he thought might happen, he leaned into Karl's shoulder. He was talking, but not much of what he said made sense. There was something about the woods, and fire, and a vague mention of how “you were there.” Karl didn't ask for more details. He could guess that whatever it was that had so frightened Stephen would give him nightmares as well, and Stephen didn't appear to want to talk about it more.

    The sound of footsteps came down the corridor. “Karl? Is Daddy okay?” Donny was standing there, with concern being written on his face.

    “Something scared him. I think he should be okay,” Karl said without much faith in the words. He'd known that Stephen had problems with sleep, as he had heard him pacing around late at night. For a while he'd thought the sleep problems stemmed from Stephen's depression, but now Karl had a feeling they had just as much to do with nightmares. A mixture of sadness and anger warred within him: anger for whatever had happened to Stephen to give him such horrifying nightmares, and sadness for knowing that he had likely been suffering in silence for so long.

    Stephen had calmed down somewhat, at least enough to tell Donny “I had a bad dream, Don. I'm sorry if I scared you.”

    “You were yelling real loud. I thought somebody was hurting you.”

    “Nobody's going to hurt anyone here. I can promise you that.” Karl wanted to make sure Donny knew they were protected from most external threats. If only the ones that threatened Stephen were the same.

    Donny said “When I get scared at night I hug Mr. Stripes real hard. You can try that with your bear, Daddy.”

    Stephen leaned away from Karl and replied “Thanks, Don. I'll try that.”

    Donny was then taken back to his room by his father, and Karl could hear them talking a bit. He tried to go back to sleep himself, but it was futile. So the next day he was operating on a much lesser degree of sleep than was ideal. Astrid asked about the disturbance in the morning, saying “I heard yelling last night. I thought it was a movie or something, but then I heard you and I knew it wasn't. What happened?” Karl gave a brief answer, but there was another question to be asked. Every morning since getting his prescription, Stephen had taken his medicine during breakfast. So far there hadn't been any comments made about it, but today Astrid then asked “Are you still sick, Stephen?”

    He didn't answer immediately. After all, he was sick in a way. Yet that kind of sickness wasn't the one Astrid would have thought of. Finally, he said “Not like before. I've just been feeling very sad for a while, and so I need to go see a doctor and take my medicine every day.”

    Donny jumped in, saying “There's medicine for being sad? How come everybody doesn't take it?”

    “It's not for being sad like most people get. The kind of sadness I have makes it hard to do anything, and I can't eat enough or get much sleep. My doctor says that this will make me feel a bit better.”

    “Is it working, Daddy?” Donny was hopeful that the answer would be yes, and his father would be happy again.

    “A little bit. I can eat more now. My doctor says it can take a while before you start to feel better.” Stephen glanced at Karl, wishing he didn't have to have this talk with his son.

    “I hope you feel happy again real soon. I don't like seeing you sad.” Donny may have meant well, but Karl knew that Stephen would take the words as being another way he'd failed at parenting.

    He didn't get the fateful phone call until after lunch. The ringing came as a surprise, because Karl hadn't been expecting any calls. He hoped that it wasn't from school, because someone telling him one of the children had been hurt would be the absolute pinnacle of an already bad day. He answered the phone with a short “Yes?”

    If possible, the voice on the other end was even worse than hearing Donny or Astrid had been hurt. A very familiar voice responded by saying “Karl, is that really the way you should answer your phone? I thought I taught you better. How are you now?”

    Karl had to suppress a groan on hearing his mother's voice. He hadn't spoken with her since her abortive attempt to take Astrid, and the only contact he had with her was when she sent gifts to her grandchild every year. He normally returned the gifts to the sender, but sometimes he gave them to charity. Shortly after Astrid had been born, Karl had gotten a sum of money from his mother with a note saying that he should put it in a trust for her. He had responded by sending the money to an organization devoted to fighting for the rights of the Romani in Europe, and gave his family's home as the address to send the letter of thanks for the generous donation. Not wanting to spend more time talking than he had to, Karl said “This isn't a social call, Mother. What is it you actually want?”

    Sara chuckled. “What do I always want, Karl? I want to see my granddaughter. She's nearly seven now. Shouldn't it be time for us to get to know each other? Especially since you won't let me give her anything. It would be in Astrid's best interests, you know.”

    Karl pushed down his feelings of anger and replied “Astrid's best interests are served by making sure she never sees you or Grandfather. I have no desire to see you try and manipulate her the way you do with everyone else. My daughter is growing into a lovely caring person, and visiting you would do her no good.”

    He could see in his mind Sara shaking her head as she answered “I was hoping that you would give me a chance. But since you aren't willing to do so, I'll tell you the news. I've gotten an attorney and am going to take you to court. I know what situation you've put Astrid in, Karl, and I intend to keep her away from it. She'll do much better living with me.”

    The idea struck Karl as being completely ridiculous. “May I ask you what on Earth makes you think you can succeed at this? I've taken care of Astrid from the very first day of her life, and I doubt that a court would look at how I've raised her and say she's better off being taken from the only home she's ever known. Tell me, what brought this absurdity on?”

    Her voice took on a harsh tone. “I think you know very well what brought this on. Imagine, you didn't even tell me about the man in your life. That's something I think a court would be interested to hear.”

    Now Karl started to laugh. She thought that because he was living with another man she could get Astrid? “Amazingly Mother, the world has changed quite a bit over the last decade or so. If you go in and say that you want custody because your son is involved in a same-sex relationship I think you'll be quite surprised at how you are received.”

    It was Sara's turn to laugh. “Perhaps they wouldn't care if you are with another man. But what would they say if they knew of the sort of man you were seeing?”

    Karl felt a chill run down his spine. “What do you mean? What sort of man do you think I'm with?” The way she had spoken to him made Karl afraid that she knew of what Stephen had done prior to living with him. But how had his mother gotten that information? Had she met a client of his? The problem with that was that Stephen had said once that only one of his clients knew his name, so how could they have made the connection with him?

    “You perfectly well know what I'm referring to. What were you thinking, letting that filthy whore live with you? Who knows where he's been or what he's done? Wouldn't you agree that Astrid shouldn't be exposed to that sort of trash? I thought it was bad enough when you were seeing that gypsy woman, but you've managed to top yourself this time.”

    He felt like he'd been slapped in the face. How had his mother found out what Stephen had done for a living? “Don't you dare call Stephen that. He's a far better man than you ever could be.”

    “But it is the truth, correct? You aren't denying that he sold his body in the past, are you? How will you explain that to Astrid? Can you even imagine the things he must have done? I wouldn't even be able to go near him, let alone touch him. Does he do the same things for you that he did for his customers?”

    Now Karl was livid with anger. “You will stop talking about Stephen in that manner immediately! If you want to discuss this any further, then have your lawyer speak to me! I promise you, I will fight this with every ounce of my being. You will never get Astrid.” He ended the call, not wanting to lose his temper even more than he had. He placed his head in his hands, trying to take in what had just happened.

    What were the odds that a court would rule in favor of his mother? Karl knew that he had done well enough as a parent to not have to worry about being found lacking, but how would they view his relationship with Stephen? Could the fact that Stephen had been forced to engage in prostitution really be enough for Astrid to be sent to live with a woman she'd never met? There also was the matter of Stephen's mental health. Karl wasn't naive, he knew that he had serious problems and wasn't going to become healthy anytime soon. But those problems hadn't as of yet stopped him from taking care of Donny or Astrid. Karl could also point towards what Stephen's life had been like prior to his injury, but that had the potential to backfire. Stephen may not have been the most reliable source for what his personality had been like before, but if even part of it was true it wouldn't look good.

    His greatest fear was that he would be put into an impossible choice: either he would be forced to place his daughter in the care of someone who did not care for her except as a tool, or lose the man he loved. Given Stephen's already fragile mental state, Karl feared that if he were made to leave the place he'd found safety in it might trigger a complete breakdown. The guilt of causing that wasn't something he could live with, and neither could he cope with losing his beloved daughter.

    So lost in his own thoughts, Karl didn't hear the sound of Stephen entering the room until he said “Karl? I heard you yelling. What's wrong?”

    “What's wrong is my mother.” Karl's words were tinged with venom as he went on to say “She's gotten herself a lawyer, and is going to court for custody of Astrid.”

    Stephen was stunned. “She can't think she can do that, can she? What makes her think she'll succeed, given that you've been so good for her?”

    “Because she says I'm providing a bad environment for her. I can promise you, that even if I'm not giving an ideal upbringing for Astrid it would be far better than what she would get with my mother and grandfather. They would take her and destroy her, just like they nearly did with me.”

    Stephen was silent for a few minutes before saying “It's because of me, isn't it? She found out who I am and wants to keep Astrid safe, right?”

    Karl shook his head. “Stephen, she would have done this no matter what at some point. If it wasn't you, it would have been something else. Mother wants to have a second chance at the perfect heir, and Astrid is her only option. You are not to blame for this.”

    “But that is why she's trying it now. And she's right. I've done too many terrible things to be a good figure in her life.”

    This was just getting worse. Stephen was correct in saying that Sara's excuse for trying to get custody of Astrid was his past, but Karl knew without a doubt this day would have come at some point. He had hoped that it would be when Astrid was old enough to have her wishes given consideration, but deep down knew it wouldn't be the case. “Stephen, please listen to me.” He stood up and put his hands on his shoulders. “This is not because of you. My mother has been trying to worm her way into Astrid's life from virtually the day she was born. No matter if we'd met back in your medical days – then she would have found something else to latch onto. I should have planned better for when this day came.”

    Stephen looked away. “Maybe if there's a chance you'll lose Astrid I should leave. I could never forgive myself if I was the reason the court took Astrid from you.”

    “No! I love you, Stephen, and I will not let you go because my mother is doing what she does best. I know we can beat this. Your loss would break my heart as much as losing Astrid would.”

    While Stephen didn't appear to be entirely convinced, he did drop the issue for the moment. “What are you going to do now?”

    “I'm going to set up a meeting with my lawyer tomorrow. Hopefully she can put a stop to this without us even setting foot in a courtroom. If not, I've known her for years and trust her legal acumen. I won't let Astrid know about this until I'm certain that it's going farther than just sending some paperwork in. She doesn't need to know about anything if it amounts to nothing.”

    Stephen said “That's a good thing. I can't imagine how you must feel. The thought of losing Donny was always one of my worst nightmares. I hope your lawyer can make things right for you, Karl.”

    The sentiment made him smile in spite of himself. “Thank you, Stephen.”

 

* * *

 

    Even with all of the things that had happened to make it one of the worst days of Karl's life, there was one thing at the end of the day that provided a bright spot.

    He was going to bed earlier than normal. Donny and Astrid had noticed he was acting differently, but neither asked why this was the case. Karl suspected that they might have not wanted to hear the answer. As he was preparing to change, a knock came on the door. Wondering who it was, he said “Yes?”

    “Karl? It's me.” Stephen sounded uncertain of whether or not to stay.

    “Come in.” Stephen entered the room. He was wearing his normal nighttime outfit of at least one sweatshirt and sweatpants. Karl knew that he tended to wear layers during the day, so seemed reasonable to assume he did at night as well. His posture was guarded, and Karl felt worried as he asked “Is something wrong?”

    “Kind of. After last night, I don't want to be alone. So I was wondering if I could stay with you tonight? Not in the bed, if you don't want that. But just being with someone might make a difference with the dreams.”

    Karl wanted to tell Stephen he was more than welcome to stay. But there were two potential problems. One was that Karl normally wore boxers and a t-shirt to bed, and he was uncertain if Stephen would feel comfortable with that. Second was his own reactions. He had a pretty good idea of how his body might react to being in such close proximity with the other man, and that would make Stephen's nightmares worse. “You can stay here in bed with me. But let me tell you two things. One is that sleeping is all I want to do. I swear I will not touch you until you're ready for it. Also, I'm not sure how I might react to being so close to you. I don't want to trigger you in any way, so I need to let you know that it could be a problem.”

    Stephen mulled over the words. “If you're planning on waiting until I'm ready, you're going to be waiting a long time. Maybe a lifetime. The other problem... why don't we have some pillows between us? The I wouldn't feel anything. You're right, if you were... I'd...” He said no more.

    Karl pulled aside the covers, and found a pair of sweatpants he could wear for tonight. As he got dressed, Stephen set up the barrier between them. It seemed odd to be putting more distance between him and the one he loved, but somehow it all felt right. He said before turning out the lights “I hope you sleep well, Stephen.”

    “I usually don't. But you... you make me feel safe.” The words touched Karl, realizing the level of trust he placed in him. “Night, Karl.”

    “Goodnight, Stephen.” Then there was silence, as both men thought of what the next day would bring in the beginning of the fight to keep Astrid home.

 

 


	20. Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl prepares for court. Stephen tries to cope with what's happening, and a game of tag causes unexpected trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we get some more action.
> 
> Warnings: while nothing that happened in the past is really detailed, I think it should be clear that it's not good. 
> 
> Next chapter we learn who an important person in Stephen's old life was.

    The night was an uneasy one for both men. Karl's sleep was disrupted by his concerns for both Stephen and Astrid, and while he was able to fall asleep he kept getting back up. For Stephen, the problem was the nightmares he still had.

    Karl learned quickly how deep the problem went during one of his periods of wakefulness. He heard faint mutterings coming from the other half of the bed, and turned to see Stephen with an expression of pain on his face. None of what he was saying could be made out, but it likely wasn't good. “Stephen, wake up,” Karl said. He wanted to reach out to him, but suspected that doing so would make things worse.

    Stephen opened his eyes, and the terror in them made Karl wonder if waking him had been a mistake. He shot up in bed, and rapidly glanced around the room. “I'm here.” The words seemed to be an attempt to calm himself down, as he was still breathing heavily. “Did I wake you up?”

    “I was awake already. Are you okay?”

    He took several deep breaths. “I think so. Just another bad dream.”

    The experience was repeated two more times during the night. Stephen never reacted in the same way he had the night before, but seeing him so disturbed made Karl wonder how he got any real sleep. How long had this been going on?

    Using a great deal of coffee to keep him upright, Karl posed the question to Stephen after dropping Donny and Astrid at school. “How long have you been having those nightmares?”

    “Since Donny was real little. They've gotten worse since I stopped working. Dr. Drumm says it's because my mind is processing things now it couldn't before. Sometimes I wake up feeling scared or hurting, but I can't remember the dream I was having.”

    The part when Stephen said he sometimes felt pain after his dreams was new to Karl. He could reasonably guess that some of the dreams were of things that had actually happened to him, and it was likely some of them would have been painful. He hadn't heard of people feeling pain from dreaming about the past, but if Stephen was feeling it it was certainly possible.

    Not certain what to say, he stated “I'm going to be meeting with my attorney today. I'll just get my things I need at home, and then I can go. You'll be okay?”

    Stephen nodded. “I'm so sorry Karl. I wish I hadn't put you through this.”

    “Please try not to think that way. The person responsible is my mother, not you.”

    Stephen looked at his feet and said nothing. When they got inside, Karl watched him head for the shower. Under normal circumstances he would have stopped him, but with his meeting coming up he couldn't waste any time.

    Vowing that he would talk to Stephen when he got back, Karl headed out the door.

 

* * *

 

     Jen Walters had been Karl's primary lawyer for the last five years. Most people wouldn't have needed to keep a lawyer around, but with the state of his finances it was best to have someone to help you through the legal waters. She had helped him put together his will, put money into various trusts, and had aided with any other matters where a good lawyer would help.

    The issue Karl now faced was one unlike any other he had dealt with in the past. The realm of family law was far outside his comfort zone, but he knew he needed to familiarize himself with it if were to have hope of keeping Astrid. The office he knew well made him feel at ease as he looked at Jen. “I'm glad you could see me so soon.”

    “Given how you sounded on the phone, it was no problem to make time for you today. Now, can you tell me why you needed to see me today?” As always, she was to the point but willing to listen.

    Karl sighed. “My mother is going to court to get custody of Astrid. She's found out I'm living with a man who was involved in sex work in the past.”

    Jen replied “What kind of work are we talking about? Is it something along the lines of stripping, or is it prostitution we're dealing with?”

    “The latter, unfortunately. Stephen – the man in question – was homeless for a long time. He has a son, which is how I met met him in the first place. He couldn't work in any job that would hire a homeless man because he was in an accident that damaged his hands. So when someone told him he'd give him money for sex, Stephen accepted. He needed to take care of his son. I know that people hurt him very badly. He blames himself for the trouble I'm having now. But I won't give up on him, and neither will I give Astrid to my family. They would destroy her.”

    Jen let him finish without saying a single word. As Karl was silent, she then said “There are two major things here. First of all, I agree with you about keeping Astrid away from your family. Everything I've heard tells me she would only be hurt by being with them. Second is a little harder to say. Karl, I can't represent you in this case.”

    “You can't? Why? You've worked with me on all of the other legal issues I've had.”

    “Because a case like this needs someone who has a background in family law. My main experience is in business and probate law. I'd be in over my head if I tried to tackle this one. I still can help you. I know a woman who is supposed to be very good in family law. Lily's still young, but everything I've heard about her shows me she's a good choice.”

    Karl understood why this was the case. A part of him had thought that Jen might not be able to help him, and if that were the case he would have to look elsewhere for help. “What can you tell me about this Lily?”

    “She's from Louisiana, and has been practicing in New York for a couple of years now. I first met her at a meeting for young lawyers. She studied at Yale, and is know for being a hard worker. Do you know who your mother has representing her?”

    “No. She never gave me a name, and to be honest I was so angry with her that I didn't bother to ask her about it.”

    “Well, I sure hope whoever she's got is someone who's willing to negotiate, but judging by what you've said about her that doesn't seem likely.” Jen had heard only bits and pieces about what Sara Krowler was like, but what she knew indicated that unless she was inclined in that direction, bargaining was not an option.

    “I wouldn't think so. Mother has always held the belief that a scorched-earth policy is the best option for success in all situations. I can guarantee she would pick a lawyer who agrees with her.”

    Jen nodded. “Well, let me ask you a different kind of question. Tell me more about this Stephen.”

    Karl could feel his face lighting up. Relieved to be able to talk about a more pleasant topic, he said “Stephen is wonderful. It amazes me how well he was able to take care of Donny, his son, even while being homeless for pretty much his entire life. He's intelligent, and still keeps up with the field of neurosurgery even though he doesn't think he'll do anything with it anymore. While I didn't know him while he was practicing medicine, what I've learned about him indicates he was an extremely hard worker who always tried to be the best. I know that doesn't sound good, but I can definitely admire his drive. He puts everyone else before himself – far too much in my opinion. Stephen is damaged, and he struggles with what he had to do in order to survive for so long. But I love him. And I would feel just as terrible losing him as I would losing Astrid.”

    A smile came over Jen. “I wish you the best of luck, Karl. Let me give you Lily's number, and you can contact her as soon as it's convenient.”

    Karl stood up, and said “One more question before I go. Should I tell Astrid about what her grandmother is doing?”

    “Yes. I would advise that you wait until the weekend, because telling her that kind of news is going to cause her a lot of stress, and it might interfere with school. Give her some time to take it in, and don't forget to tell her you will not give up on her.”

    Karl promised to take her advice, and left feeling both better and worse. Better, because Jen seemed to think that there was cause for hope; and worse because she had not stated outright that his mother had no chance of gaining custody of Astrid. He hoped Lily would be just as good as was promised.

 

* * *

 

    Stephen dreaded his next appointment with Dr. Drumm. He hated having to tell him how he was going to ruin Karl's life, but knew it couldn't be avoided. Trying to handle it as best he could, he started by saying “I've ruined everything.”

    “You've ruined everything? If I remember correctly, the last time we spoke you said your date with Karl had gone well. Did something happen to change that?” Dr. Drumm looked appropriately concerned with Stephen's statement.

    “It's Astrid. Her grandmother has found out about me, and wants to get full custody of her. Now Karl might end up losing his daughter, and it will be my fault.” Stephen fought back tears. He'd already cried far too much here.

    “Let me sum this up. Karl's mother knows how that you were involved in sex work, correct? How do you think Astrid might be harmed by that?”

    The question came as a bit of a surprise to Stephen. “She shouldn't have to know about that sort of thing.”

    “How much have you told her?”

    “Nothing. I don't think Karl's said anything either. I always made sure in the past that Donny wouldn't find out. He didn't deserve to know what a horrible person he has for a father.” Most of his connections either hadn't known he had a child or didn't care one way or another. Only one had ever threatened to tell Donny about what he was doing for work, his very first one. Sometimes Stephen was still afraid of running into that man elsewhere. What would happen in that case couldn't possibly be good.

    Dr. Drumm calmly went on to say “So as far as I can tell, you want to keep both Astrid and Donny from knowing anything that might be too difficult for them to understand. That strikes me as being a fairly wise choice. If at some point either you or Karl think that it's a good idea to talk with them about your work then I think I can trust you to do so in a responsible manner.”

    “But I did tell them a little while ago about the medication I'm taking. Isn't that something they shouldn't have heard about?”

    “Stephen, if you were sick in a more conventional way then there would be no question about telling Donny and Astrid about what was happening. Children can learn about mental health issues as long as it's done right. Both of them are able to see how being depressed is affecting you. I think that it would be worse to not tell them anything.”

    Stephen wished the words of reassurance would make him feel better. But the facts were laid out clearly before him. “What about Karl? How do you think he feels? Because he allowed me to come into his life, I've wound up costing him his daughter. How could he not hate me after all that?”

    “What evidence do you have that Karl hates you?”

    “Why wouldn't he? He could end up losing the most important person to him.”

    “He _could._ But that doesn't mean he _will._ Has his behavior changed since he got the news?”

    He had to admit to himself that Karl wasn't acting like he hated him now. But Stephen only felt worse thinking about that. It was a logical reaction to be angry and hate someone who caused you trouble – that had been how his life had been for a long time. Since Karl didn't look to be mad at him, Stephen believed that he had a far too high opinion of him. “I think that he's not mad because he's said he loves me. So he doesn't see the kind of man I am.”

    Dr. Drumm responded by saying “I think Karl knows what kind of man you are. Can you tell me what are the first three things that come into your mind when you think about yourself?”

    He hated having to say it out loud. “Dirty. Whore. Asshole.”

    “And what do you think Karl would say?”

    “I don't know.”

    “You suspect that he would say something different at the very least, correct?” As always, Dr. Drumm had a way about him that made questions like that seem gentle.

    “Maybe.” Stephen still wasn't sure if this was some kind of trick question.

    “All of the things you said about yourself are negative, or are likely to be seen as being such. May I ask why Karl would want any kind of relationship with you if he thought all those things before anything else?”

    “He calls me by name, so I guess he must think something good about me.” The way the whole conversation was going was making Stephen uncomfortable, so he hoped to get off the subject soon.

    Dr. Drumm did change topics in a manner of speaking. “You said he calls you by name? Why is that important?”

    “Most people I know don't use my name. A lot of them may not even know it.” The way it was going now wasn't all that much better, but trying to change topics again probably wouldn't work.

     “Are those people just casual acquaintances, or do you have any real kind of friendship with them?”

    Why was he saying this? He knew who those people were. “Most people who are hiring someone to fuck don't care about names. They call you what they like.” Slut, boy, pet and more – Stephen had been called them all. “But your name can be worse. There's something about when a connection calls you by name. It's never good.”  _He heard the sound of something hitting the ground. “Do you know what I've brought with me this time? You burned my chances with someone good, Stephen, and so I think I'll burn you.”_ His heart began racing.

    “Stephen? Can you hear me? You are in my office right now. Whatever you are feeling or seeing is not happening. Can you tell me what you are seeing?” The voice of Dr. Drumm barely penetrated his consciousness.

    It was like being in two places at once. “Forest. I'm tied to a tree. He's going to burn me. Sitting in chair. Wearing coat.” Getting out the words was hard, and Stephen felt a thousand miles away.

    “All right. I need you to shut your eyes now. Start thinking about a place you feel safe. Can you picture that in your head?”

    He could. It was easy to think of a safe place – it would be somewhere with Karl. Stephen decided to place them on the couch, with Karl's arm around his shoulders. He focused on the warmth of his arm, and the knowledge that no one could get near him as long as he was there. He felt his heartbeat slow down, and soon opened his eyes to see Dr. Drumm sitting across from him.

    “Are you feeling any better? It looked like you were thinking about something pretty bad.”

    That was certainly an understatement. “I think so. It was just like I was there again. I almost couldn't hear you.”

    A sadness fell on his face. “That's something that happens. I wish you didn't have to experience that. Flashbacks can be frightening even if you know what's happening. Has something to this degree happened before?”

    “Not like this. Before it was just like flashes before my eyes. I knew I wasn't having anything happen now, but I could feel the sensations of what happened before. But just now I really was afraid that I was back in the woods.” Stephen was embarrassed to talk about it. He hoped that it wouldn't happen again.

    “Do you want to talk about what happened then?”

    “No.” He hoped he would never have to talk about what had happened that afternoon.

    “That's fine.” Dr. Drumm folded his hands into his lap. “I'd like to give you another assignment before you leave today. I'd like you to ask some of the people around you what the first things they think of you are. Collect the results, and bring them back on Wednesday. Then we can talk about what they said as opposed to what you thought, and why that might be the case. I also want you to come up with something you can do if your flashbacks get that bad again. See if you can find a way to remind yourself what the here and now is.”

    Getting assignments made Stephen feel like he was back in school again. He'd failed at the last one he'd been given, and was glad that this time all he had to do was talk to people. The only ones he could ask would be Karl and Wong, so at some point soon he needed to get back to the library.

    In the car heading back, he asked Karl “What are the first three things you think about me?”

    Karl seemed surprised by the question, but he soon answered “Father, doctor, love. Is that okay?”

    “If it's what you think.” Maybe Stephen needed to show Karl some more things from his medical days. Then he might get a better idea of who he really was.

* * *

 

    Living in a major city can pose problems for children during the winter. Playing outside normally isn't a feasible option, but with the cold comes the closing of places where one might go to play.

    So children create their own ways of dealing with being trapped indoors. For Donny and Astrid, it was Indoor Tag. It was played in much the same way as the outdoor version, but no running is allowed at all. The first person to try and run from a tag is the loser. Therefore, one must move carefully to both avoid the tag but not run in the process.

    Stephen was relaxing on the couch, enjoying a book and the sounds of play surrounding him. After his appointment with Dr. Drumm yesterday and the things discussed, he'd expected the day to go far worse. But other than the usual dreams, nothing seemed to happen. Karl had spoken with him about how he was going to talk to Astrid about what her grandmother was planning on doing, and he wasn't looking forward to it. So Stephen was grateful for the peace. There was still a part of him that felt as if the other shoe was going to drop any minute now, but for the most part he tried to enjoy the day. He'd been able to eat more for breakfast and lunch than he had for quite some time, and had had a conversation with Karl about where they might want to go on vacation during the spring. Both him and Astrid had visited several different countries, and Stephen had gotten caught up in the planning. A change of scenery would do them all some good, especially if the case ended up going to court.

    A grim pallor was cast over Stephen's thoughts of the day when he thought about what Karl was going through. His new attorney was coming to meet with them on Monday night, and he hoped she would be able to help them out. From what he'd heard, she was still young and had been reasonably successful when she'd gone to court. He hoped that would be enough.

    From the sounds he was hearing, Astrid was now the person who was “it”. She and Donny kept darting through the furniture, never moving any faster than a stroll. He didn't bother to look up from his reading, not feeling there were any issues he needed to watch out for.

    Astrid was standing next to him, her eyes darting towards Donny who was on the other end of the couch, well out of reach. She swayed left and right a few times, weighing her options. At last she seemed to have a plan. Without warning, she reached out and touched Stephen's back, saying “Tag!” in a delighted tone.

    And Stephen was back to before again.

* * *

 

_Getting into the car this time hadn't seemed like a big deal. It was around lunchtime, so Stephen guessed his connection was taking his break with him as opposed to eating. He knew that with this one he would end up being insulted much of the time at the very least, but since there was likely to be a limited time-frame it wouldn't take too long. Donny was staying at the library with Wong, so even if work took more than an hour or so it wouldn't matter too much. Besides, the man in the suit always paid him something._

_A hand reached out and grabbed his arm as soon as he sat down. The grip was strong enough to leave bruises, and Stephen knew there was going to be trouble. The man's face was filled with more hate than he'd ever thought possible. “You filthy slut. You've ruined everything.”_

_The man loosened his grip on Stephen as he drove away, continuing to talk about how he had caused him trouble and how he would pay. By now he suspected that he was not going to look all that great after they were done, based on past experiences with the connection. Being beaten up was something that he was now used to; it was a hazard of working, just like getting sick. He'd just finished his last dose of antibiotic a few days ago, and hoped to have a little money after today._

_They had driven well out of the city into a wooded area. Stephen wasn't familiar with the place, and he didn't see any signs of other people around. Fear began to dominate him._

_The connection turned to him and placed his hand on his back. His words were spoken in a tone that made Stephen fear for his life. “Now here's how this is going to be. You are going to do everything I tell you. And then...” A sadistic smile came over his face. “Then I might let you live.”_

 

* * *

 

    Astrid had thought it might be fun to get Stephen to play with them. She'd felt bad for him ever since she'd heard he was sick. She asked Donny if he knew what Stephen liked, but Donny said his daddy didn't have a lot of time to do fun things. But he might want to play tag with them. Sometimes Daddy played with her, so Stephen might like it too.

    But after she tagged him things started getting funny. Stephen gave a weird sound, and he started to breathe harder. “Stephen? Do you want to play with us?” But he didn't answer. It was like he hadn't heard her.

    Donny was now next to her. “Daddy? Is something wrong? Daddy!” Stephen had stood up and right away went down on his knees. He still didn't say anything, and Astrid thought he might not be able to see them.

    “I'm sorry! Please say something, Stephen!” Astrid was in a state of panic. What was wrong with him? Had she done something? Now she was breathing harder.

    Donny reached out for his father's shoulder, saying “Daddy, can you hear me? Please get up!” He was crying, but this still didn't get a reaction from Stephen. At last he said “I'm getting Karl,” and took off to find him.

* * *

 

    The sound was not one that Karl wanted to hear. Donny was yelling for him, saying “Karl, Karl, there's something wrong with my daddy!” He sounded frantic and looked even worse.

    Karl got up and went over to Donny's side. “What's wrong with him? Can you tell me what happened?”

    “Astrid and I were playing Indoor Tag, and she tagged Daddy. But then he started breathing funny, and now he's not answering us or doing anything! Please help us!”

    The words were enough to send Karl running to the living room. Astrid was standing next to Stephen, and when she saw Karl she said “I'm sorry Daddy, I didn't mean to.” Stephen was on his knees, and he looked utterly terrified.

    He knelt down next to Stephen, asking “Stephen, can you hear me?” No response. Karl realized he was trembling and his mouth was moving, even though no words could be discerned. He decided to take further action. “Astrid, I want you to go to the kitchen and get me an ice cube.” While he could have sent Donny, he felt it would be better for him to stay with his father for now. And giving Astrid a job to do might help out with her feelings for having triggered the incident.

    Donny only spoke once Astrid had left. “Karl, what's wrong with Daddy? Why won't he answer us?”

    Karl only could say “I don't think he knows where he is right now. He might not be hearing what we're saying to him.” He was spared having to say anymore by Astrid running in with the ice. “Good, now give it to me.” With ice in his hand, he touched to one of Stephen's cheeks. He left it there for a few seconds, and then went to the other side and repeated the motion. When that didn't produce a reaction, Karl placed the ice on Stephen's forehead. That did the trick. He began blinking, and his eyes began to look around.

    Stephen's breathing started to even out, and it looked like just now he could see Karl and the children before him. “Oh God,” was the first thing out of his mouth. “I thought I was... I'm so sorry. Astrid, Donny, I must have scared you bad. Forgive me.” He sounded so broken that Karl could feel his stomach sink.

    “Daddy, why didn't you hear us? What happened?” Donny still had traces of tears coming out of his eyes, but his voice sounded much calmer.

    “Something went wrong in my head when Astrid touched me. I didn't know it was going to happen.”

    “Stephen, I'm really sorry,” Astrid said amidst tears. “I didn't mean to make something go bad.”

    Karl interjected by saying “Astrid, I know you didn't mean to do anything wrong. Stephen didn't know that tagging him would make him feel like that.”

    “But what was it? Why'd he get all funny when I tagged him?”

    “I think that when you touched him it made Stephen remember something bad that happened to him before. But it wasn't anything you did wrong. Sometimes we don't know what makes us think about bad things that happened.” 

    Neither one asked what the things Stephen was remembering were, which Karl saw as a net positive. He had no idea how to explain how nightmarish Stephen's life had been before he'd gotten off the streets.

    Stephen had returned to sitting on the couch, and Karl went to sit next to him. He placed his arm near his shoulders, and asked “Is it okay?”

    A nod. He moved his arm so that he was able to wrap it around him. Astrid was now in front of them, and asked “Are you mad at me, Stephen?”

    “No. You really didn't do anything wrong. I would have told you to not do it if I'd known it was going to cause problems. There are things I know can bother me, and I try to avoid them. I just now have to make sure no one touches me on the back again.”

    Donny went to sit next to Stephen. “That was really scary, Daddy. I didn't know thinking about something bad could make you do that.” Donny's words made Karl wonder if there was a way to talk about Stephen's PTSD without having to go into too much detail about what had caused it. The details, he knew, would be too much for two first-graders to handle.

    And for some time, the family just sat together, trying to regroup from what had happened.

* * *

 

    Karl dreaded having to talk to Astrid after dinner. Given the events of that afternoon, he knew it wouldn't be a good time to talk to her about the potential court case. But what time  _would_ be good? Having to tell your child they might be forced to live some place they didn't know with people they didn't know also wasn't ever good news. So as they were putting away their plates, Karl said “Astrid, could you please come to my room? We need to talk about something.”

    Astrid followed him, and asked “Am I in trouble?”

    “No, you're not. This doesn't have anything to do with something you've done.” He took a deep breath. “Astrid, you know your grandmother? My mother? She wants you to go and live with her.”

    “I don't want to go. I'm going to stay here.” 

    Karl only wished it was that simple. “I'm afraid that what you want might not matter. She has a lawyer, and is going to see a judge to tell them that you are better off living with her.”

    The hurt on her face spoke volumes. “But why? You're a good daddy.”

    “She thinks that because Stephen is living with us and I'm seeing him that you aren't getting the care you need. And she can provide that care.”

    Astrid started to sob. “She can't! I want to stay here! Daddy, please don't let me go!”

    Karl grabbed her for a hug. “I want you to listen to me: I will do everything in my power to make sure you stay with me. On Monday the lawyer I have will be coming to talk to me and Stephen, and you can meet her if you like. But no matter what happens, remember that I love you very much and nothing will every change that.”

    Astrid mumbled into Karl's shoulder “I love you too, Daddy. And Donny and Stephen. Is she going to take Donny away too?”

    “I don't think so.” Even as he said it Karl wondered if his mother would try and place some kind of report saying Stephen was harming his son. The chances of success if she did try seemed small. Since the situation Donny had been in before was now completely resolved and he was not being neglected, nothing of note was likely to happen. He knew from experience working with children's issues that social services normally tried to keep families together, no matter what.

    Karl asked “Do you want to cuddle for a while?” Astrid nodded, and he sat down on his bed. Astrid was still crying silently, and Karl wanted to scream at Sara, saying “Look at what you've done! Isn't this hurting her worse than just living with Stephen?” But the words would have made no difference.

    Holding his daughter, he hoped that there would be many more times of them being together to come. In two days his new attorney would see them, and hopefully she would be able to put an end to this.

 

 


	21. Past and Present

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl and Stephen meet their lawyer, and a plan is worked on. But when Karl tries to put a stop to things, he learns a truth that shocks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter we have two original characters. Pat is based on an old gym teacher of mine, believe it or not, but Lily is someone from two non-Marvel canons welded together. 
> 
> If anyone can guess one of the places she comes from, I'll be impressed. And if you guess both I think I'll have to do something for whoever gets it.

    Stephen was the first to admit he didn’t like to meet new people. It might have come as a surprise to others that this was a trait that hadn’t changed all that much since he was a practicing doctor. This at the time had only applied to personal meetings – patients and their families were part of the job and not an area of concern. Now it didn’t matter how he met anyone.

    The person he was waiting to meet was the lawyer Karl would have representing him in the court case. Karl had said he didn’t have to be there if it was too difficult for him, especially after the disaster on Saturday. But Stephen felt that it would be wrong to leave Karl out to dry like that.

    They were both sitting on the couch when the first knock was heard. Karl went up to answer the door. The woman who was standing there was of roughly average height, and was dressed very professionally. She extended her hand and said “You must be Karl Mordo. I’m Lily Tate. Jen’s told me about you.” Her voice had a strong accent to it, and Stephen thought she must come from the South somewhere.

    Karl shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Lily. Why don’t you have a seat.” She walked inside and took a seat in one of the chairs. She opened a briefcase, and pulled out a pad of paper.

    She looked at him, saying “And I guess this is Stephen Strange. Nice to meet you.” She put out her hand, and Stephen awkwardly shook it. “Well, let’s get down to business. From my perspective as an attorney, your mother’s case would have absolutely no basis if it were not for her lawyer. Unfortunately, I’ve worked against Mr. Sorenson in the past, and he is one of the most tenacious individuals I’ve ever encountered. This wouldn’t be so bad if he wasn’t also one of the most ruthless. Gentlemen, you are in for quite a battle.”

     Karl perked up. “Sorenson? Are you talking about Kaecilius Sorenson?”

     Lily nodded. “I got in touch with your mother after I spoke with Jen. She said I should speak with him if I needed to talk about the case.”  

    Karl groaned. “As if this wasn’t already bad enough.”

    “Well, I’ve gone against him in the past. So I know what he’s capable of, even if I haven’t always been able to succeed against him.”

    “Unfortunately that’s not what I’m concerned with. Kaecilius and I dated for a while in the past.”

    Lily placed her hand on her chin. “Was it a bad breakup? How long ago are we talking about?”

    “Around five years ago now. I found out he had been cheating on me, and ended things because of that. Given how he acted when I learned the truth, I was better off not seeing him anymore.” Karl seemed to have made a certain kind of peace with what happened, although Stephen still felt uncomfortable hearing about it. It reminded him that he had likely spread diseases to so many people while working. How many people like Karl had suffered because of him?

    Lily asked “Do you think that your mother picked her lawyer knowing this, or are they unconnected?”

    “My guess is there’s no connection. Mother never knew anything going on in my personal life once I left home. The most likely reason for her choosing him would be his reputation for both being good and also being so ruthless. Those are qualities Mother has always admired.”

    Lily went on to say “Then hopefully we won’t have to worry about that. In regards to what actions we should be taking now, first of all you might want to start thinking about people who can testify to what kind of parent you are, Karl. If you could do the same Stephen it would be nice, but since the case is about Astrid then we shouldn’t need as much support there.”

    Stephen wasn’t certain about that. “But the whole issue around Astrid is based on the idea that I’m a bad person for her to be around. Shouldn’t I be more of a focus here?”

    Lily smiled and said “I’m familiar with the situation surrounding you and your role in Karl’s life. Remember, the case is about Astrid, so showing she’s been cared for well in the past will go a long way to showing that it will continue in the future. Later on, as soon as I know we’re definitively going to court, I’ll look for people to talk to about you.”

    “What people do you think we’ll need to speak to?” Stephen didn’t know who could come into court and defend him.

    “Right now I think it might help if I can get a hold of individuals who knew you while you were still a practicing surgeon. From that, I can make the argument that your pattern of behavior then was consistent with what we can expect in regards to your care of Astrid.”

    “That might not work out so well. I was a real asshole back then, and I’m not sure I’m any different now.”

    Karl had a pained expression on his face as he said “Stephen has a hard time seeing himself in a good light. I’m afraid of how this case is going to affect him.”

    Stephen almost wished Karl hadn’t said that. He now knew Lily would look at him in a different light. Of course, she’d probably heard all about how he’d made a living before and what kind of man he was.

    “If that’s an issue, we can look into keeping him out of the proceedings as much as possible. I think that’s a good possibility as long as we are able to show that Stephen’s not causing harm to Astrid. I’m going to assume we’ll need a professional assessment. I know a few good child psychiatrists who have done a good job of that in the past. I can give you some names, and you can contact them at your leisure.”

    Karl appeared to be impressed. “You seem so enthusiastic about your work. What led you into family law, may I ask?”

    The question didn’t seem to bother her at all. “When I was young, there was a messy divorce in my family. I still remember how the attorney was able to deal with all of the problems that came up, and how confident he seemed to be. As I got older, I started getting interested in law, so when I made the decision to study law family law was the logical place to go forward in.”

    “Your parents?”

    “Oh no, they’re still together and really happy. It was my uncle. His wife was – is, I don’t think there’s been any change – a very sick woman. Once he realized there wasn’t going to be the outcome he wanted her to have he had no choice but to file for divorce.”

    Stephen got up the nerve to ask “Lily, how much do you know about me?”

     “Enough. I do know what you did to earn a living, and that you were homeless for a long time. But I also know you were a very successful doctor, and that Karl thinks the world of you. Besides, I don’t believe that a parent having a job in sex work should be held against them unless they are putting their children in harm’s way.”

    Sometimes Stephen wondered if there was something about him that made otherwise good people think he was better than he was. First Wong, and now Karl, Dr. Drumm, and Lily. “I am under mental health treatment right now. That should be a strike against me, correct?”

    “Depends on what it’s for. Plenty of people are in some kind of therapy, and it isn’t considered unless there’s actually concern about harming the child. I doubt that’s the case with you.”

    Stephen pondered this. Maybe his mental state wasn’t going to matter all that much, but if some of the things he had done were to come out in court it wouldn’t look good.

    Karl said “What about Astrid’s mother? I’m planning on contacting Lilia soon. She already knows about Stephen, but should she get ready for court as well?”

    “In all likelihood that's something she should be ready for. I'm expecting there will be a lot of questions related to why she's not more involved in Astrid's life. When you do talk with her, tell her everything. Does Lilia know the story around Stephen?”

    “Some of it. But I haven't told her about how he earned a living before.” Stephen could feel his face turn red.

    “Then be candid with her. Since she's given you pretty much full custody of Astrid, then I'm betting she thinks you're a good father. Keep her updated on how things are going so that she's prepared for when and if she has to testify.” Lily paused, waiting for all she had said to be absorbed. “Do either one of you have any questions for me now?”

    Karl asked “Do you want to meet Astrid now?”

    “No, it's too soon. Spending too much time with lawyers doesn't look good to a judge. Once we know we're going to court, I'll introduce myself to her and tell her what's going to happen.” She stood up and gathered her things. “Gentlemen, it's been an honor to meet you. I hope we can work this so Astrid can get the best outcome.” She nodded a farewell and departed.

    Karl was so quiet afterwards that Stephen wondered if he was distressed. “Is everything okay?”

    He then said, “I suppose. I was just thinking about something.”

    “What were you thinking about?”

    “Something I might be able to do to help the case. I don't know if it will work, though.”

    Try as he might, Stephen couldn't think of what Karl could do to help unless it involved kicking him out. If that was what he was planning, he suspected he would have outright said it. Karl was that kind of man.

    Whatever it was, Stephen hoped it would work, for his sake as well as Astrid's.

 

* * *

 

    Karl stood in the lobby feeling nervous. He'd last been here years ago, and then it had been a happy occasion. Now he was here to plead for his daughter.

    Kaecilius had always been a man of fancy tastes. His law office fit him perfectly, with expensive artwork and ornate rugs lying on the floor. During his last visit, Karl had enjoyed hearing his boyfriend talk about how he'd come by the pieces. He suspected that there would be no such talk today.

    Given the circumstances surrounding their breakup, Karl doubted he would be able to put an end to the case. But he remembered that Kaecilius had always shown him so much love. Some of that might remain. If it did, Karl hoped to use it to his advantage.

    He saw a woman walking by. He knew her at once – Becky Carter, one of the attorneys who worked for the firm. He'd met her a handful of times before, and now asked “Excuse me. Could you tell me if Kaecilius is here right now?”

    She gave a skeptical smirk and said, “I hardly think he'll see you. No one gets in without an appointment.”

    “Could you please ask him? I promise I'll leave if the answer is no.”

    A sigh. “Fine. Who should I tell him is here?”

    “Karl Mordo.”

    When she emerged from Kaecilius's office, Becky looked to be shocked. “Well, I wasn't expecting that. He says you can come in.”

    “Thank you.” And before he lost his nerve, Karl opened the door and walked in.

    The first sight in many years he had of the man he had once wanted to spend his life with was somewhat uneasy. Kaecilius was sitting behind his desk, with the amused expression that Karl had found to be endearing in the past but now stirred no emotion in him at all. As was the norm, he was wearing an expensive business suit. The office was decorated in much the same manner it had been the last time he'd been there – a great number of legal books, articles on the walls talking about his career and successes, and several framed awards for his work. Karl was reminded of Stephen in some way by the sight of the honors. Stephen had said he was boastful in the past about his surgical work, but he couldn't imagine him outfitting his own space with such markers. It was funny in a way, how one thought of himself as proud and arrogant and the other did not.

    A smirk grew on Kaecilius's face as he spoke to Karl for the first time in years. “Karl. It's so good to see you. What brings you in today?” He remembered the look he'd seen on the man's face when he'd finally stopped denying his unfaithfulness. Something about his expression now brought it back.

    Karl was not amused. “Drop it, Kaecilius. I think you damn well know why I'm here. After everything I told you about my family – how could you possibly work with my mother like this? You know Astrid would suffer living with them.”

    “Well, wouldn't you say that Astrid deserves to have a female influence in her life? If her own mother isn't able to bother with raising her, shouldn't someone who's willing to step up to the plate be better for her? You know how I feel about mothers and children, Karl. That maternal bond is the most important of all for a child to have.”

    Karl wanted to punch him. “I don't remember you having any problems with Astrid's care when we were seeing each other. Besides, this isn't just about her. There's someone new in my life – and I promise, he's a far better man than you ever could be. The whole process of going to court is going to hurt Stephen. He's already suffering enough. I implore you, if you have even the slightest trace of feelings left for me to withdraw from the case. Do you know how much pain it will cause me if I watch the man I love fall apart mentally?”

    Kaecilius's face took on an expression that made Karl feel a sense of dread. “But this isn't about him. It's about Astrid. And your foolish affection for that man is blinding you to what harm might be done to her.” He reached down, and the sound of one of his desk drawers opening could be heard. Karl could see something in his hand, but what it was wasn't visible. “After all, would you really want your daughter being cared for by someone who would do things like this?” With a flourish of his hands, the item he had pulled out became clear, to Karl's horror.

    It was pictures of Stephen. Pictures showing Stephen engaging in a wide variety of sexual acts, sometimes with another person clearly in the shot (although no faces but his could be seen) and sometimes alone. Karl wasn't entirely unfamiliar with the idea of taking these kinds of photos – having a relationship with a photographer lent itself to that sort of thing. But the photos Lilia had taken were good-natured, with clear pleasure being visible on the faces of those involved. In some of these photos Stephen looked frightened, in others he looked to be in pain, and in what was perhaps the worst of all there were the ones where he had no expression on his face at all. It was like he had departed from his body in some way.

    Karl couldn't breathe for a moment. He looked at Kaecilius, and asked “Where did you get these?” But it was adding up in his head – the words upon their breakup, the STD that had triggered said breakup, and the cruel expression he now saw on his former lover's face. “ _You_ ,” he gasped. “ _You_ took these pictures!”

    He expected at least some form of perfunctory denial. Instead Kaecilius just gave a low chuckle, and said “Didn't you listen to me last time, Karl? There are people you take home, and there are the ones you fuck. You can guess which category he falls into.” He picked up one of the photos. “This one's one of my favorites. I took it the same day we had our first date. Keeping these around is almost as good as having him there. I do love having an image to help with my pleasure. Tell me, has he showed all the things he can do? Or has he just told you about his past adventures? That's almost as much fun as using him is.”

    The whole dehumanizing way Kaecilius spoke of Stephen made Karl's fury grow even more. “So you were seeing him the whole time we were together. And you...” He couldn't go on. The photos remained on the desk, and in one of them Karl could see Stephen was gagged with a tie he remembered giving Kaecilius at one time. The idea of such a gift being used to degrade one he now loved in such a way felt like he'd played a role in causing harm. Stephen's words before their date about not loosening or removing his tie now sent shudders through him. Thinking of Stephen's nightmares, and the flashback he'd had in the living room, Karl asked “How could you do this?”

    “Come on, Karl. I couldn't possibly do some of the things I did with him with someone like you. You're the kind of person you have a real relationship with. The slut's just someone to fuck.”

    Every word was making it worse and worse. “You have no right to call Stephen that. Did you even know why he was doing what he did?”

    “For his little brat of a son, of course. If he'd only agreed to get rid of him I might have taken him in. Imagine, having your own plaything to use as you wish, whenever you want. He screams so nicely, you know. I can still remember the night when we had a party. Brought a few people to play. So many different ways to have fun. That might be something for you to try, Karl. Invite your friends over, and let them try whatever it is they'd like. Such a good time.”

    The mentions of the party made Karl realize that Kaecilius was describing the incident Stephen had told him about following his attempt at suicide. The shame in his voice and demeanor as Stephen had told Karl about what happened went through his mind over and over. “That was you? You set him up to be hurt like that?”

    “He loved it. Got off more than I would have thought he might. He's always best when you can make him feel it. And he got some more customers out of it. He should've been grateful I helped him out.” He switched topics abruptly. “You know, Karl, I don't know why you're so upset with me. It was because of him that we ended things. Everything would have been perfect if he hadn't ruined it. I made sure he paid for it.”

    “Nothing would have been perfect even if you'd been smart enough to use protection! I would have been letting a monster into my life! Tell me, did you ever let him say no?”

    Kaecilius smiled his cruel smile once again. “Stupid whores do whatever you want. They aren't like us. It's all about what _I_ want. If he was a better man, then he would get to make some choices, wouldn't he? Oh, and do you still have that watch?”

    The question seemed out of place. “Why do you want to know that?”

    The delight in his face bode ill for Karl. “You might want to show it to him. Don't let him keep it – after all, no one really loves him anymore.” 

    It was all too much for Karl. In a final expression of fury, he grabbed one of the framed articles and threw it to the ground. “I swear, I will destroy you. You damaged Stephen beyond measure, and I will fight with every once of my being to see you pay.” He stormed out, yelling “And you'll never take Astrid from me! I will keep her safe!”

* * *

 

    Karl sat in his car for some time after the disastrous encounter in Kaecilius's office. 

    He thought that he'd heard enough to shock him in regards to Stephen's past, but what he'd learned today stunned him.

    It had been bad enough having thought of the ones who had caused such damage to him as being faceless entities, that never had any traits other than a willingness to cause harm, but now he could put a face to at least one of them. To make things even worse, the face wasn't just someone he knew distantly. It was Kaecilius, whom he'd thought at one time was the right person for him to spend his life with.

    Learning said person had been cheating on him with someone had hurt Karl when he'd found it out. Yet now that betrayal felt minuscule compared to what he had heard today. Kaecilius hadn't just cheated on him: he had been using a homeless sex worker who was trying to make ends meet and provide for his son. And judging by the content of some of the photos, Stephen had been physically abused at the very least on a fairly regular basis. The way Kaecilius had spoken of him told Karl there had been verbal abuse as well, and it wasn't too much of a reach to guess that things had gone worse at times.

    He started his car, and tried to focus on the road. But Karl's thoughts kept going back to Stephen. How had he been treated after the break-up? He knew Kaecilius had been angry when he had refused to see him after their final fight, so was it possible that he'd used Stephen as a target for his anger?

    It completely baffled him that he'd never realized his partner was capable of anything like this. If anything, Karl had always been the one trying to get things a little more adventurous, asking Kaecilius to branch out a bit more in the bedroom. Now he wondered if the reason he declined was because he saw anything out of the norm as being something you did to a man like Stephen. After all, he was just “someone you fuck”.

    Karl knew he had to talk to someone about what had just happened. And there was only one real choice for that. As soon as he was parked at home, he pulled out his phone and punched in the familiar numbers. The voice on the other end was just as soothing as it had been when they first met. “Pat McCarthy speaking.”

    “Pat, this is Karl. I really need to speak with you.” He had to stop himself from pouring out the entire story before there could be any response.

    “It's always good to hear from you, Karl, even though I don't think it's for a good reason. Let me ask you something right now: is this an emergency? Are you in any kind of danger?”

    Well, he did need to speak with Pat soon, but it wasn't a life or death situation. “No. But I need to talk to you soon. I just learned something that's very distressing to me.”

    “I'm glad to hear that.” There was a genuine relief to be found in Pat's voice. “Alright then, this is what I want to do: I'm going to let you go for now, and I'll call back in an hour or so. I have some things that need to be taken care of, but as soon as I can I will be with you. I'm sorry for whatever you found out, Karl.”

    Karl already felt a little better for having gotten word that Pat would be there to listen soon. He went up to the apartment, where Stephen was waiting for him. “How did your errand go?”

    “Not well. I'm expecting a call in an hour or so. When I get the call, I'd like some privacy. It's nothing against you – it's just that it's personal and I need to be alone for a while.” Karl didn't think that you usually needed to let people know why you wanted a private conversation, but with Stephen's fragile sense of self-worth it made sense to let him know it wasn't a slight on him.

    Stephen nodded. “I hope that it's nothing too bad.”

    It was something quite bad in Karl's mind, but he wasn't sure how Stephen would see it. He gave him a smile, and retreated to his room. Once inside, he tried to occupy himself with anything that might take his mind off what had happened.

    He had never been so grateful as he was when he heard the phone ring. “Okay, Karl. Now we can talk. What happened?”

    Starting from the beginning, he said “Do you remember when I told you about Stephen?”

    “Yes, the father of Astrid's friend. What happened with him?”

    “Several months ago I found out that he was homeless, and was prostituting himself in order to survive. I got him and his son to move in with us, but there's been a great deal of trouble. Stephen's been hurt by a lot of people, and he's seeing a psychiatrist for a while now. I've told him that I have feelings for him, and he feels the same, but doesn't think he's good enough for me. And my mother, to make things even worse, found out I'm living with Stephen and went to a lawyer to get custody of Astrid.”

    Pat said “That's really a lot on your plate right now. What made your mother decide to go to court? Just you living with another man isn't going to fly nowadays. Did she find out about what things were like for him before?”

    The hard part was coming up now. “Yes. Her lawyer is Kaecilius.” Karl stopped, letting it sink in. “Do you remember when we broke up? How he cheated on me and got an STD? Can you guess who gave it to him?”

    The alarm in his voice was clear. “Oh no. Was he hiring Stephen?”

    “Not only that. He had pictures. Pictures of Stephen doing any number of things. And he talked about him like you would talk about an object. He mentioned a party that I heard about from Stephen at one point. Pat, if you'd seen the way Stephen looked when he talked about it... What he had to do was horrible, and he said it wasn't even the worst thing to ever happen to him. Do you know what he told me after I learned he was a sex worker? That he'd been raped ten times, including the night before. Ten times! Ten!” Karl knew he was shouting as he spoke, but it was the first time he had used the right words to describe what Stephen had endured.

    Pat answered in his usual understanding manner. “It’s a sad fact that people who are sex workers are at far higher a risk than the average person of sexual assault. The number you gave doesn’t surprise me. And then after it happens once, the risk continues to go up. I suspect I know the answer already, but how is Stephen doing now?”

    “Not good. He’s in therapy, and he has flashbacks and nightmares. He thinks everything that happened to him is his fault. He takes medication, and while he’s eating more now there hasn’t been much change in his mood.” Karl felt frustrated as he gave Pat the update. “And now it kills me to learn that Kaecilius is partially responsible for his problems.”

    “Yeah. It was bad enough to learn that he was cheating on you, but this takes things to another level. Do you know anything about what happened between the two of them?”

    “The only thing Stephen’s told me is about a party he went to. Kaecilius had him dress in women’s clothes and let a group of people along with himself do whatever they wanted – as long as they didn’t make him bleed.” The memory still stung. “He did give Stephen a little extra – one dollar over his normal rate. And he made sure he enjoyed it.”

    “By your words, can I infer that he made Stephen climax?”

    “He never put it that way, but it was pretty clear what he meant.”

    “That’s always one of the hardest things that can happen to a victim. Even if you know that it’s purely a physical reaction, most people will think it means they wanted it.” Karl suspected that Pat was speaking from experience in dealing with victims. He changed gears at that point. “Karl, do you want to come in for a session at some point soon?”

    “Very much yes. I’m afraid of how I’m going to cope with learning how much of a monster Kaecilius really was.”

    “Okay. Let me know time is good for you, and we’ll meet. And remember, like always, my phone is open if you need to call. I hope that we can work with this very soon.” 

    Karl didn't make plans for a specific time, knowing that for now his schedule was still uncertain. “I won't forget. Goodbye, Pat.”

    When he left his room it wasn't a big surprise to see Stephen waiting for him. “I was worried about you.”

    Karl had to think about his words very carefully. He knew there was no way he was going to tell Stephen about what he had seen today. The affect on his overall mental health wasn't going to be good if he were to learn the man he loved had seen pictures of some of the things he had done for work. And that didn't even take into account the fact that Stephen could be indirectly responsible for the end of his relationship. Karl didn't blame him in the slightest – judging by what he knew, asking a client if they were seriously seeing anyone would turn out to be a disaster for him. What he said was “I met with my mother's lawyer today.”

    Stephen said “I guess things didn't go well.”

    “No. A part of me was hoping Kaecilius would have some consideration for what we had in the past. But I should have remembered he's not that kind of man. He wants to win, no matter what. Before I loved that about him, his determination. But what does that mean if you can't use your heart as well?”

    “You're asking the wrong person about that. That description could just as easily be applied to me as to Kaecilius. I keep thinking that it's really my own arrogance that caused all this trouble – if I hadn't gotten hurt and ended up on the streets then you wouldn't have to worry about Astrid right now. It always seems to come down to how I make other people suffer, even before I became a doctor.”

    It was the first time Stephen had made any kind of reference to his past, except when he'd said his family was all dead. Karl opted not to pursue the matter any further, because he felt it would send Stephen into one of his withdrawn spells. He did challenge the idea that it was his fault this had all happened. “If I hadn't met you, I would still be looking for that special person I want to spend my life with. You can't blame yourself for everything, Stephen.”

    He quietly said “But I do cause most of the problems in my life. And those problems tend to spill over and effect other people. I need to take responsibility for that.”

    Karl couldn't help himself. He reached over and wrapped Stephen in a hug, being careful to monitor how he reacted. “You are doing that. Too much, in my mind.” He was glad to see no sign of fear or unease in the other man. He made sure to keep his hands in the region that had been deemed okay at all times.

    Stephen leaned his head on Karl's shoulder. “It's funny. I still don't want you to touch me like... before... but this is nice. But I wonder, how you feel about it. I wish I could give you more.”

    “And I want to give you more. You deserve the world, Stephen.” Karl wished he could say more, and keep Stephen in a bubble of safety where no one could hurt him and the past would be a distant echo. 

    But that was only a dream.

 

 


	22. Family Matters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl meets with his lawyer to arrange a meeting. Astrid learns some disturbing truths, and Stephen receives a message from a familiar source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There might be a bit of a gap between this chapter and the next, because I'm considering writing a prompt fill for Christmas.
> 
> So all three of you readers may have to wait. (Kidding, I think.)

    The office of Lily Tate couldn't have possibly been more different than Kaecilius's was. Her office was filled with clutter, and the only adornment on the walls was her law school diploma. Her desk was mostly clear, with a picture of her, two people Karl assumed were her parents, and a man who had to be a sibling. The overall effect was a comfortable feeling.

    As Karl entered the room, he heard Lily engaged in a conversation. “Yes Mom, I know when Christie's concert is. Of course I'm going to be there. I'm just glad she's in New York so I can see her. Yeah, I know that. And if you get the chance, tell Uncle Jimmy he was right about the faucet and what was causing the trouble. I love you too. I'll see you and Dad then. Bye.” She ended her call and said with a smile “Family matters. Can't go and ignore your mother when she calls you.”

    Karl returned her smile and said “Honestly, I wouldn't know about that.”

    “Trust me, ever since I started practicing law I want to go down on my knees and be grateful I've got a semi-normal family. It's a big benefit. So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?”

    “I may have made a bit of a mistake. I went to see Kaecilius in a rather misguided attempt to see if I could get him to withdraw from the case. It didn't work out according to plan, as you might guess.”

    “You're right. That was a colossally stupid decision. From what I've seen of Kaecilius, he will never back down. Did he say anything indicating that things will be worse from now on?” Lily clearly didn't sugar-coat things, but she also didn't seem to be excessively angry to Karl.

    “No.” He did wonder if he should mention the photos, but admitted he didn't feel able to share them with someone he still didn't know all that well.

    “Then hopefully we can look at it as just being a bad move. Well, you've told me what you wanted to say, so I'm going to tell you what I would like to see: I believe you should let Astrid visit with her grandmother for a period of time. Nothing too lengthy, but they should meet up soon.”

    Karl was confused by this. “Why?”

    “There are two major reasons why I would like to do this. First of all, it demonstrates to a judge that you are willing to work with your mother in regards to Astrid. Even though her reasons might not be good, cooperation is always looked upon very well in court. If you show a willingness to negotiate, and your mother does not, it gives you a leg up in any proceedings. And that brings me to my second reason: there's a chance that your mother might slip up at some point.”

    Karl asked “What if she takes Astrid back home? She's already tried to kidnap her once. I won't put it beyond her to do it again. I'm not willing to take the risk of that.”

    Lily responded in a calm voice by saying “I understand your concern. Remember though, she also is going to want to put on a good performance for the court. So if she's smart – and I'm certain she is – then she won't try anything like that now. What we do need to watch out for is what she says. Let's just say she comes out and tells Astrid the full reason why she's trying to get custody. That puts a big hole in her argument that she's worried about the harm living with Stephen is going to cause, because you feel that giving out that kind of information isn't good for her at this time. Even if she just bad-mouths Stephen without saying anything about his prior work, you can still say then that unless your mother is willing to refrain from talking about that then you can't allow her access to Astrid.”

    It made sense. “What should I tell Astrid about that?”

    “Just that she's going to be meeting with her grandmother. If you need to, tell her that you think they should get to know each other at some point. After the visit, see if she says anything. If Astrid starts to treat Stephen differently, then call me and we can move forward from there. Also do the same if she appears to have been made uncomfortable or afraid by the visit.”

    “Should I go to my mother directly, or have you speak to her?”

    “Directly is best. With your worries about kidnapping, tell her that Astrid's passport – if she has one – is in your possession and won't be going anywhere anytime soon. And tell her to be civil, for Astrid's sake. Good luck with everything, Karl.”

* * *

 

    Astrid was really scared right now.

    Daddy had talked to her about how she was going to be visiting with her grandmother after school today. She'd never seen her before, but didn't think she was very nice if she wanted to take her from Daddy and Stephen. Astrid didn't understand why it was a bad thing for Stephen to be living with them, so bad that her grandmother wanted her to live someplace else. Maybe she could tell her about how nice Stephen was and how he made Daddy happy. That might help things.

    Her first glimpse of her grandmother was of someone who looked very important. She had skin almost the exact same color as her own, short hair, and was wearing very nice clothes with jewelry. Astrid liked her skirt, it had purple patterns in it. She'd never seen someone who wore a necklace like Grandmother did, with a big diamond right in the middle of it. Her first words were “Oh Astrid. It's so good to finally meet you. I have so much to share with you.” She didn't feel very good hearing her say that. It was funny, because the words weren't really anything bad, but they didn't feel very nice.

    “Hello Grandmother,” was her answer. “I'm glad to meet you too.” Daddy had told her she should be polite when she first met Grandmother. “You should be respectful,” he told her.

    She smiled, and that didn't feel nice either. “I can see your father's taught you well about proper behavior. Not that he's a crowning example of such, but remember you come from noble blood, Astrid. Never forget how that makes you above most people.” They were walking over to the street, and Astrid wondered what she meant by noble blood. Was she really a princess or queen? 

    They got into a cab, and her grandmother kept talking. “I have so many things I should do for you. How much has your father told you about your heritage?”

    Astrid wasn’t sure how she should answer the question. “Daddy’s told me where everybody comes from. And Bunică, she tells me stories sometimes about my mother and what it was like when she was growing up.”

    Grandmother gave a snort. “I don’t mean what the gypsy woman came from. I mean your father’s background. Do you know how long the Krowler family has been involved in major affairs? My father could tell you so much more. Hopefully soon I’ll be able to share all of it with you.”

    Astrid asked “Where are we going?”

    “Shopping, of course. Look at the way you’re dressed – it shows me just how little your father cares about raising you properly. He even lets you go to a public school! Who knows what kind of people you can meet there?” Astrid thought that she wasn’t really talking to her right now. “Too busy spending time with that slut of his to devote himself to your education. How could he let a man like that into his life?”

    Astrid didn’t know what that word meant, but she knew that her grandmother was talking about Stephen. And whatever it meant, it had to be something bad because of the way she looked when she said it. It made her feel funny. She wondered why Grandmother didn’t like Stephen. Maybe she could tell her about how nice Stephen was, and then she’d like him more. “I like my school. Julie’s real nice. She’s my best friend.”

    There was no answer. Astrid tried to pay attention to where they were going. The store they had just arrived at looked like it was one of those really expensive places that Daddy only went to if he needed something really special. “Well, here’s our first stop. After this, your father will be embarrassed at how poorly he’s outfitted you.” Astrid was confused. What was wrong with what she was wearing? Most kids at school were wearing jeans and a sweater like she was. Should she be wearing dresses?

    The first person she saw was a woman who looked like she wore a lot of nice things. “Sara! I didn’t know you were in the states again! This must be Astrid.” The woman looked her over. “Where did her father get those things, Wal-Mart? That’s just not right. If it was up to you she’d look every bit the proper heir.”

    “What's wrong with my clothes?”

    “You are the daughter of a baron. Your wardrobe should reflect that. Look at your grandmother. She is always wearing the best designers of the day. She will never have to worry that some stranger on the streets will be wearing the exact same thing. That is how you should conduct yourself.”

    Astrid wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes it was nice to see somebody who had the same thing as you, but she was a little afraid to say that. Some of the stuff Grandmother was showing her looked nice, but the things they'd said about Daddy made her not want them very much. Then she got asked a bit of a funny question. Her grandmother looked at her and said “Can you tell me about what your father's doing with the man he has now?”

    “They talk. They went out for dinner once. And Stephen sleeps in Daddy's room now. He's real nice. He plays with me, and listens when I want to read to someone.” Astrid chose not to say anything about how sad Stephen got or the scary stuff that happened when she tagged him. She thought it might be bad to say that.

    “Well, I guess your father isn't all that different than other men. Doesn't always think with his big head.” Both her and the woman getting the clothes laughed, but Astrid didn't know what was so funny.

     Even though Grandmother kept telling her how much better her new clothes were, she thought they looked pretty much the same as the ones she already had. “Astrid, do you like it?” was a constant refrain. If she said yes, then the outfit was put aside to be bought. She now had more new clothes than Daddy had ever gotten her at one time. Astrid had wondered sometimes what it would be like to buy whatever you liked all at once, but it didn't feel as nice as she had imagined it would. At one point she was asked “Has your father bought any clothes for that man?” She said yes, because Daddy had gotten Stephen some new things. Grandmother smiled after hearing that, but it wasn't a nice smile. “I suppose if he's not paying the whore in the usual way then he's got to try something else. I do hope he's worth his fee.” Then she laughed. Astrid now didn't want to be here anymore. She didn't know what a whore was or why her grandmother called Stephen that, but it couldn't have been anything good. 

    From that point onward Astrid just said she liked everything until they were done. She didn't want the clothes anymore, she just wanted to go home. She was really scared now that she would get taken from Daddy, because living with her grandmother wouldn't be fun at all. If she had to leave she didn't think she would ever get to see Stephen or Donny again. Thinking about it made her want to cry.

    Grandmother either didn't know how sad she was or didn't care. “And where do you want to go next, Astrid dear?” Calling her dear didn't feel nice like when Daddy called her honey or darling. It felt kind of sick.

    “I don't know.” She wanted to go home, but that wouldn't be nice to say.

    “How about we get something to eat? Won't that be fun?” Astrid wasn't hungry, but she just nodded and let Grandmother take her away.

    The place they went to was just as nice as the clothes store, but nobody seemed to know her grandmother there. “Order whatever you like, dear.”

    There was ice-cream on the menu, so Astrid chose that. As she ate, she was peppered with questions about what kinds of toys she had. “My favorite's either Baloo or Josefina. I just got her for Christmas.”

   “And what did you get from your father's friend?” 

    Astrid wished she would call Stephen by his name. “I didn't get anything from Stephen. He wasn't living with us then, and he didn't have a lot of money for presents.”

    “But I bet you got him something, didn't you? And I'm certain he got something for your father. It's too bad that it was such a used-up gift.” Astrid didn't remember seeing Daddy get anything from Stephen. And why would it be bad to get something old?

    That was something she felt bold enough to ask about. “Why is it bad if Stephen gives Daddy something old?”

    “It's not about age, Astrid dear. It's about value. Sluts like that never can give themselves in a special way. Remember that. And besides, what if he'd made your father sick? The whore's spread enough disease around to decent people already!”

    Astrid put down her spoon. She now more than ever wanted to go home. Grandmother was still using the same words to talk about Stephen, and she looked so angry when she said them. “Can I go home now? I don't feel good.”

    “Please, let's just make one more stop. Then I'll call your father, and he can come get you. He should have known not to send you today if you weren't well. Probably wanted to spend some free time playing around.”

    Their final stop was at the American Girl store. Grandmother picked out a lot of doll clothes for Josefina, although Astrid knew most of them weren't the ones she wore. The only thing she liked about it was the bed she got there. Daddy had thought it was silly to have a bed just for a doll, so it was kind of nice to get one. She said “Thank you, Grandmother,” when they were done even though she didn't feel grateful at all.

    “It was a pleasure, Astrid. And just think, if you come live with me we could do things like this all the time!”

    Living with her grandmother hadn't seemed like much fun before, but now Astrid knew she wanted to stay with Daddy and Stephen. When she saw their car coming over to the sidewalk she raced over to get in. If Grandmother said something after that, she didn't hear it.

* * *

 

    Karl had known from the start that the visit wasn't likely to go well. As he expected, Astrid looked like she had gotten a lot of gifts, which was something Mother did quite well. If being a good parent boiled down to how much you were able to give materially, Sara Krowler would be a candidate for mother of the year. 

    The best outcome he thought might result from the visit was Astrid having a good time without having to hear too much about what a horrible person Stephen was. As she got in the car with all her bags, Karl asked “How was your visit, hon?”

    The question was an immediate trigger for tears. Astrid began to cry, and said, “Daddy, I don't want to see Grandmother again.”

    He was afraid of why this was so. “Can you tell me why you don't want to see her again? Did she say something you didn't like?”

    Her response confirmed his worst fears. “She said bad things about Stephen. She said he was a whore and a slut. I don't know what they are, but I think they're bad things. Why does she hate Stephen so much?”

    Karl wanted to curse his mother for putting him in this situation. If she was willing to argue that just having Stephen live in the same household as Astrid was going to cause her harm, then why on earth was it a good idea to allude to Stephen's past of sex work? He had not planned on telling any of this to Astrid unless something came up, in which case he would do his best to explain things in a manner a child might understand. Now he had to think of how he could tell Astrid about this. “Astrid, do you mind if we stopped for a drink or something?”

    She still looked upset. “I'm not hungry.”

    “You don't have to get anything. I just want to have a place where we can sit down and talk for a while.”

    “Why can't we talk at home?”  

    “Because some of the things we need to talk about are kind of hard to say, and it's a little easier to do it someplace else.” The other issue was having Stephen and Donny around. Karl didn't want Donny to have to hear this now, and Stephen would likely be filled with even more guilt for Karl having to have this talk now. 

    He opted to stop at McDonalds, in large part due to not wanting to have a server interrupt the conversation he needed to have with Astrid. Karl ordered a cup of coffee, but Astrid didn’t want anything. Once they were seated in a booth, he was able to begin. “Astrid, do you remember when we talked about where babies come from?” People who said that was the toughest talk you ever would have with your child had clearly never had to talk about something like this.

    “Yeah, about how mommies and daddies do stuff and later on the mommy has a baby.” Karl hadn’t gone too in-depth into what the process entailed, but Astrid hadn’t been too interested in the subject beyond what she was hearing in any event.

    Now it was time for the hard part. “Well, grown-ups like to do those things sometimes even when they aren’t trying to have a baby. And sometimes…” He still could not believe he was having to explain prostitution to his nearly seven year-old child. “Sometimes grown-ups go and pay people to do those sort of things with them. Some people call them whores.” Saying the words was almost impossible right now. Karl didn’t know what he would say if he had to relate them to Stephen.

    Astrid sat quietly for a few moments. When she looked up, there were tears in her eyes. “Daddy?”

    “Yes?”

    “Was Stephen one of those people?”

    The truth was out now. Maybe now Karl could talk about some of the pain it entailed. “Yes, he was.”

    “Why?”

    “Because after he got hurt, he lost all his money trying to fix his hands. Then he didn’t have a place to live, he met Donny’s mom and had to take care of him after he was born. There wasn’t any other way he could get money. So one day, somebody said they’d give him some money for doing those things. He said yes, and then a lot of things happened. People did things that hurt Stephen very badly.”

    “What did they do?”

    “They called him names, or hit him, or touched him in places he didn’t want to be touched.” Karl could feel a few tears of his own falling from his eyes. “All of that made him feel bad about himself. Stephen thinks he's a bad person because so many people hurt him before.”

    Astrid asked what must have seemed like an obvious question to her. “Why does Stephen feel bad if other people hurt him? Wasn't it their fault?”

    “Astrid, one of the first things that people who hurt others do is make the person they're hurting think it's all their fault. When they do that, then they can feel better about what they are doing. But someone like Stephen ends up hurting even more, because he thinks he could have done something different to keep from being hurt.”

    “Then why didn't he tell anybody that people were hurting him? They tell us in school we should tell somebody if you get hurt.”

    Karl struggled to think of a way to explain the situation without having to go into detail. After a while, he came up with an analogy that worked. “Let's say that you needed some money to get food one day. And then somebody said they'd give you money if you let them hit you in the arm. You really don't want to be hit, but it's not going to hurt too much if they do it, so you let them. But one day, they start hitting you in the stomach instead. When you ask them to stop, they tell you that it's against the law to let someone hit you like that, so you can't go to the police without getting in trouble. Maybe the person hitting you says that if you really didn't want to get hit in the stomach you wouldn't have let them hit you at all. If that happens enough, you're going to think they were right and you let people do that to you. So even though you didn't do anything really wrong, you think that it's your fault.”

    Astrid digested what Karl told her. “Is stuff like that why Stephen has to take medicine now?”

    “Yes. He also is seeing a doctor who helps him out with his feelings. It's hard for him to deal with things, because sometimes if he sees something that reminds him of when he was being hurt Stephen feels like he's back to when it first happened to him.”

    “Is that what happened when I tagged him? I really didn't want to hurt him, Daddy.”

    “I know you didn't, and Stephen knows it too. Just so you don't feel so bad about it, I did the same thing once.” Karl hoped that Astrid wouldn't feel guilty anymore if she knew her daddy had done the same thing before.

    “Did you touch him on the back?”

    “No, I made a tuna sandwich. Someone who hurt him used to eat a lot of tuna, and he sometimes gave Stephen part of the sandwich. When he ate it, it made him think about when he was being hurt, and he got sick.”

    “I guess that that's why we don't have tuna anymore.” Astrid had mostly ceased crying at this point, but she still had a sad look on her face. “But why did Grandmother say things like that about him? I bet she'd like Stephen if she got to know him better.”

    Now came the tricky part. Karl knew the truth, that nothing would make Sara like Stephen, because he had fallen too far in society to ever be the kind of person she approved of. And nothing would make her stop saying such things, because the only person who mattered to Sara Krowler was herself. Since what she had said was true, she would see no reason not to tell Astrid about Stephen's past in the crudest terms, no matter how much her grandchild was hurt by them. “If that were to happen, I would be a very happy man. But I don't think it's very likely.”

    Astrid looked at him with longing in her eyes. “I wish everybody in my family liked each other and we didn't have problems like this.”

    “There's nothing wrong with wanting that. I wish my mother would be happy that Stephen and Donny are living with us now. Thinking like that shows you're a good kid, Astrid. Remember that, no matter what happens here.”

    There was one final question asked when they returned to the car. “Daddy? What should I tell Stephen? I want him to know I still like him, but I don't want to make him feel bad.”

    Karl told her “I don't think there's anything you need to do in particular right now. I would like it if you didn't tell Donny about what we've talked about today. At some point Donny is going to have to learn about what happened to his daddy, but there needs to be a good time to explain everything.” Astrid might mean well if she told Donny the whole story, but she wouldn't be able to deal with the fallout those revelations might cause.

    “I promise I won't tell Donny anything. I don't want him to have to know those sad things.”

    Karl felt gratitude for his daughter's heart. It made him more determined than ever to keep her with him. The kindness she was able to display would be crushed out of her by his family, and the loss of that would be unmeasurable.

 

* * *

 

    Stephen was afraid for what might happen during Astrid's visit with her grandmother. He feared in large part for Astrid's welfare, because from what he had learned from Karl Sara was not going to show any measure of affection towards her granddaughter unless it served her own purposes. Then there was the issue of what she might hear.

    Karl's mother thinking badly of him wasn't a surprise. How many parents would be thrilled to find out that their only child was now involved with a former whore? If that wasn't bad enough, Stephen could point to how much of an ass he was, how he acted selfishly so much of the time. He suspected that if Sara Krowler had been a better woman she still would try to get Karl to see reason and have Stephen leave his life at once.

    The best course of action, he knew, would be to leave Karl and remove the problem before it reached a courtroom. Two things stopped him from acting: first of all, Stephen didn't know where he would go if he had to leave his new home. The only other choice he had besides going back to the streets was taking up the offer his first connection had made on multiple occasions. He would then have a roof over his head and food to eat, in exchange for being the man's sex slave. But as always, his own selfishness won out. Stephen could almost feel the sensations of tree bark against his back whenever he contemplated accepting the offer. But it couldn't always be as bad as that time in the woods had been, right?

    An even bigger factor that kept him in place was Karl. He knew that he loved him more than he had ever loved a romantic partner in his life, and just being with him made Stephen feel safe. They had yet to do anything beyond hugging and that one kiss, for which he felt a mixture of guilt and relief. Guilt, for not being able to offer himself sexually as he had to so many others. He should forget about how he felt and focus on making Karl feel good instead. In the days before he had lived on the street, Stephen had thought of himself as a good lover. Given who he was, there was a pretty good chance that he hadn't made his partners as happy as he could have, but his connections normally seemed to be pleased with his efforts on their behalf. So there was a good chance Karl would enjoy him.

    But he made no effort to have Stephen perform for him. That was where the relief came in. Stephen had played out various scenarios for how his attempts at starting a sex life with Karl would go. Sometimes he couldn't even begin to take his clothes off before getting sick. In others he managed to do something, but the worst ones were the ones when Karl started to act like one of his connections. This was a situation that played itself out in his dreams far too often. Most of the dreams began the same way, with Stephen working to please Karl even though he felt sick doing it. Then Karl would get angrier and angrier, and Stephen would see him push him down on his back. From that point what happened didn't bear thinking about.

    The sound of the door shutting meant that Karl and Astrid were back. He went over to greet them and asked Astrid “How was your visit?” She had several bags of things with her, but didn't look to be really happy with them.

    “I don't want to go back. Grandmother should learn to be nicer.” She asked Karl, “Daddy, do I have to keep the things she got me?”

    “Not if you don't want to. There are other people who might need some of those things more than we do. If you want to keep something, then you can, but don't think you have to keep all of it because your grandmother got it for you.”

    “I want the doll bed I got, but not the clothes and stuff.” She told Stephen “I think if I have to see Grandmother again I'll ask her to get you something nice.” With that being said, Astrid went to her room.

    Stephen asked Karl “I take it things didn't go well?”

    “No.” He looked down. “She told Astrid about you.”

    Dread grew in the pit of his stomach. “So she knows everything.”

    “I told Astrid what I could tell her. She was mostly confused because she didn't understand the words Mother called you. I can safely tell you that she still thinks very highly of you. Learning what happened to you didn't change that at all.”

    Stephen was going to say something, but that was interrupted by his phone ringing. He was surprised to see that he'd just gotten a message from a familiar number. The message consisted of a picture of a can of gasoline in the woods, and the words “Thinking of you...”

    “Who was calling?” Karl asked him.

    “Wrong number.” Stephen hoped that nothing would come of it. There was no way his connection could know where he lived now.

    He was safe, he repeated to himself. He was safe now.

 


	23. Mementos and Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl gets some support, and Kaecilius remembers the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad to be back at this now that my holiday fic has been posted.
> 
> Warnings: Kaecilius is really, really, creepy.

    Pat always enjoyed meeting with his old clients under good circumstances. Thankfully, the majority of people who he saw didn't need to been seen for their entire lives. He was not the first choice for those who needed more long-term support, but most people in therapy didn't need that level of attention.

    Karl Mordo definitely fell into the later category. When they'd first met, he had been an angry young man who was brimming with fury over the horrible truths he had learned about his family. Pat's first actions had been to help Karl to understand why he was feeling so angry, and from there he was able to let go of it. It had been three years ago when they had mutually agreed to hold their sessions on an as-needed basis as opposed to on a more regular schedule. Karl had changed a great deal since they had first met roughly twenty years ago: while he still felt anger over the actions of his family it no longer consumed him, he had matured from an intensely rigid nature to one allowing flexibility, and he could look on himself as being a successful parent to a wonderful daughter. Pat attributed most of this to his efforts on changing himself, even while Karl gave him all the credit.

    Today was going to be a different story. What Karl had told him about his meeting with Kaecilius had shocked him. During the sessions they had while the two were dating, Karl had been filled with praise for his boyfriend. He had made remarks saying that their love life was a bit too bland for his tastes, but overall things were going well. Learning the man had been cheating on him had come as an unwelcome surprise, and Pat remembered the hurt on his client's face as he recounted the events leading to their break up. But even in the sadness of those events there had been hope. Karl didn't go back to Kaecilius, even though he had made a concentrated effort to win him back. He had set his boundaries, and would not tolerate having them crossed. Pat saw this as a sign of mental well-being, not letting others take advantage of you.

    Seeing Karl walk in was a reminder of how serious all of this was. The last time they had met Karl had been all smiles, talking about how he planned on spending the holidays and on the gift he was getting for the father of Astrid's friend. Pat wasn't certain whether it was anger, sorrow, or a mixture of both that dominated his manner right now.

    It was best to start small. He said “How have you been?”

    The dam broke. Karl started to shake, and with a sweep of his hand knocked several books off of their shelf. He repeated the words “The _bastard_ ,” again and again, fists clenched. Pat opted to say and do nothing, allowing Karl to feel his feelings as he wished.

    When it was all over, Karl sat down and buried his head in his hands. Pat asked “Feeling better?”

    “No.” It was short and to the point.

    “Given everything that's been going on over the last few months, I'm glad to see you're holding up as well as you are. You've found out someone who you care about very much has been through more terrible things than you could possibly imagine, your child could be taken from you, and you've discovered someone you thought you loved in the past was even worse than you believed they were. Plenty of people wouldn't be capable of handling everyday life with all that on their plate, but you haven't crumbled quite that much as of yet. Hopefully I can help you keep it that way.”

    Karl looked up. “I keep going over everything with Kaecilius in my head. How he treated me, what I though he was like, and what I saw in those pictures. Stephen never looked pleased in them, no matter what was happening. I had no idea he would be capable of behaving like that – he was never anything but kind and gentle to me. How is it possible for someone to be so wonderful to one person and be so cruel to someone else? If you had only heard the way he talked about Stephen – it was like he didn't see him as really being human, just an object to be used. How could I have ever thought I loved someone like that?”

    “Unfortunately, that's probably how Kaecilius felt. He saw you as someone who came from a worthy background, who had status and would look good having as a partner. And even though Stephen had most of those things at some point, when they first met he was a homeless person who had to resort to selling his body to get by. Doing the same things with you he did with Stephen would have been degrading in Kaecilius's mind. Not that I think things would have continued to go well if you'd taken things farther, but it does say why you wouldn't see any signs of this while you were together.”

    Karl was quiet as he took in the information. “Well, even if he never intended to hurt me like he would Stephen, that was exactly what he did. Stephen's only told me a little bit of what he did while he was working, and I'm not going to press him for more. I have seen some of the things that bother him now. He can't look at anyone while they use a knife, avoids eating or smelling tuna because someone who hurt him ate it, told me not to wear a suit for our date, and had a flashback when Astrid touched him on the back once. I think that the reason for the suit issue is because Kaecilius always wears them, or at least he did while we were together. The other things besides the tuna one I've got no idea what caused them, and frankly I don't want to know. Does that sound selfish to you?”

    Pat answered by saying “Not really. You know that Stephen's reactions to all those things are the result of traumatic incidents he experienced. Demanding the details about all of them would be selfish, because while it might be good for you to know what caused it it would just as likely be bad for Stephen's mental health to relate them before he's ready to. You did tell me he's getting help. It may be easier for him to talk about his past in a therapeutic venue as opposed to a personal one with you.” 

    “I just always think of what happens in therapy as staying within those walls unless otherwise desired. I think my biggest concern was that I might be disregarding Stephen's needs by ignoring his issues.”

    It was a thing that Pat saw as showing so much of Karl's priorities. “If Stephen needs a listening ear, then let him know you are there for him. Don't worry about details now.” He changed topics. “How is Astrid holding up?”

    “As well as can be expected. She met my mother for the first time, but it didn't turn out well. She called Stephen a whore and a slut. So I had to tell her what those things meant and why she said them. And as I was doing it, I kept thinking that the last thing in the world anyone should have to do is explain the idea of prostitution to their child before they've left first grade. She was upset to learn that Stephen had been hurt in the past so much.”

    “Of course she would. Can you think of anyone who wouldn't be upset hearing that? And what about Stephen's son? What has he been told?”

    “The basics about the court case, and that my mother thinks his father is a bad influence on Astrid. Stephen told me Donny doesn't know anything about how he earned a living before. I haven't been asked why Mother thinks he's so bad for Astrid, and I hope I don't have to deal with that soon. Not just because it would be hard to tell him, but also Donny might get afraid that he'll be taken away as well. Besides, I'd feel like I was taking over Stephen's role in explaining issues like that. It's hard to know what to do when you're taking care of a child that isn't your own.” Karl looked as if this was something that he was spending time thinking about over the last few days or weeks.

    “Do you want to know my honest opinion?”

    A laugh. “If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't have asked you.”

    Now that was something that sounded like the Karl he'd known for so long. “You're right, that was a bit absurd to ask you. But I do think there needs to be some way of talking to Donny about his father's work. I doubt that Astrid's going to let something slip, but it's not fair to ask her to keep what she's learned inside. Has she talked about it with Stephen since she found out?”

    “She told him that it was sad people had hurt him. He didn't say anything to her then, but told me later that he felt guilty for causing her pain.”

    Pat now could look to formulate some kind of plan. “Hearing what Stephen feels about the issue does make me believe that he shouldn't be the one to explain things. Donny's going to be even more confused if he hears his father tell him about things that hurt him but then says it's not a bad thing they happened. Until Stephen reaches a better place mentally, that task should be given to someone else.”

    Karl nodded, and then added “I don't want to have to explain things to Donny either. I still don't know how to handle my role in his life. I try my best to let Stephen do the majority of things he needs, because I know that if I do too much Stephen will just think he doesn't have a place in Donny's life any longer.”

    “I think a good person to talk to him might be Stephen's therapist. Can I ask who he's seeing?”

    “Jericho Drumm.”

    “Yes, Jericho's a good choice. Try putting the idea forward to Stephen. If he's not willing to let Donny know anything right now, put it aside, but keep the issue open. Secrecy in these kinds of matters can only cause trouble in the long term.”

    Now it was Karl's turn to change the subject. “Pat, I'm wondering if it's a good idea to keep from Stephen the fact that Kaecilius was one of his former clients. I can guess it's all going to come up at some point, but at the same time I know that Stephen's fragile enough. He would be devastated to learn that he was indirectly responsible for the end of a relationship of mine, to say nothing of what he would feel about those photos. And what if the two of them meet during the court proceedings? Seeing someone who hurt you in the past now in a position to hurt you again can't be good.”

    All of the things Karl said were issues Pat was worried about as well. “I do think you need to talk to Stephen before he has to meet Kaecilius face-to-face. There's no question in my mind that meeting him unprepared would cause him a tremendous amount of mental strain. He already knows you had a relationship, right?”

    “Yes. When Lily first came to speak with us, she mentioned who Mother's lawyer was. I told her then, so Stephen also knows.”

    Pat placed his hand on his chin. It looked that there were no easy answers to be found here. “The very best thing I can think of having you do is to ask Dr. Drumm if he will let you come into one of Stephen's sessions so that you can tell him what you've learned. It's not likely to be necessary to mention the pictures – just say Kaecilius told you he was one of his former clients. That should be enough.”

    Karl looked like this was all too much. “I just hate feeling like I've failed Stephen in some way. It's pretty ridiculous when I think about it. We didn't even know each other when I was dating Kaecilius. But one of those photos showed him gagged with a tie I had given as a gift. The idea that I played a role in causing him harm bothers me.” The mention of gifts triggered thoughts of another thing. “When I left, Kaecilius told me to show Stephen the watch he gave me. I wonder why he did that.”

    “The watch you're talking about is the one talking about how he loves you, correct? If you made it clear that you now love Stephen during your talk, then I might hazard a guess that Kaecilius thinks that's funny, because to him someone like that is not one you can love. Maybe he thinks that if Stephen sees it he would be reminded of that.”

    Karl looked down. The concept of not being able to love someone because of what they had done appeared foreign to him.

    Pat made the decision to press on with an idea he had been mulling over since Karl had spoken with him recently. “There's one other thing I'd like to propose. You don't have to do it if you feel it would be too hard, but I think it might be wise if you were to try and look into Kaecilius's past.” 

    “Why?”

    He hated having to explain this, yet it was so important. “Because odds are Stephen's not the only one he's done this to. People who are abusive like that aren't just going to limit themselves to one person. There are bound to be others, and that might be a trump card you can use if things go badly.”

    The visible slump in Karl's posture told him how the idea had been received. “If that's the case, how come he never hurt me while we were together?”

    “A few reasons. First of all, you may have just not been with him long enough for things to escalate. Second, it could be that as long as he had someone like Stephen serving as an outlet he didn't have to worry about his behavior heading in that direction. You said that he told you that you were someone to bring home, so maybe Kaecilius saw you as being too good to hurt in any way.”

    “Somehow that feels worse then just having not known him for long enough. It's worse in a way to be thought of as being special enough to not be mistreated. After all, how long could he have know Stephen before deciding he _wasn't_ good enough?”

    “It might have been the moment he learned he was selling himself. That's all it might take.” Pat hoped he could try to end the visit on a slightly better note than it had currently. “Let me close this session by telling you how much you clearly love Stephen. You are still trying your best to hang on to both him and Astrid regardless of what occurs. That tells me how much you care.” There was another thing he wanted to propose. “Karl, you know that I'm involved with several therapy groups, right? There's one I think you might be interested in attending at some point.”

    “What kind of group are we talking about?”

    Pat tried to remain as neutral as possible as he said “For friends and family of sexual assault survivors. With what you've said about your concerns in regards to Stephen, I think it might be helpful for you to hear from people who've been there in the past.”

    Karl didn't speak for a moment. He ended up saying “I know why you're saying it, but every time I hear that phrase I end up feeling sick.”

    “You aren't the only one. Just think it over. And tell Stephen, if you think he might want to hear this, that I'm more than willing to put myself forward and say Astrid will not suffer with him. Neither he nor Astrid should have to be taken from you.” 

    Karl got up and said “And what if I have to choose between them? What if the court tells me unless I make Stephen leave I'll lose Astrid? What then?”

    “You'll cross that barrier when and if it comes. I wish you the very best, Karl. Never forget, my office is always open to you.”

* * *

 

    It was later that same day that Kaecilius arrived at his own home. Not much had happened in any of his cases, and if he'd had the choice he would have ended the day by treating himself. Too bad that option wasn't there anymore.

    Honestly, he still couldn't understand why Karl had been so upset about his bit on the side. True, getting a disease from him had put a bit of a damper on things, but once he'd explained how Karl was important to him, unlike that stupid piece of street trash, then things should have been smoothed over. It had hurt, losing the best chance he had at having a real relationship. Kaecilius had looked since his break-up, but there hadn't been anyone who came close to Karl.

    And of course, now Karl was actually trying to be in a  _relationship_ with the slut! It may have had its merits when it came to pleasure, but how could anyone ever think of having things go farther?

    His mind went towards how he'd met both men. Karl had been every inch relationship material – well dressed, comfortable interacting with people, and had set himself up as a respected member of society. And he'd been attractive as well. The slut had been filthy, begging to get by, and willing to do anything to get some money for itself and its brat. It had been a good thing that it had at least known how to please you. He'd heard that even back when it had been someone you might have taken home it had really gotten around. Not like Karl, who had had some real partners even if they never lasted too long. 

    He wished that he'd done more to it the first time they fucked. Well, you always should give something a test drive, and after that Kaecilius had known he could do quite a lot with it as long as some money exchanged hands. He smiled upon thinking of the time he'd tasted its blood. It was almost like you were cutting a real person. 

    It really all came down to what it had done to him. If he hadn't gotten sick that one time, then there was a good chance things with Karl would still be going well. To be honest, Kaecilius didn't think all that much of relationships. He could get all his needs met via those who were far beneath him, so the physical side of such things wasn't important. But most people looked at you with a better eye if you were seeing someone. And Karl had all the elements you would want to take home with you. Who cared if he wanted them to try more things in the bedroom? That was what the slut was for. 

    The first time they had met was still a fun memory. He'd been going into the office, and had almost passed by the man who was begging without further notice. What had drawn him in had been the sight of the baby leaning against his chest. That told him that he might be desperate. The last plaything he'd had wasn't an option any longer, because the people who sent him had told him under no circumstances was he to come back looking to hire anyone. Why would they care? It wasn't as if he'd sent anyone to the hospital yet.

    Feeling his own needs growing with each day, Kaecilius had given the beggar a once-over. It was quite clearly in need of a bath of some kind, and those clothes were looking pretty frayed, but he could guess that it had been fairly attractive at one point. So he'd stepped forward, and with a feeling of pride had kneeled down before it. “You know, I'll give you fifty dollars if you let me fuck you.”

    There had been no verbal response, just rising to its feet. And it had been the start of a beautiful relationship. Anything he wanted to do, he could. And it was all for a pretty good cost – fifty dollars for hours of entertainment? Where could you get a better deal?

    Now Kaecilius thought about the other prize he'd gotten that day. When all was said and done, he'd only then noticed the watch the slut was wearing. It looked to be worth a few dollars, so why it had sold that instead of begging was a mystery. “What is this?” he'd asked.

    It was the first time he would hear it speak. “Nothing,” had been the far too quick answer.

    Well, that wouldn't do. He'd taken the watch from its wrist, and looked it over. The inscription on the back made him smile. The sentiment there wasn't the case any longer. “Well, time's telling you now  _nobody_ loves you.” It couldn't have been completely true, because that stupid baby probably did love his father. Children had no sense – they nearly always felt love for their parents, even though they brought nothing to the relationship between them. Frankly, it was better to avoid them at all costs.

    So he'd ended that day with a new toy and a watch. The watch wasn't nearly nice enough to wear, so Kaecilius had kept it around as a memento. It wasn't as much fun as his photo collection, but it at least brought a smile to his face. And one day, he'd known exactly what to do with it...

* * *

 

_It was only the second date Kaecilius had had with Karl Mordo. But so far, all signs looked good. He was exactly the type of person who you could bring home, the type he'd been looking for for years now. Hopefully there would come a day in the future when he would always be able to count on having someone to bring to any events he attended, to talk about his partner when he was interviewed about his work, and to show the world how much of a family man he could be. Staying with Karl would require learning to tolerate his daughter, but there was always the chance of being able to work with that. He had talked a bit about being sent away to school as a child, so that idea might work out._

_Tonight would hopefully be the crown of a day that was so far going wonderfully. He'd gotten a chance to have some fun with his toy earlier. Kaecilius had told it that it needed to take a bath, because it had a very bad smell. This wasn't true anymore – over the last few months the slut had become much cleaner, so it had to be bathing somewhere. Where and how, he didn't care. As was always the case, the stupid slut had done exactly as it was told, getting into the bathtub without much hesitation._

_From the moment it felt the water, it looked to be in pain. Kaecilius had made certain that the temperature was as hot as it could possibly get. It had to burn, that first moment of contact. There was a brief sound of pain._

_This wouldn't do at all. “Did I say you could speak? Be quiet.” And he grabbed it by the hair and pulled it down so that only its nose was above the water. This didn't last for very long, because the water was too hot for Kaecilius to keep his hands in it for very long. “If you move, you'll regret it.” Not that he was worried about that – it always did as it was told._

_For the next half hour, he worked on various court filings, getting as much done as he could. There wouldn't be enough time to do them later, since he was seeing Karl. After the allotted time had passed, he walked back into the bathroom. His toy now had turned a bright red. “Good. I think we've got the dirt off. Now let's finish the job.” He took a sponge and began to scrub. His attention focused mainly the lower areas of its body. When the intended reaction started to occur, Kaecilius made certain to remark on it. “Got a thing for bathing, I see. Don't expect me to do anything about it now.” He liked to see it get off most of the time, but he wanted to focus on his own pleasure first. “Quid pro quo now. Get out of there.” It didn't move fast enough, so a few strikes to the back were necessary. “When I say move, you do it. Stupid whore.” With most of his previous toys, Kaecilius hadn't bothered to get their names, not that they mattered. He'd learned this one's name early on, and had made it tell him how he'd gotten to where he was. It had been a funny story._

    “ _Now it's my turn.” He started to remove his clothes. “I want you to wash me.” The whore reached to grab the sponge. “Not like that. How do you expect to do a good job when you can't use those hands of yours properly? I mean with your tongue. And don't forget to clean everywhere.”_

_Oh yes, it had been a good afternoon. He'd told it that it was barely worth the twenty-five dollars that normally would be the fee for activities like this, so today it had only cost him fifteen. Of course, even ten times that amount wouldn't be a burden to him, but Kaecilius felt that you paid what your toys were worth._

_So now he was sitting and waiting for Karl to arrive for dinner. He arrived ten minutes late from the time they had agreed upon, apologizing. “I'm sorry. The babysitter didn't get in until later, and you know Astrid's getting over that ear infection. I just had to make sure she was okay before I came here. I hope you don't mind.”_

    “ _It's no trouble at all.” And even as he put on his best smile, he found himself rolling his eyes internally. Karl had said his kid wasn't even two yet, so what difference would it make if he left without a word? It wasn't like she would remember it. So what if she cried for a while? Karl wouldn't be there to hear it, and it was important to learn that others were not to be relied upon to meet your needs unless you made them do so._

_Karl gave him a smile of his own. “I knew you would understand. Sometimes people don't really get why you have to act differently when you become a parent.”_

_Children were by far the last thing he wanted to talk about. He chose to instead shift things over to the subject of venue. “This place isn't as nice as the ones I normally frequent, but if you like it I'm sold.”_

    “ _I've had enough of those sorts of places to last me a lifetime. When you let me pick the place this time around, I wanted to take you somewhere I like. I'm glad you're so understanding about these things, Kaecilius. It's one of the reasons I'm hoping things will work out well between us.”_

_Kaecilius also hoped things would work out between them. He had no real desire for the affection Karl sought out, but what Karl brought to their relationship was even better. There would never be a need to worry about how it looked working in family law when you had no real family to speak of. Meeting Karl had given him the first chance to change that. He had very strict standards for how the man he brought home had to be, and so far everything was great. “As long as the food tastes fine, it doesn't matter to me. I trust your judgement, Karl.”_

_The food was fine. The casual banter of their conversation made dinner an enjoyable affair for both men. The biggest issue was when Karl called home to see how Astrid was doing. Kaecilius had to work hard to keep from showing his irritation from the inattention he was now receiving. He could talk with Karl as an equal and give back what he was given in equal measure. A barely verbal child could not._

_It did give him a moment of pause to think about how he might deal with having Karl as well as his toys. Right now there was only the one regular one, but he never stopped looking for more. Gaining pleasure was a big part of his life, one that Kaecilius couldn't deny. Obviously he and Karl would have sex at some point – it was part of seeing someone. But not all that he liked could be put into practice with someone who was worthy of being brought home. So he vowed to wait until a few more dates were done before things got more serious._

_And of course, how would Karl feel about his toys? He had a distant hope that he would be understanding about how those who were like his toy and below the basics of society could be used as the user deemed fit, but all he had seen and heard with Karl made that unlikely. Therefore, the only option was to keep his desires under lock and key as long as this relationship continued. Not ideal, but what was in this world?_

_Karl hung up his phone. “Astrid went to bed just fine. I know it may seem silly to you, but I can still remember when I was a child and not having anyone who cared when I was unwell. I never want my daughter to feel the same way.”_

_He'd clearly turned out just fine, so what was the fuss? Kaecilius ended up saying “I guess some of this isn't clear to me, not being a parent myself. Perhaps later on I could meet her. Tonight, if that's alright with you.” Showing himself as being interested in the child would help things to go a long way between them._

    “ _No, it's still too early. This is only the second time we've seen each other. It's way too soon to bring you into Astrid's life. If things end up not working out, then it will be hard to explain why you're gone. We can wait.”_

_The words were wonderful to hear. Now Kaecilius knew that the little extra he'd brought with him was a perfect gift. “I brought you a present.”_

    “ _For me? You shouldn't have.” He took the watch and looked it over. “This is beautiful. Where did you get it?”_

_He almost wanted to tell the whole story. But all he said was “The person who gave it to me no longer appreciated the sentiment. Look on the back and you can see why.” If you could call it a person at all, that is._

_Karl read the back carefully. “Someone must not have wanted to think about whoever loved them once. How did you know them, by any chance?”_

    “ _We did business together.” The cleverness of the answer amused him. After all, it was a business for the slut. He just implied it was related to his respectable work._

_This time the smile he got made him feel like he was on top of the world. “I'm going to put it on now. Thank you, Kaecilius.”_

* * *

 

    Thinking back, it seemed so hard to believe that within a few months Karl would be breaking up with him. He should have known it was infested with disease. At least it had paid for what it did.

    Now Stephen was living with Karl. He wondered how much of its skills Karl had seen put into action. Karl had wanted to try more in the bedroom while they were together, and now he had the perfect thing to try something new with. Kaecilius only had the memories, as well as the mementos. It did help out when there was no one to help with the urges of your body. Maybe he could send Karl some more information about was his live-in one had done with him, including what it had done the whole time they were together.

    He had to shake his head at this. Karl was his adversary in the court case that was certain to be coming, so he needed to maintain some standards. Lily Tate may not have been a very good lawyer in his mind, but she would jump on any claims of impropriety in an instant.

    The answer became clear. Karl may have been off-limits, but  _Stephen_ certainly wasn't. In fact, if Kaecilius played his cards right, he might be able to fulfill his dream of having one of his toys always with him, doing whatever he pleased.

    With that being in his mind, he went to go browsing through his collection of pictures.

    After all, Stephen deserved the very best in reminders of what kind of harm it brought by being around real people. 

 

 


	24. Tension and Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stephen gets a package which leads to conflict between him and Karl, while Donny tries to ease Astrid's fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you didn't see it, I have a new story up, a movie-comics crossover. You can find it here. http://archiveofourown.org/works/13143465/chapters/30062808
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: past rape/non-con.

    For the first time in several days, Stephen was alone at home. Karl had left shortly after they had dropped the children at school for a doctor's appointment, and this gave Stephen most of the morning to himself.

    The only problem with this was what Stephen was to do with himself. He could have turned on the TV and saw what was on, but there normally weren't any programs he liked to watch. And some of the ones that had seemed interesting didn't end up turning out well if he did watch them. The time he'd thought about getting caught up with  _Game of Thrones_ had not been a good idea. There had been so many things that had caused him to be paralyzed in fear and memories that it had taken Karl turning the TV off and whispering in his ear to get him out of it. Now Stephen tried to avoid any television that he didn't know would be safe. Books tended to go better, but right now Stephen didn't feel like reading. So what he decided on doing was a thousand-piece puzzle of a landscape. That would work fine.

    Stephen found himself getting so involved with the puzzle that he almost didn't hear the sound of someone at the door. Feeling nervous, he went to answer it.

    Fortunately, the person standing there was a postal worker. “Are you Stephen Strange?”

    “Yes,” he replied, wondering who might be sending him something. His first thought was that it may be a gift from Karl, but it didn't seem likely. If Karl had gotten him a gift, he would have had it sent to him, not Stephen. And he knew how difficult it was to get anything from anyone, so if Karl wanted to give him anything then he would have talked about it beforehand.

    “I just need you to sign for this.” Stephen tried his best to put a legible signature down, even though he knew it probably wouldn't have mattered if he just was able to make an X.

    The package in question turned out to be an envelope. Stephen held it in his hands for a few moments, not wanting to know what it contained. Curiosity eventually won out, and he began to tear it open.

    It wasn't too long before something was visible. It was a picture – someone was bleeding – it was him –  _oh no help_ ...

    Stephen had to sit down, his heart racing. He knew these pictures, because only one of his connections had ever taken any photos. It had been the man in the suits, his very first client. But how had he known he lived here now? He'd sent him a little while ago that picture that was a reminder of that time in the woods he still didn't want to think about, but there had been nothing to indicate he'd been following him.

    Fear dominated him. What would happen if Karl were to see these? How would he feel? And as Stephen mindlessly removed them from the envelope, a note fluttered out. The contents were simple: “What would Karl think if he were to see these pictures? Do you think he would want you around his child? Remember my offer. It might be the only way you will have a place to stay after everything comes out...”

    Stephen knew he had to hide the pictures as soon as possible. If Karl saw them, there would be trouble. Yet he didn't know where he could put them. There was no place he knew of that would serve as a hiding place. What would it matter anyway? He couldn't help fighting the inevitable. At some point the full extent of his actions would become known. And even though Karl said he wouldn't think any differently about him no matter what he learned, there was no way that could be true. Stephen had barely scratched the surface of the miriad ways he had been forced to degrade himself so that Donny wouldn't lack for any of the basics. He couldn't hide it forever. So a part of him just wanted to get it over with and let Karl see the images. But another part wanted to keep a good thing going, to allow himself to feel loved for a little while longer.

    He was so caught up in what would be the best course of action that he didn't realize Karl had returned home until he heard “What is that, Stephen?”

    He let the pictures fall from his hands. Let everything come out. There was no real hope for anything. 

    He kept his eyes pointed towards the ground as he heard Karl gasp. “Oh God,” was all he could come up with. “He sent you those? I should have taken them when I had the chance.”

    Confusion. “You knew? How did you find out?” And how come you don't seem angry with me?

    Karl sat down next to him. He was able to say “Kaecilius showed me some of those when I went to meet him.”

    No, it couldn't be. They had broken up because he'd gotten sick, and the suit man had told him he would pay, and... “I ruined everything. You broke up with him because of me. I gave him the disease. I hurt you so much.” Stephen got up, only thinking about escape. It was twice now that he'd ruined Karl's life.

    A pair of hands grabbed his shoulders. “Stephen, I need you to listen to me. My breaking up with Kaecilius was not your fault. He was the one who chose to cheat on me, he opted to not use any protection with you, and he is ultimately responsible for what happened. Do you really think that you could have gotten away with asking him if he was seeing anyone? If anything, I should be thanking you that I was kept from letting such a monster into my life.” He looked into his eyes, and Stephen saw the glimmer of tears. “He was angry when I broke things off with him. What happened after that?”

    It was time to tell a bit about the woods to someone. “I don't know when it was. But he said that if I did everything he told me, he might let me live. It was the first time I had gone with a connection and really felt afraid for my life. He had his hand on my back.” The last bit felt like an irrelevant detail, but saying that instead of getting into other details was easier. “He undid his pants, and said I'd better make it good, because that was all I was going to get. After that, he got some rope, tied me to a tree. We were in the forest. I think that was the last time I've been in the woods. Don't know what would happen if I went back.”

    Karl just sat and listened. His face was filled with pain. Stephen felt even worse seeing him hurting.

    There were some things he might be able to say. “It was around noon when we got there. Not sure when we left, but it was pitch black out, so it had to have been a while. He brought his lunch. Guess he knew we would be there a while.” Even knowing the man's name after so long, he still didn't think he could bring himself to use it. “At one point he asked me if I was hungry.” Stephen had to stop there. There was no way he could tell the rest of that to Karl without wanting to sink into the floor.

    “I never would have guessed Kaecilius could be capable of something like that before. Now I just keep wondering what else I'll find out he's done. Nothing would surprise me now.” He took one of Stephen's hands in his own. “I can guess that it wasn't an offer to share anything.”

    He really wished he hadn't said anything to Karl now, but felt forced to go on. “I was feeling hungry, but I wasn't sure if I should say anything. Then he asked me when I last ate. That I did answer, a few days before.” Karl inhaled, but didn't interrupt. “When I told him that, he said I could have some of his sandwich. Then he dropped the part he hadn't eaten onto the ground and pissed on it. When I didn't go eat it after that, when he was giving it to me, he just started to hit me in the stomach and forced it down my throat. I got sick, and he said that I should eat that instead. I thought he'd make me do it, but he might have changed his mind or something.”

    Karl now put his arm around Stephen's shoulders.

    That gesture was enough to go forward. “When he wasn't fucking me, he did other things. Touched me a lot, made sure I was enjoying things.” He knew that people would say it was only a physical reaction, but there had been other times when someone was doing the same to him and he'd been unable to experience any pleasure at all. It didn't take a genius to realize that he had to have been enjoying it on some level if he became aroused. “Hit me again and again, said I'd ruined his life.” Now Stephen felt he could share what had been one of the most frightening parts of the whole ordeal. “After a little while, I heard something hit the ground. He told me earlier to keep looking forward unless I was told not to, so I didn't see what it was. Then he told me 'You burned my chances with someone good, Stephen, so I think I'll burn you.' It was a can of gasoline. He poured it at my feet, and went as far as lighting a match before saying he changed his mind. Told me I'd be too ugly all burned up.”

    Karl finally seemed to break out of his shock and said “He knew who you were. That was how he knew to show me the photos.” Hearing that Karl had seen some of his most degrading moments just added to the shame Stephen felt. He shouldn't have been exposed to such things, not when he'd already had enough bad things in his life.

    “He was the only one of my connections who knew my name. He made me tell him about what my life was like before we met. I had to say how much better things were now, that now I got to do something I really liked. There were other times I had to talk about the people I'd slept with in the past, what we did and when. Sometimes he liked hearing it, but then there were times he just got mad.” Talking about this was a little bit easier than the woods had been.

    “Of course. Anyone you decide to pay for sex should have lived a completely celibate life prior to that. That's the right way to have things, you see.” The venom that was now coming forth from Karl made Stephen feel nervous, even though he knew it wasn't directed at him.

    “At the end of all that, he grabbed my hands and broke one finger on each hand. Then I got my pay. One dollar. I ended up having to get rid of two pairs of pants I had then, because they got ruined afterwards. I went to Wong's, got Donny, and tried to avoid having a complete breakdown. Took a few days before I ended up having to get help for my hands. I knew damn well they didn't believe me when I said I'd dropped something on them, but what could they do? And I still went back to him the next time he called. Before that, the times someone did something like that were one-time things. I never saw them again. But I kept on seeing him, even after it happened again and again.” He hoped that the message of what was supposed to have happened came through without having to spell it out.

    “This wasn't the only time he hurt you like that? How many times did Kaecilius do that?”

    Giving a number was in some ways harder than talking about what had happened. “Three, including the last one.”

    Karl removed one of his arms and buried his face in his hand. “God. I can't begin to think of how you... And I was actually planning on having him meet Astrid. Letting a monster like that anywhere near my child...”

    He had to tell some more, in order to let Karl understand. “He knew about Donny. Most of the people I saw either didn't know or didn't care. He didn't like him, but never bothered him. There were times he talked about how I could live with him if I just made sure he was elsewhere. I never considered accepting. I knew what it would be like. I'd never be safe, not for even a moment.”

    “I need to ask you another question: how do you think it will go if you have to meet with Kaecilius at some point in the future?”

    He wanted to be able to say that there would be no trouble at all. Karl would need his support during the proceedings, so Stephen was determined to try and be there. But he admitted to himself he was afraid. What if at one of the times they met Kaecilius used a phrase he had used during one of the times they had met before? Was there a chance he would try to do something with him again? How would Karl feel about this? All he could think to say was “I'll try to be there for you.”

    That answer wasn't good enough, as Karl said “I don't want to see you try, Stephen. If meeting Kaecilius is going to hurt you, then I want you to stay as far away as you can from him. Have you noticed that you haven't said his name the entire time we've been talking, you haven't been able to say his name, even after you learned it? I will not stand for you being hurt more. Not as long as I can help it.”

    Stephen couldn't let it go on this way. “The whole time we've been together, I've done nothing but take and take from you. I've lived under your roof, eaten your food, have let you buy me clothes and provide all the medical care I need, and put all kinds of restrictions on what you can do within our relationship. I need to stop running all over you! You keep telling me I'm not selfish, but I do nothing to make life any easier for you! Why do you want anything to do with me?” With each word his voice went up a notch. From what he wasn't really certain.

    Karl stood up, and his own voice began to rise as well. “Because I love you, dammit! I'm sorry I don't want to see you suffer! So in order to make certain I'm not being taken advantage of, I should make you earn all the basics before you get them! Who cares if you end up having a mental breakdown because of it! Do you think I would have been happier if I'd just let you die instead of trying to get you help?”

    Stephen took in all the angry words with a feeling of justice. It was easier to accept when someone was angry or hateful towards him, because that was the kind of treatment he deserved. Karl, being the wonderful person he was, took longer than most did. He was certain that there would be no overt violence directed at him since he was so good, but there was an air of comfort to be found in this sort of treatment. Looking at his feet, he said “Yes. You've seen what I really am. Forget what you feel – is someone like that the kind of person you would want around?”

    Now Karl looked to have aged years in one moment. He sat down in a chair, and didn't say a word for some time. The silence was broken with a question. “If I had been the one who was hurt like you were, would you tell me I needed to be confronted with that person in some way?”

    It wasn't the same. “You keep saying that he hurt me. But it wasn't like that, not really. I knew what I was getting into. You wouldn't be in the same boat as me. If I could see him before, I need to be able to do it now, so I can support you. I want to be good to you, the way you should be treated.”

    The next sentence didn't mince any words. “Let me put this bluntly: did Kaecilius force you to have sex with him at any time?”

    That wasn't something Stephen ever wanted to hear. Yes, there had been times when he'd been forced into doing something, or had a weapon pointed at him, or had been drugged to a level where what was going on wasn't all that clear, but it still wasn't like that. He'd done so much even before he started working, so why did it matter if he didn't want to do the same things later on? “I can't answer that. I'm sorry.”

    Karl nodded. Some of the anger in his posture seemed to have left him. “I need to be alone for a while. Just... I shouldn't have lost it like that with you. Forgive me.”

    “There's nothing to forgive.”

    The sadness clear on his face made the next words hurt even more. “I know. That's why I needed to say it.”

 

* * *

 

    Donny had gone over to see Diego that afternoon. He was dealing with a problem of his own: how he could make Astrid feel better. He'd heard about how her grandmother wanted to take her away from them because she didn't like the way she was living. And even though no one had really told him anything, Donny knew that the problem was supposed to be his daddy. He had been listening one time when he was talking to Karl, and Daddy had said it was all his fault. Karl had said that wasn't true, but Daddy had then told him that nothing would have happened if he wasn't there.

    “Donny? Are you okay?” Diego and him had been playing a game in the living room, but Donny guessed he didn't look right now.

    “I'm worried about Astrid and Daddy.”

    “What's wrong with them? I saw Astrid talking to Ms. Minoru yesterday, and she was crying.” Diego seemed to be concerned as well, although clearly not to the same level Donny was.

    “Astrid's upset because of her grandmother.” Princeton was lying on his dog bed, but came over to the two boys and put himself between them as Donny spoke. He went to give him a few pets before going on. “Her grandmother wants her to come and live with her and not with us anymore. And I think it's because she doesn't like my daddy. I don't know why. When your Mami wouldn't let us play she'd met Daddy, but he's never seen Astrid's grandmother before. And Daddy's got nicer clothes and stuff now, so I don't think she would think he's bad if she met him. Karl's upset too, and he's got to talk with a lawyer a lot. He told us she's going to talk with Astrid soon, and we have to be polite. So I want to do something to help Astrid be happier, but I don't know what I can do. Whenever I tried to make Daddy happy before it didn't work at all.” He knew that he couldn't tell Diego now that it had been when they didn't have a real home. Nobody could take him away now that he had a home like everyone else, but sometimes thinking about what things had been like before made Donny feel funny. He wondered if Daddy felt the same way.

    Diego didn't seem to know what to say. “If her grandma wants to live with her, she should just move in with you. It's nice having Abuelo and Abuela here when you need them. But if she doesn't like your daddy it won't work. How come she doesn't like him if she never met him?”

    “I don't know.” He thought that it might have been because of the medicine he took now. But you took medicine to get better, so Donny thought it would be worse if Daddy didn't take it and got sicker. Who would want that to happen?

    Diego asked “Do you know what things Astrid likes?”

    “She likes football, and dolls, and Wonder Woman. And she's got Baloo the bear. But I can't buy her something 'cause I don't have much money.” Karl gave him a little bit of money each week, and Donny normally spent it on some stuff like comics or saved it for later. He didn't really know how much a toy for Astrid would cost, and she had a whole lot of stuff anyway. Her grandmother had bought her even more things when they'd visited with each other, but she hadn't wanted to keep most of them. Karl had given them away to somewhere that gave clothes and toys to kids who really needed them. That had been nice.

    “I've got an idea. Since Astrid likes Wonder Woman, we can make a comic for her. It'll be something new since we just came up with it, so it'll be fun to read. That might make her feel happy.”

    “I like it. What should we write about?”

    “It has to be something really cool. So we can't just do something with Superman or somebody. We need to do something nobody's done before.”

    Donny had an idea. “I know! Why don't we have her go to Jurassic Park, and fight the dinosaurs there! That would be awesome!”

    Diego looked just as excited as his friend. “That sounds so cool! Let's do it!”

    The game now entirely forgotten, they both went out in search of paper to make their masterpiece. First off were the trial drawings to see who should be doing what (Donny did better with the dinosaurs, Diego was better at drawing people, and any details that were needed could be shared by the two of them). Neither one was all that good at coming up with things to say, so there wasn't too much in the way of dialog. It might have been easier to get it done if either one had been able to use a computer, but the only one in the home was being used by Abuela, so they had to make do.

    By the time that Donny heard the knock on the door they had what both boys agreed was a pretty good story. He hoped it would work in making Astrid happier, because it was Karl who came to get him and not Daddy. He felt worried about why that was. Waving a good-bye, he asked Karl “Why didn't Daddy come and get me? Is he okay?”

    “He's had a bit of a tough day. He was taking a nap when I was getting ready to get you, so I thought I'd let him sleep.”

    Daddy slept more now than he had before. He had said when Donny asked him why that sometimes at night it was hard to sleep because he had bad dreams. He'd wanted to know what kinds of dreams he was having, but Daddy had told him that they weren't something little boys should hear. The only thing he could think to say was “Will he be up when we get home?”

    Karl didn't look very happy either. Donny wished he'd thought of something to help him too. “I hope so. He's not the one who should be feeling so bad.” That really sounded strange, but it also didn't sound like something you should ask about.

    When they got home, Donny ran over to Astrid's room. She was playing with her dollhouse when he said “I've got a surprise for you! Me and Diego wrote a comic for you! It's got Wonder Woman and dinosaurs. I hope it makes you feel happy.”

    Astrid looked over the first few pages and smiled. “This is a cool story. I'm going to read it after dinner. Thanks, Donny.”

    Well, now he could be glad that at least someone in the family he'd made happy. But he wished he knew how to help Daddy and Karl. But their problems were grown-up ones, and those Donny didn't think he could help with. Daddy had been sad for a long time, but his medicine was supposed to make him better now. He still didn't act like the other moms and dads Donny knew, though.

    Maybe the doctor he saw could help more. Donny decided to ask if he could talk with him on how to make Daddy better.

 

* * *

 

    Karl approached Lilia's room with some hesitation. He still felt ashamed for the fight he'd had with Stephen earlier that day. Pat had told him when he'd called that anger was a perfectly valid emotion to be having with all that was going on. “How many people would feel good hearing that the person they love thinks so little of himself that he thinks the major issue about being in the same room as his abuser is whether he's being supportive of you? You aren't telling Stephen that he's responsible for your anger or trying to be hurtful, so I see no issue with you being mad. Remember, being angry is a normal human emotion.” He had also given him the time and date the next session of his group would be meeting. Karl knew he wouldn't go. To start with, he still didn't think he could stand to hear other people talking about and using the words for what had happened to Stephen more than once. He understood what had occurred on an intellectual level, but accepting it emotionally was a different story. And then there was the fact that it was the whole issue of his mother trying to take Astrid away that was causing more tension than Stephen's past was. The former may have come from the latter in part, but that didn't make it less of an issue.

    Even with his feelings being valid, Karl still felt it was proper to apologize to Stephen for how he'd behaved this morning. When he'd started to realize that Stephen was unable to address the issue of facing Kaecilius without falling into self-blame, it should have been time to end it. He had gotten to know Stephen well enough to understand how he handled issues like this.

    Of course, a big part of his pushing the issue had been fear. Given what he'd heard Kaecilius had done in the past, as well as what stories were told by the photos, Stephen could be in danger by being anywhere near his ex. Karl wasn't certain if the venues they might be meeting in would give Kaecilius an opportunity to hurt Stephen again, but how could he be certain? It would be painful beyond measure to know that he had played a direct role in having that come about. So he'd lost it, and now needed to repair what he'd damaged.

    Stephen had gone to his old room after Karl had finished speaking with Pat. When he'd asked about who would be getting Donny later that afternoon, Stephen had said he would like to sleep for a while and didn't know if he could make it. That didn't seem to be connected to their fight earlier, because it wasn't too uncommon for him to take a nap during the day. After dinner he hadn't had a chance to speak with Stephen, because he'd ended up talking to Lily about any problems that might come about from the history between Kaecilius and him. She had suggested that if any further efforts at contact were made, they should look into getting a protective order. Karl hated the idea of it. This mainly came from a concern of how it would look if he were to try and keep his mother's lawyer away from one of the principal parties in the case. Lily had assured him it wasn't going to impact anything if it became necessary, but Karl would rather it never come to that.

    Gathering his courage, he knocked on the door. “Stephen? May I come in?”

    “If you want.”

    He'd hoped for a more certain answer, but opened the door anyway.

    Stephen was putting on his pajama top as Karl entered. He was already wearing a shirt underneath, but he tended towards wearing layers of clothing most of the time. At first Karl had held out hope that it was a relic of his time living on the streets and once he got used to having his possessions be safe as well as not having to worry about the cold it would go away. Like so many other matters related to Stephen, this had proved to be misplaced optimism. His worst fears behind the layering issue had been confirmed when Stephen had made an off-the-cuff remark about how he felt a bit safer during the winter, because you had to wear more to stay warm. Trying to keep his own thoughts away from such things, he said “I'm coming in to say I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have pushed things like that.”

    Stephen appeared to deflate as he looked at Karl. “I don't understand how you can think you were wrong in all this. I couldn't give you the right answer to your question. And you were so upset from seeing those photos, so I should have tried to be more understanding.” He looked down. “You need to stop letting me be so selfish. The biggest reason I wound up in the place I was before was because I took advantage of people. When I lost everything, I started trying to not be that person ever again. Most of the time I don't think I've been able to do that, no matter how I try. And when you indulge me, then it feels like I'm back to where I was before. That's wrong. I've been around him a lot of times, and mostly I'm okay. So if we end up meeting it should be fine.”

    Karl doubted that would be the case. Stephen still couldn't make himself say his abuser's name, and his voice had begun to tremble as he spoke about the prospect of them meeting again. With the passage of time since they had fought, he now could look at what Stephen was saying with a different eye. He knew that the overwhelming negative impression he had of himself was wrong, and thinking like that was only going to hurt worse in the long run. But challenging Stephen's self-image wasn't going to work right now. Karl instead chose to say “That may be true, but I was more short with you than I should have been.” He shifted gears to avoid another drawn-out discussion. “I was thinking about going and talking with Dr. Drumm at some point in the near future.”

    “Why do you think you need to speak with him?”

    “Because I'd like to see if he could perform an evaluation of both of us for the court. Lily told me the last time we spoke that getting a professional opinion on our parenting skills is likely going to be essential in winning. I don't know if that's something that Dr. Drumm is familiar with, but he already knows a lot about you and your state of mind. So I'm willing to bet that he can explain why you aren't going to cause any problems for Astrid's own mental health in the present and the future.”

    Stephen sighed. “I keep wondering who they're going to bring in to talk about me. No matter what, there's going to be people who think I'm an asshole. Get enough of them together and it won't look good for your chances in court. Where there's smoke there's fire and all that.”

    “Are you sure there's no one who would speak up in your favor? It seems hard to believe that in all your years in medicine you never were close to anyone?”

    He looked distant as he said “There's one person who might put in a good word for me, maybe. But I haven't seen her in so many years that I don't have the faintest clue where she is now. And even if you could find her, I couldn't live with her knowing what happened to me after we broke up. So that's a no.”

    Karl wasn't too concerned about getting someone to speak in Stephen's favor. If they really ended up needing a voice on his behalf, Wong was there to take up the mantle. He went back to the other issue that had brought him here tonight. “Are you going to be alright here tonight?”

    There was no immediate answer. “It's for the best for now. I need to give you some space.”

    Time for a change in gears. “I don't want to have to worry about how you're doing tonight, Stephen. I'd be much happier if you wanted to stay with me.” He added as an additional reassurance “In case you're worried about being too selfish, know that I'm asking you if you want to come to bed with me because I sleep better whenever you're with me. So try and look at it as being a gift you can give me.”

    The intended effect of lightening the mood wasn't accomplished. Stephen looked at Karl and said “I'm afraid things might be bad tonight. I don't want to hurt you or make you worry too much.”

    “If things are bad, then we can face them together. And having you next to me makes my worries feel a little less bad than before.”

    Stephen nodded and got up. “I wish I could do as much for you as you do for me.”

    “One day you might see that you do even more. Don't forget that I love you, and I know you feel the same. That's more of a gift than I ever could have hoped to receive from anyone before.”

 

 


	25. Getting Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl and Stephen share a session, which leads to more revelations. And a figure from Stephen's past is drawn back into his life.

    Jericho was prepared for something slightly different today as opposed to his normal sessions with Stephen. Karl had asked if he could join them for a time in order to discuss some issues involving the two of them and the prospect of the court case. He was fairly certain that these issues might have been stemming from all the stress that was coming up from that, to say nothing of the role Stephen believed he played in the matter. He had ended up agreeing to having Karl there, but with the caveat that if things became too much Jericho could ask him to leave. Like any professional, the well-being of his client was the most important factor here.

    “Hello, Dr. Drumm. It's good to meet you again.” Karl seemed to be somewhat uncomfortable in spite of his enthusiastic greeting. Stephen was close behind, looking as he normally did. Jericho hoped that today wouldn't be too hard for him.

    Both men sat down on the couch. “It's good to see you as well. How have you been doing since we last spoke, Stephen?”

    This produced an immediate reaction. Stephen looked away as he said “Things haven't been good. I got something a few days ago.”

    “What did you get? And who sent it to you?”

    “Some pictures. They came from someone I used to know p-pretty well.” The slight slip in Stephen's speech served as a marker for how much of an adverse effect the gift had had on him. It wasn't too hard to guess how he had known the sender, and what the pictures had likely entailed.

    Karl went on to confirm most of what Jericho was thinking. “The man who sent the pictures is my mother's lawyer in the custody case. He's also someone I used to date in the past. We broke up because he cheated on me, but that wasn't bad enough in the end. Kaecilius hurt Stephen on more than one occasion in the past, and I'm afraid that he might do something again.”

    Stephen interrupted with “He was rough. Liked to leave a few marks when he was done. He's the guy who took me to the woods.” He had not shared any details of what exactly had happened during that time, but judging by the flashback he'd had in the office that one time Jericho guessed that a violent sexual assault had occurred. “But it's not as bad as Karl thinks. I'm not an innocent victim here. I knew what I was getting into.”

    Before Karl could react, Jericho took command of the conversation. “All right. As I can see it, there are two major problems here: how you might feel when you meet this man again, and whether or not he's going to try and hurt Stephen once again.” Karl nodded, but Stephen just kept looking around, not staying for too long on any given thing. He thought that Stephen was in fact quite frightened at the idea of meeting one of his clients again, especially if said client had been abusive. “Do you have any idea of why he opted to send the pictures now instead of any other time?”

    “Karl went to see him and get him to stop trying to take Astrid from him. He said she shouldn't be around someone who would do things like I was doing in those pictures. He's right, but Karl still shouldn't have had to see that.” The last sentence was spoken in a tone barely above a whisper.

    Karl added in his own perspective, saying “I think he might have wanted to make Stephen feel he's not safe living with me. Maybe he even hoped that Stephen would go back to him because of that. I still can't believe that I was seeing such a monster. If what I saw in the pictures tells me what he was really like...”

    Both men had given him something to go and work with. “Both of you seem to be blaming yourselves for how this ended up coming about.”

    The first to speak was Karl. “I suppose I can look at it from a more intellectual perspective and say that there was no way of knowing what Kaecilius was really like, since he only showed me his good side. But on the other hand I think about how Stephen was being hurt while we dated, and I feel guilty for letting it happen. Yes, I couldn't have changed things, but it's so easy to fall into that trap.”

    “It didn't happen the way you think it did. The first time he didn't do anything other than have sex with me. He did take a watch someone I knew gave me, but I was getting close to selling it just so I could get more food for Donny.”

    At the mention of the watch Karl's face went pale and his mouth went open. “Did your watch have an inscription on the back?”

    There was no need for a verbal answer. The look on Stephen's face told how this was going to end up.

    “No.” It was only one word, but the level of devastation in Karl's voice conveyed far more than any words could have done. “He gave it to me. He stole the only thing you had, and gave it to me while he was still taking advantage of you.” Jericho had to give praise to him for putting it in such a careful way. Talking about his ex as someone Stephen had sex with would make the circumstances appear to be far more equal than they had been, which would increase the amount of self-blame Stephen already held. But outright saying he was abusing him wouldn't be much better for his state of mind, because he could not look at anyone else's actions towards him as being anything as other than justified. But the way it was put could be seen as just facts: Kaecilius did take advantage of Stephen's homelessness and child in order to get him to do as he wished. How bad this was for Stephen himself was an issue to be tackled later.

    Stephen said “Do you still have it? Guess you aren't going to want to keep it any longer.”

    “I was going to give it to you. I thought it would be a good idea because you were someone who deserved the sentiments there. How do you think you would have felt if I did?”

    Stephen was able to say at last “I think you should keep it for yourself. What the watch says is something you deserve more than anyone.”

    Jericho once again stepped in to make certain that things didn't get too out of hand. “Can I ask you Karl if you have any idea how often Stephen might need to be present if the case can't be resolved in any other way?”

    “Lily, my lawyer, says that I'm the main focus here. Even if the judge thinks that Astrid's well-being is affected by Stephen being with me, then it's up to my mother and Kaecilius to show that it makes for enough of an issue to warrant a change of custody. Her plan is to show how I've been able to provide for her over the years. In the case of Stephen, the plan is to show that he was able to care for Donny so well even with the challenges life put before him. She also wants us to get a parenting evaluation at some point. I was hoping we could have you do it. I would like to see if he could be kept out of all this unless we actually go to court.”

    “A courtroom setting might be alright. How would you feel if you were in the same room as Kaecilius, Stephen?”

    He looked at his feet once again. “I need to be there. So if it comes down to that, I can do it.”

    “What if he tries to talk with you, or does something that reminds you of the past? How well do you think you can hold up with that?”

    “If I'm part of the case he might have to speak to me. And maybe he won't say or do anything that bothers me.”

    Karl put in a few words of his own. “He was petty enough to send you those pictures and say you might only be able to stay with him if they were known to me. I can safely say that from what I know of Kaecilius and his desire to win, that he will do everything he can to get you out of the picture. I will state what my own preferences are right now: unless it is absolutely necessary, I do not want you to be around Kaecilius. I won't allow him to cause any more pain than he already has.”

    Stephen's next remarks may have seemed bizarre to most, but Jericho had an idea of why he would say them. “If you really enjoy having me around, then you might even want to thank him. If I hadn't gone to see him the night you looked after Donny then we wouldn't be seeing each other like we are now.” It sounded a bit crazy – who in their right mind would say that their rapist should be thanked for their role in changing one's own life? When you looked at the issue via Stephen's own feelings of self-loathing, then the real reason showed itself. He didn't see being hurt as being any more than what was right and proper, and with the incident serving as a catalyst for his life changing it made sense that he could see Karl as being grateful for it.

    “If anything, it's you getting pneumonia that you both should be grateful for. When you got sick, and Karl had to look after Donny – that was the real key for change. So why don't we leave it at that.” Karl was displaying signs that his temper might rise up again, and that would most likely end badly. So Jericho made the decision to divert things once more.

    Karl didn't look too pleased, but he did drop the subject for now. “So would you be able to do the evaluation? Given that you know Stephen so well now, I think you could have a good idea about how his problems might affect Astrid, and what that should mean for her.”

    Saying the next part felt harder in some ways than talking about how Stephen would be impacted by being around one of the people who had abused him in the past. “I'm going to have to give you some bad news. I cannot perform the evaluation you need done.”

    He looked shocked. “Why? Are you not capable of doing so?”

    “There is no question that I could do it. But my role right now prohibits me from doing so. I'm Stephen's mental health professional. My role in his life right now is therapeutic. Doing a clinical evaluation would represent a violation of my current position. Even if I were to stop seeing Stephen right now, the past history we have would still make working in that capacity an ethical violation. I can tell you that I can still participate in the case, but my role there would be strictly limited to talking about Stephen's health issues and progress in therapy. I'm sorry to disappoint you.”

    “Do you know of anyone who could do it, then? Right now I don't want to go looking through long lists of names hoping to get the right one. The person Lily's worked with before is booked solid, so that was why I went to you instead.”

    “Justin Lewis would be my first choice, if he's available. He's done a great deal of training in PTSD and how it impacts inter-familial relationships. Let me give you his information before we go.”

    Stephen quietly said “I'm not sure how I feel about having to see someone else. I don't know what they'll think of me. What if they know what I've done?”

    “Unfortunately, anyone who sees you is going to have some familiarity with both of your histories. That's why if Dr. Lewis can't do a parenting assessment I'm going to look for anyone who has an understanding of your problems and how they might impact any child in your care. Otherwise we run the risk of having someone who gets the wrong idea right up front.”

    “Problems, huh. I can already tell people I'm selfish if I need to do so.”

    Karl had a flicker of pain on his face. “And I will make certain to say that you are one of the most wonderful people I have had the privilege of getting to know, and how both Astrid and I are the better for knowing you.”

    Stephen slumped over as he heard Karl's praise. “I wonder what I did to deserve you in my life.”

    Karl said nothing, but did move closer to Stephen's side.

    “You are also likely going to need someone who can evaluate Astrid. Do you have anyone lined up?”

    “Yes. Pamela Warren. She was the first name given to me by Lily, and thankfully she's able to work with us.” That was a good sign. Dr. Warren was well known for her work on children's welfare following divorce and on how to diminish the impact. The circumstances of this case weren't the usual type of case that involved custody of a child, but her reputation for fairness and a keen mind would serve all parties well. “She told me when we spoke that she's gone against Kaecilius in the past, so she knows what she might be in for. She's going to meet with Astrid next week, and wants to have a session with the both of us at some point as well.”

    All sounded as good as it could be. Jericho asked “Do you have any idea which professionals your mother would be bringing in?”

    “No. I know a few people Kaecilius had spoken of in the past, but I don't know if any of them will be involved here.”

    “I know the type he's going to get. Older doctors who haven't adapted to the changes in the psychiatric world over the last few decades, and still think it's proper for children to be with their mothers much of the time. Of course Astrid's mother isn't part of her life, so I can see the thrust of their arguments as being that it's a bad idea to have a child growing up in a household without a female influence. I know that sounds ridiculous, especially with same-sex relationships getting more and more acceptance, but you'd be surprised at how well it's worked in the past. And I have no doubt that in addition to that you'll be hearing about how the kinds of issues Stephen has are a huge detriment to the welfare of any child.” Jericho took a good look at both Karl and Stephen. Karl was wringing his hands, and Stephen looked to once again be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. “I'm not telling you this to make you feel that there's no hope, because I have a great deal of faith you will succeed. But knowing what you are going to be facing will help in responding to it, which makes it more likely to work in your favor.”

    Stephen spoke up, saying “If they do end up bringing up my problems, there's not much I can say there. I'm not good right now, and I don't know when I might be well again. And as for the other stuff, I was a whore for years and years. What can I say about that?”

    “You shouldn't have to say anything. I don't believe you should have to testify in court, because Karl is the focus here. Just try and remind yourself that Astrid wouldn't have any idea of how you earned a living if her grandmother hadn't told her, and there are plenty of parents who have worse mental health issues than you do, but no one is trying to take their children away from them for the most part.”

    When they were both getting ready to leave, Jericho took Karl aside. “I didn't feel it would be wise to say anything in front of Stephen, but I will tell you now: you should make every effort to keep him away from Kaecilius. Everything I've seen in his sessions tells me that meeting someone who was responsible for causing him pain will have a profoundly negative effect on his mental health. To make the best impression on whoever is hearing your case, Stephen needs to be somewhat together. Have you spoken about the problems that might come out with your lawyer?”

    “Lily said that if things get too bad, if he keeps trying to contact Stephen, to file for a protective order. I hope it doesn't come to that, because I'm afraid it would look bad to a judge.”

    “You may be right, depending on who's hearing the case. But let me tell you this: winning should not be more important than Stephen's mental health. No matter how it affects your chances, file for the order if you must. And if the judge says Stephen must go because of that, then find him a place. I know you want to have both him and Astrid in your life, but be prepared for the chance it won't work out the way you imagine.”

    Karl clearly wasn't happy to be hearing this, but he also didn't appear to be rejecting the information. “How badly do you think it will turn out if Stephen does have to leave me? Won't that also hurt his mental health?”

    There was no good way to put this. “Unfortunately Stephen would not take having to leave you very well. But I do believe that with much effort he would remain stable enough, and I have little doubt that you would appeal if the court ruled against you. Having to be in constant contact with one of his abusers would be much harder in regards to keeping him stable.”

    “What about the chances of him being hurt again?”

    “As long as the only times they meet are in a formal courtroom setting I would say they're pretty low. But make certain that you don't leave Stephen alone with him.”

    Stephen peered over Jericho and Karl. “Is everything alright?” The tension in his face and voice showed that even without knowing what the conversation entailed he still was afraid of what it may be. Jericho thought his concern was for whatever bad news Karl might be having to hear.

    “I just wanted to talk a bit with Karl about the case. He's the major player there, and I felt it would be better to do so in private.” He seemed to have a mixture of doubt and relief on his face, and as he and Karl walked out could be seen to place his arm around his shoulders slowly.

    It was said that it was better to give than to receive, but Jericho thought that with love and affection it was easier to give both than to accept them. He hoped that everything would end up working in Karl's favor, because what might happen otherwise wasn't something one needed to think about.

 

* * *

 

    Following the conclusion of a rather busy day, Christine Palmer was looking forward to three things: a good drink, a hot dinner, and some time in front of the TV (not necessarily in that order). Hoping to enjoy a brief period of time off, she was so focused on leaving that she didn't hear the man calling her name for a few minutes. “Dr. Palmer? May I speak with you?”

    Stopping to give the man a glance, there didn't seem to be anything too out of the ordinary there. He was well-put together, and was wearing an expensive coat. Christine wondered if he was involved with the board in some way. “Can I ask what you need me for? Because I need to get going soon.” Unless he was here to talk to her about a patient or something else related to work, she planned on spending no time with him. If his question for her ended up being whether or not she'd accepted Jesus as her savior then she was pretty sure it would end with her punching him in the face.

    “I'm sorry if I've alarmed you. My name is Kaecilius Sorenson. I was told you were acquainted with one Stephen Strange at some point in the past? I was wondering if you could tell me a little about him.”

    Ah, now things were clear. From how Mr. Sorenson was talking, it looked like he was trying to make a decision on hiring Stephen for some hospital or other medical facility. Hearing her ex's name made Christine wonder what he'd been getting up to over the last few years. She could still recall their last meeting in his by now threadbare apartment, talking about what would come of the sale. By that point she'd no longer had the same relationship they'd had before the accident, but she'd still been concerned for how he was going to get by. Like he normally did if you pushed his boundaries, Stephen had responded by being so obnoxious that she felt glad to get out of there. It had been over a month later when Christine had opted to swallow her pride a bit and try to contact Stephen. Calling his number had just led to a message saying the number was no longer in service, and there had been no activity on any of his social media since before the sale. She'd then tried to see if anyone else knew where Stephen might have gone, but that didn't bear any fruit either. Most of the people who worked with him displayed an attitude that he was only getting what he deserved for being such a jerk. And while that was certainly the case, she still wanted to see if he was okay. But after nearly a year with no answers, Christine stopped her search.

    Whatever Stephen had been up to over the last seven years, he'd clearly must have been able to get back into the medical field in some way, or no one would be coming to speak with her about him. She was willing to bet that this Kaecilius was not on board with hiring Stephen, and was hoping she would give him the ammunition needed to reject him. That wasn't going to happen on her watch. “Of course I can talk to you about Stephen. Is there a place we can go speak? I've just finished my shift, and would like to stay away from the hospital unless I'm called in for now.” She flashed what she hoped was a winning smile in the man's direction.

    He smiled back, and Christine was reminded of a cat preparing to pounce. “There's a nice bar not too far away. We can talk over a few drinks.”

    The place turned out to be one she knew pretty well, having spent more of her spare time there during her intern year than she would have liked to admit. She chose to just get a beer, while Kaecilius opted for a pina colada. She took a sip, lingering over her drink. This encounter was going to be on her terms. If whatever place that Stephen wanted to be employed with was willing to go to such ends to keep him out, then her own plan would be to make him seem like the most indispensable employee around. “So, you want to know about Stephen Strange. If I just had to tell you about all the things he's done we'd be here all night. Even now, I'm still impressed at everything he was able to accomplish when we knew each other. So what would you like to hear about, exactly?”

    “I'm interested in hearing about how he was to work with. I've spoken with a few of his former colleagues, and they've told me quite a few stories.”

    That settled it. Whoever Kaecilius worked for did not want Stephen, and even with all the praise in the world Christine doubted she could make a difference. But it wouldn't hurt to try. “Stephen was one of the most gifted surgeons I've ever worked with. He was always willing to test the limits of what you could do in the realm of neurosurgery. I've rarely met someone who was as devoted to his work as he was. There was never a moment of downtime or a day off for Stephen. He would be going to all these dinners and awards ceremonies and would have files of his patients with him for review whenever he had a moment. Of course, this made it a bit hard to relate to him outside of work, but I think we did pretty well. Stephen hates to fail in anything. Even if whatever treatment he was trying was a long shot for success he still took it personally every time.” It had been one of the things she'd found hardest about being around Stephen. When things went badly, he upped his level of arrogance to an even higher mark, and most of the other doctors around would start rolling their eyes whenever they encountered him afterwards. Christine had joined them until she'd noticed the pattern of when he changed. After that, she still had ended up having words with Stephen about his attitude, but the words had come from a place of understanding. Stephen's arrogance was his armor, the way he kept himself from feeling pain or fear. And as they had started dating, she'd gotten a chance to see more of the parts he kept so carefully guarded.

    Another smile. Christine was getting the feeling she wanted to slap him. “I see. But what about his attitude? I've heard the man's an arrogant asshole, that no one really wants him around outside of work. Stephen has a great deal of personal flaws, wouldn't you say?”

    Once again making sure to take her time before responding, she said “Of course Stephen's got a streak of arrogance going through him. But what successful surgeon doesn't have that trait to some degree? Every single one I've met has been extremely confident, but you can't go into the operating room without having complete faith you are going to make everything work out, or you'll slip up too much. I can understand why you might not want to be Stephen's friend because of that, but don't knock him for having the mindset he needed to be as successful as he was. Yes, I can say I had times I wished he wouldn't boast about his work, but I also can't say you should hold it entirely against him.” _Besides_ , she thought, _if you want arrogance all you have to do is look in the mirror._ Kaecilius had never wavered from his beginning stance of cockiness, and his superior manner was making her less and less comfortable with their talk. Frankly, if Christine could get a hold of Stephen, she would have told him the job wasn't worth it, if this was what his superiors would be like. And why on earth did he keep calling him by his name as opposed to his title? “And there are instances when that confidence serves you well on a personal level.”

    “Such as?” His voice had lost a great deal of spirit, and Christine felt a bit smug in knowing that she was not behaving according to plan. Well, tough luck.

    “Like when you are talking to a patient before surgery to remove a tumor lodged in their cerebellum. Stephen was there saying how everything would be fine, he knew what he was doing, and before too long they would be headed home and back to a normal life like nothing happened. Make no bones about it, this was not a routine surgery, but just giving that boost of confidence to a patient in desperate need of such really helped with the outcome.”

    By now there was a clear look of displeasure on Kaecilius's face. “I see. Do you know anyone else who worked with him in the past I may be able to speak with? Just a few names, enough to get a good picture going.”

    She knew, but wasn't telling. Feigning a look of innocence, Christine said “It's been a while, and we've had so much turnover I'm not certain I could tell you who to speak with. Give me a day or so to go over my records of when we worked together, and then I'll have a few people to speak with. Give me your number and I'll get them to you as soon as I can.” And make certain the names she gave were ones that at the very least had a neutral opinion of Stephen.

    He shook his head. “Not needed. It would take too long. I might just review a few different resources. I've gotten one name already, Nic West? Do you know him?”

    Her stomach turned over. Nic was certain to give a bad report on Stephen, and while Christine could say to herself Stephen would be better off without this job she knew him well enough to realize he would be devastated if they turned him down. 

    She now had to wonder what kind of work he'd been doing over the last few years. Clearly he couldn't return to surgery, but she was willing to be he could have a successful run in the academic field via research and sharing what he had developed. Of course, it did feel a bit unusual that his name hadn't come up in any of the major journals, or that no announcement of his employment had made its way to her. Stephen could have taken time away from work, but there were two reasons she didn't think that was the case. First of all, his financial status had become quite dire by the time they'd last seen each other. In order to make ends meet, he would have needed to get some manner of work to pay off his debts at the latest. Second, Stephen Strange was not a man given to idleness. He always was looking to do something with his mind, and rarely allowed for any moments of leisure. Going for over seven years without any work? That would be unheard of for him. “Well, I'm sure you'll be able to get what you need.” He looked now like the last place he wanted to be was around her. As Kaecilius prepared to leave (notably not making any move to pay for his drink), Christine couldn't help but say “If you do see Stephen at some point, tell him Christine was asking about him. Maybe we could get together and catch up on things at some point in the future.”

    The expression on his face now sent chills running down her spine. He said in a monotone voice “I will be sure to do so,” but there was nothing that indicated he would follow through. 

    She waited until Kaecilius had left before taking a few deep breaths. The encounter had left her shaken, even without a single threatening word being said. Neither had there been any display of danger directed at her – if anything he had been unfailingly polite. Yet there had been a strong undercurrent of malice that made Christine wonder what the purpose of all this had been.

    Time to look at the positives. She'd followed through on part of her agenda for tonight, had successfully navigated a difficult conversation without giving out any information that would harm an old friend of hers, and had held her ground against a dangerous opponent. “Winner: me,” she said as she pulled out her card.

* * *

 

    The talk with Dr. Palmer hadn't gone the way Kaecilius had hoped it would. He'd learned about her history with the whore, and had been thinking that she could give him a wealth of information on what kind of person it was. Not that you could call it a person anymore, but the point remained. But either she didn't have much bad to say about it or she'd figured out his purposes were not benign, because nothing she had said would work well in court. If Dr. Palmer had spoken in a derogatory way about his toy then he could have moved on to questions about its personal life, but that opening hadn't come about.

    Poking around the hospital hadn't been an entirely fruitless venture. Dr. West was willing to speak about how much of a horrible person it was in court, although he still didn't know all the details. Something about the other man made Kaecilius hold back in saying why he needed to prove it was a bad influence on any child. Maybe telling him it had been a whore might make him work with them more, but it could backfire.

    The sound of his phone ringing brought him out of his reverie. It was Sara, and she had a few things to say. “Good evening Kaecilius. I just finished speaking with the woman you sent me to. She was so understanding! The minute I told her what kind of man my son had brought home, she said she was on my side. She wants me to come back again tomorrow, and talk a little about Karl. And how did your day go?”

    “It could have gone better. Dr. West was very helpful, but Dr. Palmer didn't seem to trust me. She only gave a glowing report on it, so we can rule out her testifying. She asked me to say something if we ended up meeting soon. Of course I have no plans of doing so.” Once it had become clear that she was not going to give him anything to use, Kaecilius had decided not to tell her the real purpose behind his visit. At least she had said she didn't keep in touch with the whore. Dr. Palmer was a smart woman, and if she learned she had been kept in the dark she could head on over to the other side in a blink of an eye.

    “I'm so sorry to hear that. Have you had a chance to speak to that Tate woman?”

    “As of yet no. I hope she will agree to all of us meeting to possibly settle matters at some point.”

    “Excellent. If you do get things set up, would you object to my father attending the meeting? He's said he wants to bring Karl back to his senses, and Father is very good at doing so.” 

    “That is perfectly fine. Even if we do meet, still plan on going to court. Lily Tate may be willing to compromise, but I am not. But let your son think there's hope for a settlement. I like to draw them in like that, then strike.” There was a good chance the meeting could have other benefits. If Karl was willing to bring his plaything to the discussion, then there might be a chance for some fun later on. He could feel his body stirring at the prospect of seeing it again.

    “I knew you were the right man for the task, Mr. Sorenson. Let me know when we will be meeting.”

    “Of course I will. Good luck, Sara.” The call was ended, and Kaecilius decided that he would have some fun tonight with what remained of his collection of photos.

    Hopefully soon there would be a few new ones to add to the collection, and with them come even more pleasant memories.

 

 


	26. Coffee and Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily meets with Tina to discuss the children, while Stephen and Christine meet for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's likely to be a bit of a delay in updating, because I'm determined to finish my one-shot before I get the next chapter done. So hopefully no one will mind waiting.

    Lily had come prepared for her planned meeting today. She had to wait until the end of the school day in order to meet Astrid's teacher, but it would hopefully be worth the wait. Other than the parents of a child, teachers were normally the best sources of information on what said child was like. In some ways a teacher could be a better source than a parent was, largely because they weren't always blinded to any flaws one's child held. The more objective reporting one could get, the better it would hold up in court.

    Tina Minoru was seated at her desk when Lily came in. “You must be Ms. Tate. It's nice to meet you.” She shook her head as she finished saying the words. “That's not really right, is it? I don't mind meeting you, but I know the reason why we're seeing each other and it's not good in any way, shape, or form.”

    “That's unfortunately true. If adults would only think about how they were affecting the children around them in cases like this I'd have a lot less work. Which would actually make me happy.” Lily took a seat of her own in a chair nearby. It was a touch too small, but the discomfort could be endured for a while. “So you know the basics of the impending case.”

    “Astrid and her father both told me about what's happening. It breaks my heart to see her so distressed. I just can't comprehend why anyone would think it's a good idea to remove Astrid from her father's care. There are so many other children in this school who are being neglected and worse by their parents, and I haven't heard a thing about them being removed from their homes. It's a disgrace, in my opinion.”

    Tina's anger gave Lily a good idea of how this conversation would turn out. She was going to get quite a bit to work with here. “I understand how you feel. So let me tell you what I'm going to be asking you to do today. I will need you to give me a statement about how you have seen the relationship between my client and his daughter the entire time you've known them. You can tell me also your perceptions of how Astrid is in regards to her adjustment and overall well-being. I will need to record all this for the record, just so you know in advance. If you would like, I would also be interested in hearing what you think about Stephen Strange and his son, and how you feel his care has been. Do you have any additional questions for me?” She shook her head. “Very well. Let me get recording, and we can begin.”

    Tina was quiet for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. “Astrid came into school more academically prepared than many of the other students, but that's due largely to her attending a private kindergarten and preschool. But it was clear from the start her father was supporting her learning. Mr. Mordo is there every day to drop her off at school, and picks her up most days unless she's visiting a friend. He was right on time for our parent-teacher conference, and has been willing to help out with any classroom activities that needed parental assistance. I did tell him at one point how wonderful it is he's so involved, but he told me that it was because he doesn't have a regular job to get in the way. I can tell you that I know there are other parents who also don't work, but many of them don't take the time I've seen Mr. Mordo devote to us.”

    “Can you tell me anything about what Astrid is like? How would you describe her personality?”

    “Astrid's fairly outgoing. She's willing to be the one who's the center of attention, but doesn't demand the spotlight. She's an empathetic child – I remember when she was talking about how she wanted to try and help out all of the people who didn't have proper homes to live in. But she's also only really had two close friends, Donny Strange and Julie Chang.” She paused. “Based on my experience as an educator, I can say that a lot of these can be attributed to her having good parenting in her life. So get me on the record as saying that.”

    Lily wished that could be so. “I'm sorry to say that since you aren't an expert in child development that you really can't make that kind of pronouncement. There are strict rules for that sort of thing. In your statement you can say that you have seen evidence that my client is a loving father, but you can't go and infer what that means for Astrid's personality. But what we've got so far is good.”

    “Would it be alright to say how things have been for her since she found out about the case?”

    “That would be a statement of facts, so yes.”

    “After Astrid found out her grandmother was trying to get custody of her she's had spells of crying in the classroom. She told me that she went to visit with her, but the visit wasn't fun and her grandmother said bad things about Mr. Strange. She didn't tell me what the bad things were, although I can guess what they might have been. From what I know about the woman, I can't see how she would approve of a man like that being involved with her son. Astrid said that she got a lot of gifts from her, but her father donated them instead of her keeping them. She liked that, because she didn't really want any of those things after hearing the bad stuff.”

    “Speaking of Donny, I'd also like to know what you think of his father. Have you interacted with him in any significant way? What is your impression of Dr. Strange?”

    The title surprised Tina, but she didn't take too long before speaking again. “The biggest impression I got from Donny's father was that he was in need of some help. Just like with Astrid, he was always there to bring him to school and take him home. Donny was in early because he was on the breakfast program, so I normally saw Dr. Strange every morning. He always looked tired and seemed to be afraid of other people. I did give him information on some programs that might have helped him out, but I don't think he ever took advantage of them. Karl Mordo was the only one out of all the parents to try and get closer to him. There was one time I remember seeing him with a bruise on his face. I was afraid of how it had happened, but I didn't want to ask. I guess the biggest reason for not trying to get either one more help was that as far as I could see Donny was well loved and had all his basic needs met. Getting the authorities involved probably would have meant they would be separated, and that wasn't good for anyone.”

    “Did you know they were homeless?”

    “Not while they were living on the streets. After Dr. Strange moved in to the Mordo home, Donny told me about how they lived. He said he hadn't told anyone because he was afraid somebody would take him away from his daddy, and he loved him too much to have that happen. Sadly, I think he might have been right about what might have occurred if Donny let something slip.” 

    Lily nodded her agreement. “It's funny, because there are so many times that children should be taken away from their parents or risk serious harm yet no one is willing to step in and do so. But when there are concerns raised about a child who's parents aren't necessarily able to push back against the forces involved it makes it easier to remove the child. In my opinion, the situation Donny was in should have warranted some manner of intervention, but not removing him from his father's care. Of course, what else would there have been? Most shelters still keep men lodged separately from children, and don't even let married couples stay together. And with the nature of Stephen's work, more people would want to get Donny out of that environment without thinking of his father.” Lily hoped she hadn't shared too much, but figuring there was no going back asked “Are you aware of how he was making a living?”

    Tina sighed. “From the bits I heard from Donny and his father at times I strongly suspected it was something illegal. Given how hard it appeared things were for them, and the way Dr. Strange was evasive on the issue, I knew it wasn't anything good.” She looked away. “I may be wrong, but I believed there was a good chance he was involved in the sex trade in some way. Just something about the way he interacted with others and his demeanor.”

    Lily felt uncomfortable having to say it, but replied “You would be correct. That's the main impetus behind the court case – that Stephen's past is going to cause harm to Astrid and she would be better off elsewhere.”

    “Well, if you need me to say otherwise, I'll be more than glad to.”

    She turned off her device and began packing up. “Your statement should be enough, if you aren't certain about testifying in court. But if you think that you can be of help, I'll pencil you in as a potential witness. Depending on how the other side demonstrates its case, we may not need you in person. I'm going to plan as though you are needed in any event.”

    Tina looked dismayed. “Do you think that this is going to go to court? There's no chance of settlement?”

     “I wish there was a chance, and we've got a meeting set up to talk about the possibilities of avoiding court. I know the other attorney involved, and he's never settled outside of court as far as I know. And with the feelings that are present on both sides, I can't see how we could have any kind of compromise here. Thank you for your time, Ms. Minoru. I hope we don't have to meet again.”

* * *

 

    The biggest surprise that Christine could look at having happened to her in a very long time came just a few days after her strange encounter with Kaecilius. (Not knowing him very well, she normally would have thought of him by his last name, but with how their meeting had gone she wasn't inclined to grant him that basic respect.)

    She was getting a cup of coffee downtown, and as she was walking out with her drink she caught a glimpse of a familiar face.  _Is that... It couldn't be._ It was a bit of a shock to see someone who at the very least strongly resembled Stephen. He was with another man, and was so different in his manner that she thought she had to be mistaken. Before Stephen had always walked around like he owned the room, but now he looked to be drawn in on himself. It seemed he wanted to not be noticed by anyone.

    Christine decided to get a bit closer. If it wasn't him, then she could just move on. Quickening her steps, she was soon standing close enough to make out any distinctive features. But what she needed to see wasn't his face. The sight of trembling hands made her know she had been right from the start. “Oh my God! Stephen? Is that you?”

    The look of horror on Stephen's face was enough to make her wonder if this had been a mistake. “Christine?” he said in a much quieter tone than she could recall him ever having used before.

    The other man placed his hand on Stephen's arm, and Christine thought he looked concerned. “Who is this? How do you know her?”

    Stepping ahead, she extended her hand in greeting. “I'm Christine Palmer. Stephen and I used to work together many years ago. I haven't seen him in so long, I just got ahead of myself. Sorry if I scared you.” It wasn't too hard to guess that the unknown man was likely a date of his. She'd known that Stephen liked men as well as women the whole time they'd been together, and it had never been a big deal.

    “Christine, this is Karl.” Stephen still seemed to be ill-at-ease with meeting her again. And from this distance it was easier to see that he'd lost some weight. Not enough to put him in an unhealthy zone, but enough to be noticed. But the worst thing of all was the mixture of intense sadness and fear that warred in his eyes as she looked at them. Never had she seen such distress, even during Stephen's most unguarded moments. _What happened to you?_

    “Nice to meet you, Karl.” She turned her attention back to Stephen. “So what have you been up to since we last met? It was like you vanished off the face of the earth. I kept trying to get a hold of you, but I never could.”

    Karl leaned into Stephen, and could be heard whispering something, although the exact words weren't discernible. “I've been around. I have a son now.” 

    Christine smiled. “Oh, that's wonderful! How old is he?” Even with the good news she still sensed the overall level of discomfort Stephen was experiencing was high. His overall demeanor reminded her of someone who had experienced a great trauma at some point. She wondered if it was connected to his son's birth.

    “Donny's just turning seven. He's getting a real party this year. I can't wait. He's going to the movies with a friend, and then they're going out to a real restaurant. It's all because of Karl. He can get Donny so much more than I ever could.” 

    Karl for his part didn't look too happy with the praise. “Stephen, you know you always did your best. Donny's just as happy with a piece of cake and a slice of pizza. I know he'll love everything, but don't be too hard on yourself.”

    Christine couldn't really comprehend what she was hearing. How was it that Stephen couldn't have a party for his child? She made the decision to inquire further. “Why wouldn't you be able to have a party without Karl? Stephen, what's been going on for you?”

    He looked down and did not raise his head as he spoke. “Thing's haven't been too good. It's been real rough since I had to sell my apartment. I...” but he trailed off.

    Karl interjected with “Do you want to talk to Christine right now?” There was something else behind his words, something she couldn't identify.

    “I think I can tell her a bit. Do you want to sit down somewhere?” Stephen still was not looking at her, and was even more drawn into himself than he had been in the beginning.

    “There's a coffee shop nearby. Why don't we go sit down, get caught up a bit?”

    “If it's no trouble.” That cemented it; something was drastically wrong with Stephen. Christine had never heard him sound so uncertain before.

    As they walked over to get caught up, Christine noticed Karl place his hand on Stephen's arm. By now she suspected they were dating in some way, but the level of reserve Stephen was showing surprised her. He'd always been a very affectionate person in both public and private, and that had been one of the things she liked best about him. But now he made no move to touch Karl, and he likewise kept his hands to himself. Maybe Karl was just a more private person and didn't like any public displays of affection, but she wasn't certain about that. A sense of dread was growing within her.

    They sat down, and Karl was the first to speak. “I'm going to get a coffee. Do you want anything?” 

    “No. It's fine.” Stephen still maintained his hunched posture, and his eyes were darting towards the door off and on.

    Christine couldn't wait any longer. “Stephen, what has happened to you since we last saw each other? You're so different now. And that's not a good thing. I can't understand how it happened.”

    Stephen was silent until Karl came back with a cup of coffee and a piece of pound cake. “I know you like this, so I thought it might be nice.”

    “Thank you, Karl.” He looked at his plate. “I said that things didn't go so well after I sold my apartment. Well, that might be a bit of an understatement. After I moved out I had exactly four hundred dollars left to my name. The only other thing I had was a transit pass, so I could go anywhere I wanted to. But there wasn't any place I could go. I had no one who cared where I was or what I was doing. For a while I just wandered around, slept where I could. That was how I met Donny's mother, Starla. She knew how to get by on the streets.”

    Christine almost couldn't believe what she was hearing. Stephen had been homeless after he left her? “Why on Earth didn't you talk to me? I would have given you a place to stay if I'd only known.”

    “Why would you want to do that? I was horrible to you. You should have been glad I wasn't around anymore. So I spent almost the next year going around with Starla, trying to get by. Couldn't really get work because I couldn't do the kind of work homeless people normally can do.” His face began to turn red as he talked about working.

    With the age of his son, Christine knew that he had to have been born at some point during that time. “I can tell Donny must have been born at some point. What did you do after that?”

    “Starla wasn't someone who wanted to be a parent. I had to tell her that I'd do everything and she wouldn't have to be responsible in any way to keep her from just abandoning him somewhere. So then it was me and him.”

    “So was that when you were able to get back on your feet?”

    Stephen took a deep breath. Karl placed his arm around his shoulders as he spoke. “No. That didn't happen until just a few months ago. From the day I moved out until Karl let us move in we were living on the streets, getting by as best we could.”

    It seemed impossible. Stephen was an accomplished man with a medical degree. Even if he was no longer able to perform as a surgeon, there still should have been options open to him. It did explain why she had only just heard something about a job, though. “You were living on the streets with a child for that long? How did you get by?”

    She wished she hadn't asked that. The level of nerves present looked to have multiplied, and Stephen's hands shook even more than the usual. He slumped down, and said “I d-did what I had to do. Had to help Donny... just what I deserved... get what's coming to you...”

    Karl looked like he wanted to grab Stephen and run. “You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to. I don't think Christine will mind if you can't tell her more.”

    She had to add herself “He's right. I'm sorry I asked if it's such a hard topic for you. Forgive me.” By this point she was wondering if her initial impression of why Kaecilius had come to speak with her was accurate. From what she was seeing, Stephen didn't look like he was able to go out and get work the way she thought he could. There would be no need to send someone to find reasons to reject him if the way he was acting right now was standard functioning for him. To succeed in an interview, you needed to show confidence, which Stephen had had a great deal of in the past but now looked so far away. Christine wasn't certain she wanted to know how it was Stephen had been able to get by while he had lived on the streets. A part of her feared the answer, having guessed that whatever had happened during those years had been extremely traumatic for him. 

    “No, she shouldn't have to know. Christine's good, just like you are. Maybe I shouldn't have even stopped to talk to her.”

    “Of course you should have! I'm really glad to have seen you. Things might have not worked out for us, but you're still my friend. I like to know that my friends are doing well.” Changing the subject, she asked “How did you meet Karl?”

    “His daughter's in the same class as Donny. We talked a bit, I got sick, and one thing led to another.” It felt like a lot was being left out, but Christine didn't ask for more. 

    Karl, who had been keeping his attention on Stephen until now, then looked at her direction. “Christine, would you object to me asking a favor of you?”

    Part of her wasn't sure what to say. Stephen looked even more distressed to hear the words, but nothing she had seen from Karl thus far indicated to her the request would be unreasonable. “Why don't you tell me what it is you need and I'll see if I can do it.”

    “Would it be possible for you to talk to someone about what Stephen was like when you worked with him? Just give them an idea about what kind of worker he was.”

    It was an echo of last week. “You know what, it's funny hearing you say that. Believe it or not, you're the second person to ask me about that recently.”

    Both men looked like they had been slapped. Stephen broke the silence by saying “W-who did you talk to?” The slight stammer in his voice was something Christine had only noticed in situations of extreme stress prior to this. She now wondered if she'd been right about why she had been sought out.

    Carefully choosing her words, she said “You didn't know? A Mr. Sorenson came to see me after work last week. I thought he was looking into hiring you for some position, and I gave him the most positive report I could –” but her words were cut off.

    Stephen had gone horrifyingly pale, and was breathing in only short gasps. “Oh God – he told her – she knows – work – no.”

    Karl also looked shocked, and went into action right away. He placed his hands on Stephen's shoulders, and said “She doesn't know about that. If she'd known, she would have known why Kaecilius was there. It's okay, Stephen. Take a deep breath.”

    By now Christine had a pretty good idea of what Stephen was getting so panicked over. The pieces were adding up in her brain: how he'd managed to get by while living on the streets, his significant change in demeanor, and why he was so afraid of her finding out the answers. From what she'd heard from the members of New York's homeless population, there were always a few ways one could make a living if you had no conventional work lined up. And even with how he acted now, Stephen was still a very good-looking man. She made sure that none of this was written on her face as she said “Hold on. I thought that the reason I was sought out was so that whoever this Kaecilius worked for wouldn't have to hire Stephen. Now I'm getting the idea that I wasn't being told the whole story. What's going on here?”

    Karl didn't look directly at her, with his attention still focused on Stephen. When he did speak, the anger in his voice rang clear. “Kaecilius is my mother's lawyer. She's currently trying to get custody of my daughter because of Stephen living with me. She thinks he's a bad influence on her because of what happened while he was living on the streets. I suspect you were sought out so that he would have even more ammunition to use in the courtroom.”

    Her own temper was now thoroughly riled. “That  _asshole._ He came over to me and was so charming, and tried to make it seem like he was just getting information. I heard nothing about my words potentially being used in a court of law. That's why he never said why he was there. And why he seemed so annoyed when I wouldn't tell him what he needed to hear. That bastard asked me to give him names of other doctors who might be able to talk about Stephen! Thank God I didn't give him anything. I do not like being lied to like that.” The lies may have been ones of omission, since Kaecilius had never outright said he was looking to hire Stephen. But he'd also never outright said he was a lawyer or that anything she said could have been used in court. She shuddered to think of what would have happened if she had given a less glowing report.

    Stephen's voice was quiet as he asked “Do you know if he spoke to anyone else?”

    “The only one I know of is Nic. I was asked to give more names, but I said I couldn't remember them. I know that at least Vicky was spoken to, but she told me that she backed out when the questions got a little weird.” In hindsight Christine wished she'd asked her what she was talking about. All Vicky had said was that while she had no problem talking about how difficult it could be to work with Stephen, it was the other inquiries that made her step back.

    “We're doomed. Nic's going to be happy to tell them everything. No one is going to think I'm the kind of person who should be around Astrid after they hear what he has to say. I'm so sorry, Karl. I should have known I would only end up hurting you.”

    Karl pulled in Stephen closer and said “Nothing is certain. This Nic's still just one person. And remember, we're seeing Dr. Lewis in a few days. He'll give us a professional opinion on the whole matter. And so far Dr. Warren seems to think Astrid's doing very well. I know we can fight this. Please remember I love you, and will not give up on you.” He turned his focus to Christine. “I hope I'm not asking too much, but are you willing to go to court and tell them about how you know Stephen? If you did work together, then it would be a great help to us.”

    “I certainly will. Can you give me the name and number of your attorney so I can speak to them on my own? It's been a while, so I don't know how many others might be able to talk about the kind of worker Stephen was back then.”

    “Her name is Lily Tate, and I have her number right here.” He pulled out his phone, and Christine jotted down the digits. “It's fine if no one else can come in and talk about what Stephen was like then. I'm really supposed to be the focus of this case, so I'll be getting people who know me and how I've cared for Astrid over the years.”

    “I hope that it works out for you. I know I'm going to do my best to help.” She may have not known Karl's mother at all, but two things about the whole situation stood out to her: first, nothing about the man seemed to say he would put his romantic partner over the welfare of his child. And the type of person who would hire a lawyer like Kaecilius wasn't typically inclined towards benevolent behavior. It made her feel more comfortable going forward.

    Stephen managed to say “We really need to get going soon.”

    That was something she understood quite well. Karl grabbed a napkin to wrap the pound cake in, since it had remained untouched the whole time. Christine went to address Stephen by saying “Is there a chance we could meet up here again some time? It was great getting to talk to you again, and I'd love to do it more often.”

    “Friday might work. I'm here a lot, because my psychiatrist has his office nearby.” Saying that caused his face to turn red, but it made her feel glad. In spite of the clearly serious problems Stephen now had, he wasn't alone in this. Karl probably was a great help, but he may have been in over his head trying to deal with everything.

    “I'm not sure about this Friday, but next Friday sounds good. Around the same time?”

    “That's fine.”

    Christine grinned, and said “See you then.” She did want to try one final request. “Would it be alright if I hugged you?” Normally she wouldn't have thought twice about doing so, but with everything she'd learned it didn't feel as if it would be a wise course of action to do so.

    Her suspicions were in part confirmed when he looked at his feet and said “I'm sorry, I don't think I can do that now.”

    “That's fine. Can't wait to see you again.” She left, with the knowledge she now had weighing her down. 

    First thing that she needed to do when she got to work was to alert any of the other doctors and nurses she'd known worked with Stephen about Kaecilius. Most of them weren't too fond of him, but none of them were also willing to let their personal feelings be put on display in a courtroom. The lack of honesty was also a factor that needed to be considered.

    With a jolt, Christine realized that she had promised to call the lawyer back once she'd gotten a few names for him. Her plan prior to this had been to claim that she'd been unable to find anyone who used to work with Stephen, but now she was going to tell the bastard upfront what she now knew and how she felt.

    She hoped he wasn't prepared for the tongue-lashing she was going to be giving out tonight.

* * *

 

    Kaecilius was somewhat prepared for when he received Dr. Palmer's call that evening. Other than Dr. West and herself, there had only been one person whom had spoken with him, but she wasn't a likely candidate to work for them. As soon as he'd started asking questions about it's personal life the woman had given him a strange look and said their discussion was over. It was his fault in part; he'd pushed for too much too soon. At least he'd gotten one person to work for him – Dr. West had just laughed when he'd heard of how it had gotten by since leaving the medical field. “Can't say he wouldn't love that,” had been his response. Kaecilius had laughed as well, and told him to be ready for his day in court.

    In just a few days the meeting of all parties in the case would be occurring. He had already chosen his outfit and had instructed both Becky and Lucien to make sure to be around when Karl brought the whore in. Too bad Percy had left them. Having all its old friends nearby would have been such a good time.

    Still putting on the charm as best he could, he answered with “Hello, this is Kaecilius Sorenson speaking.”

    The voice on the other end clearly wasn't playing nice. “Why hello, Mr. Sorenson. I've just finished speaking with one Lily Tate. I trust you know her?” Dr. Palmer let a moment of silence linger before saying “I don't appreciate being lied to like that. And I especially don't like being used to get dirt on my friends. You're going to wish you'd never done that.”

    It sounded so amusing. “I was wondering when you might find out. So how did you learn? Did Dr. West tell you?”

    “Stephen himself told me. Wasn't it a stroke of luck that I happened to run into him after so long?”

    “Ah. So how much did it tell you? You do know how it was getting by before? If you don't, I have a few photos you might want to see.”

    The rage in her voice grew even more. “He didn't tell me a damn thing. I could guess on my own what happened. And you are a complete monster, talking about Stephen like that. You may be used to pushing people around like that, but I am not someone who will be bent over.”

    Stupid idiot. “Do you really think that you can go toe to toe against me, Dr. Palmer? I've ruined far greater people than you, and I will not hesitate to take you down if it benefits me.”

    “Well, then I'm sure there will be people who would like to hear about that meeting of ours. I'm fairly certain that there are rules for contacting potential witnesses, and you surely didn't follow them then. How does that sound?”

    It wasn't the best outcome. Kaecilius knew he had been skating on thin ice going after her as it was, and the risk of legal sanctions wasn't one he wanted to take right now. “Very well. You win this time. But make certain, I will destroy you when you come before me in the courtroom.”

    “I'll consider that my highest honor.” The call was ended, with no farewell.

    Well, risks had to be taken in order to succeed. Even getting one good witness for you was still a positive thing. Kaecilius doubted there would be very much he could use against Dr. Palmer, because from what he'd seen she was considered a first-rate medical professional. The only real course left to him was to point out that she'd been seeing it before and that might cloud her judgement.

    Soon, soon everything would come together. He hoped it would be glad to see him again. And perhaps there was a little something he could put on the table... 

 

 

 


	27. Nightmare Made Flesh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A meeting to work out an agreement goes about as well as can be expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With my other fic now complete, I can devote my full attention to this one now.
> 
> So that there isn't any unfair blame placed here, Lily's unfortunately correct about how it looks if you don't even try to get some kind of agreement without going to court. With a lawyer like Kaecilius, this could be the kiss of death to your chances of winning. 
> 
> Warnings: non-consensual groping.

    Karl had been forced in his adult life to do a variety of things that made another person uncomfortable. Virtually all of said things had involved Astrid, and the duties one had as a parent to make their child do things they may not have liked very much. But what was going on right now was making him feel worse than he had in the past.

    It had started with a phone call from Lily. She had first updated him and Stephen on the people she'd been able to speak with so far about their capacities as parents. “I've talked with Donny and Astrid's teacher, as well as Dr. Palmer. I'm hoping to meet with Mr. Wong at some point soon.” So far so good. But her next sentence was a surprise. “I've also spoken with Mr. Sorenson.” Lily was ever professional, only referring to the others involved by their last names. “He wants all parties to have a meeting at his office to see if we can work out some kind of agreement without going to court.”

    Resolving the matter without facing the stress of a trial seemed like a good idea to Karl, but he couldn't imagine Kaecilius making any kind of concessions to them in order to avoid a fight. It wasn't in the man's nature. “How much of a chance do you think we have here?”

    “Realistically? Zero. I know Mr. Sorenson far too well to think he'll give in without being made to do so. The problem here is if we don't agree to try and make an attempt at resolving Astrid's custody. I know damn well that if I say we're not going to meet up then it will be used against us in court. 'Well, your honor, I did give them the chance to work things out, but they said no.' I'm not a fan of going and meeting with them anymore than you are, but I can guarantee things will be much worse if we opt out.”

    Karl could understand that, but a bigger concern was looming in his mind. “Would it just be you and me along with Kaecilius and my mother?”

    Lily sighed, and didn't speak for a while. He already had figured out what she would say before the words came out. “No. When I say all parties, I mean everyone. Astrid wouldn't have to come, but Stephen needs to be there.”

    She didn't understand. “It's a terrible idea for Stephen to come to the meeting. Do you know what Kaecilius has done to him in the past?”

    “Specifically, I don't. But I can say I've heard rumors, and that man isn't going to surprise me with what he can do. You need to understand, Karl, that things will be worse without Stephen there. They'll ask why we're keeping him away from this. Are we trying to hide something? I am sorry for everything, but in order to get the best shot at keeping Astrid we need to be as transparent as we can be. Try and make sure Stephen's always with you while we're there.” She seemed to think of something else. “Do you know if Mr. Sorenson ever took him to the office? If he did, I can try and get us a third-party site.”

    “I don't know.”

    “Then we'll stay with what we have.”

    “Another question: how should I dress for this?”

    “Formally. You need to look like you are taking this whole event as seriously as possible. The same applies for Stephen.”

    This was getting worse. “Are you talking about wearing a suit and tie?”

    “That would be the standard for formal attire for men, so yes.”

    Karl doubted what he would say next would make a difference, but he had to say it. “Stephen's got problems with suits. Someone who hurt him before always wore suits.” The identity of the suit-wearer didn't need to be said right now. Lily could most likely tell the answer anyway.

    The pain in her voice was clear as she said “I understand why it's an issue. But I know that no matter what either of you wear, somebody's going to have a suit on when we meet. Try talking to Stephen, warning him about what's coming up. If all else fails you might want to see about getting something to take for anxiety. This isn't any easier on me than it is on you. The whole set-up here is just trying to see what kinds of weaknesses we have. And avoiding the whole affair will only make things worse. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.” At this point Karl could imagine her head in her hands. “Just – let Stephen know I'm sorry. I promise, I will do my best to keep him out of the actual proceedings. If his doctor will say how badly it would affect him...” She trailed off.

    There hadn't been much to say from that point onward. Karl had broken the news to Stephen as gently as possible, but the look on his face told him how unwelcome the affair was going to be for all involved.

    Now they were both sitting in Karl's car outside of the building, gathering strength for the meeting. Stephen's face had taken on the same blank look he'd seen in those terrible pictures, and it took all of Karl's strength to not just turn around right now. “Are you alright?”

    The question was clearly ridiculous, as evidenced by his answer. “No.” Stephen was pointedly not looking at Karl directly, and seemed stiff in his jacket in spite of it being perfectly tailored to fit him.

    “Just stay with me. Have you been here before?” The whole experience was going to be bad enough as is. If Kaecilius had also abused Stephen in his office it would be upgraded from “bad” to “nightmarish”.

    “No. He took me to his home, and I've been in his car. But I never knew where he worked.” The name still did not slip past his lips.

    Karl inhaled. “Then let's do this.” As he got out, he took Stephen's hand in his own, and grasped it firmly.

    As they got off the elevator, Becky was standing waiting to get on. She blinked a few times on seeing them. “Oh. Well, hello there.” There was a strange smile on her lips.

    Karl wondered at first why she was acting like this. The last time he'd met her, she'd seemed annoyed that he was trying to see Kaecilius, but hadn't cared about him one way or another. It wasn't until he heard Stephen whisper “Hello,” that it dawned on him she may not have been speaking to him.

    “So, what brings you here? Business or pleasure? Or is there really a difference for you? Just couldn't bother to wear that dress, Roxanne?”

    The words were cruel and Karl wanted to slap her as she spoke. Had Kaecilius told everyone he worked with about what Stephen had done? But there was an even worse option. When Stephen had told him about the party, he'd mentioned a woman using the initial B. Had that been _Becky?_ Her words as well as Stephen's clear fear told him what the answer was. Not wanting this to go any further, Karl cut off any more discussion by asking “Is Lily here yet?”

    “She's in the meeting room. You can go in if you like. See you. Maybe at some point we can catch up on old times, huh Roxanne?”

    Karl led Stephen away as fast as he could, listening to the sound of his rapid-fire breath. Once they were out of Becky's sight, he stopped and placed his arm around Stephen's shoulders. “I'm sorry. I had no idea.”

    “Neither did I. I never knew she worked with him. I just thought they knew each other. What if any of the others are here? I can't...” Stephen was trembling so badly that Karl almost wanted to just get him out of here, to hell with the consequences.

    But that would make the situation with Astrid even worse, and that was just as bad an option as exposing Stephen to people who had abused him in the past. They stood there for almost five minutes, and Stephen did begin to become more relaxed.

    Lily was waiting outside the room their meeting was going to be held. She looked relieved to see them here. “Oh, good, you're here. If I had to spend any more time with that man asking me questions about my family and what kind of background I come from I think I would just start screaming. I've just been smiling and saying that it's no one's business but my own where I come from. Honestly.” She rolled her eyes.

    That didn't sound very much like Kaecilius. Karl knew that he cared about what kind of person you were now, but where you had come from wasn't a big deal. Why would he be interrogating Lily like that?

    His question was answered almost as soon as he walked into the room. Kaecilius occupied the seat of honor, with his mother sitting close by. The third member of the group caused him to stop dead in his tracks.

    It had been over twenty years since he had seen Heinrich Krowler, but his grandfather was in many ways the same. He had the manner of someone who knew he was above every other person around him, and wasn't afraid to let anyone know it. He kept his gaze fixed on him for some time before simply saying “Karl.”

    “Grandfather.” Karl may have felt intimidated by his grandfather in the past, but he was a grown man now. He had no secrets that could be used against him, and he doubted that Grandfather would do anything to harm Stephen now. He had to know that if anything happened to him, Karl would break the silence about the death of his father. Even if no charges would ever be filed, there was a good chance Krowler would lose a great deal of his reputation by having everything out in the open. “What are you doing here?”

    His voice maintained the same level of control it always had. “To see if you will come to your senses. This foolishness has gone on long enough. Your daughter is the proper heir to your title. She should be kept from those who will drag her down.”

    Stephen looked slightly confused, and Karl realized at this point he'd never spoken about that with him. He whispered into his ear “I'll explain later,” before responding. “I believe I know what is best for Astrid.”

    Kaecilius cleared his throat, and Karl noticed he was wearing the tie he'd given him so long ago, the same one that had been used for other purposes in the photos. “Since we're all here now, we can begin. I know that everyone has a burning desire to get this settled, so let's see what we can do.” As he spoke, he kept his eyes firmly fixed on Stephen. He looked down at the table, and he and Karl took their own seats next to Lily.

    Lily was the first to say anything. “If we're going to settle this, then let's see what we can do. I've spoken with my client, and he's willing to allow Astrid somewhat regular visitation with her grandmother in exchange for dropping the custody case. Most of the visits would be taking place here in New York, but arrangements could be made for her to travel to Germany. Her father would be accompanying her the entire time, because he feels that it's too much to ask a child of her age to travel alone out of the country.” The plan had been worked over by the two of them over several visits. Karl at first had not wanted to send Astrid to the Krowler home at all, but Lily had reminded him that if he did not allow that it would look like he was placing too many burdens on his mother's visitation. He wasn't certain he agreed, given the amount of money she had and how easy it would be to travel to and from both locations, but the point was valid. She'd been the one to suggest that he go with Astrid to make certain she was able to return. Spending time at his old home wasn't his idea of a good time, but he doubted it would come to that. Kaecilius was almost certainly going to jump on any slight problems with the proposal and use them as an excuse to decline it.

    Kaecilius, as expected, didn't seem too pleased. “If that is something you are willing to put forth, then how come my client has only seen her granddaughter once since I began to represent her? They got along like a house on fire, at least from what I heard. Shouldn't we already have some manner of visitation schedule in place by this time if you are truly willing to allow it?” It was the second time he'd made some kind of reference to burning in his speech. Karl was getting an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, and seeing how Kaecilius kept looking at Stephen made him feel even worse.

    For the most part Stephen was looking anywhere but at any of the other people in the room. His hands were under the table, out of sight for anyone to see. Karl wanted to try and hold him in some way, but didn't know how to do so in an unobtrusive manner. He ended up murmuring into his ear “It will be okay.” The words rang hollow, but he had no idea what else he could say.

    There was an annoyed look on Lily's face as she stated “The reason we have not gone forward with more visits is the behavior of your client during the one visit we have had. According to Astrid, your client took the time to bad-mouth Dr. Strange during their time together. This was understandably difficult for her to hear. Mr. Mordo has told me that he spoke with his mother following the visit and said further visitation would only happen if she would agree to be respectful the entire time. She did not see anything wrong with her remarks, so as of today we have no visits planned. In addition to that, why on Earth did your client think it was a good idea to talk about Dr. Strange's work history to her granddaughter? The crux of her concern is how his past employment is going to affect Astrid's well-being, am I right? With that being said, why then would she tell her about it? Up to that point Astrid knew nothing, and wouldn't have known unless she was told. Was that not harmful in and of itself?”

    “How, may I ask, is the truth harmful? You seem to believe that Astrid would not at some point realize the truth about Dr. Strange.” Using Stephen's proper title looked to be nearly impossible for him. “Can you tell me if learning the truth about it wouldn't cause any bridges to be burned here?”

    By now Karl was convinced that Kaecilius knew damn well what he was doing by referring to fire so often in his speech. He was trying to set off Stephen's PTSD in some way, most likely so he could use it as evidence that he was too unstable to be a good parent. And honestly, part of him was doing it just because he enjoyed the pain he could cause. Kaecilius was a sadistic bastard who took pleasure in causing hurt to those beneath him. With Stephen being unlikely to say anything about what had happened between them, he was an open target for this entire meeting. Resorting to the only option he had, Karl grabbed a pen and quickly scribbled a note to Lily. _Tell them the rest of the details of our proposal. If they won't accept or offer anything else we're done. He's trying to hurt Stephen and I'm afraid of what will happen next._

    She glanced over the note and then said “Forget about that. What I am offering here is granting your client visitation at least once a month in New York, and maybe twice more abroad. That is the absolute best deal I can give you right now. Would you have any other proposals to give now?”

    “I enjoy hearing your flaming hot take on the issue, but once a month is far too little. The bare minimum I can go with is four months out of twelve – vacation mostly, of course. What reason do you have for keeping a loving grandmother away from her only grandchild so often? You do acknowledge that a girl growing up needs a female influence in her life to help her grow strong.”

    Lily shook her head. “That's far too much time for a child to be away from a parent, regardless of who they are with. Let me put it bluntly: is there any chance of you entertaining any reasonable offer?”

    The smile on Kaecilius's lips made Karl want to punch him. “I do believe I've given you a very reasonable offer. Do you really want to see your chances of any sort of victory go up in smoke here?”

    Stephen by now could be seen trembling, and Karl put his arm around his shoulders. Judging by the way Lily and Kaecilius were talking, this would be over soon. He kept thinking _Just a little bit longer. Hang on, Stephen._

    Lily met his eyes and did not avert her gaze as she said “So what you are telling me is there is no chance of any compromise here.”

    “I never said anything like that. I gave you what I think is a perfectly good offer, given that I know we can win without any trouble. How do you think a judge is going to feel learning about what kind of individual your client has brought into the home? Everything will go up in flames then, and you'll know that it's responsible for all the trouble here.” Not only did he keep making the references to burning in order to hurt Stephen, Karl also noticed that for the second time he used the pronoun “it” when speaking of him. The idea that was how he saw him made him feel sick.

    Lily got up and simply said “We're done here. Clearly there's no way I can get any kind of agreement going that will satisfy both parties. I'll see you in court.” Karl felt glad that the whole ordeal was finally over, and as he helped Stephen to his feet he could at least take some comfort in the fact that it would at least be some time before he would have to face Kaecilius, if he saw him at all.

    But just as Karl was exiting the room, a hand reached over to grab his arm. “I would like it if we had a chance to speak.” He had always obeyed that voice while he was a child, and while now he felt no obligation to respond there wasn't likely to be much harm by doing so.

    Nodding at Stephen, he responded with “I doubt we have much to say to each other, Grandfather.”

    Krowler cleared his throat. “I believe we do.” He waited to see what Karl would do next, but when the desired reaction did not occur he said “Why are you with this man? You know what he's done. He has degraded himself on a regular basis, and he will bring that filth he carries with him onto you. Is the pleasure he gives you so great that you can ignore these things?”

    The first thing he wanted to say in response was _I haven't even seen Stephen naked yet. The idea that he must be giving me sex in order for us to have any manner of relationship is appalling. Why can't you accept that I might love him no matter what he might have done?_ But saying that would have meant nothing. His answer was “I love Stephen, and I also love Astrid. I don't see how my love for either one makes the other lesser. And my love for Stephen has nothing to do with what he might have done in the past. All that matters is the here and now.”

    A nod. “You are leaving me with little choice.”

    Karl knew that glimmer in his eyes, one that bode ill for his family. He pushed forward and replied “And what choice would that be?”

    “Either you make that man leave your life, or you surrender Astrid to us. Otherwise I believe that there would be several media outlets that would be interested to learn that a Baron is living with a whore right now.” The cold aura that came from his words told Karl this was no bluff.

    Well, he had ammunition of his own. “And if you do so, then I will have no choice but to tell everyone I can about Father's death.”

    He seemed slightly rattled by the pronouncement, but still maintained a calm voice by saying “You have no proof of anything.”

    Karl was glad that his grandfather wasn't outright denying the truth. In a way, he felt a bit more respect for him due to this. “No, I don't. But I know there are people who were suspicious at the time that things were not what they seemed to be. If Nikolai Mordo's own son says he knows his father was murdered, then I believe it should be enough to open the investigation again. What will happen to your own standing in society if you and your daughter are the center of a murder investigation?”

    The displeasure on the face of Krowler told Karl his words were hitting close to home. “You are playing a dangerous game here.”

    He nodded. “If that is what it takes for Astrid, then that is what I am going to do.”

    “Then we will meet in court.” With his grandfather's final words, Karl went to see if Stephen was waiting outside the room. He was beginning to feel worried about having left him alone, but it was only for a few minutes. Kaecilius might not have even noticed he was unaccompanied right now.

    But his thoughts rang hollow, and he went forward hoping to get Stephen and get out of here as quickly as possible.

 

* * *

 

    Stephen had done his very best to try and remain calm during the meeting. Things had been bad from the start, with meeting the woman B getting off the elevator. He hated having his past dragged out before Karl like that, and was glad that they still went forward. Attending the meeting was important to keeping Astrid in their home, and if he ruined it because of his own hang-ups then Karl would never forgive him.

    While almost nothing that had been said during the meeting was difficult to hear (except when Kaecilius talked about fire and looked at him each time he mentioned it), being around his first connection had been a challenge. Stephen tried to keep his breathing steady and his mind focused on the now, but even the tie he was wearing served to bring back unpleasant memories. It had helped when Karl had put his hand on him, because otherwise Stephen was afraid he would have sunk into a flashback without it.

    But now they were done, and it wasn't until he'd gone a bit out of the room that he realized Karl wasn't with him. Panic filled his body as he tried to locate him.

    As he looked around, he heard a familiar voice saying “So we meet again.” Stephen stopped dead in his tracks. There wasn't anyone else around, and with no choice he turned to look at Kaecilius.

    As always, he was perfectly put together, dressed as one would expect a well-regarded lawyer to be. His tie had been used for various purposes in the past that had nothing to do with apparel, and the smile he had on his face bode ill for their confrontation. “It looks like Karl's been pretty good to you. What did you have to do for that outfit, I wonder?”

    He couldn't think straight. Where had Karl gone?

    Kaecilius moved closer and closer to him until Stephen was backed up against the wall. He wondered if making any sound would make a difference. Or if he could even do anything but remain as still as possible. “You know, you have the power to end all of this.”

    His breath was right on his cheek as he spoke. Stephen knew he was making things worse by choosing to stay, but he had a fairly good idea that that wasn't what he meant.

    “All it would take would be just one time. Come with me for the day, and we can catch up on old times. Do good enough, and I might just leave the case. That would certainly throw a bit of a wrench into things. You could think of it as doing your duty. Karl might be so happy he wouldn't end up losing his daughter that maybe he'd forgive you at some point.” A laugh, and Stephen kept trying to put himself back into his safe place with Karl. “We haven't been apart for this long every since we met, have we? And I certainly know now you won't have any of those filthy diseases anymore. Did you know about that last gift you gave me? So ungrateful – I kept you alive and with your stupid child for so long.”

    Any minute now. Karl would be here, and then he would be safe. His chest was touching Kaecilius's now, and Stephen wondered what else he could do right out in the open.

    “All you have to do is let me know when. We can go back to my place, and have some fun. At least for me. But you love it too, don't you? I've seen you get off so many times by now. I wonder if Karl's gotten to see as much as I have?” His hands were now placed at Stephen's waist, and slowly began to move down between his legs. He placed one hand on his thigh and began to squeeze his groin with the other. “Has he gotten as much use out of you as I have? Karl likes his toys fresh, not all worn out.” His body betrayed him, just as it had so many times before. Karl had yet to stir him in such a way, but the man who was causing his love nothing but misery got that pleasure. “Always ready to go. What a good whore.” The low tone of his voice made Stephen's heart begin to race. _Not here... Not where Karl can see._ He'd heard that tone so often before, telling him what to do and how good he was if he was lucky.

    (If he wasn't lucky, then it would be insults compounded by fists.)

    Kaecilius seemed to put himself back together on some level. “I'll be waiting,” he said, and reached the hand he was using to grope him around until it was at his rear. A final squeeze, and he was gone.

    He didn't think it was very long before Karl caught up to him, but time felt like it was stuck around him. He still could feel the physical effects of his encounter, and the deep sense of shame that accompanied such things. He hoped Karl wouldn't notice anything amiss.

    “I'm so sorry. I got held up with my grandfather. Is everything alright?”

    Stephen wanted so much to be able to say that all was well. He didn't trust his voice to remain steady, and that would make answering in the affirmative a challenge. It felt a little easier to answer once they were in the elevator heading down. “I'm...” But he couldn't bring himself to lie.

    Karl's face shifted from apology to barely concealed anger. “What happened, Stephen?”

    He wanted nothing more than to just drop the subject and leave it. There wasn't much of a chance he would end up taking Kaecilius on his offer, because he was almost certain that it was a lie. He wouldn't leave a case that he had a good chance of winning just because he'd been satisfied in other ways. It would just end up being another way to lord his power over Stephen, now that he no longer could use it in the usual way.

    (But what if things turned out as badly as he feared they might? Wasn't it just another way he was selfish by avoiding a chance at saving the child of the man he loved because of what pain it might cause him? Could he live with Karl's hatred as long as he kept his family intact?)

    The only thing he was able to say was “Wait until we're in the car.” The shakiness of his voice came as a surprise, since felt so disconnected from himself right now. Stephen was vaguely disappointed that being outside himself didn't take away all of his feelings.

    Karl managed to nod, and the pain in his face made Stephen feel even worse. He wished he hadn't said anything now. But he did feel more grounded when Karl put his arm around his shoulders as they made their way out.

    They were seated, and Karl was the first to speak. “Stephen, did Kaecilius do anything with you while I wasn't there?”

    He decided to only tell part of it. “He said that if I would spend the day with him, then he might leave the case. He asked me what I had to do for the new outfit.”

    There was so much pain on Karl's face that Stephen wished he hadn't even said that much. “God. I knew something would go wrong. That settles it – I'm not putting you in the same place as him ever again. Of course he would think that I'm demanding something out of you like that. That's just what he would do, wouldn't he.”

    Stephen didn't know what to say. A part of him had thought that maybe Karl would be upset with him - _why didn't you say anything? Was the idea really that appealing to you?_ \- but the more rational part of his mind knew that wouldn't happen. The greater challenge was dealing with his anger towards the whole situation. What if Lily was held responsible? Stephen knew her well enough by now to know she was trying to do her best against a dangerous foe, and she had to look like she was always willing to settle no matter what. The strain all of this had shown on her face when they'd first spotted her, and he wished there was a way to help her out. She'd said once that her whole family lived far away from New York, so she didn't have the standard support network that had served her in the past. “Please don't be angry with Lily for making us come to the meeting. She's trying to make things work out as best she can. I should have been paying attention when we left.”

    He sighed. “I'm not mad at Lily, because I know she was right when she said both of us being here was important. She's not the one to blame here. But neither are you. You should be able to go about without having to worry about being accosted by someone who's hurt you in the past. Why didn't Mother get another lawyer? Why did I let Grandfather drag me off?” The bitterness in Karl's voice made Stephen want to cry. He was glad he hadn't told him the whole story.

    The rest of the way back was silent. Stephen already knew what he was going to do the minute he got back in, although he might wait a little and see to Karl before taking a shower. His own feelings were not what mattered right now.

    Karl's first action upon getting in was to sit down with his chin in his hands. Stephen carefully asked “Are you going to be okay?”

    “Just trying to think of how to talk with Lily about all this. She's said you shouldn't have to be part of any major court hearings, but I'm wondering now if there's something else we could do to make sure Kaecilius backs off.”

    “If we aren't in the same room, it shouldn't matter, right?”

    “No. He's already sent you some of his pictures. He knows where you are. Who's to say he won't show up unannounced one day?”

    Stephen hoped he wouldn't make things worse by saying what he did next. “He sent me a text a little while back. It was a picture of a gas can by a tree. He must have wanted me to think about the woods.”

    A hard edge could be seen in his face. “Then I absolutely will be telling her about today. I will not stand by and watch Kaecilius continue to torture you.” He felt uncomfortable hearing that, and with nothing else he could say Stephen decided to go and have his shower now. But Karl asked him “Where are you going?”

    He'd never spoken about all the times he showered before. “I was going to take a shower.”

    “You had a shower before we left today. You're clean enough, Stephen.” Karl looked as if he didn't want to ask the next question. “Please be honest with me: did Kaecilius do anything else besides just talk to you?”

    He said nothing, but knew the answer was clear on his face. He looked down, hoping the anger would be brief.

    “If you can't tell me about it, that's okay. When I first asked you to come live with me, I was hoping to keep you from ever being hurt again. Look how well I've kept that promise.”

    Stephen couldn't bear to hear Karl sound so upset. He went over and wrapped his arms around him, keeping his hands in safe places the entire time. “Please don't be upset. It wasn't your fault.”

    “It wasn't yours either.” That was something he couldn't respond to as of yet, so Stephen instead sat with Karl holding him, feeling like his safe place had left his head and come into the real world.

    For now, he was safe and sound.

 

 

 


	28. Truth and Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily speaks with both Karl and Kaecilius, and Jericho has an important talk with Donny.

    Lily still wished she hadn't had to go try and make nice with Kaecilius the previous day. She wasn't stupid – she'd noticed the repeated references to fire he was making as well as how he kept looking at Stephen. There had been rumors about the man when she was looking for an internship. One of the lawyers who was helping her as well as a man she attended school with had said in no uncertain terms that if you were a reasonably attractive man that you shouldn't go within a thousand miles of Kaecilius Sorenson. At the time, she'd wondered why if all that was known why no one did anything about it.

    But the more she learned about him, the clearer it became. Kaecilius had built up a public image of a man who was practically a saint, one who helped women in need of legal assistance. Lily had first thought that even if he did such good things it didn't make up for what else he did, but now she knew that even the veneer of a saintly image was a sham. The majority of cases he worked on weren't quite as black and white as it first seemed. Kaecilius took on new cases in part when he knew he could create a narrative in which his client was the most victimized person to have ever crossed his path, and the only way to remedy this was by granting all the legal recourse they were entitled to. And sadly, this worked more often than not in the public eye. It was so easy to look at any messy matters involving family law and think there was a right and a wrong side, when mostly it was far too many shades of grey.

    The only good thing she saw in Karl Mordo's case was that it would be nearly impossible to cast himself as defender of the downtrodden here. There would be quite a few people who would find their sympathy lay with Karl in this matter. True, a great deal of them might look aside at his choice of Stephen as his partner, but the idea of a loving, caring parent being forced to surrender their child due to said partner wasn't an easy idea for people to stomach. Without Kaecilius being able to play his public outrage card, the case could be judged more on its own merits. It was still going to be an uphill struggle, but there was hope.

    Getting into the office, she wasn't surprised that Karl had left her a message saying it was important to call him back. Yesterday had been one of the worst moments she could recall having experienced in her career, and she'd been haunted by the fear of Kaecilius cornering Stephen at some point following their meeting. Taking the plunge right away, she called Karl. “I'm guessing this isn't good news.”

    “No. Kaecilius ended up talking to Stephen after we finished and I was speaking with my grandfather. He said that if he'd just spend some time with him, he might consider leaving the case. Stephen also said he sent him a message talking about one of the times that he hurt him. I know that he did something else yesterday, but I haven't asked for details. What can we do about this?”

    Karl's concern was of prime importance right now, and Lily was fairly certain she could do something to make things a little bit better. “That's unfortunately what I was afraid of. But we can use this to our advantage.”

    She couldn't blame him for sounding skeptical. “How can we do that, if I might ask?”

    “First thing, after we're done talking I'm going to call Kaecilius and tell him if he goes near Stephen again I'm going to sue him for sexual assault. I think that should be enough to keep him away for the time being. I'll also let him know that we aren't going to be calling Stephen as any kind of witness during the hearing. I wasn't planning on doing that in the first place, because I know that he wouldn't do well against any manner of cross-examination. I just have to hope he doesn't end up calling my bluff on suing him. But knowing how image-conscious Kaecilius is I bet he'll back off for now.”

    He still didn't seem to like that answer. “But why wouldn't you be able to sue him?”

    “There are a few reasons why even if we did file a lawsuit it wouldn't get very far. First of all, I believe that with Stephen's mental health being what it is the worst place in the world for him would be a courtroom. His lawyers would challenge everything he said and I don't know if Stephen would stick to his statements on how he was hurt. Second of all, there's the issue of credibility. Who do you think is going to seem more believable to a jury? And finally, we don't have any physical evidence of a crime being committed. In the end all that would happen would be more stress for Stephen, and nobody wants that.”

    “Kaecilius sent us some pictures he took of Stephen in various compromising positions. Wouldn't those be something? Or could there be any video from what happened yesterday?”

    “Photos aren't the best evidence, because they only show one moment in time. Kaecilius could very easily say that while he did take those pictures they were one hundred percent consensual. Does he even show up in them?”

    “Not in the ones I saw.”

    “That makes using them even harder. And as for video, there's a chance that Kaecilius may not have CCTV in his offices. Not likely, but there's a chance. And unless we catch him doing something in plain sight on one of the recordings then it won't matter much. He said-he said cases aren't as likely to lead to a verdict in the victim's favor as are cases with actual physical evidence of criminal activity.”

    The tone that was now in Karl's voice made Lily want to be in his presence – just so she could feel like she was helping out. “All right. May I ask how you are planning on keeping Stephen from having to testify?”

    “The plan right now is to get a report from Dr. Drumm on his overall mental status and how he would be affected by being in court. It should be enough to look at the problems that might come up if he's asked about his work.”

    “Are you sure that we'll be able to do that?”

    “Not entirely. But as I've said before, a great deal of this case is about how you have cared for Astrid in the past. And I doubt any of the people who will be testifying on your mother's behalf are going to say that Stephen's a danger to children. If that were the case then we'd have no choice but to put him on the stand. When I speak with Kaecilius I'll be certain to tell him that if he tries to force Stephen to attend the case that we are going to let everyone know about what he's been up to. Some of his biggest supporters don't look very highly upon sex work, so knowing that he was seeing a prostitute on a regular basis won't go over well.”

    Karl had another area of thought that he needed to have addressed. “I remember you said earlier that you didn't want to meet Astrid until the hearing was coming up. I'm thinking you're going to want to do that soon. Is there a good time for you to come over?”

    Lily had to take a while to think about what she was going to say. She wanted to get the first meeting with Astrid over sooner rather than later. With everything she had known going into this, it would have served everyone better if she'd just gone and met the child right off the bat. By now it was really too late to make the kind of connection with Astrid that she had in other cases. And while it might not make much of a difference in the overall case, it personally hurt Lily to realize that she had let such matters slip away. “By the end of the week. I'll also want to speak with her as soon as we know who's hearing the case.”

    “Do you have any idea of who may be doing so?”

    “I wish I did. The best-case scenario is getting someone who's open-minded about both same-sex couples and sex work. But I'm more hoping for someone who's known for listening to everything that's presented to them, and not making a decision based on initial feelings or what the public outcry might be. Both of those things are the kind of elements Kaecilius uses to win so often, and they won't serve us well.”

    There was a hesitant tone in Karl's voice as he spoke again. “Lily? Is it alright if I ask you a question?”

    “That depends on the question.”

    “You said once you'd gone up against Kaecilius. Can you tell me about what happened?”

    It wasn't what she'd expected to hear. She hadn't thought Karl would even remember that. “It was one of the first cases I ever worked on. I hadn't even gotten my own place in the firm then, so I was mostly helping out with some of the other lawyers and their cases. It was Robert I was working with then – we were representing a man who was divorcing his wife in large part because she had some serious substance abuse problems. She wasn't directly hurting their children, but he was worried about how they would be affected by her problems. So he was asking us to file a motion for primary custody unless his ex could show she was making a real effort to get treatment for her problems. And for a while it looked like that was how things were going to work out, until the attorney she had had to step down due to health problems. And then Kaecilius entered the picture.”

    “What happened after that?”

    “Kaecilius looked at the fact that our client was an executive with his company and jumped on the opportunity to portray his client as being a poor wronged woman who was being tortured by her ex-husband just because she wanted to keep her children with her. Never mind that she was a scientist who'd only left the project she was on because the other researchers were tired of covering for her coming in under the influence, or that there were times when our client was the main caregiver because of her work. He'd found a story, and was going to run with it. Kaecilius went to the media, talking about the horrid injustice this woman was facing. He got away with so many different lies – like saying that our client had kept his wife from working for nearly three years because of not wanting to be around his children. Anyone who looked at the records would have seen that it was our client who'd taken nearly a year off of work after the birth of his last child, while there were no such gaps in her employment. But the story of a poor woman who was cruelly cast aside by her rich husband struck a chord in a lot of people. Before too long there were letters being sent to both us and the judge, saying we should be understanding of her. There were letters to the editor at various papers, articles written on the case – it was awful.”

    “So what ended up happening?”

    “The worst case scenario for all concerned. Kaecilius won full custody and a very generous alimony settlement. But it only lasted a few months. The woman ended up getting into a crash on the highway with her children in the car. Rammed into the back of another car while under the influence. She was killed, and so was a passenger in the other car. The kids were all hurt, but lived. And I know that the whole thing could have been avoided if it hadn't become what it did. Worst part was Kaecilius never once said he might have been wrong. Even at her funeral he said that it was stress from the legal proceedings that led her to start using. The same proceedings he'd dragged out into the public eye! Before that case I thought he might have been well-meaning in his pursuit of victory, but after that I knew better. All that really matters is looking like he's some savior of the downtrodden, regardless of who he's really working for. You know who never got a single word dedicated to them during the case, either in the courtroom or the media? The three children who had to be there when their mother died, all because no one ended up caring about what mattered most to them.”

    Karl then ended up sharing something himself. “I remember that one of the biggest disagreements I had with him involved the problems children face in the world today. Kaecilius always said that it wasn't necessary to specifically target the issues children had – what would be better was to work on ending what led to the problems they had. Children's issues in and of themselves were a symptom of larger problems that needed to be corrected rather than matters to be dealt with. I fought him on this quite a bit. Children have no ability to stand up for their own needs, so how could anyone think their problems are secondary concerns? At the time I thought it was just a disagreement on how to address issues, but now I wonder if there was something else going on there.”

    “Who really knows? All I know is that any kind of concern that man has for justice is a sham. But he knows how to play a story line, and how to work the media. Those are things that lead to success in the courtroom in spite of all safeguards.”

    “He won't be able to use the media this time around. I told my grandfather yesterday that if anything about this case hits the news, then I will go and tell everyone I can the truth about what happened to my father.”

    Lily had been under the impression that the previous Baron Mordo had died in an accident. “What are you talking about?”

    “My mother murdered my father partially on my grandfather's command. I found out shortly before I went to study in New York. That was what led me to cut all ties with them.” He sounded like speaking the truth was still a painful task. Lily understood how that was, given that painful truths had played a role in making her family what they were today.

    “I can see why that might make them step back. But we can't have that information come out in court. I have no doubt that it's the truth, but I can also guess that you have no proof of any wrongdoing. You aren't going to come off very well if you bring up a potential murder. It might even make Kaecilius start questioning your own mental health. I can trust you won't say anything here.”

    “I have no plans of doing so unless they go and start telling the media about Stephen. In that case I won't give a damn how it looks. I just know what having this come out will do to hurt him, and then...” He said nothing more, but there was little doubt about what he thought.

    “We can take it one day at a time. Is there anything else you think we need to discuss now?” Stirring things back to the case itself was good in helping her keep her focus. Lily knew she needed to be on her toes for when she spoke to Kaecilius.

    “Not that I can think of. Thank you very much, Lily, you've been a great help. I'll tell Astrid to expect your visit soon.”

    The call was ended, and Lily for a moment wanted to speak with her mother and father before calling Kaecilius. The love her parents had given her and her brother throughout their lives was the greatest gift she had ever received, and it carried her through the stressful world of law. She opted not to do so, and just decided to get it over with.

    She barely let him get a word in before charging forward. “Mr. Sorenson. I believe that we have issues to discuss concerning your conduct towards one of my clients yesterday.”

    The amused tone in his voice told her that this wasn't unexpected. “So it – he told you I said something to him, did he? How do you know Strange's not lying?”

    “Because I didn't hear it from him, I heard it from Karl Mordo. And how did you know that I was talking about Stephen? I just said it was my client.” Silence. Lily knew she'd won something. “I'm here to warn you, if you go anywhere near Stephen Strange from this day onward, I will be filing a lawsuit against you for sexual assault. How would that look to your supporters?”

    The response was quick. “You would lose.”

    “Try me. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve here. Don't play games with me, Kaecilius, or you will regret it.” It was the first time she had called him by his first name when they spoke.

    “Then tell the whore I'm taking back my offer. Let it know it's going to be the reason you lose.” He hung up almost as soon as the last word came out of his mouth.

    That had been easier than she thought it might be. Now it was time to start looking over her list of potential witnesses, and to see how best to put them in order.

    Feeling like she was able to accomplish something for the case, Lily went to work.

 

* * *

 

    Jericho did not, as a rule, pay visits to the homes of his patients unless there was some kind of pressing need. He currently saw a very good reason to be at Stephen's home: so that he could speak to his son.

    Working with children wasn't something he did very often, if at all. Normally when he did any manner of work with a child it was because either one of their parents or the whole family was involved in therapy. Working with a parent at times meant you needed to talk to their children about why Mom or Dad was having problems and what that meant for them. And by this point Donny needed to learn something about why his father was having the problems he was. Even though he'd only just turned seven, it still was pretty likely that he'd seen signs of Stephen's PTSD (the depression was far easier to notice, and was in some ways easier to understand).

    Donny was sitting on the couch when Jericho got in. Karl had been the one to let him in the door, and Stephen was nowhere to be seen. He most likely was trying to stay away from the whole thing. “Hello, Donny.”

    “Hi.” Donny seemed to not know what to make of the new arrival.

    “I'm glad to meet you. Your daddy's talked about you a lot. My name's Dr. Drumm.”

    Donny nodded. He appeared to be a bit nervous. Jericho couldn't really blame him for being worried. For all he knew he was going to hear that his daddy was just going to get sicker, and no one wanted to hear that.

    “Do you know why I've come to see you?” Karl by this point had left the living room, giving them the privacy they needed to have this talk.

    “Yeah. Daddy said you wanted to talk to me about why he's seeing you. I wish he would tell me, but it makes him sad if I ask.” Jericho could see the sadness that was written on Donny's face, and the confusion as to why his father couldn't tell him what he needed to know.

    “I think that it's hard for him to tell you some of the things I need to say. First let me ask you another question: do you know why I see your daddy?”

    “Yeah. Daddy says he's sick. That's why he needs to see a doctor and he takes his medicine. But I don't know what's wrong with him. He got all scary when Astrid tagged him and he's had bad dreams a lot. That's not really being sick, right?” It was probably the first time he'd gotten to say anything about what was going on.

    “Well, let me start off by telling you that your daddy has two different kinds of sickness right now. They're both different, and there's different things you do to help with them. Do you know the word depression?” Just saying that Stephen was depressed wouldn't mean a thing if Donny didn't understand what that was.

    “No. It sounds bad, though.”

    “It's not very good, but it's not as bad as you might be afraid of. Depression is a kind of sickness that makes you feel really sad all the time. If you have it, you don't get happy with the things that normally make you happy. Sometimes you can't eat very much, you have problems sleeping – it makes everything you do a lot harder. When somebody has depression, a lot of times they need to take some medicine to help them feel better. Some people only need to take it for a little while, but you might have to take it for a long time in some cases.”

    Donny looked to be thinking over what Jericho had said. “Daddy said he has to take his medicine because he feels sad. I hope he doesn't cry at night anymore. I used to hear him do that, and it made me sad too.”

    “I can understand that. It's hard when people we love aren't feeling very good. Your daddy is feeling a little bit better now. Maybe you noticed he wasn't eating very much before, because his depression made it hard for him to eat much, and I know that before it was hard for him to get enough for both of you to eat.” Now it was time to talk about the harder part. “And that takes me to the other problem your daddy's having. It's got a really long name, and it's a little harder to understand than depression is.”

    Donny was curious. “What's it called?”

    “Your daddy has a sickness called Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. That's a bit of a mouthful, isn't it? Most of the time people just call it PTSD so they don't have to say the whole thing all the time.”

    “But what _is_ it?”

    Jericho had dealt with similar questions from children in the past. Describing the condition wasn't really a big deal – the real problem was explaining how Stephen had gotten it. He'd been given permission to tell Donny as much as he could, but it still hurt him to have to speak of such pain to a child. “Well, let me tell you what it is. The first part – the post-traumatic part – means that it happens after something bad happens to you, like if you got bitten by a dog or something. The stress part is about how you feel afterwards, and the disorder is because it's causing you problems in your life. So PTSD is when you start feeling bad because something bad happened to you and it makes things hard for you.”

    He seemed to understand this somewhat, but there were still some questions. “How come you feel bad because something bad happened?”

    Jericho opted to keep using the example he'd given of being bitten by a dog. “Well, if you got bitten by a dog you might get hurt a bit, but that's not the only thing that might happen. You might stay away from other dogs because you're afraid one will bite you now, or you get scared if you hear a dog bark. And if things are really bad, then you might get scared if something reminds you of when you got bitten, even if you never see or hear a dog. Then you might not go places where you could get memories of what happened, or where you might see another dog. That's kind of how PTSD makes things so hard for people.”

    “I don't think Daddy's been bitten by a dog before. He doesn't like dogs, though. He won't let Princeton say hi to him. That's my friend Diego's dog. I bet he'd like him if he just got to know him.” Whether Donny had not fully understood what was said or was just making a remark wasn't clear. His next sentence clarified the matter. “So what was the bad thing that happened to Daddy?”

    “Unfortunately it's not just one bad thing that happened to him. There were a lot of things that happened to him, and all of them ended up hurting him.” The next part wasn't going to be easy to talk about, but Stephen had given him a pretty good idea of what Donny knew about sex and how best to explain matters to him. “Donny, your daddy's talked to you about sex, am I right?”

    Donny didn't look like he wanted to talk about that. “I know about how you get babies. And Daddy told me that if any grown-up wants to touch you in your private places they're wrong and you should tell someone. I don't know why grown-ups want to do that stuff. It's gross.” He made a face.

    Jericho nodded. “People sometimes end up giving somebody else money to do those things with them. Sometimes they end up doing things that hurt the person they gave the money to.”

    Understanding came over his face. “Is it like work?”

    “For some people, that's the work they do.”

    “Like my Daddy.” Donny had sadness written all over his face now. “Were his friends people like that, the kind that hurt people?”

    “Yes, they were. They did a lot of things to hurt him. They told him that it was his fault he got hurt. And he believed them. He felt ashamed he had to do things like that so he could take care of you.” He paused to let everything sink in. “Your daddy tried to make sure you didn't know anything because he thought you wouldn't like him after you found out. So for a real long time he had to keep everything inside him, and that hurt him too. Your Uncle Wong knew about his work, but he didn't know all the bad things that happened. Karl knows some things, and your daddy tells me what he can. Talking about the bad things is important to helping people feel better. But there are so many things that can remind him of when he was hurt, so even he might not know what's going to do it. That's what happened when Astrid tagged him.”

    “That was real scary. Daddy didn't say anything or know we were there. Do things like that happen to everybody who's got PSD?”

    “PTSD, and not everybody has the same things happen to them with it. The worst thing is when you have what's called a flashback, and its just like you're back when whatever hurt you happened. That was why he couldn't answer you – he thought he was someplace else.”

    Donny added “I knew that his friends hurt him, 'cause I saw when he got back from working sometimes and he had bruises and stuff. I didn't know they were doing those other things too. Why did Daddy think I'd not like him if I knew that? It just makes me sad.”

    Jericho understood both why Donny couldn't see his father's fear and why Stephen kept that secret from him at all costs. “Because when he was working like that, he felt like doing it was a bad thing. The people who had him work for them told him sometimes that he was bad as well because of the kind of work he did. That made him feel even worse, and it made his depression worse too. And with all that he thought everybody would feel the same way as he did. Also, he thought you were too little to know about those kind of things.”

    “But I still love Daddy. It's not his fault people hurt him.”

    “Sometimes our feelings don't really go the way they should. If you feel really bad about yourself, then you're more likely to think that other people feel the same way.” As always, the explanation was tailored to what a seven year old might be able to understand. Jericho could have gone on for some time on how Stephen's traumatic experiences had influenced his negative self-image, but that could be saved for Karl if he chose to ask.

    Donny now had a different question. “Is the stuff about Daddy working why Astrid's grandmother wants her to come live with her? Daddy gets upset about it and says it's his fault.”

    He then said “That's part of the reason. But I think that Astrid's grandmother might have just done something different if she didn't have what your daddy did as a reason. From what I know about her, she doesn't think very much about what might be good for other people.” When he was testifying in court these kind of judgements about Sara Krowler would be verboten, as he'd never evaluated her or met her in any way. Giving his opinion to Donny was another story entirely.

    “Why's she doing that? Doesn't she know Astrid's happy here?”

    “Because Astrid being happy doesn't really matter to her. What her grandmother wants is what will make _her_ happy, even if it hurts Astrid or Karl.”

    Donny scowled. “She doesn't sound like a nice person. Astrid met her, but didn't like her much. She said mean things about Daddy. Do you think she talked about his work?”

    “I'm willing to bet she did. I do know that Astrid's been told something about that by Karl, but she wasn't supposed to talk about it with you until both him and your father decided you needed to know.”

    “But why couldn't Daddy tell me? Why'd he have to have you do it?”

    “Remember how I told you that your daddy feels bad about the things that happened to him? Because he feels so bad, it's hard for him to talk about those things. He doesn't always feel that it's okay to talk about them with me, and he's told me a lot more than he's told other people. Since he knew it would be too hard to do it himself, he asked me if I could talk to you instead.”

    Donny now asked “Can I talk to him now?”

    Jericho had to think about it for a moment. He thought it was a good idea for Donny to speak with Stephen following all the revelations, but Stephen might not feel up to talking about it so soon. “Let me go and talk with him first, okay? Then I'll tell you if he feels like talking right now.”

    He walked down and knocked on the door to Karl and Stephen's room. “Stephen? Are you here?”

    His voice was fairly quiet, but his “Yes, I am,” was clear to hear.

    “Donny wants to talk to you.”

    Stephen opened the door and walked out. He looked as if he was expecting the worst.

    Donny barely waited a minute before running over to his father. “Daddy, I'm sorry.”

    Stephen seemed to not know what to do as Donny wrapped his arms around him. “What are you sorry about, Don?”

    “That people hurt you and did stuff to you. I wish nobody'd ever done that so you don't have the PSD thing.” Donny was now beginning to cry a little bit.

    Stephen blinked back a few tears himself. “It wasn't your fault, Don. I had to get us money somehow. Sometimes people do bad things, and then bad things happen to them later on. It's not as bad as it seems.”

    Jericho stepped in by saying “It seemed bad enough to Donny, hearing people hurt you. Wasn't it?” Donny nodded while keeping his face in Stephen's chest.

    He said nothing for some time, just lingering with his son in his arms. “I wish things could be better. I wish I was a better daddy to you.”

    “You're the best Daddy in the whole world. I know it.”

    The praise was too much. Stephen trembled and only could say “Karl gets you more stuff, and he's given you a real home. I couldn't do that, ever.”

   “He's not you.” The simple words spoke volumes about his feelings.

    Jericho for his part stood aside and waited for some signal to dictate his next set of actions. Stephen at last looked at him as he released Donny, and said “I'm glad you talked to him. I never wanted him to know, but I guess he had to find out sooner or later.”

    “Truth usually comes to light. You made the right choice keeping him safe before, and now letting him know what he can.”

    Donny asked “Daddy, are you going to go to court like Karl is?”

    “No. Dr. Drumm is going to tell them that it'll be too hard for me to be there. I don't think I could talk about everything like that to somebody I don't know.”

 _Or somebody you know all too well,_ Jericho thought. Stephen needed to stay away from the courtroom for his own mental health, but what if his testimony was needed?

    Then Karl would be faced with an impossible choice: either he sacrifice his partner's health for the chance of losing his child, or risk losing his child to keep the man he loved from a mental tailspin.

 

 

 


	29. A Trialling Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hearing finally begins.

    The day that everyone had been dreading was finally here. It was the first day of the hearing over Astrid's custody. Karl had been briefed by Lily on what to expect during the hearing. “We've been assigned Judge Parker, which wouldn't have been my first choice. He's known for wanting to keep families together almost always, but he's also a bit traditional in his ways. He might look poorly on Stephen's work, although I don't think he's shown too much of an opinion on same-sex relationships. So I'm on the fence of whether or not he'll be good for our case. He has made a few rulings against Kaecilius, though. The last time he ended up writing an opinion that was very scathing in regards to his conduct both in and out of court. So we have that going for us.”

    He had arrived alone. There was almost complete agreement on Stephen not being present for the initial hearing, and hopefully none of the other times as well. Surprisingly, the voice of dissent had been Stephen himself. “I should be there for Karl. I need to support him.” Both Dr. Drumm and Lily had spoken with him, saying that him having a complete mental breakdown as a result of trying to support Karl wasn't an outcome anyone should want. Stephen had given in, but Karl suspected he felt guilty about not being there. He'd tried to tell him that he was being as supportive as possible, but like with so many other issues it didn't get fully accepted as being true.

    “Karl. Good to see you.” Lily looked different to him. It had nothing to do with the way she was dressed or her physical appearance – what differed was the manner in which she carried herself. He could make a reasonable guess that this was her courtroom persona, one that he had yet to see until now. It now seemed clear why Jen had recommended her in spite of her young age and comparative lack of experience. Lily had an unmistakable aura of authority around her, and Karl felt more confident going into the courtroom than he had earlier on.

    “I'm glad to see you too. Have my mother and Kaecilius arrived yet?”

    “I haven't seen them. Right now we're just waiting for Judge Parker to arrive, and then we can make our opening arguments. Kaecilius already has his first witness lined up.”

    “Who is it?”

    “A psychiatrist by the name of Dr. Sofen. She's written a lot about sociopathy and it's unknown prevalence in society. My guess is she's going to be saying Stephen's likely a sociopath and therefore a danger to be around any child.”

    Karl didn't think that could be done. “How can she say that? She's never spoken with Stephen or tested him in any way. I thought that you weren't supposed to diagnose people you've never met before.”

    “You're right – you can't do that. But it's going to be a bit more grey if she just alludes to the traits he has that point in that direction. I think that as long as she says that she feels these markers are there the testimony is much more likely to be upheld. And of course, your mother is going to lack all of the features that Stephen possesses that will cause harm to a child. Lots of allusions can work much better than people think in court.”

    “Should we talk about this with Dr. Drumm or Dr. Lewis? Both of them are going to be talking about Stephen's mental health issues and how they can affect Astrid. And what kinds of markers is this Dr. Soften going to say Stephen has?” He doubted that it would be a good idea to try and get a professional to say something they already hadn't planned on saying, but the news of what might be said about Stephen caused him in part to lose his reason.

    “I think you know we can't do that. And as for the other matter, I'm guessing that a big issue is going to be his work history. I wouldn't be surprised if Stephen not seeking out help for himself would also be seen as being significant. But I can't go and say exactly what is going to come out here.”

    Someone opened the door to the courtroom. “Are you here for Krowler vs. Mordo?”

    “That would be us, yes. Let's go, Karl.” And they stepped forward towards a reckoning.

* * *

 

    For the first hour or so, Karl almost wondered whether or not something important was going to happen here. Neither Lily nor Kaecilius said anything that was unexpected in their opening statements. Kaecilius spoke about how the changes that had happened over the last few months were enough to create a potentially harmful situation for Astrid and that her grandmother would be able to provide her with an environment that lacked said harm. In turn, Lily talked about how there was no evidence of Karl being anything other than a loving parent, and that while there were changes going on none of these changes were harmful to Astrid.

    Finally, the statements were done. The judge looked over at Kaecilius and said “You may call the first witness.” The tone of Judge Parker's voice indicated he would stand for no nonsense in his courtroom. Karl could tell the two men had a history of some kind, and that Kaecilius had not managed to endure himself to the other.

    “Your honor, I would like to call Dr. Karla Sofen to the stand.”

    Dr. Sofen looked like she was not used to testifying in court. Even with the slight case of nerves she seemed to have, she came over with a large stack of papers that must have had relevance to her planned testimony.

    Kaecilius waited for her to be sworn in before he began. “Dr. Soften, can you tell me how you became involved in this case?”

    “I was approached by Ms. Krowler about her seeking to attain custody of her grandchild. She explained that while her son had done a reasonably good job caring for her up until recently, he was now living with a man that she felt was a bad influence on her. When I learned more details, I started to share her concerns.” 

    “What were the primary areas of concern for you?”

    “To start off, alarms went off in my head when I heard that this Stephen Strange had been making a living via sex work. I am aware that he was no longer able to act in his former capacity as a surgeon due to suffering an injury, but I question why he did not go and find more legitimate work at some point. I also learned he did not try and find work after his accident, instead trying all sorts of treatments to get his hands to function properly again. This indicates a serious level of irresponsibility.”

    Kaecilius nodded. “What would you say that tells you about Strange?”

    Lily interrupted. “Objection, asking for a personal opinion.”

    “My witness is known for her expertise in various aspects of human behavior. Wouldn't that make her opinions have more legitimacy than an ordinary witness?”

    Judge Parker pondered the issue for a moment. “Sustained.”

    Kaecilius had to change his line of questioning. “Dr. Sofen, how would you expect a healthy person to handle an accident that makes them unable to work as they did before?”

    “There would be a bit of a range of behavior. Some might try and see if they could adapt in the workplace to their new level of functioning, while others might see if their skills could carry over into a different realm. You might also see some level of depression, which may lead to the individual in question not working for some time. But if there's a gap in employment that extends for too long, one can reasonably wonder about the motivation of the person who's not working.”

    “What kinds of issues might lead to a gap in employment?”

    “First of all, if whatever injury the person suffered in the accident was one that left them incapable of even most basic tasks – such as being completely paralyzed – then an inability to work would be expected. If that wasn't the case, I might start thinking of severe depression over how one's life has changed. If that were the case, you would also see an overall lack of motivation in other areas of life. They wouldn't go to doctor's appointments, might skip treatments, or would just have a resigned attitude towards how things were.” 

    “So at some point whoever was injured would go back to making a living. What would it mean if they did not do so?”

    “As I said earlier, I would first look to see if there were signs of depression.” Karl had to wonder why she was mentioning that. Perhaps she didn't know that Stephen was depressed, but he could reasonably guess Kaecilius knew that. Wouldn't mentioning it hurt their case? “If I couldn't see any of the signs I spoke of then I might look to see if they were wealthy enough to not have to work following a serious accident.”

    “And if they were not?”

    “Then we are starting to look at reasons to be concerned. If someone loses a job and then shows no signs of trying to get another one, then you need to look at their motivation. This raises red flags about the presence of certain personality traits that are highly dangerous. The biggest flag of all would be if said person not only makes no effort to get another job, but ends up finding work in an illicit field of employment.”

    So far things hadn't been quite as bad as Karl had feared they would be. Dr. Sofen had spoken of several things that might have been more alarming if he didn't already have an idea of how Lily might rebut the statements. Of course Stephen hadn't worked for a period of time following his accident – he was trying to get his hands working to a level where he could resume his previous job. One could say that when he realized that his financial situation was becoming dire he should have looked into finding other work rather than redoubling his efforts into looking for a cure, but how many people might have also chased after whatever hope they could find? But the next parts of the witness's testimony were far more ominous than anything that came before had been.

    “One also has to look at the type of illicit employment one engages in. Someone who's selling drugs is very likely to be using them as well, and that reflects issues with impulse control. Resorting to theft shows an immediate desire for ego gratification, as well as a disregard for the well-being of others. And getting involved in the sex trade shows a certain level of hedonism as well as a thrill-seeking personality.”

    “Would you say that this profile has held true for most of the sex workers you have evaluated during your career?”

    She shook her head. “You need to understand, there are sex workers and there are sex workers. The type of person we tend to think of as getting involved with the sex trade – young woman being drawn in by a boyfriend or otherwise trusted individual, someone who is forced into the business against their will – these people are not going to show a profile any worse than the average person would. But if I was looking at an adult who was not brought in by anyone else, who has shown they can work in a more respectable capacity, then I would start looking for other signs indicating a potentially sociopathic personality.”

    “What signs would be of most concern?”

    “A certain sense of superiority in their behavior would be one of the easiest to spot. Having used others to obtain what they wanted in the past. Lack of concern for the rights of other people. Extreme arrogance. Past history of criminal behavior would be a sure sign. There might also be a history of substance abuse, although that's not present in a good percentage of the cases.”

    “What would be the most important traits you could infer about one's personality if they had these signs?”

    “It's likely they would be thrill-seeking, not focused on creating a stable environment. There may be a pervasive disregard for the rights of others. They would tend to see others as simply being there to help them get what they want, not as people with ideas and thoughts of their own. If they were to have a family, then they might leave them if they felt they were too much of a hassle.”

    Kaecilius continued. “How have you come to these conclusions?”

    “Via much of the research I've done into individuals with sociopathic personalities. After some time finding these individuals and conducting a variety of tests I have been able to look for markers that tell a certain story. In this case, I can see the signs of an uncaring personality and the seeking out of work that would both be easier than working in a more menial position that would not bring the same sort of pleasure one might find in sex work. Those factors would be enough for me to say that I have concerns over Stephen Strange being trusted to care for Astrid Mordo.”

    “Prior to the change of employment, would you note anything else that would alarm you?”

    “His previous career. I have with me studies that show a far higher rate of sociopathy in surgeons than in the general population. I also did a survey of what I could tell from his public behavior, and the overall picture I got was of someone who was extremely arrogant, unlikely to accept any flaws or limitations, and to not be the sort of person you would want to raise a child. Unfortunately I was not able to test Dr. Strange, so I can't make any clear-cut diagnosis. But I have seen the same type of person in my work again and again, and I can say that I know when I see a particular pattern of behavior what that might mean clinically.”

    “You have had a chance to sit down and assess Ms. Krowler. What can you tell me about the results of your evaluation?”

    “I spoke with Ms, Krowler over several sessions, as well as giving her MPPI. The overall picture I obtained was of a woman who is appropriately concerned for the welfare of her granddaughter. None of the negative markers I've mentioned in the past were present in her assessment or presentation. She told me that she would never have gone to the extent of seeking full custody if she had not learned about what Dr. Strange was doing to make a living before moving in with her son.”

    He wondered if his mother had been able to deceive this Dr. Sofen enough to make her think that she was a good parent, or if her opinion was just based on who had hired her. It didn't surprise him that she'd been able to get good results from the tests given – Sara had always had an excellent understanding of what you needed to say and do to get what you wanted in life. As far as he could tell, the witness right now appeared to be an intelligent woman. Did she realize she was being played?

    “Could you tell me a bit about how you think Ms. Krowler would do as a parental figure?”

    “I believe she would be able to set appropriate limits for her granddaughter. She spoke of the only time they were able to meet with a great deal of fondness, and wishes her son would have allowed them to see each other sooner.” Karl hoped Lily would jump on the fact that the reason why he did not allow Astrid to see her grandmother wasn't given. “She is hopeful that she will be able to care for her before she suffers any kind of harm from the man in her father's life. I got the overwhelming impression that Ms. Krowler possesses a great deal of love for her grandchild, and I believe it would be in both their best interests to begin living together as soon as possible.”

    Kaecilius listened to her speak with an intent look on his face. It came as a bit of a shock when all he said next was “No further questions.” A brief recess was then taken, to give Lily time to prepare for cross-examination.

    Karl looked over at Lily, who had been jotting down notes throughout the testimony. “I would have thought he'd have tried to get more out of her. Why do you think he stopped?”

    “Because she's most likely not going to be an important witness, at least not in her assessments. The biggest problem with what she said was not having met Stephen, so her judgements on his personality won't mean as much as they might otherwise. I'm betting that the overall testimony was only here for two reasons: one, so he could have a glowing report on his client's ability to parent; and two, so he could start planting a seed of doubt in the judge's mind. By bringing up the idea that Stephen might have a sociopathic personality, then it makes taking Astrid away seem like a better option. I don't know if Kaecilius has found anyone who knew Stephen well before his accident, but if he really was the way he's described himself then they are going to be in full accord with Dr. Sofen's assessment. Our witnesses should help us to rebut that, but I'm going to tread carefully here.”

    Karl still found it hard to believe that people would think something like that of Stephen. While he had definitely seemed to be arrogant in all the past things Karl had seen of him, he was never completely callous. He knew that keeping him out of the courtroom was the best thing to do, but wanted Judge Parker to see what kind of man he was firsthand. 

    Before he could reach any conclusion, the court resumed session and the case moved forward.

* * *

 

    The best part about cross-examination was that you could find issues to work with you might not have seen earlier.

    Lily had read Dr. Sofen's report on Sara Krowler, as well as her statements on why Stephen Strange posed a danger to the welfare of Astrid Mordo. She had a couple of areas to work with, but made the decision to start with what hadn't been said: what kind of parent Karl Mordo was. 

    She started carefully. “Dr. Sofen, can you tell me if you were able to come to any kind of conclusions about Karl Mordo's parenting abilities?”

    She paused, thinking about her answer. “My primary area of concern was in regards to Dr. Strange, not Mr. Mordo. I was not aware of any issues being brought up on his behalf, so I opted not to devote as much time as I could have towards him.”

    “But you must have come to some conclusions. Can you tell us what those might be?”

    “I looked over various reports that were given to me involving Astrid Mordo's education over the years. What I saw showed me that she has been very well-educated over the years. The preschool and kindergarten she attended are both known for being two of the best schools in the region. The reports on her father indicated he was actively involved in her education and was well thought of by school personnel.”

    “Would that not tell you if my client was performing in his expected capacity as a father?”

    “It would be part of the assessment, yes.”

    “Could you then say if you would trust him to care for his daughter as he should?”

    “It would only be a part of what I would look for. I cannot make too many conclusions about Mr. Mordo because I was not able to meet with him during my assessment of Ms. Krowler.”

    Of course, there had never been any effort by her to meet with Karl or Stephen. Lily couldn't go out and say that, largely because none of her witnesses had met with Sara either. She did think that it helped her a bit more here, because none of the planned witnesses were going to talk about Sara Krowler. “Did at any point Ms. Krowler speak with you about her son's ability to parent his daughter?”

    Dr. Sofen looked a bit uncomfortable at that. It wasn't too hard to guess that she'd heard something, and that something was likely good news for them. “She mentioned something on occasion.”

    “Can you tell me the gist of what was said?”

    “She was not happy that her son had not allowed her to see her granddaughter up until recently. She did tell me that as far as she could tell Astrid looked to have been raised mostly well, although not in a manner befitting her heritage.”

    Lily noted that, and promised to go back to it as soon as she finished this line of questioning. “So she has no problems with her son's ability to be a father, as far as you know.”

    “I can't say that. She was worried about the type of person her son was wanting to spend time with, and had living with him now. So there were potential problems being seen.”

    “I'm not asking about future issues. What I would like to know is if you saw any signs of problems prior to the arrival of Dr. Strange in Mr. Mordo's life.”

    A long pause. “As far as I know, there were none of note.”

    Just what she wanted to hear. Switching gears, she then moved to an earlier topic. “You talked earlier about Dr. Strange's history with sex work. May I ask if you are aware of what may have motivated him to begin to engage in such work?”

    She shot Lily a stern look. “I was not able to get a complete history, but I can say that it was likely done out of lack of ability to find work he felt suited him. With surgery no longer being something he could do, he may have gone and sought something else he found to be pleasurable.”

    “Are you aware that Dr. Strange had been homeless for over a year before he became involved in such work?”

    “Even if he was, he still has a medical degree. I can see no reason to go into a field such as sex work unless one is forced into it via another.”

    “How would you define being forced?”

    “The best example of this I can think of is a vulnerable person who is paid a great deal of attention by someone who over time gains their trust, and eventually pressures or even physically forces them into sex work. There would be threats made in order to keep them in line, and they would be most likely kept in isolation so escape would not be an option.”

    “Is it possible for a person to resort to sex work under desperation?”

    “It may be possible. But in those circumstances the most likely scenario would involve someone with no real skill-set that can be carried over to the workplace. A single mother who has been supported by family but now can no longer count on that support. Even then, I would expect the first option would be something that operates under a more legal area, not outright prostitution.”

    “Do you feel that someone who is homeless may have fewer options than others might have for employment?”

    “Yes, they would. But I can also say there should be no reason for someone like Dr. Strange to become homeless in the first place.”

    Lily didn't know if her statements came from willful ignorance or if she just was saying that because her employer wished for her to say such. It struck her as being absurd in the extreme to assert that there was no way someone to become homeless because they once had a good job. “Do you have any idea of how high medical expenses may run after an accident like Dr. Strange has? The cost of a major surgery and the ensuing treatment could run into the millions.”

    “Yes, I am aware of the expenses one can face when they are seriously injured. But Stephen Strange was one of the top players in his field prior to the injury. He would have been able to pay a great deal more than the average person would have. The hospitalization would not have posed as big an obstacle as it might have to someone who had far less. And afterwards, he still had chances to become involved in areas of medicine that did not require use of the hands. So I think that the idea that finances played a role in his decision-making is wrong.”

    “But if you were kept from doing what you had done for many years, then wouldn't you try and see if there was a way to go back to it? Could you see trying treatments that might get you to where you were before? I know for a fact that Dr. Strange tried a great deal of therapies in order to regain his previous level of functioning, and those served to drain far more money than even the initial treatments did. What would you say about that manner of dedication?”

    “I would doubt that it was dedication. More like denial. A reasonable person would have called it quits before reaching that point. Trying to get more treatment once it became clear that there was an issue with money shows to me a personality that is seriously disordered. That is not the type of person you would like to see around a growing child.”

    Lily had one more thing to say. “But can you definitely make that presumption without having ever met the person you are proclaiming these things about?”

    She didn't meet Lily's eyes as she said “No, not to a degree of certainty.”

    Lily turned to the judge. “No further questions, your Honor.”

    She half expected Kaecilius to try for redirect after she was done, but he instead stated “My other planned witness for today is unable to make it into court right now. I move we adjourn for the day.”

    She concurred, with no reason to disagree. If the witness was delayed more than once, she might be inclined to think the delay was strategic in some way, but things happened and Lily wasn't going to hold that against Kaecilius. It was one of the few mercies she could give.

    As she was getting ready to leave for the day, Karl asked her “How do you think we did today?”

    “It's hard to say. I still tend to think the only reason Kaecilius brought Dr. Sofen in here was to get the idea implanted in Judge Parker's head that Stephen may be a sociopath. I wish I'd known something about that study she brought up relating to surgeons. Then I could have picked it apart. But I wasn't going to go into it cold. The biggest weakness was in her saying that she'd never met Stephen, so she could only speak in general terms. I'm also optimistic because she did concede you had no major flaws that could be identified as a problem.” Lily wished she could tell Karl that everything would be fine, that they were certain to win. But in a courtroom nothing was certain.

    He sighed. “I'm just glad Stephen doesn't have to be here now. Hearing all that would have made his mental state even worse.”

    “And I will do everything in my power to make sure he stays away from here. See you tomorrow, Karl.”

* * *

 

    Karl didn't get back home until after Astrid and Donny had been released from school. In the grand scheme of things it didn't matter that much, as Stephen could easily pick both of them up and take them home. Yet he still felt like something had been lost. There was a chance that after the case ended that he would not ever be able to pick up Astrid from school, and if that came to pass then every lost moment would stand out all the more.

    With all that weighing on his mind, the first place he stopped after getting in was Astrid's room. She was looking through one of her books while seated on the bed. “Hi hon. How was your day at school?”

    “We're supposed to get a picture of some plant and learn about it. Then we have to talk about it in front of everybody.” There was a hopeful look in her eyes as she said “Did the judge say I could stay here?”

    Karl felt his heart break a little. “It's going to be a little while before he makes a decision. We only got started today. So I can't tell if you can stay yet.”

    Astrid looked deflated. “Oh.”

    “Do you know where Stephen is?” He hadn't been in the living room, but Karl had wanted to see his daughter before talking to him.

    “He's in your room. I think he might be on the phone.”

    He wondered who he was speaking with. “Thank you. Is Donny in his room, too?” 

    “No, he went to go play with Diego today. He might stay for dinner, too.”

    Ever since Diego's mother had allowed the boys to visit each other, it wasn't uncommon for Donny to see Diego or vice versa. Karl thought that the reason behind the visit today was the stress everyone was under due to the trial. Astrid had likely wanted to be home so she could learn what was going to happen to her right away, but Donny probably wanted to forget about everything for a few hours. “I hope he has a good time.” He gave Astrid a quick hug and went to go see what Stephen was up to.

    Like Astrid had said before, he was on the phone. He glanced over at Karl when he entered the room and said “Karl just came in now.” A pause. “It should be okay now. I hope I didn't bother you too much. Yeah, I remember what you said. I just don't...” Another silence. “Thank you.” He ended the call and looked at Karl. “How did it go today?”

    “I'm not too sure. The witness didn't say much beyond some allusions and talking about how my mother impressed her. Mother's always been good with that sort of thing.” He let the words sink in before saying “Who was on the phone?”

    “Dr. Drumm. He said I could call if I needed him. And I really did today.” Stephen's eyes darted around, and he kept moving his hands from one place to another.

    He hoped that it didn't mean the worst. “I can guess why today might have been difficult.”

    “I really wanted to be there with you. Kept thinking about how tough it must be to be going against your mother like that. And there's him.” Karl still didn't think he'd heard Stephen say Kaecilius's name yet. “I wondered if he'd try, or if you're too good...” He had to look away as he spoke.

    If being a good human being was enough to keep a monster like Kaecilius away from you, then Stephen shouldn't have ever come within a thousand yards of the man. “Everything went fine. Kaecilius and I never even spoke to each other.”

    Stephen then changed the subject somewhat. “I hope I didn't make you too worried because of earlier. I just needed to talk to someone about everything, and I was getting so worried that I didn't know what would happen if I waited. I wasn't going to do anything, but I didn't want to get all bent out of shape while I was the only one looking after Astrid. Did she tell you Donny's visiting Diego?”

    “She did.”

    “That's good. I really don't want you to worry any more than you have to.”

    Stephen's words reminded Karl of why it was so important to win this case. If he lost, then there would be no question about what would have to be done: he would be forced to give up on having Stephen in his life. Whether or not Donny would go with him was unknown, but no matter what the outcome would be extremely painful. Could Stephen mentally handle losing one of the few people he had any degree of trust in?

    Karl wasn't certain he wanted to know the answer to that question, and hoped to never find out.  


 


	30. Best Interests of the Child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second day of the trial causes Karl to once again confront Kaecilius, which leads to a privotal question. Meanwhile, the witness explains why Astrid may be in danger.

    Day two of the hearing began with Lily not looking happy. “He's brought in Gabriel Kendrick. I was afraid she would be his witness in regards to child development.”

    Karl wondered what that meant for them. “How bad is that?”

    “Not good. Dr. Kendrick is known for having worked with Kaecilius quite a few times in the past. She's very much stuck in the past in regards to child-rearing. Thinks that the first priority should always be given to a child's mother, no matter how capable a father might be. She's also talked a great deal about how sex work is immoral, and how people must be protected from it at all costs. Mostly she talks about women who are involved in the field, so I'm not certain what she would think of Stephen doing so. She's familiar with a great deal of research, but normally can twist it to fit whatever point she's trying to make, even if the overall point disagrees with her conclusions. But she's articulate, and can impress people by citing a whole mess of studies.”

    “But Lilia and I agreed that I was going to take care of Astrid even before she was born. Who would this Dr. Kendrick say should look after her, if her mother isn't doing so?”

    “Then the option she recommends is to place the child in the care of another female family member. Which would fit your mother perfectly.” Lily had a grim look on her face as she spoke.

    He wondered how you could respond to something like that. “Why does she think like that?”

    “A variety of reasons. She looks at studies and says children raised without men in the household tend to do better than children in the standard two-parent family. Most of the studies she's looking at involve children in same-sex households, and a big argument made there is that since two women have to plan on having a child together then they are more likely to be ready for the challenges of parenting than someone who might have just ended up with a child unexpectedly. I can also point towards the studies she might use also seeing the same effects with two men as the parents, so hopefully I can work with that. I did speak with Dr. Warren yesterday, asking a few questions about child development. Need to be on my toes for today, so I don't get too overwhelmed by everything.”

    Dr. Kendrick did look to be far more confident than Dr. Sofen had yesterday. She was clearly someone who was used to testifying in court, and could be seen chatting with Kaecilius before taking the stand. Karl thought that might not look so good to the judge, but he had to admit to being out of his element here.

    Kaecilius started off today in a slightly different manner than he had yesterday. “Dr. Kendrick, I would like you to tell the court something about your experience with child development today.”

    She spoke with a clear voice. “I would be more than glad to. I have been a practicing psychiatrist for over twenty years now. I have written over fifty papers for peer-reviewed journals talking about children's welfare, the role of attachment in proper development, and about what kinds of family structures are most beneficial to children.”

    Lily whispered to Karl “Most of the journals she's been published in aren't the major players in the field. And the ones that got into bigger journals have had numerous critiques and responses towards them. The people who take the most seriously are those who already agree with her perspective, and as far as I can tell Dr. Kendrick's never changed her mind regardless of the evidence given to her.”

    “Well, then I am honored that you've taken the time out of your day to be here. Let's start with a basic question: what would you say is the basis for proper child development?”

    “The beginnings of child development occur even before a child is born. Everything starts once a mother becomes aware she is carrying a child. During the prenatal period the beginnings of proper attachment start. A mother will speak to her unborn child, and there is evidence that in uetro children can sense what their mother might be feeling. As long as the pregnancy is supported both medically and psychologically, by the time the baby is born a bond has been formed between mother and child. You can see this when you review meetings between mothers who gave up their children at birth and said children. They so often talk about how they feel an immediate connection.”

    “So the relationship between a mother and child is crucial in the beginning. How does that change as the child gets older?”

    “In the first year or so a child is entirely dependent on their mother to gratify their needs. An infant expresses a need, the mother provides it and soothes the child – this sort of interaction occurs hundreds and hundreds of times. Over time, this leads to a child establishing their first real attachment in life. As long as this bond is kept intact, then it will eventually carry over towards other relationships. By the time a child is old enough to attend school – around five years old, although some may start slightly earlier – they are able to handle being separated from their mother for an extended period of time.”

    Kaecilius asked, likely to clarify “Are you saying that until a child goes to school that their mother should not ever leave them?”

    “Certainly not. During the first two years any absence should be for a few hours at the very most, and never more than a couple of times a week. The bond between is still too fragile at that time to allow for more than that. While it is not necessary for a mother to always be in close proximity with their child, it should be possible to be in their presence as quickly as possible if the child has a need of them. By the third year of life, it's acceptable to have periods of up to one night away as long as the child is with people they know well, such as grandparents. This should occur no more than once every few months, even less often than the briefer partings done before. By the time school begins a child will start to create relationships with peers, and will continue to branch out as they grow older.”

    “So then they will be able to create relationships as long as they have that first relationship with their mother. Tell me, what would happen to a child who is taken away from their mother too soon?”

    Dr. Kendrick sighed, and her mouth turned downward. “If a child is taken from their mother prior to school-age, then it is likely that will be one of the worst traumas they could endure. The child will wonder why they were abandoned, they will likely grow to have problems with anxiety, fear losing other relationships they may form, and experience a pervasive sense of loss. The severity of these symptoms depends in large part on how old the child is at the time of the separation, as well as if there is someone who can step up to the plate to act in a maternal role. It is commonly thought that if a child is taken away from their mother just after birth there will be no harmful effects, but this is incorrect. Studies have shown there is a higher rate of emotional disturbance in adopted children, higher than those who remain with their families. The essential mother-child bond begins even before birth, so removal will still have major effects on the child as well as the mother. I would go so far as to say that taking a child away from their mother should be considered by far the most harmful thing you can do to a child, beyond the actions most of us would consider to be abusive.”

    Karl at this point was rolling his eyes. Given that a good deal of his charity work focused on the needs of abused children, he could safely say that just being taken away from a parent couldn't possibly be the worst thing that could happen to a child. Not that that experience was one you would want to see happen, but in otherwise normal families it would be a sad thing that happened as opposed to a major trauma. In the cases of families that were far from being anywhere near normal, being taken away could actually be better than staying there. And while Astrid did not live with her mother, it would be an extreme stretch to say that she was taken away from Lilia at any point. How was Kaecilius planning on using this?

    “You mentioned someone stepping up to the plate and acting in a maternal role. Who might this person be?”

    “Ideally they would be an aunt or grandmother, someone who could mimic the role of mother in some way. My preference would be to make certain they are maternally related, because then some of the biochemical responses that manifest themselves between mothers and their children might be triggered in them as well. If that's not an option, it is acceptable to have them come from the paternal line as long as they are willing to make certain the child knows all there is to know about their mother.” Karl was about ready to burst out laughing here. He knew his mother very well, and what she would tell Astrid about Lilia would make one's head spin. Sara had made it clear throughout his own childhood that she was the last person he should ever speak with, calling her gypsy scum and a descendant of thieves. How could Dr. Kendrick go on the stand and say all this with a straight face?

    Kaecilius gave one of his seemingly charming smiles. “Now let me ask you about the kind of person who would take a child from their mother. Who would do something like that?”

    “First of all, I would look long and hard at any mother who is not caring for her child. I can accept that some types of illness might make it hard for her to be involved in all the day-to-day parenting, and there is always the matter of lacking enough resources to properly care for a child. But both of those situations can be remedied with sufficient support. If at any point a woman tells me how she had to give her child to the care of another then I am going to wonder if she was forced into doing it by others.”

    “Who might be involved in that coercion?”

    “Other family members might feel that the child may have a better life if they were placed up for adoption, for instance. This is never the case, as my own research has shown, but so often just prior to birth mothers are convinced to surrender their child by family that has no desire to give them the material support they might need. At times mothers can be told that unless they surrender their children to social services they will end up losing them permanently via forced adoption. Sadly, while in those cases the children are not normally adopted they are also never sent back home.” She slowly shook her head. “But worst of all is when her male partner makes her give her child to him under the guise of having equal rights to them.”

    “Why would that be a worst-case scenario? Don't fathers also have a say in their children's lives?”

    “They may have a say, but the role of a father in the life of a child is paltry compared to that of a mother. Fathers can play a role in providing discipline, and also can support mothers so they may be able to spend more time with their children. However, they lack the essential qualities that a mother possesses to help children form attachments. If a father insists on upsurping the mother's role in caring for a child, then I can tell you that I am going to be looking at them very carefully for other signs they might display.”

    “What manner of signs might you be seeing?”

    “A desire to control the mother. A feeling of children as being their property. Evidence they might have harmed their partners in the past. Most good fathers are able to accept that the mother offers a level of care that they cannot, and if the relationship ends they allow their children to be in the primary care of the mother. If they do not do so, then I normally start to see a sense of anger that the mother is no longer part of their life. And I wonder how they might have acted during the relationship itself.”

    “What is your opinion of the situation being presented here today, that of Astrid Mordo? She has been raised by her father for her entire life, with no female influence to be found. How might this affect her welfare?”

    “First of all, I must go and look at the facts of the relationship between her parents. The records indicate that they were never married, and the only time that I can see them as having lived together is while Ms. Calderu was pregnant with Astrid. Let me ask you, what does that say about the type of relationship they have? Clearly there is no kind of serious involvement, otherwise I would expect them to have at the very least spent some time living under the same roof. Now we can also look at what happened following the birth of the child. Ms. Calderu never at any point lived with her child. Immediately after giving birth, she took off to another country! Why would a woman who has just experienced the most important event of her life end up running so far? Could there be something she was running from? If my research is any indication, the biggest reason for a mother to leave her child with their father is because they have been forced into doing so. Unfortunately I was not able to speak with Ms. Calderu about what might have led up to her leaving her child, so I find it much more difficult to come to any conclusions about what happened. I feel that she may have been made pregnant even though she did not desire to have a child, and Mr. Mordo may have used his considerable resources to convince her to do so and then ordered her to let him raise the child. If that were the case, then I can safely say that the relationship between the two of them was unhealthy at best and abusive at worst. That alone would make me think twice before leaving a child in the home.”

    Karl leaned over to Lily. “Shouldn’t you be saying something to object here? How can she say things like that about me and Lilia?”

    “It’s not a good idea to do that right now. First of all, Dr. Kendrick’s never spoken to either of you, so I’m definitely going to be bringing this up when I get to cross-examine her. If she’s going to keep making statements like that, I want to have her hang herself with her own words. And there’s a second thing she said that I want to get back to. Dr. Kendrick implied she tried to talk to Lilia at some point, but was turned away. I’m willing to bet she was trying to twist anything she would have said into ammunition for her beliefs, but when Lilia didn’t engage with her it threw a wrench into things. If she’s less prepared than she would like to be, then we have the upper hand.”

    As it turned out, it was Judge Parker who stepped in. He looked over at Dr. Kendrick and Kaecilius and said “I must remind you that Karl Mordo has neither been accused nor charged with any wrongdoing here. I would like to tell you to refrain from insinuating such things about the respondent while you are in my courtroom.”

    Kaecilius gave the judge a brief angry look before returning to questioning his witness. “How would you expect things to change if Astrid were to go and live with her grandmother as opposed to her father?”

    “First off, she would be able to gain the benefits of having a woman in her life for the first time. Once a girl reaches the school-age marker, she needs her mother in a different way than she might have before. Her mother can help her with her feelings about her life, about the changes that will eventually come about in her body, and will provide a female role-model for her to guide herself by. I would also like to have her evaluated for the presence of any major issues that might have come about due to never having a real relationship with her mother. Hopefully Astrid will prove to be a resilient child who has been able to get something out of the brief time she has spent with her mother prior to this.”

    If it wasn't for the fact that doing so would probably make him look bad to the judge Karl would have been laughing himself into a stupor by now. The idea that Astrid had somehow been denied female influence in her life was absurd. Why hadn't any of these witnesses talked about her maternal grandmother? Astrid saw her at least twice a year, and they spoke on a regular basis. That certainly counted as being a part of her life. He thought that the reason Lilia M. was being ignored was because she could lay waste to some of the claims that were being made about Astrid's care. He wished more than ever that Lily had been able to get her to come and testify, but she had declined. The legal system was not one Lilia Morgu trusted, partially because of the lack of effort put forward into solving her husband's murder and the way her heritage caused the courts to look upon her with a certain degree of scorn. Karl had told her that in New York her Romani background would not matter, but she had held firm in her decision.

    One positive had come out of the conversation. Lilia M. had told Karl that if the court said Astrid would be put in harm's way by living with Stephen, then she would put herself forward as a candidate for custody. “I promise you, I will care for my granddaughter far better than that woman ever will.” Lily had said that unless they were handed a resounding defeat that such a proposal shouldn't be brought up – at least for now.

    Kaecilius looked as if he might be wrapping things up soon. He asked Dr. Kendrick “As you know, Dr. Strange is also the parent of a child who has no mother in his life. Do you feel that the concerns you have raised over Astrid's care also apply to its son?”

    Karl almost couldn't believe it. Kaecilius had outright called Stephen an it in front of the judge. He hoped that they could use that, although how wasn't clear. If Lily were to confront Kaecilius about his history with him, then chances were he would just deny it outright. But he had slipped up. It made Karl even more grateful Stephen was not in court today.

    “In the matter of Dr. Strange I cannot say as much as I could for Karl Mordo, because the records aren't as clear here. I only know that he also was not married to the mother of his child, and that she may have been a homeless woman. I suspect the name she gave on the birth certificate wasn't her real name, because there has been no trace of her in any other public records to the best of my knowledge. Perhaps she was coerced into giving away her child, perhaps she felt incapable to parent due to personal problems – without knowing anything about her I cannot say what might have happened in that case.” _But you had no trouble saying what you thought happened between Lilia and I,_ Karl added.

    Lily had attempted to track down Starla in some way, but looking for someone whose real name you didn't know in a state the size of Florida was essentially an impossible task. No one knew what she could say in any event, or even if she was still alive. The only saving grace that came from the search was that if they couldn't kind Starla, then neither could Kaecilius.

    “But would you say that you would feel a level of concern, given what you have stated to the court about the importance of that maternal bond?”

    “Yes, I certainly can say I am concerned. But what I should be concerned about is not precisely clear to me at this time.”

    Kaecilius ended it with that statement. “No further questions, your Honor.”

    Karl was surprised to realize it was lunchtime. He asked Lily “Is there someplace I could get something to eat around here?”

    “There's a cafeteria on the second floor. I've been there before. Nothing great, but it'll do if you need a quick meal. Don't try and leave to get food, because I don't know when we'll be called back in.”

    Vowing next time to bring something in so that he didn't have to worry about this problem coming up again, Karl headed off to get some food.

    Just as he was entering the cafeteria, he heard a voice call his name. “Karl.” Kaecilius was standing there, his usual smile on his face. “It's a pleasure.”

    He wanted to lash out at the other man, but kept his temper in check. “I don't think we have anything to say to each other.”

    Kaecilius only chuckled. “So where's your plaything? Why couldn't it come in today? Telling you how scared it might be? You can always tell. Something about the way it looks at you, shutting its eyes...”

    “What do you hope to get out of this? I have no plans to leave Stephen, and all that you are saying to me now is only going to make me hate you all the more. What is your game, Kaecilius?”

    Kaecilius didn't say a word for some time. Yet the look he gave Karl made him wonder if on some level he still hoped to reconcile with him. With everything that had come out about Stephen there would be no chance of it happening even if his current relationship ended, but some part of Kaecilius still was looking for that person to take home. Karl hadn't heard of him having had any serious relationships since they broke up, so it was possible that he still held a torch for him. If that were the case, he was going about it in such a manner that no one except the most insecure partner would ever end up taking him back. Karl wondered if he just saw Stephen as being so repulsive that anyone would leave him if they knew all they could about his past.

    Finally, he did speak. “So how have you had it so far? On its back? Hands and knees? Kneeling? Which way's best? I've tried them all, and I know I always left satisfied. You always wanted to try more, so now don't you feel grateful you have the chance?”

    Now Karl was just thinking Kaecilius was trying to be as cruel as possible. He had ended their relationship, and had later on started living with the man who he held responsible for said breakup. The anger he still seemed to hold just made him shake his head. “You know nothing about my relationship with Stephen. He is worth far more than you could possibly imagine.”

    Kaecilius smiled. “Fifty dollars a go, that's what its value is. Do you ever wonder how many others have tried the same things you have with it? Maybe it's still heading out to look for more people to lure in. Once a whore, always a whore. Can you really trust it? Do you know about all the things it's done? I've heard so many of them. Maybe you should ask it about the time the man came and got him, and then asked him to put on a show?”

    Karl ended up firing back. “How many more Stephens are there?”

    For once Kaecilius looked stunned. He stood blinking, not making any move to answer the question.

    The reaction emboldened him. “Do you really think that I'd believe Stephen was the only one you used like that? The things you did to him you would only do if you were confident that you could get away with doing them. So how many times did you hone your skills before you met him?”

    The expression on Kaecilius's face turned into a level of anger Karl had never seen before. “You know what, I used to think you were the type of person you could take home instead of just fucking. But now I don't think you're worthy of either one. You like having filth in your life, Karl? I hope that one day you realize what the proper place of things like Stephen is, and use it accordingly. You will lose this case, I guarantee it.”

    After Kaecilius left Karl felt strangely peaceful. He'd seen a glimpse of the man who had abused Stephen so horribly over so many years, and the sight gave him a certain degree of confidence. He may have been a lawyer who knew how to present his case before a judge, but Kaecilius was also capable of showing his other side. Earlier when Judge Parker had reprimanded him, he'd looked similar to what Karl had just seen a few minutes ago. Could that be a turning point in the case?

    All he ended up getting was a sandwich, and he went back into the courtroom to eat it. Lily apparently had not left, and was scribbling down some notes on a pad of paper. She was so involved with this that Karl's return wasn't noticed until he started clearing his throat. “What are you doing?”

    “Seeing about shaking up the planned order of our witnesses. I'm still trying to see where I can fit Wong in. Dr. Palmer can come in pretty soon after we have our experts, since she's only seen Stephen once in the last few years. I want to make sure that there are no allegations of us trying to tamper with our witnesses. Kaecilius has done that in the past and its worked well enough that whoever was going to testify ended up dropping out of the case because they were afraid of what might happen. Wong being Stephen's friend, he's the one I think he'd be most likely to try it with.”

    Karl now wanted to ask a different question. “Both of the witnesses we've seen haven't met either me, Stephen, or Astrid. Is that normal?”

    “For Dr. Kendrick, it's a little more to be expected. She's mainly talking about child development in general as opposed to the specific facts of Astrid's development. Notice she never said for certain Astrid had any problems from not being in her mother's care. But I will be asking her why she never even tried to meet with her for some kind of evaluation.”

    “Do you have any idea why she might not have tried to do so?”

    “That's easy enough to guess. If Dr. Kendrick talked to Astrid, she'd hear about how much she loves you. I can also assume that she might not be able to get Astrid to say the things she needs to hear for her report to go the way it should. In order to have the proper impression put forward – that without having a female influence in her life she'll end up with problems – there either has to be evidence of those problems or Astrid would have to say that she wishes she had a mother around. The odds of either of those things happening aren't too high, and if Dr. Kendrick is smart she would try and make sure that all the information she gets works in her favor. Look how she cherry-picked what happened between you and Lilia, and how since she didn't know anything about Starla to use she said far less there.”

    “Kaecilius used his experts first, before anyone else. Do you think that's the best strategy for us right now?”

    “If he hadn't started that way, I might have gone with Ms. Minoru or Dr. Palmer as my first witness, just to get an idea of what people think of you or Stephen. Now I'm going to start off with Dr. Lewis and the results of the assessment he performed on you. I'd like to have some solid results to work with here. It's not perfect by any means, though.”

    Karl questioned “Why would that be the case?”

    “Because as his report is going to say, Dr. Lewis is going to concede Stephen has some serious mental health issues. Of course, they aren't the type of problems that create a harmful environment for children, but the fact they're there isn't a positive for us here. Also, Dr. Lewis doesn't have the in-depth understanding that Dr. Drumm has of Stephen, so his overview may seem to be a bit perfunctory.”

    “So wouldn't it be better if Dr. Drumm were to testify first? He'd give the best impression of what Stephen's problems are, correct?”

    “Right, but he's also not able to offer the information Dr. Lewis will be giving on your ability to be parents. So his testimony is going to serve us better if we place it in a space where he can talk about his challenges while also looking at the more professional example already provided. That'll get the big picture brought into focus as best we can.”

    It all sounded so complex that Karl was amazed she could keep track of it. “I had no idea that you needed to do so many things just to get your side heard in court. I would have thought facts would be enough to carry you through.” 

    “When I started out in law school, I thought the same way you did. I learned otherwise pretty fast. Everything, from the way you bring in your witnesses to how they dress is something that has to be properly tailored to make people hear your side fully. Here we have a bit of a different situation, since we're only being heard by a judge and not a jury. Getting one person to hear your side out is easier than getting twelve people to listen.”

    “Do family courts ever use juries?”

    “Not in my experience. Not to say that's it's never happened, just that I've never been a part of it or known anyone who was.”

    A second thought came to mind. “When do you think Kaecilius will have my mother take the stand?”

    “My guess is he might wait until after we've brought in all our people. That way her testimony can be tailored exactly based on what has already been said. So I'm going to tell you now that you should expect to wait a while to give your own testimony, because I'm not putting you on until after your mother speaks.”

    Dr. Kendrick could be seen coming back in the room, and it looked like the recess was going to be ending soon. She seemed utterly calm in spite of knowing that she would soon be dealing with a hostile attorney who would try and take apart everything she said. Karl was willing to bet that this was an experience she must have had before, or there would have been some signs of nerves visible.

    Lily glanced over and whispered to Karl “Honestly, one of the pettiest reasons I have for not liking this woman is that she's got the same name as one of my grandmothers. So I think I keep comparing her to my grandmother and finding her lacking in every way.”

    Karl remembered Lily having mentioned once she had four grandmothers (“It's a long story,” she'd said), but he wondered why she brought it up now. Maybe it was her own nerves speaking. This would be one of the bigger witnesses in the case, next to perhaps his own mother, and she knew she had to be on top of everything to be successful. He wished there was more he could do to help Lily out with the stressors she had to be facing.

    He heard her inhale. “Well, it's my time now. Wish me luck.” 

    Judge Parker made his own way back into the courtroom, and Karl could only sit and wait as the next portion of the case was begun.

 

  
  


 


	31. Witness Review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily faces Dr. Kendrick down.

    There was no holding back with Lily's first question. “Dr. Kendrick, you have stated here that the bond between a mother and child is crucial to proper development, correct?”

    She narrowed her brow before answering. “Yes, that would be the case.”

    “And as you have said, there needs to be some type of female parental figure in the home or a child will not experience the elements needed for correct development, right?”

    “Yes.”

    “Then would you say that two men who wish to raise a child together should not be allowed to do so? In this case there would be no woman involved in the upbringing of said child. So should gay men be forbidden from adopting or otherwise raising a child unless they agree to have a woman to act as a maternal figure?”

    Dr. Kendrick didn't seem to know what to say. “If you are familiar with my work, you would know that I do not believe that we should permit children to be adopted at all. The separation from the mother is too great a trauma to be acceptable.”

    “But there is also the option for two men to have a surrogacy arrangement with a willing woman. What would be the best outcome in that case?”

    “I must emphasize that I cannot endorse such an arrangement, because the prenatal bond I have spoken of will be disrupted when the mother gives the child she has carried to the people who have asked her to carry a child for them. The only circumstances I can live with are ones when the mother has either become so incapacitated that she cannot care for herself let alone a child or if she is deceased. Then it may be appropriate for a child to be taken from their mother's care.”

    “So there is no way for two men to be responsible for the upbringing of a child? May I then say that you are opposed to gay men becoming parents?”

    There wasn't an answer right away, because Dr. Kendrick was in a bind. If she said that what Lily was stating was true then she would look to be prejudiced against two men being parents. But with the way she'd clarified her beliefs, then even saying she had no problem with gay men parenting wouldn't help much, because she had left no option open for them to become parents. So then she would have to concede that while she may not have been opposed in theory, in practice it was essentially impossible for the outcome to come about. “If the men in question were willing to allow the child to stay with their mother much of the time, then there would be no problems.”

    “But how would you work out an arrangement for the child to be involved in their lives? You've already said that until a child is ready for school they shouldn't spend any extended time away from their mother. How are they to develop a relationship with their fathers in that case?”

    “As long as they have the basis of a good maternal relationship, then it shouldn't be a challenge for the child to get to know their fathers more in-depth as they become older.”

    “What about the time that's already been lost? Telling people they can only really get to know their child once they're five or so isn't something you want to hear. Is there no way to balance the needs of both parties?”

    “It is better for the child to stay with their mother. As I have stated multiple times before, that is the most crucial relationship to be had during those early years. Even if a child would prefer to spend more time with their father, they don't always know what's best for them. The best outcome for a child must be sought out. There's still plenty of time for a relationship after the child has entered school.” Dr. Kendrick was now starting to place a great deal of emphasis on each of her words.

    Lily let what she was hearing sink in before going on. “Let me ask you another question: it was not uncommon many years ago for women to die giving birth to their children. As far as I can tell, no one noticed an abundance of children who were as impaired in their development as you have implied they would be without a maternal figure around. How come this was the case if having no mother causes such harm to children?”

    She now looked annoyed. “To start with, much of the time when a woman died after giving birth the father would remarry rather quickly. That would help a great deal with the trauma of losing a mother. And second of all, much of the time people would not have had the tools to detect psychological damage like we do now. So it is possible that the effects would pass unnoticed.”

    Lily had to suppress a smile, knowing she now had something to really work with. “Before you were implying that not having a mother around to develop an attachment to would be by far the worst trauma a child could ever face. How could something so disastrous pass by unnoticed by the majority of the population? Would they not be able to see some very obvious differences in how said child formed relationships at the very least?”

    “As I said before, if enough people were experiencing similar problems then these affects would just be seen as the way some people are. For the full extent of the trauma to be understood the majority of people would have to have had their maternal relationships follow the proper course.” Dr. Kendrick was shooting daggers from her eyes at Lily by now. Whether this was because she didn't like to be challenged or just that she was struggling to come up with the proper answers remained unknown.

    “But once again, if this was truly the worst trauma a child could face the effects would be fairly clear to all concerned. Even if you don't know exactly what psychosis is one can still tell that delusions are not a normal thing to have. Are you really saying that in the past people had so little knowledge of human behavior that such anomalies would go unremarked on?”

    “No, just that what we might think of as being normal can be affected by what our surroundings contain.”

    Lily made a mental note to come back to this line of questioning if she needed to do so. For now she moved on. “You earlier stated that Ms. Calderu's leaving the country shortly after the birth of her daughter was a warning sign for her relationship with my client, am I not correct?”

    “Yes, that would be an accurate statement.”

    The recess had served a very useful purpose, besides the typical planning one undertakes during a trial. Lily made sure that her smile was as benign as it was possible to be as she produced the pages she had been able to obtain during the break. “I would like it if you were able to look over this article I have in my hands.”

    Nothing that was in the article was something extraordinary. The contents were a simple story about the challenges of serving as a health-care worker, with the major example being shown talking about in the city of Sylhet in Bangladesh. Throughout the article, there were many pictures of the people seeking treatment as well as the medical personnel who were treating them. Dr. Kendrick glanced over it for a moment before asking “And what is it I am supposed to gather from this story?”

    “Did you not notice the credit given for the photographs in the article?” She pointed towards a line of text: _Photos by Lilia Calderu._ “The article came out a short while following the birth of Astrid Mordo. Do you think that the idea of a paying job might have motivated Ms. Calderu to leave like she did?”

    Dr. Kendrick appeared to be on the defensive. “Well, she still could have taken her child with her to where she was working. Many mothers do such in order to stay close to their children.”

    “There are mothers who do so, but wouldn't it be easier to just leave Astrid where she was, safe with her father, rather than pick her up and take her halfway across the world? Why would you want to place that kind of stress on a newborn child?”

    “The stress that would be placed on an infant by traveling is a mere fraction of the stress that would be placed on her by being parted from her mother.”

    “And how would an infant show that stress?”

    By now Dr. Kendrick was making no secret of her contempt for Lily. “She would be more prone to crying, would scream for longer periods of time, and would resist efforts at soothing her. Without consciously realizing it, she would be showing the aftereffects of being parted from her mother.”

    Lily remembered the first few months of her brother's life. He'd pretty much been the same as the description given, but their mother had been a constant presence during that time period. (The only part she couldn't say for certain was true was the one about resisting efforts at soothing, but she had no idea how you _could_ tell something like that.) “Wouldn't the description you've given apply to virtually any infant?”

    “No, it would not. Anyone who's been around a happy baby can easily tell the difference. A happy infant will only cry to make their needs known, and will go back to being quiet after the need has been met. This is part of the attachment process.”

    She was grateful for having spoken for a brief period of time to Dr. Warren, because she'd learned something that would hopefully counter the argument being placed in front of her. “Dr. Kendrick, are you familiar with what is known as the period of purple crying?”

    “I have heard of such a concept, yes.”

    “If you have heard of the concept, then you know it is perfectly normal for infants to cry for extended periods of time without any real reason. And from what I have learned, this is not dependent on whether they are with their mothers or not. So how would you differentiate between purple crying and the trauma of separation from the mother?”

    “You would look to see if there had been any separation from the mother during the critical period. If there was none, then you could look at other causes.”

    “So as long as there has been a lengthy separation from the mother, then that should always be seen as the cause of any significant distress in an infant?”

    “Yes, that is how I believe the thought process should work.”

    Lily let this statement go unremarked upon. She wanted to roll her eyes at the sheer absurdity of what was being said, but professionalism won the day. “Dr. Kendrick, would it ever be possible for a father to desire to have a child more than a mother may?”

    This was something she looked to find more comfortable than the previous topic had been. “Yes. It is well known that in unhealthy relationships a man may seek to get a woman pregnant so that he can exert control over her via the child.”

    Time to get to work. “Let me give you a hypothetical scenario. Two people have been seeing each other off and on, and the man has always wanted to have a child. The woman has no interest in doing so, but in spite of both of their best efforts becomes pregnant anyway. Because she knows of her partner's desire for children, she goes ahead with the pregnancy and after the birth he is given primary custody of the child. Now based on what you have said, this represents a disruption of the mother-child bond that will create lasting harm to the child. What, therefore, should be done in this case I have given you?”

    Dr. Kendrick frowned, and in a cold tone said “Either the mother should end the pregnancy, or she should try and find a proper caregiver for the child. I believe there would be too much risk involved in just giving the father the child to care for.”

    “Let us assume that for whatever reason there is no proper female caregiver to be found. Then what should happen?” Lily hoped that this line of questioning would get her the results she needed.

    The answer given was rather hesitant. “If no caregiver can be found, then either the pregnancy should be ended or the mother should raise the child on her own.”

    Bulls-eye. “So if a woman becomes pregnant, she loses her ability to make decisions about the child? No matter what she believes, she can be forced to end it? Is that what you have in mind?”

    “If she does not wish to end the pregnancy, then she has options. No one should force a mother to abort.”

    “But you are limiting her options. You have stated you believe that adoption should not be allowed, and that any potential caregiver for a child should be female and most likely related to the mother. Under these circumstances, then there would be far more women having to raise children they do not particularly want. How can this be a better outcome than separation from the mother might be?”

    “I would say that there are very few cases in which there is no other option other than having the mother raise the child. The number of cases in which this would occur is so small that I see no reason to worry oneself over it.”

    Game, set, match. She had her. “So in a very small number of cases you believe a woman should be forced to raise a child against her will, since adoption or having the father care for the child are not outcomes you can support.”

    Dr. Kendrick blinked a few times and her eyes began to dart around the room. “You are neglecting to mention that she may choose to end the pregnancy if she wishes.”

    “But what if she does not wish to do so? Are you suggesting that if no caregiver can be found that either a woman be forced to keep a child she does not want or to end the pregnancy against her will?”

    “You are twisting my words. I find it nearly impossible to believe that a woman would become pregnant and not only not wish to keep the child, but would also desire to have the father raise their child instead of just ending the whole thing. You are working with a scenario that almost never exists.”

    Lily couldn't wait until she was able to get Lilia Calderu on the witness stand. For now she switched topics once more. “Dr. Kendrick, you stated you were unable to meet with Ms. Calderu. Why was that the case?”

    “I reached out to Ms. Calderu early on in the process of working on this case. At first she said that she would speak to me at some point, but when I was able to reach her a second time she said that she had done her research and had nothing to say to me.” She hoped Lilia hadn't been quite that polite to her. “I suspected she might have been told to not engage with me at some point.”

    Lily nodded, trying to look like she was thinking about her next question more intently than she truly was. “Given what you have said prior to this about how mothers should not leave their children or risk lasting harm, do you think she might have felt you would be overly judgmental of her decisions?”

    “I have always made it my mission to be as supportive as I can of what mothers feel they must to in regards to their children. My plans in speaking with Ms. Calderu were to figure out what role Mr. Mordo may have played in her leaving her daughter. If she was a victim of some manner of coercion then I would see a clear reason for her acting as she did, and not anything she could be blamed for.”

    “Did you try and contact anyone else who might have known what happened between her and my client?”

    “As far as I know, there was no one.” Dr. Kendrick seemed quite matter-of-fact in her proclamation.

    “What about her own mother? Is that not someone who could be said to know about her?” She could guess that the reason there had been no effort made at contacting Lilia M. because she would most likely speak in positive terms about Karl. But Lily couldn't be certain. Dr. Kendrick may not have realized that Astrid's maternal grandmother was a part of her life, and thus had seen her as not being important.

    She looked at Kaecilius's direction, slightly rattled. “During the course of my investigation into Ms. Calderu I learned that her mother is living in the family home of Mr. Mordo. That brought up the possibility that her reporting might be influenced in his favor. Also, Mrs. Morgu was reportedly quite close to his father, and that also may taint whatever information she provided. Therefore, I opted to not pursue her in this case.”

    “But then how could you come to a conclusion about the relationship if you had no access to any parties who might have answers? Isn't it important to have something to draw your conclusions from?”

    “I have as a basis for my conclusions the large amounts of research I have done into the relationship between mother and child. Again and again, I have seen the tragic effects that come about from mothers being forced to leave their children. From that I believe I can tell what the best options are for the care of Astrid Mordo.”

    “Let me ask you some questions related to one of the studies you have done. In one of your papers, you interviewed a group of women who had given up children for adoption and were able to meet them later on in life, correct?”

    A nod. “Yes, I was responsible for that study.”

    “How did you recruit the women you interviewed for said study?” Lily, like any good lawyer, knew what the answer to her question was going to be. The part that would be important was how Dr. Kendrick chose to defend herself.

    “I placed an ad in a publication looking for women who had lost a child to adoption and had later on been reunited with them. From the responses, I selected those who I felt were the best subjects.”

    “Do you think that the way you phrased that might have played a role in your responses? After all, if I had placed a child for adoption but did not feel a sense of loss over it I wouldn't bother answering an ad like that.”

    “Over the years I have met a great deal of mothers who surrendered their children. Virtually all of them described the same sense of loss, so I would say that if you did not feel the same way you would be an outlier.”

    “I see. But in the study you also claimed that this loss harmed the children in a permanent manner. However, there were twenty mothers involved in your research, but only three adult children. Is there a reason for the discrepancy in numbers here?”

    By now there wasn't much effort put into disguising the anger Dr. Kendrick felt with Lily. “I only was able to reach three of the adult children. And I must emphasize that all three had serious emotional problems dating back from early childhood. There was one other who spoke with me once, but she did not continue to stay in touch. Accordingly, I could not use her data because it would be incomplete.”

    “Did reunification with their mothers help out with the problems in any way?” She doubted the answer would be yes, but in order to make her case needed to ask.

    “Unfortunately it did not. That was one of the conclusions I reached in my paper – that since the trauma of maternal loss was so dire for children that it should be avoided at all costs. We cannot repair the damage once it has been done.” She sighed and shook her head.

    “Then what would be helped by moving Astrid Mordo from the only home she's ever known? If indeed she has suffered from being separated from her mother, then why would it help to place her in a completely new environment given that even being reunited with her mother would not help any problems she may have?”

    “Astrid's case is different than the ones in my paper. To start off, she is young enough that being placed in a home with a proper caregiver can make a difference. The studies vary on what age can be considered the point of no return for maternal separation, but most say it can be found somewhere in adolescence. She is currently far from that point. Ms. Krowler would fit the major criteria I have put forward for a caregiver if the mother for whatever reason cannot care for their child – she is a woman who is related to her. Depending on what issues she may have deeper intervention might be necessary, but I would expect after a few months she would start to build a proper attachment with her grandmother. During this time frame, they should remain together as much as possible. If Mr. Mordo makes too much of an effort to block their relationship from forming, then he should be restricted from seeing his daughter until the proper bond has been formed. This may be difficult in the short-term, but overall will benefit her mental health in so many ways.”

    “What about the bond Astrid has with her father? How would disrupting that relationship serve her?”

    “The bond between children and their fathers is not as significant as is the one they share with their mothers. Leaving Mr. Mordo would have the same effects as leaving a teacher she was close to – a sad experience, but nothing that would have a major impact on her overall life.”

    “I can say from my own experiences that many people have reported having to leave a well-loved teacher as being a horrendous moment. How is it that Astrid would not have a major bond with the man who has been taking care of her since the day she was born? Other than him being male, he performed all the actions you have said a mother does to build a bond with her child. So why wouldn't the same attachment develop here?”

    She seemed to be struggling for an answer. “There are certain hormones that women possess that are thought to assist in the bonding process…”

    “But even if those hormones are part of the bonding process, how will it help to place Astrid in the care of her grandmother? And how would a child know the difference between the hormones given off, anyway?”

    Her voice became louder with each word. “One can be aware of such things even if you are not consciously aware of them. From the moment of conception, a child becomes attuned to the presence of their mother, and that includes the hormonal responses that a mother sends off to them. All women have such markers within them, and Ms. Krowler would have the ability to offset some of the damage that may have been done to Astrid by keeping her apart from her mother for so many years!”

    Now Lily went in for what she hoped would be a kill shot. “Yet you have never spoken to Astrid or collected any information that would pertain to her mental health. So how can you really say what harm might have been done without knowing anything about the child?”

    “I believe that my experience in the field gives me an ability to talk about the possible effects that may be felt here. That is within the range of what I can say here.”

    “Even given that, you have stated that Astrid would not be affected by leaving the person she has trusted most, without going and seeing how she might feel about it. I would say that that goes beyond just knowledge of human behavior, and into personal opinions about an individual. Do you think that may be the case here?”

    “I do not feel that is the case. Besides, Astrid is a child. Children often do not know what is best for them. She would be very much normal by feeling upset over leaving what she now knows, even if it would work out better for her in the long run.”

    There was now something new to jump on. “Yet you have said that Astrid's development has likely been negatively effected by her being kept from her mother. So how can you then say she would react in a normal way? Is it possible she might not even feel too much about the change in living situations?”

    Dr. Kendrick was speechless for now. She clearly had no way to go forward from Lily's argument. At last she said “Without meeting her I could not say anything for sure.”

    By now Lily knew she had the upper hand. Keeping a smile from spreading on her face, she asked “Then why did you not try and meet with Astrid at least once?”

    “Because Astrid is still living with her father. I felt that any information she might give me about herself might be subject to suggestibility. Unless she was in a more neutral environment I did not see a purpose in speaking with her. It would be expected that if she was with her father that she would speak of him in only positive terms.”

    “So unless children are in some manner of neutral environment, they are not to be counted on as reliable sources. Does this mean that any reports of mistreatment coming from children who are living in their parents' homes should be discounted?”

    “I do not see how this is relevant to the case here. As I have been told, there are no allegations of wrongdoing by any parties in this case.”

    Lily wondered if she was being deliberately obtuse or just was trying to avoid the question. “Well, if Astrid cannot be relied upon if she gives a positive report on her father, then how would things be different if her account was negative? Would you take her words more seriously then?”

    “Without information that corroborates what a child is saying, I tend to take a fairly skeptical eye. It has been shown that children can be so easily led that even simple questioning can lead to untruths occurring. So no matter what Astrid would tell me, I still could not fully accept her account. And so to avoid the morass that might develop from trying to discern what might or might not be true I opted to just base my conclusions on the other information I was given.”

    Lily wanted to ask one other thing that had only just occurred to her. “At what age can you start to fully take into account a report given?”

    “I would say that the teenage years are the best place to start from. By that point one's sense of identity has begun to develop, and it is harder to get them to say what is desired to be said.”

    “Are individuals who are developmentally delayed also subject to that rule? Would you want to work with their chronological age, or their mental age?”

    Dr. Kendrick looked down. “That would depend on the individual in question.”

    “Then why would a rule for children in general not be subject to individual circumstances? Are we all just creatures of a hive mind until we reach puberty?”

    The answer given was relayed slowly. “One can count on developmental markers being met for most children. Perhaps some may hit those markers earlier than others, but I would not consider them to make up a large portion of the population.”

    Lily asked “So it might be possible for Astrid Mordo to be one of those children?” She didn't really think this was the case, but the whole idea that until a certain age you couldn't trust anything that came out of the mouth of a child was one of the most ridiculous things she'd heard in a courtroom. The only thing worse she could remember was the time someone had said their positive drug test came about because they had had sex with an active drug user a few days prior to the test, and that was how the substance got into their body.

    “She may be, yes.”

    It was over and done for the most part. She couldn't see any other avenues to pursue. “No further questions.” She walked back to her seat, feeling more drained than she had in some time.

 

* * *

 

    Karl had been paying as much attention as he could to Lily's cross-examination. She'd spent much more time with Dr. Kendrick than she had with Dr. Sofen the day before, but Kaecilius had also spent more time with her than he had as well. It looked like Dr. Kendrick was more of a formidable witness than Lily had expected, always able to come back with an answer that seemed to be so certain. He was afraid it would end up boding them ill in the end.

    For the most part, Judge Parker had let lawyer and witness go forth without interjecting. He hadn't shown much of a response to the various things that Dr. Kendrick brought up as being absolute truths, but he had also not seemed to think any differently to Lily's questions. Karl still wondered what to think of him. His quiet listening seemed to say that he was trying to take in everything that was being presented, but without having put any of their own witnesses forward yet things hadn't shown themselves fully yet. For all Karl knew, Judge Parker had already made up his mind about sending Astrid away and was just waiting for everything to be over so he could make his ruling.

    Lily was still sitting down, looking drained. The practice of law wasn't something that he normally thought about, and from the few movies and TV shows he'd seen it had always seemed to be a high-reward low-effort type of affair. Clearly this couldn't be more wrong. He asked her “Are you alright?”

    “As good as I can be. I'd heard how tough a witness Dr. Kendrick could be, but today was my first time actually dealing with her. Not too hard to see why Kaecilius likes her so much. They're both utterly convinced they have all the answers, and think anyone who disagrees with them is beneath contempt.” A sigh. “I'm hoping that some of the things I caught her in will stick in the judge's mind. When she said that essentially she didn't want to hear what Astrid had to say about you unless it fit her own worldview then I felt pretty good. But who knows.”

    As they both packed their things and prepared to leave for the day, Karl asked “Do you know if Kaecilius is going to have anyone else like that testify?”

    “Experts? Not to my knowledge. I think he's banking more on being able to discredit our witnesses instead of lining up more people to help him. I can see why that works for him – it relies on how you can work with people's feelings as opposed to facts. For me, emotional appeals are usually mistakes, because how many times have you done something that seemed like the right thing to do because of how it dinged your feelings? And how many times has that worked out for you?”

    Karl remembered his own plan of having a dramatic confrontation with his mother and grandfather that Pat had gently pushed him away from. “The only time I can say it ended up working out well for me was taking in Stephen and Donny. But who knows how that will end up for me?”

    “As well as I can make it work for you, Karl. Tell Stephen and Astrid I'm thinking of them. See you tomorrow.”

    Karl promised he would tell them, and left the courtroom. He wondered what the next day would bring.  


 


	32. Best Medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A face from Stephen's past comes in to offer his perspective, but a slip might make things worse for his side.

    Whoever Kaecilius was going to call to the stand today remained a mystery to Karl. His first thought had been it would be his grandfather, but he couldn't see him there today. He ended up asking Lily about it as soon as she came in. “So, who's on the docket today?”

    “A former co-worker of Stephen's. I'm not certain that he's the best choice of witnesses. Starting off by trying to show how bad Stephen is might not have as much impact as showing how good your mother can be, at least in regards to Astrid. There's also the matter of what he might say about his work ethic. Saying Stephen's a dedicated worker who throws himself into whatever he does – and I know that's true from what I've learned – will only serve to make him look good. But let's see how this turns out.”

    Kaecilius looked to be his usual cocky self as he got up. He clearly had some manner of plan before him. “Your honor, I would like to call Dr. Nicodemus West to the stand.”

    The name Karl remembered, as Christine had said Kaecilius had spoken with him. The man wasn't likely to say anything good, or else he wouldn't be here today. Stephen had said they were doomed when the name had come up, even though neither Karl nor Christine had agreed. Dr. West seemed to be a rather unassuming man, not overly confident or timid. Was that good or bad for them?

    Dr. West sat down, and looked over at Kaecilius, who began to speak. “Dr. West, I understand that you worked with Stephen Strange for several years, correct?”

    “That would be true, yes.”

    “Can you tell me about what it was like to work with him?”

    There was a large smile on his face as he began to speak. “I was first very impressed with Dr. Strange because of the sheer volume of his accomplishments. But this lasted all of a few moments. One of the first things I can remember him doing is giving a lecture to another doctor about how they were treating their patient in the wrong way. He was so mocking and unprofessional that I wondered how anyone could stand having him around. Every time you spoke to him it always ended up going back to something great he'd done lately. The man was so self-absorbed it was hard to believe.”

    “So you would say it was difficult to work with him.” He'd gotten the pronoun right this time, and Karl wondered if it had taken any effort to do so.

    “It certainly was. You would never be treated like you were a professional of any caliber around Stephen. Everyone had done less than him, and couldn't be possibly as capable as he was.”

    “Did you ever interact with Dr. Strange outside of work?”

    Dr. West laughed. “There was never any outside of work for Stephen. No matter what he was supposed to be doing, whether it was going to some conference or attending some kind of occasion with his co-workers, he was always going over some case files or research. People would say that he had so little depth it was a surprise he ever got recognition for his work. But I can very easily see him going to the media to get more people to give him the respect he thought he had due to him.”

    “Did Dr. Strange always want attention paid to him?”

    “Not unless he had something he wanted to show or tell you. Publish some new paper, perform some surgery that no one else wanted to, or be given some type of award for his work – then we would hear about it. But there were plenty of times that he was alone and didn't ask for us to be there, and trust me everyone was very glad to see that.”

    The last part didn't seem like it would work in Kaecilius's favor. Dr. West was saying that Stephen was so caught up in his career that he ran all over anyone who might have gotten in his way, but then said he didn't demand everyone notice him because of that. The Stephen that Dr. West was talking about had contradictory qualities. He was more than happy to receive attention, but didn't demand it outright. He held everyone beneath him, but also devoted himself to his job beyond what would be expected. Treating other doctors like they didn't know anything wasn't a good thing – but from what Karl knew Stephen _had_ accomplished a great deal more than average. And the biggest question was how this would connect to his ability to be a parent. There had to be a large number of others who acted similarly at their job who had children, but they seemed to be left to their own devices. It wasn't enough to say that a parent was an arrogant jerk. The burden was on proving that this was harmful enough to justify taking away the child.

    “How did he react to colleagues asking for the credit they might have deserved?”

    “If you went and worked with him, you had to be perfect in order to get any kind of credit. I once helped him with an operation, and I thought that I did as well as I could, given the complexity of the case. But afterwards when I talked about it, he kept on interjecting his own views there. Went on and on about how I'd neglected steps here and there. The patient was alive and as well as could be, so he should have been overjoyed. But no, that's not enough for the great Stephen Strange.”

    If Karl had been able to say anything, he would have asked “Did Stephen hold himself to those same standards or not?” Because what Dr. West was saying would take on a very different view if Stephen also expected the same level of performance from himself. While it was pretty clear that he was trying to imply that Stephen was just being overly nit-picky, it wasn't too hard to get a different read on the situation. What steps had been neglected? Were they minute ones that could be brushed aside in an emergency, or critical ones that may spell disaster if they were forgotten? He knew nothing about Dr. West's professional life, so if he was routinely skipping steps then Karl could see why he might be taken to task more harshly than others might be. Knowing nothing, he couldn't tell what was the correct option.

    He did think that if this was an accurate picture of what Stephen had been like in the past one of the things he'd said was correct. “If you knew me before, you would have hated me.” But what was more important was what he was like now. Karl had to hope that Judge Parker would look more closely at the testimony talking about what Stephen was like today as opposed to what he'd been like before. But the picture painted might be so negative that it would be hard to see anything else.

    He was so lost in his own thoughts that Kaecilius's next question almost wasn't heard. “How would you describe his behavior towards his patients?”

    “I can say he never gave a damn about them. If Stephen were to see a rare type of neurological condition, he would get almost excited about getting to work on them. He didn't make much time to actually deal with patients' families unless it was to tell them how everything would be alright because of him. He did go and explain what kind of treatment a patient would be receiving to them, but he treated it like just part of the routine you went through. Tell me, what kind of doctor is that?”

    Judge Parker interrupted for only the second time. “Dr. West, let me remind you that you are here as a witness. It is not your place to ask questions to the attorneys. Do you understand?”

    His voice was meek as he said, “Yes, your Honor.”

    Kaecilius jumped ahead like the exchange hadn't happened. “Tell me some more about how Dr. Strange got his patients. Did he choose them himself?”

    The question seem rather unusual to Karl, but Dr. West looked to have expected something like that. “Most of his patients were referrals from other doctors. If a neurosurgeon didn't think they had what it takes to help them they might send them over to Stephen. There were a few times when someone came in and needed immediate treatment, and he came in for some of those. But Stephen always had the final say in who he saw. Time could play a role, but he would always boast about how he could do so much more as long as he had no downtime. If he put in too many hours sometimes the board would tell him to stay away for a while. You can guess how long that would last.”

    Kaecilius asked “Why would the board do that?”

    “Fear of lawsuits. A tired doctor's one who can make more mistakes. And given how important their precious Dr. Strange was to them, there was no way they could risk anything. So he got the VIP treatment.” Dr. West was sneering as he spoke.

    Karl now didn't know what to think of the facts being related. Clearly Dr. West held a high level of jealousy towards what Stephen had been able to accomplish, and his words made that clear. Having his feelings leak so much into his testimony made things a lot shakier than they had been. To start with, Stephen was being described as someone who would rank at the idea of being kept from his job for any period of time. Karl could attest to that; he'd felt bad about not being able to work when he was being treated for STDs at times! Then why was Dr. West acting like it was some kind of privilege to be made to stay away from his surgical practice? Projection? He wished he didn't have to work so much, so he thought Stephen must feel the same way.

    He went on. “I still remember one time that he declined to perform surgery on an elderly woman. 'Do you want me to lose my perfect record?' he said. That should tell you a great deal about how he perceived his patients. They weren't really human to him. Just things that could be used to further his own agenda. It was just one of the many things I saw that led me to believe the man was incapable of empathy.”

    “Did you ever get a chance to see how i-he interacted with people outside of the workplace?” He'd nearly slipped up again. Karl wished that if Kaecilius were to call Stephen by that term again the judge would step in.

    “Stephen was never one for hanging out with people after work. But I can tell you about the number of people he ended up seeing in some way. I can think of at least twenty people who either went out with him once or hooked up with him at some point. In his defense, I can say that if he was in some kind of relationship with anyone he would stay with them until they broke up, but I can also only think of one or two times he was seriously seeing anyone. That attitude drove a lot of people crazy. I know I thought the only reason he never got around to settling down is because it was just too much fun to play the field. Now I guess that's not really a bad thing in and of itself, but I also noticed how other people might have felt about him. He never even tried to have a real relationship with someone who cared about him. And that just made me angry.”

    Kaecilius continued to smile as he listened to Dr. West. Karl wished he could wipe the smile off his face. He recalled when Stephen had said he had been made to talk about his prior sexual encounters during some of their times together. Even without the details, Kaecilius was likely deriving a sick pleasure from hearing this. He nodded and went on. “So you would say he showed no signs of being able to commit to anyone in any way.”

    “No, he didn't. I was so shocked when I heard Stephen had a child, I nearly fainted. First of all I can't imagine him staying with anyone for long enough to even realize that they might be pregnant, and second I see no way that he could ever be trusted to take care of a child for any time. While I must say I never saw anything that led me to believe he disliked children, I also know that children require so much love and attention. How can you respond to the needs of a child if you don't ever think about what other people feel?”

    He was absolutely correct in that. Karl could look to his own upbringing as being a good example of what might happen when someone who didn't think about anyone else became a parent. The bigger issue was if that was the case in regards to Stephen or not. Everyone he knew who had seen him taking care of Donny could say that his son was by far the most important person in his life. Karl knew that no one from Stephen's old life had seen him since some time before Donny's birth, so Dr. West was merely guessing on what he thought Stephen might be like as a parent. He hoped Lily would be able to work with that.

    “With Dr. Strange's personality, how would you expect him to be as a caretaker of a child?”

    Lily jumped in. “Objection, asking the witness for something outside their expertise.”

    “Sustained. Mr. Sorenson, please remember your witness has no training in child development.” Judge Parker had a very displeased look on his face as he spoke.

    Kaecilius for his own part looked like he wanted to say something, but remained silent. Karl almost wondered if he was going to ask another question. The silence was broken by him asking “What would be the dominant traits you would say Dr. Strange possesses, in your experience.”

    “Arrogant beyond measure. Completely incapable of empathy. A drive to succeed, although that normally led him to run all over everyone. And hedonistic. Knowing what he's been up to over the last few years doesn't surprise me at all.” Dr. West looked so smug as he spoke that Karl wanted to be sick.

    Lily almost looked like she would speak up again, but remained silent. He turned to her and whispered “Why didn't you say anything?”

    “I'm guessing Kaecilius is wrapping up things with this witness. So I think it might be better to let this one go. Of course, I will be asking him how he came about the knowledge of Stephen's work after he became homeless. It's not too hard to figure out who told him that – but if Kaecilius is acting in good faith with his witness why would he need to know? And think about it from a logical perspective: how would you feel if someone told you about how a person you didn't like very much was forced to engage in prostitution in order to survive?”

    She made sense. “I don't think I would be too happy. And I would wonder about the motives of the person telling me.”

    “Exactly! What can you say about someone who apparently isn't at all phased by hearing about what happened to Stephen? I hope that I can really ask some questions here, show Kaecilius he made a major mistake bringing this guy in.”

    While they had been speaking, Kaecilius had asked Dr. West another question. The exact wording neither one had heard, but the jist of it could be inferred. “Well, I can safely say I never saw Stephen look concerned about what might happen to his patients. There was only confidence, never any doubt about how he would make everything right. He spent far too little time trying to ease the worries of whoever he was treating. Especially nowadays, when everyone can gain access to so much information from so many sources, you need to spend time with the people you are treating. It was a disgrace that Stephen did not spend more of his time doing so.”

    “Would you say that impacted his ability as a medical professional?”

    “In terms of his producing results, no it did not. But in terms of how I would recommend him to others, then it did. I went as far as to tell people sometimes that unless your problem was so great that only Stephen Strange could be expected to help you out, then don't bother to go and see him. Otherwise, you would end up regretting it.”

    Kaecilius brought his questioning to an end. “No more questions.” He'd forgotten to address Judge Parker as he returned to his seat – or more likely, he was just trying to find a somewhat acceptable way of demonstrating his annoyance with being called out on his questions. There was clearly an aura of barely-concealed disdain marking his every more, and Karl wondered if that would be useful or just a side note.

 

* * *

 

    Kaecilius was not all that pleased with how his latest witness had been on the stand. He'd been able to tell fairly early on from meeting Nic West that the man was still brimming with jealousy over how he had been upstaged by Stephen Strange. He'd tried his best when questioning him to steer away from the topic of how it was at medicine, but the idiot had ended up saying far too much about how hard it worked and the dedication it had. Not good at all.

    He still felt fairly confident about the case. Sara had been much more nervous following Dr. Sofen's testimony, and had asked him “Why couldn't she just say that that man was a sociopath like she told me he was? That would make things so much easier for us.”

    “Because she never got a chance to speak with it. For any psychiatrist, it's considered a bad thing to make judgements about any particular diagnosis unless you have actually met with the person in question. So while Dr. Sofen could point towards the traits Strange has, she couldn't do more than that. But remember, the doctor they have coming in for them never met you either. So if he says something I will destroy him on the stand.” She had been visibly relieved after hearing that, so he chalked that up as a win.

    The first time he'd met up with Lily Tate in court she'd been younger than she was now. Her role in that case had been limited to gathering information, with no chances to examine witnesses. Because of that, Kaecilius had come into the hearing without really knowing what she was capable of.

    Nothing he'd seen from her made Lily a serious threat, but she did know her way around a courtroom. She was always prepared and could think quickly on her feet. Kaecilius did not think she was nearly as adept as he was, but she certainly could hold her own. He actually preferred someone like that as opposed to an attorney that was easily cast down; it made things a lot more fun.

    Right now standing before Dr. West, Lily paced for a moment before asking her first question. “Dr. West, for how long did you work with Stephen Strange?”

    “The period we worked together was around two and a half years. Before that I was employed at a different hospital.”

    He had to wince as he heard him say that. Kaecilius had looked into the background of his witness prior to deciding to bring him on the stand, and he knew what had led Nic to find employment elsewhere. He'd been involved in a lawsuit related to him having left the operating room at some point during a minor surgery, which had ended up with multiple complications. Nic had told him about what happened, saying that he was only gone for a minute and that most of the trouble had come from the infections the patient had developed following the surgery. From the reading of the lawsuit in question, that didn't seem too far-fetched. But the public had heard of the doctor who had left the room, and the hospital hadn't wanted to deal with more controversy during the whole fiasco. (Kaecilius also privately wondered if the infection might have come about because when Nic left the sterile room and came back he brought in something that shouldn't have been there. In the end, there was no way of knowing.) The whole issue wouldn't have been a concern as long as it wasn't brought up. So why had the man been so colossally stupid as to mention that he'd left another hospital and leave it open as to why he'd done so? He hadn't thought it would be necessary to tell him not to speak about his previous job, but apparently he was stupider than he'd thought.

    In all honesty, if he'd been able to find another one of the whore's former co-workers he'd have stayed away from Dr. West. Jealousy could be useful as a weapon in the courtroom, but only if you knew how to use it properly. Keeping his testimony towards how many times it had taken advantage of others and had shown its arrogance would have worked very well, but Nic had ended up praising it accidentally. Bad all around. Yet he had gotten the cold shoulder from all the other people who might have been sources of information, save the woman who had backed out after she had been asked more personal questions. So with no other way to turn, Kaecilius had brought him in.

    Just as he knew she would, Lily went forward with the new avenue. “Can you tell me why you left your previous position?” She had to know, of course. No one ever tried to ask a witness a question unless they already knew the answer, if they were any good. His mind began to shift towards damage control.

    Dr. West seemed to be fairly sheepish as he said “I was involved with a lawsuit against the hospital and they felt having me around would cause too much trouble from that point onward.”

    “What did that lawsuit entail?”

    “A patient went in for minor surgery and suffered several complications from infection afterwards. Since I at one point had left the room, I was singled out for blame in the matter. But there were so many different people who had contact with them that I felt I was scapegoated by the board in this case.”

    “How did you get a position where you are now, if you had that black mark against you?”

    “I had gone to school with a member of the facility there, and she decided to give me a second chance. I was told that I needed to be on my best behavior there, however.”

    Lily nodded. “You mentioned earlier that Dr. Strange had lectured you about skipping steps during a complex procedure. Do you think your history might have caused him to look at what you may have missed more harshly?”

    “No, because he was always saying things like that to anyone he worked with. No one else could ever do anything right for him.”

    “Right. Is it possible that Dr. Strange had such high standards because he knew what might be at stake if he did not hold to such standards?”

    “That may be possible. But there was no excuse for always being such an asshole about it. The level of disdain I saw from him was always far greater than any you might have earned in some way.”

    “Even when the stakes might have involved people's lives?”

    “I never saw Stephen care about the lives of the people he was treating at any time, just how he could be the best at this.” Kaecilius wanted to yell at him to stop deflecting; it wasn't helping anything right now.

    “By working on the cases and patients he did, would you not say that that in and of itself shows some degree of caring?”

    “No, I would not. Most people would expect a doctor to want to try and help them out. To show true compassion, you need to go beyond just working on their case.” Dr. West had earned back a small amount of respect from Kaecilius by how he was handling the questions. His most recent answer made a great deal of sense, and he knew that it had almost certainly never done anything beyond work with patients. He'd on a few occasions had asked about the life it had led before, and still smiled at the memory of it telling him how he lost a patient.

    “ _Now tell me. Who was responsible for that?”_

_A downward glance. “I was. I did it.”_

    His reverie was ended by Lily asking her next question. “You spoke of a case that Dr. Strange did not take involving an elderly woman. According to you, he did not wish to ruin his perfect record, correct?”

    Nic looked like he didn't know where this was going. “Yes, that would be what he said.”

    “In spite of his words, do you feel that his decision not to perform surgery may have come from the idea that it had a greater chance of doing harm than it did of fixing anything?” He may have been in opposition to her, but Lily's ability to keep her composure was something Kaecilius admired. Part of him almost wished she'd gone to work with him, but he guessed she wouldn't have fit in to his firm very well.

    “If that was the case, he should have said such. His words indicated that his only consideration was for his success rate, so I took it to mean he was not interested for that reason.”

    “Would you have asked any other doctor to explain their words if they said something similar?”

_Say no_ , Kaecilius tried to will to him. Dr. West didn't answer right away, and he knew that the honest answer for him would be a yes. He just wanted him to get on with it and lie. Lying was serious business in court, but this was one of those things it would be very hard to actually prove was a lie. The final answer was “Perhaps, depending on the doctor.”

    “What would make you ask?”

    “If I knew that they made a habit of taking on challenging cases. Then I would want to know what might make this one different.” A good save.

    “So would you then say that Dr. Strange only took cases that were simple to work with, then?”

    A pause. “He took cases that he felt would demonstrate his abilities as best as he could.”

    “And by your own testimony he felt that his abilities were far above the norm, correct?”

    “Yes, he believed that to be the case.” Kaecilius would have objected if he thought there was anything in Lily's questions to object to. Unfortunately, your witness being an idiot wasn't something you could raise a fuss about.

    “If I am taking you at your words, then you should have inquired more about why he did not wish to perform surgery in this case since you knew he took on cases that were seen as challenging. Can you give me a reason why you did not do so?”

    The best outcome here would be some answer that placed the focus back on how the whore acted during its first life. He wasn't sure that Dr. West could do that, because by the look on his face he knew what the real reason he hadn't asked was. His eventual response was “I felt his past behavior spoke for itself.”

    Lily opted to change subjects now, having planted a seed of potential jealousy in the mind of the judge. “You said that it did not surprise you that Dr. Strange was involved in his line of work after he became injured. May I ask you how you came to know what he was doing? Did you have any contact with him afterwards to learn this?”

    “I have not seen or spoken with Stephen Strange in over seven years now.”

    “Then how did you learn what he had been doing? You had to come up with the information somehow.”

    She had to know that Kaecilius had told him. He'd intended to use it to judge whether or not he thought that Nic West would be sufficiently sympathetic towards his case. If his reaction had been to express some foolish empathy, then he might not want to talk about how it would be a bad influence on any child. Even though Nic appeared to be firmly on his side in regards to the issue, Kaecilius had still told him to not say anything while they were in court. His mention of how it had gotten by was so brief he'd almost thought that Lily might not have even noticed it, yet her questions showed otherwise.

    “I was told by someone that Stephen had resorted to engaging in prostitution in order to get by.” He licked his lips a few times while he spoke.

    Lily raised an eyebrow. “Who was it who told you that?”

    “A person I have some acquaintance with.” By now Kaecilius would have just told him to come out and say it – it looked very bad if it seemed like you were trying to hide something. Everybody had probably guessed how he knew, so it wouldn't make things worse by saying it outright.

    “Is that person someone who is in the courtroom today?”

    No answer. Dr. West showed more and more signs of nerves as he looked around, trying to keep his eyes away from her.

    “Dr. West, you are under oath. I am going to ask you one more time: is the person who spoke to you about Stephen Strange here in the room today?” Her expression was grim, and her words were clear. There was no getting out of this one.

    He placed one of his hands on his face. “Yes.” There was nothing more to be said.

    Sara turned to him with a concerned look on her face. “This isn't good Mr. Sorenson, is it?”

    “No, it's not. But there are some good things here. Lily has shown that Dr. West may be distorting his past memories due to his jealousy of it. If that's true, then everything he said about how it worked hard is also suspect. In my experience, Judge Parker tends to tune out what someone is saying if he feels they are being dishonest. I believe our upcoming witnesses are going to be more helpful than Dr. West turned out to be.”

    Sara smiled her normal overly formal smile. “My friend is waiting for you to call her. I know she'll have only good things to say about me.”

    If her friend hadn't been so positive, then she wouldn't have been summoned all the way from Germany. He had three such friends who were going to testify as need be, but he hoped just two would be enough. A third person talking about how Sara Krowler was certain to be a great parent would seem like overkill. But who knew how things would work out?

    The one person he'd most wanted to get into the hearing was one Sheila Johnson, the woman who was listed as being the mother of its son. Kaecilius hadn't had any luck finding her in the area, although he'd gotten word of a potential match somewhere. There were records of a homeless woman who'd used the name Starla having been roaming around the city around the same time the boy would have been conceived, but all traces of her had stopped shortly after the birth of the child. Kaecilius was pretty certain this was the woman he wanted, but given that she wasn't found in any records over the last few years and the indications he'd gotten that she was a drug user he doubted she was even alive now. He would have loved to have shown that it had cruelly wrenched a helpless baby from its mother's eager arms, but without the mother the narrative could not take hold.

    Lily kept on questioning Dr. West. She asked questions about whether or not its work ethic would show a necessary commitment to a child, about what patients had said about their treatment by it, and ended her questions by asking “If you were to take away your own feelings about him, how would you say Stephen Strange performed as a medical professional?”

    Dr. West sounded utterly defeated. “As a doctor, I would say he was first-rate.”

    Lily raised one side of her mouth. “No further questions, your Honor.”

    Recess was then called, and Kaecilius pulled Dr. West aside as he was leaving. “Your performance today was abysmal. I hope that your stupidity has not cost us anything, or you will pay dearly.”

    There was no answer, merely a startled expression before he scurried away. Kaecilius watched his departure with a sneer. Foolish man.

    Time to prepare for his next witness. He knew that he had overcome even worse performances by witnesses in other cases, so one bad one wouldn't mean certain doom. And soon he could work his magic on the other side, and watch as their case fell apart around them. Once the idea of hurting Karl in such a way was painful, but he'd thrown his lot in with the whore.

    Now all he was worthy of was scorn. And before too long, he would either lose it or his brat of a daughter. A choice that filled him with a sick pleasure.

  
  


 


	33. Changing the Roster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily meets with Stephen and Karl to talk about changes in what they will present. Donny doesn't want her around, and Stephen contemplates further actions.

    The second witness of the day was the simplest of all the ones they'd had before. A friend of Sara's, she was there mainly to talk about good she knew Astrid would be treated if she went to live with her grandmother. Kaecilius hadn't had to ask any difficult questions, and Lily in turn was somewhat more gentle than she had been with her prior attempts at cross-examination. The main thrust of her questioning had been on what had happened during Karl's childhood, and how much of the hands-on work of raising him had fallen to either his grandfather or had been done at the schools he had gone to. The defense for Sara in regards to that was that most of the families that had titles similar to hers did the same. Since Lily knew that Karl most certainly did not raise his daughter like that, she let such remarks slide for now, knowing that when her witnesses took the stand a different philosophy on child-rearing would be put forward.

    And now the day was over and done. Lily was planning to go to Karl and Stephen's home tonight for dinner, because she wanted to talk a little bit about what was going to be coming up soon. Karl asked her as she gathered her bags “Do you think things went well today? I thought that Dr. West didn't do as well as he could have. But he did say a lot of negative things about Stephen. How bad is that?”

    “I think the biggest problem he had was bringing up matters that didn't help. I knew about what had happened in his previous job – you have to research your witnesses ahead of time. But until he said he'd left a prior position I could not say anything about what happened. Kaecilius should have told him to never even think about saying it, but he did. That let me challenge the idea that Stephen was harsh on him just because he didn't want anyone else to be as good as him.”

    They were walking out to their cars, and Karl then added “How many more witnesses do you think Kaecilius will end up calling?”

    “Not counting your mother and grandfather? I'd say one or two. I know from Christine that he wasn't able to get more people to come in and talk about Stephen during his surgical days, so that curtails the list a bit. I'm sure he'll have more people come in to talk about how great your mother will be, but you don't want to have ten people testifying to the same thing essentially. Everybody would get sick of it pretty fast, and it looks like you don't have any other ideas of what to do there.” She shifted her briefcase, and went on. “I also want to put a proposal out to Judge Parker.”

    “What kind of proposal is that?”

    “I would like to ask that the court appoint a guardian ad litem for Astrid. In cases like this that's not always done, but an independent voice is something that will be helpful for all of us.”

    Karl looked somewhat confused. “What is a guardian ad litem?”

    “A court-appointed advocate for a vulnerable person in a legal battle. Normally they are appointed to represent children, although others can be in need of their services. Looking at what we've got on both sides, we have several people saying that she's better off with one person or the other, but all of these people are coming out via the ones who first brought them here. The guardian would only be beholden to the court itself, so they could go about this with a neutral eye.”

    “Do you think that a guardian would work in our favor?”

    “I think that if your mother ends up acting like you've told me she's done in the past the odds are pretty good a guardian would speak in favor of you. They might have concerns about Stephen, but I also think they might not think the concerns warranted a change in custody at this time.”

    She didn't think her answer was the one he wanted, but it was the truth. Just the risk of what harm might befall Astrid by living with Stephen wasn't enough. There had to be a risk of harm that was also great enough to make a change of custody the best option for the child. Lily had seen cases where it was clear that the current living situation was not the best for children, but because the harm caused was not seen as being bad enough to justify a change nothing was done. She did remind him “I know that you think that Stephen's not going to cause any kind of problems for Astrid, and I agree with you in the essence of that. But she is being exposed to a situation where she is dealing with someone who has some serious problems. That is going to create challenges for her. Are they the kind that we should try to keep children away from at all costs? No, but ignoring them isn't going to make things any better.”

    Karl was silent. He looked upset to have heard what she was saying.

    Lily went on to clarify. “Would you not agree with me that if a parent brings in a new person into a child's life, and that person has cancer, that they will not experience some effects from that? It's the same with any health issues. The big thing for me here is that no one would think you were being a bad parent if you were seeing someone with cancer. Why should we think differently about mental health? Unless we had a situation where Stephen was talking about harming Astrid or had hurt others in the past his mental health shouldn't be the deciding factor in the harm that might be caused.”

    Karl finally seemed to understand. “What about how he was earning a living?”

    “Well, come on. Is he actually going out and selling himself right in front of Astrid? She would have had no idea unless her grandmother hadn't told her in an oblique manner. And there are plenty of children living with a parent who's involved in sex work in some way today. Guess how many of them are getting taken away?”

    Karl shook his head. “I'm sorry. This is just so hard for me to handle right now.”

    “I can't blame you. Even when someone has been warned again and again to change their behavior or they will lose custody of their child it's normally a difficult experience to see them threatened with it. I thought that if the person involved deserved to have their child taken away it wouldn't be so hard to see, but I turned out to be wrong there. With you, I feel like I should be able to do more.” Lily hadn't known what she would end up thinking of Karl or Stephen before she met them. It wasn't essential to like your clients in order to work with them. Sometimes, you could think they were a big jerk but still have a valid case to be made. In the case of Karl, he had been instantly likable, the kind of person who grew on you without too much effort. He reminded her of more than one member of her own family. Stephen had been more of a challenge to warm up to, because he was so withdrawn at times. Lily was a fairly extroverted person, so when someone didn't engage with her she didn't feel the same kind of connection she could with more outgoing people. But it hadn't been too long before Stephen showed flashes of what he might have been if life had not placed so many challenges before him. That made her feel almost as close to him as she did to Karl.

    “It's hurting everyone now. Astrid has trouble falling asleep, and she keeps asking me if Mother has wanted to see her again. She's so afraid of that. Stephen's been having more nightmares, and I've seen him just break down in tears because he's worried about what might happen. I hoped Donny would get through this with less trauma than the rest of us, but he's now asking if there's a chance someone will want to take him from his father. I've told him no one is going to try and do that, but he shouldn't have to worry about it in the first place. And I can't sleep at night. I keep getting up and not falling back asleep for a long time, if at all. We're all falling apart in some way. I just want this to be over with. Sometimes I wonder even if the outcome was bad if I would still feel relieved in a way.”

    “That's such a common feeling. You want the stress over this to end in some way. And I think you know if we did lose we would appeal.”

    Karl had a pleading look on his face as he asked his next question. “Be honest with me, Lily. What do you think our chances of winning are now?”

    She had to think. “Right now? About sixty percent or so. Kaecilius is very good, and even today he took a rather weak witness in Dr. West but managed to bring up some valid points about what Stephen may have been like before he got hurt. Since we haven't been able to present any of our witnesses yet, this stuff is going to stick in Judge Parker's mind for a while longer. Also, more of the negatives we have going for us are going to come out here. Yes, your mother is a murderer – but with absolutely no proof of that we can't just go and bring it out in court. That means it's a bit harder to explain why you don't want Astrid to spend time with her. I do think our odds will go up once we start presenting our own case.”

    Her words were enough for now. “Well, I can't wait to see you later. I hope you like what we're having for dinner tonight.”

    “And what would that be?” Lily asked in a teasing voice.

    Karl returned her mirth by smiling and saying “You'll see when you get there. Don't want to ruin the surprise now, would we?”

    “Then I can't wait. See you later, Karl.”

 

* * *

 

    Astrid had wondered earlier if she should put on a dress or something else nice, instead of her school clothes. Daddy's lawyer was coming to have dinner with them, and she thought that this might be one of the times you needed to dress up. But nobody told her she had to change, so she stuck with what she had on.

    Dinner was going to be really nice. They were going to have a pot roast that Stephen had found the recipe for, and it smelled real good. She hoped Lily would like it, too. She had a nice name. Astrid had asked her about it, and she said the name had come from part of her mother's name. She'd asked Daddy where _her_ name came from, and he said that he'd seen it in a book somewhere and liked it.

    Stephen was walking around, looking scared. His hair was still wet from taking a shower a little while ago. Donny had asked him why he was doing that. “Didn't you take a shower in the morning?”

    “I did. But I want to make sure I'm all clean for when Lily comes to see us. You need to look good for visitors.” Astrid didn't know if that was true. She knew that Stephen took more than one shower a lot, and Daddy told him that he was already clean and didn't need to take more. But she wasn't sure that was something she could ask about. You couldn't always get answers to your questions, like when she wanted to know why she'd never seen her grandmother before. Daddy had said he'd tell her when she was older, which wasn't really an answer.

    Donny had been playing in his room, but he'd come out now. “Is the lawyer lady here yet?”

    “No. Daddy's not here either. Did he tell you if he was okay, Stephen?” She knew they'd been talking earlier.

    “There's a lot of traffic right now. I think that's why Karl's not here yet. If it gets close to seven and he's still not here, I'll try and call him again.”

    Donny didn't look happy. “Do you think he's okay? Maybe he had an accident. What if he's hurt?” Astrid got a funny feeling in her stomach when he said that. Donny talked a lot about stuff that worried him now, like what if someone came and took him from his daddy. He'd even cried a little bit about it when he told Astrid. It made her sad too.

    Thankfully the door opened and Daddy came in. “Sorry if I'm late. There were a lot of other people trying to get home tonight. Dinner smells good. You look worried, Don. Are you nervous about meeting Ms. Tate?” Daddy now sometimes called Donny Don the way Stephen did. It sounded nice.

    “I got scared when you weren't here. I thought something bad might have happened.” Donny still sounded a bit scared, even though he knew now nothing bad had really happened.

    “I'm here now, so you don't need to be scared anymore.” He was looking at Stephen now. “How were things today?”

    “The same, I suppose. Took a little nap, since I didn't get back to sleep after what happened.” 

    Astrid wondered what Stephen was talking about. She knew he had bad dreams sometimes, because she'd heard Daddy talking to him afterwards. A couple times she'd heard him yelling. She could guess that the dreams were about those bad things people had done to him before. Now that her grandmother was trying to take her away she had dreams about that, too. She tried to ask Daddy if she was trying to see her again sometimes. The answer was always no, but Astrid promised if it wasn't she would go hide. Where, she didn't know.

    Daddy sighed. He looked sadder a lot more now. Everyone kind of did, and she wished that her grandmother would understand that. “At least you got some more sleep. How was school today, Astrid?”

    “Okay.” School felt a little harder now. If she was going to have to leave her school and go live in Germany, then it didn't matter if she did her work or not. But if she didn't do her assignments she felt bad. Astrid ended up doing her work, but she didn't always try as hard as she had before.

    “That's good.” There was a knock on the door. “That must be Ms. Tate. I'll let her in now.”

    Astrid had only met Ms. Tate once for a little while. She'd talked about how she was going to help Daddy keep her, and what Astrid had to do. It wasn't too much. The first thing had been to meet with Dr. Warren and talk to her about Daddy and Stephen and what she thought of them. Daddy had come in once with her, too. A lot later on, she would have to talk to the judge about what she would like, but that wouldn't be 'til the very end. It meant she had to wait, and that was really hard. Sometimes she thought that if the judge would just talk to her first then it would all be over faster.

    “Hi, everybody. Glad to see you again, Stephen. You look very nice today, Astrid.” She looked at Donny, who had been staring at her since she came in. “And this must be Donny. I'm very glad to meet you.”

    “Hi, Ms. Tate.” Donny didn't seem like he really wanted to talk to her. Astrid decided to ask him about that when they were alone.

    Ms. Tate had a briefcase with her, and she was taking out some papers. “I've got a few things that I wanted to show you. Right here is the final report Dr. Drumm has written on Stephen's mental health. Everything's pretty much what we expected to see, so no surprises there. I'm expecting at some point soon that Kaecilius will be making an argument that we're hiding something by not having Stephen come into court, so I want to have the report handy even before I bring Dr. Drumm to the stand. I hope that would put an end to things.”

    Astrid knew that Dr. Drumm was the doctor who Stephen saw to help with his feelings. He'd come over to talk with Donny about some of the bad things that had happened to him. She hadn't met him, because she'd been visiting Julie then. Donny had said he seemed really nice, so that was good. The other name she knew was the one of her grandmother's lawyer, but she'd never seen him before. He didn't sound nice, and Daddy always had a funny look on his face when he talked about him.

    “The proposal you mentioned earlier – when are you planning to talk with Judge Parker about it?”

    “Tomorrow, hopefully. I'm counting on the witness we've got coming up being less of a challenge than the ones we had before. At least today I got to deal with someone who didn't perform to Kaecilius's expectations.” She laughed a little, and Daddy joined her. Stephen looked like he wanted to laugh a bit, but he didn't.

    He did end up asking “So who was it today?”

    “A former co-worker of yours. He talked about how self-absorbed you were, but he also said that he was jealous of you without outright saying it. And he did one really stupid thing. He brought up he'd left a previous position to go and work with you. Naturally, I asked him why. Got to bring out something Kaecilius wouldn't have wanted to be known there.” One thing Astrid noticed was that while most people who Ms. Tate mentioned were called by their last names, the other lawyer always had his first name used. It didn't seem right, but she didn't know why.

    “It was Nic, then. I'm surprised he brought that up. He always got upset if someone suggested he wasn't doing everything he should be doing. Funny thing was I didn't know anything about what had happened before until someone else said something. Bet he thought I was picking on him unfairly when he did something wrong. I did speak to him a lot more harshly than I should have, though. I don't want you to think I was really in the right in this case. That's not fair to anyone.”

    Astrid wondered what he was talking about. Ms. Tate just said “I think I have a good grasp on what happened between the two of you. So don't worry about it.” She still didn't know what they were talking about. The next thing didn't have anything to do with what she'd said before. “I have been going over the witness list, and there's one fairly major change I'd like to talk about with you now.”

    “What kind of change are you talking about? Is it just the order of witnesses, or something else?” Daddy was worried again, she could tell.

    “It's something else. I've been going over the notes I took when I spoke with Mr. Wong and I've decided that this time he would not be a good asset for us on the stand. I know this seems sudden, but I'm planning on talk to him later on tonight and explaining my reasoning here.”

    Stephen asked her “What's wrong with Wong? He's always been good to me, better than he ever should have. Do you think he's going to say anything that would be bad?”

    Astrid had only talked to Wong a few times. He'd babysat the one time, and had come over for dinner another time. She knew that Donny called him Uncle and liked him a lot, so she was pretty sure he was good. But Ms. Tate didn't sound like she was saying he was bad, just that he wouldn't do good.

    “There are a couple of reasons that I've decided on this. First is that he doesn't have much of a grasp on what your parenting is like, Karl. His experience is entirely in regards to Stephen's caring for Donny. This isn't bad, but remember we aren't actually bringing Stephen in here. By having Mr. Wong come and talk about him we open ourselves to questions about why if we are having people talk about Stephen's parenting then why aren't we having him come into court?”

    Stephen said “But what about Ms. Minoru? She's going to be talking about both me and Karl as parents. By my guess, that would be similar to having Wong talk about me. Right?”

    “It's different, because Ms. Minoru is just your child's teacher, while Mr. Wong is your friend. People would be more inclined to think he's making you sound better, while someone who has a professional role is going to be looked at in a more positive light. And then there's what might be said, and that's my second reason for keeping him off the stand.” 

    All this grown-up stuff made Astrid's head hurt. She hoped they would get to eat soon.

    “What might be said? You've said Wong would be someone who would praise Stephen's child-rearing abilities. Is there something that could go wrong with what he says?”

    Ms. Tate looked like she felt bad saying something when she said “As I said in the beginning, I was reviewing my notes from our talk. I asked him if he always looked after Donny when Stephen worked. And he told me no, that once Donny got a little older he was relied upon less than before. He said that Stephen would get Donny a meal at some fast-food place at times when he knew he wouldn't take too long. And that's not something I want coming out.”

    Stephen looked real upset now. Astrid wanted to hug him, but she'd been nervous about doing that ever since she tagged him. “I couldn't take him with me. People didn't want kids around unless they had bad ideas. But I couldn't impose on Wong too much – his boss at the library didn't always like having Donny hanging around. I didn't know what to do.” 

    Astrid was glad Donny was in his room now. She wondered if she should leave, but nobody was telling her to yet. And it was kind of interesting listening to what they were saying.

    “I certainly can't blame you for doing what you did, but Kaecilius would jump on that if he ever got word of it. It would be a sign that you had neglected your son in the past, which could in turn be used as proof you might do something similar with Astrid. Since none of our other witnesses are going to have any knowledge about that, the only way to be certain is to keep Mr. Wong from testifying.”

    It was funny how Ms. Tate kept calling Wong “Mr.”. He was a Mr., but Daddy and Stephen never called him that. She did wonder why he didn't have people call him by his first name. Maybe she could ask him next time.

    Now Stephen looked sadder. “It always comes down to what I've done. Sometimes I just wish I'd given up on trying to keep Donny once I started working.” Astrid didn't always like to hear it if Stephen talked about work. Ever since Daddy had told her what he did, she got all kinds of funny feelings. She still didn't understand why her grandmother thought that it was such a bad thing. True, it was bad to hear that Stephen had gotten hurt so much, but she wasn't sure that she knew all about that. If she did, then why didn't she feel bad about it too?

    Daddy ended up saying “I think dinner should be ready in a little bit. Let me go check.” He left, and Astrid decided to leave too.

    Her destination was Donny's room, where she could see him sitting on his bed with Mr. Stripes. “Daddy says we're going to be eating soon.”

    “Okay.” He still didn't sound very happy.

    Astrid asked him “What's wrong?”

    “I don't like having Ms. Tate here.” He kept pulling on his tiger's nose.

    “Why don't you?” She'd seemed like a nice person to her, but maybe Donny didn't agree.

    “Daddy gets upset every time he has to think about court. If she's here, they're going to talk about it and he'll feel worse. So if Ms. Tate doesn't come over, he doesn't have to think about it for a while. His doctor told me he feels sad a lot 'cause he's still sick. And I want him to get better.”

    Astrid wasn't sure what she could say. She didn't want Stephen to feel unhappy either, but she also thought that it was important for Ms. Tate to talk to everybody. What if because they didn't talk she ended up not being able to stay? “Maybe you should talk to Daddy or Stephen about that. It makes me sad if you aren't happy, either.”

    “I don't want to make them feel sad.”

    Astrid didn't have to worry about saying anything else, because Stephen came in right then. “I just wanted to tell you guys that dinner's ready. So come on and eat.”

    Stephen did look like he was kind of sad, but he looked like that a lot. So Astrid wasn't sure if Ms. Tate being there was what made a difference. Donny seemed to be a bit better after seeing him, though.

    She promised herself she wouldn't say anything about how Donny was feeling during dinner. He should be the one to talk about it. Astrid would feel bad if somebody else talked about her feelings if she didn't want to talk about them herself.

    That decision being made, they all went to the kitchen to eat.

* * *

 

    Stephen found himself mulling over Lily's words during dinner. He'd never thought about how people might think of what Wong was going to say in court, because he knew his friend was honest. The most important thing in court was to tell the truth, so if he did that should be okay, correct?

    Having to leave Donny when he worked was always something that bothered him. As a baby or toddler, his only option for child care had been to rely on Wong. In the first year or so, he'd normally tried to arrange to meet with connections during the evening so Wong would be free to watch him. As would be expected, this didn't always work out, so there were times when he left Donny at the library and hoped for the best. In hindsight, he wondered how he'd gotten away with doing that for so long.

    He knew damn well that it was neglectful to leave your child in a public place while you were going off and fucking strangers for money. And he also knew that it was even worse to bring your child along with you while you did something of that nature. No matter what he had done, it would always end up looking bad.

    Lily had said that none of the other witnesses would be able to talk about how he had neglected Donny in the past, but Stephen knew that wasn't true. He'd spoken about what he'd done with Donny with Dr. Drumm in the past. So they weren't entirely out of the woods. If they had been alone, he would have told Lily that, but the children were there and he had no desire to drag them into this.

    Donny had told Lily when they had sat down to eat “Are you going home soon?”

    Lily asked him in a curious tone “Why do you want me to go home?”

    “Because you make Daddy sad. I don't want him to be sad anymore.”

    Stephen had felt the need to jump to Lily's defense. “Don, Ms. Tate doesn't make me feel sadder. Sometimes I get worried about what's happening and how tough it is for Karl and Astrid.” He didn't say that things were tough for himself. It wasn't his place to take away the attention others deserved.

    Lily had added in some thoughts of her own. “I know it's scary with everything going on with Astrid and Karl right now. Maybe seeing me makes you think about all that a lot more. And I can see why you wouldn't want to have your daddy thinking more about all that's happening. I'm sorry this is bothering you so much.”

    Lily had said in the past she had no children, but she had to have some experience in dealing with them in order to say something like that. It worked a sort of magic on Donny, causing his face to lose some of the tension that had been there before. “Not your fault. Sorry, Ms. Tate.”

    “You don't have to be sorry, Donny. Even if you don't like me that's fine. My job here isn't to make you like me – it's to help Karl out when he has to go to court. You can't always say or do what you want, but you can have feelings about things. Those are okay.”

    Donny went to eating his dinner. Stephen doubted he thought very highly of Lily right now, but he didn't seem to find her presence a problem anymore. He was a bit shocked that he had come out and asked her such a thing. One of the biggest things he had tried to convey to his son was the importance of always being polite to people. When you were living on the streets, it mattered that you always made the best impression possible. People were already going to give you disapproving glances if you showed up somewhere wearing clothes that weren't completely clean, or had holes in them. The best chance you had to be accepted was to act as politely you could. Donny didn't need any other problems coming up in his life, not with the ones he had just from how he was born.

    Donny had even been polite to his first connection. Most of the time, if for some reason a connection ended up encountering them somewhere he was told to get lost while they spoke with Stephen. The first one was a little different. He hated Donny, but he also got a bit of a kick out of talking to him, making vague references to what he and Stephen had been doing, even if Donny didn't understand it. He still felt glad that it hadn't been until Dr. Drumm came and spoke to him that Donny had learned the awful truth.

    Well, dinner turned out to be pretty good. Stephen hadn't had a chance to make a meal for a long time now, and especially not one like this one. Everything he'd made for Donny had been simple things that took little time to prepare or cook. With all of the problems Karl was having now he had made a vow to try and do more for him. Making dinner had been the first thing he had thought of when Dr. Drumm had told him to do something for someone else, but this time he had prepared himself before starting, to avoid the disaster the last attempt had been.

    Besides Wong not being put on the stand, the only other thing that had come up was Lily's plan to get a court-appointed advocate for Astrid. “The case is best served by getting a neutral party here. Even if I believe our experts are among the best at their positions – and I do believe that – they are still on our payroll, just like Kaecilius's experts are. The central issue here isn't about who has the best talking heads. It's about what should be best for Astrid. Someone needs to have that as their first priority.”

    It made sense, although neither Donny nor Astrid really understood what was happening. The very best they had been able to do was to tell Astrid there was a good chance she would be speaking to someone else about the case. “Like Dr. Warren?” she had asked.

    “Similar to her. But this person isn't going to be a doctor, just someone who's job it is to listen to children.” Karl, not Lily had been the one to tell her that. Stephen suspected Karl felt more comfortable telling his daughter what might be happening than having a third party do so.

    And now Lily had left, and it was just him and Karl. Astrid and Donny had gone to bed, and Stephen wasn't sure he wanted to turn in quite yet. Sleeping just meant more nightmares than not lately, so what was the point? Since he'd started taking his medicine it was a lot easier to sleep, but there were the dreams to think about here. Being tired was the end result no matter what choice was made.

    At least Karl didn't seem to be too upset. He'd been having his own problems sleeping lately, at times leaving their room to go to his office. Stephen doubted he was working on anything. Most likely he was just trying to get his mind off all of the trouble the court case was causing everyone.

    Stephen knew there was a way he could try and help Karl with all of the stress and tension in his life right now, but two things were keeping him from trying it. First, Karl had said in the past those things weren't necessary. Second and more importantly, he didn't know if he could go through with it. If he ended up passing out or having a reaction like when he was tagged it would just make things worse. 

    All he could do now was act as a silent support for the man he loved. It was a minute effort, but it was all Stephen was able to give.   
  


 


	34. Blood Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Family is brought into the courtroom, and Karl faces the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is the first one I've written that ended up being one big scene, so I hope it turned out well.

    As was expected, the next day's witness was another friend of Sara's. Her testimony was fairly similar to the previous day, but she had known her friend for longer and was therefore able to say more about what kind of person she was outside of being a parent. But this in turn led her to be challenged more on her statements. One of the things said that had made Karl end up smiling was when his mother's ability to hold a party was brought up as proof she would be capable of handling children, since both required organization. Even Kaecilius had to fight back a smirk after hearing that one.

    Lily had gone after that one very quickly, asking what on Earth was similar about holding a party versus raising a child. She'd then been forced to admit that they weren't very close “but I know Sara can handle anything that's thrown at her.” It had been an attempt at saving her testimony, but Karl doubted it had helped.

    While there was still plenty of time in the day, Kaecilius had surprised them both by saying that he would not be able to call his planned witness today. “Unfortunately he has experienced some obstacles towards arriving on time. You do have to understand that it is often a challenge to travel between countries, so I will not be able to place him on the stand until Monday.”

    Judge Parker had not seemed happy to be hearing this. “Mr. Sorenson, your witness has known for weeks that he was going to be called to the stand. Even if an exact date could not be given, there was still plenty of time to arrange for travel. This is the second time you have had a delay in bringing your witness forward. I am willing to let it slide this time, but if there are any other delays, regardless of the reason, I will be ordering you to rest your case and letting the respondent present theirs. I am certain that would give you enough time to get everything together. Am I making myself clear?”

    Kaecilius actually sounded meek as he said “Yes, your Honor.”

    With that, court was dismissed for the weekend. Lily had talked to him as they left, saying “Judge Parker almost never goes off on an attorney like that. Even if Kaecilius wasn't deliberately trying to gain an advantage by putting off calling people to the stand, it didn't come off that way to the judge. I always knew that the way he acted wasn't seen very highly by some of the judiciary, but Judge Parker is not impressed.”

    Karl had only been half-listening. Based on what Kaecilius was saying, he knew who the next witness would be. Who but his grandfather would need to travel across borders to get to court? 

    He wanted to let Lily know how dangerous the man could be. Krowler was unlikely to present any type of physical threat to her, largely because he almost never needed to use them but also because she had nothing he would desire to take. But the man knew how to find the cracks in your emotional armor, and break through them with a minimum of effort. If Lily went into this thinking she could treat him like any other witness, she would find herself on the defensive. His mother was much more likely to use her words to get you to go along with what she was saying, or just have you give in to avoid having everything you said twisted around to benefit her. He had a few memories of his father doing just that when they fought.

    It was a difficult decision, but in the end Karl said nothing of this to Lily. He did vow to speak to her at some point on Monday, however. She would at least have the weekend to relax a little.

    For himself, the weekend wasn't much fun. No one was in a mood to do very much, so they stayed home and waited. The biggest thing Karl did was to try and look into potentially finding a place to go on vacation later in the year, but he ended up discarding that when he realized that he still couldn't be sure that he would be taking four people with him on the trip. That only served to depress him even more, so he then ended up spending his time doing as many little things as he could to avoid the bigger issue in the background.

    It was Monday, it was the beginning of the day, and the first words out of Kaecilius's mouth that day were “Your Honor, I would like to call the Viscount Heinrich Krowler to the stand.”

    Karl watched his grandfather come to the stand with a mixture of emotions. He felt a great deal of uncertainty, since he wasn't certain what it was that Kaecilius was expecting here. Krowler had never seen Astrid, or had ever seen Karl interact with her. And furthermore, he knew perfectly well that his mother hadn't been any kind of real parental figure in Karl's life. Was he planning on lying? Or was there something about Lily he might try and use against them? He knew for a fact that by having certain pieces of information to hold against people Krowler had been able to purchase land he wanted or gain access to assets he needed. Lily didn't seem like the kind of person who would have something like that hanging over her, but who knew?

    Kaecilius started off slowly. “Viscount Krowler, you are the father of Sara Krowler, correct?”

    “I am indeed.” Krowler spoke with the aura of a man who was used to people paying attention to him, and managed to make a basic statement sound like it was something important.

    “Can you please tell me about what your daughter is like?” The question felt more like a statement – who had any doubt that he would end up describing his child in anything but a completely positive manner? Karl could feel his feelings of being on edge growing with each moment.

    “Sara was an obedient child. She never gave my wife or I a moment of trouble. If we asked he to do something, she would do it without even a moment of hesitation.”

    Including murder, Karl added.

    “Throughout her life, Sara has conducted herself as befits a person from her background. She knows she comes from noble blood, and acts in a manner becoming of someone who possesses such a heritage.”

    This still sounded baffling. Yes, he came from people who had titles. It wasn't something Karl saw as being particularly good or bad, just as a fact that existed. Being nobility wasn't something an individual could really control, so why was it so important to bring it up here? No court was going to rule a child would be better off just because their title was being acknowledged and treated like a big deal. (Part of Karl wondered if Astrid was even considered to be the next in line to the Mordo family's title. He had never bothered to look it up, seeing it as unimportant.) If Krowler thought all of this was going to make a difference, he was gravely mistaken.

    “What would you say are the most important things to remember for someone of your heritage?”

    “To always be dignified. When you are in public, you must realize that you are not only representing yourself, but an entire lineage. Doing something shameful will harm not only yourself, but your entire family.”

    “How would you say those qualities help in regards to raising a child?”

    “If you have ever seen how some children act in public, you would understand why respectful behavior must be taught. Over the years, I have seen the number of children who show no respect for their elders grow in number. How are they in turn to find work or to be able to properly function in society when they do not know their place or how to conduct themselves?”

    Two things stood out to Karl from his statements. He knew that respect for others wasn't just a function of who your parents were. Stephen had taught Donny very well how to be polite to those he met, and neither of them could lay claim to any noble blood. And then there was the idea that Krowler had taught his daughter anything approaching respect. His messages had been much more along the lines of how to  _look_ like you really appreciated others but when their back was turned to you it was then time to do what it was you really wished. Karl himself could remember being told that people were always fooled by a smile and polite words. 

    Of course, knowing that and being able use it were two very different things. If Karl were to have his grandfather questioned on whether or not he had told both him and Sara on how to use people, he would certainly deny it. With no proof he had ever done otherwise (such as some manner of recording) it would be useless to assert it. Karl could hear Krowler's voice saying “Are you accusing me of  _lying?_ ” in an indignant tone. That wouldn't be good at all.

    Kaecilius kept moving on. “Do you feel that Astrid has been raised in a manner similar to your daughter?”

    “I believe that she may have had some of these ideas imparted into her by her father. But Karl has been estranged from us for so long, it is unfortunately hard to tell what she has learned. Sara told me from the only time they were able to meet that Astrid did not appear to truly understand where she came from, although she did seem to conduct herself better than many other children. So I cannot entirely speak negatively about her upbringing. I hope that the lessons I imparted to Karl were received well enough to also be sent down through another generation.”

    Karl had his own memories of what he had learned from his grandfather. They had mainly been about what people wanted to see out of you. “As long as you are considered to be someone who is presentable, then you can do whatever it is you like. Appearances are everything.” The last part had never really come true for him, because so many of the things he wanted to try were deemed unacceptable for no real reason. To this day, he still couldn't really understand why wanting to try his hand at growing his own garden wasn't something that should be done by one of his birth. Instead he'd been forced into playing the piano, which he had always hated. What might Astrid be forced to give up if she were to go live with his mother and Krowler?

    “Can you tell me something about how Ms. Krowler raised her son?” Kaecilius had a smile on his face as he spoke. Karl didn't trust that smile.

    “Karl was always taught to have the utmost respect for those around him. Sara was certain to see that he went to the best schools, was able to engage in whatever hobbies he desired to, and that he always remembered where we came from. At times she had to encourage him to cease his attempts at friendship with other children who had not been subject to a similar manner of respect in their lives.”

    Karl couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to laugh or cry more. He'd  _never_ been allowed to maintain any lasting friendships outside of when he'd gone away to school and could count on having fewer pairs of eyes watching him. Until he was twelve, he had kept trying to make those school friendships persist even after the school term ended. But doing so led to his being removed from whatever school he was attending at the time. So he had eventually learned to keep from having anything more than casual contact with those other students. He suspected that was one of the reasons he had so few people he counted as friends now.

    And that was with people who either came from nobility or at least had enough money to mingle with them! There had been a period of time in his life when he had returned to Romania every summer for a period of time, and he had tried to play with Lilia, since she was one of the few people he really knew there. But Krowler had gotten more angry than Karl had ever seen him before when he saw the two of them together. “Trash”, “gypsy scum”, and “descendant of thieves” had been some of the  _kinder_ things she had been called, right to her face. Her grandmother had been referred to as “the Baron's whore”! The message had been sent to Karl, over and over: people like that are less than human. 

    He had once worked up the nerve to ask his grandfather about that. “People also say that my grandmother was no good because she was from Africa. How is that different than being Romani is?”

    Krowler had looked like he couldn't believe he was being asked such a stupid question. “Africa is a continent with so many different types of people that one cannot say that anyone is lesser just because they come from there. You've seen how those gypsies live here and elsewhere. It's the same story no matter where they go. There are no differences among them, which indicates a failure in their society that must be acknowledged.”

    The only thing Karl had seen that remained the same was the fact that so many people looked down on the Romani for reasons that he still did not understand. And his daughter counted half her heritage as coming from said people. He knew from what he had read on child development that it was harmful to tell a child that part of them was bad or that one of their parents was bad. The remarks he could remember hearing had hurt him enough, but they still hadn't affected him personally. Astrid would not have that luxury.

    “Everything you have said tells me that Mr. Mordo was given a great deal by you and your daughter. Yet you are not close today. May I ask what triggered this estrangement?”

    He took a moment to figure out what to say. “I sometimes wonder if some of the challenges we have had with Karl are because he never really rebelled against Sara or I during his adolescence. Not that I feel everyone needs to go through such a stage, but perhaps Karl was one of those people. He made the decision to go to college in the US, and that was the beginning of the end.”

    “Was it the distance between you that made things grow more tense, or were other factors involved?” Kaecilius was being deliberately oblivious here. He had been given the bare-bones story as to why Karl had no contact with his family, so going on like this was all a mystery to him rankled heavily.

    “I would say the distance may have played a small role. It was many months before we heard from him after he began his studies. The conversation we had at that time was brief and quite angry. The major focus there was on Karl not wanting to come home for Christmas, which hurt both me and Sara very much.”

    Karl had a very different set of memories about the conversation. Nothing about holiday plans had played a major role. The thrust of it, as best he remembered, had been on his father. He'd gone out and for the first time outright accused his mother and grandfather of murder. They'd naturally denied it, as any person would have. But by now Karl had looked into the matter and had found more pieces pointing towards his family than just the one overheard conversation. He'd learned that as he had suspected over the years his mother had not been faithful to his father during their relatively brief union, and while that wasn't really proof of any wrongdoing, in spite of what people normally thought, it did tell him things had not been happy. His grandfather had reacted to that piece of information with the nonchalant statement of “Perhaps he could have tried harder to keep your mother pleased. He never was able to do much with what he had. Isn't it better that someone who is worthy of his title and land now holds them?” Karl had responded with a few colorful phrases of his own, and had ended the conversation screaming about how they would both pay.

    “I can see why you might have felt hurt by such a thing. Did he ever speak to you about Astrid's birth, or that you were going to become a great-grandfather?”

    “No. I only learned of the latest member of the family via a friend of Sara's from Romania, who told her that she must be proud of her granddaughter. This was a shock to her, as she had no idea Karl was even seeing anyone. But how could she have known anything about what was happening with him? By that point it had been over six years since we had spoken. For all we knew he was married by then.”

    “Did you try to see Astrid after you learned about her birth?”

    “Sara did. She was so uncertain about the reception she might receive that she went alone. But she found herself turned away at the hospital. Ms. Calderu had apparently given the staff a list of people who could come and see her child, and neither of us were on it.”

    Lilia had been the one to limit the number of visitors Astrid would have just after her birth. She had not only been concerned for what might happen to her child, but also to herself. Knowing both what Karl's family thought of her as well as what they were capable of doing, who could have blamed her for taking extra measures to keep safe? Karl hoped that it might look like she was just a new mother who was being slightly paranoid over what may happen next, because otherwise there would be no easy answers they could give.

    “Did you ever get a reason for why this was the case?”

    “As far as I could tell, there was none.” Krowler shook his head, looking as if the cruelty of such an act was beyond him.

    “Were you able to at the very least send some manner of acknowledgment to your grandson in honor of his daughter's birth?”

    “No. We both spent a great deal of time looking for the best gifts to spend to Astrid, but they were returned to us without any note. I do not believe they had even been taken out of the packaging.”

    Karl guessed that the time that had been spent on finding the gifts had been just long enough to look up “baby supplies”, find the most expensive ones you could, and then send them to his address. Neither his mother or grandfather were stupid people – wouldn't it have occurred to them that Karl would have gotten a crib by the time Astrid was born? It was the usual type of gesture he could expect out of them: on the surface it may look good, but with any kind of thought you would realize how hollow it turned out to be.

    “So up until Astrid recently met her grandmother, there was no contact between you and Mr. Mordo, correct?”

    “We did send gifts to her on her birthday as well as Christmas. They all ended up the same way.”

    Kaecilius then went to the topic that was most concern: Stephen. “Viscount, may I ask you what you felt when you heard about the man in your grandson's life?”

    “I would like to say that the idea of Karl choosing to spend his life with another man means nothing to me. One chooses their own life, and as long as the man was one that came from a life similar to his own I would place all my blessing behind it.” _Liar_ , thought Karl. “But this man is not just an ordinary one. From what I know, he is a threat to the well-being of my great-granddaughter.”

    “What led you to that conclusion?”

    “I first began to look into him when I heard about his place in Karl's life.” Krowler took a different tactic in how he referred to Stephen than Kaecilius did. He addressed him as a person, not an object, but also did not give him the dignity of his own name being used. Kaecilius didn't have any problems calling Stephen by name, but made it clear when he spoke of him that he was not to be seen as fully human. Karl wasn't sure which approach was worse. “The biggest impression I got from learning about Dr. Strange was that he was narcissistic in the extreme. Everyone who knew him reported that he was so wrapped up in himself that it was impossible to like or respect him. Clearly this is not a quality you would like to see around any child.” 

    “Was that the only issue that concerned you in regards to Dr. Strange?”

    The question, at least in Karl's mind, bordered on hilarity. Everyone who was here had a basic knowledge of the case. They all knew about what Stephen had done, so what was gained by asking everyone about how they felt about that? He had to wonder if Judge Parker was getting sick of hearing people talk about how they felt on learning Stephen was a former prostitute.

    “Absolutely not, although that was one of the biggest ones at first. The second major issue I had was learning that the man was undergoing psychiatric treatment at the time and I believe is still currently. I have to wonder about the type of person who needs that kind of help. There may be times when one requires some manner of help – such as losing a spouse or child. Then I can understand why talking to someone may be of use. But otherwise it shows to me a weakness of one's mind.”

    Karl hoped that at some point Krowler would learn that his own grandson had also been in therapy. It would likely blow his mind.

    Krowler went on to elaborate. “In order to raise a child properly, one must be able to be firm in one's convictions. And in order to have that firmness, one must have a strong mind. Whether it comes from what has happened to oneself or if it comes from some internal cause, mental weakness is a sure sign of disaster in raising a proper child.”

    “Did you learn any other aspects that made you concerned for Astrid's welfare?” Karl just wanted to ask Kaecilius to come out and say outright what he was thinking here. 

    “His past history of working in an illicit trade. I must confess here that I find those who engage in selling their bodies to be morally repugnant. The act is degrading to oneself and to society as a whole. Intimate actions should be reserved for someone you are in a relationship with, not someone who you pay for. Someone who would do something like that would be sending a dangerous message to a child about what love and relationships are like. And the people who might seek out such a person are likely to be lacking in morals as well. What if they make an effort to seek out the person they used for such matters? How might that put a child at risk?”

    There was an sense of disconnect with the way Krowler kept talking about “a child” as opposed to using Astrid's name. What did he really think of his great-granddaughter? Karl also couldn't help but feel satisfaction over his grandfather's inability to use any words that directly talked about sex or prostitution. Other than a vague suggestion that he try and enjoy himself, his own sex ed had come from classes in school as well as books he picked up on the subject. His mother had been just as useless for any information, just telling Karl to “ask your grandfather”. He had always suspected Krowler had a streak of prudishness in him, and it almost felt good to know he was feeling so uncomfortable right now.

    Kaecilius went and asked another question. “Do you feel that pursuing such a line of work makes said person a danger to their future partners as well?” That one came as a bit of a surprise to hear. There had been nothing so far talking about how  _Karl_ might be harmed by having Stephen around. It shouldn't make a real difference in the end, because as an adult he had the ability to make his own choices. If Stephen was a danger to Karl, the law trusted him enough to be able to put an end to it.

    “Yes. There is the issue of what he might be spreading towards my grandson. Karl has normally shown a fairly good sense of judgement, but I believe he is not thinking clearly here. While his decision to keep his daughter from his only family is not one I agree with, in that case he is not doing anything harmful. Having that man warming his bed at night brings the risk of disease as well as dangerous people paying him a visit at some point.”

    “Like your lawyer?” Karl muttered to himself. It was hard to hear about the dangerous people that Stephen might be bringing into his home, while knowing that one of them was standing right in front of him now. (At least there was some acknowledgment that his clients were also doing something wrong, instead of all the blame being placed on Stephen.) And just like when they had spoken before, Krowler seemed to think that the only reason one would have a relationship with someone who had been involved in sex work was because of the physical elements they brought to the table. Right now, Karl was still waiting to see Stephen in an even partial state of undress, and he pretty much knew by now that he was going to be waiting a long time before things progressed to that point. He doubted that his grandfather would believe that if he told him, however. Although it was a bit humorous to realize the very proper Krowler was saying in essence that Karl was thinking with his dick.

    “Do you feel that your grandson might start to pay more attention to the needs of his partner as opposed to his daughter?”

    “If he has not already started to do so, then I believe he will at some point. There is something to be said about how easy it can be to convince someone to do things they may not normally do when you spend a great deal of time around them.”

    He was, of course, speaking from experience. Karl still remembered when he was taught that if you spent time around people, you could get them to see your perspective on things much more easily, especially if they were fond of you. He'd seen his mother do the same constantly, and when Karl had been a young child he had always thought Sara must have been a very nice person, because so many people did things for her. As he became older, the evidence that this was a lie mounted, but it wasn't until the fateful overheard conversation one day that he understood fully that his grandfather's words had been told to his mother as well. After many years of talking to Pat about the issue, Karl understood a little bit of why his mother had become who she was. So much of what your values turned out depended on the people around you, and he was able to look on his more positive influences as having helped him to learn that people were worth more than what they could give you in return. Had he not benefited from those influences, he probably wouldn't have turned out any better.

    That revelation didn't really make things any better between him and Sara, and he still found the way she acted intolerable, but Karl could say he at least saw her behavior as having a source instead of just coming out of nowhere.

    “Do you feel that even at your age you are capable of providing some level of care for Astrid, if the need arises?”

    “Yes, I do.”

    Karl thought Kaecilius might be wrapping things up with his witness. If Lily was right about how things were going to go, the only remaining witness for his side would be his mother. She'd speculated before that Sara would be held back as a witness until they had had the opportunity to present the majority of their case, so that she could react as best as possible. Karl turned to Lily to ask her “Do you still think that my mother is going to be held back until we've presented our case? If that's the case, what about when I testify?”

    “I'm leaning in that direction, but I'm still trying to be prepared for her to come up next. If she doesn't wait, then all I'm really doing differently is to make sure I'm ready to deal with her. Kaecilius is going to have to say if he's putting Sara on the stand after Krowler's done, so I won't have too long to wait. If we do have to wait for her, then I'm going to do the same in regards to you. We need to play the game just like they are right now.”

    Kaecilius had his final question asked to Krowler. “If you could say anything to your grandson right now, what would that be?”

    Krowler looked down and spoke. “I would ask him to please consider his daughter. If you are the only person involved, then what you do to ruin your life means less than it might otherwise. But Astrid is only a child. She has no say in what happens to her. The man you are with will only bring pain and disaster to your life. If you have any sense at all, either leave him or make sure Astrid is safe with us.”

    And what could you say to that? It sounded so right, like what you would exactly want to hear coming from a prospective caregiver of a child. If Karl hadn't known who was saying those words, he might have found himself agreeing. But he did know the man behind the words, and everything he did know told him the words were lies. If Astrid were the main concern, then by now either Sara or her father would have realized that the court case in and of itself was also a risk to her well-being. It galled him more than anything to know what harm was being done to his child in the name of a vague threat posed by Stephen and his past.

    Kaecilius appeared to be satisfied by the answer. “No further questions, your Honor.”

    Time for the expected break. Now that Karl knew more about what was going on, he had started bringing food to eat during the break period. He had no desire to run into either his mother or grandfather, and while he now doubted that Kaecilius would approach him again he didn't want to test his patience with the man.

    Lily this time also did not leave the room, going over something in a folder. He was curious as to what was keeping her busy, but knew that if she wanted him to know about it she would say something.

    He did ask her “Are you going to get something for yourself?” Karl wished he'd brought enough for Lily as well, but she'd always left the room prior to today to get lunch.

    “I'm not feeling like I could eat much right now. Almost everything Krowler said was perfectly tailored towards winning this case. I can see now how he managed to get most of what he has. Guess that first time I met him he was sizing me up by driving me crazy. Hopefully I'll be better prepared now.”

    “Almost everything? What part did you think wasn't working in his favor?”

    “When he talked about his child-rearing philosophy. Krowler came across as being far too rigid, and that's not something courts like to see. And that also ties into what he said about Stephen's mental state. It's hard to believe sometimes, but most people in the world are going to know someone who is dealing with mental health issues. When he said that he thought Stephen was weak-minded, I can imagine Judge Parker thinking about someone he might know who would be put under that umbrella. I can't say for certain that he's going to know someone who is struggling with their mental health, but the odds are pretty good. And there's something else I managed to find that's going to bring up a few questions.”

    Now that was something that got Karl's attention. “What?”

    “Just a few sentences that I'm willing to bet your grandfather didn't realize would come back to haunt him. Nothing that I'm willing to bet would cause him any kind of harm in his own circle, but might look differently to a judge in a family court hearing.”

    The way Lily was talking gave Karl an idea of what might have been said. If his suspicion was correct here, then he could see why Judge Parker might not be too happy to hear about it. But until it was time to put the issue in the open, it was only guesswork.

    So for now Karl just went back to eating, and waiting to see what would come next.   
  


 


	35. Words Ill Shared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily cross-examines her witness, a meeting is held with the judge, and Karl breaks down.

    Karl watched as Lily took a moment before asking her first question. “Viscount, may I ask you a few questions to clarify some things you said earlier?”

    Krowler looked to be about as thrilled as you would expect to be asked such a thing, but did go on and say “You may do so.” Not that he had a choice here.

    Lily smiled before speaking. “You said earlier that in order to raise a child properly, one must have a strong mind, correct? And that someone who has mental health issues shows a weakness in their mind, which would make them less capable of raising a child?”

    “That would be an accurate summary of my words.”

    “Viscount, do you know the percentage of people who will suffer from some manner of mental health issue in their lifetime?”

    It wasn't hard to know what he would say next. “I do not feel that a number would make a major difference in the facts.”

    “So you don't know, then. Would it surprise you if I said that twenty-five percent of adults in the US reported experiencing some type of mental health issue in any given year?”

    He didn't look to be particularly phased by the answer. “Given what I have seen of the people here, it doesn't surprise me that there are so many weak-minded individuals walking around today.”

    “Would it not be safe to say that a fair amount of those people are parents?” The choice made to ignore the remarks made by Krowler was interesting to Karl, and he hoped it would pay off in the end.

    “Perhaps. But that would not change how they are raising their children. I have seen very little evidence that there is a significant number of people who are willing to be properly firm with their children today. So your numbers would be well within the expected range in my eyes.”

    “I see.” From the tone of her voice, Lily did not see at all. “So let us say that whatever percentage of the population that both experience mental health issues and and are also responsible for the care of a child should not be in said position. What then, do you suggest we do with the children in their care?”

    “I beg your pardon?”

    “What should happen to children who's parents are weak-minded, as you say. If their parents are not capable of caring for them properly, then clearly we need to find other arrangements. What should those be, in your opinion?”

    Krowler hadn't planned for a question like this. It took a moment before he could gain his composure enough to reply “The children must have someone else in their families who could provide for them, such as an uncle.”

    “Not all children will have someone who can pick up everything and start to take care of them. How should society address this issue if as you said it leads to children not acting as they are supposed to? Wouldn't this be a major concern for everyone?”

    “I would highly doubt that there would be a large number of children who have no one who can care for them.” Unlike most of the other witnesses, he wasn't bothering to even try and hide his disdain for Lily.

    “But you do admit there would be some, yes?” She wasn't going to let the point slide.

    “There may be a few children who are affected in such a way. But there are homes to place them in if it becomes necessary.”

    “Then you believe that it is better for a child to live in a children's home as opposed to living with a parent who has mental health issues.”

    “Yes, that is the case.”

    Lily nodded, seeming pleased to hear it. Karl knew she didn't agree with what his grandfather was saying, but he could also bet that Judge Parker would not be happy to hear that in Krowler's mind Astrid would be better off living in a children's home instead of being with Stephen. “You also said earlier that you did not understand why Astrid's mother did not permit either you or Ms. Krowler to visit her daughter. Are you certain that you can think of no reason this may have been done?”

    He didn't seem to understand what Lily was going for. “There was no reason as far as I know of.”

    Her response was to produce a clipping from some newspaper. “Then I would like to bring your attention to this article talking about the settlement of several Romani families nearby where your son-in-law lived. I will quote what is written here. 'There are going to be problems, because in my experience gypsies normally bring trouble wherever they go. If they are allowed to stay, then I expect an uptick in the levels of petty crime to follow.' End quote. The person who was identified as saying this was you, Viscount. Would you say that was an accurate reporting of what you said?”

    Karl had definitely not expected that. He never would have expected his grandfather to say something so prejudiced on the public record. To people he was acquainted with, perhaps (Karl stopped short of saying Krowler was really friends with anyone), but a newspaper reporter? Did he think that no one would ever notice, or that it wouldn't be seen as being a big deal by anyone else?

    For the first time his grandfather looked nervous. He said “No, that would not be an accurate reporting.”

    “If that is the case, did you pursue any kind of legal action against the author of this article for defaming you?”

    “I felt that it was not worth my time to pursue legal recourse for such a small issue.”

    “But leaving such statements in the public record may lead to people believing you are an intolerant man, Viscount. That would be terribly damaging to your reputation, would it not?”

    “I believe that people who read the article who knew me would ask me questions about it before coming to any conclusions. Therefore, further action was not important.”

    Honestly, Karl wondered if it would be better if his grandfather had just said he didn't know about the article. No one would have likely believed him, but it would have at least sounded more plausible.

    “But as you know, Ms. Calderu is herself of Romani heritage. Do you think that she might have felt that you would feel animosity towards her and her child because of this?”

    “She could have spoken to me at any time during her pregnancy. I hopefully could have cleared things up with her then.”

    Lily didn't say anything for a moment, making Karl wonder if she was thinking about something. “Prior to your grandson cutting off contact with you, did you ever meet Ms. Calderu?”

    “We may have spoken on a few occasions. However, her mother was not fond of my daughter, so things were somewhat strained. My biggest issue with her was when I found out Karl had no plans to marry her, even after she had given birth to his daughter.”

    “Are you aware of what kind of relationship my client had with Ms. Calderu?”

    “How could I have known that? Remember, it had been many years by that point that I had even spoken with Karl. There was no way for me to be updated on what he was doing during that time frame.”

    “But you did know where her mother was living, correct?” He had to know that. Everyone knew when Karl had allowed Lilia M. to move into his family's home. If the talk had not somehow filtered back to Krowler, he clearly wasn't paying any attention. “If you had wanted to know anything, would it not have been wise to just put aside your differences and speak to her?”

    A scowl. “Did you not hear me when I said that she was not fond of my daughter? What reason did I have to suspect I would be welcomed if I did arrive one day?”

    “I can see that, but this is not only about you. It is about your great-granddaughter. Did you think that the situation was so unworkable that you could not make any overtures?”

    “Even if I did reach out to Ms. Morgu, it would not change anything between Karl and I. So there would be no point to that, correct?” Each word was spoken very slowly, as if the listener couldn't possibly understand any other way.

    “So if there is little chance of success, then one should not even make the effort. Am I understanding you correctly?”

    “That is not what I am saying. You are twisting my words.”

    “Then can you please elaborate on what you did mean?” Lily was returning every bit of anger directed at her with an effort at continual patience on her part. Karl wasn't certain how well she was holding up.

    “Do you know anyone who you have trouble dealing with in your life? How many times would you try and reach out to them if you knew that they were likely to reject whatever it is you were going to try? I have yet to have any positive interactions with Ms. Morgu over the years I have known her, so I have opted to cease further attempts at doing so.”

    “Would this also apply to my client? Before Astrid's birth, how many times did you try to reach out to him?”

    “Until a few weeks ago, I had not spoken to Karl since he went off to school. Our last conversation was the one I mentioned earlier about his holiday plans. That occurred some time before Christmas that year. I did leave the lines of communication open, and sent him letters every year during the holidays. Unfortunately he did not respond to any of these, to my great heartbreak.”

    If there had been any letters sent to him by his family, Karl had gotten none of them. He wouldn't have been too surprised if both his mother and grandfather may have made some token efforts to reach out to him again, but either they really hadn't tried that hard or somehow everything they sent had vanished into the ether along with all those socks that one loses track of in the wash. He thought the former was much more likely.

    “Did you ever try different methods of communication, such as calling?”

    “Since our last phone call turned out so badly, I felt that it may not be a wise choice.”

    “Could you not have shown up in person in an effort to try and make amends? Might that have been another option?” Karl himself wasn't certain that he would have liked it any better were he to find any members of his family standing at his door than he would have when they were just sending gifts. But from what he could guess, the question wasn't really about how he would feel then. The larger issue was in asking how hard Krowler had really tried to make things right with his grandson. If all things were equal, you would expect someone who was growing farther apart from a person they cared about to be far more proactive than Krowler was describing himself as being. The judge might be curious as to why he only made a few overtures following the estrangement.

     “Do you truly believe that if my letters were not responded to that just showing up one day would have gone any better?”

    Lily shrugged. “There are times when people find it easier to speak in person as opposed to just an exchange of letters. But you may be expected to know the situation better than I would.” The next topic was one that hadn't been brought up at all before today. “Viscount, you have stated the main reason your daughter is seeking custody of Astrid is due to concerns over the presence of Dr. Strange in her life, correct?”

    “That would be an accurate statement.” Krowler had relaxed to a certain degree upon hearing that, likely feeling more comfortable with how this might go than before.

    “So let me ask you this: if for whatever reason my client were to end his association with Dr. Strange for whatever reason, would you then drop your custody case?”

    “I believe that Sara might still try and see if she could gain some manner of visitation rights.”

    “But the main thrust of the case would be over, am I right?”

    “I doubt at this time that Karl is going to leave that man, so the question is unnecessary. There is no point in speculating on matters that are never going to happen.”

    “So may I infer that the only outcome you would accept is Astrid being placed in the care of her grandmother?” Lily wasn't about to pull her punches here. If Krowler was going to avoid answering her question, then she was going to place him on the defensive.

    “I will accept whatever outcome leaves Astrid in a good position to develop as she should.” The answer sounded so canned that Karl was almost certain that Kaecilius had coached him on what to say if that scenario was placed before him.

    “Then if at some point Astrid were to live with her maternal grandmother, for example, would you find that to be an appropriate outcome?”

    His eyes darted around for a moment before answering. “As far as I am aware, there have been no proposals for said outcome, so I cannot say I would support something that is not likely to occur.”

    “I wasn't saying that this was an option at the time. My reasoning behind mentioning this was that it may be a third option if the court does decide that Astrid's well-being is in fact being threatened by the presence of Dr. Strange in her life. You have spoken about all the conflict you have had with my client. Those challenges would still remain if Astrid were sent to live with you, correct?”

    “I would hope that under those circumstances Karl would come to his senses and resume contact with us.” Karl himself was wondering if it was a bad thing to imply that it was entirely senseless for him to avoid his family. Of course no one here was really going to want to get into the details of what had happened between them – both Krowler and Sara surely did not want even the idea that they may have been involved in a serious crime to be kept under wraps, and with Karl lacking any proof of said crime he wouldn't be any better off with all that mess making its way forward. But he was an adult. Wasn't it his right to decide how much time he spent with his family?

    “And if he did not? Would you then restrict his access to his daughter?”

    “Of course not. All Karl would need to do would be to speak with us about when he could see her. I would want him to come alone, of course.”

    Lily tilted her head. “Then Astrid would not be able to return to her home in New York if she were to live with you? All visitation would have to be in Germany?”

    “If Karl is living with that man, then for Astrid's welfare it would be necessary to have all meetings take place in our home.”

    “Could there be meetings at a third-party site?”

    “If they were, then how could we tell if Karl was coming alone? Who would be able to make certain that his lover was not present?”

    Well, it could be seen as a bit of progress that Krowler was calling Stephen his lover instead of the less savory terms he could have used. Either that or he was just trying to avoid offending the judge.

    “How would you know if he wasn't traveling to Germany with Dr. Strange? Wouldn't the same problem exist in that case?”

    “If Karl were to come and visit Astrid, we would require him to stay with us. That way any unauthorized visitors could be kept away.” And of course he knew that Karl would rather have his teeth pulled than spend any extended period of time with his family, so that policy would in effect make it impossible for Astrid to see him at all.

    “So then your plan would be to have Mr. Mordo not be allowed to take his daughter out alone, or to spend any time with her unaccompanied? How could that be seen as granting access? Would you not say that there would be too many barriers being placed in front of him to see his daughter?”

    The look on Krowler's face was so cold, Karl almost wondered if Lily was feeling a chill in the air. “Karl in that case would know what he could do to make things right. If he chose that man over his child, then he must live with the consequences of his decision.”

    “Then let us say that the case goes in your favor. Astrid is sent to live with Ms. Krowler. After a period of time, my client realizes he has made a mistake and asks Dr. Strange to leave his life. If that were to occur, would you or would you not support Astrid returning to live with her father?”

    “I would prefer for there to be some manner of arrangement for us to continue to see Astrid if that were to be the case. But as I said earlier, I do not believe Karl is willing to do so.”

    Lily raised one of her eyebrows. “Have you spoken to him about that?”

    “No, I have not.” The response to the question was spoken in a quieter tone than any of his previous answers had been.

    She nodded. “No further questions, your Honor.”

* * *

 

    Lily was glad that her questioning of Krowler had come to an end. Unlike Karl, she hadn't gone into this worried about her safety. Really, what did she have to worry about? From what she'd seen of the man, he was ruthless, but also could see that she was just doing her job. Furthermore, there was nothing she possessed that he would want to have. Yes, she could tell that Krowler likely despised her, but that wasn't as terrible as you might think.

    It was nearly the end of the day, and she was headed to speak with Judge Parker about her proposal for appointing a guardian for Astrid. The only other person she would be with then was going to be Kaecilius, although she doubted he would be against the plan. Lily wouldn't be surprised if he said that he should have thought of it first. She knew that he most likely wouldn't have wanted to have anyone looking at the case with a neutral eye, but you always had to sound good before the judge.

    Yet the first topic of conversation wasn't what she'd planned for. Before she had a chance to speak, Kaecilius said “I am glad we've had the chance to meet today, because I would like to address a problem that I have noticed during the hearing thus far. Your Honor, there has been a key absence throughout these proceedings, and I would like to ask Ms. Tate what she is hiding by keeping Stephen Strange out of the courtroom.”

    Finally, the question she'd been waiting for had come out. Kaecilius would have noticed right away that only Karl was present every day, and he also had to have a good idea of why this was the case. And while Lily would love to tell the judge that the reason behind the decision, there were hundreds of reasons why this just couldn't be done. Before she went for what would be the most helpful element, she opted to go for a smaller argument. “I was under the impression that Mr. Mordo was the primary focus of the court here. Astrid is his daughter, and he is her custodian, not Dr. Strange. So why would I feel it to be necessary to bring him in everyday? I have spoken with him about attending court proceedings, but for multiple reasons we opted against that plan.”

    She'd doubted that the argument was going to do much good, and Kaecilius responded essentially as she expected. “Mr. Mordo may be the guardian of his child, but the whole reason this case even came up is because he is living with Dr. Strange. We are all aware of this. At some point I would expect to see both parties in the courtroom. If I do not see them, then my presumption is going to be that you feel keeping Dr. Strange away from here is important to your case. If that is true, then you are conceding that there is a problem here. Wouldn't that undermine your entire case.”

    Judge Parker looked at Lily. “Ms. Tate, may I ask you why Dr. Strange has not been present for these hearings? Is there some issue that keeps him away from here?”

    Lily was ready for that question. “Your Honor, I have here with me today a report from Dr. Strange's psychiatrist, Dr. Drumm. He outlines the reasons why I feel his presence will only cause harm. Some of the matters that have been brought up and will come up again are likely to cause serious negative effects in his mental status.”

    The judge asked her “May I have a copy of the report? And can you briefly explain what matters are going to create these negative effects?”

    Judge Parker's reaction was easy to understand. While the whole in-depth reasoning was laid out pretty clearly in Dr. Drumm's report, it would take some time to go over the entire thing. Right now he needed to have some of the reasoning explained to him. “As you are already aware, my client has been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of the experiences he had while living on the streets and working in the sex trade. So far during the case, several witnesses have talked about these matters in a way that is likely to generate more issues for Dr. Strange. His psychiatrist has stated that right now he is still working through processing much of his issues and during this time is more vulnerable. Accordingly, I feel that it would do more harm than good to bring him into court each day. Mr. Mordo does not have these challenges and is also more of the focus here, so he will always be present.”

    He nodded. “I can understand why you might feel this way. I would like to clarify a few matters, however. First of all, are there any plans at this time to place Dr. Strange on the witness stand?”

    “No. If just having to listen to some of the topics raised is enough to cause problems, then subjecting him to the rigors of testifying would be even worse. I feel that I can present my case well enough without having him on the stand.”

    “But you are having Dr. Drumm come in to speak about the problems that exist, correct?”

    “I am. Despite not being able to bring in Dr. Strange personally, I feel that it is essential to have some kind of understanding of how he is functioning right now and how that may affect Astrid Mordo. I believe that will convey the information needed to make a decision.” Lily didn't think that Judge Parker was in full agreement with her, but he was also not likely to make a ruling requiring Stephen to be there every day.

    “Your Honor, I must object to this. How can you make a ruling if one of the critical people involved in this case is not here? Ms. Krowler has been faithful in her attendance, and she has to stay far away from her home during the duration of the case. Is that not an undue burden to be placed as well?” Kaecilius spoke with his usual zeal, not willing to easily relinquish the point.

    As if Sara Krowler couldn't have afforded to spend a lengthy period of time away from her home. Lily knew that her own family was very well-off by most standards, but the Krowlers far exceeded anything she could ever imagine having. But she didn't have to say anything, because Judge Parker answered “Mr. Sorenson, I recall that you have already twice delayed the presenting of your witnesses. If by being far from home an unfair burden is placed on your client, then you are making things worse by not trying to wrap this case up as quickly as possible. And as for making a ruling without all parties being present, there is one important person who has also not been present for the hearings. Are you suggesting that I call for Astrid Mordo to be here each day? After all, she is the biggest focus here, more so than Dr. Strange is.”

    Kaecilius was clearly trying to keep anything he was feeling off his face. “Children are not adults. A grown man should be treated differently than a young girl would be.”

    “I know that. But do you believe that I will not have enough of a chance to gain an accurate picture of what Dr. Strange is like just by the testimony of those who have either evaluated or worked with him in some capacity? I do not need to personally meet with him to form an opinion on his character. Furthermore, it is not enough if I do happen to decide that Dr. Strange's presence is a risk for Astrid Mordo for me to then rule in favor of your client. There is also a chance of harm in moving a child from the home they have always known. And if there is a threat, that may not be enough to warrant a change in custody at this time.” 

    Both Lily and Kaecilius were familiar with the idea. It was one of the major reasons she felt better about the outcome than she might have given the circumstances. There was no question that Stephen suffered from mental health issues. To not acknowledge that would be a disservice to the case. That was the issue she felt the judge would be looking at most, far more than his work history. In Lily's opinion, she felt Stephen's issues weren't a threat in any way to Astrid's well-being, but Judge Parker might not feel the same way. Yet hearing him remind them both that having something that may harm a child might not be enough to warrant taking her from her home gave her a bit of hope.

    For his own part, Kaecilius didn't say anything. He could likely tell what the outcome was going to be if he ended up pressing the matter, so he remained silent.

    Lily took advantage of the break to bring up what she wanted to say. “Since we're all here now, I would like to offer a proposal to appoint a guardian ad litem for Astrid Mordo in this case. I believe that she benefits from having someone here who is entirely focused on her needs as opposed to whichever side they are working for.”

    Kaecilius saw an opening and ran with it. “Are you implying that you are not working for her best interests, Ms. Tate?”

    “I do believe that by taking this case I am acting in Astrid's best interests, or I would not have agreed to work for my client. But in such a sensitive matter as this, the idea of having someone who is not beholden to any side is crucial. Do you agree with that or not, Mr. Sorenson?” She turned around and repeated what had likely been an effort at mocking her via using her name.

    “Enough of this. Ms. Tate, Mr. Sorenson – you are both adults. Cease your bickering at once. As for your proposal, Ms. Tate, I do believe this case will benefit from a guardian. I will look and see who might be available before we come to an end.” Judge Parker added one other thing to Kaecilius. “You said you would like to hold back on placing Ms. Krowler on the stand, correct?”

    “Yes. I feel that it is better for the other side to have a chance to respond to our case at this time. Additionally, the hearing has been a challenge for Ms. Krowler. She would like to wait before speaking.”

    “Do you have any problems with this?”

    “No.” It didn't matter either way. She was ready to call her first witness as soon as Kaecilius rested, so the timing didn't mean much.

    “Are you prepared to present your case?” Judge Parker was so matter-of-fact in asking his questions that Lily almost wondered if he'd seen all this coming.

    “Yes. My first witness is ready to take the stand as soon as I call him.”

    “Then the petitioner will rest for now.” With those words, the lawyers were dismissed. Lily made certain to say nothing to Kaecilius as she walked away. She knew damn well that the only reason he wanted Stephen to attend court was to find some way of tormenting him, whether it be via words or actions. And how could she respond to that?

    Karl, as always, was waiting near the exit. “How did your meeting with Judge Parker go?”

    “Pretty good. He agreed to appoint the guardian, so once we get a name and time let Astrid know that someone new will be speaking to her. Kaecilius did try and make an issue out of Stephen not attending court, but he got shot down pretty fast. He didn't let on anything about why he wanted it that way, but he knew and I knew. Not fun.”

    “Stephen's been feeling so guilty about not being here. I know that it's only going to hurt him if he shows up, but is there anything we can do?”

    Lily had to think. Karl seemed so upset over this, and she guessed Stephen was the same right now. “The only time I think we might be able to get away with having him here is when you testify. By then everything is going to be wrapping up, so it might be okay. But before doing anything I'd like to get Dr. Drumm's approval. How does that sound?”

    Karl sighed. “I just wish that things were alright. Is it selfish that part of me wishes Stephen wasn't the way he is now?”

    “No. Karl, you don't want Stephen to be better just because it's easier for you. I know that everyone would be better off if people hadn't done such horrible things to him on a regular basis for so long. Don't you think Stephen wishes things had been different for him?”

    There were no words for a time, and when Karl did speak his voice was so low Lily struggled to hear him. “Stephen thinks that since he was such a terrible person before his accident that he deserved to be treated badly. He even said that I should be grateful to Kaecilius if I was happy about us being together, because it was only after he raped him that Stephen ended up moving in. He's so broken, and I can't...” His words trailed off, the anguish in them clear.

    Lily had no idea what to say. On some level she knew that Stephen Strange was a damaged man – how could anyone have gone through what he did on the streets without becoming such? But having to hear what he thought of everything, that he blamed himself so... You could hear about how it was common for victims to blame themselves for what happened to them, but when it was someone you knew things took on another level. Her own voice was quiet as she said “I'm sorry. I wish I could make things better.” She noticed Karl was blinking back tears as she spoke, and could feel a few of her own trying to break free. Working on instinct, she put her hand on Karl's shoulder.

    The touch seemed to break everything open. He went from blinking back tears to openly weeping, and Lily changed from a hand on the shoulder to a hug. For a few minutes they stood there, with Karl finally letting out some of the feelings he had been keeping inside for so long. Eventually the tears dried, and Lily asked “Are you feeling better?”

   “I don't know. I have made a decision, though. I'm calling Pat tonight and asking about his group. I've been putting it off too long now.”

    She knew who Pat was, and it didn't take much to figure out what kind of group he was looking to go to. “That's good. Get yourself the support you need. But I think in terms of the case things are going to get better. We start bringing in our witnesses tomorrow, and I think that could be the tipping point here. For now, go home. Get some sleep, tell Stephen you love him. You're a strong man, Karl. Trust me, if you weren't we wouldn't be here right now.”

    His eyes still red, Karl said “I can only hope so. Good night, Lily. See you tomorrow.”

 

 

 


	36. Stress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first witness for Karl and Stephen takes the stand, while a moment in the morning causes new troubles to arise.

    Today started off better for Lily, because she was going to be putting one of her own witnesses on the stand. It was always better to get the chance to talk to someone on your side as opposed to your opposition, although she had enjoyed some parts of her cross-examination. Getting Dr. West to admit without saying it outright that Kaecilius had told him about Stephen's work history had been one of the better moments.

    Karl looked to be doing somewhat better today, although given their conversation yesterday Lily doubted he was doing well. She hoped he could get some of the help he needed at the group he'd talked about. With a smile in his direction, she said “Your Honor, I would like to call Dr. Justin Lewis to the stand.”

    Dr. Lewis hadn't been her first choice to evaluate Stephen and Karl, mainly because she hadn't worked with him in the past. But the lack of familiarity had been quickly offset by the man's clear knowledge about his chosen field – the effects of PTSD on the family of the sufferer. He had a good grasp of what was going on with Stephen and had done a good job explaining how this impacted those around him in his report. Dr. Lewis had told her that while he was not used to testifying in court, he was willing to do whatever it takes to help out with the case.

    Once he was seated, Lily started in a different vein than Kaecilius had done with his expert witnesses. “Dr. Lewis, you have performed a parenting assessment on both Mr. Mordo and Dr. Strange, correct?”

    “Yes, I have.”

    “Can you tell the court about the results of your evaluation?” There was no need to ask him to talk about his expertise in PTSD when Lily felt it would become clear as he spoke. If Dr. Lewis was unable to convey what he knew via his explanations of how he came to his conclusions, then he was failing as a witness and nothing more needed to be said.

    He took a moment before going on to speak. “I evaluated Karl Mordo over the course of two sessions with him, in which I was able to perform several tests on him, such as the MPPI. I also spoke with him in-depth in between tests. From those markers, I was able to generate a comprehensive profile of what I would expect him to be like as a parent and how he handles everyday life.”

    “Can you elaborate on what your results were?”     

    “My overall perspective on Mr. Mordo was that he appears to be a well-adjusted man who has a strong ability to handle life's challenges. He was able to acknowledge areas of weakness and to talk about how he has learned to handle said areas over the years. This is typically a sign of good mental health.”

    “When you talk about areas of weakness, what do you mean by that?”

    “Mr. Mordo spoke with me for a period of time about the challenges he has had with issues of self-worth. He stated that in the past people's efforts at praising him often wound up leading to anger from him, as he felt they were either mocking him or did not understand what he was like. By his own account, this reached its apex during his college years but now is far reduced. He stated that he was grateful for having done so, because when you are raising a child they will normally think you are the best thing ever and if their compliments cause you distress it will be difficult for both of you. Even when people are able to change a behavior of theirs that is maladaptive, they may not be aware of the reasoning behind it. While that is not strictly necessary, if one does know it shows insight that will serve you well in the future.”

    “When you spoke with Mr. Mordo, did you ask him about any mental health challenges he might have had in the past?”

    “The biggest issue he brought up was related to his interactions with others. He said that for various reasons, he had trouble dealing with people once he left home to attend college. As a result of these problems, he was directed into therapy by a professor he had become close to. He says that by going and getting help he was able to work on the problems he was having.” Lily wasn't certain if Karl had told Dr. Lewis about what had happened with his family that had caused his problems. Whether or not the answer was yes, it didn't need to be said as no one was planning on making an accusation of murder in court.

    “From your experiences with him, how would you say Mr. Mordo is performing as a parent to his daughter?”

    “There is nothing I saw that would lead me to be concerned. During our time together, I saw someone who was able to meet his child's needs and to separate his own needs in the process. I can safely say that I would have no problems with leaving a child under his care.”

    Karl was the easy part of this, since Lily knew that he was not experiencing the issues Stephen was having. It didn't take too much to say that someone had no problems (or had just small ones). “And what can you tell me about Dr. Strange? What were the results of your speaking to him?”

    Dr. Lewis breathed in a little bit. “I evaluated Stephen Strange over the course of three sessions. The process was longer than it was for Mr. Mordo due to Dr. Strange's mental health. I also spoke with his psychiatrist at one point to gain a greater insight into his problems. But from the start it was easy to tell what was going on here.”

    “What was your conclusion in this case?”

    “From the beginning, I could tell that he was experiencing the signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. The first indicator was in his overall level of hypervigilance when he was in my office.”

    “You say that he was showing hypervigilance. Can you tell us more about what that is and why it was happening?” 

    “Hypervigilance is when a person is overly on guard against what they may see as a potential threat. When I first met Dr. Strange, he was clearly on edge. During most of our first session together, he had his eyes glancing over to the door of my office. Most people wouldn't be paying so much attention to that, because it wouldn't occur to them that something might be coming in. He was also easily startled by any sounds that interrupted us, such as my phone going off. That caused him to jump out of his seat. Again, this isn't what you would expect to see in an average patient.”

    “Were there any other signs you felt were noticeable in his manner?” She wondered if Karl was confused as to why they were spending all this time talking about Stephen's problems. Lily regretted not having gone into more details about how she planned on tackling Dr. Lewis. The first thing was that it would be impossible to deny that Stephen was currently suffering the effects of PTSD, so bringing it out into the open showed they had nothing to hide. And once that was done it would be time to talk about how he was as a parent. That would then mean more with all the baggage having been brought out prior to that.

    “During each of our sessions, Dr. Strange did not remove his coat, even though it was warm enough to do so. Since we never discussed the matter, I cannot be sure if this was fueled by a desire to be able to leave quickly or if by wearing the coat he felt that it was protective in some way. From my experience, the latter would seem more likely. But I can't say anything with certainty.”

    “Did you get any idea of what Dr. Strange was like as a parent? How do you think he would handle a child?”

    “My evaluation told me two things about his ability to parent a child. First of all, one of the biggest traits I found when I was testing him was a willingness to put others before him in all circumstances. We did talk a bit about how things had been with his son prior to his residing with Mr. Mordo, and he said that sometimes you had to just go hungry to make sure your child had what they needed. He also talked about how he had to make certain that Donny got a leg up on preparation for school, since one's economic status can hinder your ability to get a good education. That type of behavior shows that Dr. Strange is likely to try and do what is best for a child regardless of what the circumstances are. The second major thing I found was that he desired to keep much of the details of his troubles from the children, because they were not likely to be able to handle them. That also is a good sign, because being able to understand the developmental levels of children is an indicator of how well you understand their needs. I won't deny that I saw serious mental health issues in Dr. Strange, but those issues do not appear to significantly impact his parenting capacity.”

    Lily asked “Dr. Lewis, you have experience in how individuals with PTSD deal with children, correct?”

    “Much of the work I have done has been focused on how those with PTSD interact with their families, correct.”

    “How might Dr. Strange's PTSD affect his interactions with Astrid Mordo? What can you say might happen here?”

    Dr. Lewis gave a smile before speaking. “To start with, I must emphasize that PTSD is not just one condition. The effects are as varied as the ways it is caused in a person. In regards to the effects that might be had on children, I would look and ask a few questions. First of all, how did this particular person end up with PTSD? A singular traumatic event tends to cause less friction in the family structure, because when you are dealing with a single event it's normally easier to avoid stressors. A good example would be someone who was in a house fire and received burns in the process. With their family, they might be extra-vigilant about having a working smoke detector in the home, and might also have some type of fire drill every so often. I could also see there the person making certain to check for sources of burning before they go to bed at night. All of that would be seen as worrying too much by their family, but otherwise there wouldn't be much impact. It's when we are dealing with multiple traumas that the effects tend to become more pronounced.”

    “Which of those two scenarios would you say is most applicable to Dr. Strange's situation?”

    “Unfortunately, the second. Without having the time to take a comprehensive survey of his history, I can't be certain as to when the PTSD first manifested itself. There are two possible triggers I can see. First would be the accident that resulted in the nerve damage to his hands. We were only able to brush over the incident during our time together, but what I was told made me suspect some of his problems began then. The bigger source would of course be Dr. Strange's experiences with abusive sex work while he was homeless. Once again, I was not able to get a great deal of information about what occurred then, but the few things I did hear make me say that if he did not have PTSD prior to that he certainly did afterwards. But nothing I saw showed that there would be any major issues in the realm of child care. Dr. Strange seemed to for the most part to have internalized his problems as opposed to externalization, which is more likely to create trouble.”

    “What would be the major difference between internalization and externalization?”

    “When one internalizes their problems, they tend to be more prone towards things such as self-harm and mood disorders. There is always the chance of a variety of somatic symptoms, such as stomach pains. They are likely to seem shut down and withdrawn.” 

    “And what would an externalizing reaction appear to be like?”

    “A person who is reacting in such a way would be more likely to have fits of anger, whether or not they are directed at a specific person or thing, or a more generalized outburst. Instead of seeming shut down, they look to be on edge constantly. They may over-personalize comments that are made to them, even if no insult is intended. They can be reckless in regards to their own safety. For example, they may drive well over the speed limit and show carelessness in the rules of the road.”

    The answer to her next question was probably apparent to everyone present, but in court you always needed to ask what seemed obvious. “Someone who showed more signs of internalization would present less of a risk to the people around them, am I right?”

    “While that would be the case in many instances, one always needs to look at the overall picture before making any judgements in the matter. If I was to make a decision in regards to a child, there are other factors besides the way one expresses their PTSD that play a role. The first thing that would come to mind would be how one relates to children and what their understanding of child development is. Something that many people do not realize is that many problems that parents have in dealing with children come about because of a lack of understanding of what a child should be doing. A good example is expecting a toddler to be able to sit still for hours at a time, and becoming angry when they get up and wander around. While that lack of understanding does not come about as a result of PTSD, it can become worse when combined with it. I would say that in that case externalizing behaviors would be more likely to have a negative effect on children, because the risk of their parent causing them harm would grow. But there are circumstances when internalizing behavior can cause harm.”

    “What would those be?”

    “The most common situation I have seen is when a parent is so overwhelmed with their own internal strife that they start to become neglectful of their children's needs. They are feeling so threatened that the best option is avoidance, and that can lead to things such as not shopping for food or performing basic care. A key thing to remember here is that the parent in question is in the majority of those cases also not going to be performing those tasks for themselves as well as for others, so spending some time with them should clue one into something like this occurring.”

    With that information on the table, Lily then directed things to a more personal level. “Given that you have stated you believe Dr. Strange has PTSD, how would you then say his condition might affect Astrid Mordo if she is in his care?”

    “The first factor I would be looking at is the overall positive assessment I got during our evaluation. If Dr. Strange did not appear to have a strong basis for how to care for a child, his mental status would have a far greater impact than it is likely to be here. The second factor that would impact my opinion in this case would be that Dr. Strange has also been a successful parent for over seven years now. A big indicator of future behavior is how you have behaved in the past, so seeing that he has been successful at parenting his son is a very good sign for the future.”

    “How do you know that Dr. Strange has been successful at parenting his son?” The question came about as a matter of necessity. In his cross-examination, Kaecilius was certain to challenge the idea that Stephen was a good parent. By asking the question herself, Lily could keep some measure of control over what was to come.

    “As I said earlier, the results I have received from the testing I performed showed me a profile of someone who is likely to place their child's needs before all others. I also spoke with Dr. Strange's psychiatrist on what he has been able to see during their sessions together. He concurred with me on much of my conclusions via his patient, although I know he has much more knowledge about the details of Dr. Strange's PTSD than I do. Finally, I can find no records of any sort that show any level of concern for his son via either his teachers or other adults. All this makes it seem likely that there was no discernible level of mistreatment occurring here. Additionally, his son is developmentally on track with no real deficits to be found. Given how they spent the first years of his life, I would call that extraordinary.”

    The praise for Stephen bolstered her spirits. “Is there anything else that you would like to note here?”

    “Yes. One of the overlooked factors here is the presence of Mr. Mordo in the home. It's commonly seen that when children are living with a mentally ill parent that they benefit even more from having a stable influence in the home. This can be another parent, or just an adult that is living in the home with them. Mr. Mordo shows no signs of any psychiatric disorder, and he also has a past history of successful parenting of Astrid. Even if Dr. Strange is at times unable to provide the quality of care that a child needs, Mr. Mordo is more than capable of stepping up to the plate here. And that factor is enough for me to say that although I can see Dr. Strange as being a person with mental health issues, I do not feel that these issues represent a threat to Astrid Mordo or any other child that may be in his care.”

    “So you would not feel a change in custody would benefit Astrid in any way.”

    “Not unless I saw signs of trouble during my evaluation of either man. I know for a fact that children prefer to remain in an environment that is familiar to them even if they are truly at risk of harm. Since in this case there is no evidence that she is at risk in any way, I would be even more opposed to her removal from the home.”

    “Do you feel that Dr. Strange's work history may pose problems for Astrid as she grows older? How might that impact the situation here?”

    “I will start off by saying that there are more people who are involved in sex work than one might expect who are also raising children. In the best case scenario, the parent is able to keep their work entirely separate from their children. Any details about what is occurring would be kept from the children until they are of an age to understand properly what is going on. Also, there would be no coercion involved in the work – it would be an entirely consensual situation. And of course there would be no abuse of any kind coming with the work. However, I know that is a dream scenario. The best most of the time that can be hoped for is that there is no abuse directed at any children and that they are not witnesses to abuse directed at their parent. Even while Dr. Strange was engaging in prostitution, he told me that he made certain his son never knew what was going on and that his work was never conducted in front of him. And right now no one is claiming that he is still doing the same type of work, so the concerns are irrelevant in my mind.”

    “So even if Dr. Strange were still involved in sex work, that alone would not be enough to judge him as being an unfit parent.”

    “No. It wouldn't be enough even taking into account his PTSD. You would have to present evidence that either because of those factors or independent of them that there was a risk of harm that was too great to leave a child in his care. Nothing I have seen here leads me to believe this is so.”

    Lily felt like she was done. “No further questions, your Honor.”

 

* * *

 

    The night before, when Karl had returned home, he had been greeted by a surprising sight. The apartment was far cleaner than it normally was on a Monday. Not that they lived in squalor at any time, but one could normally see some degree of mess left in various places. Twice a week someone came to clean, but the majority of what she did stemmed around washing floors, vacuuming, and dusting. Picking up debris wasn't necessary, because everyone got around to picking it up at some point. But upon entering, nothing could be seen in the living room. Additionally, it looked as if everything had been polished and cleaned thoroughly.

    It wasn't hard for Karl to figure out who was responsible for this. He knew how much Stephen had been feeling guilty over his inability to be present in court, and the whole cleaning thing must have seemed like a way to make it up to him. It wasn't a necessary thing, but the gesture was touching in its own way. His suspicions were confirmed as he heard Stephen's voice asking him “What do you think?”

    “Everything looks great. What brought this on?”

    “Just felt like doing something special. No other reason.” His words ended with a hiss.

    Karl found himself glancing at Stephen's hands. While they never looked too good, he was now wondering if all of the effort put into cleaning had aggravated the injury. He stepped closer and asked “How are you feeling?” He almost went and held one of them to look closer, but knew that it wouldn't be a good idea.

    “Just a little sore. It's been a while since I've done so much with my hands. Had to get it done, though. Knew you wouldn't mind if it took me all day.” There was still a certain level of pain visible in his face, despite the words.

    Karl knew from talking to Stephen that after he had first lived on the streets basic cleaning jobs had been pretty common at first. But as he had learned, most of the time they expect you to complete the job rather quickly. At the time his hands had been even worse than they were now, and far too often there would be pain so great that even powerful painkillers did little to help out. If that happened, then of course there would be no chance of being able to work. Yet even if he could get through the day without too much pain, it might not be enough for the job, because as he said earlier, you had to get whatever you were told to do done in as quick a fashion as possible. Who would want to keep around someone who took all day to sweep the floors, regardless of their reasons why?

    What he ended up saying was “You didn't have to do that, but it's very much appreciated. Is there something you'd like me to do to help with the pain?” Karl really deep down wished Stephen hadn't cleaned up if it was just going to cause him pain later on, but also was smart enough to know that just going out and saying that would lead him to withdraw more. 

    Stephen didn't answer at first. Even after all the time he and Karl had spent together, he still rarely voiced his needs in any way. Once, when Karl had made a stir-fry for dinner, Stephen hadn't eaten any of the peppers in the dish. When Karl asked him about that, he'd said he was sorry and had gone and eaten them right away. Donny had later on said “Daddy doesn't like peppers,” giving him a reason for why he'd avoided them. But actually being able to say “I don't like this, and won't be eating it,” was still too hard to do.

    He waited for an answer. What eventually came out of Stephen's mouth was “Just rub my hands a little bit. Don used to do that for me when I'd get back and they hurt more than usual.”

    Karl and Stephen both sat down on the couch, and he began to do as was asked of him. He noticed that his hands seemed to be swollen in some way, and wondered if the exertion had been responsible for that. “Should I get some ice for them? I really don't like that swelling.” Always, trying to get Stephen to accept help was like dancing around the edge of a fire. If it had been anyone else in the same situation, Karl would have just said “Let me get you some ice,” and that would have been said and done.

    "Don't. The cold will feel too much on my hands. I normally just wait for a while until they go back to the way they were before. For it to feel okay you'd have to use so thick a towel that anything from the ice wouldn't help much. It's okay.”

    It wasn't okay, but there was little he could do. Stephen knew better than he did about how to handle his pain, so Karl had just done as he was told.

    The night itself hadn't been as restful as he had hoped for. On a positive note, Karl had managed to get more sleep than he had been able to for weeks now, because he did not wake up as many times as he had been doing. The negative parts hadn't come out until the morning, when he was awoken by panicked gasps coming from Stephen's side of the bed.

    The initial moment of confusion as to why he was acting that way unfortunately became clear as soon as Karl became more awake. He knew that there was the chance of his body responding to Stephen's presence from the first time they had started to share a bed, but always before when it had happened he'd been able to get out of bed before he noticed. But in large part due to his need to finally get a good night's sleep he'd not been able to have before made him not able to react in time. 

    He'd jumped up, and had started talking to Stephen, telling him it was okay, that he didn't need to do anything about his problem. He didn't know if the reason this was so frightening to him was just the implications of what Karl being aroused meant or if there had been times when Stephen had woken up with a client and been expected to service them if they were ready. Either way it was bad, so he didn't care too much for whichever option it turned out to be.

    The only somewhat good thing that he could say about all this was that it didn't take long for Stephen to calm down. His breathing went back to normal, and naturally the first thing out of his mouth was “I'm so sorry, Karl. I know better... that you wouldn't want to... It was just a first instinct.”

    The apology didn't make him feel any better. What was the best reaction to something like that?  _Yes, I know I triggered your PTSD by getting hard in the morning. But I know you feel bad about it, so everything's okay._ Karl had just ended up asking “Do you need to call Dr. Drumm now?”

    “No, I should be alright. There have been worse times with things and I've normally gotten through them.” The sentence was spoken in a very straightforward fashion, as if Stephen just needed to toughen up more. “Do _you_ need anything today? I know Lily's going to start to present her case today.”

    The only thing Karl could think to say to that was “I think we need to talk about this tonight. I'm not angry, Stephen – I just need to go through things, okay?”

    His reaction had been pretty much what was expected. He'd only been able to nod and said “I'm sorry things have to be like this,” and then turned his head away. Karl could feel his heart break as he watched.

    Unfortunately there wasn't time to go over anything that morning, because of the dual needs to get the children to school and to make it to court on time. With traffic being what it could be, he always had to rush to make it.

    This morning everything went according to plan, and he was able to sit down in time to hear Dr. Lewis speak. 

    The way Lily looked to be going about this didn't turn out like he thought it might. What Karl expected to hear was Dr. Lewis talking about how he'd seen that both him and Stephen were likely to be good parents, but the first topic had ended up being the effects of PTSD. It had confused him to a large extent, since it looked like they were going to be giving Kaecilius an opening to attack them. What was Lily thinking?

    It had only taken a little while for the purpose of what she was doing became clear. As Dr. Lewis talked about the various symptoms one might be seeing in someone with PTSD, he glanced over at Kaecilius, and noticed the man did not look happy. And it was then that the plan became clear. There was no way they could go on and say that Stephen was experiencing no problems from his PTSD or depression (although the latter hadn't come up as much), and if Lily were to skim over these troubles it would look bad when Kaecilius got his turn. Now they not only were able to bring out the issue in a way that minimized the overall impact, it also made the positive report on Stephen's parenting skills seem even better. If Dr. Lewis knew as much as he did about the problems caused by such a condition but still said that he was a perfectly fine parent then it said so much about what kind of man he was.

    Karl himself knew that he could have gone on and on about what he had seen of Stephen as a parent while they were living together. Even with all the troubles he was having, he brought Donny to school everyday and retrieved him at the end of the day, made certain that he brushed his teeth, bathed, and ate all his vegetables among other things. Whenever Donny needed to do something for school, such as the plant assignment, Stephen would go and see how he could help make things go more smoothly. And from what he knew, none of this was any different than things had been when they were living on the streets. Karl wanted to be able to get up on the stand and sing Stephen's praises all day long, but he knew that it was best if he waited until the end.

    Lily had just completed her questioning of Dr. Lewis, and was sitting down. He asked her “How do you think Kaecilius will handle his cross-examination?”

    “I would guess he might work a little differently than he normally might. The usual strategy he has in these cases is to attack the credentials of whoever is working on the other side. The problem with that here is that Dr. Lewis is so highly respected for his work that it would come off sounding absurd.”

    “Then what do you think he's going to do instead?”

    “I can see him going for how the research he's conducted hasn't been with people who have gotten PTSD the same way Stephen has, although where he would get a large enough group like that for a study isn't clear. But an argument could be made that what Dr. Lewis is saying might not apply here. Kaecilius is probably also going to say that Stephen's been playing him with how his condition is. That should be something I think he can handle on his own, and I'm willing to bet he'll go for the same tactic when we put Dr. Drumm on the stand.”

    “Do you really think Judge Parker will believe that?”

    “I wish I could say no, but Kaecilius is a very persuasive man. You heard him talking with your grandfather and Dr. Kendrick. With a lesser attorney, no one would have taken what they said as being the gospel truth, but he led them in a way that worked. I just have to hope that they're on their toes when he starts to question them.”

    Right now Kaecilius was getting to his feet, preparing for his first attempt at cross-examination. Karl wondered if he was feeling any nerves, or if his aura of confidence was as genuine as it appeared to be. He avoided looking at his ex, not needing the extra stress that he brought to the table right now. The rest of today was going to be hard enough, and then there was going to be his talk with Stephen tonight.

    An intake of breath, and the questions began. 

 


	37. Questions and Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaecilius takes on Dr. Lewis. Later on, Stephen comes to a decision about how he might be able to help Karl.

    Kaecilius didn't start to speak for a few moments, opting to pace around. Karl thought he was trying to make Dr. Lewis seem uncomfortable. “Dr. Lewis, how much background were you given on Dr. Strange before you performed your evaluation?”

    “I was given a basic overview of why an evaluation of both Dr. Strange and Mr. Mordo needed to be performed. But I was left to form my own conclusions about both men. If I had been given more information than that, I might not have taken the case. You need to go into something like this with an open mind.”

    “But you said that you spoke with Dr. Strange's psychiatrist at one point, correct? How could you say that you were going into this with an open mind?”

    Dr. Lewis was calm and said in a clear voice “I have spoken with Dr. Drumm on two occasions in regards to this case. The first time, it was a simple request to see if I could perform the parenting evaluation, since he was obviously unable to do so. I was given the overview once I said that I could do it. The second time we spoke was after I had completed working with them, and wished to know if Dr. Drumm had seen any of the signs I was seeing. Please remember that I only had a combined five sessions with both of them, and as a result I wished to make certain I was not overlooking other sources of the troubles I saw in Dr. Strange.”

    “Did you not feel that may have impacted your final report?”

    “When did I say it didn't? There were no major changes made to any of my conclusions, because much of what I had already felt to be true was confirmed. The only thing we talked about the second time around was on my diagnosis of PTSD, which Dr. Drumm also felt was accurate. But none of my conclusions on either Mr. Mordo or Dr. Strange's abilities to be effective parents were any different following the talk.”

    “Do you know how much Dr. Strange might have known about you prior to your meeting?”

    “That was not a topic of conversation between us. I don't think it would have mattered even if he'd done a complete literature review of my published work, because I don't think that would have changed anything in his results.”

    Kaecilius gave one of his sinister smiles before going on. “Do you think it may be possible that if Dr. Strange knew about your field of study he may have decided to feign his symptoms in order to make you more supportive of his case?”

    He shook his head. “There are multiple reasons why I do not believe this to be the case. To start with, you must understand that intentionally feigning symptoms of an illness normally indicates some level of disturbance, unless there is a clear gain to be had by doing so – such as avoiding military service. I would expect a person who was doing as you say to show signs of personality disorders and to present in a fairly dramatic manner. The signs of PTSD I mostly saw in Dr. Strange were subtle, like his constantly looking for the door. The more visible signs such as flashbacks did not show up during our time together. Also, his reactions towards talking about his traumas did not fit a facetious profile.”

    “What do you mean about – ”(there was a long pause between words) “his reactions towards his traumas?”

    Karl thought that Kaecilius had concealed himself very well this time around. The hesitation was in his mind because it took effort to refer to Stephen as a he when he spoke of him, but to an outside observer it sounded like he was just trying to think of how to phrase what he was saying next. Seeing the man in action reminded him of how clever he could be.

    “When I asked a few questions about his accident he made it clear that this was a topic he did not want to discuss very much. The most information I was able to get was that it was entirely his own fault so further discussion wasn't needed. I did ask some questions about how both the accident itself and the treatment he required for his hands had caused him to feel, but all I got from asking was a reaffirmation of his own culpability in the incident. This would go against the idea that he was playing up his symptoms, since in that case I would expect to see a potential source of trauma to be presented in a much more dramatic manner. The type of person who would be doing so would want to go on and on about how horrendous their ordeal was, and how much it hurt them.”

    “But you stated earlier that the accident was not the sole source of Dr. Strange's PTSD. Did he act in a different manner when talking about his other experiences?”

    “Absolutely not. The only way I learned anything about his history was because I asked him about his work experiences. I was told that he had worked in the sex trade for a period of time, which was the reason he was being brought into court as a danger to Astrid Mordo, but I did not learn much about what might have occurred while he was working. Dr. Strange did say that he was beat-up a bit while working, and when prompted said things had gone worse on occasion. But no details of any of those times were shared with me. From the little I heard, in addition to his presentation, I could guess that there was a fair amount of abuse involved, but that he still felt such a great level of shame over it that sharing any details was not going to happen.”

    “Yet you only have its word for what happened then. How do you know that Dr. Strange was actually subject to violence at any point?” Kaecilius had resorted to slurring the pronoun this time around, but Karl knew that he'd gone back to his old term. His desire to punch him in the face grew.

    “I can say that a sex worker experiencing violence, especially if they were working on their own, would be well-within the area of what one might expect to see. If I had been told an elaborate story on how his clients had used him in the past, then I might look to see if there were any details that did not add up. But I have no problem saying that from what I heard I believe Dr. Strange is telling the truth, although others might go a bit farther than that.”

    “Did you try to get access to anything that might have confirmed his stories, such as medical records?”

    “There was no need for me to do so. If I was working in a research capacity, then I would work to verify the information I was given in order to make certain my research was meeting the standards set, but in this case I felt it was unnecessary. Also, there weren't many details given of what happened so I could match them against any records given. All I was told was that he was beaten up at times. Besides, even if Dr. Strange was beaten to a level where medical intervention was required I highly doubt he would have shared the truth with them.”

    “And why do you think that would be the case? Do you really think that a doctor would go and report him for prostituting himself?” Karl could only shake his head at that. Shouldn't it be obvious why Stephen wouldn't want to tell the truth to anyone?

    “To start with, remember that he was the sole caregiver of a young child. Part of the reason I would expect him to not reveal the nature of his work is due to the fear of what might happen to his son if someone were to learn the truth. Doctors are mandated reporters, so it would be a valid concern. A bigger factor would be the sense of shame that Dr. Strange felt over engaging in sex work. He likely would have felt that he would be negatively judged for any acts of physical or sexual violence committed against him, and this might influence his decision to remain silent.”

    Once again the smile spread on his face. “You referenced the possibility of sexual violence. Did at any time Dr. Strange tell you that such a thing had occurred?”

    Dr. Lewis did not appear to be happy with this question. “If you are asking if I heard any accounts of his being raped, then the answer is no. But during our sessions Dr. Strange did allude to how things had been worse sometimes than just physical violence, and he also said that he had been asked to do things he would not have normally done. When I then asked if that was the case why he did them, he said that it really didn't matter what he felt while he was working. All of that leads me to suspect that at times there may have been some manner of sexual assault.”

    “But you were never outright told that, am I right?”

    “Well, even if I was why would it matter? You've essentially said that unless I have some kind of proof in my hands I should immediately discount the story, or have I heard you incorrectly?” Karl had to give Dr. Lewis credit for being able to keep up with Kaecilius's verbal attacks. He was right – if Stephen's word wasn't enough to say that anything had happened to him, then why would it matter if he said anything about it?

    Perhaps realizing he wasn't winning this round, Kaecilius shifted gears somewhat. “Dr. Lewis, most of your published work on PTSD has been with military veterans, correct?”

    “Yes. I normally work with that group in research because it is normally fairly simple to obtain subjects who have been diagnosed with PTSD, due to VA hospitals and other sources. Since my published work needs people who have been traumatized, I go where I know I can find them.”

    “So you wouldn't say that you have experience in dealing with people who have allegedly been involved in abusive sex work, then.”

    He shook his head. “Actually, almost a third of the patients I work with have been the victims of some kind of sexual assault. The number may be higher than that because I can only go by what I am told, as I have stated before.”

    The number wasn't what Karl expected to hear. The idea that up to a third of the patients who came in to see Dr. Lewis might have been hurt like Stephen had been was shocking. It got worse when he thought about how the number might have been even higher, but that it might have gone unsaid was enough to turn his stomach.

    “But you could not say you are an expert in people who have had the experiences Dr. Strange has had, correct?”

    “No one can say they are an expert in any specific manner of trauma in my mind. You can have experience in dealing with war trauma, or in child abuse, but each person who has been traumatized is an individual. I could never call myself an expert in Stephen Strange, so why would I go and say I'm an expert in whatever his traumas have been?”

    “Given all you have said thus far, what would it take for you to believe that a patient was not telling you the truth about what happened to them in the past?” The shifting of subjects yet again seemed to show that Kaecilius was struggling to deal with the witness.

    “There would be two major things I would look to see, if I didn't already see signs indicating the person might have the type of personality I would expect to see make up stories. First, if someone told me a story that was impossible I would wonder about what they were saying. For example, if you started to tell me that you were kidnapped by space aliens in the grocery store parking lot I don't think it needs to be said that I'd be more likely to think of a thought disorder coming into play. Impossible details usually mean that even if the essence of the story is true, the teller can't be trusted to recount whatever happened. Second of all would be the constant changing of details when telling the story. It's not uncommon for people to emphasize different aspects of what happened to them each time they tell the story, but if on one occasion you are saying it was a bright sunny day but the next time you say it was so dark you couldn't see a thing I'm going to look closely at everything you are saying. Once again, none of this is proof that the person relating this is lying – there may be other problems that have led to false information being given. But at that point I would not be able to rely on what they were saying as a sole source. And none of these things apply to Dr. Strange.”

    “You have indicated that you feel Dr. Strange is suffering from PTSD. How serious do you think his symptoms are?”

    This looked to be a surprise to Dr. Lewis. “Since we only had a few sessions together, it wasn't possible for me to go so far as to say how serious his condition was. My only goal was to judge how much his PTSD would affect his capacity to parent Astrid Mordo, or any other child in his care.”

    “If you could not tell the severity of his condition, then how could you determine how well he would fare as a parent?” Every time Kaecilius had to call Stephen a he, his face scrunched up in distaste. Karl hoped Judge Parker would notice, although what he might do about it was unclear.

    “Parenting skill is not tied to one's mental health, at least not directly. I have seen plenty of cases were the only major problems held by parents were inability to handle dealing with a child, and I had no problems with saying they were not fit to be parents at the current time.”

    “But wouldn't it be better for a child to not have to live with the problems a parental figure with PTSD would face?”

    “Well, of course you can say that overall we would all benefit if I had fewer patients dealing with the aftermath of trauma. But it takes a great deal more than just mental illness to want to remove a child from their home. There needs to be actual evidence of harm, which I did not see in this case.”

    “How can you make the determination that there is no evidence of harm here? Is it possible to say with any certainty that any given person poses no threat to a child's welfare?”

    “I don't believe that anyone can say with any degree of certainty that you may not pose a risk to a child, not without being able to see the future. I can only go by what signs I have seen in the past that display warnings as to how one will treat their children in the present and future.”

    “So you are admitting that you have no proof that Dr. Strange will not pose any manner of risk to Astrid in the future.” Kaecilius was acting as if he had won a major victory by stating such.

    With a small smile of his own. Dr. Lewis said “I also have no proof that he will end up causing her any harm. There is no way for me to prove a negative, so instead I need to look for how likely I think an affirmative outcome might be. And there is nothing in the profile I have gotten of Dr. Strange to tell me that.”

    There was a pause, and Karl thought for a moment Kaecilius might be done. But after a moment, he then asked “Dr. Lewis, you are not a specialist in child maltreatment, am I right?”

    “My area of expertise is right now focused on the broader issue of PTSD, which can be caused by any number of things. So even though I do not primarily focus on that issue, I do make an effort to keep up with the literature that is published since a good portion of my clients have been mistreated in their childhood in some way or another.”

    Karl sincerely hoped that Kaecilius wasn't going to go and start raising questions about how he might be as Astrid's father. He doubted that because he wouldn't be able to reveal where he had gotten the information about his past, and besides that would make his case have almost no standing. (“Yes, your Honor, I think that because Karl Mordo was mistreated when he was a child that he runs the risk of hurting her in the future. Therefore, she should go and live with the people who were responsible for said treatment.”) The sheer ridiculousness of the idea made him have to suppress a chuckle.

   The question that was asked was “So in that case you must know that there is no one profile of an individual who will mistreat a child then. How can you sit here and say Dr. Strange is not a threat to Astrid Mordo knowing that is true?”

    “I can't use any psychological profile to predict how any person will treat another, but what I can use is one's behavior in the past. And it is a very good sign that he did not mistreat his son in any way during the time they lived on the streets. Under those circumstances the likelihood of mistreatment goes up due to the large amounts of stress being placed on the parents. If one does not act in such a manner then, I would say the chances of them refraining from doing so in the future are fairly good.”

    The reply seemed to give Kaecilius an idea of how best to attack. “Would you not say that subjecting a child to living on the streets in deplorable conditions is not a form of maltreatment in and of itself?”

    “I would say that such a thing would be more related to poverty and lack of resources in this case. If the reason behind one's homeless status is because of chronic drug use or other such issues then I would be more inclined to think of it as being maltreatment. However, in this case I don't see that as playing any role at all in how things wound up. I might even go so far as to say that being able to keep your child well-fed, clothed, and as academically ready as you can make them shows a level of parenting that might be seen as being above average.”

    “But couldn't Dr. Strange at any time gone and surrendered his son to the state for care? He wouldn't have had to worry about what might happen in that case, and the child would have a roof over his head and perhaps a family who would love and provide for him. Isn't keeping your child in such a life when you have other options a selfish choice?”

    “That's certainly an option. But as a society we have decided that parents have the right to choose to care for their children no matter what circumstances they find themselves in. Given that, if Dr. Strange felt he could make an effort at raising his son then why would he not attempt to do so? Furthermore, in the beginning he had no idea how long his situation was going to last. He did say that there was a point shortly after his son's birth when it looked like they would be able to escape their life, but things felt apart. And after a point in time, it would be more cruel to take his son away than to leave him where he was. There comes a point when a child is firmly attached to their caregiver, and following that point they normally won't want to leave them even in cases where there has been serious abuse. Looking at this case, I can see that it would have been worse in his child's mind to be forced to leave his father rather than remain on the streets, especially because that was all he had ever known.”

    “So you believe a child should be forced to suffer through homelessness because that is what they are familiar with.”

    “No, I believe that the best course of action would be to help their parents with finding some form of housing. If there are other problems that have led towards the family becoming homeless besides just lack of resources then something should be done to help with those problems. Only when one's efforts at helping have been either rejected or have been ineffective should the step of removing the child from the home be taken. Of course, in this case we would be assuming that homelessness was the only real problem faced by the family.”

    Kaecilius did not look happy with the answer. He then said “Besides the PTSD, did you see any evidence of other mental health issues in Dr. Strange?”

    “There were signs of major depression in his test results as well as his interviews. But I didn't see enough to make a formal diagnosis at the time.”

    He narrowed his eyes, and said “No further questions, your Honor.” Karl could tell he was angry now, but wasn't certain what he had expected to hear from Dr. Lewis.

    With that it was the end of their day in court. It was by far the shortest day of all, because today was the only day of the week that Dr. Warren couldn't make it, due to her prior work commitments. Lily had informed Judge Parker about this before the first witness had taken the stand, so this time around there was no fuss about any delays. Karl only hoped that there wouldn't be any other delays for them, because Kaecilius was almost certain to jump on them no matter what the reason might be.

    As he was gathering his things and preparing to leave, he heard his ex's voice. “Hello, Karl.”

    He did not say a word, just picked up his bag and went to leave.

    That wasn't the response that he wanted to see, so he went on. “I had a very pleasant dream last night. It was about our mutual friend.”

    He got up and started to walk away. Lily had already left, so they were the only two left in the room.

    Kaecilius would not let the matter slide. “I was wondering how you like it best? On its back? Kneeling? All fours? Each one has its own merits, but you need to try all of them to get the full use out of it.”

    He dogged Karl as he exited the courtroom, the cruel words still echoing in his ears. But before they got too far, Lily stopped Kaecilius dead in his tracks. “Mr. Sorenson, is there some business you have with my client?”

    He didn't answer, just gave off his usual smile. Karl had to give him a small amount of credit for not giving her some story.

    “If you need to speak with Mr. Mordo in the future, please do so via me. We're done here today.” Lily took his arm and led them both away as fast as they could both walk.

    They both made it outside in silence. Karl was the one to first say something. “I guess he's figured that if he can't get to Stephen then he'll just go after me instead.”

    “What was it he actually said?”

    “Some obscene remarks about how I could use him. About what I would expect to hear from him.”

    A sigh. “From now on, we leave together.”

    That was something Karl had no problem with. He bid Lily farewell, and headed home for his talk with Stephen.

 

* * *

 

    Stephen had been filled with worry the entire day. He wasn't looking forward to the talk he was going to be having with Karl later on, and still wasn't certain what he was going to say.

    He hadn't thought too much about what might happen if Karl ended up getting turned on by him, because he knew what he _should_ be doing. (“You caused it, you take care of it.”) But he'd also known how difficult it would be to do so.

    Stephen did wish right now that he was just capable of using his hands for such a task. He'd know when he started to work that he couldn't handle things on his own behalf, but had hoped that it might work a little better with other people. Unfortunately, his problems in grasping things kept that area of work out of reach. It was another way he ended up failing, because if he'd just been able to use his hands to please people then he wouldn't have to avoid work when he got sick. Those missed days might have made a difference in getting Donny a roof over his head sooner.

    The door opened, and the smell of burgers could be sniffed. “I'm home! And I brought something for everyone.” Karl sounded pretty happy right now, so he must not have been too upset about what happened that morning. Stephen by now knew him well enough to know that he wasn't going to be angry about the incident, but the idea of upsetting him hurt far too much to handle.

    “Yay! Burgers!” Astrid had come running the minute she had heard the sound of the door. It was good to see her feeling like her usual self. Over the last few weeks she had been showing more and more signs of distress, and it was making him feel even worse about not just giving in and leaving. When they had left school today, Astrid had asked several times if he had heard anything about what was going to happen to her. Hearing that he didn't know had caused her face to fall in a devastated expression.

    Donny came out as well, and asked “Why'd you get us dinner?” In his life you only got a meal like that if you either had a little extra money to spare or Stephen was working during dinnertime. Now that they were living with Karl treats like that came more often, but he still remembered how things had used to be.

    “Well, I was thinking about how we've all been feeling a little rough lately. So I wanted to do something to cheer us up a bit.”

    The answer was satisfying for both children, as they began to eat with gusto as soon as the food came out of the bags. Stephen was a lot slower in eating – even though his appetite had grown a great deal, he sometimes found it hard to not try and save what he had for later on. The voice in his head kept telling him  _how long will it be before you can get more? Save something._ Tonight he pushed past it and was proud to see the last bite of food go into his mouth. Karl, while slower than both children, ate faster than he did, but waited until Stephen was done before starting to clear off the table. Nothing was said about the morning, and Stephen almost hoped that they wouldn't have to talk about it.

    It was too much to hope for, per usual. After he had gotten his plate away and was preparing to leave the kitchen, Karl finally said “Is it alright if we went to our room to talk?”

    “Our” room. Stephen never felt like the place he slept was really his room in any way. It belonged to Karl, not him. If he were doing something to help pay for the apartment it might have felt differently. He said none of this, just “Okay.”

    Soon they were both sitting down on opposite sides of the bed. Karl first broke the silence by asking “Stephen, do you think it would be better if we didn't stay together at night anymore?”

    The idea felt like a slap to the face. “No! I'm sorry I couldn't handle...” Stephen knew that he enjoyed having Karl next to him while he slept. Even without the type of things he had normally come to expect as being part of sharing a bed with someone, he loved being able to curl up next to Karl when things were rough. He guessed that they had been lucky so far to avoid a situation like the one they'd had this morning, but Stephen knew that no matter how bad that had been it would be worse without having Karl with him every night. “I sleep better when you're there.”

    “How did you sleep before?”

    “I couldn't sleep very well, if I even was able to get to sleep. Bad nightmares a lot of the time.” He wasn't entirely telling the truth here. When it had just been him and Donny, he'd had fewer nightmares than he did with Karl now. It had only been during the period of time after he had moved in and before he started sharing a room that the nightmares had been out of control. Having Karl with him didn't completely stop the dreams – on average Stephen still had a nightmare every few days. But it was easier to wake up from them and know that he was safe as long as he was with him.

    Karl sighed, and placed his head in his hands. “I just want to not hurt you any more than you already have been. It's just a small thing, but what if I end up triggering some kind of flashback? I keep wondering if I'm being selfish by having you with me every night.”

    The idea was so wrong Stephen could barely grasp it. Karl, selfish? Everything he had seen of the man showed that he was generous, giving, and would put aside whatever he was feeling in order to help out someone else.  _Stephen_ was the selfish one – he took but never gave anything back, placed all kinds of barriers between them and their relationship, and left a trail of people he had used behind him in his old life. “You are the least selfish person I have ever known. Don't ever say anything like that to me.” He left out how he always felt lacking when he compared himself to Karl, knowing that his reaction would be trying to tell him how wrong he was. Stephen hated hearing any praise in his direction. It was normally wrong, and he always ended up thinking he had conned whoever was saying such things into thinking highly of him.

    He shook his head. “This is just so stressful right now. Today, when Dr. Lewis was talking, I kept wondering how Judge Parker was thinking. Did he listen when he was saying how both of us are capable of being good parents, or did it mean more when Kaecilius was challenging everything he ended up saying? The uncertainty is what kills me here.”

    Stephen opted for no words, instead wrapping his arms around Karl and holding him close. As he did so, he forced back tears. It was always terrible to hear about how the court case was causing him so much pain, and knowing that it was because of him made it hurt worse. But he had to hold back his feelings here. None of this was about how it made him feel – it was about Karl and Astrid's feelings. By now Stephen had lost count of the number of times he had ended up crying since his new living arrangements began. He always felt guilty after doing so, like he had been trying to make people feel bad for him. Prior to all this, the last time he could recall really crying had been when he'd arrived at the library with no money and no hope for the future. The only place he felt somewhat okay with his own tears was in Dr. Drumm's office, and even then Stephen tried to keep them at an absolute minimum.

    Karl accepted Stephen's embrace, and said nothing for a time. “Thank you. You don't know how much of a difference it makes to have you here with me, Stephen.”

    It was supposed to be a comforting statement, but all it ended up doing was make him remember how he had caused all this. There were so many points Stephen could look at and say that if only he had made a different choice then this whole situation would not have come about. His being there for Karl did nothing to alleviate what he had caused.

    He just asked “Do you want me there with you tomorrow?”

    Karl pulled out of his arms and looked him in the eyes. “If Kaecilius were to speak with you, how would you feel?”

    He tried to answer in a way that would make him feel better, but after a few minutes of silence knew that it hadn't worked. “I should try and support you.”

    “I don't know if that would work out. Lily's already told Judge Parker how it's best to not have you there, because of what it might mean for your mental health. He might think we weren't being truthful if you just show up one day. That's going to hurt us.”

    Stephen wasn't completely convinced that he would hurt things by being in the courtroom, but he knew that he had to do something to help out here. It took a little while before his idea took fruit.

    Maybe when his first connection had said he would drop the case if Stephen just spent the day with him had been lying, but if they lost and Astrid was to be taken from them he knew where he would go in that case. With that outcome, he doubted Karl would want anything to do with him anyway, so he might as well see if he could fix things. Doing that would take a bit of mental preparation, but if it meant Astrid would be able to stay with her father it would be worth it.

    Right now it was only a maybe, so Stephen shoved away the thought for the time being. His goal at this time was to make certain that nothing else caused Karl any pain.

    He was the source of most of that right now, and needed to do what he could to make things better.

 


	38. Second Opinion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid meets someone who wants to help find what's best for her, and shares how she feels.

_Several weeks earlier_

    Astrid was nervous as she was going into the doctor's office. It wasn't the usual doctor she saw – this lady was a doctor whose job it was to help out the judge in making the right decision for her. Daddy had told her that she was called Dr. Warren, and that she would be seeing her a couple of times. “What is she going to do?” She didn't think that it was going to be like when you got a regular check-up, because Dr. Warren was a doctor like the one that Stephen saw.

    “Dr. Warren is going to ask you questions about yourself and your family. All you have to do is tell her the truth. There aren't any right or wrong answers here, so just be honest. I'm also going to be going in with you once.”

    Daddy sounded a little tired. Astrid knew he was worrying about all the stuff that was going to happen when he had to see the judge. She was kind of glad she didn't have to go. If it had just been Daddy and the judge, it wouldn't be that bad but knowing her grandmother was going to be there too made her feel real scared. She'd thought she'd seen her once when she was playing outside at school. She went and told Ms. Minoru about it, but they hadn't seen her when they looked. After that, Daddy had said she could stay inside during recess if she wanted to, and only brought her and Donny to school just before they had to get there.

    The room where you waited for the doctor was just like all the other rooms doctors had for waiting. There was stuff for grown-ups and kids to read, and a few toys you could play with. Astrid was too worried to want to do that, so she just sat and waited.

    It wasn't a long time before she heard someone say “Astrid?” The lady who was there didn't look like most doctors. She was dressed like everybody else, and all the doctors she'd seen before were at least wearing some kind of coat. Donny had said that Dr. Drumm who saw Stephen hadn't been dressed like that when he talked to him, but he hadn't been working then.

    She stood up, and looked at Daddy. He smiled a little bit and said “It's okay.”

    The lady held out her hand as she walked over to her. “Hello, Astrid. I'm Dr. Warren.” She shook it for a second, still not knowing what to think.

    The first thing that was a big surprise was the doctor's office. Astrid had thought it would look like she always thought doctor's offices did, with a chair or two, a table to sit on, and maybe some magazines for you to look at. But in here there were some chairs, a desk that was probably the doctor's, and a big couch. And there were toys! She could see a whole bunch of games on the shelves, a dollhouse, and some stuffed animals sitting on the couch. “This is different,” was what she said. It sounded silly, but she felt like she had to say something or look stupid.

    Dr. Warren didn't say anything right away. “You can sit anywhere you like.”

    “Even on the floor?”

    “If that's where you feel comfortable.” She pulled out one of the chairs and sat down herself. Astrid almost wanted to sit on the floor, just to see if it was really okay, but thought the couch would be a better place. Once she was sitting, Dr. Warren said “Astrid, do you know why you're here?”

    “Because my grandmother wants me to live with her. And you're supposed to help out the judge so he can make up his mind.”

    “That's pretty much why I'm here. So let's talk a little bit about what we're going to be doing. Today I just want to talk to you for a while, and next time we're going to do a few tests.”

    “What kind of tests?”

    “Not the kind of test you might have in school. These have more to do with your thoughts and feelings than with stuff you can learn.”

    She wasn't certain if she liked that. “I think your feelings are supposed to be private.”

    “You don't need to worry. All I need to know is just an idea of how everything that's happening now is making you feel. If you think it might be too much to talk about, you can just say so.”

    That made things a little better. Astrid started to look around, still feeling funny inside.

    Dr. Warren started to talk. “You're in first grade now, aren't you? Can you tell me who your teacher is?”

    “Ms. Minoru.”

    “What do you think about school?” As she asked the questions, she wrote down something on some paper.

    Astrid had to think about it for a while. “I like school, mostly. I really like it when we read stories and I get to play with Julie.”

    She smiled. “Is Julie your best friend?”

    “Yeah. For a while Donny was just as good as she is, but now he's kind of like my brother, since Daddy's seeing Stephen.”

    “Stephen's your daddy's boyfriend, right?”

    “Yup. I knew him from when school began. Daddy tried to be his friend, but it was hard.”

    Dr. Warren nodded. “Why do you think that was? Is Stephen hard to be friends with?”

    She'd never really thought about it before. “I don't know. He's sad a lot, so that's not good. He used to be sad all the time, before he got his medicine. It made me sad sometimes when I saw him before he came and lived with us.”

    She thought the next question was going to be about Stephen's medicine, but instead it was “It can be real tough to see people when they're having a real hard time. How did he treat you then? Was he nice?”

    “Yeah. Stephen's always nice. He says sometimes he wasn't really good before, but I don't think he could be. Donny says he's the best daddy in the world.” Of course, she thought her daddy was the best in the whole world, but Stephen was pretty good too.

    Dr. Warren looked curious when she asked her next question. “How has it been having Stephen and Donny live with you?”

    “It's kind of nice having somebody who can play with you all the time. But I don't like having to share the bathroom. Donny takes a long time when he's having a bath or something because he couldn't do it before. And sometimes I don't know what to say to Stephen. But he makes Daddy smile, and that's nice.” She didn't want the doctor to think that it was bad having then around.

    “Why don't you know what to say to Stephen sometimes? Is it because he gets sad?”

    “No. It's because I did something wrong once. I tagged him, and he got all funny and scary. Daddy said it was something that happens to people sometimes, but I don't remember what he called it. He told me it happens because people hurt him real bad before.”

    She nodded. “That does sound like it would have been scary. Have you talked to Stephen about his getting hurt?”

    “No, not really. I told him I was sorry he got hurt, but he just looked sad when I said it. Daddy said he thinks that it's his fault he got hurt.” She still wasn't sure why Stephen felt like that, but it made her feel sad.

    “Astrid, have you talked to your father about how Stephen got hurt?”

    “Yeah. I didn't know about it until I saw my grandmother, and she called Stephen some bad names. I didn't know what they were 'til Daddy told me about them. He said that Stephen had to do some grown-up things with people to get money, and people hurt him then. I wish that they would get in trouble for doing that, but Daddy said that might not happen.” She understood that a little bit, since maybe Stephen didn't know who they really were. The only one Astrid knew in a way was the suit guy Donny had told her about, but she knew the police couldn't arrest you unless they knew who you were.

    Dr. Warren now looked like she was a little confused. “When you say that you didn't know about that until you saw your grandmother, do you mean that you didn't know what exactly had happened until then or that you didn't know that Stephen had been hurt at all?”

    “I didn't know he'd been hurt or that he did any of that stuff before then. I didn't know people would do things like that before, like hit you or call you names and stuff. Maybe in the movies or books, but not real people.”

    She looked sad. “Unfortunately I know a lot of people who've been hurt by others in ways like that. How did your grandmother tell you about that?”

    “She didn't talk about him being hurt. She just said he was a whore and a slut. I never heard those words before. I knew they were bad, though. It made me scared, 'cause I didn't know why she didn't like Stephen. She doesn't know him, so how can she not like him?”

    “Is that the only time you've seen your grandmother since then?”

    “I'd never seen her before then. And I don't want to see her ever again.”

    “Why is that?”

    “Because she wants to take me from Daddy. I don't want to do that.”

    Dr. Warren asked “Do you know why she wants to do that?”

    “Because of the stuff Stephen used to do. She thinks it's bad for me.” Astrid still didn't understand why that was so important to her. She didn't like thinking about that kind of stuff, but Stephen never talked about it so just having him there couldn't be a big deal.

    “Did she tell you that?”

    “No, Daddy did. But I could tell by the way she talked about Stephen that it was because she didn't like him.”

    Her next question was different than the other ones were. “Let me ask you something: what do you like best about your daddy?”

    It was a lot harder to answer that than she thought. Astrid took a while to give what she thought was the best answer. “Daddy always does stuff for me. And he loves me.”

    “What sorts of things does he do for you?”

    “Makes me dinner, takes me to school, plays with me sometimes. And he always comes in to tell me good-night, even if it's real late.”

    Dr. Warren wrote down a few things. Astrid hoped she was mentioning everything she said. “Can you tell me something you don't like about your daddy?”

    It was a bit funny that this question was easier than what she liked about him. “I don't like it when I have to go to bed early or he won't tell me stuff.”

    She seemed to understand that. “What things doesn't he tell you?”

    “Why I couldn't see my grandmother before this. It's good I didn't, since I don't like her, but Daddy couldn't have known that. So why did he do it?”

    With her hand on her chin, she said “Sometimes grown-ups have reasons for doing things that they don't think they can explain to children. Maybe that's why he didn't tell you.”

    It made sense. Sometimes she thought it might have been because Daddy knew his mother wasn't really a nice person, and didn't want her to have to spend time with her. “I like my Bunică really good, though. She's my mother's mother.”

    “You don't live with your mother, right? Have you talked to her about that, or to your father?”

    “Daddy says that my mother didn't think she could do a good job being a mom because she has to go so many places for work. I asked her about it at Christmas once, and she said that she doesn't think she'd do a good job even if she wasn't working. She said that she knows Daddy loves me, and she loves me too. I don't think she loves me like a mother does most of the time, though.” None of this bothered Astrid to any degree. Her mother had never been a major part of her life, and not having her there was just one of those things. Donny also didn't have his mom around, but she knew he didn't feel like she did about it. He didn't know what had happened to her or where she was now, so that was worse.

    “So you don't really miss her that much, do you?”

    “Sometimes I do if I don't see her for a while. But normally we see each other at Christmas, so it's okay if that's the only time I can see her. I see Bunică a lot more, because Daddy sometimes takes her with us when we go somewhere. She hasn't been to a lot of places before.”

    “Have you talked to your mother or her mother about Stephen? What did they say to you?” Astrid thought Dr. Warren might not be able to pronounce Romanian very well.

    “I told Bunică that Stephen's living with us and Daddy loves him. I haven't told my mother, but Daddy says she knows everything. Bunică was just happy Daddy's got somebody now. I don't know what she knows about Stephen. Daddy never told me that.”

    She took in everything that she was hearing. “If you could change one thing about you right now, what would it be?”

    This was the easiest question of all. “I'd make it so my grandmother is happy with Stephen and lets me stay with Daddy.”

    The answer made Dr. Warren look sad. She wondered if she'd said the right thing. “I can see why you would want that.”

    Astrid felt like she should apologize. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad.”

    “It's okay, Astrid. Sometimes things you say might make other people feel not so good, but it doesn't mean you shouldn't say them. It's perfectly fine for you to want everyone in your family to get along. Yes, it makes me feel sad that you don't have that happening here, but it's also very important that I know what you are feeling in spite of how I feel.”

    She liked the way Dr. Warren explained things. It made her feel better, like what she said wasn't so bad after all. “Sometimes I wish my family was more like Julie's or Donny's.”

    “What makes them better? Is it because they all get along?”

    “Julie's family does, and she's got aunts and uncles and cousins. I kind of wish I had those. But Daddy said when I asked him that both my grandfathers died before he or my mother could get brothers and sisters. And Donny doesn't really have anybody else in his family but Stephen and us, so nobody's ever going to try and take him away.”

    “Do you worry about getting taken away a lot now?”

    She nodded. “Sometimes I get scared that I'm going to see my grandmother by my school or someplace. It makes my stomach feel all funny when I do. Ms. Minoru says if I see her to tell her and they'll make her go away, but I don't want to have to tell her.”

    “Do you think that your grandmother might take you away before the courts says if she can?”

    Astrid knew she was crying a little bit when she answered. “Sometimes, yeah. I know she got mad at Daddy when he talked to her about what she said about Stephen. He said she had to be nice if she wanted to see me again. She must not have said yes, since I haven't seen her again. I don't know if she'd try to take me, but it makes me scared to think about it.”

    “Can you tell me what your father does for a living?”

    “He doesn't work like most people. He goes and raises money to help kids and animals instead. Daddy told me that we get our money because we have money.” It didn't really make a lot of sense to her, because if you had money then you really didn't need that much more, right? Shouldn't the money go to people who needed it, like when Stephen and Donny didn't have a home? Daddy had said that she was right, but it wasn't how things worked.

    Her next question was a bit different. “Let's just say that the judge said you couldn't live with your daddy anymore. But they also said you could stay with somebody else you chose. Who would you pick then?”

    Astrid thought for a while. She really wanted to say Stephen, but she could kind of guess that since he was living with Daddy she couldn't pick him. And since she didn't really think her mother could look after her, there was only one other answer. “Bunică.”

    “Why would you pick her?”

    “She loves Daddy, so I could still see him then. And I know where she lives really good, so it wouldn't be too different.” She felt the need to add “I would have said Stephen, but I don't think he'd be a choice then.”

    “You're right. Unless Stephen was living someplace else, he couldn't take care of you if your father wasn't able to. He might be happy to know you thought of him, though.”

    “You ask a lot of questions.” Astrid still didn't know exactly what she was supposed to find out by asking them.

    “That's true. It may seem like too many, but believe it or not they're all important to me helping out the judge.” She sounded like she'd had to answer that question a lot of times before.

    That thought led into her next question. “Do you do this a lot?”

    Dr. Warren blinked. “Talk to children? I do that everyday, because it's my job.”

    “I mean talking to kids about where they live and stuff. Do others kids have to see a judge, too?”

    “Yes, sadly. There are a lot of grown-ups who don't know how to make things better for children, so people like me have to go and talk to both children and judges. It gives me work to do, but I'd be much happier doing other things with kids besides that.” She sounded so nice when she said that that Astrid began to really like her.

    “Is that why you have toys here?”

    “I have toys in my office so that kids who are having a tough time talking about things can show me what they're feeling in other ways. It can be easier to talk sometimes if you're playing a game with someone instead of just sitting there. Do you want to play a game?”

    “No, I was just asking. Could we play next time, maybe?”

    “If we have time. Remember we're going to have to do some tests then. But I'll see what we can do.” She put down her pen. “I think we've pretty much talked about everything we needed to today. So we can stop for now. I will be seeing you again in a few days so we can do those tests.” She stood up and held out her hand. “It was very nice to meet you, Astrid. I hope you'll have a good day.”

    They shook hands and she went out to the room where Daddy was. He looked up from his book and asked “How were things?”

    “Dr. Warren was real nice. She asked a lot of questions. I hope I gave good answers.”

    “I don't think there were any good or bad answers to the questions she asked, just ones that were right for you.” They were almost outside now. “I hope it's not too hard for you to go back soon.”

    “It won't be, Daddy. We might even get to play a game.” The reason she had to go and see the doctor still was pretty bad, but Dr. Warren herself was a good thing. That might have been all she could hope for out of this.

 

* * *

 

    Out of all of the witnesses that had come forward in court, Pamela Warren could be said to have the most respect of her peers. Her work on the welfare of children during disputes over their custody was held in the highest regard, and there were few of her colleagues who would call her anything but positive terms. With all this behind her, Lily had never felt so confident calling a witness forward as she did right now.

    Dr. Warren was seated, and the first question Lily posed to her was “Dr. Warren, you have worked with Astrid Mordo on several occasions, correct?”

    “I have. The first time I main spoke with her to gain an idea of how well she understood the situation right now, and also to get more information about her family and their relationships. I also was able to perform some tests during one of our sessions, and observed her and Mr. Mordo interacting on our final time together.”

    Lily let all that sink in before going on. “What would you say your initial thoughts on Astrid were?”

    “Astrid appeared to be a well-adjusted child who has a strong relationship with her father. She did not seem to have any major problems with the people in her life, except for her maternal grandmother, who she said she was afraid of. She stated that this was because she was attempting to take her away from her home. Her reactions to the situation were entirely normal and well-within the realm of expected behavior for a child of her age.”

    “What led you to say that her relationship with Mr. Mordo was strong?”

    “She spoke about him in mainly positive terms, although did say there were things he did she did not like, such as making her go to bed.” Upon hearing this, Judge Parker could be heard chuckling quietly, and even Sara had a smile on her face. “Her being able to state negative aspects of her father gave me even more of an indication that things were going well between them. You see, during these types of disputes it is sadly quite common for whoever is caring for the child to instruct them to only say good things to whoever is asking them about their caregiver, so they have a greater chance of winning in court. Astrid being able to speak her mind on things she does not like about her father, regardless of how trivial they may be, shows a healthy level of boundary setting between them.”

    “What did you notice between them when you had the chance to observe them together?” Her first plan had been to ask her to explain why it was a good thing Astrid was speaking in a negative way about Karl, but Dr. Warren had taken care of that herself. Lily was once again reminded of how many times she had sat in the witness stand before, and knew all the ins and outs of presenting yourself.

    “During the first parts of their session together, both Mr. Mordo and Astrid seemed to be somewhat uncomfortable, but I feel that was due to me watching them. Astrid took time at the beginning to play with the dollhouse, and acted out a scenario involving invaders attempting to enter the home in order to take away the children who lived inside. They tried to remain hidden, but failed in doing so. She asked her father what he thought should happen next, and his suggestion was that maybe some neighbors or someone else they knew could help them out. He joined her in doing so at that time. Afterwards, they played Sorry! for a period of time. While doing so, they relaxed a great deal and were able to interact in what I believe to be a more normal fashion. During the game, they spoke about how they hadn't owned it before Dr. Strange and Donny came to live with them, and talked about getting a new one so all four of them could play together.”

    “What did you think about how Mr. Mordo interacted with Astrid?”

    “What I saw showed me evidence that the two of them have a loving relationship. Astrid appeared to be trying to use the dolls as a way of addressing her concerns about this case. Her father almost certainly realized this, but he did not directly bring up the matter. Instead he let her take the lead in dealing with her own feelings. That is the kind of evidence that demonstrates to me the ability to put your child's needs first. When someone is using a method of indirect communication to convey something, the last thing they are going to want is to have the matter brought up unless they make it clear they wish to. By offering a possible solution to the dilemma without openly speaking of their current problem, Mr. Mordo helped to ease her fears. By doing all of this, he showed that he understood his daughter's needs and how to handle them.”

    “At any time during your sessions together, did Astrid speak about her relationship with Dr. Strange?”

    “Yes, she did. She talked about how he made her father happy, and that she enjoyed spending time with him and thought he was nice. Astrid also talked a bit about what she had learned about his work beforehand. This knowledge was distressing to her, and she said it made her upset to know that people had hurt him in the past.” Her words were delivered in a straightforward tone, but there were traces on her face of understanding how much that knowledge hurt.

    Lily went forward with what she had. “Did Astrid explain to you how she had learned about the type of work Dr. Strange did?”

    “Astrid said that she had learned about it from her father, however she also said that her discovery of the information came about because of her grandmother referring to it in an indirect manner. After Ms. Krowler called Dr. Strange a whore and a slut she wanted to know what those things were, since she had never heard those terms before. Mr. Mordo did explain to her somewhat what they meant, although the exact details were not given.”

    “Do you feel that the knowledge she was given was appropriate for her age?”

    “Yes and no. Yes, in that I believe that if this information had to be conveyed for any reason that Mr. Mordo addressed it properly. But I don't think that she should have had to learn anything of that manner right now. Astrid is just about seven years old now. In my opinion, that is far too young to have to learn any details about prostitution. At this age, children are only beginning to understand the basics of how babies are born and how they are conceived. While I do not know why Ms. Krowler chose to tell her granddaughter these things, I feel it represents an error in judgement.” Her tone and facial expression betrayed her disappointment at how the information had been given.

    Kaecilius looked for a moment like he was going to object. He remained silent, and Lily wondered if it was because he'd gone against Dr. Warren in the past. He knew that she would be able to get across what she was feeling about that even if her statement about Sara was stricken from the record. She wasn't looking forward to the cross-examination, since Kaecilius was certainly not planning on holding anything back. Dr. Warren was tough, and she hopefully could take whatever was thrown at her.

    “What would you say about Astrid's knowledge of the court case? How do you feel that that has been explained to her?”

    “Astrid has clearly been told that Ms. Krowler believes she would be better off living with her, and she knows that the judge is going to listen to me and others to help him decide what is best for her right now. She also understands to a degree that one of the reasons we are here today is because of the type of work Dr. Strange did in the past. I don't believe that she was fully able to understand why this was the catalyst for the hearing, because the overall level of comprehension of the idea of sex work remained at a child's level.” Every time she spoke, one could imagine a child being put at ease from whatever problems might have brought them in to her office.

    “Does that tell you anything else about what Astrid's upbringing might be like?”

    “In a way, yes. After she learned something about the work Dr. Strange was involved in, Mr. Mordo could have given her far more information than she was ready to hear. He did not, and tried to keep everything on a level that would be easier for her. Astrid's words about what his work entailed – 'doing grown-up stuff' – are roughly what I would expect a child of her age who is not exposed to such things would say. This makes me fairly certain that there has been no coaching involved in her speaking with me.”

    Jumping with that, she asked “How would you tell if Astrid was being coached, and what would the reasoning behind that be?”

    “Normally when a child is being coached to say something they speak in a way that sounds like an adult is talking. They'll use words or phrases that don't sound like children's speech. For example, if I ask them why they have come to see me, a four year old might start talking about custody arrangements. Now maybe you know some astute preschoolers who use that term on a regular basis, but I think most of us can say that sounds very odd coming from a young child. Odds are if a child is speaking like that, that someone told them to say it. You also would look to see if the child is speaking in overall positive or negative ways about whomever is in court. Do they only talk about how one person is just perfect and never does anything wrong and the other one is the devil in disguise then they are almost certainly being coached. And as for the why? If one of the parties appearing in court feels uncertain about their chances of winning they might decide to stack the odds in their favor. Typically the person doing this doesn't think that much about how their actions are going to impact the child. Since in almost all of these cases both parties are parents, then you have to understand that a child is now being told that a part of them is bad because it comes from their bad parent. That hurts one's self-image as they grow, and can cause problems with relationships as time goes on. Black and white thinking is harmful to everyone, but children have even less of a framework in which to handle it, increasing the harm.” Dr. Warren looked over at Karl as she spoke. Lily hoped it was to send a silent message of support to him.

    “But you did say that Astrid did not appear to have a high opinion of her grandmother. Might that be an indicator of some type of coaching?”

    “Two things lead me to believe that this was not the case. First of all, Astrid was reluctant to talk about her feelings for Ms. Krowler. A child who has been coached normally will start talking about how much they hate the person they are speaking against as soon as possible. Second, she also said that she did not know her grandmother well but would like to see her if she promised to not say mean things about Dr. Strange again. So she was willing to attempt to have a relationship, which is uncharacteristic of children being coached. I would also add that her expressing more negative feelings about her father tend to point against the idea that she was being influenced, as that typically doesn't just go one way.”

    Right now Lily opted for a bold decision. She asked for a brief recess, which wasn't really needed as she knew exactly what she was going to be saying. But she wanted to give a little bit of time to let Dr. Warren's words sink in, and a break would do so. She also thought that taking a little time to gather her own thoughts would help. The next part of what she was asking about was child development, and it would be helpful to have time to go over the notes she'd made during Dr. Kendrick's testimony. There was so much material they could possibly cover, and knowing what was best would make things go better.

    So Lily reviewed her papers, waiting for the next part to begin. And then Kaecilius would get another chance to crack open a witness. With their history, things were certain to go poorly, but how bad it was remained to be seen.

    All they could do was wait.

 

 


	39. Dueling Views

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily completes speaking to Dr. Warren, and Kaecilius gets his turn with her.

    Following the break, Lily opened up with her first question. “Dr. Warren, I would like to ask you some questions on child development. Is that all right?” The last part may have been slightly excessive, since of course she could ask whatever questions she wanted of her witness. But it sounded polite, so she did so.

    “You may do so.”

    “Thank you. There have been issues on proper attachment raised before this court. Most importantly, it has been stated that children form a bond with their mothers even before they are born, and by not being with them they will suffer consequences later on in life. Is that true?”

    Her words were quite firm. “Absolutely not.”

    “Then can you explain for us how the process occurs?”

    “I will. First of all, the idea that it is essential for a child to bond with their mother is based on outdated ideas stemming from the early days of research into attachment. In virtually all these cases children were cared for primarily by their mothers, so naturally it would look like the only way for them to bond would be with their mother. But more modern research has shown that children will do fine as long as they have people who are engaging with them directly, regardless of who they might be. Fathers, other relatives, and even people who are unrelated to them can all do an excellent job of forming those bonds. Additionally, children do not really start to develop attachments until they are around six months old. Before that, they either do not comprehend the differences between people around them or lack object permanence. When an infant doesn't know you exist unless you are right with them, there's no real chance for a bond to form. That's one of the reasons I tell parents of babies to go out when the child is between three and five months old, since they aren't going to be bothered by your absence then. So it is impossible for a child to be affected by being separated from their mother at birth, or before they have the capacity to understand they exist outside of their frame of reference.”

    “If by any chance a child was denied the opportunity to form those bonds during that time frame, what would happen to them?”

    Dr. Warren smiled before speaking. “First of all, I must emphasize that it would be extremely rare for this situation to occur. In order for a child to not form bonds with anyone during the critical phase, they would have to be either mostly ignored save for their basic needs, or have so many different caregivers they have no opportunity to develop an attachment to any one of them, like in some badly-run orphanages. Clearly, this isn't very likely to happen. But in the even that it did, a child would grow up with impaired social abilities. They would either be withdrawn and avoid interaction with others, or they would be overly friendly with everyone, even strangers. But their interactions with people in that case would be rather superficial, and it would still be hard to get close to them. If there was neglect of their physical needs as well as their emotional ones, you would see delays in other areas, such as cognitive processing. However, I once again must say this would be extremely rare. I can only think of a few cases where children I have seen have been so affected. It's far more common to have a child bond even with the most unable caregivers, in spite of how they may be treated.”

    Lily went on to state “So from what I can gather here there is not much chance that this will happen to Astrid Mordo.”

    “I am certain that it has not. I would have noticed some of the signs of challenges in forming relationships when we spoke if that were the case. And there is no reason for it to be so. Astrid has had her father as her caregiver for her entire life, and there have been no questions raised about the quality of care she has received. Her mother has not played a part in her childhood, but since this absence has been a constant in her life instead of a current issue there should be no problems in that regard.”

    “Then it doesn't hurt children just to be separated from their mother?”

    “In most cases, it would. But that wouldn't have anything to do with some mystic bond that is formed between a mother and child. If anyone you have had a relationship with leaves you, there will always be a sense of loss. Children handle that loss worse, because they don't normally have experience with people leaving, and therefore cannot draw on their own resources to deal with the loss. Losing a caregiver also leads to a feeling of uncertainty over what will happen next, which is not good for one's mental health. But as I said, all of this is dependent on what kind of relationship you have. Astrid has never really had a standard mother-daughter bond in place, so her mother not being a major part of her life is just a fact for her, not something she feels sorrow about. There might be more to see there if she was left in the dark about what her mother is like, but they do see each other a few times a year so that's not an issue here.”

    The next question was focused on the other major party in the case. “Dr. Warren, what could you tell about Astrid's relationship with Dr. Strange?”

     “Since I was not able to directly observe any interactions between the two of them, I had to base my conclusions on what Astrid told me. She doesn't seem to think of him as being a direct authority figure, but then again they've only known each other since the beginning of the school year. Her main thoughts of him are as being the father of Donny, and also as Mr. Mordo's boyfriend. I would expect as time goes by Dr. Strange will become more of a parental figure to her, but for now they are developing a good relationship.”

    “What did Astrid say that leads you to believe that?”

    “She talked a bit about how much Donny loves his father, and also said she thought her father was happier having him in his life. Also, she was able to show empathy for the things that have happened to him in the past. The fact that Dr. Strange was homeless for some time was something that clearly bothered her, and Astrid wished she had been able to help more. His accident was another area where she felt badly for him, saying that his hands hurt him an awful lot now. All and all I didn't see anything that made me question the nature of the relationship they have.”

    There was still one are left for Lily to probe. “Dr. Warren, in your opinion how would Astrid be affected by being made to leave her home?”

    Dr. Warren's mouth had the corners turn down as she spoke. “It would be a challenge for her from the start. Astrid has never been to the Krowler home before, and would find it an unfamiliar environment from the start. Her school would be different, her friends would be far away, and by her own words she knows no German so there would also be a language barrier in place. This would entail a great deal of stress in her life. What would make all this even worse for her is be absence of her father. The biggest constant in her life has always been the presence of Mr. Mordo, and all of those other factors would be made even worse if she does not have the support of her father during that time. Now, if I could say that the changes were all necessary for her well-being, then I could understand why things had to be that way. But from everything I have seen and heard, there is no real reason to remove Astrid from her home. Nothing I have seen indicates she is being abused or neglected, and the problems Dr. Strange is said to have do not seem to be the type that pose a risk to a child. And even if I thought he may be a potential source of harm, I still can't see how putting her through such upheaval would act in her benefit. Consistency is the word for helping children to cope with life. In the absence of any necessity, I must say that such a move would do her more harm than good.”

    It was the perfect finish. “No more questions, your Honor.”

* * *

 

    Kaecilius wanted more than anything to soon get the chance to go after Dr. Warren. She'd been a witness against him in several cases, and for that reason alone he hated her. But even if he'd only known of her via her work, he still wouldn't have liked her at all.

    What the dislike came down to was at its heart a question of philosophy. Kaecilius saw his first duty in court being to his clients, and no one else. All his clients had children, of course, otherwise he wouldn't need to represent them. But he wasn't there to do anything for them. If what his client desired was going to cause their children any problems, then that was just too bad. Whoever paid the bills called the shots. He did end up using children in some of his media campaigns, as long as it would put his client in the best possible light. If the kid didn't want to be there, then Kaecilius couldn't give a damn. The court may have been making decisions about the children, but they themselves weren't something he concerned himself with.

    Pamela Warren held the exact opposite view. For her, the only issue that should be coming up in a family court when children were involved was how to make things better for them. The adults who were in this situation needed to get over themselves and find out how to do that. So no matter which side hired her, there was a chance that they would end up leaving unhappy. But quite a few of her clients valued that view of hers. He'd only once had a client suggest using her, but after giving out his spiel about how terrible she would be for their case and how badly things would end up turning out the issue was never brought up again.

    Another problem with her was that she was very well-informed on the literature relating to children's welfare. Kaecilius preferred to go over only those things that supported his case, but Dr. Warren was someone you could count on being able to challenge any weaknesses in the work. All too often he'd found that his own witnesses tended to not be able to address those issues before someone else ended up bringing them out. These factors added up to one of the most dangerous people to his clients that he'd ever known.

    Lily hadn't had to do very much while she was examining her witness, limiting her questions to those that would be expected. Some of what came out wasn't going to be very useful – Kaecilius wasn't stupid. He knew that Karl loved his daughter very much, and would be considered by most to have done an excellent job in parenting her. His stupid desire for the slut didn't mean that he hadn't been a good father prior to that. If he tried to argue otherwise, he would look foolish. Other plans had to be made.

    He went first with what would be the most obvious method of attack. “Dr. Warren, you did not meet with Dr. Strange while you were evaluating Astrid, did you?”

    “I did not. My main focus was on Astrid herself and how she related to her father.”

    “But why would you neglect to look into someone who occupies an important role in her life? Would you always choose not to look at a romantic partner of a parent, or was this an omission on your part?”

    She was calm as she said “I did consider having Dr. Strange come in so I could see how he and Astrid got along, but I ruled against that. Given that Astrid has only been living with him for a couple of months now, I didn't think my findings would mean all that much.”

    “But aren't you denying yourself crucial information if you do not look into all the important figures in a child's life? How can you say that your findings wouldn't mean much in that case?”

    “Well, there comes a point when you have to decide who is important and who is not. Dr. Strange is an important figure in Astrid's life right now – but he's not yet a parental figure. His role in her life is too new for that to be the case. Her relationship with her maternal grandmother seemed to me to play a larger role in her life, but I didn't ask for her to come in either.”

    “Did you at least speak with her grandmother? Wouldn't you think she could impart some useful information here?”

    “While I did look into speaking to Ms. Morgu, it wasn't possible for us due to the language barrier. She speaks no English and I know no Romanian, so it would have made it impossible for us to talk.”

    “And there were no other ways for you to communicate? Couldn't you have gotten the services of a translator?” He knew fairly well that most of the time in a situation like this the only important parties would be the parents of the child, and perhaps another relative if they were the ones going to court. A grandparent, especially one who lived outside of the country, wasn't a necessity for a proper evaluation.

    “If Ms. Morgu lived in the area, or could travel to see me, then I may have done so. But the only way we could have spoken would be over the phone, and any translator would then have to relate my words from a distance. Understandably, I felt this would be an unneeded stress in formulating my report.”

    Time for something else. “You have stated you feel that Mr. Mordo and Astrid have a strong relationship. Yet you have also said that you were only able to observe them together once. How is one time enough for you to come to any real conclusions about a parent-child relationship?”

    “I may have only been able to witness interaction between the two of them once, but I also was able to talk to Astrid on more than one instance. Her words about her father played an even greater role in what I feel the two of them feel for each other. Over the years, I have talked to many children about what they think of their parents. After a period of time you start to be able to tell when you are seeing a good relationship. I relied on my judgement from those years of experience to come to my conclusions.”

    “And have your conclusions in the past always been correct, then?” He was goading Dr. Warren, hoping to see her lose her composure. He'd tried the same thing with Karl a day ago. From what Kaecilius knew of his past lover, pushing him could eventually cause him to break loose. He hoped that he might be able to provoke a reaction and therefore use it in the court case as evidence that Karl wasn't as good a parent as he first seemed to be. After all, would a good parent end up lashing out at their mother's attorney, knowing all that was at stake here?

   “No more than anyone else's might be. I can speak of numerous times in the past where I overlooked something important, or misjudged some piece of information I was given. Can I say with one hundred percent certainty that I'm not doing the same here? No, but I would also say that neither could you. And I will go by my experience and say that nothing in either my interviews or test results from Astrid Mordo showed me the relationship between her and her father was strained in any way.”

    “Were there any signs of future trouble in those test results?”

    “The biggest problems I saw in the testing came from Astrid's stress over possibly being taken from her home. When asked about things she wished were different in her life, having her family get along was the biggest desire shown. The threat of being removed from her home was the biggest fear she expressed, and and she mentioned having bad dreams as a result of that. But I saw no real signs indicating a maladjusted personality – in fact, I would be more concerned if she didn't seem to be upset over all the upheaval in her life.”

    “And why would you say that? Wouldn't it be better if she were more able to adapt to potential changes in her life without too much worry?”

    She looked appalled. “Mr. Sorenson, Astrid is a seven year old child. She hasn't developed that skill as of yet, because it comes with time. A few months of uncertainty may not be as big a deal for an adult, but that same period of time reflects a far greater portion of the life of a child. Looking at the situation with that in mind, why would one expect to have her accept what might happen? If I were to tell you that in a few months you might have to leave your job, start working elsewhere, and would also have to move half a world away, who would be surprised if you had to take a little while to adjust to all that?”

    He couldn't really give an answer to her. Say yes, and it would sound like he was not taking anything he was doing right now all that seriously, if losing it didn't bother him. But if Kaecilius said no, then it would be all that much harder to argue that Astrid shouldn't be feeling the same way. He chose to say “But couldn't her father help prepare her for what is to come in some way?”

    “He could, but the emotional effects would still be there. I might even go so far as to say that if Mr. Mordo treated this as something that was going to happen no matter what, then Astrid might feel even worse. It might seem like he doesn't care all that much about her staying where she is, and would make her feel abandoned by the one who loves her most. In that case, the effects of having to leave her home would be compounded.”

    “But children leave their homes for many reasons, such as going away to school or to summer camp. Sometimes they even leave against their will. No one is saying that in those cases harm is caused, so why is the mere act of leaving home going to be so traumatizing for Astrid?”

    “None of the situations you are discussing are anything like what we are seeing here. In both cases, when the child leaves home they know they will be returning at some point in the future. Astrid would not have that knowledge in this case. Additionally, going to camp is normally something the child would like to be doing, so it can't be compared to anything that happens against one's will. I have also done a small amount of research into sending children away to school, and based on what I have seen this is not a good idea until one reaches the period of adolescence. The major reason I feel this is best is that up until that point children still find themselves needing their parents in various ways, and a prolonged period of absence does them no good. At older ages the need is decreased, although I would still hope that the parents would remain in touch on a regular basis if their child were to go away to school.”

    The fact that Dr. Warren had apparently looked at the issue of whether or not to send your child away to school came as a surprise to Kaecilius. It wasn't an issue he'd ever thought would be something you needed to know about unless you were spending part of your career focusing on that issue. He knew that in the past she had spoken about how custody arrangements needed to take into account the fact that spending more than a month away from either parent wasn't a good idea until a child grew older, but the school issue wasn't one she needed to know about. It did make sense that if she advocated for children to not spend too much time away from their parents at young ages that a boarding school experience would also seem to be too much. Struggling to regroup, he asked “So do you think that parents should never leave children until they reach adolescence?”

     “No. Learning to deal with a period of absence from a parent is part of growing up. But most of the time those periods shouldn't be over an extended period of time, unless work or military service keeps the parent away. In those cases the best thing to do is to ensure that there is some manner of contact maintained, and that the absent parent is kept a part of their lives in other ways. I was not made aware by any other parties here of how any form of contact with Mr. Mordo might be undertaken if Astrid were to go and live with her paternal grandmother, so one could not look and say the problems with lack of contact were being dealt with.”

    “Would your opinion of what would be best for Astrid change in any way if you felt the issue of contact with her father was being addressed?”

    “No. Keeping her in contact with her father would make the overall move somewhat less of an ordeal, but the overall experience would still be very difficult. I must point out that I only look for other forms of contact in the event that it is impossible for one of the parents to remain close enough to have a normal type of relationship. The quality of the relationship in that case is always going to be of a lesser quality than it might be otherwise, so if there is no reason to keep the child from one of their parents why do so?”

    “So then should children be forced to see parents who are clearly unfit?” Not that it really mattered to him what happened to a child who lucked out in the parenting department. He knew for a fact that a percentage of his clients were people you would never want to be trusted around the care of any child, but he still made sure they could keep their children with them. As long as they got out alive, why did it matter?

    “Unfit parents are a different story entirely. In cases where spending time with one parent is putting the child at risk contact must be reduced down to an acceptable level. In some cases it means that there can only be shorter visits that do not involve overnight stays, but do not require the presence of another. More often visitation should be held in a neutral site where the interactions between parent and child can be carefully watched so that the risk of harm is brought down. Only in the most extreme cases of harm should a child be denied any form of visitation with a parent. It's a sad fact that no matter how much mistreatment children endure in almost all cases they still want their parents to love them and treat them better, even if there is little chance of that ever happening.”

    The response given by Dr. Warren was essentially the same as what Dr. Lewis had said yesterday. Even with that extra weight coming in, he still thought that the best course of action would be to press on. “But you have spoken before about the issue of how a child feels losing a parent if they have played a role in their life up until that point. Wouldn't children of unfit parents feel the same way when they were taken away?”

    She by now was looking at him with the expression of someone who has been forced to deal with someone who annoys them for an extended period of time. “Of course they would feel that way. But you also have to understand that this issue is about relative harm. In virtually all cases where children are taken from their homes there will be some manner of trauma. So what you have to ask yourself is whether or not that trauma is worse than the risk of leaving the child in their home. If the answer is no, then that is when action needs to be taken. A child who is showing signs of serious mental distress, evidence of serious physical abuse or sexual abuse of any sort, extreme neglect – those are the things that would make me want to take a child away from their home. And so far not only have I seen nothing that makes me believe any of these things are occurring to Astrid Mordo, but there has also been nothing put forth by any other witnesses here that speaks of any such risks being present.” 

    Kaecilius knew what she was saying was true, and even though he thought that being near it was a bad thing for a child he also knew from his own experiences dealing with it that it had at least made an effort to keep its child away from its whoring around. And if he couldn't go and say it was that bad, there was no real way to say Karl might be even close to that level. “Might the manner of work that Dr. Strange was involved with have a negative impact on Astrid's sexual development?”

    “I tend to say no. She's not a witness to any of the things he may have had to do, and isn't being given information that gives too much detail for her. Also, since Dr. Strange is no longer working in that field Astrid's overall exposure would just be from the time her grandmother told her what he had been doing before.”

    Going along this path wasn't doing any good. Kaecilius switched topics. “Dr. Warren, you earlier said that you believed that Astrid hadn't been coached because of the fact she was able to speak about her father in a negative manner. But might it be possible that all she was coached into saying were negative things about her grandmother, without anything being said about Mr. Mordo?”

    “Not really. You see, it wasn't just the fact Astrid was able to criticize her father that led me to believe she wasn't coached before meeting me. There was also the way she spoke of her grandmother. She didn't want to spend very much time talking about her or what she might have done during their visit together. A child who has been coached into saying negative things about someone normally is going to want to say what they were told to say as soon as possible. One of the better examples I have is a case where a woman was telling the court she didn't want her daughter around her ex-husband because he was an alcoholic. When I first met with the daughter, the very first thing out of her mouth was how her father had driven her around with a beer in his hand a lot of times. Red flag, right there – that's a very personal thing to share with someone you just met. Another case involved a boy who started off by telling me that his mother's new boyfriend had watched naked people movies when he was there. Both of these statements might have seem spontaneous if you weren't experienced in knowing how children talk about sensitive issues. It's been said that those sorts of remarks are the most accurate kind you can get, but it's not really that way. Most of the time it takes a little bit of talking before a child can say something, especially about a parent. So why would they come out and say it right away? Because in most cases, they don't know when they should say what they were told to say. Just getting whatever they need out there seems like the best choice most of the time. Also, you need to see how they respond when you start asking them questions about what they said. The boy I mentioned earlier wasn't able to give any details about what else had happened in the movie he was supposed to have seen, or even if the people there were touching each other in any way. If he was telling the truth, then he should have been able to at least say something relating to what was happening. Astrid only told the story about what happened with her grandmother after being asked if she knew how Dr. Strange had gotten hurt. She also only said that Ms. Krowler had alluded to his past rather than giving her graphic details. A coached child will normally be told to say far more than just that, so the lack of anything else strengthens her account. I also asked her in our second session if she had been told to say anything about her grandmother to me, and she denied this.”

    “And how likely is it she would be telling the truth when you asked her that?”

    “More than one would think. It's been shown in studies that children will normally back down when they are confronted on a false statement they have been made to make. Astrid only responded with confusion when I asked her about that, not knowing really why anyone would do that. Accordingly, I don't feel there was too much of a chance she was told to say anything that she said.”

    He wished that she would just give him an opening. Typically you could find some area where whoever you were speaking with could get attacked in some form, but Dr. Warren held strong against whatever he tried to throw at her. Kaecilius knew that he was going nowhere by trying to imply that Astrid had been ordered to say anything about his client, so he now needed to see if there was anything else he could say. He hated to have to end his cross-examination so soon, but what other areas could he cover now? Astrid didn't like spending time with Sara, and he may have not felt her feelings mattered in the matter, Judge Parker probably wouldn't agree with him. After a period of silence, he made the choice to end things for now. “No more questions.”

    He sat down, wondering who was going to be up next. He privately hoped it was going to be that Dr. Palmer, just because he still felt angry about how their meeting had gone. Humiliating her on the stand would do a large number on his embarrassment there.

    But the man in the stands who was looking quite comfortable being here clearly wasn't her. It had to be that doctor that the whore was seeing now. He had heard that lots of people spoke highly of this Dr. Drumm, although there was a name he had been called that made him look forward to speaking with him. Dr. Drumm looked over at Karl and Lily, and gave them a smile. Kaecilius rolled his eyes.

    A part of him hoped that it had shared some of the stories of the things they had done over the years with him. Maybe even he could get to hear about some of them again. He would have been happiest if Dr. Drumm had gone and told it about how disgusting and horrid it was, but doubted that things would have gone that way. Well, he'd had more time than the doctor to get the message across, so he could hope his message had stuck.

    Karl and Lily were talking about something that he couldn't hear. He wished that he could have a real conversation with Karl at some point, because a large part of Kaecilius still wanted him in his life. If there was only some way to make him understand that while if he just wanted to fuck around for a while then the whore was a good choice he needed more if he wanted a relationship!

    But Karl could not see, no matter how much its unworthiness was thrown in his face. And now he was here today, caught in a situation of his own making. When he lost his daughter, maybe then he would understand how it tainted everything it touched. And then Kaecilius could see how he could benefit from everything himself.

 


	40. The Professional

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jericho comes forward to talk about Stephen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now I've got a good idea of how many chapters we're going to have left, but I'm not putting an actual number until I've come close to the end.
> 
> I'm also planning another story, but it won't be connected to this one. Given the content, I don't know if people who like this one will read the other one, but it's something I would like to tell.
> 
> Jericho's assessment of what Stephen was like prior to his accident is in large part based on my own reading of his character from the comics, although I think it can apply to the movie version as well.
> 
> Warnings: talk of rape/non-con and suicidal thoughts.

    “Your honor, I would like to call Dr. Jericho Drumm to the stand.”

    Out of all the witnesses who were going to be coming to the stand, Karl had dreaded the appearance of Dr. Drumm more than any other. It might have come as a surprise to Lily that he had almost opted out of coming today when he realized who else would be coming forward, but there was a sad logic to his dread.

    Dr. Drumm's sole purpose in coming to court was to talk to them about Stephen's mental health and how he was dealing with his problems. Karl already knew a great deal about his depression and PTSD and how his life was affected by them, but there was a good chance that he would be hearing far more than that today. Because in order to properly relate how Stephen's problems were impacting his life, Dr. Drumm had to talk about what exactly had caused those problems. Which meant that today he was likely to hear more details about Stephen's former life than Karl had before.

    Out of all the things Stephen had been through while he was being forced into prostitution, Karl knew of three of them: the party, that time in the woods with Kaecilius, and the woman who'd wanted to spend time with Donny. In their own ways, each one had been horrifying to hear about (and from what he knew that time in the woods might have been the very worst thing Stephen had endured, although he'd never confirmed it), but with the amount of times he'd been with clients over the period of time he'd been working, those were only scratching the surface of what he had endured. And how was Karl going to handle coming home after hearing even broad strokes of the traumas that had been inflicted? Would he break down? Rage? Try to see if there was any way he could find out who some of those monsters were and make them pay? Or just put on a brave face and act like nothing had happened?

    The end of the week was going to give him some relief, as then he would be attending Pat's group for the first time. The idea was still quite nerve-racking, but Pat had told him it wouldn't be necessary to say anything if he felt uncomfortable with doing so. He only hoped that hearing from other people who were in the same boat as him was going to make a difference.

    Lily started off gently. “Dr. Drumm, you have been Stephen Strange's treating psychiatrist for some time now, correct?”

    “I have been seeing Stephen for around three months now, yes.” From the beginning there was a difference in the way Dr. Drumm talked as opposed to their other witnesses. Since he was familiar with Stephen on a more personal level than they were, he used his first name when speaking of him. If Karl hadn't heard his grandfather referring to his mother in the same way, he might have been more worried about how this would sound to Judge Parker.

    “Can you tell me about how you met him?”

    “The day before we met, I was contacted by Karl Mordo who told me that his friend had just tried to kill himself and he was terrified of what might happen if he didn't get help soon. My schedule was mostly full then, but thankfully I was able to open up a space the next day for Stephen.”

    “What happened then?”

    “During my first meeting with him, I observed that he was showing signs of a serious depressive episode. Stephen was withdrawn in his demeanor, appeared to be underweight, and reported disturbances in both sleep and appetite. On a scale of one to ten, he described his level of suicidal thoughts as being a seven at that time. I gave him a questionnaire to take home to get a grasp on how badly depressed he was. When he gave me the results a couple of days later, I realized immediate action needed to be taken.”

    “By immediate action, what do you mean?” Lily sounded concerned as she spoke, even though she most likely knew what Dr. Drumm was speaking of.

    “When you are dealing with a patient who is depressed, normally I look to see how they can improve their functioning in small ways. Setting a proper sleeping schedule, eating on a regular basis, or just getting out and performing some tasks that might not have been getting done before – for people with more mild cases of depression these things along with therapy can make a huge difference. But in more severe cases you might not have enough time to get those strategies in place. Given Stephen's attempt at suicide as well as how strong his depression appeared to be I felt that starting him on a course of sertraline was the best option at the current time.”

    “How did that end up working out?”

    “It was only partially successful. After I increased the dose from the initial level I placed him on, Stephen was able to eat more and had a more regular sleeping pattern. Unfortunately, even with those issues showing some resolution there were still many problems to be had.”

    Karl found himself impressed with how easily Dr. Drumm was soothing his his fears without his even realizing it. So far nothing was coming up that was going to lead to discomfort later on. Maybe things would turn out alright.

    Lily went on. “What sorts of problems did you see then?”

    “It wouldn't be accurate to say I was seeing them only then, because fairly early on in our sessions I suspected Stephen was suffering from PTSD. The very first indication I got of that was during our first meeting. I asked the usual questions about his work history, and he started to hyperventilate and asked if I had been told he was a whore.” He stopped for a second, not seeming to like having to refer to the matter in such a way. “He calmed down a bit after I assured him that I was only asking to know how he was doing now, but the reaction stuck with me. In our second session, he described how he had become involved in sex work in a very flat tone, with no major emotion coming across. This wasn't because of his depression, because Stephen had shown some level of emotional response to other questions placed before him.” 

    “Did he bring up anything else that led you to believe that he was suffering from PTSD?”

    “In the same session, he also spoke about how a few days ago while eating a sandwich he had become sick and attributed his sick feelings to having had a client who enjoyed eating the same type of sandwich when they met up. I didn't receive any details beyond that he liked to make him bleed. He also stated that there had been similar incidents occurring ever since he had gone to live with Karl, although later Stephen would tell me he had been having bad dreams for many years prior to that.”

    Lily asked “Many people report having bad dreams. What made you think that Dr. Strange's dreams were something different than just that?”

    “The content of said dreams. Stephen, when he has been able to talk about his nightmares, has said that they are all either reenactments of things that have happened to him or are of his former clients coming into his life to continue torturing him.”

    Kaecilius spoke up for the first time since they had started presenting their case. “I object. The term torture is far too extreme to be used here.”

    Dr. Drumm responded. “With all due respect, your honor, I hope that I can explain why I chose to use such a term as I go on.”

    Judge Parker thought it over for a brief period of time. “Overruled, for now. But I do expect you to make it clear why you have used such a strong term in your description.”

    “Thank you. I will do my best to explain myself. When I spoke with Stephen for the first time about his work, he described a very grim situation. According to him, he could not ever express a preference for what he wanted to do with someone, or he ran the risk of not getting compensated for whatever they did do. Furthermore, he said that he would also probably get beaten up if he did protest in any way, so he never refused to do anything, with one exception. So I would say that having to go into these types of situations having no idea what you might be made to do or how you might feel about it to be a form of torture.”

    The words he was hearing were starting to make Karl's stomach turn a bit. He wondered how many things Stephen had been made to do that he wouldn't have otherwise. There was some gratitude in not having to hear any details as of yet.

    Lily did not ask about what the exception was, which came as a bit of a surprise. Instead her next question was “Did Dr. Strange tell if he ever had any way of possibly knowing what might happen with a client?”

    “Stephen did say that he charged differently based on what he did, and sometimes an arrangement could be made ahead of time as to what his compensation might be. But there was no guarantee that it would be followed. In fact, he said that one of his more regular clients was notorious for withholding money at the last moment for whatever reason he deemed acceptable.” As Dr. Drumm said that, his eyes drifted over to Kaecilius for a moment. It wasn't hard for Karl to guess why.

    “That would be difficult, but I haven't heard anything that so far would indicate that this would lead to the development of PTSD. How did Dr. Strange talk about his clients?”

    “While I would say that having that uncertainty hanging over you each time you met with a client would be traumatic, what Stephen has been able to tell me indicates he was the victim of systemic abuse during that period. He said that if he managed to get away with just being called names then it was a pretty good time. Most of the time he would be verbally degraded, and reminded of how terrible it was for him to be a prostitute. It wasn't uncommon from what I have heard for him to be insulted for whatever actions he performed, even if he was ordered to do so. Stephen has also said that after a while that he stopped even counting how many times he would be subjected to physical violence with a client. All of these things were likely compounded by his status as both a homeless person and as a father to a son. While he has not said such, I feel that Stephen was more likely to go along with people he knew were going to mistreat him as long as he was able to get some money for Donny. This would have had a devastating impact on his overall self-image.”

    “Dr. Drumm, you used the word systemic to describe what was happening to Dr. Strange. Can you elaborate on what you mean by that?”

    He smiled for a fraction of a second. “I would consider systemic abuse to be abuse that is long-lasting, and is also pervasive in one's life. Whenever Stephen went to meet a client, he had a fairly good expectation that he was going to be harmed in some way, whether it be physically, emotionally, or sexually. The exact nature of the harm wasn't known to him most of the time, just that it was likely to happen. And he had no other options if he wanted to make certain that he had enough for his son, so he had to live with it each day. By his own guess, around half the clients he saw knew he was a father, and they may have used that to make him go farther than he might have under less duress. Another factor here is that Stephen never knew which days he was going to see a client. There were times when he was able to make arrangements for when he would meet with clients, but most of the time they reached out to him. Most of the time he would meet them between three or four times a week, but without knowing what days those would be Stephen was forced to live constantly on edge, always having to anticipate some type of harm. He also had few other contacts with people outside of his clients, so in a way it would have felt like everyone he knew wished to cause him harm.”

    “You have spoken about the presence of sexual abuse in Dr. Strange's life. Can you tell me if he has ever spoken about that with you?”

    “Stephen has disclosed two incidents of rape to me in our sessions, and has alluded to a third. The act of speaking about those acts was highly distressing to him. When speaking about both of them, he asked me to not look at him as he spoke and he took some time to speak of what had happened. But even during times when he was not outright sexually assaulted, from what he has told me he was still often subjected to sexual abuse. For example, I would say that being made to participate in sexualized role-playing even though the content of said role-play was felt to be degrading by him would also fall under the umbrella of sexual abuse.” Even without using any major details, Karl was still hearing enough to make him want to run home and just hold Stephen in his arms while promising no harm would ever come to him again.

    Lily's next question followed with “Dr. Drumm, would you say that you feel sex work is inherently abusive?”

    A firm head shake. “There are circumstances when I would say that it is abusive to be involved with sex work. There is absolutely no doubt that someone who is underage or who has been coerced into such work by others is being abused. An adult who independently makes that decision may end up experiencing abuse, but the actual act of doing so does not entail such. In Stephen's case, it's harder to say whether or not this would be the case. By his own account, he was not forced into starting work by anyone else. Yet the manner in which he began to work in the sex trade wasn't exactly an independent choice. According to him, he was at the end of his rope, with no money left, a baby to feed, and had not been able to find any other sort of work for a lengthy period of time. When someone came up to him while he was begging and offered him fifty dollars for sexual intercourse then what else could he have done? And that client would set the tone for most of what the rest of his work experience would be like.”

    “By setting the tone, what do you mean? Was there something about that first person that caused trouble?” Lily most likely didn't know who exactly that first client had turned out to be. There had been no reason for her to hear that part of the story.

    “From what Stephen has said, his first client became his best regular. However, while the first time was nothing out of the ordinary, on all subsequent occasions he was the victim of verbal abuse at the very least. He told me that he considered it a lucky break if he left being able to move without too much pain, or if his hands felt no different than normal. The client was also responsible for referring others to him, and it can be inferred that the people he sent may have shared his outlook in how to treat sex workers. But he also said that after seeing him he had to make certain that he at least looked like nothing much had happened as Donny became older, because otherwise there would be too many questions asked. Stephen was adamant that his son never know what he was doing to earn a living, and shielded him from that knowledge as best he could.”

    “How did Dr. Strange act told shield his son from his work? Did he give you any specifics on what he did?”

    “Stephen said that he always called his clients friends on the occasions that they made any contact with him in the presence of his son. He also virtually never took him along for any of the encounters he had, by either leaving Donny with the one person he could trust or by making sure they happened when he was in school. To the best of my knowledge there was only one real time that Donny had any direct interaction with his work, and that happened on his first birthday when Stephen brought him to a client's home. Donny was not personally present while Stephen was performing sexually, but even having him in the same area was very disturbing to him, and it took quite a bit before he could tell me the story in therapy.”

    She did not ask her next question for a few moments, whether it was because her planned line of questioning hadn't worked the way she wished or because what Dr. Drumm was saying was disturbing her beyond what she expected. “With everything that you are describing having happened, how might that affect Dr. Strange's mental health?”

    “Well, the most blatant effect one would see would be the various manifestations of his PTSD. Stephen has reported a variety of things that will either trigger anxiety or flashbacks when he encounters them in some way. At the very worst, he will find himself like he is directly back to whatever the incident was that caused the trigger in the first place. More commonly, he will be face with intrusive images that dominate his thoughts until he can ground himself in some way. But the most pervasive aspect of everything that has happened is how Stephen sees himself. He believes very much that he is worth far less than anyone else around him, and that if he is hurt in some way that it is only what he deserves to have happen. I don't believe that this attitude comes entirely from how he was treated while engaging in sex work, but the sheer level of self-hatred is undoubtedly an artifact of that. Again and again, Stephen was told he was disgusting, pathetic, worthless, and only fit to be used for sex. When those words were compounded by physical and sexual violence, their impact was even greater than it would have been by themselves.”

    “If Dr. Strange's negative feelings about himself do not entirely come from his work experiences, then where did they begin?”

    “When you are dealing with something as complex as self-image, there often isn't a way to determine what molded it. From what I have heard he lost a family member in a fairly traumatic manner when he was younger, and has said that it hit him hard when he started dealing with patients that he could not help while he worked in medicine. Stephen also looks to be the kind of person who feels what others do in an intense manner, and he for many years hid behind an arrogant persona that pushed away most of those around him. That helped to protect him for a while, but his accident and subsequent loss of everything in his life pulled the mask aside and made things worse in the long run.”

    Karl felt glad that a professional seemed to agree with him on what Stephen had been like prior to his accident. He'd known a few people in his life who acted the way Stephen had described himself as being before, and it was impossible to imagine any of them changing themselves to such a degree as he had. None of them would have ended up homeless because they didn't want to impose on others they knew. It was much more likely that they would have gone and taken whatever they could from those people, while constantly bemoaning how unfair life had been to them. Stephen had tried to fix things on his own. That said something about what he was like deep down.

    Lily asked “You said that Dr. Strange had a persona of arrogance. Can you tell us what you mean by that?”

    “A persona is something that a person puts into place to display themselves in a way they either feel comfortable as or that they wish for others to see. There are personas that are put into place so that people can better interact with others in society, and there can be ones that are placed in order to keep one's self protected. In cases where a persona is not maladaptive, then the person using it will act in a manner that is more fitting when they are outside of a situation that requires it. In Stephen's case, he never allowed anyone to see him as having any emotions other than pride and arrogance, and he played the role so well that he started to think it was what he was really like. When I've probed through some incidents in the past, he has at times admitted that he might have had differing emotions during those times, but he normally denies he could have felt that way. It is his firm belief that he is at his core a selfish man who may not be capable of caring for anyone else in the world.”

    “Do you feel there is any basis for this belief?”

    “No. If Stephen was describing himself in an accurate manner, then he would certainly be diagnosed as having some kind of personality disorder, which I have not seen in him. His own behavior also does not support the idea of him possessing such a degree of selfishness.” Dr. Drumm was as firm as Karl could imagine when he answered.

    Lily asked what he thought might be her next question “Could you give us a definition of what a personality disorder is, and why you do not think Dr. Strange has one?”

    “A personality disorder is a condition that involves enduring maladaptive patterns of behavior and thought that are persistent and enduring throughout time. The behaviors are also inflexible and are resistant to change. Stephen has said he believes that he may have a narcissistic personality, but that is rather unlikely. If he did suffer from that condition, there would be little point in trying to help him in therapy, because his own ego wouldn't let him admit to having been wrong or be able to acknowledge that he may have harmed others. And one of the biggest areas that we have been working through in our therapy is his guilt over how he may have treated others in the past. If I were to take him at his word, then Stephen would have never done anything for anyone else in his entire life. Given that at the very least he has been able to raise his son without too much trouble, that must be untrue. Stephen also tends to try and avoid any major emotional displays in front of me and most likely others, because he feels by doing so he might be manipulating them. A personality-disordered individual wouldn't see much of a problem with doing so, either because they were only thinking about how they felt as opposed to how someone else might react or just due to a desire to make people feel a certain way. You can also look to the fact that Stephen had reported no major issues during his childhood, and most cases where a personality disorder is present the signs exist from an earlier age than adulthood.”

    “So if Dr. Strange had a personality disorder, you would not expect him to change to any major degree, even with everything surrounding his accident.” This was less of a question and more of a statement.

    “Exactly. His accident has always been something that he says he is responsible for. By his own account, he tried to read a text that was sent to him while driving, and that was what caused his accident and injury. Stephen has never said that it was the fault of the person who contacted him – it's always about how stupid and foolish he was for having allowed himself to be so distracted. There is also the issue of how Stephen wound up being homeless in the first place. After all of his savings and other assets were spent in an effort to find a treatment that would restore some of the nerve function in his hands, he felt that he had nowhere to go because people around him thought he'd gotten what he deserved. If he were as self-absorbed as he claims to be, then it wouldn't be too much of a big deal for Stephen to go to one of the people he knew and tell them that unless he was given a place to stay he would be out on the streets. I asked him why he didn't try to ask anyone for some help before hitting the streets, and he said that he didn't want to take advantage of anyone. Not the attitude I would have expected from a man who believes he is narcissistic.”

    “Wouldn't it be possible that his accident would lead to his personality changing to a significant degree as a result of what happened?”

    He shook his head. “Assuming that we were dealing with a personality disorder prior to this, it wouldn't happen without some major brain injury. The biggest problem in dealing with someone like that is that they are not capable of seeing their behavior as causing problems or as being the wrong way of doing things. If Stephen fit this profile, I would expect him to talk a great deal more about how unfair everything was and how if only he'd been given a chance to try and speak with everyone then he could have gotten himself a great job even without being able to work like he did before. His behavior instead is all directed at how much he is to blame for everything, and that he does not deserve to feel happy because of this. With all of that, I can say with virtual certainty that Stephen does not have a personality disorder and therefore is much more likely to be helped by continuing in therapy.”

    Karl had to stop for a while himself to think about everything he had heard. He knew that it could be hard to place blame on others who had done some type of wrong to you, and with the way Dr. Drumm talked about Stephen it seemed like he was exactly the type of person who would take those things personally. Since he'd started living with the man, Karl had gone and looked for whatever he could find about what Stephen had really been like back when he was a surgeon. No matter what he saw, even when Stephen was acting so arrogant you wanted to slap him, he still maintained that his original view was the correct one. On the surface he was selfish and unthinking, but if you watched closely you could see the mask falling away. It was so subtle most times that he wasn't even sure if Stephen knew it was happening, but it was there.

    Now Lily changed gears, getting to the heart of the issue. “Dr. Drumm, given what you have seen of Dr. Strange and what you know of his health problems, how would you say his presence might cause problems for Astrid Mordo?”

    “I would look at two major areas. The first one is how someone with major mental health issues would interact with a child. For that, I don't need to make any guesses, because I have heard Stephen talking about Donny on many occasions. While there is often a great degree of guilt due to how he had them live for so long, there is also a great deal of love and affection. The only times he has spoken about any difficulties he had while raising Donny alone, his blame has been entirely self-focused. Stephen has said that while he may not be worthy of the life he now has with Mr. Mordo, his son deserves all that and more. His statements about times he felt like he failed his son when he could not find a good place for them to stay or provide some of the same things that other children had also speak of how much value he placed in Donny's welfare. What should also stand out here is that at no times did Stephen blame him or talk about how life would have been easier if he did not have a child around. Even with the challenges a child brings, he ultimately only looks at the joys Donny has given him. It's yet another sign of him lacking the traits of narcissism that he claims to possess. Someone who has those traits would likely only feel pride in their child if they did something that reflected well on them or if they themselves wished to achieve such a thing. His relationship to Astrid is still forming in some ways. Before they started living together, he was glad that she was friendly to his son, but admits that he would try and avoid spending too much time with her because of her father's efforts at befriending him. Due to his work and his living situation, Stephen could not accept any overtures of friendship in part because of fear of what might happen with his child if the truth came out and partially because of how he feels that no good person would want him as a friend. The biggest challenge he now faces in regards to Astrid is the court case. Understandably, Stephen feels that he is the source of all of the trouble that is occurring right now and that he must do more to alleviate the stress that is now coming in Astrid's life. Her problems are the cause of serious distress for him, and he wants to try and do more things with her like a parent would, but is still not certain of whether or not he should try and take up the role to a greater degree.”

    “Has Dr. Strange given you a reason for why he is not trying to take a greater role in Astrid's life?”

    “Part of the reason is that he does not know how long he is going to play a role in her life. Until his relationship with Mr. Mordo has reached a point where it can be regarded as being mostly stable, Stephen does not want to play a major role in Astrid's life only to have to leave her, because that will just lead to more pain in the long run. I suspect that over time this will change. And there is also the issue of Stephen's perception of himself. He has said that sometimes the reason he feels he has not tried to back away more from Donny is that because his son is still expecting him to look out for him. Otherwise, he would be doing less because by being around his child so much he runs the risk of harming him the same way he has hurt others. By harming others, Stephen means that he will take advantage of them or manipulate them to do or feel what he wants. I don't think that he would do something like that, but in his mind if he does something as simple as cry in front of someone that is a form of manipulation which should be shot down as soon as possible. I've said that it's not healthy to never show anything in front of children either, but when I stated this Stephen then told me that if that was true he should just leave everyone's life so that there would be no chances of harm. He backed down from that when I managed to convince him that Donny would hurt even more by losing the one person he had throughout his entire life than he would by knowing his father had feelings.”

    In some ways this was more shocking to Karl than anything else he thought he might have to hear. Stephen seriously thought that  _Donny,_ of all people, would end up being hurt by being around him? Donny, who had never wavered in his affection even after learning that most children did not live a life like he did? Who was so obviously well-loved that you could tell that after a brief meeting?

    There was an even more disturbing thought. When Stephen had said he thought about leaving, did he just mean finding another place to stay, or was it something even worse? 

    Lily went on to say “But you don't agree with that.”

    “I think that some of Stephen's reluctance is understandable, since he really doesn't know if he will remain a lasting presence in Astrid's life. But the majority of it isn't particularly rational, because there is nothing about his personality or mental health that poses a threat to anyone. I would guess that there are thousands of children in the city who have parents who are even more seriously afflicted than he is, but many of them are able to successfully parent children without being brought into court. Even when those parents have serious personality disorders it still takes quite a bit for concerns over their care to go into court for the sake of the children. Stephen may have issues that he is trying to work through, but they are not going to cause harm in my opinion. And it must be said that he is making a good effort to try and work with his problems by faithfully attending his sessions with me each week. That motivation tells me that he is at least willing to try and change things instead of letting them remain stagnant. And that alone is enough to give me hope for the future.”

    It must have seemed like a good place to end, because Lily said “No further questions, your honor.”

    Overall Karl had come out of Dr. Drumm's testimony better than he thought he might. He hadn't expected things to go like they had with Dr. Lewis and Dr. Warren, because both of them had tried to talk as much as they could about the positives of Karl and Stephen. Dr. Drumm however had the most experience in dealing with Stephen's problems, and he clearly made no effort to sugar-coat them. But all of that had to come out, because it would be ridiculous to make the claim that Stephen was perfectly healthy and had no problems. What helped here was his talk about how his problems affected him. Listening to Dr. Drumm speak, you understood that the greatest danger with Stephen was not his being around Astrid, but rather in what he could do to himself. Heartbreaking as it was, Karl knew that Judge Parker had to learn about how Stephen saw himself so he could understand how Astrid might be hurt via her interactions with him. Being a threat to one's self was always seen as better than posing one to others (although Karl wasn't always certain he agreed with that).

    Kaecilius now was making his move to the stand, clearly delighting in the chance to question him. Karl could only hope that Dr. Drumm was able to handle an experienced attorney going after him. He hoped that he now knew that Stephen had shared who he was to his doctor. As he went forward, Kaecilius gave one of his sinister smiles to Karl. He hoped it wasn't a portent.

 


	41. Taking a Stand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaecilius questions Jericho.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: talk of past abuse and rape/non-con.

    Jericho had first prepared for going to court by briefly speaking with Ms. Tate about what might happen. She'd seemed to know what she was doing, but then again he didn't know all that much about law. She'd started off by asking him a question. “Dr. Drumm, I've been looking into your background and reports from some of your patients, just so that I'm aware of anything that might come up. But there was one thing that I saw that gave me pause. A few of your former patients described you as 'the voodoo doctor.' Is there something you can tell me about that?”

    The concern on her face made him want to laugh. “Well, it's certainly an accurate statement. I am a doctor, and I'm also a practitioner of vodun, so that's not wrong in any way.” Of course, he knew fairly well that most people's knowledge of his religion came from some old horror movies or something related to zombies. His own vow was that unless a patient specifically asked about his beliefs he wasn't going to talk about it. One's spiritual system didn't need to play a role in one's professional life.

    There was a large sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God. I thought that they were saying you were a quack or something. The last thing I wanted was to have Mr. Sorenson bring in a list of people who think you're incompetent in what you do. You really can't defend against personal opinions like you can against facts.”

    That had been the point that he'd officially become fond of Ms. Tate. She'd had a good reason to ask the question, so he didn't feel too offended at being asked it. If she had gone further into the issue Jericho might have started to tell her more about what he believed in, but it was all fine. “I'm glad we could clear that up.”

    “There's one other major issue here. Do you know about who Ms. Krowler's attorney is?”

    “Unfortunately I do.” The sheer unlikelihood of the lawyer that was hired here being one of the worst people for abusing Stephen made him shake his head. “Both Stephen and Karl told me about their concerns relating to him. I'm of the belief that Stephen shouldn't be going to court if he runs the risk of encountering this man again. It would cause a great deal of harm to his mental health.”

    “That's another thing I'd like to ask of you. If you can, I'd like you to write a brief report for the judge explaining why Stephen's mental health will suffer if he's made to come into court every day. Please don't talk about his history with Mr. Sorenson – that's a dangerous area to go into. It should be enough to mention that talking about how he got his PTSD, which I know we're going to have to do, will end up causing him trouble in the long run.”

    “I should be able to do so. Is there anything else I should know about beforehand?”

    “Just be on your toes. Mr. Sorenson is a ruthless man, and he will tear you to shreds unless you're ready for him.”

    And now Jericho was waiting to be questioned by him. He'd only managed to slip up in regards to him at one point earlier, when talking about how Stephen could not always expect to be paid in full or maybe even at all. He couldn't help but look over at the man then, knowing he was one of the ones who did so on a regular basis. Mr. Sorenson had given him a smirk as he glanced at him. He regretted having done so as soon as he did, but the feelings of anger he had talking about what the man had done still brewed over.

    He hoped that he would be able to keep a measure of control over himself as he spoke today.

    Mr. Sorenson waited for a while before speaking, just pacing around with a smile on his face. “Dr. Drumm, did you know anything about Dr. Strange prior to his meeting you?”

    What a silly question. “No, I did not. That would be the standard for what I know about my patients, unless I'm referred by another doctor. Then I can get a profile before we first meet. Otherwise I don't start to make any assessment until I have had a chance to speak with my patient for the first time.”

    “So you didn't get all the information you could before making a diagnosis?”

    “That would only be true if I had come to all my conclusions after only one meeting. I normally don't consider something like a diagnosis to be set in stone. A patient could appear in their first meetings to have one problem only to start showing signs of a very different one later on in our therapy. So I believe you could say that I am always looking to gather more information about a patient, regardless of what their diagnosis may be.”

    “By your own account you said that you were able to say that Dr. Strange suffered from depression after only two meetings, correct? How can you say that you were still looking for information then when you had already come to a conclusion?”

    Jericho inhaled, and tried not to think about how he hated this man. They had barely met, but knowing about the pain he had caused Stephen and others made it hard to think of Mr. Sorenson in any other way. “If someone comes in to see me showing signs of depression, and mentions they have tried to kill themselves recently, then I am going to operate under the assumption that they are experiencing some manner of a depressive episode. Yes, it may be possible that Stephen wasn't suffering from major depression at the time we first met, but his questionnaire results showed no signs of manic symptoms or evidence of a thought disorder. With those two options ruled out, it made sense to proceed with the treatment I would prescribe for a depressed patient.”

    “Yet you said that you do not normally start medication so quickly. Was there something that made you opt for the sertaline so quickly?”

    What was the man trying to imply? “It's one of the SSRIs that I have found to work fairly well in patients who are experiencing more serious cases of depression. There can be side-effects, but it also normally is tolerated well by most people. I always try to start someone on a low dose until I can see how it is affecting them. If there has been no change in mood but also no negative effects, then I may look into seeing if a higher dose or a different medication in conjunction might be a better option.”

    Mr. Sorenson nodded, but this did nothing to make Jericho feel at ease. “If I recall correctly, hasn't sertraline been linked to violent episodes in some of those who take it? Given the presence of young children in the house, how could you run a risk like that?”

    “To start off, the percentage of people who have experienced an increase in violent thoughts following taking any anti-depressant is low. From what I have read in the research, some of those cases were people who should not have been taking the drug in the first place due to their condition making it an unwise choice. Second of all, the number of people who have acted out violently following taking the drug is an even smaller number, and most of them had a history of other types of violence prior to their taking the medicine. Stephen did not have any of these issues, and I wanted to try to be more proactive in his case with what I had learned.”

    The answer wasn't what he wanted to hear, but Kaecilius did look like he knew he could go no further with this line of thought. “Dr. Drumm, you have said Dr. Strange was abused by its clients, correct? May I ask you to provide some examples of that abuse for us?”

    He couldn't have been so foolish as to call Stephen an it right here in the courtroom. He must have misheard him. Giving details wasn't something Jericho wanted to do – he had promised Stephen that he would not talk too much about the things he had shared in their sessions. Naturally he would have to speak about his clinical conclusions into Stephen's mental state, but the shared confidences they had were a different subject entirely. After some thought on the issue, he found an answer that seemed workable. “One of the more common forms of verbal abuse directed at Stephen was in regards to his sexuality. He's said that he's known he's bisexual for quite a long time now, and has had relationships with both men and women in the past. However, some of his clients were aware of this fact and mocked him for not being able to decide what he liked or trying to deny he was gay. One client he spoke of was a woman who kept asking him if he'd ever really been with a woman, and if he really knew how to please one. She said that he should pick a side instead of trying to have it all, which isn't really how sexuality works. There would also at times be men who would ask him during sex whether or not he'd ever go back to seeing women after them. Overall, if any client knew about his sexual identity they were likely to belittle it or to tell Stephen he was wrong in how he saw himself. That would be a form of verbal and emotional abuse in my mind.”

    There was one thing that had been said that Mr. Sorenson jumped on right away. “Women, you say? Dr. Drumm, surely you know that the numbers say that essentially all of those who seek out sex workers are male. Shouldn't have something like that told you Dr. Strange was lying?”

    That hadn't been something Jericho thought he would need to prepare himself for. “There have been surveys done that have shown a higher percentage of women seek out sex workers than one might think. And it has to be said that we as a society have a difficult time looking at women in a lens of them being sexualized. If someone was conducting a survey about the frequency in which people visited prostitutes, but only talked to men under the impression women would not want to act in such a manner, then it would certainly appear that only men were doing so, because you never asked any women. When sex workers themselves have been questioned it has been shown that more of them than you might think report having female clients.”

    “But you have also said that many of Dr. Strange's clients were abusive to him. Even if we accept that there are more women than we think seeking out sex in such a way, how many of them are likely to be abusive as well? That is also something that falls under the umbrella of being unlikely. Did you not start to question the stories you were being told when you heard that?”

    By now he didn't know if he should feel offended by the assumptions that were being made. “In my experience dealing with people, I find that there are no limits to what people are capable of doing to each other. To make any assumptions that a given group of people will always behave in a certain way leads one to disaster. If I were to do so, I would likely miss a great deal of important clues that people give me in how to help them.”

    “So do you always believe whatever it is a patient tells you, no matter how unlikely it sounds?”

    “I look for clues in both what I am being told and in how the teller responds. If someone tells me something that cannot be true, I then try to figure out why this is the case. Are they genuinely unaware that this is not really what happened, or are they being deliberately deceptive? The answer to that question sets the tone for how I will handle things from that point onward.” He wished that he would just come out and say that Stephen had to be making up his stories. At the very least, it would be honest. Perhaps not honest in the traditional meaning of the word, because Mr. Sorenson knew perfectly well that Stephen had been harmed by his clients, no matter who they were.

    “Wouldn't it be better for the process if you were to try and find out the truth of what a patient was saying on your own in some way?”

    “No, because my first priority in therapy is building up trust between my patients and me. And how would you propose I find the truth? Should I go and try to find those who knew them at the time of what they said happened, or do I need to get something more tangible? Do I need to have a confirmed statement by all parties involved of what really happened? If I was a legal authority, then I might need to do more then just listen and judge, but in my role right now I feel comfortable doing what I do.” Jericho did not enjoy having to say this. He trusted Stephen's word, and knew that if it had been anyone else questioning him they likely would have conceded he knew what he was doing. Kaecilius Sorenson knew that Stephen was telling the truth, but enjoyed painting him as a liar. He had to wonder if that kind of reasoning was one of the reasons he could do the things he did.

    “Well, you could ask for something along the lines of medical records. Wouldn't that serve as some manner of proof?”

    “I suspect that there would not be many medical records to be found in Stephen's case. To start with, given the line of work he pursued he might not want to have to deal with questions he would get if he were physically harmed in any way that may have required medical attention. Second, there would be the issue of money. He had no insurance and no real assets during this time period, so a visit to a doctor or ER may have been a luxury that Stephen couldn't afford. Finally, much of the abuse Stephen went through wouldn't have left any real marks on him. The emotional abuse and verbal degradation had a profound impact on his mental health, but you couldn't get a doctor's report about that. Even much of the sexual abuse wouldn't have resulted in something that could be medically documented.”

    The smile on Mr. Sorenson's face confirmed what Jericho had thought before – he was enjoying talking about these issues. “Yet you said earlier that Dr. Strange had told you about two occasions where he was raped. If there was force involved, how could there not be any manner of documentation?”

    That was it. He was through playing nice. As he spoke this time, he made certain his gaze did not leave the eyes of the attorney questioning him. “Let me give you an overview of how something like that could happen. If you were asked to come to someone's house, and they gave you a drink that they had drugged with something, then there would be no need for force to be involved. Additionally, if the victim was the penetrating partner as opposed to the one being penetrated, then it would be expected that there would be even fewer signs of physical damage.” Stephen had had such a difficult time disclosing that story. The overall telling had taken a great deal of their time together, and they'd gone over as Jericho tried to tell him that it didn't matter what kind of sex act had been done during the incident – what mattered was that he had been unable to do anything about it. He still had kept insisting that he should have known better than to have the drink, even when it was pointed out that there was a chance of violence if he refused it. His next response had been to say since he hadn't been the receiving partner it therefore couldn't have been rape, but Jericho had shut that down by saying that if someone made you have sex with them when you were incapacitated it was unquestionably rape. Stephen had been in such a state afterwards that Jericho had made certain that Karl would be staying with him for the rest of the day, just so he could guarantee there would be some measure of safety.

    As he spoke, Mr. Sorenson closed his eyes, and a frightening smile spread on his face. Jericho knew better than to think he might feel some shame over hearing what he had done being made public, but there was a chance he would be nervous over having it come out. But the only emotion that could be seen was pleasure. Stephen had said that the incident wasn't the only time he'd done something like that, but did not go any further than that. The stories that he was willing to share all indicated that Mr. Sorenson was a man who was capable of inflicting violence whenever he wished to do so, and enjoyed it. He thought that it might have been a mistake to describe the incident, but also knew that he had few other options. The first time Stephen had spoken about being raped, he had talked about a couple who had enlisted him for their fantasy of a threesome. And that story couldn't have been used because of the fact a woman was involved in the act. Given Mr. Sorenson's reaction to the idea that women might have even sought Stephen out as clients, there was no way that he could even allude to one working to commit sexual assault.

    He did wonder now if some of the skepticism expressed was an act. If Mr. Sorenson had referred people to Stephen, then he might have known some women to send his way. Jericho suspected that even if he truly believed that the vast majority of people who sought out a sex worker were male that he knew it was possible Stephen's experiences didn't fit in to the norm. The man clearly knew how to manipulate people, because it was only now that the idea had come to him.

    With a pleased smile on his face, he went on to ask “According to you, Dr. Strange has been the victim of systemic abuse during his time as a prostitute, correct?”

    There were multiple ways this could turn out, and none of them were good. Jericho opted to take a strong stance, saying “Not just in my opinion. I feel that anyone who heard the details about what Stephen went through during that time period would agree that this was quite clearly a case of abuse, no matter what you called it.” His gut was telling him that the major argument was going to be his use of the word systemic, and he only hoped he'd cut off that line of questioning.

    Mr. Sorenson instead chose a path Jericho hadn't thought of until he said it. “Now, from what I know the typical person who is forced into sex work is normally a young woman or girl who has met someone that draws her into the trade gradually, correct? What would you say the numbers are for older men who by their own accounts were homeless and begging when they began such work? Doesn't that strike you as being implausible in the extreme?”

    He made an effort to go for the offensive. “Are you saying that you can always give an exact profile of a sex worker, Mr. Sorenson?”

    A death glare. In a chilling tone he said “Dr. Drumm, I am the one asking the questions, not you. But Dr. Strange is an affluent man who has an advanced education as well as a respected career for some time. Do you really think that he could not find work any other way? Why would someone who had so much drag themselves so low?”

    “You need to remember everything that led up to that. Yes, Stephen possessed a great deal prior to his accident. But following that the medical bills added up quickly. Anyone who's had a serious medical crisis knows that the expenses mount up fast, especially if you can't work the way you could before. So Stephen had nothing left by the time he was forced into the streets. Then of course he found himself caring for his son. There wasn't much of a chance for him to pull himself together because he had no place to go. None of the factors you mentioned would have made a difference when Stephen was living on the streets, unable to make himself look like a man who you would want to hire for some position in the medical field. How many people would look at someone who was begging to get by and think that they might be a doctor who suffered a major injury?”

    “But wouldn't someone looking for a sex worker want a young person? How could it be that Dr. Strange somehow was able to find so many people who thought that an individual like that would be the best fit for their needs?”

    “Based on what I have heard, the people who tended to hire Stephen weren't concerned with age. What they wanted was someone who would do anything and everything they liked, no matter how dangerous or abusive it became. Some probably were interested in him because he was a man, and that was how they prefer their sex partners. Besides, most people his age don't find it too hard to get someone to sleep with them. Why would things be any different if you were looking to hire someone for that as opposed to meeting them in some other way? I might also suggest that someone who would be more 'in-demand' could also be more able to decline offers from time to time. Stephen, with his need to provide for his son as well as their desperate financial situation, couldn't take chances with rejecting a client. That would have made it easier for people to take advantage of him.”

    “And there were no other options but to allow people to do as they chose? At no time could Dr. Strange have fought back against someone who was trying to cause him harm, or made some manner of report to the police?” The smug tone coming out of him made Jericho want to scream.

    “If Stephen had opted to fight back, then he would have certainly ended up losing the patronage of whoever he was fighting against. Given that he was already living on the streets and struggling to get by, losing even a small amount of income would be a bad idea. And there would also be the danger of being reported to the police for his actions. If losing a client would be bad, getting arrested would be even worse. And that would also tie into why he wouldn't want to go to the police if something happened, because Stephen knew he was also engaging in illegal activity. Any attention from the law ran a strong chance of making it so that his son would be taken away from him, and that was something he would do anything to prevent. The only option that would lead to an acceptable outcome was to just give in to whatever it was that someone wanted. Then there was a chance he could at least get some money out of all that. How else should he have handled things?”

    “Instead of turning to sex work, would there not be the option of going to a shelter or some sort of charity? Can you really say that there are no resources for homeless people in the city of New York?”

    “There are, but one can see by walking through the city that there are always ones who slip through the cracks. Many of the charities that seek to help those in need can't always provide what is necessary for all who need it. And the problem with shelters is that most of them have a policy of keeping adult men away from children. This works out in most cases, but what about in a case like this one where the only carer for the child is an adult man? If Stephen were to seek a shelter's help, he would have found himself separated from Donny for a period of time until he could get back on his feet at the very least. Worst case situation, he would have his son taken away from him for good. All of these things made seeking help not an option.”

    “But there was nothing keeping Dr. Strange from trying to pursue other work, work that might have been less difficult. If he could gather up enough money to look respectable, could he not have found work that would utilize his education in some way?”

    Jericho now knew that Mr. Sorenson referring to Stephen as an it had been no accident. Every time he used the word he his face scrunched up in distaste, as if saying the word was offensive to him. He did his very best to keep his voice level as he said “At first that was his plan. But it was far more draining than he first thought to have sex with strangers. Donny's needs also took up more money than Stephen planned for. And over time, as he kept on working, the idea of going back to a more normal life became harder and harder to imagine. Eventually, he gave up all hope of ever rejoining the world, because he felt that he was too tainted by all he had done to go back to before.”

    The exact time this had happened, according to Stephen, was shortly after the incident in the woods that he so far had only been able to allude to. “I knew what I was after all that. That was when I gave up the idea of being able to have a normal life with Donny someday. From that point onward it was all about just getting by.” The resignation in his voice spoke volumes about both how the incident had affected him as well as the pain that realization had brought. 

    And he knew perfectly well the cause of that incident was standing in front of him now. He hoped that some of his anger could be seen in his eyes, and wished with all his heart that Mr. Sorenson could grasp the nature of the damage he and others had caused. But most likely he already knew that, and simply didn't care.

    There was a certain level of relief in the next question, because it didn't focus on Stephen's experiences in a direct manner. “Dr. Drumm, in your opinion is Dr. Strange ever likely to regain his mental health to a level it was prior to his time on the streets?”

    The question had to be handled very carefully. “There are no absolutes when dealing with human emotions or medicine. No one would expect for a doctor to be able to say with certainty that you will be cured of some terrible disease, because there are no guarantees in treatment. I can say that currently Stephen and I are working together to help him through his troubles, and that we will continue doing so into the future.” It wasn't as honest as he knew it could have been. Truthfully, Jericho didn't really know if all the damage that had been done could be repaired. Stephen had so internalized the way he was treated that progress in therapy was slow, and he took any setbacks as being proof of what a terrible person he was. He still held firm to the idea that Stephen would get better – but  _better_ wasn't the same as  _well_ . It was likely that he wasn't going to be able to have a sex life anything like the one he'd had before in the near or distant future, and who could say how that might affect his relationship with Karl? And this whole hearing on Astrid wasn't helping matters at all, seeing as Stephen held himself responsible for Ms. Krowler coming into court. At the same time, Jericho refused to say that the situation was hopeless and Stephen would never get better, because he doubted that was the case either. Just having Stephen come to see him twice a week indicated that he was trying to make things better, and that spoke well for the future.

    “Have you seen any major degree of progress during your time together?”

    “Mr. Sorenson, we have been seeing each other for only a few months now. Compared to the length of time that Stephen was living on the streets that is only a small fraction of time. While I have seen an alleviation of his level of depression, I do not expect to see major progress as of yet in treatment of his PTSD, simply because working through one's traumas is by its nature a much slower process. There is no medication I can give to cause those effects to go away.”

    “Have you seen a greater degree of progress in other cases like this one?”

    “Not usually, no. Normally in the beginning we start to focus on how one might have been feeling at the time of the trauma, and start going forward from there. Seeing someone go from traumatized to well in only a few months would be unheard of in my experience.”

    “But there could be different rates of recovery, correct?”

    “Yes, but not within such a short time. If the trauma that happened was a one-off thing you might see major improvement within a shorter period of time, but prolonged traumas take longer to work through.”

    “But you only have the word of Dr. Strange that any of what was supposed to have happened is true.”

    Jericho stared at him face on and said “Yes, but I believe him.”

    Whether or not that made a difference wasn't clear, but Mr. Sorenson said “No further questions, your honor.”

    It was over. Jericho was glad to get off the stand. He looked over at Karl and Ms. Tate. She looked for her part like she was pleased with how he had done during the cross-examination. Karl was another story. He looked to be quite upset, and it wasn't a challenge to guess why. He asked as he walked over “Are you alright?”

    Karl blinked a few times. “That story you told... was it from real life?”

    Jericho only nodded. “I hoped that it might make Mr. Sorenson feel a bit uneasy, knowing I know about him. But he looked to be enjoying the telling of it.”

    His face turned into a scowl. “I should have guessed he would enjoy hearing about what he did. When I confronted him in his office, he was happy to start telling me about how I could use Stephen in a similar way. And when I heard him talking about how it was impossible for Stephen to have female clients... He damn well knew that was true, because he invited one over once to use him at a party along with other people. I wish I could have gotten up and told Judge Parker about what Kaecilius is really like, and why he took the case.”

    Jericho was hoping that the man in question wasn't able to overhear them, but he looked to be gathering his things together. “Are we done for the day?”

    Ms. Tate was the one to answer him. “Yes. The next witness is Ms. Minoru, and she's taken tomorrow off to come here. I wasn't certain about having her come, but she's seen both Stephen and Karl with the children and will be giving a valuable perspective. I hope that Kaecilius isn't too hard on her. She seemed a bit nervous when we spoke a few days ago.”

    Having also dealt with the man, Jericho felt sympathy for her. He'd met others who tried to intimidate you so they could get what they desired, and if you weren't familiar with how to handle it things could get overwhelming. “Just tell her to remember what she knows is true. No matter what Mr. Sorenson might say, she'll have no trouble if she stays honest. And don't be afraid to stare him down.”

    “I'll tell her that tomorrow.” With those words Ms. Tate got up and began to leave herself. “Is it a problem if Dr. Drumm leaves with you today, Karl? I've got that meeting with my cousin tonight, so I need to leave now.”

    “It'll be fine. See you later, Lily.”

    He asked as they left “Why did she want you to leave with me?”

    “Kaecilius last time stopped me when I was leaving. He made obscene remarks about Stephen. I think he was trying to provoke me, but Lily wants us to limit our interactions.” Karl looked away. “After today, I think if he tried the same thing I would have punched him.”

    “I can understand why you might feel that way. I felt a bit of the same way when I saw how he was enjoying hearing me talk about what Stephen went through. Do you think you'll be okay tonight?”

    “I'm going to try and calm myself down a bit before actually going home. Everyone's already on edge enough right now. Adding more stress won't help. I don't want to go home angry, or to have to deal with Stephen before I know what to say to him.” He paused. “Did he say anything about today beforehand?”

    “He was afraid about what you might hear. I promised that I would refrain from giving details as much as I could. I also said that I doubted you would think less of him by hearing something he had to do, but you know how Stephen thinks.”

    Karl nodded. “I hope I can get some advice when I go to Pat's group on Friday. I want to try and help him, but I never know what to say.”

    “Your presence is already a wonderful thing for him. Goodnight, Karl. I hope that you get good news from the judge soon.”

 

 


	42. An Educated Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donny and Astrid's teacher offers her views.

    While all the other witnesses to take the stand for the most part had seemed relaxed at best and somewhat apprehensive at worst, Tina Minoru was visibly uncomfortable as she was called forward. Lily felt honestly bad for her, because it wasn't the norm to have to come into court for a custody hearing of a student you were teaching. But her position as teacher of both Donny and Astrid put her in as the best person to talk about how she had seen Karl and Stephen acting as parents, so not bringing her in was a bad idea.

    She started as gently as she could. “Ms. Minoru, you are currently the teacher of both Donny Strange and Astrid Mordo, correct?”

    “I am.” Her voice was quiet, and her eyes kept drifting towards the judge.

    “Can you tell me a bit about both children?”

    This seemed to break the ice. “Astrid is a friendly child who enjoys books and playing games with the other students. She always tries to be friendly to everyone, and is very well-liked by the others. She doesn't have much of a problem going before the class, although she's not the first one to volunteer to do so. Donny is also a fairly friendly child, although he tends to keep to himself a bit more. There were some problems between him and a couple of other students at the beginning of the year, but those issues are gone now. He has a few friends he spends time with, but he doesn't normally seek out people outside his circle much.”

    “And what about their fathers? Have you been able to get to know Mr. Mordo and Dr. Strange very well?”

    “Mr. Mordo has always been willing to step in if we need a classroom volunteer. He takes a great deal of interest in what Astrid is doing in school and how he can help her with what is being taught. I've never had any problems getting a hold of him if we need to speak about anything, which is a tremendous help in working with Astrid. He says that one of the reasons he can do so is that he isn't employed in a standard job, so he has plenty of time to spare. Regardless, it's very much appreciated to have him help out.” Most of what she was saying was the same as her earlier statements, but Lily didn't mind the rehash. It still conveyed what she wanted to get across, and Judge Parker hadn't had the chance to hear it.

    “What was your first impression of Dr. Strange?”

    “When I met him, he looked like he was having a hard time. His clothes were pretty worn out, and he looked tired. But he was always there for Donny, and he also looked like he tried his very best to make certain he had what he needed. I never had to be concerned about Donny having the supplies he needed for school, and he was always clean and prepared for the day. Dr. Strange was always closed-off, but he would also listen to whatever I had to say in regards to his son.”

    “Did anything else stand out of note?”

    “At first, there wasn't anything other than the fact he was clearly living below the poverty line. Donny got the school breakfast and lunch, and a couple of times I saw him trying to save food for his father. He said that he was worried he wasn't getting a lunch sometimes. So when I got a chance to speak to him in our parent-teacher conference, I told him about some resources that might be able to help him with getting food on the table. I don't think he ever took advantage of what I gave him, because for the longest time he looked to be rather thin.”

    “But there was nothing that made you worried about how he was caring for Donny, correct?”

    “Not for Donny, no. I would have to say that I only started to become concerned about Dr. Strange himself when one day he came to get his son and I could see there was some bruising on the side of his face. My first thought was that he was being abused by an intimate partner, but when I asked Donny if his father was dating anyone he said no, so that got ruled out pretty fast. I did at one point try to see if I could approach the issue with Dr. Strange, but he shut down fairly quickly when I started to ask a few questions. Eventually, I just let things go by the wayside since there was no evidence Donny was being mistreated in any way. In fact, I always was impressed that his father did so well for him judging by how tough things looked to be for the two of them.”

    “Did you ever see Dr. Strange interact with the other parents at any time?” Lily so far was glad that Ms. Minoru was doing so well. Anyone who wasn't familiar with the courtroom could expect to experience nerves when they had to come testify, whether the matter be criminal or civil. As she could see, her eyes were still glancing at the judge from time to time but no other indicators were visible.

    “The only parent I ever saw him talk to was Mr. Mordo. They normally came to get their children around the same time, although Dr. Strange sometimes was delayed in coming. Sometimes it felt a bit one-sided, because Dr. Strange seemed to try and keep distance between them. But he never really tried to push him away, so I always thought that he really did want to be close to Mr. Mordo, even if he couldn't admit it.”

    “So as far as you could tell, there was nothing out of the ordinary about Donny or his father.”

    “No, there wasn't. The first thing that showed me something came in January, when Mr. Mordo came in before class to say Donny was staying with him and Astrid while his father was in the hospital. I thought this made sense, as both children were close and their fathers knew each other, so this was only logical. But a few days after that Donny said he had to tell me something alone, and I was afraid of what he might say.”

    “Was there any major reason for your fear?”

    “Children who want to speak to the teacher in private normally are saying something they don't want anyone else to hear. I thought he was going to tell me about who had hurt his father before, and figured that if he was talking now it must mean that he was away from the threat. So I guess I wasn't worried about having to report anything, but you never want to hear a child tell you something of that nature.”

    “So what exactly did Donny tell you?”

    “He started off by saying he was going to be living with Astrid and her father from now on. 'Now Daddy doesn't have to worry about food and stuff,' was one of the things he said to me. I told him it was a good thing they were trying to help him, and then he told me 'I get to live in a home like other kids do.' That certainly surprised me, because I hadn't seen anything to indicate that Donny wasn't living in a regular home. When I've had students in the past who have had unstable housing situations, they normally are more anxious in their behavior and tend to look like they are dealing with a lot of stress. I never saw Donny like that.” She shook her head, as if she still could believe she'd missed it.

    “Did you ask him for more information than that?”

    “I did. I asked Donny where he had been living before, and he said an old store. Before that, it had been a house with lots of other people that no one owned. He was happy that now he didn't have to worry about getting too cold or his father having enough food to eat. He also told me that he'd never said anything before because he didn't want to get taken away from his father, like a girl he knew in kindergarten did. I reassured him that nobody was going to be taking him away from his father, because I knew how much they loved each other and that Dr. Strange always took good care of him.”

    “So there was nothing in the level of care that would have led you to believe that Donny was homeless.”

    “Not a thing. It came as such a shock to me, learning that he had only lived in a home once before this when a friend of his father's took them in. I wondered for a while if there had been any signs that I missed, but after thinking about it I realized that there wasn't anything to see. Dr. Strange had done such a good job of caring for Donny even with all of the challenges they were facing that it would have been the last thing on most people's minds to think they might be living on the streets.”

    This was exactly what Lily wanted to hear. The person who had interacted the most with both Donny and Astrid was their teacher, and she would best be able to relate how both Stephen and Karl had succeeded at parenting. While Dr. Lewis had said he thought that Stephen was able to do a good job as a parent based on his test results, he hadn't actually seen him in action. A personal and professional opinion always worked out best when you were trying to get your case heard. “Ms. Minoru, have you had students in the past who were homeless?”

    “I have, yes. Most of the time the student in question isn't entirely without a roof over their head – more commonly, they're couch-surfing with people they know who can shelter them for a while. Sometimes you have a situation where the whole family is living in a motel room somewhere, trying to see if they can find a new place to stay before too long. No matter what the exact scenario is, it's always a challenge for the child to have to deal with the uncertainty of their life now. This can mean that they are going to have academic challenges and perhaps some behavior issues.”

    “None of this applies to Donny, correct?”

    “Donny wasn't ever a child I worried about too much. He wasn't always too outgoing with other children, but he wasn't rude or withdrawn. Just not all that eager to talk to everybody. Academically, he was right on target so that wasn't an issue either. I do think that one of the reasons he seemed so at peace with the way he lived was because he'd never really had a home before, and therefore the stress of it all was just normal to him.” Ms. Minoru shook her head slightly. “But I do think that at least part of how well-adjusted he was came from having his father around as a source of support. Dr. Strange didn't seem to let on when he spoke to Donny how badly things were going for them, although I think he did have some suspicions.”

    “What made you think that?”

    “He talked about his father not always eating lunch, and that sometimes he was upset at night. Donny once said he could hear him cry at times, and this made him sad. None of this was a particularly dominating feature of any of our conversations, so I doubt it was something that occupied the majority of his thoughts.”

    “Have you noticed any major changes in either Donny or Astrid's behavior since they started living together?”

    “Not particularly. I would say that afterwards the only major change I saw was that Donny no longer came to me to talk about his worries about his father. He also has gone to play with his best friend more often, and they seem closer than before. The biggest time for changes in Astrid's behavior came after I learned of the custody case.”

    “What changes did you see in her?”

    “Astrid is less likely to play with the other children, and normally stays inside when we go out for recess. At one time she expressed fear that her grandmother was going to come and take her from her school, and has asked me to let her know if I see her there. She cries more frequently, and her classwork isn't the same as it used to be. I feel very badly for her, because that kind of stress on a young child isn't good. She's also said that she still doesn't understand why her grandmother dislikes Dr. Strange so much. By Astrid's standards, he's really nice and hasn't done anything bad to anyone.”

    “Did you notice any changes in Astrid's behavior when Donny and Dr. Strange came to live with her?”

    “No, I did not. The only real event I noticed was when Astrid told me once that her father and Dr. Strange were going to go have dinner together. She wondered if that meant they liked each other. But I wouldn't say that there was any real concern there, more just a sense of curiosity. I'd venture to guess that anyone would have some questions if they thought that one of their parents was seeing someone.” Ms. Minoru looked like she was trying to think of what Astrid might have been feeling at the time, probably because she hadn't thought much of the event when it occurred.

    “So if someone were to ask you how Astrid was affected by having Dr. Strange in her life, you would say there was little impact thus far.”

    “From what I saw at school, not much changed. Maybe if things became quite serious and both Dr. Strange and Mr. Mordo started to talk about marriage or something like that she might have more emotions related to that, but right now that's only a hypothetical.”

    At one point Karl had asked Lily how their case might be affected if he were to marry Stephen. Her answer had been a resounding “Do not do that.” To start with, she had explained, one of the biggest things they needed to argue in court was that if a partner were to pose a threat to the well-being of Astrid, Karl would leave them. Yes, they both knew that Stephen wasn't a threat – but the judge wouldn't know that right away. And any argument that might be made saying Karl was mainly focused on his daughter would seem much more hollow if he were to make things permanent with the man who was at the center of the issue. Additionally, it would then look like he leapt into things without too much thought about how it might impact the others around him. That wasn't something you wanted to portray in court either.

    She doubted Karl had been all that serious about it, especially since he ended up saying “I don't think even if I asked Stephen would have accepted. I just was wondering if maybe making things more permanent might lead to a better outcome, that's all.”

    The theory hadn't been all that bad, and Lily had told Karl that. She glanced over at him, wondering how he was doing after yesterday. Dr. Drumm had been an important witness for them, but he also had to share more than she had expected him to. It wasn't necessary for there to be any graphic details of what had happened in the past, but Karl ran the risk of hearing more than he would have liked to. The part she hadn't thought about was what Kaecilius might end up asking when he got his chance to take on the witness.

    It was natural that Kaecilius would try and poke holes in the stories that Stephen had told his therapist, because those stories had helped Dr. Drumm to get a sense of what his problems were. Even if things were perfectly normal, he would have gone down a similar path of questioning. But instead of looking for logical fallacies in what was being said he tried to make it clear that he did not believe a single bad thing had happened to Stephen, and that no one should have even thought that what he was saying could be true. If that had been his real opinion, then it would have been bad enough. Knowing that Kaecilius not only knew that all of the stories were true, but had also played a key role in many of them made the experience nightmarish for those who cared about Stephen. Dr. Drumm had done better than she'd expected, not being afraid to stand up to the other attorney and hold his ground. He'd told her that he rarely went to court, yet even with that had carried himself well.

    Karl did look to be more tired today than he had been yesterday. Lily could only utter a silent thanks that the witnesses she had today weren't going to end up going into anything like they had dealt with yesterday. She wondered how Stephen had felt, knowing who was coming forward and what was likely to be said. Much of what they spoke of together wouldn't be shared due to the nature of confidentiality, although enough could be said to cause distress.

    It was just about time to wrap things up with Ms. Minoru. Given her nerves and how she had said most of what needed to be said, spending too much time with her wasn't going to be a good idea for anyone. “In your opinion, do you think that Astrid would be well-served by having her removed from her home?”

    “I can't see how that would be of any benefit to her. Judging by the way her behavior has changed since the case has begun, I have to believe that Astrid doesn't want to leave her family and her home, and she doesn't feel close at all to her grandmother. So forcing her to go through all those changes is only going to hurt her in the long run.”

    Lily nodded. “No further questions, your honor.”

* * *

 

    The previous night had not been a restful one for Karl. Having to hear more details about how Stephen had been abused had been exactly the stuff of his worst fears, and it was even worse to watch Kaecilius so clearly enjoy the telling of the stories. He seemed to be like a child in a candy shop, taking delight in all that was surrounding him. If Karl had seen him following the end of the day, he didn't think that this time he could refrain from striking out at his ex.

    He'd chosen to share very little with Stephen when he was asked about how the day had gone. During the morning, he'd been nervous about having his doctor coming into court to talk about his mental health and how his experiences may have impacted it. His biggest fear, although he never actually came out and said it, was likely how Karl was going to feel after hearing something horrible. No matter how often he was told that none of what he had gone through was his fault and Karl didn't blame him for any of it, Stephen still held to the idea that the next thing he was going to hear would put an end to everything.

    With all of those fears, it wasn't a shock that Stephen had also had a difficult night. He'd shot up in utter terror on one occasion, and his sleep had been agitated the entire night. Karl hadn't been able to fall asleep all that well himself, and after Stephen woke him up he'd pretty much given up on the idea of getting any more sleep that night. Instead he'd made certain to calm down Stephen when he became tense or overly active, and had just lain in bed waiting for morning to come.

    Probably the person he felt most guilty about dragging into this mess was Ms. Minoru. Her only link to all the trouble was having Astrid and Donny get placed in her classroom. She wasn't someone who had a very personal stake in how everything turned out, nor was she a professional who was accustomed to appearing in court. That made her one of the more vulnerable witnesses they would be putting forth, and Kaecilius almost certainly knew that. She had relaxed while Lily was questioning her, and still seemed rather serene as she waited to be questioned once more.

    Kaecilius did his usual standing around before asking his first question. He looked to be somewhat disappointed that Ms. Minoru didn't look any different than before. “Ms. Minoru, did you ever make any efforts to provide assistance for Dr. Strange and Donny while you noticed they were in need?”

    “I never needed to make any efforts on the behalf of Donny, because he was always provided for. He received the school meals, and never looked to be in need of clothing, so I felt that while he might not have as much as some of the other students did he was doing alright. With Dr. Strange, I did give him information on programs that would help him out with getting food, but I never knew if he took advantage of them. I suspect the answer would be no, since that might have led to his and Donny's situation coming to people's attention.”

    “Did you ever discuss the matter with him?”

    “No. From the times we did talk I got the impression that he wasn't very open to personal issues, and for the sake of us being able to speak about his son I stayed quiet.”

    “But if there were problems with Dr. Strange, might they have not impacted his son? Shouldn't that have been a concern for you?” Kaecilius sounded so sincere in his worry about the well-being of a child that Karl would have fallen for it if he didn't know all too well what the man was really like.

    “If there were any problems coming up with Donny, I would have taken a stronger stance. But when you are dealing with an adult, you need to let them make their own decisions. As long as one of my children isn't being put at risk, I can't really do much for the problems their parents may have.”

    “Yet you did say at one point you thought that Dr. Strange was being hurt by a partner of some kind. Why didn't you go and act on your suspicions then?”

    Ms. Minoru went on to say “I had no proof of anything happening. When I did speak to Donny, as I said earlier, he told me his father wasn't seeing anyone now or had he ever. So that made me think that whatever happened probably didn't come from an abusive partner. Besides, I didn't want to question Donny too much about the issue. I could tell that he didn't like me talking about it when we spoke.”

    “Wasn't his reluctance to speak to you a sign of something being wrong?”

    “Yes, but once again I had no proof of anything happening. There were no signs that Donny was being mistreated, and I still thought there was a chance that Dr. Strange had come about the bruising accidentally. If I had seen some other injury later on, I might have gone and spoken with him about it, but with what I had I felt that my actions were appropriate.”

    Kaecilius gave his smile and said “But as a teacher, you should know that it is considered abuse to leave a child exposed to a domestic violence situation. You are a mandated reporter, Ms. Minoru. Didn't you realize that by not saying anything you could get into serious trouble?”

    Her reaction sounded angry. “Yes, but as I have said before, I had no proof of anything happening. People can get hurt via other means, Mr. Sorenson. It would be wrong to bring something to the attention of the authorities with only a small bit of proof. I paid attention to Donny and how he was doing, and as long as I saw no issues there I opted to go for the more benign explanation.”

    Karl wondered how long Kaecilius was planning on pushing this issue. The reasoning for why she had acted as she did made sense, and he knew that most people would have done the same. The only thing that was bothering him was why he hadn't said anything himself. He'd seen how Stephen had looked that one day, but had dismissed it as being the result of him falling down or something. Unlike Ms. Minoru, he was a friend of his (or at least he might have been able to call himself that at the time). Would have a simple “How'd that happen?” helped him to have realized something was going wrong with Stephen?

    Whether Kaecilius felt he'd taken that topic as far as he could go or just knew he wasn't ever going to get the answer he wanted, his next question shifted gears. “Ms. Minoru, did you ever inquire as to what kind of work Dr. Strange was doing?”

    “I did ask him when we had our conference on Donny at the beginning of the year. He said that he did odd jobs, and I thought that seemed correct. Since they were having problems getting by I knew whatever he was doing couldn't pay very much.”

    “Did you ever suspect that it was something illicit?” 

    She said with some slowness “I normally don't think too much about what the parents of my children do for a living.”

    “But did you in this case?”

    It took a few seconds for her to answer. “At times I wondered if Dr. Strange was involved in something, yes. Donny never really talked about what his father did, unlike the other children. But I also didn't think it mattered much.”

    Kaecilius grew stern as he said “Why didn't you think it mattered much?”

    “Because I could see that Donny was provided for and he had a loving relationship with his father. So whatever it was he was doing clearly didn't make things go out of hand. What would you do if you thought someone you knew was doing something illegal?”

    Clearly Ms. Minoru thought that by turning around the question she would gain an advantage. But Kaecilius was ready for that occurrence. His eyes narrowed, and he put his face in close to hers. “Ms. Minoru, let me remind you that I am the one asking the questions here. You do not get to question me. Is that understood?”

    Evidently he'd gone too far in doing so, because this led to Judge Parker telling him “Mr. Sorenson, I would like to speak to you about how you are speaking to the witness. Shall we have a moment?” As he got up, he looked at Ms. Minoru and said “Take a few minutes to collect yourself. I trust you'll be ready to continue when we return.”

    Kaecilius followed the judge, not looking too happy. Lily got up from her seat and walked over to her witness. “I'm sorry. He's ruthless. Are you okay?”

    She was taking a few deep breaths, and replied “I think so. He wants me to be afraid of him, but I'm going to try not to let him see that.”

    Karl noticed that she didn't say she  _wasn't_ afraid of him. He didn't blame her in the slightest – Kaecilius knew how to make people afraid, and used it to his advantage time and time again. He'd only seen that side of him during their time together when he'd gotten a chance to watch him in the courtroom. The behavior had surprised him, and later on he'd told his boyfriend “You didn't need to speak to that man like that. You had the upper hand already. What was the point in making him so afraid of you?”

    At the time Kaecilius's smile had seemed to be charming, but in hindsight the malice inherent in it rang clear. “I understand why you might have felt that way, but sometimes you have to take a firm hand in dealing with a witness. Showing your strength is what leads to victory in many cases.”

    Karl hadn't really agreed, but he'd agreed to disagree on the matter. It was another one of those things he now regarded as being a red flag to the man's true nature, but it had been so easy at the time to just dismiss it as being what was necessary to be a successful lawyer. When you thought you had really found someone, you had an amazing ability to disregard their flaws.

    Judge Parker entered the room with Kaecilius close behind. The man actually looked somewhat contrite, and he turned to Lily and said “I guess he really got an earful.”

    “If it had been one of our earlier witnesses, I don't think Judge Parker would have pulled him aside like that. He knows who you can get in the face of, and a teacher isn't normally one of them. She's been doing great, though. I'm proud of her for not giving up after this.” Lily had once said her mother worked in education, so she had an utmost respect for teachers and what they did.

    Kaecilius's next question was asked in a rather flat tone. “Did you ever think that the work in question might have involved the sex trade?”

    “It may have crossed my mind, but I didn't spend a significant amount of time thinking about it. But it was one of the options present.”

    “If you thought that there might be sex work happening, didn't it seem to be a possibility that Donny might be put into danger as a result of that?” 

    “Maybe, but I didn't think that there was any danger here.”

    “You do realize that that was what its work entailed, correct? That one of your students had a father who was engaging in prostitution in order to get by?”

    At this time Karl wondered if he could create a drinking game for some of the things Kaecilius said. Call Stephen an it, take a shot. Imply that the very existence of a parent working in the sex trade was harmful, take another. It might make the time go by faster, that was for sure.

    Her words were tinged with sadness. “Yes, I am aware of what was happening now.”

    “May I ask why once you became aware of those things you did not try and bring this to the attention of the authorities?”

    “Because by that point Dr. Strange was no longer working in that manner. Even if I had felt that a parent who was a sex worker posed a threat to a child, I can only go on what I know to be the case now. I don't think I should have to go look into the background of every parent in my classroom to see if something might come up that could have been a threat in the past.” Ms. Minoru made it all sound so sensible that Karl found himself nodding in agreement.

    “However, there was another child now involved in the situation. Did you ever think about how Astrid Mordo might have been impacted by Dr. Strange being a part of her life now?”

    “I wouldn't doubt that Astrid would be affected by having another person living with her, but nothing I saw told me that Dr. Strange was creating any problems for her. In fact, she always spoke about him in very positive terms. The only real thing I got from her was saying that she wished he wasn't so sad sometimes.”

    Hoping to get something from that, Kaecilius asked “Did Astrid ever say why he was sad?”

    “According to her, he was sick. I think that she was trying to say he was depressed, but didn't know how to really define it.”

    “And do you think that that might have a negative impact on a child?”

    “Children deal with depressed parents all the time, Mr. Sorenson. I don't believe that overall it will hurt them all that badly.”

    That seemed to put an end to things. “No further questions, your honor.”

 


	43. Work Relations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine comes to give her view on Stephen, and reflects on the past.

    Christine really wished that she had been able to go and see Stephen before she wound up coming to court. She'd never gotten the chance to go forward with the planned meeting they'd talked about after they met for the first time in years, because when she spoke to Ms. Tate it had been advised that they stay away from each other for a while. “If word gets out that you were speaking to Stephen before you testify, then we open ourselves up to the idea that you are being influenced by either him or Karl to say what you say. The case can't afford that.”

    She'd obliged, but felt upset that she wasn't going to be able to speak with her friend. She wanted to know more about how he'd gotten to know Karl, about his son, and just to see if he was doing any better then before. It had stunned Christine to see Stephen so broken, with every single shield he had thrown up tossed aside. So many people she knew might have said at one point it would do Stephen Strange a bit of good to be knocked down a peg or two, but they might have changed their tune after seeing him now.

    So that was one of the reasons she was looking forward to getting this thing over with. The second reason was because she wanted a chance to face down Kaecilius for what he had done. It was frightening to think that if she hadn't run into Stephen that day how he might have gotten more people on his side than just Nic. Christine wouldn't have been one of them under any circumstances, but if she hadn't known what he was doing she might not have spoken to everyone warning them about the man. There would be nothing good about that.

    She'd gotten there about a half hour ago, and was now waiting to be called up. She'd given Karl a brief smile before sitting down, and shot daggers at Kaecilius even though the man wasn't looking at her right now. Petty, but it felt good. Christine had wondered if Stephen would be there, so they might be able to speak soon, but he was absent. Well, after she was through she was going to call him and set up a meeting.

    “Your honor, I would like to call Dr. Christine Palmer to the stand.”

    She tried to look as calm as possible as she walked up. This couldn't be any harder than some of the operations she'd worked on in the past, she told herself.

    The first question from Ms. Tate was “Dr. Palmer, how long did you work with Stephen Strange?”

    “We worked together for around five years. Before that time, we attended the same premedical program in college.”

    “What can you tell me about him? How was it working with him?”

    Christine knew she had to be careful how she answered that. If she went and talked about Stephen like everything was fine and there were no problems ever, it would become clear in the cross-examination that she wasn't being honest. And naturally talking too much about Stephen's less-than-stellar qualities wouldn't fly also. So she started small. “First of all, Stephen has always been very dedicated to what he does. Even when we were in school together, he never let himself settle for anything less than perfection. That meant that he wasn't always someone who you could have a good time with, but it served him well in his professional life.”

    “From what I know, Dr. Strange was very highly regarded in the field of neurosurgery. What did he think of that?”

    A smile. “Stephen knew very well that he was one of the best around, in the same way that Michael Jordan knew he was the best basketball player there was. He was proud of that fact, but he didn't just rest on his laurels. As long as I knew him, he was always thinking of new things to try or ways to improve on existing techniques. He'd go back at times to review some of his old cases and see what he could have done differently. That drive was one of the things I liked most about working with him. He was pretty demanding, always wanting the people around him to perform as well as he did. But Stephen held himself to the same standards, so I didn't really mind it much. And with the kinds of operations he normally performed, you don't have much of a margin of error to work with. So expecting the very best out of everyone isn't as harsh as you might think.”

    “What was it about those surgeries that made perfection so important?”

    The answer seemed so obvious to her that Christine reminded herself that not everyone had the medical knowledge she did. “Well, to put it bluntly, any time you are going to work on the brain it's a risky proposition. There's always the chance of something happening, even during a so-called routine surgery. Just a few millimeters of error when you're cutting could mean you've permanently taken away someone's power of speech, for example. If you were working with Stephen, he never let you forget that. Some of the people who did work with him thought he went on about mistakes too much, but even they had to admit he didn't see as many complications as others did. This was in spite of the fact that he normally dealt with the harder cases.”

    “Did Dr. Strange deal with the harder cases because he chose to, or because he was asked to?”

    “I would say both. Stephen was always pleased when he had a challenge before him, so after awhile most of the difficult cases were sent in his direction as soon as possible. And of course after a while he began to develop a reputation for success where others had failed, so that led to referrals from other doctors. Still, it wasn't always possible for him to take all the cases he could. I know that Stephen would have worked all day every day if he could, but there wasn't ever enough time to take on all the patients he would have liked to.”

    “Do you know what factors might have played a role in his rejecting a case?” Ms. Tate seemed to have something on her mind, and Christine thought it might have come from whatever Nic had said on the stand. 

    “The first factor that normally came into play would be how likely the surgery was to resolve any problems that were present. If what we were thinking about doing wasn't likely to make a major difference in the outcome, then Stephen would typically turn the case down. The only exceptions were ones when doing nothing would mean certain death – then you might see him acting. There was also the matter of the patient's overall health. When operating was more likely to cause harm than it was to help someone, then it was a pretty good chance he would reject the case. But even with those factors, he still ended up taking on the majority of cases that were sent to him.”

    “Overall, how would you say he treated his patients?”

    She made certain to explain herself as well as she could. “Stephen was one of those professionals who believed in keeping a level of distance between him and his patients. He didn't spend much time after meeting them talking about anything that didn't pertain to what was going to happen or why it was being done. I think, based on how I got to know him better, that Stephen wouldn't have been as successful as he was if he'd gotten too close to his patients. He did go over everything fairly comprehensively, and he would explain what was going to happen afterwards in a great amount of detail. What I found to be most important was that he never wavered in his confidence that everything was going to turn out alright, no matter how risky the whole procedure actually was. That can be as significant as spending a great deal of time with someone getting to know them in terms of how much you care about your patients.”

    “How does that work? Why would confidence help so much?”

    “Because if you are convinced that things will work out for you, then you're more likely to comply with whatever requests are made. People are more likely to follow through with treatment if they are convinced that it will make a major difference in their life. In turn, it helps doctors out when patients are compliant with our requests, because it increases the chance of success.” Christine actually found herself enjoying explaining these things to people who likely wouldn't be aware of them.

    Ms. Tate appeared to be taking that in. “How did Dr. Strange react to his successes? What did he say or do in response?”

    “Stephen always acted like he'd expected everything to turn out just right, so normally he wouldn't seem all that different. If you did ask him about what happened, he'd tell you that it was really pretty simple and anyone competent could have done the same operation, but most people knew that wasn't true. That was the way he tended to act even when he was getting some kind of honor for all the work he did – like it was nothing much. Of course, this made people get really annoyed with him. At the time I thought that he just didn't care much about how people saw him, but now I kind of feel that it was done intentionally so people would get angry.”

    “Why do you believe that?”

    “There was a definite pattern of how Stephen alienated people. Sometimes he would act even more obnoxious than usual when you were trying to be nice to him or tell him he'd done something well. For me, that was one of the biggest reasons I always thought that he didn't really think quite as highly of himself as he led you to think. If he did, then wouldn't he be pleased at hearing you praise him? And he'd be even worse if something went wrong. Then nobody would be safe from his lectures about proper procedure and paying attention to what you were doing. It was common for Stephen to take on even more work if something went wrong with a patient, to the point where the only thing that would drag him away from the hospital would be orders to take some time off and relax. That never lasted long, but it would be enough time to get him back to what normal was for him.”

    Seeing that behavior up close had been one of the reasons that Christine hadn't gotten closer to Stephen at first. Like most others, she'd been so disgusted with how he acted that she treated him with scorn most of the time, thinking that if he didn't respect her then she had no reason to respect him. It had been one patient that had helped to change her view. 

    The patient had been a man with a fairly large tumor in his brain, and he had gone to see Stephen as an absolute last resort, because the radiation he'd gotten to remove the mass had not done enough to help him. He said “I know you are supposed to be the very best, Dr. Strange. If you can't help me it's all over.” Stephen had then promised the man to go over his scans and records to see what he could do.

    Unfortunately, the answer was “not much”. Due to where the tumor was located, there was no way to remove it without running the risk of causing even more damage or even killing the man. But if no treatment could be found, then the cancer would kill him before too long. It was one of those situations all doctors dread having to tell a patient about. Christine had thought that Stephen would just tell the man nothing could be done, but instead she'd seen him on his laptop late that night, searching for something she couldn't see.

    And the next day, Stephen had some news for him. “While we can't perform surgery due to the size and position of the tumor, I have been looking into some immunotherapy trials that are being done for your type of cancer. One of the head researchers is very eager to have you take part in the study, and I just know that this is the right place for you to go.” And he had gone, and the treatment worked well enough to give him a few more years of life.

    She had learned later on that the trial was so new there wasn't any publicity about it. The only way Stephen would have known about it was to go and contact the person who was running it and ask about the possibility of something he might have been working on. That meant that he had gone and looked for anyone who was researching that particular type of tumor, asked them about what trials they either might be involved with, or if they knew of anyone who was doing something right now. And who knew how long he had sat there, looking up places to contact, just to give a man a hope of living a little while longer.

    But it wasn't just the the fact that Stephen had gone to that level to help out his patient. From what she knew, he looked on doing what it took to get people better as just something it was his job to do. She might not have expected him to look so hard, but it at least fit in to what she knew about him. The most surprising thing of all was that he didn't try to talk about how much he had done. Whenever Christine had tried to speak to him about what had happened, Stephen had brushed her off by acting like an even bigger jerk than usual. She knew that he was doing it to try and push her away by that point, so it was easier to brush off the behavior than it had before.

    From that day onward, she'd found it easier to get along with him. Once you knew that Stephen did everything in his power to keep most people at a distance, it wasn't as hard to deal with him. You could then spot the moments when his mask fell away and he looked so utterly alone in the world, the times when a patient's case hit him harder than normal, or any of the other emotional signs you might not have spotted otherwise. If it hadn't been for that one patient, Christine doubted she would have ever gone and dated him.

    “So you would say that he was very dedicated to his work.”

    “No question about it. There were times when we would be having dinner, or going to some kind of event, and Stephen would be going over some case notes or the files of patients he would be seeing soon. I don't think in the entire time I knew him he ever just let himself relax for a while without having something to do with work going on.”

    “Do you feel that that dedication would carry over to other areas in Dr. Strange's life?”

    The only area of comparison she had was in their past relationship. Not certain if it would be a good idea to mention how close they had been, Christine instead chose to speak in more general terms. “The best thing I can look towards is how Stephen behaved when he was in a relationship with someone. He didn't necessarily take more time away from his work, but when he wanted to do something for you he'd go all out. There was never any doing things halfway for him, so you could count on getting all manner of fancy meals and expensive gifts. And he would be very generous with the compliments. So based on my experience, I would say that he would put as much of himself into anything he chose as he did into his work.” She could see Karl nodding his head; he'd likely seen that part of Stephen up close.

    “Based on what you know of him, do you see any reason that he might pose a threat to anyone around him?”

     “Unless Stephen has gone through such a major personality change that I wouldn't recognize him any longer, then no.”

    “In summary, what would you say the best word to describe Dr. Strange would be?”

    This wasn't something she needed to think about for very long. “Dedicated,” was the word she came up with.

    The answer seemed to satisfy Ms. Tate. “No further questions, your honor.”

    Christine now began to feel a little nervous. She'd thought that there would be more questions put before her than that. Was everything she had said enough to let the court know what kind of man Stephen was? Of course, she hadn't been the only witness called forward thus far. Others could have answered some of the same questions she could. There was also the issue of how long it had been since she'd really known Stephen well. What if they believed that since it had been so long she couldn't really recall what he was like?

    All of her concerns were tossed by the wayside as Kaecilius made his way to the stand. He had the same smug look on his face that she remembered having seen the last time they met. He started off fairly slowly. “Dr. Palmer, how long has it been since you have spent time with Dr. Strange?”

    She knew how he wanted her to answer, and what the question was really asking her. But playing this man's game wasn't something she would do willingly. “We met and had coffee together around a month ago.”

    He narrowed his eyes. “Before that, when was the last time you spoke to him?” The last word sounded like it was some kind of colossal insult, although to whom she didn't know.

    Being honest, she said “Around seven years ago.”

    “And why was it that you spent so much time without meeting Dr. Strange for some reason? If you were close in some way, wouldn't you want to get together?”

    “Because I didn't know where he was. The last we spoke, we had a bit of a disagreement and I guess Stephen didn't think I'd want to help him when things got really bad for him.”

    “And what was the nature of that disagreement?”

    “It entailed what he was able to do with his life now that he could no longer practice medicine the way he had before. I thought there was still plenty he could do, but Stephen didn't think that was the case.”

    Thinking about what had happened still made her shake her head. Given the way their talk had turned out, Christine knew that she had done the right thing in walking away for the time being. The bigger question was how long she should have waited before trying to speak with Stephen again. A month or so had been too long, at least judging by the way things ended up turning out, but if she'd only waited a day or so then it would have felt like she was saying she wasn't really that hurt. Hindsight was always better than what you did at the time, but really what had been her choice then?

    That damn smile again. Christine had a particular dislike of people who smiled so often without having a reason for doing so or just being a cheerful personality. “So would you say that Dr. Strange didn't take it very well that he would no longer be able to continue in his career aspirations?”

    “Who would? It's difficult enough to get into medicine. Suddenly losing everything that you worked so hard to get? I can't say I might not feel similarly.”

    “Do you think that it might have been possible to get some manner of position that didn't require the use of its hands in some way?”

    Christine could feel her jaw drop. Had Kaecilius seriously just gone and called Stephen an it in the courtroom? She remembered he'd done that when they last spoke, but doing the same thing in public? Why would he risk such a thing? “I would say yes, but you need to understand how much value Stephen placed on his skill as a surgeon. He wanted to keep trying and see if there was some way to back to what he had done before. By the time he began to realize that it wouldn't be possible to do so, all of his resources had been drained to a level where the only thing left to do was keep his head above water.” She knew that if she just said yes without anything else being added, then that would leave too many areas Kaecilius could cover in subsequent questions. 

    Kaecilius looked at her intently before asking his next question. “Dr. Palmer, how close would you say you were to Dr. Strange when you worked together?”

    “We were about as close as Stephen got to anybody. We talked a bit, and we dated for a period of time.”

    “Do you feel that the fact you dated him might color your opinion about the man?” At least this time around he'd gone back to using the word “him”, although she didn't know if that was going to last.

    “I doubt that it would affect me any greater than it would if Stephen had just been a friend of mine. Besides, we did end up breaking up. That might make my opinion more negative in some ways.” She hadn't known until now if her dating Stephen would make her feelings on him seem less valid. But she still felt her point was valid: wouldn't you normally expect someone to have more negative feelings about their ex than positive ones if the break-up hadn't gone well? 

    “But there might be some impact, correct?”

    “I couldn't say there wouldn't be, no.” She almost wanted to say _Are you happy now_?, but knew that wouldn't go over very well.

    Kaecilius paced around for a few moments. “Dr. Palmer, how would you say that others around Dr. Strange felt about him and his work?”

    “In regards to his work, nobody had anything bad to say. If you were working with him, you knew that you were dealing with one of the best in the country. Most of the others I worked with respected that a great deal. There might have been some grumbles about how hard he expected you to work, but overall things went pretty good most of the time.”

    “And how about their personal opinions? How did they think of him outside of the workplace?”

    She stared firmly into his eyes and said “Most of the time I didn't go into detail about what other people personally thought on my colleagues.”

    He crossed his arms against his chest. “So at no point did you ever overhear anything indicating how Stephen Strange was thought of personally by those he worked with?”

    Christine felt trapped. She knew what her answer was going to be, and was afraid that saying it would end up hurting the case too much. Lying wasn't an option either, so all she could do was say “Most of the people who worked with him thought he was a bit of a prick. Stephen tended to be pretty standoffish to you if he didn't know you well, so normally people didn't get off on the right foot with him. He would be better to you once he knew how you did on the job, but those first impressions made a big impact in what people said later on.”

    The answer made him smile even more. “And what would you say its personal life was like? How many people do you know of that Dr. Strange had some kind of relationship with?”

    Her first thought upon hearing that was  _Huh?_ Why on Earth did that matter now? All she could bring herself to say was “Stephen only had a handful of relationships during the time we knew each other. I think he was too focused on his job for anything to really develop into something more.”

    “Did you ever know of any sort of non-serious relationships? Could you say that he had a fairly active love life?”

    By now Christine wanted to slap him in the face. His expression was gleeful enough to make her think that the only reason such a question was being asked was due to the pleasure he got out of hearing it. “Frankly, none of our conversations ever revolved around what kind of sex life Stephen had, so I couldn't really answer your question.”

    “But you may have heard rumors, perhaps?”

    “I never pay any attention to that sort of thing. Unless I'm dating you, your personal life is really none of my business.”

    “So could you or could you not say if its experience was more than what most people would consider normal?”

    At this point Christine was wondering if half the reason for pressing on the issue was just to leave her embarrassed. She did hear some rumors about the number of people that Stephen had hooked up with in the past, but as far as she could tell he'd never done anything like that when they were actually seeing each other, so it didn't matter to her. “I could not say anything in that regard, Mr. Sorenson.”

    Kaecilius didn't appear to have a reaction to what she said, whether it be positive or negative. She hoped he wouldn't keep pressing her on the issue, because she was running out of ways to say she had no clue how much sex Stephen had been having before. Thankfully, the next question was “Dr. Palmer, have you worked with Dr. Nic West at any point in time?”

    “Yes, I have.”

    “Can you tell me what your opinion of him is?”

    “Dr. West is a fine professional. I've never had any problems working with him.” She knew that he had spoken with Nic, and that he'd been an earlier witness in the case, but exactly what had been said remained unknown. Nic had always disliked Stephen, so whatever he had said wouldn't have been very complimentary. Christine still didn't want to say anything too negative about him due to how it might make her come off, but it didn't mean she had to say they were friends or some such.

    “How would you say that Dr. West got along with Dr. Strange? Do you feel that Dr. Strange was too harsh on him?”

    Now that wasn't expected. “Stephen felt that Dr. West wasn't always as careful as he should have been. This led to disagreements between them.”

    “Did you feel he was correct?”

    “At times I did. While Dr. West is a good physician, he does have a habit of cutting corners at times.”

    Kaecilius went to a different topic for his next question, likely because Christine had said something that made his witness seem less trustworthy. “Dr. Palmer, while you were working with Dr. Strange did you ever see him interact with children in any way?”

    “Mostly no. Stephen didn't normally handle pediatric cases, except in certain rare circumstances. The few times he did handle children, he typically spoke with the parents more than the child. He did take time to explain to them what was going to happen to them, however.”

    “Did he ever express any preference for having a child of his own, or show any desire to become a parent while you were together?”

    “Our relationship wasn't really one where we discussed having children. I'm not certain either one of us thought about making things more permanent, so our opinions on those issues never came up.” It was a partial truth. Christine and Stephen had never really spoken about having children, but she did think that there had been times when she thought that they were going to be together for a long time. Stephen himself never talked about marriage or anything like that, but she'd gone out with him for longer than anyone else she knew of. That spoke for something in her mind. But with the accident, and everything that came afterwards, she'd wondered if she'd thought they were more serious then they were. “When other people talked about their children, he didn't seem to be annoyed or anything like that. And one of the few things that would make him tolerant of you being absent or having to leave was something involving one's children. So I definitely wouldn't describe him as being uncaring towards children. From what I knew of him, I feel he would try his best to be a good parent to any child.”

    Once again Kaecilius looked at her directly in the eyes. “Dr. Palmer, would you consider a parent who was prostituting themselves on a regular basis to be a good parent?”

    She kept his gaze as she said “If they were providing for their child and not directly exposing them to what they were doing, then yes I would.”

    “And what about living on the streets for years, without ever seeking out assistance? Isn't that something that would be a mark against them?”

    “I would try to see what the reasons were behind them not seeking out help for themselves or their child. Additionally, I'd want to see how much they had been able to do in spite of their living situation. If you were able to take fairly good care of your child with all of that going against you, then I would guess you would be an above-average parent otherwise.”

    She felt like she was waiting for a cat to pounce as she waited for the next question. It was with a feeling of uncertainty that she greeted his next remark. “No further questions, your honor.”

    Christine got up and made her way towards Karl and Ms. Tate. Now that things were over for her at the very least, she could speak with them. Karl in particular seemed so much more tired than he had been when they last spoke. All she could think to say to break the ice a little was “Hi.”

    He nodded at her, but didn't answer.

    Looking at Ms. Tate, she asked “Do you think things went alright?”

    “For the most part. I wish I'd asked you about dating Stephen before Kaecilius could bring it up – it might look like I was trying to hide it. But don't worry too much about that. From what I've seen and heard thus far, we aren't going to win or lose this case just because of that one detail.”

    Karl snapped out of his reverie with that remark. “Tomorrow Lilia is going to take the stand. She's coming over tonight to meet Stephen. She's heard a lot about him, but given the way things go with her they haven't met yet. Astrid's probably going to want to catch up with her a bit, too.”

    Making an educated guess, she asked “Is that her mother? Astrid, I mean.”

    “Yes, she is. I think that what she has to say is going to make a big difference, because she should be the person who has the most say in how Astrid is being brought up besides me. Lilia also has some very definite opinions about my family, so she's more than glad to be coming here.”

    Christine said “May I ask why she doesn't play a larger role in her daughter's life? I don't mean to pry, I'm just curious.”

    He smiled, and she thought she could understand a bit of what had driven Stephen towards this man. “It's no trouble at all. Lilia's not really one for children, and she travels for her work a great deal. When she became pregnant, she knew I did want children very much, so we reached an agreement where I would be essentially the sole caregiver of Astrid.”

    “I understand. Thanks for sharing with me. In other things, how's Stephen doing? Do you know if there's a time we might be able to get together soon?”

    His face fell a bit. “Stephen's about the same as usual. Doesn't want to do too much, has problems sleeping. The stress of the case is getting to him, and he feels guilty that he's not here with me. But there's no way I'm going to let him put himself at risk again. I won't allow it.”

    She almost wanted to ask about the risk, but then remembered the twisted expression on Kaecilius's face as he spoke about Stephen and the dehumanizing way he referred to him. And how was it he had known what Stephen had done to survive on the streets? So instead she just said “I guess I should've expected something like that. Tell Stephen I'm thinking of him, and want to see him soon.”

    “I will.” With those words, she headed out of the courtroom.

    While leaving, she saw Kaecilius, but refused to meet his eye and walked faster until she was outside. He was the last person Christine ever wanted to see again, and whatever he might have said to her was bound to be something bad.

    Sitting in her car, she hoped that she would be able to speak to Stephen soon. Her heart broke when she thought about how the last few years must have been for him, and she wanted to know more about his son. Wishing she'd asked Karl for a number to reach him at, she drove off, hoping that the next time they met it would be with good news.

 

 


	44. The Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid's mother arrives for dinner, and tells her story in court.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By now I'm almost certain this will have about another six chapters or so, but until I know for sure I won't commit to anything.

    Stephen was anxious about having Lilia over for dinner that night. He'd been somewhat confused over why it was acceptable for her to be with him and Karl before going into court, but the same couldn't be said for Christine. Lily had explained things by saying “Since Lilia is Astrid's mother, there's more of a reason for her to be there as opposed to Dr. Palmer. The two of them have also been in contact more recently then you and her were, so that works in our favor because then there's less chance of allegations her testimony was influenced by us.”

    It did make sense. A part of Stephen was still a little apprehensive over seeing someone who had been a part of his old life again, even though he had no evidence that Christine was going to treat him differently. But that voice in the back of his head kept saying _How much does she know_?

    And that was one of the things that made him worried about Lilia's arrival. Karl had told her pretty much everything about what he had been doing before, and he was hoping that she wouldn't look at him with disgust during the meal. While Stephen knew she was fully in support of Karl retaining custody of Astrid, the reasoning behind her support may have just been how bad it would be for her daughter to be in the care of Sara Krowler. She still might think he was a bad person to be near Astrid.

    Karl was for his part much more relaxed than he had been in the evenings before this one. Seeing him come home every night so stressed out made Stephen wish there was more he could do for him. It made him feel like one of the worst people in the world to both be unable to ease his burden and to also know that he was the cause of it.

    (He could, of course, make things much easier for Karl. All it would take was one phone call. But he couldn't bring himself to go forward. It was just another way his selfish nature reared its head.)

    “Hey.” Karl placed his hand on his shoulder. “You look like you're a million miles away. Is it anything I can help you with?”

    “Not really. I'm just worried about tonight.” It was a partial truth.

    Karl sat down next to him, and placed his arm around him. “It's going to be fine. I know Lilia very well, and I'm certain she'll like you a great deal. I wouldn't have had her come over if it hadn't been a while since she's seen Astrid. Normally she'll come over during winter break, but this year she was on assignment somewhere and couldn't make it.”

    For his part, Stephen just wanted to sit with Karl for a while and not think about anything. They tried to do something like this every day, but recently with all that was going on they sometimes went without. Stephen wished he could do other things for Karl, and give him more than he had already. He'd thought about trying to surprise him one night by offering up himself, but his nerves kept getting in the way. It wasn't really all that erotic when you couldn't stop shaking while you were naked. Maybe he could try finding something to take the edge off of it.

    The sound of someone at the door interrupted them. “I'll get it.” Not that Karl needed to say anything about doing so. Stephen knew he wasn't going to be the one answering the door.

    The first words he heard from Lilia Calderu were “Karl. Oh God, I'm so sorry about all of this. I should have known that eventually your mother would try something like this. This is the last thing either of you need.” He saw that she was quite tall, only a few inches shorter than he was. “You must be Stephen. I'm Lilia. I've heard so much about you.” In spite of her enthusiastic greeting, she didn't make any move to try and shake his hand. Most people would have been put off by something like that, but Stephen found himself feeling more relaxed knowing she was understanding of how things were.

    “It's nice to meet you, too.”

    “Yes, I wish I'd been able to come earlier. I don't know when I'll be able to see Astrid again, and having to do so under these circumstances is far from ideal. But I'll be damned if I don't see my daughter while I'm here.” Her accent was a great deal stronger than Karl's, which Stephen attributed to Karl having spent time at school in the UK when he was younger.

    For her part, Astrid hadn't yet shown up in the living room. It was Donny who first made his way there, and looked Lilia over. “Hi. Are you Astrid's mom?”

    “Yes, I am. You must be Donny. How are you?”

    Donny didn't seem all that certain of what to say to this stranger. “I guess okay. School's pretty good.”

    She smiled, but didn't say anything else. Even though she'd engaged Donny in conversation, one got the impression Lilia felt somewhat awkward around children.

    “I'm going to tell Astrid you're here.” Karl then left the room, leaving the three of them alone.

    Stephen wondered if he should try and break the silence, be a good host. The problem with that was he couldn't think of what he should say. “Sorry I caused this trouble for your daughter?” That wasn't really a good thing to bring up. And with Donny being there and not looking all that happy himself, he knew that mentioning the trouble was just going to make things more tense.

    Karl and Astrid made their way into the room. Astrid looked in her mother's direction and said “Hi.” If you didn't know how the two of them were actually related, it would have seemed like she was talking to a distant relative that you saw every once in a while.

    “Hi, Astrid. I'm glad to see you. How have you been?”

    She looked down. “Scared,” was the word she came up with.

    Lilia looked fairly upset to hear that. “I understand. This has been tough for you, huh? I wish your grandmother wasn't acting this way. Bunică says hi, by the way. She says that she might come for a visit soon. It can get a little lonely in that big house without anybody else.” Karl had told him about how Lilia M. lived in his family's home now, despite the rather negative reaction to her doing so.

    “I wish she was here now.”

    “So do I. We all wish that none of this was happening.”

    Astrid changed the subject, not wanting to hear any more about the court case. “We're having chicken pot pie for dinner. I know you like that.”

    Lilia nodded. “Your daddy always knows the things I like. That's nice to have.”

    Donny broke his silence with “How did you meet Karl? Why don't you live with him?”

    “Karl and I knew each other when we were children, and we met again when we were adults. So we became friends after that. And I don't live with him because I'm not in love with him the same way your daddy is.”

    The answer must have made sense to Donny, since he didn't ask anything else.

    They all went and sat down for dinner, and Stephen still wondered if he should speak to Lilia at some point. She was the one who first opted to speak, saying “How have you been so far? I wish I'd been able to tell you about what Karl's family is like before all of this trouble began. I'll never forget what Krowler said to me the last time I saw Karl as a child. Vile man.” She shook her head in disgust.

    He didn't ask her what had been said, because it wasn't too hard to guess the gist of it and it almost certainly wasn't the kind of thing you wanted to say around children. “He told me a few things. It gave me a pretty good idea of why he doesn't want anything to do with them.”

    “Yeah. I'm just glad my mother's around so Astrid at least has some extended family. It was just me, my mother, and my grandmother when I was a child. My father died when I was very young, so it was hard for us.”

    Donny said “I wish I had more people in my family.”

    Karl then replied “Well, you've got your daddy, and your Uncle Wong, and me and Astrid. I think that's a lot of people, isn't it?”

    His face lit up. “Yeah. I sometimes still think it's just me and Daddy.”

    Astrid asked Lilia “Where have you been?”

    “I just left Brazil a little while ago. Have you ever seen a picture of the jungles there? They're even better in person. And I got to try some new things when I was in the city, too. I'll show you the pictures later on.” She sounded as if talking about what she did was easier than personal matters. Stephen felt a certain degree of admiration for her, in a way. Lilia clearly knew what her limits were in caring for a child, but didn't let that define her. Even if she wasn't able to occupy the standard maternal role, she still was able to make herself part of her daughter's life. It said something about her.

    Dinner was finished without too much trouble, and after the children were sent to bed all three adults sat in the living room. Karl said “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

    “As ready as I can be. I've heard a bit about the lawyer your mother has. He's got quite the reputation for being ruthless. But I'm ready for whatever it is he's going to throw at me.”

    Karl looked uncomfortable. “Yes, that's one of the things I wanted to speak to you about. Do you know that Kaecilius and I dated at one time?”

    She blinked in surprise. “No, I didn't know that. I guess things didn't turn out too well between you, or he would never have taken your mother's case.”

    “We broke up after I found out he was cheating on me. But I didn't learn the worst of it until recently.” Stephen was glad for Karl being next to him, because he knew what was coming up and hearing it still hurt. It didn't really matter if he was told the break-up hadn't been his fault – he still could have ended up giving Karl a disease if he hadn't seen the doctor's note. If he had done something that ended up causing pain to someone who did not deserve it, he didn't know if he could forgive himself. “You see, Kaecilius was seeing a prostitute while I was seeing him on a regular basis. He was... hurting him. In a variety of ways.” His voice was choked up.

    Lilia gasped. “Oh, no. It was _Stephen_ he was seeing? My God. How is it he can even be on this case? Shouldn't his connections to both of you represent a conflict of interest?”

    “I don't think it is, because he's working against us. Besides, we don't have any proof of what he did to Stephen in the past. I only found out when I went to see Kaecilius hoping to get him to withdraw from the case. He showed me...” But Karl was unable to say what he had seen. Stephen was glad he didn't mention the photos. It was bad enough that the man he loved had witnessed how badly he had degraded himself. “And while we were together, one of the gifts he gave me was a watch with an inscription on the back saying that time would tell how much he loved me. Now where do you think he got that watch from?”

    “He took it from Stephen? Why? What on earth could motivate him to do something like that? What did he get out of that?”

    “I wish I knew. Part of it was just because he saw him as only a thing to be used for sex instead of a person. He's called Stephen an it repeatedly in court, but it's been so subtle that I don't think Judge Parker has noticed it. Kaecilius enjoys being cruel, which is why we've made sure that Stephen's not in court with us. I don't want to think about what he might do if he were there. He's already come up to me a few times and said vile things.” He closed his eyes. “I just hate him so much, and the pain he's caused. But it should be over soon enough. I think you're one of the last witnesses, besides Mother and I.”

    “Do you think he's going to try and use that when he's questioning me? Your past relationship, I mean, not what he did to Stephen.”

    “I think that he's more likely to try attacking you via our relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if Kaecilius makes it sound like you were either forced in some way to give up Astrid or that because we had a friends with benefits things going on that you don't have any morals and can't be trusted.”

    Lilia looked to be prepared for a fight. “Well, I'm already used to people saying terrible things about me. Can't be any worse than what your mother used to say.”

    It was still baffling to Stephen that anyone could think something terrible about her. “It's amazing that you're so used to hearing horrible things. I don't know you well, but I know Karl, and he thinks highly of you.” He hoped that didn't sound too harsh, but it was so hard to place trust in anyone else. Lilia was virtually certain not to wish him ill, but the instincts that had served him for so long were firmly set in place.

    She shrugged. “It's not bad in most of the places I go to, but whenever I'm at home I always feel like I'm being judged for what I am. You can only go for so long being called a thief or scum by people before you start to expect it from everybody. Mother tells me that Karl's father wasn't like that, but he died when I was so little I don't remember him. But the prejudice against my people still runs pretty strong in Romania. Things can change, and I think they've gotten better. Doesn't make me feel more comfortable, though.”

    He felt touched that Lilia would share such a personal thing with him, a man she hardly knew. Whether it was due to similar reasons he had for trust or because she just thought he was someone to trust wasn't clear. Stephen hoped it was the former, because he wasn't really worthy of that level of trust.

    Lilia got up from her seat. “It's getting late, so I'll just be headed out the door.” While the room that had been designated as hers was now unoccupied, everyone had agreed that it wouldn't look good to have her staying under Karl's roof prior to her testimony. “It was nice to meet you, Stephen. I hope we can meet again when things are better.”

    He tried to smile, but didn't know if things would in fact get better.

 

* * *

 

    “Your honor, I would like to call Lilia Calderu to the stand.”

    Karl was glad to have this day come. More than anyone else, Lilia's opinion in how Astrid was being cared for mattered. While she may not have been responsible for her day-to-day needs, the law still said that as her mother she had a right to have a voice in her care. If she came into court and said that she had no problems with Stephen playing a role in her daughter's life, then it would mean a great deal to Judge Parker.

    The very first question from Lily was “Ms. Calderu, you are the mother of Astrid Mordo, correct?”

    “I am.”

    “May I ask you how you came to know Karl Mordo?”

    She smiled. “Karl and I knew each other from when we were children. My grandmother and his grandfather had a relationship, and my mother and his father were like siblings. So when Karl came to visit Romania after his father died, we would spend time together. We were children then, and I might have gone to see him if his family had approved of me.”

    “What was it that his family didn't approve of?”

    “Two things. First of all, I'm of Romani descent, so that was an automatic black mark against me. It's the main reason that my grandmother couldn't marry his grandfather. And even if I wasn't from bad blood, I still wasn't nobility. So that would have ruled me out as his friend also.”

    Lily went on to say “Did Mr. Mordo's family ever verbalize their dislike of you, or was it left unspoken?”

    Laughter. “I wish. When I was eight years old, I was told by the Viscount that I was a descendant of thieves, and such things ran in my blood. I remember when Ms. Krowler said that I needed to be ready for when I failed in school because everyone knew that gypsies weren't smart enough to get an education. Karl did tell them not to say things like that around me, but normally that led to more trouble, so as we became older we grew apart.”

    “When was it the two of you got to know each other again?”

    “It was after Karl went away to school. He'd turned eighteen by then, and on one of his breaks he came to see me and my mother. Things had been hard for us since the Baron died, because he always helped out Mother and I, especially after my father was killed.”

    Lily asked “The Baron would be Mr. Mordo's father, correct?”

    “Yes, he would be. So Karl came to see us, and he told Mother that from now on she would lack for nothing, and if I wanted to achieve any further education that I only needed to say so and it would be done. We ended up moving into the Mordo family home, where Mother lives to this day. I ended up also going to school in the United States, and resumed my friendship with him. After a period of time, neither one of us was dating anyone, so we ended up carrying on for a while. It didn't work out as a real relationship, but there was nothing that stopped us from becoming friends with benefits, as they call it.”

    “How did you end up having a child with Mr. Mordo?”

    “Karl had always wanted to have a child, but I wasn't really keen on the idea. To start with, I know I'm not the best with children. Second, I travel a great deal for my work, which makes taking a child around complicated. I never thought I would become pregnant, since I used birth control, until one day I realized how long it had been since I had my last period.”

    “What happened then?”

    “I went to my doctor, who confirmed my suspicions. I thought for a little while about ending the pregnancy, but I also thought about Karl and how he might feel. I hadn't been sexually active with anyone else for quite a while, so I knew the child was his. Eventually I called him to tell him about the baby. We talked for a while, and agreed the best thing to do was for me to come to New York, where we could hammer out some kind of plan. I stayed with him until Astrid was born.”

    “What was the plan you came up with?”

    “Karl knew what my feelings about children were, and I knew what he felt about having a child. So we decided that I would stay there until I gave birth, and he would be the main caregiver for our child. I still could go and see Astrid whenever I chose to, but I wasn't going to be what you would normally think of when you think of a mother.”

    It was strange for Karl to hear Lilia talking so freely about what had led up to their arrangement for Astrid's care. Sometimes she didn't like to talk about having a child, because there still were people who would react with horror – “You _abandoned_ your child? What kind of woman are you?” It didn't matter that Astrid had her father taking responsibility for her, or that Lilia knew she wouldn't be able to provide the same level of care, or even that all parties involved saw this as the best thing to do. The assumption for many people was still that if a woman had a child, then she needed to take on all the roles of motherhood, no matter how suited she was to said tasks. And even though Lilia knew what her limits were, it still hurt for others to imply that she didn't care about her daughter.

    Lily then said “You mentioned having to travel for your work. May I ask you what exactly it is you do for a living?”

    “I'm a freelance photographer. I've worked for several major publications on a variety of stories, and quite a few of them involve traveling to all manner of places. It would be nearly impossible for me to go and do that if I was taking a baby with me.” Lilia was refuting some of the statements that had been made by Dr. Kendrick by explaining why having Astrid with her during the first part of her life wasn't a practical choice. “Once I started to get a foothold in the business, I knew even more than ever that I couldn't be a good mother to a child. Besides the fact that I tend to go to a lot of places that are hard to get to, the sheer level of disruption that would be happening couldn't be any good for a child.”

    “So after Astrid was born, what happened?”

    “I spent a few days in the hospital, and when I left I headed off for a new assignment. I did speak with Karl almost every day on how Astrid was doing, and after a few months I came for a visit. Karl seemed to have fallen into fatherhood with no real trouble. He thanked me a great deal for thinking of what he might want when I got pregnant. That was when I knew I made the right choice, because I don't think he would have tried to have a child unless he was involved in a serious relationship with someone. And that didn't seem to be happening any time soon.”

    “Did you ever know of Mr. Mordo having a serious relationship up until now?”

    “He did talk about a couple of people he thought things might get serious with, but neither one of those worked out apparently. I never pressed him for details – it wasn't really my business. Karl did say he was going to try and make sure he was serious before he introduced someone new into Astrid's life. He thought it would be too confusing for her to get to know someone who didn't stick around for very long.”

    “So from your experience, Mr. Mordo wouldn't prioritize a romantic partner over his daughter.”

    “If he did, it would go against everything I know about him. Even when we were just waiting for Astrid to be born, Karl was already trying to put things together so she could have exactly what she would need to grow up safe and well. I knew that Karl never wanted his daughter to feel like no one cared about her, because he'd felt that way all too often when he was growing up.”

    “Did he ever explain to you what he meant by that?” This was going to be important for them. None of the other witnesses they had were able to say anything about how Sara Krowler had done in raising Karl, since none of them had been there. Lilia wasn't really able to give an in-depth analysis of what had gone on, given that she was a child then, but her experience meant something in the eyes of the judge.

    “When Karl was growing up, he told me that he never felt like he was given any affection for its own sake. It was all conditional on what he did and how he performed. He did say his grandfather was more affectionate on the surface than his mother was, but that he still expected certain things out of him in order to give that affection. His father died when he was so young that Karl never had a real chance to develop a relationship with him, so he felt like he was alone most of the time.”

    Kaecilius responded with “Objection. The witness is not qualified to make statements on my client's parenting ability.”

    Judge Parker said “Witness is relating what one of the parties told her, not making a statement of fact. Overruled.”

    Lilia went on as if she hadn't been interrupted. “Karl at one point promised he was never going to send Astrid away to school, because he had felt so abandoned when he had to go. According to him, they may have been among the best schools in the world, but none of that matters when you're a little boy who's so far away from home. I agreed with him on the issue.”

    “How did you feel about Mr. Mordo's family coming into contact with Astrid?”

    “I wanted them to stay away from her. Since she had half of my blood in her, I didn't want them to have any chance to insult her for having a mother who was Romani. Also, I knew Karl had no real contact with them, so he wasn't going to want his mother to show up one day out of the blue. I told the nurses at the hospital when I was giving birth to only allow certain people to come and see me. I do know Ms. Krowler tried to visit, but was turned away due to my instructions. I don't know if she was there to try and give Astrid some kind of gift or if she wanted to try and make amends with Karl, but either way I wasn't going to deal with that kind of stress.”

    It felt a bit unusual to hear at least part of his family's history being laid out for all to hear. He knew that one of the bigger reasons Lilia didn't want his mother to be near her grandchild was the murder of his father, but that couldn't be brought up here for obvious reasons. Karl had told her the truth about Nikolai Mordo's death early on in their relationship, but the news hadn't shocked Lilia too much. Her mother had always thought that Sara had been responsible for what happened, but she'd had suspicions. The very first sign for Lilia M. that something sinister had occurred was when she had gone to the funeral, and the only thing Sara had said to her was “Too bad you won't be able to use Nikolai's money anymore. That's the only reason you could be here, of course.” Never mind that the two of them had been as close as siblings – the only reason Lilia M. could feel bad had to be the lack of money. After all, that was what Sara would have felt in the same situation. Unfortunately, there had been no evidence of any wrongdoing, and the authorities wouldn't have taken the word of a Romani woman against a baroness very seriously. So all concerns had been tossed aside.

    Lily's next question was “Based on what you have seen between Mr. Mordo and Astrid, how would you describe his parenting abilities?”

    “Top-notch. When Karl cares about someone or something, he's very passionate about doing what is right for them. He started to read all the books he could find on parenting when he learned he was going to be a father, and took some parenting classes as well. I also know that he spoke with his therapist at length on whether or not he was able to succeed at parenting. He was told that he would have no real concerns about Karl as a father. That all tells me how much he cares.”

    “Can you tell us about some specific things you've seen that illustrate Mr. Mordo's ability as a parent?”

    “I would first go to the example of what happened when Astrid started preschool. Like a lot of children are, she was nervous about going someplace new. Karl explained why she was going to school like it was going on a vacation, something new you needed to try out. He also said that if it was too hard at first he would stay with her for a little longer. And each day he would leave a little earlier, until he could just drop her off and go, because by then she would be used to her teacher and the other students.”

    The story felt like so long ago to Karl. He'd known that since he didn't have a regular job like other parents, he didn't need to use normal child care. But preschool was important for Astrid, not just for what she would learn while there but also for how it would help her be more independent. He wondered if it would have been better for them both if he'd just had Astrid in a child-care program for a few days a week when she was still an infant, but he couldn't go back now. As it turned out, he only needed to stick around for a few days before she started to get excited about going to school, so things hadn't turned out badly.

    Lilia went on. “Karl's also tried to make sure that even though he has enough money to get everything in the world for Astrid he doesn't do so. His philosophy on the matter is that everyone _should_ learn to do certain things in life, and that you are only hurting yourself by not learning them. After all, at some point in life almost everyone is going to have to go shopping or do laundry or something of that ilk. If Astrid grows up learning that she can get anything she wants whenever she wants it, then how will she learn to be responsible? Karl is very keenly aware of how badly things can turn out when you let your money do all the work for you, and he seeks to prevent Astrid from falling into that trap.”

    “Have you ever thought that Astrid would benefit from having a female influence in her life?”

    “Who's to say that she doesn't? There's my mother, and her teachers, and then there's any of the other women in the world she'll meet over the years. It's impossible for someone to go through life without ever having some kind of interaction with a woman, so Astrid's in no danger on that front. And how exactly could I get more female influence in her life? I know that I wouldn't cut it as the main influence, so should I order Karl to find a girlfriend he wants to spend his life with so Astrid will have a mother? No one in the world would think that was a good idea.”

    “And what can you tell us about Mr. Mordo's relationship with Dr. Strange? How has he been since it began?”

    “I can say that I've almost never seen Karl as happy as he is right now. If you saw the way that he looks at Stephen and how his face lights up, then you'd understand why I feel so good about the way things are going. I've only seen him like that once before, and that was when our daughter was born.” Hearing Lilia refer to Astrid as their daughter filled Karl with a warm feeling. Even if she wasn't what you would think of when you thought of a mother, she still saw Astrid as her own. “I know that Karl doesn't take getting into a relationship lightly. If he's decided to bring Stephen to meet Astrid, then it's a good sign that things are very serious. And I think that if he had to choose between Stephen and Astrid, it would break his heart. I hope that it doesn't come to that.”

    Lily took the words in for a moment. “No further questions, your honor.”

    Overall, Karl felt that things had gone well. Lilia had countered previous testimony without specifically knowing what it had been, and she'd offered a different perspective on his family. Except for the friends of his mother that had come in early on, no one was able to offer an outsiders glimpse at what life had been like for a child who was raised by Sara Krowler. And that in turn would let Judge Parker know what it might be like for Astrid if she were to go live with her.

    But at this point it was all speculation, what with the fact Kaecilius had yet to cross-examine her. You could tell that Lilia was not fond of the Krowler family, and that was an area that was ripe for attack. And no matter how well she explained herself, it still might not look good that she did not live with her child. He still wished they had been able to get Lilia M. to come and give testimony of her own, but both her fears of the courtroom and the language barrier put that idea to a halt.

    So Karl watched as Kaecilius made his way to confront her. He tried his best to send good thoughts to Lilia, and give her the strength she would need to carry her through.

 


	45. Lashing Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilia is questioned by Kaecilius, and Astrid strikes out against all in her life.

    Lilia Calderu had met a great number of people during her life, and she liked to think that she was fairly capable of knowing what someone was like after meeting them. In the case of Kaecilius Sorenson, she had heard quite a bit about him before actually encountering the man. She'd looked up what other people had to say about him, and while some of that had been complimentary the overall impression she got was that he was a ruthless man who would do anything to win. And then Karl had told her last night that he was also responsible for having harmed Stephen in the past, which added another layer to the whole thing besides the fact he and Karl had had a thing at one point.

    Now she was expecting to get torn apart when Mr. Sorenson questioned her. What with how she had come out so strongly in favor of Karl and against his mother, he had no reason to be lenient with her. Her decisions in life were on the table as fair game, and she was trying to prepare herself for what was going to come.

    The first question was a relatively simple one. “Ms. Calderu, did you at any time consider raising your child with Mr. Mordo?”

    “No, I did not.”

    “And why would that be?”

    Lilia chose her words as well as she could. “Because I know what I'm like better than anyone else does. I'm not the kind of person who would make a good parent. At best, I might be a fairly good aunt, but being a mother is not something I can do. I felt it would be best to admit my limits in regards to Astrid, rather than try and force myself into an arrangement that would fall apart at some point.”

    “But didn't you think about how Astrid would feel if you abandoned her so shortly after birth? Might that not have a negative effect on her?”

    “I doubt very much it would. She'd barely had any time to get to know me, so why would me leaving hurt her? And I didn't abandon her. I left her in the care of her father, who was more than capable of giving Astrid the care she needed. Also, I still see her a few times a year. It's not like I've completely departed from her life.”

    “Even if you do place your child in the care of someone who looks after them, most people would consider leaving so soon after birth and not returning for a lengthy period of time to be abandonment of the child. Do you not agree with that?”

    Lilia hated having to hear about how she had abandoned her daughter by going off for work after Astrid was born. There were plenty of parents who had to go travel while their children were still infants, and for most of them you wouldn't consider abandoning their child. Her situation was somewhat different, since she wasn't ever going to live under the same roof as her child for an extended period of time. But abandonment was a very loaded word, and for that reason she was angry at hearing it used. She also tended to think of abandonment as being like what had happened to her mother and grandmother – being suddenly left behind by someone who at one point cared and provided for you. Her grandfather leaving had created a great deal of pain for those he left behind, and that was not what had happened with her and Astrid. “Perhaps. But I don't believe that I would be acting in Astrid's best interests by staying around.”

    “Why would that be? Do you truly believe that you are such an incompetent parent that seeing your daughter more frequently would cause trouble?” Mr. Sorenson had a gleam in his eye that made Lilia think that she could very easily see this man doing the things that Karl had spoken of.

    “As I have said before, I know that I'm not the type of person who is able to be the kind of parent a child needs. If I tried to force myself to play a primary role in Astrid's life, I feel that I would grow to feel angry with her, because I don't have the patience to deal with some of the aspects that come from raising children. Crying babies drive me crazy, for one. By keeping the arrangement that I have with Karl, we can stay close in our own way.”

    “Do you believe that it is selfish to feel that way?”

    “It would be more selfish to force Astrid into the life that I live, instead of the life she needs. By living with Karl, she has a secure home and a predictable life. And I wouldn't be happy if I had to leave my career so I could give Astrid what she needs. The way things are now is best for all concerned.”

    “But Ms. Calderu, you did not have to give birth to a child. Why did you not simply decide to end your pregnancy if you knew you were so unsuited to the responsibilities of motherhood?”

    “I wasn't the only party involved here. Karl also had a say in his daughter's conception, so why shouldn't I go and see what he thought before taking any action? If he hadn't cared one way or another I probably would have terminated, but when he expressed a desire to raise our child by himself, I thought it over and decided that was the best thing to do.”

    “Did Mr. Mordo ever offer some manner of incentive to have you let him take care of your child, such as money or any other gifts?”

    “Absolutely not. The only thing that Karl offered to me was to allow me to stay with him while I was pregnant, because that would make things easier for both of us. There was never any kind of discussion about me getting anything in turn from going through with giving birth.” The idea of such a thing made Lilia want to laugh. Karl was the last person on earth who would think of trying to bribe someone to get what he wanted.

    There was a pause between her answer and the next question. She thought he might be toying with her. “Ms. Calderu, did you ever make any plans for what would happen to Astrid if Mr. Mordo were to die or be otherwise incapable of caring for her?”

    “Yes. In that case my mother would come here and take charge of Astrid. I would likely spend somewhat more time with her then, but I still wouldn't take on the major role of parenting.”

    “So if you would have no problem with your mother raising her, then why would you be opposed to Astrid being under the care of Ms. Krowler?”

    She almost ended up rolling her eyes, but was able to refrain. “Based on my experiences with my mother as well as Ms. Krowler, I feel that in the event that Karl was no longer able to take care of Astrid her upbringing would be best served in the care of my mother.”

    He smiled at her, which led to chills running down her spine. “Is there a reason that you would not suggest Dr. Strange as the caregiver for your daughter? If you truly believe that he has made Mr. Mordo so happy, why would he not be the one you chose?”

    “At this point in time, Stephen's only been a part of Astrid's life for a little while. She's known her grandmother her entire life. I can't even say how long he is going to be part of her life yet. I suspect that as time goes on, I might find myself looking towards him as the better option for her care if the worst were to occur.” Lilia thought that given how Mr. Sorenson was arguing that having Stephen in her daughter's life was going to cause harm it wasn't going to be a good idea to say outright she would have no problems making him her primary caregiver.

    “How much do you know about Dr. Strange, Ms. Calderu?”

    “Karl's told me a great deal about him. I've also looked up some information I was able to find on his medical career.”

    Mr. Sorenson had his face light up as he spoke. “Did you ever speak with Mr. Mordo about how he was earning a living following its accident?”

    Karl had told her about how he would refer to Stephen as an it in court, but hearing the word actually used still shocked her. “I am fully aware that Stephen needed to engage in prostitution in order to provide for his son as well as himself. I don't think that's something that should be held against him. What I've heard indicates that he had little choice in the matter.”

    “Did you ever think the version of events you were hearing might not be entirely correct?”

    “What I've heard seems to be accurate thus far. Stephen was homeless when his son was born, and he does have a disability that interferes with his ability to get a job. The account I heard of what happened following his accident matches up with what I saw elsewhere, so I don't think there's any reason to question what else I've been told.”

    “But you never made any effort to independently verify what you heard, correct?”

    “No, I did not. As I said earlier, I didn't believe that was necessary.”

    “Do you normally take everything you hear at face value?”

    This line of questioning was idiotic. Did he really think that the thing to do when you were told a story about what had happened to another person was to try and make certain it was true? “I don't feel that it's a good idea to go around questioning every single story people tell you. If someone tells me something that clearly can't be true, then of course I won't believe them. The same goes for someone I know has deceived me in the past. But going around not trusting a thing anyone tells you is no way to live your life. And what I have seen of Stephen Strange doesn't make me think he falls into either of those categories.”

    That smile, again. “Ms. Calderu, how many times have you met Dr. Strange?”

    She hated to give the answer. “Once.”

    “Then how can you make any judgements about his character?”

    “I based a lot of my opinion on what Karl thinks of him. I trust his assessment of things, and if he thinks Stephen's trustworthy then I'll think he's likely right.”

    “Do you think that Mr. Mordo might be blinded by his attraction to Dr. Strange?”

    Lilia wanted to tell him that he'd already made one error in judgement by ever seeing Mr. Sorenson as a potential romantic partner. That would take the grin off his face. “That wouldn't go along with the Karl that I know. He's not the type who lets his feelings get in the way of his judgement.”

    It seemed like he'd finally exhausted this line of questioning, because he shifted topics then. “Ms. Calderu, why did you not try and use the birth of your daughter to engineer a reconciliation between Mr. Mordo and his family? Might that not be a good time for such a thing?”

    “No, I do not feel that would have been a good idea. First off, you have heard about what Ms. Krowler thinks of me and my heritage. I did not want to run the risk that my child would be viewed in a similar light. Second of all, Karl's a grown man. If he chooses not to have contact with his family then he should be able to do so. Once you become an adult, you should be trusted to make your own decisions about who you want to know.”

    “Might Ms. Krowler have changed her views knowing her grandchild was half Romani?”

    “If she did, then why wouldn't she try to contact me instead of just barging into the hospital one day? Or try and reach out to my mother? Even if she had decided that Astrid was an acceptable member of my background, I still wouldn't have felt more positively inclined towards her. I can still recall when she told me the best thing in life for me to do would be to try and become Karl's mistress, because no gypsy could ever be intelligent enough to succeed in school.”

    Karl looked stunned on hearing that. Lilia had never told him about that, mainly because at the time she'd been too young to fully understand what it meant. Years later, the full extent of the insult became clear, but Karl wasn't seeing her then. By the time they reconnected he was no longer in contact with his mother, so bringing up a past insult hadn't seemed important. Feeling badly about the hurt she'd caused, Lilia thought  _if I had known I would have to say that, then I would have told you earlier. Forgive me, Karl._

    “Do you think it might be possible her words came out of a misguided effort to get the two of you together?” He didn't look like he really believed what he was saying, but Sara Krowler's words were so damaging that there needed to be something said about them. The woman in question looked smug upon hearing her words repeated, clearly not regretting having spoken them.

    “If that was what she meant, she should have said so. And even if that were true, there were many other times over the years I knew her where Ms. Krowler said similar things, so I would say her opinion of me was fairly well established no matter what her intentions were that one time.”

    “So you don't believe people can change their views over the years?”

    “I believe that it's possible, but you also need to show me some kind of evidence that you have changed. If Ms. Krowler were to write me a letter talking about how she's sorry for the way she treated me and promises to do better in the future, I would take note of that. This or something similar never took place.”

    He seemed to think for a second before resuming. “Ms. Calderu, you have stated that Mr. Mordo has told you he feels his upbringing was not proper, correct?”

    “Karl has made that point clear to me.”

    “Did you ever have the chance to witness anything involving how Ms. Krowler treated him?”

    “Yes. The times I saw him when I was young I remember that his interactions with Ms. Krowler were very different than the ones I had with my mother. She never appeared to give him any affection or display any real interest in what he was doing. I would say that if I hadn't known how they were related to each other I would not have realized they were mother and son.”

    “But you were a child then. Do you think that you simply might not have seen the ways that Ms. Krowler showed her love for Mr. Mordo?”

    “While that would certainly be possible, everything I've heard from Karl tells me otherwise.”

    Mr. Sorenson tilted his head slightly. “Might have he not opted to refer to his mother negatively because he knew how you felt about her and wanted to please you?”

    It was progress. At least now he was somewhat conceding that Lilia's dislike of Sara had a basis in reality, or at least in her mind. “No, because I never said anything one way or another about how I felt about Ms. Krowler. Karl did know of his mother's prejudices and could assume from that she was not fond of me, but she refrained from saying most of the nasty things she told me when he was within earshot.” Not that Karl wouldn't have noticed the clear disdain she held for Lilia, but that wasn't all that different than how Sara treated anyone who wasn't either a noble or someone who she needed to treat favorably.

    Once again, the subject shifted. Lilia had to wonder if that wasn't a strategy for keeping her off guard. “Ms. Calderu, how do you feel about someone who engages in sex work while they have a child under their care. Do you feel this represents poor judgement?”

    “Not if they weren't doing such things in front of their child, and made certain to keep their work separate from their home life.”

    “But most of the time people find it hard to keep problems related to their work away from their families. Why would it be different if someone was engaging in prostitution?”

    “I would guess that most of the time a parent isn't going to go home and start talking to their young child about how much their boss is nagging them or how much trouble the latest assignment is. If you did end up talking about those things, it would be with another adult who would be able to understand what you're going through. All I can see you saying to a child is that you had a hard time at work and leave it at that.”

    The look on his face now seemed to be astounded at her stupidity. “Yet as you have stated before, Ms. Calderu, you are not the sort of person to be a real parent. How could you possibly know what a parent might do in a situation like this one?”

    Her voice was trembling with suppressed anger. “I may not have partaken of such things as a parent, but I grew up with my mother acting in such a way. It was a challenge for much of my childhood to get by, but she never burdened me with the details of how rough things were. I was always told to not be concerned about adult things, because that wasn't my job.”

    Lilia had always known on some level how difficult things were for her mother following the deaths of both the Baron and her father. She'd worked in multiple jobs, many of which had been demanding and paid little. Lilia M. had made certain that at no time her daughter went without sufficient food, or was unable to continue in her path towards a good education. Her mother had told her time and time again that her father had gotten an education and in turn a good job before his murder. “The only way to be someone in the world is to have an education, Lilia. I know you can succeed in that.” A part of her wished that she had been able to make it in the world before Karl re-entered their lives and put all their troubles to bed. That was mainly due to her desire to give all the credit to her mother for making things possible. As she had gotten older, there was nothing more that she wanted than to be able to stand next to her mother and thank her for her support now that Lilia had achieved her goals. While she had done so, Lilia M. had told her that part of the credit belonged to Karl, which may have been true – but it took away so much from what she had done.

    “Do you think your mother was an exemplary parent?”

    Now this was a question she both hadn't expected, and didn't know what Mr. Sorenson hoped to gain from asking it. “I certainly do.”

    He smiled once again, and Lilia understood how this man was able to be so successful. He knew how to throw you off guard. “Given that you think your mother was such a success as a parent, and your knowledge of how Dr. Strange was living for so many years, do you think that a good parent would have allowed themselves to live on the streets for so long without getting help?”

    “Since that situation never came up for us, I can't say what my mother would have done then. But I know that if we had ever found ourselves without any place to live, it would have hurt me even more to be separated from Mother then it would have to be homeless. Pain should never be compounded if it can be avoided.”

    And with that, it was over. “No further questions.” He gave her a piercing look prior to returning to his seat. As he did so, Sara Krowler gave her a disgusted look, and could be seen mouthing some word to her. Lilia had no doubt it was along the same lines as she had heard before.

    She got up herself, and went over to see Karl. “I'm sorry you had to hear about what your mother said to me like that. I knew it would just end up hurting you, which is why I never said anything before.”

    He sighed. “It doesn't really surprise me. I did overhear her and Grandfather talking at times about you and your mother. They weren't ever complimentary.”

    “Doesn't make it any better.” She changed the subject. “I can tell why Mr. Sorenson's got the reputation he does. That was not easy. I felt like I was being yanked from side to side again and again. Not fun.”

    “He's got a way about him. That's one of the reasons he wins so much. I'm actually shocked he didn't try to cast more personal implications about you. Given our past relationship, I thought he might have said more about that. It did make me angry when Kaecilius started talking about how you had abandoned Astrid. I know that's still a sore point for you.”

    Lilia shrugged. “It was pretty much what I expected. Oh, and Mother spoke with me before I came here today. She wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help. Not by coming here, but anything else that might be done.”

    Ms. Tate was the one to answer. “If I think we need it, I might have her make a statement for the judge. That might pose a problem, because I know she doesn't know English. I can get someone to translate if the need arises, but hopefully it won't come to that.”

    There was a sense of relief in hearing the words. “I hope so too. Goodbye, Karl. I hope things will be better next time we see each other.”

* * *

 

    Karl had found today to be one of the more relaxing days in court. The biggest reason for this was that Lilia wasn't going to be sharing anything about Stephen he didn't already know, and she almost certain to stay on his side no matter what.

    Instead, it was what happened afterwards that caused trouble. As soon as he entered his home, Stephen was there to greet him with a distressed look on his face. “Karl, I'm so glad you're home. We had a bit of an incident a little while ago.”

    He looked upset enough that Karl started to imagine all manner of dread happenings. “What was it?”

    “Astrid had a bit of a tantrum and started to tear up her room. I told her to stay there until you got in, because I didn't want to punish her.” Stephen still did not feel like he could act in the role of a parent to Astrid, in spite of Karl saying as long as he was responsible for her then he could deal with her as he chose.

    “Can you tell me exactly what happened?”

    “Don and Astrid were playing with Legos together, and when he went to go take the thing they made apart, Astrid started kicking it. Then she began to throw other things around and took the poster off of her wall. When I got there, she was trying to pull the hair out of one of her dolls.”

    Hearing this was hurtful. He'd never seen that kind of behavior from his daughter before. She'd yelled or stomped her feet sometimes when she'd had to do something she didn't want or couldn't do what she did, but this kind of fit was brand-new. “Did she do anything to Donny?”

    “No, just her things. He didn't understand why she would want to do that. Don's always so careful with his things.” Having had so little for so long made Donny very cautious about what he owned. He rarely let anything too far out of his sight, for fear it would be forgotten.

    Shaking his head, Karl replied “I'm going to talk to her.”

    Astrid's room was almost exactly what he had expected to see. Most of her toys were strewn around, her poster had come off the wall, and she was sitting on her bed kicking the wall. When she saw Karl, she got up and went over to a pile of Legos and began to throw them around.

    “Astrid! What are you doing? Stop this, now!”

    “I don't care!” she yelled. She screamed “It doesn't matter, anyway!”

    “Yes, it does! Stop this and sit down! You cannot go and destroy everything!”

    “Why not? It's not like I'm going to be here with anything soon!” The last words came out in a gasp of sobs.

    The reasons behind her actions became clear. Karl had known that she was not dealing with the stress over the court case all that well, but up until this point Astrid had only shown signs of fear, not anger. But it had to come out eventually – how many people wouldn't feel a degree of anger if they were told there was a chance that they would have to pack up and leave everything they knew behind? He sat down on her bed, and patted the spot next to him. “Astrid, I need you to sit down, alright? I know you're upset, but just going around and throwing a fit isn't going to make things any different. Take a deep breath, and have a seat.”

    She did, sniffling. Karl put his arm around her, and Astrid leaned into him and continued to cry. At last she said “The judge is going to tell me I have to go away, isn't he?”

    “He hasn't had a chance to make up his mind yet. He won't do that until you've gotten a chance to speak to him. Why do you think he's going to do that?”

    “Because I thought that once he stared hearing about how you were a really good Daddy that he'd just tell Grandmother she couldn't have me stay with her. If he's heard all that stuff but isn't saying I can stay, then maybe he's already decided I need to go.”

    The line of reasoning made sense, and he knew how confusing all this had to be for a young child. “That isn't how things work here. The judge as a set of rules he needs to follow, and he can't make up his mind until he's heard everything. That means that your grandmother has to speak in court, and so do I. And most important of all, you need to talk to him. Plus, we're going to be talking to someone else very soon who's job it is to look out for you, not me or your grandmother. Even if the judge thinks I'm a good father to you, he still can't make up his mind until everything has been said.” It was a bit of a distillation of what actually was going to happen, but Astrid likely wasn't ready for all the details. He asked her “Was there something that happened to make you so upset?”

    “Donny was talking about how he wanted to get Mrs. Gardner as his teacher next year, because she's really nice. But I might not even be going to my school anymore by then. And I got mad.”

    It was something he hadn't thought of. Donny wasn't in any danger of being taken away (at least as far as he knew). So he was at a point where the next school year was looming in his mind, and Donny was talking about it. He hadn't meant to cause Astrid to get upset, but the uncertainty of her future made the subject touchy. “I understand why you felt upset when you heard that, but it doesn't help anything if you throw a fit. In the end, all your mad feelings are still going to be there, and they might be even worse. You can still have all those feelings, but all you really did this time with them was make a mess you're going to have to clean up.” Given the circumstances, Karl wasn't going to do much more than that to punish Astrid. But she still had to deal with the consequences of what she'd done.

    She didn't get up, instead just leaning against her father. He could feel her tears on his shoulder. “If the judge tells me I have to go and live with Grandmother, I'll hide somewhere. They can't make me go. I won't move at all if they do.”

    If only it were that simple. “I'm sorry, sweetie. But if the judge says you need to go and live with your grandmother then that's what you're going to have to do. I can go and get somebody else to listen to why I think the judge was wrong, but you would have to spend time away from here.”

    Astrid didn't say a word. She looked at her feet.

    “Is something else wrong?”

    “Yeah.” She paused. “Is it okay to be mad at somebody if they haven't done anything?”

    “It's not wrong to have any feelings.” He thought he knew what she was thinking. “Are you upset with Donny?”

    “No.” She still wasn't looking at him.

    Karl understood now. “I think that it's Stephen you're feeling mad at, isn't it?”

    Astrid almost seemed a bit relieved at hearing her father say that, likely because he wasn't getting mad at her. “He's only been nice to me, but if he wasn't here then I could stay. But if he wasn't here, then he and Donny wouldn't have a home. So I feel bad for being mad at him. It's not his fault that he got hurt by people, but that's why Grandmother doesn't want me around him, isn't it?”

    How much could he explain to her? “Astrid, it's okay to have those kinds of feelings about people. Are you going to Stephen and telling him how you hate him and how he needs to go away? You aren't, right? It's wrong to do or say some things to other people if we're feeling angry with them, but as long as you're only feeling things then it's fine. You have the right to feel like you do.”

    She nodded. “I don't like feeling mad at Stephen. But sometimes I think about going away and I get mad again.”

    “It's an angry thing, huh? I get mad about all this too. When I found out about how people had hurt Stephen I was really mad. I thought I might start screaming. And I did yell at your grandmother when I talked to her about the things she said to you. I think that your mother was angry when she heard about what was happening, too. Thinking about stuff like that is going to make you feel mad, but it's so hard to not think about what might happen.”

    Astrid asked “Does Stephen get angry, too?”

    “Yes, but I think he gets angry at himself. He still thinks that everything is his fault. And it hurts him inside. With all the other things that happened to him, it makes things worse. Stephen expects everybody to be angry with him and treat him badly. It's all so hard to deal with.”

    Astrid said “I wasn't going to tell Stephen I was angry at him, Daddy. I promise.”

    “I didn't think that you would. I know you don't want to make people feel worse. Now, why don't we go and clean up these things, huh?”

    She got to work grabbing the bins her toys were placed in. Thankfully, most of the items had just been tossed around as opposed to destroyed. A few Barbie dolls were now missing their heads, but that was pretty easy to fix. The only real casualty of the destruction was her football poster. “It's torn too bad. I can't get it back up there.” Astrid had a somber look on her face as she held it in her hands.

    “That's why it's not a good idea to go around like that and have a fit. You can lose things for good. If you want to get another poster, you're going to have to save the money I give you until you can get a new one.” While the poster itself wasn't all that expensive, Astrid didn't get a great deal of money each week, being young enough to not know what to do with it.

    Continuing to put everything in its place, Astrid asked “Should I tell Stephen I'm sorry?”

    “For being mad? You don't have to apologize for that.”

    “No, for yelling at him. When he came and saw my room, he said I had to stay there until you came home. I said I didn't care.”

    “You're right about that, then. You do need to say you're sorry. Even if you didn't care, that's not something that you need to say.” Karl could tell that at the time Astrid had genuinely not cared about what she was doing or what would happen to her. But she still needed to understand why blowing up at someone because of the problems you were having was a bad idea.

    At this time, Stephen stuck his head in the door. “Is everything alright now?”

    Astrid responded with “Stephen, I'm sorry for yelling at you.”

    He looked somewhat surprised, but said “Thank you for the apology.”

    And Karl watched as Astrid continued to clean, wishing all issues in their lives could be fixed as easily as that. 

 


	46. Final Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara Krowler gets a chance to speak.

    Today was going to be a day that Kaecilius was looking forward to, because today he was finally putting Sara on the witness stand. They'd gone over what they were planning on saying on several occasions, and it was good to at last be able to go to the heart of the matter. He wasn't too concerned about how Lily would handle her, because she just wasn't as good as he was.

    There was one small thing he wanted to do before going ahead. He took his phone, punched in a number that he had used so many times before, and sent a brief message.  _Remember my offer._ With that out of the way, Kaecilius said “Your honor, I would like to call Sara Krowler to the witness stand.”

    She was dressed as nicely as one would think, and looked to all the world like a loving grandmother who only wanted the very best for her granddaughter. It was just the impression he wanted to send. Knowing what he did about Judge Parker, it wasn't going to make a huge difference overall, but every little bit helped.

    His first question was “Ms. Krowler, can you give us a brief summary of why you decided that Astrid was being placed at risk by staying with her father?”

    “Well, I had been trying to see my granddaughter for some time now. Due to the strained relationship I have with Karl, I had never gotten a chance to see her during the entirety of her life. But as Astrid grew older I knew that I had to go and see her at some point.”

    “What did you do in order to gain access to your granddaughter?”

    “I tried to reach out to Karl on many occasions, but he always rejected me. I made an effort to go and see Astrid on my own, but was turned away. At last I opted to hire a private investigator to look into what my son was doing, and to see if there was any way I could get in touch with my grandchild.” She looked down and sighed.

    “What were the results of the investigation?”

    “I learned that Karl was living with a man named Stephen Strange. He had a son of his own, and they had been seen going on a date at one point. At first I thought everything was fine, but soon I learned the terrible truth.”

    “What made you think everything was fine at first?”

    “Well, I was glad that Karl had chosen someone this time around who was worthy of his background. This Dr. Strange had been a well-regarded surgeon who only left his career because of some accident. He may not have been part of a family of note, but I felt he might be a worthy partner for my son. But then I learned about how he had been sustaining himself for so long, and I was horrified. Who knows what manner of things he might have done, or if he could be spreading some disease to my only child? And then there was Astrid to think about. That man could be bringing all sorts of people from his old life into her world, and I could not let that stand. I knew from that point onward I needed to make certain Astrid was safe, and filing for custody of her was the only way I could do so.”

    Given what had happened with Dr. West, Kaecilius had made it very clear to Sara that at no time could she state anything about how she had learned about it being a whore. If for any reason Ms. Tate asked how she had found out, she was going to blame the investigator. He wasn't coming into court, and had been given enough money for finishing the job that he wasn't likely to reemerge at any point. Judge Parker thankfully hadn't said anything after the admission about how he had acted inappropriately, but since Kaecilius knew that he already wasn't fond of him it was better to keep on his good side.

    “So you went to get an attorney then. How did your son respond when he heard the news?”

    “Karl was very upset. He didn't deny anything, but he also didn't see a problem with having such a person staying with him. He told me not to call Dr. Strange what he was, and that he would do whatever it took to keep her with him. I felt that this reflected a poor choice of priorities, because the well-being of his daughter should come before anything else.”

    So far everything was going as he wished. Sara hadn't said anything that made her sound like anything but a concerned grandmother, which was the impression he wanted to send. “Did Mr. Mordo make any effort to contact you after that conversation?”

    “Yes, he did. Karl spoke with me a short while after that, explaining that he had an attorney of his own, and that he was willing to allow me to spend time with Astrid as long as I behaved. I was outraged at first – what could he think I was planning to do? But I realized that it was important to start building a relationship with her, so I agreed. We met for the first time a few days later.”

    “And how did that meeting go?”

    “Oh, it was wonderful. There's something to be said about seeing your grandchild for the very first time. We went and had a great deal of fun together, but our time was cut short due to Astrid not feeling well. But I hope she was able to understand how much I valued spending that time with her, and that I only wish for what is best for her.”

    Kaecilius knew that he had to bring up the next part, because otherwise Ms. Tate would jump on the chance to present a reason to deny Sara the opportunity to be with Astrid again. “Did anything of note happen while the two of you were together?”

    “Unfortunately, yes. Astrid overheard me speaking to a friend of mine about what Dr. Strange had done for work, and hearing such a thing distressed her very much. That cemented my decision to try and gain custody of her, because if just hearing about such things causes her pain then what will happen if she is directly exposed to it?”

    Karl was shaking his mind, and his lips could be seen forming one word. “Lies.” It was too bad. He'd made the stupid choice to try and have something with it, and now was reaping the consequences. Kaecilius knew that Sara should have probably kept her thoughts to herself then, but he couldn't blame her for telling the truth. Stephen was both a whore and a slut, and the little brat needed to learn that sooner rather then later.

    Keeping such thoughts carefully away from his face, he asked “How did Mr. Mordo react to your visit?”

    “Karl was very upset that I had said those things where Astrid could hear them, and said unless I apologized I would not be able to see her again. But I felt that no apology was necessary, since he admitted to me that he had explained what my words meant, and that she had no idea of their meaning before he spoke to her. So I feel it was his fault for causing her distress in this instance.”

    “Did you see anything during the visit that added to your concerns?”

    “Yes. When I first saw Astrid she did not look like someone of her background should. Her clothing was of the sort that you might find in a discount store. It was clear to me at that point that my son had neglected his responsibility to make sure his child knows of her heritage and displays it to others. I was able to get more proper attire during our brief time together, but the neglect of something so important bothered me a great deal. I also feel that sending Astrid to a public school is something that will only end up doing her harm in the long run. She may enjoy the students there, and her teacher does appear to be doing her best. But overall a far better education is normally found in the types of schools Karl attended. I do not want to see her obtaining a sub-par education just because her father has strange ideas about what should be done with children.”

    He wasn't sure that this had been the best of responses, since it tended to make her come across as being fairly superficial. The remarks on Astrid's education were better, since that was the type of thing the court might consider. “Did you at any time discuss anything related to Dr. Strange with Astrid?”

    “I did ask her if he had gotten Karl a present for Christmas, since the topic came up when I was asking her what kinds of toys she liked best. Her answer – that Dr. Strange had given nothing – made me more convinced that the main reason this man wants to be in my son's life is due to all the things he can gain out of the relationship. Otherwise, I believe that he would have made an effort to reciprocate anything given to him. By Astrid's account, that has not taken place.”

    “Have you made an effort to speak with Mr. Mordo about your concerns in this matter?”

    Of course, Kaecilius knew that there was no way Karl would ever opt to speak with his mother due to the bad blood between them. He had said at one point that after he had learned more about his father he couldn't bring himself to even try and mend things. Even though nothing had been said about why this was the case, Kaecilius did his own research and learned of the suspicions behind the tragic death of Nikolai Mordo. With the influence of the Krowler name and the lack of any real evidence, nothing had come of anything and it was called a tragic accident. He'd asked Sara a few questions about her marriage, and from the way she spoke of her deceased spouse he had little doubt of what had really happened to him. It increased his admiration of the woman, since that made it clear that she would do anything to achieve her goals in life.

    She shook her head and sighed. “No. I can count on my hands the number of times Karl has spoken to me or Father since he went away for college. I still believe it was that that made him so distant from us. He got too many ideas in his head and felt he knew better than we did. I cannot accept that, because if Karl did know best about how to live his life he would have some manner of job rather then just living off of the interest on his inheritance. Father gave him a great deal of career advice when he was preparing to go to school, so he can't say he was not told what the best path would be.”

    “What indications was he giving you prior to his departure?” The line of questioning might have seemed unusual to some, because Karl wasn't the one who was being called a threat. Yet it was possible that by implying that he was not particularly responsible it might make Judge Parker look at them in a favorable light. If Karl wasn't the type of person who would make something of himself, then how much effort could he be trusted to put forward on the behalf of his daughter? Yes, he had been able to produce people who said otherwise, but they either had not known him for very long or had a personal connection to him or the whore. So their objectivity could be called into question.

    “I can't exactly recall. I do know that Father spoke with him more about the field of law than he did with any other area of study, but I don't know if that was just because Karl was curious or if he had a genuine interest in studying it. In the end, he got a plain liberal-arts degree, with no real area of specialization. I hoped he would go onto some type of graduate studies, but that never happened either.”

    Now he was going to go and offer up an idea of what things might be like for Astrid if she went to live with her grandmother. “Ms. Krowler, in the event that you were granted custody of Astrid, how would you proceed afterwards?”

   She had to think for a moment. “First of all, I would be taking her home to Germany immediately. I feel that making the change quickly would result in it being a bit easier for her to adjust. Astrid would be taught the whole story of her family, who we are and what we have done. I would begin to look for a school that offered the best program for her education, and hopefully she could begin very soon. So that she could succeed better in school, I would make certain to get her a tutor who could help her to learn German faster. That would aid in her overall integration into society. While unfortunately I do not know any of the other children around who might be part of her social group, I would reach out to see who might be available. And of course I would make certain that Astrid lacked for nothing while she was with me. Due to only having met her the one time, I cannot be sure that Karl has provided for her other needs in the same way he has with her wardrobe, but if he has been negligent in other aspects I will make certain to resolve that issue as well.”

    “Would you be the primary caregiver in that case?”

    “Yes. My father is getting older, and he would not be able to act as he did in the past while helping me with Karl. If I needed extra help, I could always go and hire someone who could assist me with child care. But my first priority would be Astrid.”

    She was saying all the right things. Kaecilius had thought she might, given how long they had spent going over what should be said. While most lawyers wouldn't want to go so far in order to insure their victory, he thought they were fools. You always should do everything possible to win, even if your tactics went outside the usual boundaries. What did you gain from being ethical? Nothing, save defeat. He went on to ask another question. “What about Mr. Mordo? How would you deal with the possibility of him seeing Astrid?”

    “Because of his poor choices, I doubt that I would allow him too much time with her. If Karl did wish to visit Astrid, he would have to come alone, and until I knew I could trust him in doing so I would not allow him to take her out unless I or Father were with her. This may appear to be overly harsh, but in that case it would have also been determined that Astrid being around Dr. Strange is a threat to her well-being. And if after all that Karl still does not agree to leave him then he needs to understand what the consequences of such a decision are.”

    “But you would not deny him the right to see his child.”

    “I would not. I would just make certain that he follows some basic rules if he chooses to do so.”

    Of course, Kaecilius knew the rules were designed to make certain that Karl came as little as possible to see his daughter. Sara had made it clear that in order to properly mold Astrid into the type of person she should be he needed to be kept far away so that his influence could fade. Some visits could be permitted at the start, in order to lull him into a sense of complacency. But as time went on, there would be more and more barriers placed in front of him until he either gave up or Astrid herself told him not to bother coming back. What exactly she would be told to make her reject her father wasn't any business of Kaecilius, unless he was asked for advice on how to do such a thing. He knew previous methods that had been effective with other clients, so he did hope to be asked for some help.

    It was about time to wrap things up, since nothing Sara had said was a surprise to anyone here. “Ms. Krowler, what else would you like to say to the court today?”

    “Just that while I wish things had not come to this, I still feel that I must do what is right for Astrid. Karl has made foolish choices on multiple occasions in his life, but those decisions only affected him and not people around him. When a child is involved, then drastic measures must be taken. I hope that my son realizes how much trouble he has caused by continuing this partnership with Dr. Strange. I know that he will feel terrible when his daughter is no longer able to live with him, but if he goes on as he does then there is no other option. Sara had been told as part of the advice given before testifying that she should always talk about Astrid's custody as if it was a given that she would be living with her. By doing so, it made the judge more likely to think of it as being a foregone conclusion.

    He nodded his head. “No further questions.”

* * *

 

    Sometimes when you are preparing to question someone you have an idea of how you are going to approach the situation. In the case of Sara Krowler, Lily was still weighing her options as she arrived for the day. On one hand, being gentle with her might place her off guard and increase the chance of her slipping up, but it could also make her seem more reasonable than she was. The opposite would be true if she went for a hard-line style, so everything had to be weighed carefully. The best option seemed to be to ask the first few questions in a neutral manner, and see how things turned out.

    The first question was one that she knew would likely be answered with a lie, but it still needed to be asked. “Ms. Krowler, how did you come to learn of Dr. Strange's work?”

    The answer was almost exactly what she had thought would be said. “When I hired an investigator to look into my son's life, he informed me that Stephen Strange had been engaging in prostitution in the past, and might even be doing so now.” She sounded so certain that Lily was impressed. Knowing what she did about Kaecilius and Stephen, it was very likely that any information she had gotten came from the lawyer and not the investigator. There was no proof of anything like that happening, so nothing could be said in court, but both her and Karl believed it to be true.

    “Do you recall what was said, exactly?”

    “Just that he had learned of what the man had been doing after he had been injured. Obviously, this was enough to alarm me.”

    “And how did the investigator learn that information?” She'd made some effort to track down whoever Sara had hired, but after a short period of time she had to give up, with far too many names to go through and no results forthcoming.

    “I believe that he spoke to some of his former clients.”

    “Do you have any idea of how he was able to meet with those people?”

    She paused, not seeming to know what to say. “I think that he went looking for people who might have known Dr. Strange after he lost his home.”

    Lily made sure to keep her eyes fixed on her as she asked “Do you believe that the information given to your investigator might not have been accurate, given the source?”

    “Well, whoever they were, they did tell the truth about his profession. So yes, I do believe them.”

    “But might they have made things sound more lurid then they actually were?”

    “How much more lurid can you make prostitution? I don't think there's a way to make such a thing worse than it is.”

    “Might they have implied that the reason for him engaging in sex work was for his own pleasure instead of a matter of necessity?”

    Sara scowled. “The reason is irrelevant. No matter what, that is something that I do not wish to see my granddaughter exposed to.”

    By now Lily knew she had to be tough in order to crack her open. “Yet by your own account you were the one to tell Astrid about Dr. Strange's work history, correct? Would that not count as a form of exposure?”

    “I was speaking to a friend of mine at the time, not directly to Astrid. Also, I was not the one who explained to her what the words I used meant. That was her father. If he'd let it slide then she would still not have known.” The distinction was a minor one in Lily's eyes. If Sara had truly wanted to shield Astrid from what Stephen had done she would have refrained from speaking to anyone about his work in her presence.

    “But didn't you think that she might want to know what an unfamiliar word meant? I would expect a child to be curious about something like that.”

    “No. Children shouldn't question what adults say unless it is directed at them. And even then one should not be too disrespectful to those who are authorities. I feel that Astrid asking about something that did not concern her is another sign of how Karl has neglect to give her a proper upbringing.”

    Sara might have thought that this was a good answer, but Lily knew that she'd come across as lacking flexibility. It wasn't all that much of a surprise, since her father had been very similar when he had been on the stand. Pushing the issue forward, she said “Astrid did hear what it was you said about Dr. Strange. Before that, do you know if she was aware of what it was he had been doing?”

    “I would guess that it would impossible for her to not know, what with her living with him. There would be some signs that could be spotted.”

    “Such as what?”

    She blinked, not having expected that. “Well, he way he acted around Karl. He might behave in a fairly seductive manner. That would be something a child could notice and realize is wrong.”

    “Since the two of them are seeing each other, then might Astrid not conclude that was just part of dating someone?” She had to try her hardest to not laugh at the idea of Stephen trying to seduce anyone. He was so closed off that it was unlikely he would try and make someone do anything with him.

    “Perhaps, but displays of affection like that should be kept away from children. No matter who is doing so, they should be mindful of what a child might see. Until children are close to maturity, they should not witness anything that alludes to adult activities.”

    Lily knew by this point there was nothing to be gained by continuing to press the issue. She'd already gotten what she needed to get by showing off the cold nature of Sara's personality. Her talk of how children had to always be respectful of adults also was a negative, and showed that she might not be as able to give Astrid what she needed as she implied. There was another issue that needed to be brought up in any case. “Ms. Krowler, you heard the testimony of Ms. Calderu and how she feels you think of her. What do you have to say about that?”

    “That woman always disliked me. Her mother never approved of my marriage to Nikolai, and was always bad-mouthing me to him. She still hounded me even after his death, and at times tried to insert herself into Karl's life. I told her she had no place there, and that put an end to things for a while. I wonder sometimes if it was Karl meeting up with her again when he went away that led him to abandon his family.”

    “By Ms. Calderu's account, you at times made derogatory remarks about her Romani heritage, which led her to not desire for you to play any role in Astrid's life. What do you have to say about that?”

    “She is lying. I never said such a thing. At times I may have let my opinion of her mother be known, but as I said before the woman hated me from the very start. Who knows what kinds of things she told her daughter?”

    “Do you know of any reason why Ms. Morgu might have disliked you so?” One had to notice that she wasn't calling Lilia M. by her name at any time. That combined with the clear disdain on Sara's face made it easy to think that she had in fact made such remarks in spite of her denial.

    “At first I felt that she might have had designs on Nikolai herself, but she did seem happy enough with her husband, so I don't think that was the case. Most likely she was upset that I was the one who was able to enjoy the fruits of the Mordo fortune and title, even though she had been in part raised by the Baron before my husband.”

    “When you became aware of Astrid's birth, did you think to try and make peace with Ms. Calderu?”

    “No. She had made her feelings about me clear in the past. I do not feel it is worthwhile to try and get every single person in the world to feel fondly of you. If Ms. Calderu wanted to make peace, she should have reached out herself.”

    “But by your own statements you wanted to see Astrid early on, but the tension between the two of you prevented that. If you were really so determined to visit her, then would you not have done everything you could to make it happen?”

    Sara was now shooting daggers from her eyes as she said “I felt that Karl might be able to tell her to let me see my granddaughter at some point. It wasn't until later that I learned her mother was not going to play a major part in her life. That did not increase my opinion of her in any way.”

    “Did you feel that the arrangement that was made might have been the best for all concerned? Would it not be worse for Astrid to live with a mother who could not be the parent she needed to have?”

    “If you give birth to a child, you have a level of responsibility towards that child. Children need their mothers, especially when they are young. If Ms. Calderu did not think she was capable of being a parent then she should not have given birth to a child at all.”

    “So your son could not be counted on to provide what a child needed? Astrid would require having her mother around in order to be properly raised?”

    “I feel that Karl, while having good intentions, does not fully understand how to raise a daughter. If his child had been a son things might be somewhat different.”

    Good, good. Sara had come out and said that there were more issues at stake here than just Stephen and his potential to cause harm. In the past it might have mattered more that Karl was a single parent to a daughter, but in this day and age it wasn't really a factor. “So do you think that Ms. Calderu would make a good parent for Astrid?”

    “She has already stated that she does not feel she is capable of doing so. I see no reason to doubt her assessment.”

    “She also has said that she has no issues with Dr. Strange being a caregiver for her daughter. Do you feel that she is correct in her statements there, or is there something about that that makes it different?”

    “Of course there is a difference! The man is a former whore who has degraded himself in so many ways! If Ms. Calderu cannot see the harm that might be done here, then she is being willfully blind!” Her face was contoured in anger, and with each word Sara's voice kept getting louder. Lily was glad to see it, because she knew it meant she was getting to her.

    “If you feel that she is being willfully blind, then why do you think that is the case?”

    “Her feelings towards me are not positive. This makes her unwilling to support me in my endeavor to keep Astrid safe, no matter what.”

    Lily made the choice to ask a question that she felt would help them out a great deal. “May I put a scenario before you? Let's just say that the court rules that Dr. Strange does in fact pose a threat to Astrid's welfare. In response to this, Ms. Morgu offers herself up as a caregiver. If that was put forward, would you be able to accept that option as a good outcome?”

    She was trapped. Saying no was going to make her sound unreasonable to Judge Parker, but saying yes was going to put a third option on the table, which wasn't going to work any better for her. “I would have to see what kinds of conditions she placed on Karl seeing Astrid in that case.”

    “What sorts of conditions would you find acceptable?”

    “If she were to forbid that man from coming anywhere close to my granddaughter. That would be one. And I would also like to see if I could have some manner of visitation in that case.”

    “If Ms. Morgu did not permit you to have visitation, but also did not allow Dr. Strange to be around Astrid, would this work out?”

    Sara looked away. Lily knew that she desperately wanted to say no, but knew that doing so would damage their case. “I would wait to see if she followed through on her promise to keep the man away.”

    “Do you think that such an outcome would make Astrid happy?” 

    She apparently did not know what to say in response to that question, given the amount of time that it took to get an answer. “The change might be difficult to deal with.”

    It was just what she had been hoping to hear. “How would such a change be any easier if it were you she was going to live with?”

    If it hadn't been for knowing what the woman was truly like, Lily would have felt badly for having put the stunned look she could now see on Sara Krowler's face. Her own words had now trapped her, and it would be a hard task to go against them now. “I believe that I would be able to provide more of what it is Astrid needs to be raised properly.”

    “But do you feel her emotions would differ in any major way in that case?”

    “No.” The word came out with great reluctance.

    Lily simply said “No further questions, your honor.” There was nothing more to be done in this case. While Sara's testimony hadn't done her any favors, it likely wasn't enough to completely sink the case. It wouldn't be any good if they couldn't do something to counter the claims that were made about Stephen. Judge Parker might have looked at Sara as being a poor choice as a parental figure, but if he also thought that Stephen posed a greater threat to Astrid then he still could rule in her favor.

    Karl was sitting and waiting for his time to come to the stand. Lily asked him “How do you feel about all this?”

    “Besides wanting it to be all over? I'm expecting thing to be rough with Kaecilius, but I hope I can handle him. I'm more worried about how he's going to approach the topic of Stephen. He's tried to set me off before, so I have no doubt he'll try it again.”

    “Don't be too sure of that. Judge Parker already has lost his temper with Kaecilius once here. He's going to be extra careful from now on, or it could kill his case. Nobody wants to lose just because they aggravated the judge one too many times.” There wasn't much of a question on whether or not Kaecilius would try to get to Karl, but the most likely path would take the form of allusions instead of outright aggression. She thought he was probably going to question Karl's judgement in allowing someone he had only known for a relatively brief time into his life in such a way.

    “I hope you're right. What with some of the things I've learned about what happened to Stephen I know it's going to be hard to keep my temper under wraps.” Karl kept glancing as he spoke over to where his mother and Kaecilius were talking. Neither seemed to be upset, so Sara's remarks weren't being viewed as being a big deal for their overall case.

    And as Lily stood up, she spoke what were likely to be the most important words of all for their case. “Your honor, I would like to call Karl Mordo to the stand.”

 


	47. Karl, Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl is able to speak his mind for the first time, but what will come of it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: talk of past rape/non-con.

    As Karl made his way to the stand, he was surprised at his overall lack of nerves. What with what was at stake here, he had thought that he would be a nervous wreck, but there was instead a strangely tranquil feeling. He hoped this was a good sign.

    He almost knew what Lily's first question was going to be before she even opened her mouth. “Mr. Mordo, can you tell the court how it was you first met Stephen Strange?”

    It was easy to talk about this part. “I first met Stephen around eight months ago, on Astrid's first day of school. We both arrived on the school grounds at about the same time, and both Astrid and Donny struck up a conversation. He was fairly withdrawn with me that first day, but from that point onward we saw each other every day after school, pretty much. Normally we'd talk a little bit, and the first time Astrid had Donny over to visit he stayed for dinner.”

    “Did at any time you see anything that struck you as unusual about either one of them?”

    He knew that the time he had witnessed Stephen talking to that woman would have qualified, but since no one knew about that but him it could remain unsaid. “Other than the fact they were struggling to get by, no. Donny was for the most part well-provided for, but Stephen was normally wearing worn-out clothes and looked like he needed to gain some weight. I offered several times to have him over for dinner again, but he declined every time except for Thanksgiving.”

    “How was your Thanksgiving?” It felt like such a silly question, but Karl had faith that Lily knew what she was doing at this point. There had to be a reason, even if he didn't know what it was.

    “Very enjoyable. Stephen and I got to talk for a while, and he shared a few things about his family with me. He was a great deal less morose than he usually was, and didn't object to staying longer than the dinner took. He even went and gave me a hug before leaving. Since he was always so closed-off with other people, I could tell it meant something.”

    “Can you give me a brief account of what the events were that led up to Dr. Strange and his son moving in with you?”

    Keeping it brief was going to be hard, but he would make an effort. “On January 20 th , I was eating dinner with Astrid when Stephen suddenly showed up at my door. He asked me if I could look after Donny for a while, because he needed to work and there was no one else to look after him. I agreed to do so, and it wasn't until it was past ten that night that I started to get worried about what might have happened.”

    “Didn't you think this was out of the ordinary? Were you concerned about what Dr. Strange's work might be?”

    “At the time, not so much. It wasn't until later on that I started to think more about it, but at the time I don't think I could allow myself to fully think the matter through.” He still felt a tinge of guilt for having missed the signs Stephen had given him before that night. How had he been so blind?

     “What happened when he arrived back?”

    “I could tell that something was very wrong. Stephen looked like some of his hair had been pulled out, and he was bleeding from a wound on his head. It wasn't until I saw he was coughing up blood that I told him I was taking him to the hospital. He'd had that cough for around a week or so, but seeing the blood made me realize action needed to be taken, now. Stephen agreed as long as I let him take a shower first.” Looking back, on some level he had known exactly what must have happened when the request to take the shower was made. But denial was such a powerful force in one's life.

    “What was the end result of that visit?” Lily was getting closer to the things he did not want to talk about, but Karl knew they had to be said.

    “Stephen had a serious case of pneumonia and needed to be admitted right away. He sent a request to me to take care of Donny until he got out, which I agreed to do.” Take a deep breath, and keep going on. “The next day, I told Donny we needed to go to his home so I could get more of his things. He was reluctant to tell me his address, so I had to just get directions from the train station nearby. Nothing really could have prepared me for what I ended up seeing. Donny and Stephen were living inside an abandoned building, and had been doing so since the beginning of the school year. At first I thought that something had happened to make them have to live like that, but Donny told me that for his entire life, except for a brief period of time when he was a baby they had never had a real home. I was shocked to hear this. There was nothing in my mind that would have pointed towards the two of them being homeless.” Unlike Stephen's other secret, this one Karl honestly could say he had no idea of. He still felt that there would have been no way for him to have guess the truth about their home. “When we went to visit Stephen that night, I sent both children to get dinner in the cafeteria so that we could talk by ourselves. I told him that Donny had shown me their home, and he said that I knew most of it now. I then told him that I knew he sometimes didn't get paid for his work, and I thought that it was because he was homeless. And then...” He had to stop and take a moment before saying the next part. “Then he told me 'Goddammit Karl, I'm a whore.'” The words came out in a tremble, and Karl had to blink his eyes multiple times in order to prevent tears from building up in them.

    Lily looked to be upset she even had to bring up such a thing, and asked “What was your reaction to hearing that news?”

    “Shock. In hindsight I could see some of the signs, but I never allowed myself to think about them too much. Stephen started to tell me about how he became involved in his work, and that he had a history with the client he'd been seeing that night. He said that he couldn't use protection because he wasn't really in demand, so he got diseases on a fairly regular basis. And he told me that he had been raped ten times since he started working, with the most recent coming the night before.” With the final sentence, his voice began to tremble and he could no longer keep some tears from flowing out of his eyes.

    To his surprise, the next person to speak was not Lily but rather Judge Parker. “Mr. Mordo, do you need to take a moment?” The concern in his voice was the most emotion he had shown during the hearing save when he had lost his temper with Kaecilius.

    “Just a few seconds. I'll be fine.” It was the first real time he had spoken the words about what happened to Stephen, save for the time with Pat and when he had gone to the therapy group. Both of those times had a different feel to them, as he had no fear of judgement in either place. He'd glanced at Kaecilius once as he spoke, and had seen him rolling his eyes. Karl would have thought before that that seeing his disdain would have made him angry, but the greatest thing to come out of it was more sadness.

    Lily waited until he had been given some time to compose himself. “The news must have been devastating to hear. What did you do afterwards?”

    “I wasn't able to say anything more then, because both children had come back into Stephen's room. I finally had a chance to talk to him on Monday, and I told him that it was killing me to know that for the whole time I had known him he and Donny were living on the streets. I said I wanted to help by having the both of them move in with me when he left the hospital.”

    “What was the reaction of Dr. Strange to your proposal?”

    This part was also going to be difficult to say. “Stephen thought at first that I was making some kind of proposition to him, but I was able to convince him otherwise. He accepted the offer mainly on the behalf of Donny, because he had always hoped to give him a better life then the one they had at the time.”

    “At any time when you made the offer, did the idea of embarking on a romantic relationship with Dr. Strange ever enter your motivations?”

    “No. I had known since Thanksgiving that I had feelings for Stephen that went beyond friendship, but I never said anything due to his overall closed-off nature. Additionally, he had said during that time that he couldn't ever see himself becoming involved with anyone ever again. So I felt discretion would be the best option here.”

    “But you clearly were able to convey your feelings to him at some point. May I ask how that came about?”

    “A short while after Stephen began his therapy with Dr. Drumm, he wrote me a letter saying that he had feelings for me, but didn't want to disturb anything by making them known. He said that hopefully I wouldn't be too mad at him and we could just carry on as we had been before. Of course, that wasn't how I felt at all. I wrote him back telling him how I felt, and we made plans to go out to have dinner together.”

    “How would you say things in your household have changed since Dr. Strange and his son moved in with you?”

    “Mostly there hasn't been too much of an impact. Astrid and Donny have had some minor issues over having to share things with another child all the time, but those have been sorted out fairly easily. In regards to the two of us, both of them have accepted having another adult in their lives, and seemed to be happy at hearing we would be going out on a date. Unfortunately, it was shortly thereafter when everything changed for us. A short time thereafter, I received a phone call from my mother informing me she knew about Stephen and that she was going to be filing for custody of Astrid due to all of this.”

    “Ms. Krowler has said you have not allowed her to see Astrid up until very recently. Can you explain your reasoning behind that decision?”

    Talking about his childhood was going to be far easier than talking about what had happened to Stephen. “To start with, from the very first time I can remember I cannot recall there being any time Mother ever showed me any affection unless it was for her own purposes. Everything I did in life had to be something that would suit the family name, and I was never allowed to have real friends in my life. So when I became a parent myself, I did not feel that having a toxic influence like my mother in Astrid's life would benefit her in any way.”

    “Ms. Calderu has spoken about her concerns for Astrid's interaction with her grandmother due to the way she has been treated in the past by her. Do you feel that was a consideration as well?”

    “Yes. I have been aware of the prejudice that my family holds towards the Romani people, and Lilia has been the subject of a great deal of verbal abuse. I was not aware of some of the things that were said to her, but the overall tone doesn't surprise me all that much. With regards to Astrid, I don't think that my mother would say anything to her about being of partial Romani blood, but the idea of exposing my daughter to someone who might say those things is also not a thing I wish to do.”

    “You did allow Astrid a visit with Ms. Krowler recently. How did that visit go?”

    Karl sighed. “Astrid was uncomfortable during their meeting because she knew that her grandmother was seeking to take her away from her home. She didn't understand why Mother had an issue with how she was dressed, because she looked just like the other students in her class did. But the worst thing of all was how she referred to Stephen. Astrid says that on multiple occasions she called him a whore and a slut, and while she did not know what either one of those words meant the negative meaning was very clear to her. On a somewhat positive note, Mother did buy her a great deal of things, but due to the way she spoke about Stephen almost all of them ended up being donated to charity.” Karl looked at Sara while he said that, and the shock on her face was well worth it.

    Lily said “How did you explain to Astrid about what her grandmother said about Stephen?”

    “I told her about how there were people in the world who paid others to do grown-up things with them, and those people they paid were sometimes called whores. She asked me if Stephen had been one of those people, and I told her yes. As I did so, I couldn't believe that at her age I was having to tell her about prostitution. It's not the sort of thing you ever think of having to tell your child about.”

    “Did Astrid know anything about what Dr. Strange had done prior to then?”

    “She did not. Stephen never wanted the children to know anything about how he had been earning a living before moving in with me. He thought that they were too young to have to hear anything like that, and that they would think differently of him after knowing it. He was upset that Astrid was told about his work, even in an indirect way. I think he was surprised that she didn't change her view of him after learning that.”

    “What was Astrid's reaction to the news?”

    “I think that the part where she learned that people had done things that hurt Stephen badly was worse for her than just learning he had engaged in prostitution. It was hard for me to tell her that people had called him names, hit him, or touched him in ways he didn't want to be touched.” His voice shook a little, but he was able to keep himself under control.

    “Do you think if Ms. Krowler hadn't told her that, that she would still be unaware of what happened?”

    “I know at some point something would have to be said. But not in the way things ended up coming out. If Astrid did end up learning what Stephen had been doing, it needed to be told in a sensitive manner, not with insults. What ended up bothering me even more about everything was that Mother did not seem to think that she had done anything wrong by saying those things. Her defense when I spoke to her about the incident was that what she had said was true, so I should not have had any objections to the words said. She did not understand why it had hurt Astrid, and refused to apologize for what she said. I then told her that if she did not say she was sorry to Astrid then I would not allow any future visits. Since Mother did not do so, I have not allowed any more contact between them.”

    “Has Astrid expressed any desire to see her grandmother again?”

    “No. She's quite afraid of encountering her once more, and now stays inside her classroom when it's recess because she does not want to risk running into her once more. Sometimes I wish I hadn't let her go in the first place, but I was hopeful that if I did let them meet it would make it easier to work out some kind of arrangement that would be pleasing to us both.” It was a bit of a distortion of the facts, but Karl could safely say that if things had gone well he might have been more willing to allow Sara more chances to be around her granddaughter. Now he was standing firm in his belief that they should not spend any time together at all.

    “Has Astrid shown any other changes since the issue of her custody came about?”

    “The thing I've noticed most is that she tends to cry more easily. Seeing something sad on TV or in a book is going to produce tears for quite a long time. Astrid also has trouble falling asleep at night, and wants me to stay with her until she is able to sleep. Her performance in school is a lot more uneven than it was before. She won't go and visit her best friend, no matter how much she's asked to come. And recently she went and started destroying her bedroom at one point, saying that it didn't matter if she wrecked everything because soon enough she wouldn't be there anyway. No one in the home has been free of tension since this all came about, but Astrid is the most disrupted in her life right now.”

    The next question worked well with how he had answered before. “How would you compare Astrid's behavior now to the way she was when Dr. Strange and Donny moved in?”

    “The biggest issues were between the children, as I said before. Astrid always seemed to be glad that Stephen was living with us now, which I think was due to her seeing how he had been living before. She did ask him at one point about the medication he takes, which led into a brief discussion about his depression. He said that he was feeling very sad, and the medicine was helping him feel better. Stephen's joined in on some activities with her and Donny, but his mood has made that harder than it might be otherwise. But he's always willing to listen to any problems they might have, whether they're related to what's going on right now or something else entirely. But overall there were no behavior changes I could see at the time.”

    “Would you say that Dr. Strange and Astrid have developed a relationship over time?”

    “Yes. She's gone from seeing him as Donny's father to being just Stephen. She's called him 'Daddy's boyfriend' to some people, and will do what he tells her without too much trouble. He doesn't try to ask her to do much, though. I think he's uncertain about what his role should be in caring for Astrid, and doesn't want to do anything that I might be doing instead. But I still can remember the time I came home and found her rubbing his hand because it was hurting bad that day, and she wanted to make him feel better.”

    When he'd seen that, he had later on asked Astrid if Stephen had asked her to do it. Her answer was “No, but Donny says he used to do that when his hands hurt bad. But Donny's playing at Diego's now, so I wanted to help. Stephen said I didn't have to, but I wanted to.” It was evidence of the kindness she had learned to express, and that same kindness would be snuffed out if she was forced to leave her home.

    “Have things changed between them since she learned about his work?”

    “While there has been a bit more distance between them, it's hard for me to say if that was the result of learning what Stephen was doing or if it's because of the strain from the court case. Stephen's told me that he feels responsible for causing all the trouble here, and he feels Astrid must feel the same way. He's said that if he's causing too much trouble he'll leave, but I've urged him to not do so. Losing him would break my heart just as much as losing Astrid would, and where would he go? I'm the only other person he has who can give him a roof over his head.”

    Lily went on with what he had just said. “Do you think that it would be possible for Dr. Strange to get back in the medical field in some way, and by doing so be able to provide for himself?”

    “Based on what I've seen from Stephen, that's not possible at this time. He's told me that he feels too tainted to ever become a respectable member of society again, and couldn't be around other professionals while knowing that he had had sex with strangers for money.” Karl couldn't make himself use the more crude terms that Stephen had. “I've also seen his overall level of mental health, and while there are days where everything is normal, Stephen is still clearly suffering from the after-effects of what he had to do to survive while living on the streets. There are things that will cause him a great deal of distress that aren't apparent to most people, and I've seen what can happen if he's exposed to one of them. Just a tag on his back was enough to trigger a flashback, and I only was able to bring him back by putting an ice cube on his face. Additionally, he feels ashamed of the reactions he does have when facing that type of exposure, which adds to the complications.”

    The next question was one that Karl had been waiting for. “Do you think that these issues are causing Astrid any significant level of harm?”

    “Astrid clearly doesn't like seeing someone she cares about hurting like that, so that's something that bothers her. But she's dealt with it fairly well, asking if there's anything she or Donny can do to make Stephen feel better or what might be something that upsets him. As of yet she hasn't asked anything about the specifics of what happened to him, and if she does I'm going to speak with Dr. Drumm on what might be a good way of approaching the matter.”

    “What else would you want to say about Stephen that might not have been addressed earlier?”

    The question felt unusual, but there was only one answer he could give. “That I love him very much, and will do whatever it takes to keep my family together.”

    Lily gave him a smile and said “No further questions, your honor.”

    A break was taken, which Karl found to be a relief. What with everything he had shared today, having to face Kaecilius right away would have been too much to handle. He turned to Lily and asked “How do you think Kaecilius is going to handle questioning me?”

    She just shook her head. “I'm willing to bet that he's going to be as ruthless as he can possibly be. Normally if you have some kind of personal connection with someone in court you try to keep your feelings inside you, or you run the risk of messing up. Knowing Kaecilius like I do, I doubt he ever fears making a mistake. He's still got a lot of anger towards you for breaking up with him, so don't be surprised if he tries to hit any of your weak spots or makes obscene remarks about Stephen.”

    On some level it made sense that Kaecilius was angry over the termination of a relationship he had clearly valued on some level. But Karl knew that his anger should have been directed at himself more than anyone else. Kaecilius had been the one who chose to keep visiting Stephen while he was seeing Karl, the one who did not feel using protection was necessary, and it had been his own reaction to being confronted that had fully slammed the door on them having a future together. While even if he had acted contrite there wasn't much of a chance of things going on as they had, at least then Karl would have thought of him in a better light.

   Thinking about the break-up reminded him of when Stephen had spoken about his time in the woods. He had been horrified by the level of cruelty displayed, and how later on Kaecilius still would bring up that time via his fire references or the message he'd sent. A part of him wondered if Kaecilius had really ever been serious with his desire to set Stephen on fire or if it had just been part of a twisted game.

    Which one would be worse wasn't an idea he wanted to think about right now.

   Returning to the stand, he looked to see any signs of what might be thrown at him. Kaecilius was walking over to him slowly, and he was reminded of the times he watched Ms. Maple prepare to pounce on one of her toys. He paced back and forth and said “Mr. Mordo, when you first met Dr. Strange do you think that there were any other factors that played a role in you befriending him?”

    What was the answer he hoped to get? That he'd wanted to get into Stephen's pants? “Besides our children getting to know each other? I would say that I felt badly for Stephen, because I could tell he was struggling to get by. And later on watching him avoid contact with anyone else made me want to reach out to him.”

    “Didn't you think that maybe the reason he was avoiding others was because he wanted to be left alone?”

    “I thought of that as possible. But Stephen never told me that he didn't want me around him. In fact, he normally looked very pleased to see me each day.” The expression on his face had been one of the reasons Karl had kept on engaging with him, because on some level he did want someone to be close to him.

    Kaecilius turned up one side of his mouth, and then asked “Do you think that one of the reasons you might have tried to become friendly with Dr. Strange was that you felt pity for him?”

    “I did feel sympathy for him, the same way I would if I see anyone who is having a hard time getting by. Learning more about how isolated he was made me want to reach out to him even more. I don't think that there's anything wrong with feeling that way towards people.”

    “But most of the time when people have those feelings towards others they don't just leave them as they are. Why didn't you try and offer some help to Dr. Strange?”

    “I did try. At first I just kept asking him if he would like to come to dinner again, talking about how much I enjoyed having him there. Most of the time he would just say he wasn't available, and when Donny came for subsequent visits he always made sure to come well after we had eaten. So I just stopped trying. The only other major thing I did for him was purchase a coat for Christmas, but that did not go well at all. And while I knew that I could have easily gotten Stephen anything he might have needed, I also know that most people don't react all that well to being given something out of what they perceive as pity. If just a meal together could produce rejection, then I wasn't going to try and push the issue further. When he was in the hospital, I did end up paying all of his expenses, so that was something I accomplished.”

    “Did you ever think about the child who was present? Did his needs not cross your mind?”

    The way that Kaecilius just called Donny “the child” rankled Karl to no end. Stephen had said it was only Donny's presence that kept him from trying harder to get him to move in and become his live-in sex toy, even though he never really wanted to accept. “Donny was always provided for. He may not have had new clothes, and he received the school meals every day, but he never seemed hungry or unkempt. It was clear to me that Stephen put his son before himself when it came to everything necessary.”

    The tone in his voice was the kind you would use with a misbehaving child. “And of course you spoke with him about what he was getting in life. There would be no way you would just rely on what you saw, of course.”

    “I did speak with Donny when he came to visit Astrid and me. I asked him about if he got enough to eat, and he said that he always got all his meals. He did express worry that his father wouldn't get to have dinner or breakfast on some days, and said that he was told since he was growing he needed the food more.” He made an effort to keep himself under control. It wasn't enough for him to imply that Stephen had been neglecting Donny's needs. Now he was saying Karl had done the same by not providing more even if it might not have been needed? “If I felt Donny had not been cared for properly, I would have either spoken to Stephen about it or I would have gone to the proper authorities.”

    “Then why didn't you make a report after you saw where they had been living? Isn't living in an abandoned building with a child a form of neglect?”

    “There were two reasons I did not say anything. First of all, at the time I discovered the truth Donny was safely staying with me. So at first there wasn't a problem. Second, Stephen agreed very shortly afterwards to move in with me, so the housing problem was then solved. Finally, I knew how much they both loved each other and didn't feel it would be in their best interests to be separated.”

    Kaecilius didn't ask another question for a few moments, pacing back and forth instead. His question, when it finally came, was “Did you think that there might be any problems with having someone under your roof who you admit you had romantic feelings towards and also said that they could not ever imagine themselves being involved ever again?”

    “No. I knew that I could keep my feelings under wraps as long as they needed to be.”

    “And how would you describe your relationship with Dr. Strange now?”

    He wasn't certain of what the point of this question was. “Good. We talk, go out, and do all the other things you do with someone that you are dating. I enjoy being around Stephen, and he enjoys my company as well.”

    And the familiar smile came back onto his face. “What about the more physical aspects of your relationship? How is that part going?”

    Karl could feel his anger building, and even as he heard Lily voicing her objection he shouted “There is nothing, thanks to those monsters who used him in so many ways! They tore away at his soul, and shattered his mind! My own desires mean nothing compared to what I would do if dared to try anything now!”

    Judge Parker ended up raising his own voice and said “Enough! Mr. Sorenson, this line of questioning is entirely inappropriate to pursue. If I have to speak to you one more time I will be holding you in contempt. For now, we will take a brief recess to allow everyone the chance to calm down a bit.” He glanced at Karl and said “Mr. Mordo, I would advise you to step outside for a few minutes. It will do you no good staying here now.”

    He got up and left the room, knowing the judge was right. But a sliver of hope had been implanted in him. If Kaecilius was acting in such an unprofessional manner, then wouldn't their case be even stronger?

    A hand reached out to touch his shoulder. “I'm sorry. This is really starting to get to me, too. All I can do whenever I look at him is think about the terrible things he's done to Stephen and I'm willing to bet others. And there's nothing we can do about it.”

    Karl turned to face Lily, and asked “There's no limit on bringing charges against him, right? It wouldn't matter how long ago it happened?”

    “Yes, but most prosecutors aren't going to want to try a case with no physical evidence and both a victim who can be easily discredited along with an upstanding defendant. Maybe if there's someone else who comes forward Stephen could try and put his case out there, but until then we have to wait.”

    He'd suspected that would be the case, but it didn't make it much easier to hear. “Do you think that Kaecilius asking that question makes our case better off?”

    “To a degree. Judge Parker is probably going to be looking more closely at why Kaecilius might have agreed to take on the case, which works for us. But if he thinks there are problems with Stephen he might not feel it matters too much. And then there's the guardian. Astrid's meeting her tomorrow, right?”

    “Yes. I'm bringing Donny with us because Stephen's seeing Dr. Drumm when we'll be there, and school's out that day. I'm also going to speak with her, and at some point she'll talk to Mother. I wonder what they'll think of each other.”

    “If she shows what she did for me on the stand, we're in good shape. If she's able to charm her like she did with Dr. Sofen, we're in trouble.” Lily removed her hand. “Shall we go back in?”

    He nodded, and together they walked through the doors. 

 


	48. Waiting Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karl continues to speak, Wong holds Stephen together, and Donny recognizes a face from the past.

    From the look on Kaecilius's face, he'd clearly been lectured in addition to what had been said earlier. Karl hoped the possibility of legal sanctions would keep him more under wraps than he had been before. His next question did seem to be more mild than his prior ones had been. “Mr. Mordo, would you say that Dr. Strange has serious mental health issues?”

    “I would describe Stephen's problems as being fairly serious, yes.” There was no need to deny that, because the issue was not whether or not he had those problems but rather how the problems would affect Astrid.

    “Would you say that Ms. Krowler does not have those same issues?”

    Well, his mother had problems, but they weren't anything like Stephen's. “She does not have the troubles he does in my knowledge.”

    “So can you say that in that aspect she is a better choice for parenthood than Dr. Strange is?”

    “No, because I don't feel that one's mental health necessarily makes one a bad parent. There are more important factors to be considered. While it's better for the person in question to not have those issues, it's not always going to affect their ability to make a good parent.”

    “So even if the parent in question believed that their child was a demon and needed to be purged from this earth, you would still think that their mental health wasn't an issue?”

    He kept himself from sighing as he said “No, because in that case their mental health is causing direct problems for their children. Stephen hasn't had any of those issues.”

    “So at no times have either child encountered something related to his challenges?”

    On one level Karl was glad that Kaecilius had used the correct pronoun when talking about Stephen this time. “They have. But I think of those times as being just part of dealing with someone who is sick. If Stephen had cancer, and was suffering from the effects of chemotherapy, then they would have to see and deal with that. Mental health issues shouldn't be seen as being any different than physical problems.” 

    “But there would be no chance of Dr. Strange doing something that might harm the children if he were suffering from a physical problem, correct?”

    “I don't think the chances are high that he's going to do something to anyone right now or in the future. I've seen nothing that indicates that.”

    Kaecilius put on a look of false concern and asked “How can you be certain of that? He has been diagnosed with PTSD. Do you think there is a chance he might end up lashing out if he has a flashback?”

    “I've never seen Stephen lash out at anyone during the instances I have seen him have a flashback. Mostly he just sits there, frozen. From what I've heard there never was a time when he was able to do anything against the people who hurt him, so I wouldn't expect him to do anything now.”

    “Could you guarantee that would always be the case?”

    “There are no guarantees when it comes to how people behave, so the answer would have to be no.” Karl hated seeing the look on his face when he said that, as if a significant victory had just been won.

    Satisfied, Kaecilius now shifted his topics. “Mr. Mordo, why did you ask Dr. Strange and his son to come live with you as opposed to trying to get them help in some alternative way?”

    “Because I knew that Stephen hadn't reached out for any of those kinds of services before, and that there had to be a reason why he didn't. I could have just gone and paid for a place they could stay in, but I wasn't sure if that would be seen as being insulting to him. Asking him to stay for a while felt like it wouldn't sound too permanent or too much like some misguided effort at charity.”

    “At any time, did you think about what troubles might result due to your bringing someone into your home that you had known for only a short period of time?”

    Karl wondered how long he was supposed to have known Stephen before letting him into his home. “I didn't feel we'd known each other for too little time for my invitation to be unwise. Our children had already become close, and I had gotten to know Stephen as well as anyone could. I did think that there might be some issues resulting from the change, but nothing I felt we couldn't handle.”

    “Were you aware at the time of the extent of Dr. Strange's mental health issues?”

    He hated having to answer this question honestly. “I was not. I felt before jumping into this that what Stephen needed was a place to stay and some stability, and then things could get back to normal. But I underestimated the level of trauma he'd experienced, and learned that until those issues were addressed by a professional there was no way he would be able to live a normal life again.”

    How naive he had been at that time. From the very first time he had heard about what Stephen had really been doing he should have gone and sought out more extensive help than what he had tried to give, but Karl hadn't wanted to think of someone he loved being so damaged. He'd gone so far to ask Dr. Drumm at one point if by waiting he had done even more damage, but the answer had been “No. The problems Stephen has are the result of those people who mistreated him, not you waiting too long to get help. Even if you'd gone and sought me out right away I don't expect there would be all that much difference in how he's functioning today.”

    It had made him feel better, but not all that much. He knew that he would continue to feel guilt for what had happened for some time to come.

    Kaecilius crossed his arms over his chest, and said “So even after you heard that Dr. Strange had supposedly been attacked ten times, you still thought he wasn't going to need any help?”

    He kept his voice even and responded “There was no supposedly about it. I never had any doubts that Stephen was telling me the truth. And one of the reasons I didn't think that he would need help was because even though the most recent assault had happened only a day or so ago and nothing from his behavior indicated distress. At the time I didn't realize how that kind of minimization was in fact a sign of how bad it was. But even if I had known that then, I'm not certain forcing Stephen into counseling would have done anything good for our relationship.” When he'd gone to Pat's group, learning that other people who had been hurt the same way Stephen had also had a similar reaction made things feel a bit clearer. It had been even more helpful to hear that if something like that happened more than once it was even more likely that they would act as if it were no big deal. He wished that he could get Stephen to go to a group of his own, but the idea had been shot down when it was proposed.

    “But even if you thought it might harm your relationship with him, didn't you think he would benefit from some kind of assistance?”

    “I don't feel that forcing people into therapy is going to benefit them in any way. If Stephen didn't want to talk about what happened to him, then I wasn't going to make him do it. Also, I know that the hospital gave him information on resources for victims of sexual assault, so it wasn't like he was bereft of any type of help.”

    The last thing Karl expected to see was a look of panic in Kaecilius's eyes. For the first time, he seemed to be taken aback. It dawned on him the reason for his panic. He now knew that when Stephen had visited the hospital for pneumonia that he had at least mentioned what had happened. And if he did that, there was a chance of some physical trail leading to him. Karl felt his heart leap as the prospect of being able to press some charges against his ex.

    Kaecilius was able to rebound, and he asked Karl “How strong would you say your feelings are for Dr. Strange?”

    “I love Stephen with all of my heart. I've never felt so strongly about anyone else in my life.”

    “And what about your daughter? How strongly do you feel about her?”

    “Astrid is the light of my life. She had been a source of joy for me ever since her birth. I cannot say that there has ever been a time where my life was not enriched by her presence.” Even as he answered, he could guess what the next question was going to be, and dreaded having to answer it. Karl felt relieved Stephen would not be there to hear him say what he had to.

    With a nod of his head, he asked “So if you were placed in a situation where you had to choose between keeping your daughter in your life or Dr. Strange, what would you do then?”

    He took a few moments, trying to compose himself and give the best answer he could. “Based on everything that has occurred thus far, I don't believe that I will have to make that decision.” Karl couldn't really guarantee that, since he didn't know what the judge was going to say. “But in the event that I did have to make that decision, I would choose Astrid. She's more in need of the care I give her, and the bond you have with your child is one that should not be severed under any circumstances. I must say that if I was forced to make that choice, it would break my heart beyond measure. And there is no rational reason that I can think of to have such a choice foisted upon me.”

    “Have you spoken at any time with Dr. Strange about this?”

    “I haven't directly stated what my choice in that case would be, but Stephen has said on multiple occasions in the past that if he is causing trouble for Astrid and I he should leave. I've told him not to do so, because then where would he go? But if the choice was given to him I know Stephen would leave our lives without any hesitation. He's even said in that case Donny could stay with us so he could have a better life. So I know that he is willing to do what it takes to ensure that Astrid has the best outcome possible.”

    Kaecilius asked “What do you think would happen to him then?”

    “I don't know. But I know it wouldn't be anything good.”

    He smiled, and Karl could recall the proposal he'd given him for leaving the case. “No further questions, your honor.” Given the use of the title, it sounded like Judge Parker had truly been able to knock some manner of sense into him, although how long it would last remained unknown.

    And with that, it was over. The only thing that remained was the three of them meeting the guardian, and her giving her report to the judge. But there would be no more testimony given, no more sitting and waiting to hear what would be said. Today, Karl made certain to wait until he knew Kaecilius had left before he got up. He wanted no chance of having to deal with him.

    Looking over at Lily, he asked “How are you doing?”

    “Pretty good. My cousins are coming to visit me in a few weeks. I can't wait to see them again. Since we were all born within a month or so of each other, we've always been close. So that should be fun. And before we know it this will all be over.”

    Karl had to ask the next bit. “What will happen if Judge Parker says that Astrid needs to go and stay with my mother? What will we do then?”

    “First of all, I'd be filing an order in court to block the move pending an appeal to a higher court. Then I'd go and see if I could find any evidence of Kaecilius having seen Stephen in the past. If we could get that, it would represent a clear conflict of interest and make our appeal more likely to succeed. But right now that's all hypothetical. Don't stress too much over this for now, Karl. It'll just drive you crazy. Keep yourself somewhat together for Astrid's sake. She needs you now more than ever.”

    Given what was at stake, he didn't know if he could compose himself all that much, but he knew Lily was right. “I'll try my best. I'll see you later, Lily. Hopefully the next time we meet we can celebrate afterwards.”

* * *

 

    “Stephen, could you please stop pacing around? It's making me nervous.”

    For the last fifteen minutes Wong had been watching his friend pace back and forth through the living room, clearly on edge. When he'd gotten the call from Stephen just as he was leaving work, it had been obvious he was in a state of crisis. He hadn't gone and outright said that he was thinking about harming himself, but it had been heavily implied. So Wong had stayed on the phone the entire time it took him to get to Karl's apartment, making sure he was okay. It had been a huge relief to finally get there and see Stephen at the door. His first question had been “Are you alright?”

    “No.” It was an honest answer. “I've been thinking about what's going to happen all day. I just know that it's going to be bad, and it will be all my fault. If I'd never come here Astrid wouldn't have to worry about what was going to happen to her, and Karl wouldn't be losing his daughter. It goes to show that I'm really selfish at heart – if I weren't, I would have left by now or at least taken up the offer.”

    The offer, whatever it might be, sounded like a bad idea to Wong. “Have you called Dr. Drumm?”

    “I did. He told me to get someone to come and stay with me until I was feeling stronger. If I couldn't do that, then I needed to go to the ER. I couldn't do that, though. What would happen to Donny and Astrid if I wasn't here?” Stephen shook his head at the idea. It made Wong feel a bit relieved. If he was worried about that, the chances of him trying something weren't as great as they might have been.

    “I'm glad I was able to be here for you. Where are Donny and Astrid right now?”

    “Watching a DVD on Karl's computer. I told them you were coming over and we wanted to be alone for a little while. I think they knew I wasn't feeling good, but they were happy to get to do something they normally can't.” Both Karl and Stephen put limits on how much time their children could spend using any kind of electronic device, feeling that too much screen time wasn't good at their age.

    Wong was glad both that they were alright and that he could talk to Stephen for a while alone. “Do you know when Karl will be getting back?”

    “It depends on how long it took today. Both him and his mother are going to testify, and I don't know how long it will take. I'm just so worried for Karl now. You know that his mother's lawyer is his ex, right?”

    He remembered Stephen saying that when they'd met up shortly before the hearing began. “You did say that, yes.”

    Stephen began to pace back and forth, not looking at him. “That's... not the only problem here. I used to know him at one point as well.” Each word came out slowly, as if it were painful to say them.

    He felt like he'd been slapped in the face. “He was a connection of yours?” The word Stephen had always used to refer to his clients never sat well with Wong, but calling them anything else would have caused his friend more pain.

    “A regular.” He swallowed. “He was one of the not-so-good ones.”

    What a good one had been like wasn't clear, but he asked “Are you afraid he's going to hurt Karl in some way?”

    “He already did. Showed him a bunch of pictures he took of me. But he never did any of the stuff he did with me to Karl. And that's not all. Do you know the reason that they ended up breaking up? It was because my connection had gotten an STD, and guess who gave it to him?” The pain in Stephen's voice was so raw that Wong could feel himself starting to cry.

    “But you can't hold yourself responsible for that, Stephen. Do you really think Karl would be better off with someone like that?”

    “Maybe if I hadn't ruined things they would have broken up for some other reason. And then he wouldn't have gone and taken his mother's case, and they wouldn't be in this boat now. It comes down to what I did in the end.”

    “And what could you have done differently? Not accepted work from him? Then how would you and Donny have gotten by?”

    “I could have given up Don. You know that. I was lucky because I didn't get Karl sick, but what if I had? What with all the times I got sick before, I must have made a lot of other people get sick as well. Not just my connections, but the people they might have been seeing. What if something awful happened to them, and it's all because of me?” His words came out more and more rapidly, and Stephen was breathing so fast Wong was afraid he would pass out.

    “But you weren't the one who would have chosen to cheat on them. The people who saw you did. And they should have known the risk of being exposed to something if they didn't use some kind of protection. It's on them, not you.”

    Stephen shrugged, and Wong doubted he'd been able to really get through to him. He resumed his pacing, and that was where they were now.

    The sound of a key turning in the lock caused both men to turn their heads, and with that Karl entered the room. “Wong! I didn't expect to see you. How are you?”

    “About as well as I normally am. Stephen called me to ask if I'd like to come over, and so I did. We've been talking for a while.” He didn't say the reason he'd been asked to come, feeling that Stephen should be the one to share that information.

    Stephen asked Karl “How was everything today?”

    He just shook his head. “I'm not sure. Kaecilius went too far when he was talking to me, and I think Judge Parker gave him a good tongue-lashing because of it. But I don't know if that's going to make the outcome of our case turn out any better.” He paused for a moment, seeming to weigh whether or not he wanted to say anything else. “Stephen, can I ask you a bit of a personal question?”

    “Is this something you might not want to say in front of Wong?”

    “Maybe. It's about the night you went to the hospital.” Karl looked uncomfortable bringing that up.

    Stephen didn't answer at first, and then said “What about it?”

    “I know you must have said something to them about what happened, or they wouldn't have given you those pamphlets. And I know you took a shower before going, but is there any chance they might have collected some evidence we could use against Kaecilius?”

    While Karl sounded so hopeful as he spoke, Stephen's answer sunk that look rapidly. “No. I changed my clothes before going there, and I wouldn't let them even try to collect any evidence that might have been left behind. So don't bother.”

    It wasn't a challenge to guess what had happened that night. Wong had always suspected that such things were a hazard of Stephen's work, and the night he'd come to his apartment barely able to speak mumbling something about the woods had made him almost certain. Stephen had never said anything to confirm he had been raped at any time, and Wong didn't press him for more than he was willing to give. He at least now knew the name of one of the people who had hurt him so badly, and hoped that maybe at some point in the future it could be of use.

    Karl's disappointment was clear to see. “Oh. It's just that today he seemed worried when I mentioned that, and it got me hoping there might be something there. Guess it was too good to be true.”

    “Did anything else happen today? I wish I could have been there for you.”

    “Well, it was interesting to listen to Mother speak. I don't think she really understood that it wasn't going to impress Judge Parker to go on about how Astrid needed to have her background respected. She always thinks that having a title is going to make everyone want to bow down before her and do whatever she wants them to.”

    At first Wong wasn't certain he'd heard correctly. He knew that Karl was far richer than almost everyone he knew, but the mention of a title made him wonder if he had the full story. “Her title? Is there something I don't know here?”

    Karl sighed, as if this was a topic he hoped to avoid. “Yes. My father was a baron, and my grandfather is a viscount. Technically I've inherited my father's title, but I have no plans of taking up anything related to it. I only told Stephen about this after we had our meeting to attempt to resolve the case. I never really felt like having a title meant all that much in the grand scheme of things, so I usually don't tell people that. Besides, how often does something like that come up in conversation? 'Hey Karl, I was wondering what kinds of titles your family might have?' When can you imagine that happening?”

    The mental image was so absurd that Wong started to laugh. “You're right. I guess I never really thought about what someone with a title would be like. You just get the idea that they'd be the kind of person who never interacts with normal people and have a whole staff to handle anything they don't want to do. And you couldn't be more different than that.”

    “That sounds a lot like Mother and Grandfather. I remember when I first went away to college that I was shocked when I ran out of clean clothes for the first time. Before I'd always had an endless supply of clothing that came out of nowhere. Having to learn all kinds of basic survival techniques when you're an adult isn't something I'd recommend for anyone.”

    The story added another layer to why he was fighting so hard to keep his daughter home. Karl obviously hadn't been equipped to deal with the real world once he entered it, and that had to have been an embarrassing thing. And unless his family had changed a great deal over the years, Astrid was going to have the same type of care if she was forced to leave. It was a small issue compared to the overall dismal picture Karl had painted of his childhood beforehand, but Wong could see how growing up in that way would cause harm. If for whatever reason Astrid did have to go and live with her grandmother, then she would either one day have a rude awakening like her father had, or would never leave the little bubble she inhabited. “I can see why.” It was a trite statement, but the only thing he could think to say.

    Stephen had sat silently throughout the whole exchange. But the last part seemed to strike a chord in him. “Everything that's good and kind in Astrid would be taken away from her if she had to leave. I couldn't bear to watch that happen. It's why I keep feeling that I should have left a while ago. Seeing her hurting and knowing I'm the cause of it breaks my heart.”

    From the look on Karl's face, this was a discussion they'd had many times before. “Please don't do anything too rashly, Stephen. We still don't know how things are going to turn out. I've seen how upset Judge Parker has been getting with Kaecilius, and that has to be a good sign for us. And Astrid hasn't had a chance to voice her own thoughts yet. She's going to ask to stay with us, so just hang on for a while longer.”

    This didn't appear to soothe him all that much. He placed his head in his hands and sat down on the couch, with Karl joining him. He placed his arm around Stephen and for a time they just sat together.

    Wong didn't know if he should leave now, feeling he was intruding on a personal moment. After a period of time Karl looked at him and asked “Would you like to stay for dinner?”

    “Love to. It's been a while since I've had the chance to have a meal with friends.” The last time he could remember was that time before Karl and Stephen had their date, and it might as well have been decades ago given how much had happened since then.

    Donny came bounding into the room with a look of surprise on his face. “Uncle Wong! I didn't know you were coming over. I'm glad to see you. What are you doing?”

    “Well, your daddy thought it had been too long since we last saw each other, so he asked if I'd like to come over. You were busy with Astrid, so I didn't want to disturb you. But I'm going to stay for dinner, so we can talk then. How does that sound?”

    “Good. I miss having dinner with you.” Back in the old days, the two of them ate together fairly regularly due to Stephen working. Donny had always enjoyed the time they spent with each other, but for Wong it had often been a time of great stress. He'd seen how bad Stephen could look after coming back, and there was always the fear that one time he might not come back at all.

    Astrid now came in, and said “Hi, Mr. Wong.” She was always somewhat reserved with him, because unlike Donny he didn't fit into her life so easily. When he'd babysat them, she'd asked a lot of questions about how he knew Stephen. At the time Wong knew that she had no idea of what Donny had meant when he talked about his daddy's friends, so that couldn't have been her reason for asking. He guessed that since Stephen had so few people in his life she wondered what made him different.

    “Hello, Astrid. I'm sorry you're going through such a tough time right now.”

    She looked away, as if that would make things any different. “I'm going to see the judge soon. Then I can tell him I need to stay here. I hope he listens to me.”

    Karl said “Remember, tomorrow we have to go talk to your guardian. She's going to speak to you and me first, as well as your grandmother. Then she will give a report to the judge, and after that you'll get a chance to talk to him.”

    “Is she going to talk to Stephen, too?”

    “No. I asked about that, but she said it wasn't necessary. She's getting all she needs to know about him from what his doctor wrote for the judge.”

    Stephen said “Ms. Tate thinks it's better if I'm not there for now. I'd like to come and help out, but my doctor doesn't think it's good for me. I don't always like that, but I'm going to do what they tell me.”

    Wong now knew the reason Stephen wasn't going to court had less to do with how he might feel upon hearing about his past actions and more to do with how he might feel when he saw his former customer. And who was to say that he wouldn't try to do something again? If Kaecilius had been willing to show Karl those compromising photos, then how much further might he go?

    Trying to keep those thoughts from showing on his face, Wong and the others all entered the kitchen so they could eat. Hopefully the conversation and food would be enough to keep their minds away from the prospect of what might come about.

* * *

 

    It was time for Astrid to meet with yet another person to talk about her daddy and Stephen. Daddy said that this time was going to be different because the lady she was talking to was supposed to be looking out for her and nobody else. She'd thought that since all this stuff was about her that they should have all been doing that in the first place, but grown-ups didn't always do the things you thought they might.

    It hadn't been the same as when she talked to Dr. Warren, and Astrid didn't know if she liked this other lady the same way. Ms. Martin wasn't as nice as she had been, but she did listen to everything she said and didn't interrupt her. So that was good.

    She came out of the room where they had met and walked over to where Daddy and Donny were sitting. Donny would have stayed home, but Stephen needed to go and see his doctor then, so nobody else could take care of him. He'd brought some toys with him, so she hoped he hadn't minded waiting too much.

    “Are you done with speaking to Ms. Martin?” Daddy sounded like he didn't want to be here either.

    “Yeah. She says she's going to talk to you next.”

    “Then I'll go in. You sit out here and wait with Donny, okay?”

    There was another person she could see, a man who was dressed up really nice. “Daddy, who's that?” Maybe he was the judge. If he was, she thought she might try and go talk with him about why she didn't want to leave home.

    Daddy didn't look very happy to see the man. “That's Mr. Sorenson, your grandmother's lawyer. Just sit here for now, alright? Don't go over and talk to him.”

    That wasn't hard, because if he was working for her grandmother Astrid didn't want to see him at all. Donny had looked up when they'd been talking, and as Daddy left she noticed that he looked really scared. “Donny, what's wrong?”

    “That man there.” His voice was shaking a bit. “That's the suit guy.”

 


	49. Astrid's Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Astrid gets her chance to speak, and the judge ponders the case.

    The meeting with the guardian went fairly well in Karl's mind. Lauren Martin didn't seem to have the same ease with children that Dr. Warren possessed, but she did seem to be entirely focused on what would be best for Astrid. Many of her questions had been about what he either had done or would do in regards to her care, with a scattering of asking about Stephen's mental health. He felt that he had handled the questions as well as possible, but did wish Ms. Martin would have met with Stephen. A report was one thing, but meeting someone was another. Karl hoped she would be able to understand what type of man he truly was.

    Upon coming out, he had thought that both Donny and Astrid would be squirming in their seats. He had been in the office Ms. Martin was using for nearly forty-five minutes, and they likely would have exhausted the things they could do by the end. To his surprise, both children were sitting next to each other with expressions of fear on their faces. “What's wrong?” But he suspected that he knew the answer. Had Kaecilius come over to tell them something terrible about Stephen?

    Astrid spoke to him, her words rushing out. “Daddy, you need to call the police, now.”

    “Why? Did something happen while I was gone?” The idea of Kaecilius trying to do anything to them made his stomach turn.

    “Mr. Sorenson, he's the suit guy. He's done bad things and he needs to go to jail, now!” Astrid sound frantic, and her eyes kept darting around looking for him.

    “Astrid, calm down sweetheart. I need you to tell me a few things. What does it mean when you say he's the suit guy?”

    It was Donny who answered the question. “He used to know Daddy and I saw him sometimes. He always wore suits so I called him the suit guy. I know he hurt Daddy because when he came back he'd have bruises and stuff on him.”

    “And we couldn't do anything 'cause we didn't know who he was, but now we know, so the police can get him! He said hi to me, and I told him Donny told me about him. He's got a scary smile, and he said there are things I don't understand. But I know he shouldn't hurt people, and we need to stop him!”

    Karl only wished it were so easy. He hated having to crush the idea down, but giving them false hope wasn't going to do any good in the long run. “I know that you want to get the police right away, Astrid. But even if we do go and call them, they aren't going to be able to do anything.” He gestured to them and said “Let's talk some more in the car.”

    Both had the look of hope on their faces taken away as soon as they heard the bad news. When they were seated again, Astrid asked him “Why can't the police do anything? What's wrong?”

    This was going to be yet another difficult topic to talk about, and Karl had to shake his head at all the things he'd needed to say over the last few months. “It's not easy. In order for the police to arrest Mr. Sorenson, they have to have some kind of proof he's done something wrong. And we don't have that.”

    Donny said “But I know he did stuff that hurt Daddy. I saw how he looked after. Can't I tell them that?”

    “You just saying something isn't going to be enough, Don. If you didn't actually see anything happen between the two of them, then it's not enough for the police to arrest him. They would need you to have seen him getting hurt, and you didn't see that.”

    He responded with “But Daddy was there. He could go and tell them! Then they could get him, right?”

    Karl spoke carefully. “Yes, he could. I don't think he's going to, though.”

    “Why not?” Astrid sounded confused.

    “There are a couple of reasons I don't think Stephen's going to tell anybody. One of them is how he met Mr. Sorenson. The kind of work he was doing is against the law also. I don't think that the police would care as much about that once they knew what happened to him, but Stephen feels that way.” He wasn't too sure himself about how the authorities might feel, but the children needed a little more positivity. “And also there's the problem of having to go and tell people what happened. Talking about those things makes him feel bad, and he still feels like people are going to say what happened was his fault.”

    “But why would Daddy think it's his fault? Nobody wants someone to hurt them.”

    “Daddy, you said once that people who hurt people make the person they hurt think it's their fault, didn't you? So maybe that's why.”

    Surprised Astrid still recalled what had been said, he answered “That's right. One of the things that happened was that people told your daddy what was happening to him was his fault and not theirs. And it happened so many times he thought they were telling the truth.”

    “But even if he thinks that, can't he just say what happened? And let the police decide if the suit guy should go to jail?” Donny thought this would be a good solution to the problem.

    If only it were that easy. “No, because it's not the police who decide if someone goes to jail for a while. You have to go to court like I am now, and a judge and jury decide what happens next. If the jury doesn't think there's enough to send him to jail, they won't do it. And even if your daddy did talk to the police, he would have an even harder time talking to a jury.”

    “Why?”

    “Because he'd have to answer a whole lot of questions about the things that happened to him, so they would know if he was telling the truth. Mr. Sorenson would have a lawyer of his own who would be saying he didn't do anything bad, and he would ask Stephen a lot of questions about that. And if he didn't answer the questions good enough, the jury would probably decide that he wasn't telling the truth. That would hurt him too.”

    Donny added an additional thought. “But why would they think Daddy was lying? I'd believe somebody who said they got hurt.”

     “Sometimes people do tell stories about things. It can be because they really think it happened to them or they think that they can get something by lying. And if you're on a jury, you have to be really sure that the person on trial did what they say they did. If we just put people in jail because somebody said something then that wouldn't be any good.” The whole complexity of the criminal justice system was hard to distill down to the basics, but Karl thought he did a reasonably good job here.

    “But why would they think Daddy's not telling the truth? He's not like that.”

    A sigh. “Donny, a lot of people think that someone who does the kind of work Stephen did is a bad person. That would lead them to believe he's the kind of person who makes things like that up. Mr. Sorenson is very well-liked by a lot of people, and they think he's a good person. That's going to make it harder to believe he could hurt people like he did.”

    Astrid was thinking about something else. “Daddy? Is Stephen the only person Mr. Sorenson has hurt?”

    “I don't know of anybody else. Why do you think that?”

    “Because if he's mean he's going to be mean a lot of the time. So maybe other people know how mean he is and can tell people.”

    Donny added “I bet Daddy really hates him. I'd hate anybody who hurt me.”

    How could he explain the way Stephen felt? “I'm not sure he feels like that, Donny. Mr. Sorenson's done things that hurt him, but some of those things are a little confusing, because they hurt you but they also can feel good. That makes it harder for him, because he thinks sometimes that because that stuff felt nice it meant he wanted those things to happen even though he really didn't.”

    This wasn't something either one could comprehend. “But getting hurt can't feel good, right? How could it?”

    “Most of the time if somebody hurts you it doesn't feel very nice. But do you remember the time we talked about the places on your body that are private, where adults shouldn't try to touch you?” After the whole incident with his mother, Karl had realized that he had forgotten to teach Astrid some very important things about her body and what people could do to it. He'd quickly gone and given an update to the basic sex ed she'd already had, and was glad to learn Donny had already been taught that by Stephen. “When someone touches you there, a lot of the time it feels really nice, even if you don't want them to do it. That's confusing for someone, because they feel like if they're feeling good it must mean they like what's happening. And people who do those things know that.”

    Neither one said anything for a while. They drove along to Dr. Drumm's office in silence. Donny was the one who first spoke, asking “Karl, does Mr. Sorenson feel bad about what he did to Daddy?”

    Wishing with all his heart that the answer could be something different, he said “I don't think so. I think that he only thinks about what makes him feel good, and not how other people might feel.”

    “Why not?”

    “There's a lot of reasons. Most of the time people who hurt other people have also been hurt, and they think you can either hurt people or be hurt. A few of them might not realize what they are doing hurts anyone, but not many of them. Sometimes they might have other problems in their heads that make things like that easier. But I don't know for certain what the answer is here.”

    And as they waited for Stephen, Karl felt sadness at having to take away a piece of their innocence before it was time. Knowing that the adults around you who's job it is to protect people can't always do so isn't a thing anyone wants to know, and he hoped that in time Astrid and Donny could understand why this might be so.

* * *

 

    If Astrid had her way during this whole thing, she would have gotten to talk to the judge right away, before anybody else could say anything. Then he could decide she needed to stay home real fast. But she didn't get a chance to say anything until now when she was going to see Judge Parker. If she grew up and became a judge she would have kids talk to her before anybody else did, just so everything could get done faster.

    Both Daddy and Ms. Tate had told her that she needed to be honest when she was asked questions and to be polite. That wasn't hard to do, since she didn't want to lie. If she did, then she'd get sent away and that wasn't good at all.

    Judge Parker was close to Bunic ă 's age than to Daddy or Stephen. He smiled at her when she came into his room, and it was a nicer smile than the one Mr. Sorenson had. Astrid hoped that she never had to see him again. She'd asked if he might go to their home, but Daddy said he wouldn't dare try it.

    “Hello, Astrid. I'm glad to meet you. I'm Judge Parker. Do you know why I need to talk to you?”

    “Yeah. Daddy and Ms. Tate said you need to talk to me so I can help you know where it's best for me to live. They said I have to be honest, since you can't lie to a judge.”

    “That's right. It's very important to be honest with me. Otherwise I can't do what's best for you.” He looked right at her. “You're in first grade now, aren't you?”

    “Yeah. Ms. Minoru's my teacher. She's nice. Julie's my best friend. She wants me to come over again, but I haven't wanted to for a while.”

    “Why haven't you wanted to see your friend?”

    She looked at her hands. “I don't know if I'll still get to be her friend for very long. So I don't go.”

    He nodded. “I see. Do you think about leaving a lot?”

    “Yup. Sometimes I get worried my grandmother will come and try to see me again. I've only met her once. I didn't like her.”

    “Why was that?”

    She thought he might have known some of what she was going to say, since he didn't sound like he was confused. “She said mean things about Stephen. I didn't like that. I don't know why that stuff made her angry. It just made me sad.”

    “Did your grandmother tell you about the things he used to do?”

    “She used words I didn't know, but Daddy said they were about what he was doing for work. He said that people hurt Stephen a lot. That's why he has to go see his doctor and take medicine.”

    Judge Parker had a very serious look on his face. “Has anyone talked to you about why you are here?”

    “Lots of people. Daddy and Ms. Tate and Dr. Warren. Everybody says that my grandmother doesn't want me to be around Stephen because of the stuff he used to do and 'cause he's sick. But I don't know why those are bad things. Stephen's always nice to me, even after I tagged him. I didn't know that was going to be bad. I thought he might want to play with me and Donny.”

    Now Judge Parker did look surprised. “What do you mean when you say you tagged him? What happened then?”

    She'd told Dr. Warren a little bit about what had happened that day, but this was the first time she'd talked to anybody else about it. “Donny and me were playing tag, and Stephen was reading, but I thought it might be fun if he played with us. But when I touched his back he got all funny and didn't say anything when we talked to him. Daddy and him said it was because when I tagged him it made him think about something bad that happened to him.”

    “Has Stephen had things like that happen often?”

    “Just that one time, I think.” She hoped she hadn't said anything wrong by talking about it.

    He looked very serious when he asked her the next bit. “Astrid, can you tell me what Stephen is like?”

    “He's nice. He talks to me about school and sometimes he plays with Donny and me. He makes Daddy smile a lot. Stephen gets sad sometimes, and it makes me feel sad too.”

    “Do you ever feel scared around him?”

    “No, he's not scary.” Astrid had felt a bit scared when he'd gotten all funny that time, but she didn't think that counted as being scared of him.

    “Are you scared of your grandmother?”

    That wasn't an easy question. She did feel a bit scared when thinking about her and what might happen if she got sent away, but didn't know if it was her grandmother she was scared of. “I don't think so. But I want to tell her that she should say she's sorry for having said those mean things about Stephen.”

    “What exactly did she say about him?”

    “She said he was a whore and a slut. I didn't know what those were until Daddy told me. It makes me sad because Stephen didn't really want to do the stuff he did but if he didn't then he and Donny wouldn't get to eat or anything.”

    He scratched his chin a bit, and said “How do you know that he didn't want to do the things he was doing?”

    She wasn't really sure how she knew that. It was just a thing she could tell. “I guess that if he liked those things he wouldn't feel bad about them now. And if people hurt him then he wouldn't like doing it anymore.”

    Judge Parker nodded. She wondered if he was doing that because he agreed with her or if he was just thinking. “Can you tell me something that you like about your father?”

    “There's a lot of things. But I like it when he plays with me.”

    “Do you think he does a good job taking care of you even with Stephen around?”

    The question seemed silly. Why would having Stephen around make a difference in what Daddy did? “Yeah, because he doesn't really do anything different. Maybe he's got to help with Donny too, but Stephen does the same things for me that Daddy does.”

    “You said he talks to you and plays with you sometimes. What else does Stephen do for you?”

    “He makes dinner and lunch for us sometimes. He goes with me to school everyday, and comes to get me. He tells me when I have to go to bed and if I can get dessert with dinner or not. Daddy used to be the only person who did that.”

    “Do you think Stephen's kind of like your father now?”

    She shook her head. “Stephen's Stephen. I have a daddy already. But I like him doing what he does. I think if Daddy married him he'd be a daddy to me, kind of.” Astrid had asked once if Daddy was going to get married. He said not now, but didn't say why. Maybe he didn't know either.

    The next question was a little bit different. “What about Donny? What's it like having him around?”

    “It's nice to have someone who can play with you all the time. But I don't always want to do what he does. So it's not as fun as I thought it might be.” She'd had the idea that if Donny lived with them it would be like having your best friend with you all the time. But Donny sometimes wanted to be alone, and some of his ideas for things to do weren't the kind of thing Astrid liked. She still was glad to have Donny around, but it wasn't as easy as she first thought it was.

    “Alright. Let me ask you something else. You've only met your grandmother once. Do you think you might like her more if you got to see her more often?”

    “No. I was scared to see her at first since she wanted to take me away from Daddy. And I got worse when she said those things about Stephen. Grandmother didn't like the way I was dressed, and she didn't care that I got upset. She didn't say anything nice about Daddy either.” Since she was Daddy's mother, Astrid had thought she would like him, but Grandmother didn't act like she did. Maybe that was why Daddy hadn't let her visit before.

    “Has your father ever talked about your grandmother to you?”

    “He told me that she wanted me to come live with her and about the words she called Stephen. But that's it. I asked about her when I heard other kids talking about their grandparents, but Daddy said he didn't talk to her anymore.”

    He just stopped for a moment. Astrid wondered if he was done yet. “Is there anything else you'd like to say to me now?”

    There was only one thing, and she knew she had to say it. “I love my daddy. Please don't take me from him.” She knew she was crying a bit as she said it.

    Judge Parker looked like he might be about to cry himself. “Thank you Astrid. You've been very helpful.”

    She wished he would say if she could stay or not, but instead he got up and led her out. Daddy was sitting and waiting for her, and he gave her a big smile when he saw her. Astrid went over and hugged him, hoping the judge would see and understand why she shouldn't go.

* * *

 

    When one is working as a judge, it is nearly impossible to avoid bringing one's work home with you. Considering the outcome of a case is not something that only is done while a court is in session. To get the best outcome, a great deal of time must be spent reviewing the facts of the case. In family court, the time spent is even more important because there is no jury to render the decision. It must come down to the judge alone.

    In all of his years as a judge, Edmond Parker had taken many cases home at night still feeling uncertain of what the outcome should be. The Mordo case was no exception. The only times he ever would go home confident that he knew what to do were cases where it was obvious a change needed to be made for the children's well-being or ones where it was clear the matter should never have gotten as far as it did. So tonight he was going to go over the report given to him by Ms. Martin after he had finished with his dinner. He felt he made his best decisions if he reviewed everything after having a chance to relax.

    As per usual, Ray was waiting by the door to greet him. Ray Brantley had been a constant in his life for nearly forty years, since they had met at a meeting for lawyers. They had been together through the years when they could only present themselves as being roommates, to being able to acknowledge their relationship publicly, to the day when all of their friends and family turned out to witness them take their vows at long last. “Rough day?” was the first thing out of his mouth.

    “The case I'm hearing has a lot to go over. I don't know how long it will take me to decide. Some days I think you had the right idea by not pursuing the judiciary.” Edmond had been in family law while Ray was in probate law, but when he'd gotten the chance to accept a place in the judiciary he'd jumped at the chance. Ray instead had gone on practicing until he'd retired three years ago.

    He just made a sound of understanding, but didn't ask for any details. Both men respected how important it was to keep specific details of their work confidential, and it wasn't until after a case was concluded that Ray or Edmond would talk about it with the other.

    Dinner was the usual affair, with the comfortable chatter of a long-married couple. (They'd thought of themselves as being married for decades before it was actually made official, and sometimes found it fun to tell people they had been married for over thirty years and watch them rack their brains trying to figure out how this could be.) As soon as he was done eating, Edmond put his plate away and settled down to read the report given by the guardian.

    The first part, that concerning Karl Mordo, was pretty much what he had expected to see. Ms. Martin described him as showing an appropriate level of concern for Astrid, and that he appeared to be a competent parent who had a very close relationship with his daughter. She had not gone and spoken to Stephen Strange, but had reviewed the report Dr. Drumm had submitted for the court outlining why he would be harmed by coming into court.

    In regards to Dr. Strange, Ms. Martin had expressed some concern. She felt that his mental health wasn't something to be taken lightly, and was uncertain of whether or not he and Mr. Mordo were going to be able to form a lasting relationship. She doubted that he was going to pose any sort of physical danger to Astrid, but felt that there was still a strong chance Dr. Strange might experience further downturns in his mental state. And that would have a negative impact on her.

    But if one thought that the choice would be made easy via that information, they would be sadly mistaken. While Laura Martin had expressed concerns about Dr. Strange, her reaction to Sara Krowler was entirely negative. “During the course of our talk, Ms. Krowler expressed no major concern for how this case might be affecting her granddaughter, instead opting to speak of all the things they could do together once Astrid came to live with her. Even when I mentioned how Astrid had acted during our time together, she still felt any blame fell on Dr. Strange for getting involved in her son's life.” This was a very striking condemnation, as Ms. Martin normally chose to be as neutral as possible when submitting a report.

    In addition, Ms. Krowler did not seem to be worried about the adjustments that Astrid would have to make if she were to move so far away. The loss of her friends, having to get used to a new place, learning another language – none of that seemed to bother her. This showed a strong level of self-absorption, and bode ill for how she might treat her granddaughter in the future. In contrast, Mr. Mordo had showed that these issues bothered him, and that he hoped to avoid causing more strain in his daughter's life than what she had already been through.

    The summary in the report was simple. “A change in custody does not appear to be advised at this point in time, in spite of the issues related to the mental health of Dr. Strange.”

    Edmond had always respected the opinion of Ms. Martin when she needed to be consulted to advocate for a child. Her words made the matter seem simpler than he felt it was: make no changes and leave things as they are.

    Even with that, however, he had doubts. Throughout the course of the hearing, he had heard enough to make him believe that Dr. Strange was a seriously ill man, and that wasn't something to be taken lightly. If he did decide to leave Astrid in her home, and something ended up happening, then Edmond knew he would feel the guilt forever.

    Another problem was his feelings towards Mr. Sorenson. He made no bones about it – he hated the man. His style of practicing law was one that drove him crazy. Cases should be handled within the bounds of the courtroom, not in the eyes of the public. But for Kaecilius Sorenson, everything was public. He always had a way of making his case sound like his client was facing the greatest injustice known to man, and the only just outcome would be to give them whatever it was they wanted. This strategy had a habit of working when the public could rally themselves around his case, and Edmond had seen this happen before. He did wonder why this time there was no effort being made to get media involvement. Perhaps he had enough sense to realize that by doing so Edmond would be far more inclined to rule against him, as had happened in the past when a case of his became a media circus. In addition, he'd sworn he'd heard Mr. Sorenson calling Dr. Strange an it at certain points in the hearing. Whether this was just due to a feeling of disgust for sex workers or if he just was trying to rattle his opponents wasn't clear.

    So it was important to try and keep his personal feelings out of this. Just because he found Mr. Sorenson to be a person he wouldn't like didn't mean he could dismiss his case out of hand. He decided to go over the reports submitted by the experts in this case to get more insight.

    He started with the reports that related directly to Astrid, since she was the center of the whole case. Prior to her arrival in court, he hadn't known very much about Dr. Kendrick, but her testimony hadn't been that compelling. It wasn't so much what she was saying, but rather the fact that she had not met with the child nor had made any serious effort to do so. The rationale for her decision – that Astrid was likely to have been coached by her father to say what he wanted her to say – didn't hold up too well in his mind. Edmond knew that if a child had been coached, then it was important to speak with them and see what they said. A parent who was doing that was not acting in the best interests of their child, and it needed to be observed. It wasn't all that professional to make such a declaration without having direct contact with the person you were making such a claim about. Dr. Kendrick did sound a lot more convincing in her report, but he couldn't overlook the error in judgement she displayed.

    Dr. Warren was someone he was more familiar with, since she often testified in court. Her writings were held in high regard by most of the judges he knew, so he had read through them on multiple occasions. He'd expected her to focus mainly on how Astrid was faring in her current life, and on how she felt about any changes that might come about. And that was almost exactly what the report said. There was one flaw he could see: that she had not spoken with Dr. Strange or made an effort to witness him interacting with Astrid. It felt like the issue of how Dr. Strange might affect her was brushed over in favor of talking about how Mr. Mordo had done in raising his daughter. That was an important issue, but not going and looking into what was equally important made him feel uncomfortable taking her word as gospel.

    Sitting with his head in his hands, Edmond thought about when Astrid had spoken to him earlier that day. Like almost all children did, she did not want to leave her father. Even children who had been subjected to almost unimaginable mistreatment normally would plead with people to not take them from their families. Her words about how she did not want to spend more time with her grandmother rang true, and sounded like the thoughts a child might have, instead of an adult's words being parroted back. Astrid had made it clear that the specter of having to leave her home weighed quite heavily on her, and it made him feel sorry that she was in this situation. While he might be out of a job if people were able to learn to work out their problems by themselves, it wasn't the worst thing that could happen.

    Astrid had also made remarks indicating that she had been a witness to one of Dr. Strange's episodes of PTSD, and it had been an ordinary thing that triggered it. It was one of the major reasons he felt that the seriousness of his condition had to be emphasized. She had seemed to be at ease with what had happened, but how good was it that she had seen it at all? More than his past employment, this was the meat of the matter to Edmond. Despite the sex work being what had made Ms. Krowler choose to take legal action, he doubted it was going to create any issues so long as it was kept away from the children. But you couldn't avoid dealing with mental illness if you were living with the person who was sick.

    Ray walked into the room, and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Tough case?”

    “Yes. Each time I think I know what I should be doing, I go over something else that makes me reconsider what I think is right. With what's at stake, I know I have to get this right.”

    “Or else what? Do you honestly feel this is a life-or-death situation?”

    Hearing the issue put into perspective like that seemed to help Edmond to focus. “No, not in this case. It's more about the overall well-being here. In one outcome there's the potential for harm, and in the other I know there will be some harm done. But how big are the chances, and how large is the harm? Those aren't easy to answer.”

    There was a moment of silence, as Ray pondered the issue himself. “I think that for the most part you can trust your judgement, no matter which way you go. But I'll add in one thing for you to think about: how do you think each party is going to react to you ruling in their favor?”

    That wasn't a way of looking at the matter he'd considered. “I think you've given me the key. Thanks, Ray.”

    He left, and Edmond began to plan out his decision. It was fairly clear now what he should do, and he only hoped those he ruled against wouldn't pose too much trouble when they heard the decision.

 


	50. Decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Judge Parker renders his decision.

    As soon as Karl got the news that Judge Parker had made a decision on the case he raced over to the courtroom. Stephen had once again said he should join him there, but even if there wasn't the issue with Kaecilius he would have told him to stay behind. If the decision went against them, he wanted to have enough time to prepare how to break the news to him. Stephen would undoubtedly take it badly, and Karl needed to have a plan to keep him safe in that case.

    Lily was waiting for him, and he asked her “Isn't this a bit fast? Shouldn't Judge Parker have gone over things for longer?”

    “It's shorter than I thought he might take, but not unexpected. Remember that he had time to go over everything while waiting for Ms. Martin to give her report. Also, there's really only two things he must consider, so that cuts down the time even more.” She sounded so confident that Karl felt hopeful for what was to come.

    By this time those two issues were ones he knew by heart: was Astrid being placed at risk in any way by Stephen's presence, and whether or not if such a threat existed if it was enough to justify her removal from the home. And try as he might to convince himself that there was no chance of that happening, he knew that it wasn't true.

    His mother and Kaecilius were already sitting in their seats as they waited for the judge to arrive. Neither one looked in his direction, which kept the nerves from being too much to handle. Lily mouthed to him “It will be okay,” before Judge Parker walked in.

    Before starting to speak, he looked at each party in the courtroom for a moment. The first words gave no indication of what his decision would be. “When it comes to the welfare of children, I feel that no decision as to their care can be made lightly. Even when it is clear that there is a very strong risk of harm if the child remains where they are, it still should not be done in haste. I am glad to say that in this case the issue is not so clear-cut, and therefore even more care is required.”

    Karl could feel his stomach turning. He could almost hear the words he dreaded being spoken.

    The look on Judge Parker's face was carefully neutral as he continued. “From the start of this case, there have been two questions posed to me. First of all, is Astrid Mordo being placed at risk by her living with Stephen Strange? In order to properly answer this question, I believe it is best to look over the evidence presented here. Both sides have been somewhat in agreement on the issue of Dr. Strange's mental health. From what I have seen, there is a clear amount of evidence that he is a man dealing with serious psychological problems. That alone may not be enough to give me pause, but I must think of how a child is going to be impacted by those issues. Children are going to notice when someone is experiencing problems, even if they don't know what they are or the reasons for them. When I spoke with Astrid she clearly was able to grasp that Dr. Strange was a sick man, and she spoke of an incident in which she inadvertently caused some trouble for him. The incident in question did not result in any real harm befalling her, but there is no way to know if this will remain true in the future. So while the issue of harm raised first focused on Dr. Strange's history of sex work, I do not find that to pose much of an issue here. No one has offered any proof that the people from his old life are going to come and intrude on the life he currently has, which is the only way I could see that as a problem.”

    He was wrong on that one, because one of those people was sitting right in front of him. Karl was feeling worse as he listened to the judge. If he really thought Stephen was a threat, then there was almost no chance of him ruling in their favor.

    “Therefore, I must say now that I do feel there is somewhat of a risk of harm posed to Astrid in the current situation.”

    Karl's heart sank. It was over. He glanced at Kaecilius to see him smiling and and talking to Sara. He tried to think of what he might say to Stephen.

    “Yet even with that in mind, there is a greater consideration. In virtually no case I have heard in my time as a judge has a child expressed a desire to leave their parents, even when they have shown no reason for them to want to stay. And while there are issues posed by Astrid remaining in her home, there are also problems in granting the petitioner the request they have asked for. If that was the outcome, she would have to uproot herself many miles away from what she is familiar with, and without the support she has had from her father throughout her life.”

    Karl blinked. Could Judge Parker be saying what he thought he might be?

    “What I have also noticed is that at no time has Ms. Krowler fully addressed the issue of how to allow Mr. Mordo to spend time with his daughter. Only under the most dire of circumstances should a child have no contact whatsoever with a parent, and her lack of concern about the issue troubles me. Furthermore, her own testimony seems to reflect on how she believes a proper upbringing for her granddaughter should go, rather than how she will respond to the changes in her life.”

    By now Karl was listening intently, hoping he would be hearing the words he so wanted.

    “And there is the report from Ms. Martin, Astrid's guardian ad litem. She has said that she feels Ms. Krowler is very self-absorbed and does not properly empathize with her situation right now. That is one of the factors I find to be most important in determining the outcome of this case.”

    The confidence Sara had shown earlier was now gone from her face. She appeared to be in shock, as if what was being said was inconceivable to her. Kaecilius looked to be growing more and more angry with each word that was spoken.

    Either not noticing their reactions or not caring what they thought, Judge Parker rendered his decision with a sentence. “In spite of the concerns I feel exist, I cannot rule in favor of the petitioner at this time due to the harm of the move outweighing the potential risk of leaving things as they are.”

    No one reacted for a minute or two, letting the words sink in. Sara was the first to break the silence, saying “I can't believe it. I can't believe it!” She shook her head and looked over at Karl and Lily. “You...” she said, but held back from saying any more than that.

 _Sorry Mother, but you can't win this time._ He made an effort to keep the sheer joy he felt off his face for now, trying to be as professional as possible. Lily also betrayed no real emotions and merely went about gathering her things.

    Kaecilius didn't appear to care for being a professional. His face was lined with pure hate, and Karl wondered if that was the face he had shown Stephen for so long. He walked over to where they were sitting and stated “I hope you're happy now. When your daughter falls apart due to being around the whore you'll only have yourself to blame. Be sure to give it a good hard fuck tonight in celebration.”

    Having known those cruel words would be said, Karl didn't feel as angry as he had in the past. “One day, someone will speak out. And that's the day I hope Stephen will get justice.” Kaecilius stormed off, not having a thing to say anymore. He asked Lily “What are the chances of him finally seeing a day in court?”

    “If he slips up and does something to someone who's willing to face him down then I'd say they're pretty good. If he keeps on choosing people like Stephen then the chances aren't very good. Kaecilius is a smart man. He knows how to choose targets that can't fight back.” She sounded disappointed that the answer wasn't the one she wanted to give.

    Karl had known on some level that this was the truth. It wasn't what he wanted to hear, but everything he knew about Stephen told him that the stress of a trial wasn't something he could handle now. Perhaps there would be a point in the future when he could withstand it, but now was not that time. Looking at Lily, all he could say was “Thank you.”

    “It was an honor.” She looked him in the eye and said, “I'd like to tell you something a bit personal.” She stopped and said “Stephen reminds me a bit of one of my aunts. They've both been through a lot, and I know that my aunt's life isn't what I would have wanted for her. She's not married, doesn't think she ever will, and keeps to herself most of the time. She's reasonably well-known as a writer, but uses a pen name so no one who meets her would know that. But when she's with our family she shines and is warm and caring.”

    Karl wondered what the point of telling him this was. “And...”

    She gave him a big smile. “Just that sometimes we need to adjust our expectations for what a good outcome is. I don't know how much Stephen is ever going to be like he was before, or what he might be, but if you love him that's not really going to matter. Goodbye, Karl. I hope you have a good life.”

    It was a true farewell, because he hoped he would never have to use her services again. “Goodbye, Lily. I wish you well in everything you do.”

    He hoped that Kaecilius wouldn't be waiting for him, but there was no sign of the man. So Karl pulled out his phone and called Stephen.

 

* * *

 

    The whole morning, Stephen had been restless and anxious. He knew that there was little chance of Karl winning his case due to his numerous flaws, and could only cling to the hope that if he were to take his connection's offer that things might turn out better.

    When the phone rang, he was afraid to pick it up. Phone calls were always something that he dreaded, mainly due to so long the only calls he got were from connections. Knowing it was Karl didn't make things any better, especially with the news he was likely to be getting. Deciding it would be better to get things over with, he answered “Hello?”

    “Stephen, it's good to speak to you.” He sounded so happy that a glimmer of hope grew within him. “Judge Parker has ruled in our favor. Astrid's staying here.”

    Stephen tried to respond, but he was too choked up. He hadn't hurt Karl in the worst way? Even with knowing he had done terrible things, the judge still didn't think he was a danger? Maybe he just hadn't heard enough about what he was like. When he was finally able to speak, he could only come out with “That's wonderful.” His voice made it clear that he was on the brink of crying once again.

    “I'll be home very soon. When I get there I'll go and tell everyone the results.”

    Stephen told him he would be looking forward to it, and sat waiting until Karl came through the door. The sight of his boyfriend was enough to bring the tears on full force, and he rushed over to wrap Stephen in his arms. Leaning into Karl, he said “I thought you would lose her. You were going to lose her, and it would be all my fault.”

    He shook his head. “It never would have been your fault. My mother would have tried something like this to get Astrid at some point no matter what. I have no doubt that someday she might try a different tactic, but for now we're safe. Everything is going to be okay.”

    “Not everything. I still...”

    “No, your problems haven't just vanished because we won. But it doesn't matter to me right now. All that matters is that we go and face them together.”

    It all sounded so simple, and Stephen wished he could feel the same. So many times Karl had demonstrated how much of a better man he was, and it always reminded him what he was. “I don't know what I did to deserve someone as good as you are.”

    “You do know I ask myself the same question. I hope that one day you'll be able to realize that.” He kept rubbing circles on his back as they stood together.

    Stephen knew that it wasn't true, that he was still getting too much good in his life now. But he knew better than to ruin such a good moment. If Karl wanted to believe in his goodness, then he would allow him to keep his illusions. He asked “Is there anything you think we should do to celebrate?”

    “I'll leave that up to Astrid. Oh, and there's one other thing I'd like to speak to you about.”

    He hoped it wasn't what he was afraid of him asking. If Karl were to say those four words, Stephen knew his answer would have to be no. He couldn't accept such a thing, even if a part of him wanted it more than anything. Unless he could be a proper partner to Karl, there was no way he could be his spouse. “That's fine,” he said while trying to keep his voice neutral.

    “I know we were talking about going on vacation earlier, and I was wondering if you'd mind me bringing Soacră with us? She hasn't had the chance to go many places, and it would be nice for the two of you to meet.” Karl released his grasp on Stephen, and gave him a smile.

    This wasn't what he'd thought he'd hear, but it said something that Karl wanted him to meet Astrid's other grandmother. It was as close to meeting the parents that he could get. “I think that would be fine. I hope that the language issue doesn't cause too much trouble for us.” Stephen didn't speak either Romanian or Hungarian, which were the only languages Lilia M. knew. He guessed that either Karl or Astrid could help with translation, but that would make conversation awkward.

    “I'm sure that we can work something out so that one of us doesn't have to be around you constantly. Besides, I bet I can teach you some phrases before we leave.”

    “Where do you want to go?”

    “I was thinking Florida. Astrid's never been to Disney, and I know that would be something she and Donny would like. Unless you had a different idea?”

    When he'd been able to take vacations anywhere he liked, Stephen had never bothered to do so feeling it was a waste of his time. And after that the idea of going anywhere except if a connection took him a bit out of the way seem impossible. “It sounds fine. Donny's really never been anywhere but New Jersey once, and I'm not sure that qualifies as a real getaway. He's going to be so happy to get to go someplace like the other kids.” Donny had mentioned during the Christmas break how other students were going places, whether as a vacation or to see family. It was another thing that made him feel guilty.

    “Then I'm going to go and make plans for right when school gets out. We'll spend about two weeks or so there. That should be enough time to do everything we want.” Karl was so enthusiastic about the trip that Stephen couldn't help but give him a little smile.

    “It should be fun for the kids.”

    He gave Stephen a knowing look and said “And us too.” With those words, Karl headed for his office.

 

* * *

 

    As they waited for Astrid and Donny, Karl suspected that as soon as his daughter saw him she would know the outcome of the case. It was hard for him to conceal his joy, and when he saw Astrid and Donny he couldn't wait to break the news.

    She looked at him and asked “Did the judge decide today?” He had told her that it might take a while for a decision to be made, so she shouldn't expect to hear anything for a little while. But given her age it wasn't a surprise that she was asking now.

    “He did.” And Karl gave her the biggest smile he'd ever had. “And you're staying with us.”

    Astrid's mouth flew open, and she started to jump up and down. “I can _stay!_ Donny, I'm staying!” She bounced around in clear delight, hugging both Karl and Donny. When it came to Stephen, she paused for a second. “Is it okay?”

    He nodded. “It's fine, Astrid.”

    With those words, she wrapped him in a hug as well. “I'm so happy I'm staying. Now you get to stay, too!”

    Stephen put one of his hands over his mouth, and he began to cry as Astrid continued her embrace.

    She let go, and asked “Daddy, did I make Stephen sad?”

    “No, hon. He's just happy for you.”

    Stephen added “Sometimes when we're really happy we end up crying a bit. I'm glad I'm with you too.”

    Julie walked over, and said “Astrid, are you staying here?”

    “Yup! So we don't need to do our plan!”

    Karl had to ask “What plan might that be?”

    With all seriousness, Julie said “We were going to send her to China to be with my family there. Then she wouldn't have to go live with her grandmother.” It was the kind of plan two children could be expected to make, and Karl tried to keep the mirth off his expression.

    “Well, now that we've gotten the good news, let's do something. Astrid, is there anything you'd like to do tonight?”

    “Let's have pizza! And can Julie and Diego come with us?”

    Stephen said “We'll have to talk to their parents and see if they'll let them go. It's a school night, remember?”

    It may not have been the yes she wanted, but Astrid still seemed to be overwhelmed with joy. “I'm staying! Nobody's going to take me away!”

    Donny said “The judge must be a smart guy to know that Astrid needs to be here with us. Why didn't he decide before?”

    “He needed to listen to a lot of different people who could tell him about Astrid and how I've taken care of her. That takes time. And he couldn't go in to this thinking that she needed to stay with us, because judges can't have their minds made up before they hear everything.”

    Donny leaned into Karl and asked “How did the suit guy feel when the judge made up his mind?” His voice was quiet enough so Stephen couldn't hear what he said.

    “He wasn't happy. But he didn't do anything.” Karl hoped that Donny wasn't too worried about what Kaecilius might do next.

    “Do you think he might try and come to where we live?”

    “No. He won't ever go there. If he did, the police would get him and he doesn't want that.”

    Donny seemed content with that answer, although Karl suspected that he wondered why Kaecilius would care about the police getting him if he went to their home but didn't care about them getting him for hurting Stephen. But the joy of the moment was too much for him to take, and soon he was jumping around with Astrid, saying “She's staying!” as loud as was polite.

    Stephen watched them with the trace of a smile on his face. “She said she was glad I got to stay, too.”

    “Of course she did. Astrid would be heartbroken if you left us. How could she spend the time with you that she has and not feel that way?”

    He just shook his head and remained silent. Karl tried to look on this as being progress, since before he would have argued as to why no one should want to be around him. He doubted that Stephen felt differently, but he at least was no longer thinking he could get others to feel the same way.

    “Where are we going to have our pizza?” Donny clearly thought this was one of the most important things to ask.

    “There's a place that Astrid really likes. It's different than the pizza places you go to normally, because instead of just getting one kind of pizza you can have a whole bunch of different types, as many as you can eat. You need to be a bit careful you don't eat too much, but sometimes it's fun to eat as much as you want.” He knew that such an experience was going to be a new thing for Donny, and didn't want to take any chances at him getting sick later on. He planned on asking Stephen to keep an eye on him during the meal.

    “And they've got games you can play, too! It's kind of far away, so Daddy doesn't take me there much. But you have to try their pizza! They've got kinds I bet you've never had.”

    Stephen said “A new kind of pizza? I'm more than glad to try it.”

    Astrid nodded. “I know you're going to like it too.” She looked over at Karl and asked “Did you tell my mother and Bunică that I'm staying yet?”

    “I did talk to your mother, but I thought you'd like to speak with Bunică yourself. Let me get my phone out.” He pulled it out of his pocket and handed it over.

    As Astrid spoke with her grandmother, Stephen approached Karl. “Tonight, after dinner, I'd like to try something.” He kept looking at his feet as he spoke.

    Karl could guess what that something might entail, and he wasn't certain it would be a good idea. But he knew that this was something Stephen wanted to do, and as long as he was in a good state of mind he would go along with it. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

 

* * *

 

    As Stephen had voiced earlier, neither Julie nor Diego was able to join them due to it being a school night. Even without their friends present, both children still had a blast, eating pizza and playing games until late. Karl knew that this was a special occasion, so some of their normal rules could be broken.

    By the time they got home, Donny and Astrid were so tired that they went to bed without any protest. While tucking in the children and wishing them goodnight, Karl wondered if Stephen felt as nervous as he was.

    Meeting in the hall, Karl said “I have an idea of what you want to do.”

    “I thought you might.” He pointed in the direction of their room. “So, should we go or...”

    “Whatever you feel comfortable with doing.”

    That was enough to send Stephen inside. He sat down on the bed, not looking to know what to do next.

    Karl broke the ice a bit. “I'm going to get undressed now.” He began to remove his shirt. “Let me know if you want me to stop at any time.” Not knowing how far he should go, he stripped down to his boxers and sat on the bed next to Stephen.

    For a few minutes he sat there without making any moves. Finally he reached out to touch Karl's chest. His hands ghosted against him for a second before being taken away. Then he reached out to touch him again. Karl wondered if he should be doing anything yet, or if Stephen even wanted that right now. He still didn't make any move to remove his own clothes.

    Karl waited. This was about what Stephen wanted, not him.

    He reached out to touch Karl again, and this time his hands stayed for longer. Stephen moved further down, but before reaching the stomach he stopped. His breath was coming somewhat harder now, and he kept looking down. He then said “Touch me.”

    All of the times he'd touched Stephen in the past had been between his shoulders and just above the waist. Karl wasn't sure where he wanted him, so he opted for the stomach, thinking it would be the best option.

    As soon as his hand reached under Stephen's shirt, he inhaled sharply and Karl could feel him grow stiff. His hands fell to his side, and he yanked his own hand away. There was silence for a time as Stephen worked to get his breathing under control. He looked away, and said “I'm sorry... I thought I could do it.”

    “It's fine. You're not ready for anything like this yet, Stephen. I can handle that. It's more important for me to make sure your mental health is alright rather than just satisfying my sex drive.” Karl had seen this coming the moment Stephen had said he wanted to try something. He was glad that things hadn't gone any worse than this.

    “No, it's not okay. I should be making more of an effort to be a proper boyfriend to you. I have to get over my hang-ups at some point.”

    “They aren't hang-ups. You've got very good reasons to not be able to start a sex life with me. I'm happy with the way things are as long as you feel comfortable being around me. The most important thing for me in our relationship right now is that you are safe with me.”

    Stephen moved closer to him, and he let the other man fall into his embrace. This was as much as they had ever been able to do before, and they just sat together for a long time. He then said “You know, I thought earlier you were going to ask me to marry you.”

    “I've thought about it before. But I don't want to ask you until that you're ready to accept.”

    “That day might be as far off as us having a regular sex life.” While Stephen attempted to sound somewhat lighthearted as he spoke, there was a tinge of pain in his voice.

    Karl kept his arms around him, and made sure to lean in close as he said “I know. But I'm willing to wait as long as you need.”

    “That's a bit hard to believe. You really can say that you're willing to put your sex drive on hold possibly for the rest of your life?”

    “Amazingly I've been outside of relationships for the better part of Astrid's life. Do you think I haven't learned to satisfy my own needs, or did you think I went out and had a bunch of one-night stands?”

    Stephen moved away from him. “No. You aren't that kind of person. That's something I would do, not you.”

    With those words Karl was reminded of how much of an uphill climb they still had. If Stephen had gone out and had casual sex with others before they got together, it shouldn't matter unless he was doing the same thing while they were together. He wondered if he had felt that while he was doing it or if those feelings had come about due to his work. “That doesn't make me love you any less.”

    He blinked back a few tears. “I shouldn't be crying today. This should be a happy time. Why can't I just enjoy it without getting all upset?”

    “Because we need to cry sometimes, even if we should be happy. Feel whatever you want to feel. I might not want to see you cry, but if that's what you're feeling it's okay. I know that you do feel happy about the news we got today. And that's enough for me.”

    And Karl and Stephen sat together, not saying a word.

 

* * *

 

    Later that night, with Stephen sleeping in his arms, Karl thought about how much his life had changed since that first day of school.

    Nothing would have led him to believe that the person he first met would end up being the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, or that Stephen held such dark secrets within him. The journey they had all undergone over the last few months had been draining both physically and mentally, and he was glad that it was over and his family would remain intact.

    But even with the battle for Astrid over, there was still a long road ahead. As what happened earlier showed, Stephen was still a long way from being entirely well. He was likely going to be affected by what had happened to him for the rest of his life, and they might not ever have what was thought of as a normal relationship.

    Karl didn't really care anymore. Yes, he would love to be able to make love with Stephen, to tell him he was wonderful and have it accepted, to do any number of things that either couldn't happen or weren't going to be accepted. For him, part of loving someone was accepting them as they were. If Stephen wasn't getting help then he might have to reconsider things, but he was genuinely trying to make things better. As Karl could himself attest, changing one's self took time, and some things could only be managed and not altered.

    But if he were given the choice to go back to the day he and Stephen first met, Karl knew that he wouldn't have changed a thing. There was no way he wouldn't want Stephen and Donny as part of his life now, and he realized now that he had been waiting for the both of them in some way for most of his life.

    Stephen began to mutter something in his sleep, and Karl recognized the beginnings of a nightmare. Whispering words of soothing in his ear, he hoped that the dream would soon pass. If not, then there was always tomorrow.

    Preparing for whatever lay ahead of him, Karl himself fell asleep. Tomorrow would be a new day, the first day of the rest of their lives.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And... we're done. I still can't believe that the story I started planning has finally reached its conclusion.
> 
> I'm hoping at some point to have a few one-shots set in this world, but before I do that I'm going to work on a two-story series I've planned out. It's comic-based, and might not be everyone's cup of tea, but I really want to write.
> 
> Lastly, thank you to everyone who has left a review, even just once. Your comments motivated me until the very end.


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